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Spring had come, its arrival dragged out like a slow, ticking clock.
Each day that passed seemed to encroach upon the uncertainty of Edward’s whereabouts.
Four months had passed since he had last been seen.
The realisation hit Winry Rockbell as she opened the front door of the house, finally home after concluding the preparations for the upcoming festival. The main room was dark and silent, producing an uncomfortable feeling which the girl could hardly understand, having tried to push her anxieties regarding Edward to the back of her mind.
Tried, and failed.
Not knowing his whereabouts, not knowing of his safety and certainly not knowing when he would return produced a lingering burning in the pit of the girl’s stomach.
Especially because of the nature of his last reported whereabouts. Missing. Buried beneath rubble. While she knew of his strength, his resilience and of his inability to be defeated by such circumstances, Winry wished for something, anything, to confirm his wellbeing.
“Home sweet home,” she muttered to herself, forcing the smile which she plastered on her face each day, a sign of her inability to be brought down by her worries. Turning on the light in the hallway, Winry made for the stairs, eager to change into something more comfortable, and to resume her work preparing an automail. Entering her bedroom and closing its door, she exhaled a sigh of comfort. Reaching for a change of clothes, she set them on her bed; hastily changing out of her current top without a second thought.
That was, of course, before she heard a quiet rustle, and the unmistakable feeling of someone’s presence behind her. Turning her face slowly, and ever so slightly, she caught the image of Edward Elric, with a face of sheer incredulity, from the corner of her eye: a face which she shared. He was holding something; a sandwich, she was able to discern, despite the dark atmosphere in her room.
Both Ed and Winry froze for a second, unable to grasp the situation’s absurdity, especially the fact that their reunion would occur in such a manner.
Winry’s scream reverberated throughout the house, sending the men downstairs running to check on the girl. Entering with guns pointed at the Fullmetal Alchemist, the two men were accompanied by Greed, Darius and Heinkel, confused by the situation before them. As they began to argue between themselves, trying to understand the nature of their combined presence within the Rockbell house, Winry shuffled close to Ed, keeping her eyes fixed on the scene before her. “Hey Ed… just what is going on?” Ed gulped, trying to piece together an explanation not only for why he had broken into her house, but for why he was sitting in her room of all places.
How could he possibly explain his silence when she entered the room, and those 20 seconds which had passed as she began to change? He was certainly no pervert, but seeing her again had almost rendered him immobile, frozen in the seat as a plethora of emotions soared through his mind. “Long story…” he settled with, looking away, unable to meet Winry’s eyes. He willed within himself for her to not question him. He was well aware, after all, of how strange the situation seemed.
That, and the fact that he had quite literally been MIA for the past 4 months.
“Besides…” the girl resumed, as Ed’s silent prayers dissolved into thin air, “What were you doing in my room?!”
The fullmetal alchemist’s cheeks blushed a deep crimson, looking over at the girl as words failed to form on his tongue. Luckily, the room was dark, and he doubted the colour rising to his face could have been seen. Yet, what he could notice, was the girl’s piercing eyes, staring into his soul with a look of irritation as her eyebrows twitched. Winry’s anger was building up, accumulating as her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes shut tightly, breathing deeply before she opened her mouth. “Get the hell out of my room!!”
Edward stared in fear at the girl before him, as she held her wrench with such vicious force, forcing the men out of her room. Only a mere moment passed before she turned back to Ed, her eyes clearly saying ‘You’re next.’ Regaining her composure as she took a deep breath, with her back to Edward, she sighed.
“You had me worried sick,” she started, her voice soft and muffled as she lowered her head. The collection of feelings she had hoarded not only in those past 4 months, and not only since she had come to terms with her feelings for her childhood friend, came back to her in a flood. The idea of something happening to him, the boy she had grown up with, the boy she had grown to love in such an overpowering, secretive way, shook her to the core.
“I know. Glad to see you’re safe.” stated Edward hastily, still unable to confront the lingering feeling of comfort he felt, burning within his chest, at having seen Winry again. His words hardly matched the feelings he harboured beneath it all.
