Archive of Our Own

It was a rainy December night, and Xinyu was stuck at a party that her brother’s friends. Particularly, some guy named Renjun was hosting, you’d think with a name like that he’d speak her language, but he was born and raised Japanese.

It’d been forever since she’d been able to converse with someone in her native tongue, and being from an area of China where the dialect was incomprehensible to most other Chinese people didn’t help. Her brother was the only person she could comfortably speak Wenzhounese with, and it was very isolating.

She only came to Kyoto for him, but their relationship was strained over the past couple of years, and even though they were working it out, things still felt… Different. Xinyu stood in the corner, trying her best not to socialize and have people figure out that she wasn’t fluent in Japanese the way her brother was.

She scrolled through her social media feed, filled with couples as usual. Beautiful women with, well, rather subpar men. The men all looked so ambivalent about their gorgeous girlfriends, and yet the girls looked at them with starry eyes, begging for approval. She couldn’t stand it anymore, something about it just irked her.

She set down her phone in frustration, and absorbed her chilly surroundings. God, the weather in Kyoto was so strange, she still hadn’t adjusted to it. The city was, beautiful in its own right, rich in cultural tradition, yet not too unfamiliar with modernity. But, she did miss the comfortability of being back in a culture she was familiar with.

As she stood there, observing everyone around her, she noticed someone who stood out. A mysterious girl, couldn’t have been much older than herself, dressed to the nines in a suit and tie, and, Xinyu couldn’t explain it, as if she was unable to take her off of her.

She seemed to be making rounds to everyone at the party, in fact that’s the only person she’d seen converse with her brother Sicheng’s boyfriend who was – on average – twelve years older than everyone else, and a whopping nineteen years older than Xinyu herself. Which always made her a bit uncomfortable, even if her brother was eight years older than her, he was still young compared to his lover.

Regardless, the girl had no issues conversing with him without feeling awkward like the other guests. As if she had some deeper understanding of his way of life, and past experiences. It was intriguing for such a young face to seem so business professional, as if she was employed in a field where pitching and sales mattered. And she looked so professional, too.

Yet, her face felt exotic, fresh, like the girls who took her breath away on her xiao hong shu homepage. Xinyu almost hoped that she didn’t come up to her, because that would mean an awkward, broken Japanese filled conversation. If you could even call it that.

But as luck – or the opposite, in Xinyu’s opinion – would have it, there she was, face to face with the mysterious woman. “Hi! I’m Sohyun.” She bowed, introducing herself very comfortably in Japanese. “H-Hi, I’m Xinyu.” At least it was one thing she could say right, “Nice to meet you! Are you Sicheng’s sister?” It took her a minute to catch on, but she followed up with a nod.

She was taken by surprise, by what happened next. “Well then, it is especially nice to meet you. Your brother is extremely talented.” Sohyun spoke in fluent Wenzhounese, but how? Her name didn’t sound Chinese or even Japanese, and Oujiang Tong Au is a very difficult dialect to speak in even for other Chinese people. I mean, it is considered its own language by all technicality.

Sohyun seemed to notice the shock on her face, and followed up with. “I lived in Wenzhou until I was 10, I also speak 6 different languages.” Xinyu’s face made her shock evident, who was this girl? “Wow, that’s- that’s incredible. So you’re from Zhejiang?” Her curiosity piqued, “Yes but my parents are from Seoul, moving back to Hanam Dong was a big adjustment for me though. Until I was 10, I was most comfortable speaking in Wenzhounese or Mandarin, Korean is an easy language to learn but hard to adjust to.”

She divulged this information very freely, which didn’t seem to be apart of her normal pattern of behavior considering that she didn’t seem to speak so personally to the others in the room. “So, what changed?” Xinyu was fascinated, utterly captivated by the mysterious foreigner. “I became obsessed with language, I wanted to communicate my thoughts coherently at all times.”

She had Xinyu’s admiration immediately, how passionate she must’ve been to dedicate herself to language so much. “You’re pretty smart, eh?” She tried to be casual, afraid to embarrass herself if she seemed too starstruck. Sohyun chuckled, although her attempt at humility seemed more like cockiness. “Really, it’s nothing. Thank you.”

Her face felt unreal, like a sculpture. Xinyu felt a buzz generate from her phone, and lifted it up quickly to see who it was from. After seeing ‘Chenle’ pop up as the notification name, she lost interest and set her phone down immediately. Her so-called beloved boyfriend made very little effort to maintain a relationship ever since they became long-distance lovers.

“So, would you like to-“ Sohyun makes a juggling gesture, “Exchange SNS?” Sohyun could be quite cute, too. “Sure, that’d be great, honestly. I have nobody that I can talk to comfortably here.” This was the start of something unexpected for Xinyu, she didn’t plan on making friends in Japan, in fact, that was the opposite of what she wanted to do.

She just wanted to get her daily life settled before she worried about her social life. But Sohyun had this special aura, like she was different from the rest of the world. Her looks alone made Xinyu feel a way she never had before, she couldn’t pinpoint it, her heart was pounding fast and she just wanted to know everything about Sohyun that she possibly could.

-

Sohyun: how’s it going? ;)

That was the first text Xinyu received. It was late at night, and she was still awake due to how incessant her lovely next door neighbors were. She had no idea why her brothers’ boyfriend didn’t come home until around 1:00 am, all she knew was the sound of Yuta’s car parking on the street always woke her up out of a dead sleep.

Xinyu: trying to sleep, unsuccessful though

Sohyun: I’m sorry.

Sohyun: I can’t sleep either

Sohyun: you wanna hang out?

Xinyu: sure, I’m not doing anything better

Sohyun: meet me at Kamo River~

Xinyu: alright

She had no clue where that was and was probably too tired to do this level of navigation, but, that didn’t matter. The adrenaline of being able to see Sohyun again was enough to spring her off of her feet and get dressed, which took a longer time than anticipated. She could’ve sworn her coordination was shot that day, the way everything was more difficult than it usually was.

