Work Text:
Those haunting bells still rang in Christian’s ears. It felt as if time had stopped for him but it kept moving all around, while the show had finished for everyone else around him, he was still stuck in that last scene. Satine in his arms, the words she had whispered to him. Everything kept replaying him over and over again and those bells were the sound that wouldn’t leave his mind. The bells one heard when someone had passed away, and that someone was his beloved.
“Tell our story.”
He would, he was determined to do so, but now? All he could do was walk around the Moulin Rouge aimlessly. The show had ended, the hallways weren’t the lively and colourful place they used to be. No dancers doing the can-can while the men tried to reach out and touch them, no Zidler presenting each girl as if they were actual stars and no Satine.
Satine, she wouldn’t leave his mind. Her cold body in his arms, the blood coming out from her lips from her sickness, the sickness he found out about a little too late. He let out a frustrated groan that quickly turned into a loud sob, pulling his hair out of desperation. What was he supposed to do now? Write, he had to write, but the source of all his inspiration as of late wasn’t with him anymore.
He wasn’t sure for how long he had been walking the empty halls nor where he was going, but suddenly he found himself in the door to her dressing room. Was his mind playing a cruel game? The room he had visited many times before, this time with no one to welcome him. Even knowing that, he decided to reach out for the door and to his surprise, it was open. An invitation or a sign, Christian took it and walked inside.
“Satine?”
Silence. That was the answer he should have been expecting, but deep down he wanted to hear her voice once again, his name coming out from her lips in a nicer way instead of her dying breath. Even with the lack of an answer, he walked inside the room.
All the lights in the room were off, the only thing lighting it up was the moonlight coming from the big heart-shaped window. They had been arranged differently, he could feel the difference right away, and now the bed was in the middle. It felt as if the moon was pointing at it, the bed, Christian’s gaze quickly darting to see why the bed was in full display. Satine, she was laying in the middle of the bed, her eyes closed and her arms crossed over her chest. The small on her face made it seem as if she was sleeping peacefully.
While he couldn’t hear himself cry, he felt the tears running down his cheeks once again. She was there once again, he could see her again! He headed towards the bed and reached out for her hand, holding it tightly in fear she would fade away, and knelt next to the bed. She was there, the moonlight giving her a spotlight like she was on the stage once again, this time she was simply in bed, finally resting.
Even like this, she looked beautiful, he couldn’t help himself and he reached out to brush a few strands that were falling off her head. The hope that she would open her eyes was still lingering. That she was simply resting after a bad cough and she would come back to him one last time. Without even noticing, he found himself muttering quiet pleas to her.
He wanted to sing to her the melody he had written for the two of them, their own love song, but all he could do was sob loudly. He was a mess right now and he was aware of it, he couldn’t get a hold of himself any longer.
The sight of her like this was too much for him, he felt his chest tighten as if someone was trying to rip his heart out. He couldn’t bear it much longer, if he stayed in the room with her he knew it would break him. He stood up to leave, but remained there, looking down at her and holding her hand tightly.
She was still wearing the costume from their play, it made her look like one of the paintings he had seen Toulouse paint in his free time. While she looked like a work of art, she didn’t really look like herself. It was a costume after all, one of the many she had to wear all throughout her life. He reached for a blanket to cover her, the beautiful costume suddenly turning into something upsetting. He didn’t want to see her like a doll that had been dressed up.
Now that Satine was covered, he felt like he could leave. She seemed to be resting so peacefully, a sight that he rarely saw. Afraid of waking her up, he leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. A goodnight kiss.
It wasn’t goodnight, it was goodbye. He had to remind himself that Satine was gone. She was dead. The woman in front of him was nothing but a corpse now. She was gone and he didn’t get to say a proper goodbye. They had been on the stage when it all happened, he didn’t get to have his last moment with her privately, as romantic as it had been on stage.
“Satine… this isn’t goodbye, right?”
And with that, he kissed her, just a quick peck on the lips to show her his affection. One of the kisses he would give her when they were sneaking around so by the time they met again, he could give her a proper kiss. A promise that they would meet again.
But that wasn’t enough. He needed her to love him back, he needed her arms around him, and he wasn’t going to get that, but he was itching to hold her once again, to feel the warmth of her body one last time.
Instead of leaving, he leaned down for a kiss once again, this time the little peck on the lips turning into something more desperate, his tongue slipping into her mouth even if she remained completely motionless. Perhaps if he loved her so strongly she would come back to him.
His kiss continued, his hand roaming all over her body to seek a reaction out of her, letting the bedsheet he had covered her in drop to the floor, and his body leaning more and more. Christian now found himself on top of her, their chests pressed against each other. By this time, the room would be filled with their pants and moans, now his sobs with a few moans in between was the only thing he could hear. A crude reminder that he was on his own.
“Let me take this off. You mustn't be able to breathe with this.”
There was no answer on her part, but even with the silence, Christian moved his head so he was looking attentively at her like he would do when they lay together. He nodded at her, waiting for her to nod back, but nothing.
“You can’t! You can’t breathe, can you? Let me help you with it.”
His hands moved to her back, undoing the dress to set her free, but didn’t take it off. He didn’t have her permission after all. Once he felt it was enough for her to breathe, he nodded once again at her, still expecting a reaction. All he got was more silence.
“You must be cold then! That’s what it is.”
With that, he wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her closer to him. She didn’t hug him back, instead her limp body just followed his movements. While still holding her, Christian moved one arm to place one of her arms around him, the two finally embracing.
Trying to warm up the corpse of his loved one was futile, he was starting to get cold as well. The longer he remained glued to her, the more the reality of what was happening was starting to weigh in. He was holding a dead woman, he was trying to love a dead woman, even if those thoughts were constant, he remained holding her close. There wasn’t much he could do, so he remained on top of her holding her.
“Let us stay like this together. Just the two of us at last. Would you like that?”
Again with the question. This time the lack of an answer didn’t bother him, he knew her answer would have been yes. And at last, he managed to smile, a sad smile as a pitiful laugh left his lips. Would that be the only way they could happily be together? When death embraced them both? What a pitiful ending for their grand love story.
He moved to press a kiss on her neck, her pulse long gone now, and he continued giving her playful kisses as he lowered himself until he reached her heart. The fabric of her dress made it hard for him to hear her heartbeat, but he wouldn’t listen to it anyway, it was no longer pumping. He remained pressed against her chest, his body close to her as he kept laughing, which was slowly turning into sobs.
The mixture of laughter was suddenly stopped by a fit of coughing, this time not from Satine but from him. Christian felt his whole body jerk violently as he coughed, the taste of copper suddenly filling his mouth. Blood.
He managed to sit up, trying his best not to get anything on Satine even if it was already too late, a few drops of blood tainting her olive skin. He quickly wiped the blood from his lips and stared down at his hand. The smile on his face was now one of relief. Perhaps it was good news!
Once the trace of blood from his lips was gone, he went back to lay with her, moving back on top of her and cuddling next to her. The coldness of her body did not bring any comfort to him, but knowing it was his lover the one he was lying with was what mattered.
Now he knew two things, that he was running out of time to write their story but also that he would meet his beloved sooner than he had expected.