“A-Al isn’t with you?” he queried.
Brushing aside the feeling of joy within her, Winry’s eyes widened as she ran over to Ed to meet his eyes.
“Al’s at the station!… If you hurry, you may be able to make it in time.” Edward jumped to his feet, marching past Winry with a look of fierce determination in his eyes, that look which the girl had always known him for. So, it was all but strange to her when she saw him stop, coming to a standstill before the door, his back turned to her. She raised her eyebrows in silent astonishment. It seemed, to her, that the boy was thinking, torn between some invisible force consuming him.
“Something wrong?” She asked tentatively. “Aren’t you… going to go see him?” The alchemist clenched his hand, visibly at odds with some inconceivable force. His hand seemed to shake a little, noticed Winry. It was unlike him, so unlike him to face his battles without his usual confidence.
“We’re fugitives wanted by Central," he confessed. "It would be bad if someone were to see us.”
“But…” began Winry, all of a sudden noticing a difference in Edward’s voice. There was something changed about him, something melancholic yet matured, as if he had undergone something confronting, something testing his character. And, yet, it was not only that which went unnoticed; Winry fixed her eyes on the growth of his hair, the change in his posture, and, most notably, his height. It was all a reminder of how much could possibly happen in the span of four months. The two stood in a heavy, unbreakable silence for what seemed like forever. On Winry’s part, it was a silence filled with uncertainty and worry. On Edward’s part, it was filled with much more. The reality of the situation had dawned on him all at once, weighing him down with such strength that it took everything within him to not turn around and face Winry with his fears. He had missed her so, and yet he could not face her, for he feared it would send his façade crashing down alongside him. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes before having them snapped back open by the movement before him.
“Winry?” Enquired her grandmother.
Pinako Rockbell was in the doorway with a look of curiosity on her face. It seemed, to her, that she had walked in on a delicate conversation, for the air in the room was filled with tension. Her face softened, pleased to see her granddaughter, and, for once, Edward home, too. “Welcome home!,” she said warmly, to which only Winry responded to. Edward looked down, anguished with the longing to truly be back, instead of having to leave again in mere hours.
—
The dinner table was particularly rowdy that night, accomodating a total of 8 people; not counting Den beneath them.
“What made you come here?” asked Pinako, to which Greed(Ling) replied.
“To make sure his auto mail’s all tuned up, and stuff,” he retorted while taking a savage bite off of a chicken drumstick. “You know,” he continued, “to prepare for the worst.”
The worst.
Winry winced.
“Take a look at him later, Winry,” encouraged her grandmother, to which the girl nodded. “No problem.”
Meanwhile, Edward remained in silence for the entirety of dinner, his head low as he ate in quiet contemplation.
—
Under the glow of her bedside lamp, Edward lay on Winry’s bed. A feeling oh so familiar, somehow, felt all so different. The anxieties within Edward’s chest were not those which accompanied the nature of his profession, but those which whispered pressing concerns in his mind.
“May this be the last time I lie here?”
“Could this be the final time I get my automail fixed?”
Winry studied her client’s silence as she searched for defects in his metal arm, raising her head from her magnifying glass every so often to steal glances at Ed every so often. Her face showed only a fraction of her worry for him. She willed for the words to come to her, words which could break the silence and make him confide in her.
“Well," she began,"for once, your auto mail is in excellent shape!” laughing under her breath, she tried to ease the atmosphere. “Are you sure you came here to have it checked?” she joked, rising from the bed and walking away to her desk, shaking her head ever so slightly, expecting no reply to her throwaway remark.
“Well, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it.”
Winry turned her head, a puzzled look on her face as Ed remained on his back, staring up at the ceiling.
“What do you mean..." she questioned. "So, why did you come?”
Suddenly, his eyes met hers; eyes which were pleading, filled with meaning yet unable to free his thoughts from their shackles. His eyes were trying to tell her ‘You know I came here for you, for Al, to see you again…’ Winry took a step forwards, tentative to continue pressing Edward with the questions in her mind, before he asked about the people of Lior.
