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Music; an art, a feeling, and the thing that made Leo who he was. A composer – a musician. His goofy exterior melted away in the face of a heart-wrenching melody, and was amplified when the sound of a catchy jingle was stuck in his head. More than listening to music, however, he adored making his own. He liked the way people took him seriously when he made great songs, the way they acknowledged his works as ‘perfect’ and ‘revolutionary’.
But it was never him. He wasn’t perfect or incredible like the tabloids said about other composers. The reporters avoided talking to him directly, only ever writing their reports on his talents and skills. When one of his pieces topped the charts, there were always sure to be unsolicited comments and praises from critics that he could only hear through the news online. No one wanted to put up with his eccentricities, and he was equally as willing to tone himself down.
Sure, there were lots of people he knew he could rely on; Ruka, Sena, and the rest of Knights. Maybe that was actually less people than he thought he had…
But it didn’t matter. He had them and he loved them endlessly. So much so that he took a hiatus for a year and painted himself as the crazed and power-hungry composer who couldn’t keep the peace. He made the world hate him, and him alone, so that the people dear to him could still bask in the light of fame and glory without the burden of his past weighing them down. He wanted to become the bad guy, he wanted them to become strong and worthy on their own without his influence. In his fan base remained some loyal fans, but once he started to have trouble creating more music, the attention dwindled little by little. After all, what was he good for if he couldn’t compose?
He was resented by the student body at Yumenosaki most of all. It hurt. It really did. Not that Leo let it show at all. He knew everyone thought he was out of his mind, and that he was a freak that didn’t deserve to go to such a prestigious school. He didn’t go to his classes, barely ate lunch, and wrote his music wherever he could; including walls, floors… Sena’s arm while he was asleep. He also knew that Eichi was the one who had set him up for failure, despite their previous bonding at the hospital. He had thought he truly made a new friend. He still loved Eichi, dearly. In fact, he was incapable of hating anyone truly. He couldn’t hold a grudge, no matter how hard he wanted to or tried. But he still hurt deep down, and it wasn’t just Eichi that was a part of that. It was everyone who had looked at him scornfully, everyone who abandoned him in favour of his songs.
All he ever wanted was to make beautiful music. Ever since he was a child playing his first notes on the piano, ever since he learned how to read sheet music; he knew it was his dream, his fate, his destiny. He wanted to go to a music school, but his parents insisted on him going to Yumenosaki. They believed he would be able to make a better career out of being an idol than simply being a composer. He went to make them happy, but he could never predict how wrong everything could go.
He grew to hate himself. He hated himself and eventually the music he wrote too. He couldn’t compose anymore, not even if he tried to force himself. He knew he couldn’t make himself write, but he had to. He just had to. How would anyone ever love him if he couldn’t even make the music that people praised him for?
Over the course of his hiatus, in the darkness of his room, his hands shook with exhaustion and pain while he held his half-chewed pencil. His palms and fingers were covered with dried blood and bite marks from his own teeth, complete with poorly-placed band-aids. Tear stains soaked the paper beneath him with blank staves written across it.
“Just one phrase… just one stupid melody…” He mumbled to himself constantly.
He hadn’t been at school for months by this point. He had barely left his room at all. He couldn’t take care of himself, either; forgetting to eat and shower, rotting in the dark bedroom that he had confined himself to, as if it were a jail cell he was trying to punish himself with. The only thing he could think about was to write, write, write. Just keep writing, and you’ll be loved again, he told himself.
He only left his room when he was sure he would pass out if he didn’t eat, and that was after everyone in his house had gone to bed. He couldn’t make his parents or little sister worry about him, seeing him in this state. Sena had even stopped by a few times, stubbornly asking him to come out. Leo ignored him, despite the nagging voice in his mind telling him to just answer the door. He didn’t want Sena to see him like this either. What would he say? What would the rest of Knights say? What would she say?