Once she got ready she headed out, using her phone for directions. On her way out, she noticed Yuta talking with some guy that was even older than him, with a pretty pensive expression. His sleeves were rolled up for the first time, and she saw that his arms were covered in tattoos, the style of tattoos she’d seen in all those yakuza movies. Was Yuta affiliated in illegal activities? Well, that wasn’t Xinyu’s problem at the moment.

Best to keep that in mind for later though. It didn’t take her long to get there from where she lived, maybe Sohyun had an idea of the neighborhood that Xinyu lived in from Sicheng. She saw Sohyun glowing in the moonlight, it was a sight for sore eyes.

My God, she was so beautiful, Xinyu couldn’t even describe what she was feeling right now. Was it envy? Aesthetic attraction? Or- or was it… “Hello, Xinyu.” Her deep voice stated, and Xinyu fell timid at her glance. “Hi, Sohyun.” She froze up, what could she say? This girl was… She was cool! And Xinyu didn’t have anything going on for herself, rather, she lived in the shadow of her two older siblings.

“You ever been here before?” It’s almost like when guys attempted to flirt with her, except instead of feeling annoyed, or worried what might happen if she had to reject him at the end of the night and it hurt his ego, she actually felt… Flattered…? “No, nuh-uh.” She shook her head, “I’m glad I got to be your first then.” Her cheeks turned beet red.

At first, things were awkward between them. How could they not be? They were on two separate wavelengths, but moments like this brought them closer. Being alone, getting to know one another, it was soft, intimate. “Do you know what they say in other parts of the mainland?” Xinyu raised an eyebrow, “They say; ‘fear not the Heavens, fear not the Earth, but fear the Wenzhou man speaking Wenzhounese.’”

“Why is that?” Xinyu tilted her head. “Because in the war, they communicated only in Wenzhounese, so that nobody could understand them.”

She was impressed, Sohyun seemed so intelligent. “You sure do know your stuff, don’t you?” She spared a passing glance with Xinyu, “I’m always learning.” Her smirk was so attractive, without even trying. They sat by the river, breeze gently blowing through the hemisphere. It was as if it was cradling Xinyu to sleep. “You want me to walk you home?” Sohyun’s voice only soothed her more, “Yes, please.”

They made the walk back, and Sohyun walked her right up to the door. “Thank you, tonight was lovely.” The night, so obviously a date, yet Xinyu was ever so fooled by the societal constructs of who can date that it wasn’t apparent to her. “Would you like to come inside?” Sohyun nodded, “Sure.” A delightful response was returned.

As they made their way inside, Sohyun took a look around the large interior. Yuta helped get this place for Xinyu and it was rather luxurious, Sohyun was impressed, even with coming from such a rich family. “You’ve got a nice place.” She smiled, “Thanks.” They both took their shoes off at the genkan, and made their way inside.

The room fell silent, and they found themselves gazing into each other’s eyes. The stare was intense, as if the world around them had dissipated, and Sohyun saw this as a sign. She brought the slightly ever younger in, beginning a deep and passionate kiss. Xinyu was shocked, confused by everything running through her at that moment.

But, she couldn’t stop engaging in Sohyun’s affection. She was enthralled by it, functioning sheerly off of adrenaline from that point onward. Sohyun pushed her against a wall, and that’s when she felt a heat pulsing through her veins, submitting to Sohyun completely.

This, this feeling- it was too much. Chenle didn’t even cross her mind for a moment when Sohyun unbuttoned her jeans, reaching a hand down her pants. Even without preemptively knowing, she wanted whatever Sohyun was gonna do to her. “God, you’re so wet.” Her fingers made contact with the other’s pussy, getting soaked by the secretion.

She began using the moisture as lubricant as she slid her fingers up and down Xinyu’s clit, and Xinyu felt as if she was going to ascend. Never before had she felt something so surreal, like she was going to float outside of her body. She’d always believed that the enjoyment of sex was a male-centric idea, and yet, now she felt that she was basically a guy.

The heat through her body pulsating straight to her cunt, and she was fueled by desire now. It wasn’t long before her orgasm arrived, just from a little bit of Sohyun. She’d never experienced such an otherworldly feeling, she was seeing stars, it felt as if her legs could give out at any moment. “Xinyu, I really like y-“ She was interrupted, “This can’t happen again.”

Regret fueled Xinyu’s mind in that moment, this wasn’t supposed to be how things went. She wasn’t supposed to have these… These feelings. It wasn’t just a betrayal to Chenle, it was a betrayal to herself, and the life she was supposed to have. “Did- Did I upset you?” Sohyun tenderly asked, “No, I just got… Carried away… I have a boyfriend, I can’t be messing around.”

Sohyun let out a heave of disappointment, the first girl she’s fallen for in a while and of course she has a boyfriend. “I’m- I’m sorry, I just thought you seemed interested-“ An authoritative reply once again interrupted. “Well, you thought wrong.”

They once again fell into a silence, but this time especially uncomfortable. Sohyun collected her shoes from the genkan and headed out, rather frustrated. Did Xinyu send her mixed signals? Even if she did, it was unintentional, she didn’t even know there was signals. Now, instead of anxiety-ridden, she just felt… Sad.

A type of sadness that she hadn’t felt in a long time, the same type of sadness she felt when she was mad at her brother. Except, except it wasn’t sadness, it was guilt.

Xinyu felt guilty.

-

Just another day, Xinyu woke up with an akin sense of exhaustion though. She wasn’t sure if it was stress, or what sounded like – but she knew it wasn’t – her neighbors moving furniture all night long. She headed to the kitchen to drink some long-awaited coffee, and scroll through her social media.

Qian: how’s it going?