“They’ve been getting back on their feet, slowly…”
“I’m glad to hear that. It’s been bugging me, to tell you the truth” he interrupted, as if to change the conversation quickly onto something which did not involve either of them. Yet, his questioning into such matters was unlike him. He sat up, flexing the fingers of his automail as Winry turned to her desk, rustling through her belongings. “You know,” she began, “Al met with your father. I heard he’s in some slum called ‘Kanama’, so you should meet up with him to get some information.” Again, the room returned to its state of weighty silence. The atmosphere was sad, and Ed stared at his hand with furrowed brows.
Winry could bear it no more.
“The promised day is coming up… right?” She asked, her heart racing in her chest.
“It’s a day where we could get our bodies back…” Edward started, voicing his thoughts for the first time. Winry turned to him, hopeful for a moment.
“…Or, it could be a day when a great tragedy will strike this nation.”
Winry looked down at the floor, sullen once again as Edward’s voiced her fears.
“Take granny and Den and escape to another country.”
It came from him almost like an order.
And it infuriated her.
Walking towards him with fury in her eyes, Winry slapped his face. It was hardly a slap of force, intended to injure him; but more so one to wake him up.
“Are you telling me to run away?!” She exclaimed, her face bleeding with desperation and anger.
“Telling those close to you to escape makes it sound like you’ve already given up! Can’t you stop the threat to this country?!”
Her words trailed onto each other in a breathless proclamation of desperation. Ed’s melancholic, hopeless demeanour scared her. She had always known him for his blind optimism, his pride, and his total belief in himself. She feared of a reality where he lost all of that.
“I’ll stop them!” He shouted back, facing her finally. “But there’s a chance that it may not work!”
“Eliminate those chances, then!” she cried back, walking closer as they faced each other with less than a metre between them.
Edward sighed. Winry’s face suddenly melted away its previous rage, replaced by a pleading look of sad, wholehearted worry.
“Beat them to a pulp and protect our country, Ed; and, while you’re at it, get your bodies back, and return safe and sound! I’ll do anything for that that happen!”
Edward’s heart stopped for a moment, as the look on his childhood friend’s face moved something within him. The resolve in Winry’s face pooled in her eyes and mixed with something else; a look, which quickened the beating in Ed’s heart. He sighed.
“You make it sound so easy…” She faced him, ever so close, and, after the moment of being taken aback subsided, he took a step even closer. His face was fixed before her, his posture leaning towards her as if challenging the words she had uttered. It was in that moment that Winry was finally able to examine the changes in his disposition. He stood evidently taller than her, now she could really notice: it seemed that it was only yesterday that the girl had to almost look down at him when speaking. Now, she tilted her head upwards, and yet, despite this advancement, which would have provoked exultation in the Edward she used to know, it seemed that he had hardly noticed. The expression on his face was one she had never seen before. He looked down at her with such a serious look, one which she almost could have mistaken for anger if she had not studied it properly. His eyes did not correspond to the rest of his face at all, for they showed what lay beneath it all. They showed his hurt.
Winry looked down, taking a further step forwards, almost closing the gap between them. Looking up every so slowly, she reached out her hands to Ed’s cheeks, gently cupping his face as she looked into his eyes, pleading with him to talk to her. What had happened since they last saw each other? Her thoughts somehow voiced themselves, making Edward turn his face ever so slightly to its side, looking defeated. Winry felt an immense flooding of feeling for him in that moment, as tears pooled her eyes. She hated to see him suffering, and the idea that he could no longer confide in her left her distraught. Catching the glisten on the lone tear which fell at her cheek, Ed’s head quickly turned back to Winry’s direction, meeting her eyes as they searched her face with worry.