He always felt a pang of guilt, turning everyone away. Deep down, he knew they only cared about him and were worried about him; but he didn’t deserve their concerns. He didn’t deserve their love, not after everything he had done at Yumenosaki. During the war between idols, he was forced to bring down so many of the people he had once held close to his heart; and in order to maintain his crazy, insane image, he had to do it with no remorse or mercy. He fought valiantly with his blade on the battlefield of fame, but what of his former glory now? What else had that school brought him, other than misery and pain?
Looking back, there were some good things that came out of it. Like the new Knights, the main reason he left. Aside from it all simply being too much, he wanted to protect their reputation; they needed a chance to rebuild themselves without him getting in the way. His self-sacrificial tendencies didn’t go unnoticed by them, or (Y/N).
And what a stubborn girl she was.
If it weren’t for her annoying, relentless attempts to bring him back to the light, he would still be slowly losing his mind in the darkness. She brought colour back into his life, as much as he hated to admit it. He wasn’t sure how she did it, but he started to love music again – and though he still despised himself, the way she cared for him made him start to believe that, maybe, he really did deserve it.
The day she came to his house while he was in the depths of depression was one he would never forget. She had decided that she was having enough of his absence, and decided to pay him a visit herself. He remembered how gracefully she had practically knocked down his door, and the shock he felt at her furious and yet kind expression.
“Leo,” She had said quietly, “Where did you go?”
Of course, she wasn’t asking where he was physically, and he knew that. But he couldn’t help but push back, just a bit. He refused to give in as easily as she expected him to.
“I’m right here.” He said.
(Y/N) moved into the room from her position in the doorway, shutting it for privacy.
“That’s not what I mean and you know it.” She furrowed her brows, her scolding eliciting a sigh from his lips.
“Go away. I don’t want to see anyone right now.” He turned away from her.
“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me why you’re doing this.” She stubbornly crossed her arms and sat next to him on the floor.
With each obstinate quip from her mouth, he felt angrier and more hatred toward himself. Never towards her. That didn’t stop him from taking it out on her, though.
“I don’t have to tell you anything.”
“Then I guess I’m staying.”
There was a charged silence in the room, and the tension was palpable. (Y/N) put a hand on Leo’s shoulder, gently trying to shift him around so she could look at his face. He looked terrible; gigantic bags under his eyes, and a furrowed brow that demonstrated his exhaustion and frustration. He was pale, and the usual playful glimmer that resided in his eye was gone. He refused to make eye contact with her at all.
She sighed and pulled him in for a warm, tight, hug. One that Leo melted into, against his better judgement. He hadn’t realized how much he craved this, how much he needed to feel someone’s protective arms wrapped around him. He didn’t try to pull away, but he didn’t hug her back, either. He was too headstrong to change his mind so easily.
“When did you last eat?” She said as she held him.
He didn’t answer her, and honestly, he didn’t have one to begin with.
“Okay. Come on.”
She lifted him over her shoulder with surprising ease, and he knew that if he tried to protest that he would regret it.
In the kitchen, she plopped him down onto one of the chairs at the table and started fixing him something light, considering he hadn’t eaten in a while.
“Don’t move.” She said with a voice that left no room for argument.
He watched silently as she made and presented him with a simple broth, with some noodles and vegetables. She got a bowl for herself as well, sitting next to him and beginning to eat.
As much as he wanted to refuse to eat, the sight of the soup reminded him of how long it had been since he last had a proper meal. He knew he would also feel guilty if he didn’t at least try it. He watched her casually eat, pretending as if everything was normal. He still felt a pang of annoyance and irritation at her, but in the end decided to humour her and have some.
He slowly lifted the spoon to his lips, taking small but steady sips. The more he ate, the more warm and nourished he felt. He soon became addicted to the feeling of the warmth of the liquid running down his throat, and the fact that it had been made specifically for him plucked at one of his heartstrings. Before he knew it, he had finished the whole bowl. He looked over at her, and he saw her looking back, resting her chin on her intertwined hands. She had already finished her portion as well.
“More?”