She hated getting texts from her sister, thoroughly convinced that Sicheng was lucky that she didn’t talk to him. Although, someone being gay is a stupid reason to cease communication with them, she did prefer talking to Sicheng when he was single. Because then he was just gay as in queer and not gay as in happy, and his relationship with that old geezer annoyed the hell out of Xinyu.

Xinyu: what do you need?

Her sister never contacted her out of love, so there’s no chance that this wasn’t some sort of request, or a way to shove her accomplishments in her face. Their parents truly did a number on the three of them.

Qian: just wanted to know if you’re… you know… settling in

Xinyu: what is that supposed to mean?

Qian: I’m just saying you’re in a different country, I can’t imagine it’s very welcoming. Not much like home.

Xinyu: I’m doing fine

Qian: what about Sicheng, is he still, you know… Weird?

Xinyu: you contacted me just to ask if my brother is still gay you’re gonna be disappointed with my answer

Xinyu: he’s happy now, Qian. I may not know him like I used to, but I can see it on his face.

Qian: I doubt he’s happy like that

Qian: what about our family name?

Qian: what if he wants to have kids?

Xinyu: don’t pretend to know him more than I do, you were always too busy being the golden child to pay attention to your little siblings

Qian: I did what I had to do in order to become successful, you should’ve too

Xinyu: whatever, don’t text me again

Qian: don’t come crying to me when following your brother blindly ends up getting you hurt.

She slammed her phone down, uncaring of the consequences of doing so. Her older sister bringing a spiral of rage to her that felt like flames, slowly bringing her bloodstream to a boil.

How could someone be so heartless? She loathed seeing those who hurt others without a care, internalized the anger of that more than the hurt caused by insults lodged at herself.

And as such, her anger wouldn’t silence, unless she could find some sort of petty way to get back at her only sister. Family discourse, never includes rationale. She blocked her phone, and went back to scrolling social media.

Chenle had posted another photo, interesting considering he never quite had the time to text her back. But while she felt mild frustration building up towards her boyfriend, upon seeing the comment section filled with beautiful women who so desperately wanted him to themselves, she remembered why she enjoyed his companionship.

She liked the status among women that dating such a handsome man gave her, she assumed that’s how they all felt, like some sort of illusive club. The jealousy of those women making something in her come alive, more than Chenle himself ever could.

Unsurprisingly it wasn’t long until she was upset at him again, when she saw he’d liked a post of another girl once again. She’d been taught that it meant something, that it mattered whether he took peeps at other girls that his lustful heart desired. But his lust was empty, just a simple passing feeling that required no fickleness. He had no care where his desire was directed, because it empty.

Just as every feeling she’d directed towards him was.

-
Xinyu’s days were rather bland, slow even. She had no job, it was as if she lived in the shadow of her brother. She was selfless to a fault, always worried about the approval of others, never considered of her own happiness.

At home alone, her thoughts wandered. She’d texted Chenle for a bit, but he never answered in time. She was beginning to think that he no longer cared for her, and as much as she should’ve been sad, she couldn’t help but feel numb.

There was something eating at her though, burrowing away at her conscience.

Sorrow filled texts from Sohyun kept flooding through Xinyu’s notifications. She’d considered blocking her a few times by now, never feeling so annoyed by any woman as she did when it came to Sohyun. And yet, she couldn’t muster the will to actually block her, rather, she felt bad.

Sohyun: I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable :(

Sohyun: I didn’t know you were straight

Sohyun: I honestly thought we were on a date

Sohyun: I feel so bad

Sohyun: if you don’t wanna talk again that’s fine, I understand

Felt bad that Sohyun had held these feelings, as if she’d made a mistake, because of Xinyu’s own life. So she texted Sohyun, even though she knew she might regret it later, she couldn’t bare the idea of her feeling this way.

Xinyu: look, I’m sorry

Sohyun: no!! really, it’s my fault

Sohyun: I crossed boundaries

Xinyu wasn’t sure if she did though, because in retrospect, Xinyu did have a desire for Sohyun, she wanted her just as badly, but she was confused.

Stuck at a crossroads between two possible lifestyles, unable to have her cake and eat it too. By texting Sohyun back, she tilted towards a lifestyle that she’d never known of, one that was always right in front of her but just out of her grasp.

Xinyu: no, you didn’t.

She ended it there, no need to elaborate on what she didn’t fully understand.

The imagery kept flashing through her mind, conflicting her to an unending status. The way Sohyun kissed her, the way Sohyun touched her. It was something no man could’ve ever done, and she was in a state of hypnosis, one that only a woman could ever put her in.

It was as if her whole life had been contextualized, hours spent watching the same music video on repeat just to see a girl dancing, the way her heart would pound when a girl smiled back at her, the shyness she felt around the female friends she liked a bit too much.

And the choice became obvious, the path was illuminated with the brightest of lights, the lights that Sohyun had casted. And she felt warm and tingly inside, wanting the lights to shine down upon her.

Her hands trembled, as she typed. The words, coming out slower than ever, she only had one sentence she needed to say, one to confirm her destiny.

Xinyu: I need to see you

In that moment, she’d left everything she’d ever known behind. She needed this, needed to see what life was like, if she would feel free, choosing to go down this path.

She needed to follow the white rabbit, needed to follow Sohyun

-

Sohyun was a lonely child, not quite feeling at one with her home of Wenzhou due to her ethnicity, but not quite at home in Korea because of her nationality.

Torn between two worlds, she found it difficult to maintain stable connections even at a young age. This year, she hadn’t known it yet, but her parents were getting ready to move back to Seoul in just a few months.

That day, it was an odd one. The air was thick and concentrated with smog, an air quality advisory being shared on the local news broadcast. Everyday, she was tasked with taking her little brother to school, his elementary school building was only a few blocks away from hers.

“Sister, do you think those clouds up there are from jinx the giant sneezing?” He referred to a character that Sohyun had made up to entertain him, and to explain the strange weather changes depending on where they’d been staying.

