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“All that you hope for
You hope for today
Is the love someone gives you
In an unconditional way.”
— Zendaya, “Neverland”
Addy has been having trouble sleeping. Shannon’s certain it’s her teeth coming in, and waking to her cries, finding her gnawing on her crib, Kaidan’s inclined to agree. She reaches for him the second she sees him at her door, tears trailing down her little rounded cheeks. He shushes his little girl as he scoops her up, holds her so her head rests on his shoulder. Instantly, her tiny hands ball up in his shirt as her tears dampen it by his neck. He shushes her again, rubs her back.
“It’s okay, little one,” he mutters, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “What’s got you so worked up, huh?”
Addy sniffles and babbles. It’s almost words. She’ll be speaking any day now. Many times he and Shannon can figure out what she wants easily, especially if she’s near what she wants and can show them. But this, when she’s upset over things he can’t control or she doesn’t quite understand, it’s more difficult. So he lets her chatter at him, swaying ever so slightly to soothe her. Her cries lessen, but the sniffles continue.
“Here,” Kaidan starts, reaching into the crib and snagging her stuffed dog, who Shannon calls “Varry”. Addy takes it the second he offers it, and buries her face in his fur. “It’s all right, honey. I’m here. It’s okay.”
Yet still she cries. It’s softer, sure, but still there. Still upsetting. Children cry. He knows that. It doesn’t make it any easier to bear. Kaidan remembers his mother’s face whenever he’d cried. Especially how she’d cried when he’d returned from Brain Camp, bruised and bloodied and eyes perpetually downcast. What had his mother done when he had cried?
She’d sung to him.
Kahente Desjardins has always been a lover of music. All kinds of music had been piped through the Alenko household as Kaidan had grown up. Classical, early 20th century, late 20th and early 21st, musicals, alien when she could get it, and even recordings of traditional Mohawk music, to keep them both in touch with their heritage. It was the latter she usually sang to him the most, traditional songs and lullabies. But he can’t remember them well enough to sing them to his own daughter. He’ll have to speak to his mother about that.
Instead, he thinks up one of his favorites, a song she sang to him always growing up, a song that held so much hope and meaning for her that it now holds for him.
“Okay, sweetie,” he says, clearing his throat and shifting her to his other arm. “Forgive me if it’s awful. It’s been a bit.” He takes to to the window, humming the opening bars to himself to get himself ready. At least Addy will be the only one who hears him. Less embarrassing that way. But he’d embarrass himself for her in a heartbeat.
Whenever I was frightened
Or if I ever felt alone
I turned to the night sky
And a star I call my own
Somewhere I could run to
Just across the Milky Way
If you like I could take you
It's just a light year and a day
The last part Kaidan sings directly to her, eyes falling on Addy’s cloud of dark, curly hair. She looks more and more like her mom every day. Sure, she has his eyes. But she has her mom’s short, wide nose. Her skin is just a few shades lighter than Shannon’s. And since his wife took a break from relaxing her hair, it’s just the length that’s different between them. He’s still certain as she gets older, she’ll be a mini-Shannon Shepard. The other Admiral is not so convinced. Addy shifts, her bright brown eyes finding his. He still marvels at the pure, unguarded love and trust in those eyes. It takes his breath away, even after everything he’s seen and done. He smiles at her, and knows his method’s working when she hides her face in his shoulder behind Varry. Addy gets shy when her dad makes her smile.
He turns his gaze back to the window, gently swaying, dancing with her.
We can sail away tonight
On a sea of pure moonlight
We can navigate the stars
To bring us back home
In a place so far away
We'll be young
That's how we'll stay
Every wish is a command
We will find ourselves in Never Neverland
He’d sung this to Shannon plenty of times. To make her smile, to make her blush, to have a song to dance with her to. The lyrics feel right to him when it comes to them. Living among the stars, travelling through the galaxy… only to come home to Earth. It hadn’t been her home, of course. She was born on Mindoir. But she made Earth her home. Made him her home. And of course, he’d made her his home as well. When she’d been near hopeless during the war, he had comforted her, held her and sang to her softly. Trying to find a reason for her to hope for their future with him. He’d like to think it worked. He spins slowly with Addy, drawing a small laugh from her as she clings tighter to his shirt.
Picture a land that you never have seen
Where life is eternal and evergreen
A future of happiness all in your hands
All in this place of your dreams
Here inside Neverland
That’s when Kaidan sees the other woman on his mind. Shannon leans against the doorway, the light hitting her own bouncy, cloud-like hair from behind and making her almost look like an angel. If angels usually come wearing only one of his shirts, anyway. He doesn’t know how long she’s been watching them. The smile on her face says it’s been the whole time. He remembers all the times he thought the idea of a “future of happiness” with Shannon was impossible—after Alchera, Horizon, Mars, the Crucible. When he had tormented himself with thoughts of what could have been or what he should have done differently.