It was such a simple question, but Leo couldn’t get over how she could read him so easily. He nodded quietly, watching as she got up to get him a second helping. She came back with a glass of water in her hand as well.
“Drink this too. You’re probably dehydrated.”
Leo couldn’t deny how energized and refreshed he felt after (Y/N) came over – and he wasn’t sure if it was from the food, or something else entirely.
And now five years later, after graduating, he quit idol work; rebuilding his career as a composer. At twenty-three years old, he knew what that feeling was. It was the beginning of his feelings for her; and they only continued to grow from that point on. Despite his own self-doubt and hatred, he confessed his love for her one day. He did it on a whim; he simply felt an overwhelming urge to tell her and couldn’t contain it anymore. To his surprise and joy, she reciprocated. From then on, they were utterly inseparable. What was once a small bud blossomed into a field of flowers, one that had appeared many times in his dreams along with visions of her ethereal beauty. (Y/N) quickly became an integral part of his inspiration process. Whenever he tuned in with his inner universe, he saw her and only her. He could have written several operas using all of the songs he wrote about her. He even had a specific binder for her songs, and it was starting to overflow.
(Y/N)’s love had slowly guided him towards peace, both with himself and with the world around him. He started to see the good in things that once made him miserable, and grew to understand and see things he hadn’t before. He was still himself; a silly, boyish, carefree man – but he was happy. Finally, he was happy with his life. He had a wonderful girlfriend, a successful career in music that he adored, and at last, he felt loved by everyone around him. With adulthood also came an air of underlying maturity. He still kept his young and childish spirit, but the knowledge he had gained over the years grounded him and became important to his relationship.
With that same knowledge and maturity came a realization. A realization that he never wanted to hold or kiss or be with anyone else, that he wanted to stay by (Y/N)’s side forever, until their inevitable demise and beyond. He wanted to marry her, to become one with her through law and love.
Currently, he was getting ready to take her to see an orchestra play on a rare night where both of their schedules were open at the same time. After making sure the ring was in his pocket, he carefully put his tie around his neck with immense focus. He had never been great at putting on neckties, but he was getting better each time it was required of him. Besides, he knew (Y/N) would fix it for him once he saw her. She always took care of him like that, and he was determined to do the same for her. For the rest of their lives.
He took his car to go pick her up, eager to see her all dressed up. It wasn’t often they went to such a formal event together, and he was excited to soak in every precious moment with her. Pulling up to her apartment building, he practically skipped to her door, banging on it with an impatient rat-a-tat-tat. She answered not a moment later, looking absolutely gorgeous in the outfit she picked. The colour was fantastic, and fit exactly how she wanted it to. It clearly made her feel confident, and it showed in the way her face glowed.
“You look incredible, my love.” Leo beamed and gave her a sweet kiss as if he wasn’t trying to break down her door a few seconds ago.
(Y/N) adored how affectionate he was, how it was simply a part of his nature.
“Thank you, darling. You look great. And, your tie is even done properly.” She praised, much to his delight.
Hand in hand, they walked to the car and drove toward the concert, the array of twinkling city lights a nice accompaniment.
“I hope you know, I’m so happy you agreed to come with me,” Leo grinned, his eyes glued to the road, “I love when I can share music with you.”
“Anything done with you is sure to be a good time.” (Y/N) smiled upon seeing his joy.
Leo’s heart skipped a beat at the affectionate quality in her voice, soft like silk, or like a wispy cloud atop a mountain. He conversed with her for the entirety of the car ride, asking about her day and trying to get her to speak more just so he could hear her voice again and again. They arrived, and Leo eagerly hopped out of the car to help her out of her seat.
“Ready, Darling?” He beamed.
The venue was a large concert hall, with an overwhelming ritzy feel. Leo was accustomed to these types of settings, but (Y/N) was a bit tense.
“Don’t worry about impressing anyone. I’m already thoroughly impressed by you~” He whispered to her, making her laugh.
“Thank goodness.” She said, a touch of sarcasm in her voice.