She got down to his level, “Well, Jisung. I heard he has a bad cold right now, but he can get better if he has some spicy soup.” She gave him a hug, and saw him off to his school.

As she made the walk from his school to hers, she became more and more observant of her surroundings. But the moment she set foot onto school grounds, she saw her, the most beautiful girl she’d ever laid eyes upon. She wasn’t sure who she was, she’d attended a different class than Sohyun, but by God, she was gorgeous.

This was Sohyun’s gay awakening, she couldn’t stop thinking about the girl day and night. And after months of hoping and fantasizing about talking to her, she finally gained the courage to approach the girl.

She held the bracelet in her hand, it was a charm bracelet, but it only had one charm. She planned to give the girl a charm everyday, until she won over her affection. So when she saw the girl in the halls, she ran up to her.

“Here, I made this for you.” The 10 year old shyly said, and the other girl childishly giggled. “Thank you.” And that was the end of it, she ran back to her class. Her heart raced, so excited about her first crush accepting her gift.

That day, she skipped the whole way home, beaming in joy over the interaction. “What are you so happy about?” Jisung inquired, to which she delightfully replied; “I made a new friend!”

This was the most at home she had ever felt, she was socializing and had gained enough confidence to approach her piers. But as she made her way into her house, her heart sank.

Boxes packed, luggage full of their belongings, it was obvious from the very moment she saw it. “What’s going on?” Sohyun asked, “We’re moving back to Seoul!” Her mother said that as if it were a good thing.

She never saw the girl again, separated from the only country she’d known in her 10 years of life, it was so confusing for a child her age. All she’d ever wanted was a place to call home, she dreamt that one day she’d find one.

-

Xinyu fidgeted with her charm bracelet as she waited outside of Sohyun’s door, it always alleviated her nerves for some reason. She couldn’t remember where she got it, but she felt happy whenever she seen it. Her sister used to get so annoyed at her for making those annoying noises with her bracelet, but it never stopped her.

Sohyun opened the front door to the apartment she’d rented in Kyoto, cheaper than a hotel for long term stay. And when she opened the door, a quite sorrowful Xinyu greeted her gaze. “I… Need to talk to you.” She apprehensively spoke, and Sohyun let her in.

She walked into the genkan and took her shoes off, then had a seat at the kotatsu, the heat on her legs helping to distract her busy mind. Sohyun took the seat across from her, “So what’s up?” Her attitude was cavalier once again.

Xinyu let out a deep breath, hands trembling from nerves. “All my life… I never considered dating- dating another woman an option…” She spoke with hesitation. “But you, you changed things for me. Made me question everything I’ve ever known.” She tussled with her bracelet once more.

“I- I like you Sohyun.” She finally admitted, not just to the other but to herself. Sohyun didn’t seem phased, in fact, she expected this reaction the moment she received Xinyu’s last text.

They sat in silence for a moment, but Sohyun, almost suddenly, quietly uttered; “You’re beautiful.” In admiration of all of her one of a kind features.

Xinyu got bashful, almost immediately, and directed her eyes back to her bracelet, but it wouldn’t be that way for long. Sohyun got up from the kotatsu and lifted her head up, embracing her in a deep kiss. It was as if the world around her dissipated, and only Sohyun remained in that moment.

A special kind of magic that she had, one that Xinyu wanted to bask in. Sohyun’s heat was like a wave of warmth subtly coating Xinyu’s body, and she grabbed ahold of her hand, yet unlike the cold and callus hands of a man, her hands were soft and supple.

A feeling Xinyu could revel in, it was all she could ever want, to be connected to such beauty, as if they’d become one sole entity.

There were waves of shock, too, as if surprised that she’d be lucky enough for someone so… Perfect, to want her in the way that she’d always subconsciously desired.

Never before had her heart pounded, nor her thirst quenched or her heart ached for another in this manner.

And Sohyun could say the same, she’d seen the bracelet and known from that very moment, Xinyu was her soul mate. Even if they still needed to get to know each other, that didn’t blind her to what her heart knew.

The passion in the air was thick, but before things were to escalate any further, Sohyun stopped herself. “I think we should wait until you have a clearer mind.” She said, and Xinyu almost felt disappointed.

“Don’t worry, baby. We’ll catch up in no time.” That made up for it, her natural charisma showcasing itself with ease.

Xinyu left Sohyun’s apartment happy, this was the start of her new life, and she was as excited as she could ever be, nothing could kill her momentum. Well, almost nothing…

Chenle: I bought you an anniversary gift! What did you say your address was again?

-

As Xinyu seated herself in her brother’s peculiarly expensive home, which formerly housed Yuta alone, she couldn’t help but feel jittery. Her life was in chaos, and she wasn’t sure what to do.

Sicheng finally got face to face with her, after cooking her some warm tea to soothe her nerves. “I-“ She hesitated, “I’m at a crossroads.” The admission hard for even her.

Sicheng grabbed his sister by the hands, his long, delicate fingers, comforting her, as the always did. “It’s okay, I’m here.” She realized her brother could probably understand her more than she’d thought he’d been able to, they were more alike than she ever thought.

Still, seeing his sweet red phoenix eyes staring into her, it almost made her feel guilty. As if she should’ve felt shame for how she wanted to live, she knew it probably didn’t make any sense, considering Sicheng lived with his ancient dinosaur of a boyfriend, but it wrecked her psyche, anyways.

She had to build up the courage, clenching her fist so vigorously, her nails left marks on her palm, and when she did, she let go, and it all flooded out. “I think I like women! And there’s this gorgeous woman that has me spinning in my seat everytime I see her. I cheated on Chenle with her!”

She let it out in a long run on sentence, speeding through the words as if she didn’t intend for him to hear them. Sicheng didn’t appear shocked at all, in fact, he seemed empathetic.

