Chapter Text
You will never find more terrible people anywhere, than you would in a hospital. He’d mused over the fact during his first year at medical school—in fact, he still does now, head tucked between his arms flung across the desk.
Let it be known that Yang Jaewon was a sensitive soul; he cradled himself and others in a warm, all-encompassing sympathy. He had been raised to such a point, purposefully, by doting parents that loved him as much as he did them. When he had decided to study medicine during high school, his parents had clapped him on the shoulder and said it so gravely he’d thought he was in trouble; that a hospital was so full of sickness and unfairness, that there was no room for compassion. In no less serious words, they had told him he would have to make space for all the kindness in his heart.
He hates to admit it, but they had never been so wrong.
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It was probably a given that he would eventually feel the effects of being a trauma fellow. Those first few weeks had simply been exhaustion, body too unused to such flurry that when he had himself running back and forth it wavered. A few hours of shut eye and he had been back to normal.
Now though, after a few months of Doctor Baek’s tutelage, he was so completely sore all over that it was all he could think about when there wasn’t an impending emergency.
At first he had been sure to blame the bunk— seriously, who thought it was a good idea to cram him so close to the ceiling— but now, in his own bed at home, he was still wracked with tremors while his body fought to gain all those hours of rest it had lost all at once. Jaewon wasn’t a stranger to such aches, he had been quite the adventurous ween in his youth; not to even mention the countless all-nighters he had pulled slugging through medical school.
These though? They were getting ridiculous, and they were keeping him from getting a good nights sleep. God, even with his mothers chiding ‘do unto others what shall be done unto you’ attitude ringing in his ears, he had snapped at a few unsuspecting victims who had done nothing wrong.
His mum would be appalled.
In all honesty, he would rather roll himself into a blanket cocoon than go back to work – at least then he wouldn’t shout at anyone.
Of course, being an adult didn’t work that way, and he jolts awake from his half-slumber to his blaring alarm. He’s tempted to throw his phone across the room, but that would unproductive and only delay the inevitable.
The weather of his commute foreshadowed his future.
It was not great.
And now here he was, stuck in an OR for the last two hours with a particularly tricky trauma case. With Doctor Baek hovering over his shoulder, helping him less-than-kindly but impossible for him to refuse; he was getting lightheaded.
Seriously, he wasn’t one to get frustrated with others, but if he heard his mentor tell him that this surgery was easy— who knows what he’ll do to the man.
One stitch after another, and soon he would be able to curl up in the bunk while he had a few moments, maybe Doctor Baek wouldn’t even follow him there. He could only hope so.
Well that sounded far meaner than he meant for it to.
There was certainly a sort of palpable tension in the air between him and everyone else, his prior sleep-deprived digs and jibes had definitely been passed around between the hospital staff; even a patient had asked if it was him they had heard snap at some poor lady. He hadn’t dignified them with a real response, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t him. It had been embarrassing to be called out for it, even moreso when the man had laughed at his attempt at yelling.
It'll haunt him forever.
Finally, it’s time to close the surgery, and of course it’s the perfect moment for Doctor Baek to take his royal leave. Jaewon moves to take his place, and holds his hand out for the suturing equipment; there is nothing dropped into it.
He knows that the scrub tech was new. Probably her first few weeks doing the job in fact, with Cheon Jangmi guiding her through it all. Jangmi had actually, most likely, told him about this beforehand— he of course, had been staring into space rather than listening. That, still, does not stop the mean glare he sends her way. Yikes.
This moment will haunt him as well, probably, if he ever remembers it when he’s not in such a sorry state.
When the OR light flickers off, he’s pulled roughly to the hallway by who might just be the scariest person he’d ever seen in his entire life,
“Yang Jaewon! I just cannot believe you, if you don’t go and say sorry to Nurse Bang right now, so help me.” He can’t believe himself, to be frank, that he has to be scolded by Jangmi because he was tired. He’s the sorriest he’s felt in a while, and so he squares his shoulders and takes the reprimand to the face.
Scrubbing his hand against his face, he nods almost sullenly; half to hide the tears springing in his eyes at the fact that he’s just been yelled at, half to force his body to bristle up and get ready to find Nurse Bang.
It would sound like an excuse if he tried to explain himself, so instead he asks where the poor girl would be.
He heads straight to he bunkroom once he’s done apologising. Nurse Bang was lovely, and it makes his chest hurt knowing he had been so – so, incredibly rude to her.
Tucked under the thin sheets, he clamps his hands over his eyes in an attempt to staunch any tears or anything that threaten to burst. He’s so focused on it that he doesn’t notice that Doctor Baek had come to the stand beside the bunk until there’s a hand poking his shoulder for his attention.
A deep breath of air is all he does in acknowledgment— its not quite enough, in Kanghyuk’s eyes it must not be, because that hand pulls, and he’s suddenly flipped towards his mentor.
“What’s wrong with you?”
What a loaded question.
“Nothing,” Jaewon chooses to sniffle, clearly something wrong. He didn’t want to say it out loud, but he did want some sort of comfort, even if he isn’t sure that Doctor Baek was the sympathetic type of man for it.
He looks unconvinced, probably because of the red-rimmed eyes, or maybe the choked voice, “Then why are you crying?”
Even Jaewon wasn’t too sure. He was frustrated and sore and embarrassed, there were so many reasons but also none at all. It only made him want to cry more. Shaking his head weakly from where he’s still smushed unto his pillow, he shrugs his shoulders and looks away from Kanghyuk; as if the man would disappear if he couldn’t be seen. He doesn’t.
“I don’t know. I just- I can’t sleep because everything hurts and I’m being mean to everyone, and I hate everything.”
Theres a long pause, and Jaewon can almost believe that he had walked away to leave him to his pity party. Except that hand hasn’t left his hitching shoulder and Kanghyuk is still watching him.
“Get down here.” That sounded like an order, and Jaewon’s heart jumped at the thought of another sudden patient. It doesn’t last for very long though, considering his phone also has gone off, and the moment his feet are on the solid ground he’s being pushed to the lower bunk. The last time he sat there, he’d been told to never do it again.
“What are you going to do to me?” Anxiety bubbles at his throat, but he lets himself be coaxed forward onto his stomach.
Jaewon has no idea what’s going on, but the push and pull of Kanghyuk’s hands at his aching muscles is a relaxant he’s going to grow addicted to. If all he needed was a massage, he would’ve gone to a masseuse ages ago to save himself from all the things he’d done the past few weeks. It’s back to silence between the two of them, but his breath doesn’t shudder like it had before.
It's the first time in a while that he’d lain in a bed and felt comfortable enough to drift— he almost misses it when Kanghyuk speaks, “This is a one-time thing, so you better be grateful for it. I didn’t fight Han Yurim to have you join my team, just for you to be an asshole.”
And more quietly, “You’re the only reason we haven’t been at each other’s throats these past few months.”
It’s a thought that follows him to sleep.