They were led to their balcony seats by an usher, and once they got comfortable Leo took her hand and casually rested their conjoined digits on the armrest between them. He was calm while waiting for the show to start, but (Y/N) knew he was only containing his excitement from the way he was bouncing his knee up and down impatiently. The auditorium was filled with the sound of lively chatter and the orchestra tuning their instruments. A couple minutes later, the lights finally dimmed and Leo’s wide green eyes became fixated on the sight below them.
The music was beautiful and Earth-shattering. (Y/N) savoured it immeasurably, but she knew she could never enjoy music to the same depths as Leo did. When she looked over at him, his eyes were either closed or focused on the musicians; but he was always silent. More silent than he had ever been in his life. He loved to talk and make his presence known, but he knew to stop and listen when there was music being played for him. His serious and calculating expression made her heart flutter with affection. It was a rare sight to see him like this, and as much as she loved his silliness, something about this side of him made her even more fond of him. He held her hand the whole time, squeezing it lightly when there was a part he especially liked. The gentle humming of the strings and the dancing patterns of the woodwinds soothed her mind, previously restless from all the tasks and deadlines that come with being a successful producer.
The show was over just as quickly as it had begun, ending with Mozart’s Requiem in D minor. As everyone started to stand up and leave, Leo was back to his usual self. Although, for some reason, he seemed to be slightly nervous.
What (Y/N) didn’t know was that Leo had planned on proposing after the performance, but now that it was over, the nerves were finally setting in. He usually wasn’t this anxious about anything; even for performing in front of thousands of people. He had always carried an air of confidence with him everywhere he went, whether he truly felt it inside or not; but right now, it was obvious something was off. Leo could face anything he set his mind to – but when it came to (Y/N), everything became a thousand times harder.
“What’s up? Didn’t you like the music?” (Y/N) asked with a concerned expression.
“I- yes, it was beautiful,” He blurted out as he started leading her out of the auditorium, “Anyway, we have a dinner reservation, remember?”
(Y/N) knew he was only trying to change the subject, but she let it go for now. She watched his back as he walked in front of her, his arm reaching behind to continue holding her hand. She smiled, fully aware that he was trying to hide his nervousness from her. At the same time, she couldn’t help but wonder what he was so anxious about.
At the restaurant, they chatted like normal, but Leo often zoned out and lost track of the conversation much more than he usually did.
“Leo? Seriously, what’s on your mind tonight?” (Y/N) asked, waving a hand in front of his face.
He snapped out of his trance to look at her with wide, surprised eyes.
“Oh- sorry, sweetheart. I just…” He trailed off, struggling to find the right words without giving away what he had planned.
“I’m just tired.”
He tried to laugh it off, but she knew there was more to it than he was letting on. Nevertheless, she didn’t want to push anything out of him and let it be. The view outside the window next to their table was exquisite, a vast palette of the lights and colours of the city. Even at nighttime, the tall buildings and hustling vehicles created a busy scene that was only amplified during the day. The inside of the restaurant was warm and romantic, and there was a smooth jazz ballad playing subtly in the background. Leo took this serene time to admire his girlfriend once again, as if he hadn’t done so a thousand times that night. She looked so effortlessly beautiful, and yet he knew she put a lot of work into her appearance. His gaze traced across the features on her visage, to the elegant way in which she held herself. The inspiration he felt in that moment was enough to make him want to pull out his notebook and start writing immediately, but his desire to be in the moment with (Y/N) overpowered any desire to compose.
Their dinner together was over quickly, but Leo didn’t want to let it end completely yet. He couldn’t. After all, he still had one more task to do.
“Let’s visit the park before we go home. Please?” He took her hands, giving her his best pleading face.
She could never say no to him. Well, almost never.
“Sure.” She smiled softly.
The drive to the park was silent. Leo because he was anxious, and (Y/N) because she felt content with their previous discussions. There was no need to say words that didn’t have to be spoken.
The park was one that Leo and (Y/N) loved to visit often. The greenery was a little overgrown, but it only added to its charm. There were all types of trees, big and small. The very best feature of the park was a medium-sized pond, surrounded by cattails and marsh. There was a bench facing the pond, and that was where Leo took her.