“I always knew this day would come,” He explained. “I saw the glances you spared women passing by, how you developed feelings for your friends, how much you supported actresses or singers you liked.” This was ringing a lot of bells for Xinyu

“And I could always tell that those things, they weren’t a longing that lacked romanticism” Xinyu didn’t know many things, but she knew her brother was always right about her. He was the one person she could go to when she needed. “W-Wow… I- I never realized it’d been that obvious.”

He shook his head, “It’s not. Qian probably never knew, I know because I understand the feeling, longing for something you can’t have.” She never quite understood how hard he had it, as the days passed by, she started to understand more why Sicheng left, why he had to leave, even at the risk of leaving her behind.

It’s a grudge she couldn’t have against him, he came back for her a year later. But, as great as this moment was, she still had a heart to break. Chenle seemed still very smitten for her, and it was gonna be painful to break it off with him.

“Well, what should I do about Chenle?” She inquired, stressed about her future. “All things come to an end, better to break his heart with the truth than to break it with a lie.” He was right, she had to break it off.

That was easier said than done. Honestly, she wished that he would just break up with her so that she didn’t have to be the one to initiate it.

She wouldn’t be so fortunate, instead, she would have to do the impossible in order to secure her happiness.

Sohyun felt like her destiny, like the perfect person. And she wasn’t about to lose that for anything, or anyone.

-

Sohyun often felt alone, isolated. She didn’t see Jisung much once he got to high school, he was too consumed in his own life.

Her parents were hardly home throughout her childhood, so she was raised by a nanny. First, in China, it was Han Dong, a kind woman who always treated Sohyun special. They had a great connection, like Han Dong could understand what it was like to be her.

Sohyun later realized that Han Dong related to her because she reminded her of herself, after attending her wedding in Taiwan. After that, she didn’t see much more of her.

She spent too much time alone, and it made her feel anxious. This severe loneliness, it’s unimaginable to most, unless they’ve been in such depths of darkness.

That’s why she started spending copious hours online, anything to dull the numbness, the emptiness of being alone. Her ability to speak multiple languages, aiding her in connecting.

And she did connect, but nothing palpable. That’s how she ended up at that fateful party, the moment that changed her life. The moment she laid eyes on Xinyu, on the little girl that changed her life, now a grown woman, that hole that resided so deeply within her disappeared.

And instead, there was a warmth. One that radiated from her heart, throughout her whole body. And her mind became flooded with thoughts of Xinyu, almost obsessively so.

And everything reminded her of Xinyu, everything a memory of the sweet interactions. Even when Xinyu had doubted things, wanted to return to the ways that the world had convinced her into believing, Sohyun still felt just as enamored.

-

“Are you ready?” Sohyun gently asked. Xinyu was overeager, actually, her mind still reliving the first sexual encounter the two had.

“Yes.” She nodded, and Sohyun gently caressed her, bringing the other into a tight embrace. Their lips met, in a warm moment of passion, and their tongue began to quarrel.

A moment of hot passion that could not compare to anything either girl had experienced in their years.

Xinyu had slept with a handful of men among her time, as if she were trying to prove something, but it’d always left her unsatisfied.

And Sohyun had only briefly hooked up at parties, just empty meaningless sex, and she’d end up cold in an empty bed afterwards. As lonely as when she started, feeling a stringent sense of shame for her unrelenting lust and pathetic need for attachment.

Taking things slow, properly making love, had been a first for the both of them. And they cherished every moment, taking their time exploring one and other’s mouths.

Sohyun pulled away, earning a thorough whine from the younger. “Come back here baby.” She pouted, and Sohyun only gave an enamored glance as she began to undress her.

Xinyu couldn’t help but giggle, feeling flustered at the thought of someone so charismatic, so handsome, so desirable, seeing her naked.

Her tank top had been the first to leave her body, slowly slipped off to reveal her bra, which wasn’t doing much work due to her small chest.

She gestured for Xinyu to lean up before unclasping her bra, revealing her beautifully petite breasts. Sohyun found flatter chests to be erotic, something so simple, yet beautiful about them.

Xinyu felt exposed, Sohyun’s leering eyes prodding her. So she reached for Sohyun’s shirt, “I can’t be the only one half-naked here.” A remark made teasingly.

Sohyun’s loose fitting T-shirt soon came off, revealing her braless breasts. Her tits were magnificent, voluptuous and perfectly rounded, complimented with such appropriately sized nipples.

Xinyu couldn’t help but squeeze them, with a small grunt coming from the older. They were so warm, squishy, and soft. The warmth made every bone and ligament in her body thankful.

She couldn’t stop there, so she pulled her closer and let her left nipple enter her mouth, beginning to suck her nipples.

It was interesting, Xinyu’s nipples were never that sensitive, but Sohyun’s? She let out a deep moan the minute Xinyu began sucking.

Sohyun could feel her clit twitching, and Xinyu only furthered this by toying with her other nipple with her fingers.

“Stop,” Sohyun didn’t wanna cum like this, maybe another time, but tonight? Tonight was their first proper time together, and she wasn’t going to squander it.

“Ive got something better, have you ever tried 69?” Xinyu had heard the term, mostly as the type of joke a college douchebag might make, but she’d never considered it an option.

“No, does-“ She felt like this might’ve been a stupid question. “Does it feel good?” And Sohyun smirked immediately, leaving her without a response.

She stripped Xinyu of her jeans, and then of her lace detailed panties, and enjoyed the view of her unadulterated hairless cunt.

She followed up with stripping of her own jeans and briefs, her pussy already soaking her boxers. She got into position, her cunt in Xinyu’s face, and hers in Xinyu’s cunt.

They were both soaking wet, and their clits were erect with excitement in this position. Sohyun was the first, tongue gently prodding at her clit, and Xinyu caved, moaning so lewdly, she was scared her brother may have heard from next door over.

Xinyu was a bit halting, scared of doing it wrong, of turning Sohyun off. But she was so visibly horny, so wet that she was dripping onto Xinyu’s chest.