“Don’t cry, I…” He trailed off, his hands reaching the sides of her face while his thumbs wiped the silent tears at her cheeks. His eyes traveled down her face, slowly trailing the tear, before fixing onto her lips. It was inadvertent, almost instinctive, and, after a few lingering seconds, he fixed his vision back onto Winry, his mien now completely different as his eyes widened, realising the effect the girl had on him. He wanted to pick her up, set her down and tell her it would be alright. He wanted to promise her that he would return, to not worry and believe in him with all she had. Oh, how he wanted to promise it all to her, to promise her the world itself. The fact that he couldn’t tore him apart. Stroking the back of her hair with his (flesh) hand, he gently pulled her head to his chest, his other arm pulling her body close to his. Winry remained frozen for a millisecond, before giving in and pressing herself against him, her arms extending across his broad back. “You’re not acting like yourself, Ed,” she muttered, breathing in quickly between tears. “I wish you could talk to me…” Pulling her away, ever so slightly, Ed presented his face to her, finally unclouded by the façade of indifference he was so used to wear. He leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes.
“I’m afraid, Winry. I’m afraid I’ll mess up, I’m scared to fail and to prove you all wrong. I’m scared of not making it out alive, of not being able to restore Al’s body… I fear that my dream to come home to… to you, with my body restored and being able to say that we won, we succeeded, will never happen. I fear that I’ll never be able to…”
Winry pulled their foreheads apart ever so slightly, cocking her head to the side as she studied his face. “Never be able to…?” Ed’s eyes snapped open, his face colouring as he realised what he was about to say out loud. He met Winry’s eyes with shock, turning his head to its side with a sigh.
“Nothing.”
“No, Ed! Tell me!” There was something burning within Winry, as if she hoped he may have said something in particular. The boy looked down, shattering the hope in the girl’s chest as she decided to brush it off. She turned around, exasperated and hurting from within. She feared she had lost the Ed she had always known. Feared that he would be consumed by his anxieties. Yet, all of a sudden, she felt him walk towards her slowly, approaching her from the back.
She breathed in, about to speak, before she was interrupted.
“Never be able to tell you…” she turned around with a gasp, her eyes wide as he spoke. He once again clutched her face, his eyes pleading, bleeding with a feeling mixed with desperation and hopelessness.
“…How I love you.”
They stood in silence, as Winry’s breathing stopped altogether. It had been a silent, distant hope buried within the girl’s heart that he who she loved would reciprocate her feelings. She had never expected nor presumed such a thing was possible, assuming that her childhood friend had only ever seen her as that: a friend, a sister. Not a woman. And his eyes told her that his love for her was not the type coming from a brother, nor of a friend: it was deeper, it was something desperate, filled with longing and pain.
She couldn’t stand it anymore. Looking at his eyes, to his lips, to his eyes again, which in turn widened so suddenly, Winry drew her face to his, meeting his lips as she kissed him softly, with such tenderness that spoke of her reciprocated feelings. As she drew her face away, Ed pulled her closer by the waist, holding her as he kissed her with emotion similar to hers, yet with increased urgency. Winry wrapped her arms around his neck as she returned the kiss, meeting his passion and letting out a sound of content as the kiss ended. With their faces drawn so close to one another, Ed searched Winry’s eyes frantically, his cheeks starting to colour.
“I love you, Ed,” started Winry, looking down shyly. “Which is why it hurts me so when I see you suffering in silence.”
Edward opened his mouth to speak, before he was interrupted.
“…And I missed you. So much. I was worried sick.”
Ed’s lips turned into a light smile, pulling the girl to his chest again.
“Don’t laugh!” Proclaimed Winry, throwing mock punches at his chest.
“I’m not laughing” said Ed, stifling the chuckle in his chest. He stroked the back of Winry’s head, comforted by her presence and by his ability to be able to remain so close to her.
“You’ve changed, you know,” repeated Winry, drawing away from him and scanning Ed up and down. “You’re taller than me now,” she admitted, almost embarrassed by the change in dynamic it seemed to bring. She was right; not only about his height, but about him being changed. For, in response, he only smiled, before kissing her again, seemingly drunk on the new sensation he had experienced meeting her lips with his. His kisses lacked the despair they had before, but instead exuded happiness.
Hope.
“I will return,” Edward proclaimed, facing Winry with newfound conviction. “I have to return and, once this is all over…” he continued, his thumb brushing her cheek as he smiled at the girl who took up the entirety of his heart.
“…I will make you mine, properly.”