It had all worked out in the end. Here she is, as beautiful as she had been the day they met all those years ago: the great Commander Shepard and her Lieutenant Alenko, rather than Admirals Shepard and Alenko. They’re both alive, healthy, working. They have friends all over the galaxy, a small family to look out for them, and a small family of their own. The place of his dreams. His own Neverland. He holds a hand out to her, shooting her a grin. Her smile widens, and she crosses the room and steps into his embrace, letting him hold her to his side. Addy mumbles sleepily at her mother as Shannon rests a hand on her back where Kaidan’s had been moments before.
We can sail away tonight
On a sea of pure moonlight
We can navigate the stars
To bring us back home
In a place so far away
Shannon hums along with him, thumb brushing over Addy’s back. He starts the next lines, and almost forgets the words when his wife’s gentle, soothing voice joins his. She remembers the short duet.
We’ll be young
That’s how we’ll stay
Every wish is a command
We will find ourselves
In Never Neverland
His heart flutters when her eyes meet his. Every time Kaidan thinks he can’t love her anymore, he proves himself wrong. Here she is, singing a song he considers theirs with him to their daughter. It’s an image he’s only dreamed about before. And here it is, unfolding before him, two of the most important women in his life right here in his arms. He has to swallow a lump in his throat, has to look away from Shannon to the sleeping form of their daughter in his arm before he can bring himself to finish the song in an almost wavering voice.
Every wish is a command
I am closer now
To finding Neverland
Neither Kaidan nor Shannon moves for a few silent moments, both watching Addy to make sure she’s asleep. When she doesn’t move, Shannon sighs in relief, holds her own arms out. Pressing a kiss to her head, Kaidan carefully maneuvers Addy into her mother’s arms, watching as she coos softly at the sleeping girl. She carries her to her crib and gives Addy a kiss of her own before laying her down. Varry’s still clutched in her hand. They give each other synchronized nods, practiced so many times on the battlefield, before finally leaving their daughter to her sleep.
As soon as the door shuts behind them, both Kaidan and Shannon let out a sigh of relief. Their eyes meet, a beat passes. Shannon snorts, starts to laugh, and Kaidan presses a hand to her mouth to stop it.
“Don’t,” he whispers, almost laughing himself as he presses her against the door. Her shoulders shake and his smile widens. “You’ll wake her up again, don’t laugh. Don’t do it.” His commands only fuel both their laughter, and he’s just forced to pull his hand away and catch her mouth with his.
Shannon hums into the kiss, leaning up on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck. Kaidan’s hands slip under her—his—shirt to rest on her hips, her skin warm against his. She tugs on his hair when he deepens the kiss. They’re both breathless when they finally break apart, Kaidan resting his forehead against Shannon’s, keeping her close.
An easy smile grows on Shannon’s face as she looks up at him through her lashes. “That was sweet, Kaidan. Really beautiful.”
“Yeah? You think?”
“You sang her one of our songs, Kaidan. Yes. I ‘think’.”
Kaidan gives her a crooked smile of his own before leaning in to kiss her again. Her hair tickles his forehead, and he fights the temptation to tangle his fingers in it. It’s too close to bedtime to give her more work to do.
“I love you,” he whispers when he pulls away again, thumbs brushing over her hipbones, light brown eyes meeting her darker ones. “I love you both so much.”
“I know,” she singsongs in return. She tips her chin up to bump her nose with his. “And we love you, too. More than anything.”
Kaidan holds her, breathes her in. It’s the moments like this he treasures most. The quiet moments where he and Shannon, he and Addy, or the three of them could just be. To just be in each other’s presence. With all the time spent apart—before the war, during the war, after the war, everything in between—every moment together is a blessing. It’s perfect. Like his own Neverland.
“Now…” He blinks at his wife, at her tone, at the smug look on her face. She pushes him away with a few fingers and he lets her. “Time for you to come help me get my hair as ready for bed as I am, Admiral.”
“Oh, yeah?” She winks at him before sauntering away down the hall, hips swaying. He watches with his lip caught between his teeth. “No time for any fun, Admiral?”
“I’m sure I could be convinced, Alenko.” The promise is punctuated with his shirt hitting him in the chest from the other end of the hall, from the dark of their bedroom. The light flicks on and illuminates her gorgeous, near naked silhouette. “But you’d better get to work before your song puts me to sleep…”
Yeah, Kaidan thinks as he scoops up his shirt and jogs down to their bedroom, shuts the door behind him and gathers a giggling Shannon in his arms to kiss her. Definitely found my Neverland.