Xinyu licked a gentle stripe down from her clit to her labia, apprehensively. But once she did, it was as if it came second nature to her.

She went all in, attacking the woman’s clit with ease, wetness helping guide her tongue.

She could feel the vibrations of Sohyun moaning into her cunt, it only made her more aroused.

The scene was so lewd; so obscene. Sohyun couldn’t even believe this was happening, this was a fantasy come true, and she enjoyed everything second of it.

The feeling was so acute, wetness atop wetness, the taste buds acting as ridges that caused a sensation that couldn’t be matched by anything.

And Xinyu loved the taste of pussy, a different kind of nectar that she had not yet become accustomed to.

Sohyun’s licks were more like kisses, she’d lick, and then follow with an open mouth kiss. And Sohyun could feel her girlfriend’s nose pressed against her hole.

She couldn’t help but thrust into Xinyu’s face, practically riding it. This, this was the sweaty, hot passion that Sohyun had craved in every dull hookup.

They were so in tune with one another, it was as if they’d become one sexually charged person rather than two bodies.

Xinyu, needy and desperate to cum, couldn’t stop moaning. Could tell the other girl had almost reached the finish line herself, so she pressed her nose harder against her hot cunt.

Meanwhile, Sohyun wanted to drive Xinyu to insanity, so she inserted two fingers inside of the younger and thrusted – rough and demanding.

And the sensation of two sense of pleasure, fuck, it was divine. It was too bad that Xinyu’s acrylic nails hindered her from the same, but Sohyun didn’t seem to mind. It wouldn’t be until much later on that Sohyun confessed that she disliked penetration.

Xinyu appreciated the feeling of fullness, but much like many women, couldn’t cum from penetration alone
Finally, finally Xinyu was tangible, in her grasps. Nothing she would ever want to change about this moment, as they kissed under the moonlight. But, things hadn’t been as joyous for Xinyu.

As the weight and guilt crashed down onto her like a plane, as Chenle’s text sat on unread. The more she felt badly about her actions, the less she wanted to confront them.

Instead, she reverted to the solace that Sohyun provided her. Searched for that beauty, because she knew that if she were to tell Chenle, it would become her own personal hell.-

“Are you ready?” Sohyun sweetly inquired, “Yes, I am.” She was wary, but the younger made her feel brave. . This, this feeling of having both her clit and vagina attacked in tandem, it was surreal.

Xinyu couldn’t hold back, but she didn’t stop pleasing Sohyun, not for a minute. So her loud moans were muffled by Sohyun’s hot pussy, and her orgasm was the best feeling she’d ever imagined.

She was seeing stars, her body was now weightless, and she was tingly from head to toe.

This was the second orgasm Xinyu had ever experienced, the first being from Sohyun’s fingers when they first met.

Sohyun was quick to follow in her girlfriends’ footsteps, the best orgasm she’d ever felt out of anyone she’d been with.

Sohyun was still licking, Xinyu’s leg now twitching from the overstimulation. She was so close to a second orgasm, and Sohyun only exacerbated it.

Her second orgasm left her in tears, a complete overstimulated mess. And Sohyun finally got off of her and laid beside her breathlessly, the pair thoroughly exhausted from their carnal extremities.

“Hey,” Xinyu beckoned the older chaebol. “I love you.” She sweetly announced, causing Sohyun to pull her into another passionate kiss that seemed to last forever.

Once she’d broken the kiss for air, she looked at Xinyu with adoring eyes as she uttered; “I love you too.”

-

Waking up In Sohyun’s bed just felt right, like inner peace. Seeing her spot in the bed, wrinkled sheets outlining her body, made her heart flutter.

The smell of breakfast was the first familiar scent that’d hit her nostrils since she’d moved to Japan, it was a Wenzhou style breakfast.

Although the feather bed was plush and suited her body quite well, the sheets of a high thread count, blankets, ever-so soft. She wanted food more than catching some extra sleep.

So she threw on an oversized T-shirt that had been lying around in the older’s room, and slipped into the hard sole house shoes that awaited her feet.

Sohyun’s place was rather big, which she hadn’t taken as much of a notice to before, hormones and excitement consuming her, but appreciated now.

In the lavish kitchen, equipped with all kinds of gadgets, Sohyun was making glutinous rice, a Wenzhou traditional breakfast.

Although sticky rice is common in many regions and cultures, what made Wenzhou’s special was the topping of youtiao, rousong, scallions, pickled mustard greens, and a broth of pork belly and shiitake mushrooms.

Xinyu remembered growing up eating this exact dish for breakfast every morning in Wenzhou, brought her back to when her and Sicheng got along with Qian.

Too early for them to be worried about whether Sicheng was gay, or whether Xinyu was married, or whether Qian was providing for them.

She missed having an older sister and brother, she missed her family residing in one home, her parents loving her – even if it was conditional.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a buzz from her phone, anxiety standing aside her as she went to check it, what she saw made her heart drop.

Chenle: I’m flying to Japan tomorrow, I wanna visit you

“Breakfast is ready.” Sohyun announced as she served the rice, taking a seat at the kotatsu, “Oh, th-thank you.” She halfheartedly said, her appetite vanished.

They ate in silence, Sohyun wasn’t quite sure to say, and if she were, now wouldn’t be the right time. She could see the panic in Xinyu’s eye, knew that she was worried.

After they finished their food, Sohyun collected the bowls and washed them off, then returned to being face to face with Xinyu.

“What’s got you so upset?” Xinyu was caught off guard, “What do you mean?” She thought she’d hid it well, “Come on, babe. You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

How could she tell her? Tell her that she hadn’t broken up with her suddenly compassionate boyfriend, somehow the same guy who’d ignored her practically their entire relationship.

She could always tell he was looking at other girls, late nights out alone, extended time at Yizhuo’s house. She knew all about it.

It was perplexing, why the one moment he chose to reach out, was the only time she’d ever had anything to feel guilty about. Like he could smell her guilt all the way from China.