The water rippled mysteriously and magically; and although the stars couldn’t be seen from the city, the surrounding light from the skyscrapers would have to do. The illumination from their windows seemed to make the water glow in an ethereal kind of way.
They sat shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand. The bench was cold, but luckily Leo was prepared for once and brought blankets.
“Pretty, huh?” He said quietly.
“Yeah.” She whispered back.
He let a few ticks of silence go by, his eyes flickering between her and the pond before them.
“(Y/N)?”
“Yes?”
This was it. This was the moment. He swallowed down his nervousness and touched his pocket, double checking that it was still there.
“Well…”
Where was he even supposed to start? Sure, of course he had prepared something to say beforehand, but what was he supposed to do when he was so scared that they had all left his brain? Why didn’t he write it down? He would have to improvise; but that was easy when it came to expressing his love for her. He took both of her hands in his, causing her to look at him and only him.
“(Y/N),” He began, “The love of my life. There’s no words to truly explain the depths of my feelings for you.”
He shuddered with nerves all over again as he looked into her patient and expectant eyes.
“You brought something into my life. Something beautiful; I never want to find out what life would be like without your love and care ever again.”
He brought her hands to his face, pressing them against both of his cheeks.
“I love you so much. I need you, I depend on you, I cherish every second I get to spend with you. I know I must sound cliche and corny right now… but I don’t care. This is how I feel, and that’s just my truth. You are my truth.”
(Y/N)’s heart was pounding inside her chest. If this was going where she thought it was, then she felt like she could fly to the moon and back.
“With all that being said…” He trailed off, reaching into his pocket for the box, relieved that it hadn’t somehow vanished.
He opened it to reveal a gorgeous ring that he knew (Y/N) would love. It was the same metal as all of her favourite jewelry, and the same stone she always talked about.
“...Will you marry me, (Y/N)?” He asked with a nervous smile.
(Y/N) was at a loss for words. As often as he had taken her breath away before, this was something else entirely. He was asking to marry her . He wanted to commit himself to her forever; and that fact brought the emotion straight to her eyes.
“Yes,” She choked through her tears, “Yes, I will.”
Leo pulled her into a tight, loving embrace, whispering words of affection and promise amidst the crickets and distanced city sounds.
“You’re my everything.” He said into her ear, words that only she could hear from him.
“I can’t believe this… this is the best day of my life, Leo.” She sobbed into his shoulder.
He smiled at her emotional display and rubbed her back soothingly.
“I promise… I’m going to take such good care of you. I’ll always love you endlessly, I swear it. You’re my inspiration, did you know that?”
(Y/N) laughed, muffled by his shoulder, and nodded.
“Yes. You tell me every day.”
He grinned even wider and tugged her closer. In this moment, he needed to be as close as possible.
“That’s right. I’m going to be the best husband I can possibly be to you.” His eyes fluttered shut as he held her, inhaling the familiar fragrance of her perfume mixed with her natural scent.
Leo had never been more sure of something in his life, especially after the conviction with which she gave her answer. He pulled back, just enough to take her hand and slide the ring onto her finger. She was distracted from him for a moment, holding the ring up to admire it properly and give it the attention it deserved. He smiled and glanced at the ring as well, but his eyes traced back down her arm and to her wistful and dreamy expression.
“You’re so beautiful.” He said, caressing her cheek and wiping her remaining tears away.
(Y/N) smiled as she looked at him. She could never quite get used to the sound of his romantic praises. Leo delicately leaned in to press a sweet, loving kiss to her lips, marking the start of a new chapter of their lives. He had zero regrets about this choice; and neither did she. As he kissed her gently and softly, and as she kissed him back, he knew for certain that this was the right decision, that there was absolutely no one else he would ever love as much as he loved (Y/N). She was his reason for living, his joy, his muse, and most of all, his home.
Finally, he knew who he was and what he wanted. He had found his spark.