“My ex boyfriend.” She blurted out, without even thinking. “I mean- he’s- he’s… Not my ex yet.” Her hands were trembling. “I was too afraid to break up with him.”

But, Sohyun wasn’t mad. She could hardly be mad at someone like Xinyu, utterly infatuated with her, this was easily justifiable.

“Look- Chenle is kind of… Scary, he’s extremely powerful, his family… Everything… They just, know things about people.” Tears streaming down her face, and Sohyun brought her into her embrace.

A kind of warmth that coddled her sour feelings, “It’s okay, Xinyu. There’s nothing you could ever do to smolder the love that I have, my heart, it beats only for you.”

There were no words to express how Xinyu felt for the other in that moment, but there didn’t need to be. Silence felt comfortable, welcoming, as the somber moment resided.

-

It had been many mornings now, before Chenle came to town. All Xinyu could do was distract herself from the impending doom, so she did just as such.

Surrounding herself in the paradise that was Sohyun, someone who was a silent ease to a busy mind. So handsome within the morning light, she stroked her hair gently, earning a giggle from the other.

“You are such a deep sleeper.” She teased, “Well, I can’t help it with the way you tire me out.” Their faces, so close that they could feel each other’s hot breaths.

And all the worries in the world were gone, because they were deeply comfortable with one and other. “You know, you’d probably get some sleep too if you didn’t watch so many horror movies.”

“The killer always gets them if they have sex, babe. We’re targets!” Xinyu laughed, Sohyun was effortlessly funny to her, just had that special aura that made her inherently more charismatic.

“So, you’re saying virgins don’t die by scary movie laws?” She raised an eyebrow in a semi-sarcastic manner. “At least if they’re a girl, male slasher rules don’t exist because it’s called ‘last girl’ not last boy.”

Xinyu gave an almost sensual smirk, “I’m starting to understand why you like these movies.” Sohyun gave seductive eyes in return, “Why’s that?” Her tone, sultry in nature.

She leaned in, whispering in her ear. “Because the girls are the focus.” And just like that, a simple morning turned into another round, the desire in the room too strong.

But suddenly, they were interrupted by the dreaded sound of Xinyu’s phone pinging. Her heart dropped, she knew it could not have been anything good.

Chenle: in Kyoto, let’s meet today.

“Shit.” Xinyu muttered, her heart dropped, and Sohyun leaned in. “Hm?” She was concerned. “Chenle wants to meet.” Said as if it were news of death.

“Okay.” Sohyun was nonchalant, uncaring for what was to happen. “What do you mean okay?”

“We’ll meet him, tell him how you feel, he goes home, you’re off the hook.” Seemingly simple enough, not with Chenle though, he just had a way of over complicating things. “B-But Sohyun–“ she was interrupted, “But what?”

“I’m scared.” In a voice that was almost pleading, a tearful expression on her face. “You know what? Why don’t you bring your brother and his boyfriend, that way you feel more comfortable.”

Xinyu took a deep, shaky breath, anxiety creeping deep into her bones. As she made the choice she knew she had to, in order to protect her peace.

In order to protect the little slice of heaven she’d built with the doting Sohyun. It was hard, but important.

“I’ll do it, I’ll break up with Chenle.”

-

She was nervous, picking link off of her zip-up jacket. But Sicheng and Sohyun reassured her, Yuta, standing to the side, acting as a third-wheel.

He knew how Xinyu felt about him, that he was untrustworthy, too old to be dating her brother. And he understood how she could’ve felt that way, but also knew that she did not understand the undying love he held for Sicheng.

At first, it was impossible for her to understand, clear as day she’d never known a love such as what he held for Sicheng.

But now? Now he could see it, he saw the way that Sohyun and Xinyu glanced at each other. It was a spitting image of how him and Sicheng looked at one and other.

Maybe, with time, he could show Xinyu that the feelings she was having were exactly what he felt for Sicheng.

As the others kept up their championing of Xinyu, in almost perfect timing, an inconspicuous black cat pulled up, and Chenle got out of the backseat.

“Hello, Xinyu.” Yuta couldn’t understand them, but Chenle’s personality reminded him of a punk yakuza kid he killed not too long ago.

“Hello, Chenle.” And silence ensued, she could tell he was displeased. “Is this your new boyfriend?” He interrogated, glancing up and down. Before she got a chance to answer, “I know you’ve been cheating. I just didn’t expect it to be… With him.”

She was tongue tied, trying to speak but unable to move. “Wait a minute,” He observed Yuta further. “She’s not with Yuta, she’s with me!” Sohyun asserted.

He noticed a tattoo showing through his button up shirt, “You’re in the Yakuza aren’t you?” He spoke in poor Japanese this time, he’d had enough business meetings with Japanese shareholders to know that amalgamation of phrases. His family had their own dealings with the yakuza, as well.

“It’s unfortunate you had to go this way.” Yuta cocked his gun, Sohyun and Xinyu both gasped, while Sicheng seemed unfazed.

Just like that, everything was over with a loud bang, he shot Chenle on the head. “What the fuck, Yuta!? Where’d you even get a fucking gun from!?”

Sicheng gave a timid look of guilt, knowing he should not have kept Yuta’s… Occupation as secret from his sister. Xinyu took a notice to this, knew when her brother was hiding something.

“Your boyfriend was a gangster this whole time!?” Sicheng sheepishly avoided eye contact, almost childlike in nature. “You knew didn’t you! That’s how he affords to buy you all those expensive clothes.”

At this point, he wanted to run away, get out of the moment he was forced to experience. Xinyu, on the other hand, felt betrayed. She assumed the days of lying to each other were over, but this was just another lie.

She was scared; a man was dead on the ground, but she was even more concerned with how her brother had no real reaction to seeing a death.

How many times has Sicheng seen something like this? Is that why he was so accustomed to it? Xinyu was on the edge of going berserk.

“Xinyu, it’s not how you think-“ She interrupted, “How could it possibly not be what I think!? My fucking ex-boyfriend is dead!” Sicheng finally caved, and raised his voice as well.

“Yuta could’ve died if people knew what he was! Frankly, you don’t know anything about what he’s gone through, he did the only thing he could to escape poverty and he does it well! I don’t care what he has to do, I love him! By now, I thought you would’ve understood that.”

It enraged her, she couldn’t even pay attention to the people that Yuta had called in to clean up the body. And Sohyun came in closer to comfort her, somehow caught in the middle of family drama, but staying a passenger willingly.

She couldn’t believe her and Sicheng had somehow ended up on bad terms once again, after leaving the country for him, leaving behind everything she knew.

She almost mourned her old life, until she felt the soft touch of Sohyun, who she only met on the circumstances of living in Japan.

And it made it all, worth it in spite of everything. It distracted from the consuming chaos that surrounded her.

Her little slice of heaven.

-

The guilt consumed her.

Xinyu hadn’t talked to her brother in a month, she couldn’t bring herself to. The shock and trauma of witnessing a death in front of her own two eyes, changing her to the core.

How could the man who’d been so dear to her brother be a ruthless killer? He knew of his heartless ways, and stayed by his side.

Had Xinyu failed him? ‘Why— why would he turn to a murderer?’ Xinyu pondered. Her anxiety, assuming the worst of both parties.

Assuming that Sicheng must have been coerced in order to love someone like Yuta, that he was being corrupted by the man’s dark ways.

Yuta always creeped her out, he was far too old for Sicheng, and — in her eyes — her brother was far too naive to date an older man. But, Yuta bankrolled his lifestyle in Japan.

Knowing that her brother must’ve felt so isolated, so lonely, and Yuta was the only one who looked after him. She knew how most Japanese people looked at Chinese immigrants, an incredibly xenophobic scared of newcomers.

A place where stores were allowed to put signs up which said; ‘No Chinese Allowed.’ And the poorer of Japanese you spoke, the more likely you were to allude to the fact that you might be a gaijin.

If she had been there for her brother, if she’d actually supported him, instead of getting frustrated, jaded that he’d moved away. The only person she had to comfort her was Sohyun, an understanding and loving soul that did nothing but support her.

She would laugh with her, dance with her, spend every waking moment gazing tenderly into her eyes. She began to feel that Sohyun was made just for her.

That Sohyun was her knight in shining armor, the only person who’d ever understood her in that way. In a way that Chenle — God rest his soul — never could.

A deep, mutually unbreakable bond. She would do anything for Sohyun, and Sohyun would do anything for Xinyu.

And it was in the midst of that thought that she realized; ‘I care what he has to do, I love him!’ An impassioned Sicheng elaborated, a memory burned into Xinyu’s memory.

Yuta was Sicheng’s Sohyun, Yuta was the love of his life. A plethora of memories of Sicheng talking, impassioned, about Yuta. Of how he looked at the older yakuza man with starry eyes.

And Yuta, as fucked as it was, and as cold blooded as he was, Yuta was just as smitten as Sohyun had been for Xinyu.

Maybe…

Maybe Yuta wasn’t so bad after all, maybe… Maybe Yuta loved Sicheng the way that Sohyun loved Xinyu.

The thought weighed on her conscience for about a week, until she worked up the courage to text her brother.

Xinyu: Hey

Xinyu: I’m sorry

Xinyu: I understand now

Sicheng: ???

Xinyu: can we meet up

Sicheng: yes…

It wasn’t hard to arrange, they lived next door to one and other, making things awkward for both of them in a time like this.

Xinyu came over to Sicheng’s house, making herself at home in the place that Sicheng had decorated so eloquently.

“Look, I’m— I’m sorry…” Xinyu heaves a heavy sigh, “I’m sorry too.” Sicheng replies in a somber tone, “You were just trying to figure things out, and I got you involved in me and Yuta’s business.” He bitterly recalls, then follows up.

“A-and you’re my little sister,” He stammers. “I’m supposed to protect you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t that day, couldn’t take way what you saw, or— or the trauma you’ve endured from it.”

Xinyu brings him in for a hug, then mumbles; “I’m sorry too…” And it stays like that for a minute, and then, “For what?” Sicheng pondered, to Xinyu’s surprise.

They let go of each other, and she follows up. “Well, for… Always judging you and Yuta.” She explains.

“I get it now… Yuta is your Sohyun. He was there for you when even I couldn’t be, and if he loves you, then… I guess, what he does to give you a better life— it doesn’t matter. I’ll accept him, because he loves my brother.”

Sicheng brings her in for a big hug, he was never big on physical touch, always found it unpleasant when others would hug him. But in this moment, he had no other way to express his gratitude for his sister.

“I love you forever, Xinyu.” He utters so vulnerably, and all of the anguish and guilt she’d felt had relinquished itself.

Both her and her brother were finally free, without the inhibitions society made them carry about who they loved, no.

They were free.

—

Six years had passed, since Xinyu had began to live, rather than just survive. Six years, waking up with Sohyun beside her, with the comfort of knowing her true love was always there to comfort her.

This morning, the sun was just as radiant as Sohyun’s skin, it had been just as beautiful as the mornings prior. Sohyun woke Xinyu up in her embrace, hands slipping down to her warm pussy.

“Mmh~ Good morning, baby.” Xinyu gave Sohyun a sly peck on the lips, as she began to rub her clit with her middle and index finger. She always had such an intimate knowledge of her most erogenous zones.

The more she rubbed, the more she could feel every texture of her lengthy fingers, every groove, even her fingerprints. And as she approached her orgasm, she felt as if her and Sohyun had become one mutual person, rather than two organisms.

“I love you, forever.” Xinyu muttered, Sohyun’s caressing hands invading her body. “And I love you too.”