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A few months ago, Kaishi caught wind from Anya about an artist named Mitski. He hadn’t really listened to her music too much, but he saw the concert she was hosting nearby and knew he just had to go. He worked his butt off to be able to afford it (despite Anya’s protests and insistence to just buy them for him), working an extra person in therapy, and doing some little gigs on his days off.
“I don’t want to rely on you for anything I want.” That’s all Anya heard this boy say whenever she offered to pay for anything. It drove her crazy. As much as she acknowledged his kind behavior, she wanted to shake him for being such a hypocrite. He could give until he had nothing left, but the second someone wanted to give him something, he refused like someone was trying to kill him. She even vented it to Ira during their little girl talk.
“Kaishi is the sweetest and greatest boy out there, but oh my god, can he just take the hint that I want to spend not even a fraction of my income on him?” Anya had complained, leaning back against the couch in exasperation. Ira watched her with her green eyes, tracking her motion. She shrugged.
“I guess it’s a righteous thing. Maybe he feels like you’ve done enough for him already.” Ira’s thick Russian accent broke through the air. She put her hand on top of Anya’s, the touch like a lock and key. Anya sighed, shoulders relaxing.
“Probably. Still, I want it through his head that I want to do something for him.” Her tension transferred to the grip on Ira’s hand. And that was their talk.
“Saimota!” Kaishi’s happy voice sang through the apartment. Saimota looked up from their book and walked over.
“What’s up?” They put their bookmark in place and set it on the counter. Kaishi was sitting in front of the computer, his expression visible in the reflection. If Saimota tried hard enough, they could almost see him as a puppy, tail wagging and eyes big with excitement. It was endearing.
“Well, I wanted to do something for a little bit, and I have enough money to do it!” He signaled for Saimota to come over. They looked past Kaishi’s face and noticed Ticketmaster pulled up in a tab. They quickly read over the description of the tickets, leaning over Kaishi’s shoulder. “It’s for a singer named Mitski. I have enough for the two tickets. Is it okay if I purchase them for us?” He looked back at Saimota. They knew Kaishi’s stomach must be in his throat. It never got easier for him to ask questions.
“Yeah, go ahead. What day?” Saimota rested their head on his shoulder. The brunette sighed in relief.
“Uh, February 12th.”
“Sounds good. I can book a hotel if we need one.” Saimota pulled their phone out and looked for hotels near the venue. They never heard of Mitski, but they didn’t mind. The joy on Kaishi’s face was more than enough reason to go. Besides, he had some good music taste. They trusted him.
The time flew by. It was only about a week of waiting, but it was like it was just a day. Before either of them knew it, they were booked into their hotel and waiting in line for the venue. It was a colder night. Not harsh, but just cool enough to need jackets. It was also cold enough to steal said jackets. Kaishi lived by that, wrapped in the oversized jacket he received from the older. There was a comfortable air between them as they stood in line at the venue, hands interlocked. Kaishi looked at their face. For once, they ditched the eyepatch they typically wore. It was a nice change of pace, the scar visible. It only made Saimota more beautiful in his eyes. Of course, they brought an eye patch, just in case.
“Well, Saimota, do you mind if I take a picture? Mitski is notorious for leaving people in shambles, from what I’ve heard.” Kaishi pulls out his phone, opening the camera with a smile on his face. Saimota glanced down. Their cheekbones raise slightly, indicating their smile.
“Go ahead.” Saimota snaked their arms around Kaishi’s waist, leaning forward to rest their chin on his shoulder. Kaishi quickly snapped a picture or two. He checked the photo quality, silently admiring the scarred face, free of responsibility or shame. He turned his phone off, putting it back in his pocket. He gave a gentle kiss to Saimota’s cheek.
“Thank you!” He went to move away, but Saimota’s grip only tightened. They adjusted their mask beneath their chin to pepper Kaishi’s face in kisses.
“Of course, dear.” Saimota spoke between kisses. Kaishi giggled and playfully pushed them away, blush shared between them.
Eventually, the line began to move. The two went to their seats. They were told they would want seats in order to not make a fool of themselves. Kaishi leaned against the railing, admiring the open stage. Saimota’s calloused hands moved to his hips, just in case. Even if they were officially retired from the business, the habits stayed. He sat back down soon enough, and the grip left. They shared a look. Kaishi leaned forward and gently pinched the bluenette’s cheek.
“You’re excited, too.” He teased, gently shaking the bit of flesh between his fingers. Saimota rolled their eyes playfully.
“Yeah, yeah. Just hope the tickets were worth it.” In retaliation, they pushed Kaishi’s cheeks in with their index fingers.
The intro band came on after a bit. They were obviously smaller and were only there thanks to Mitski, but the band’s excitement was contagious. They had some lighthearted banter between themselves and the crowd, and Kaishi talked about the band a bit. They seemed very sweet, and had some pretty upbeat songs to contrast what Mitski would play.
Saimota liked them quite a bit, enjoying the nature of it. It was different from the concerts that Anya would hold, but it wasn’t an unwelcome change. They almost felt at home in a venue like this, big and all encompassing. They felt like they could be themselves, alone and welcomed, no looks for their appearance or behavior. It was new being on the outside, though. There wasn’t a responsibility to uphold or a reputation needed. They could simply enjoy the show. That was almost enough for Saimota.
The intro band left the stage, and the lights dimmed. Kaishi went quiet with excitement, and Saimota looked to the stage. The show had started.
They weren’t even fifteen minutes in and Kaishi was in tears. She sang Francis Forever first. He barely made it through the song. He was told Mitski concerts were brutal, but he didn’t expect it to be this bad. They didn’t even give him a break, either. The next song was Class of 2013. Kaishi wasn’t prepared, and it broke him. Saimota wasn’t prepared for the sudden breakdown, but they couldn’t blame him. She made it hurt, and Kaishi probably had some connection to it.
Although, it wasn’t long before Saimota was hit with a song that felt like the words from their soul. They were doing well, until she started singing I Will. Saimota was mesmerized by the lyrics. They felt it in their chest. Kaishi could too, by the way he whined when it started. Kaishi looked to Saimota, seeing how they were glued to the song. It was just their song. Bravery until alone. It was like a gun to the roof of their mouth. They didn’t cry yet. They just stared ahead at the performance, like they were under a spell with these lyrics.
And then came Once More To See You.
Saimota did not last much longer. They didn’t realize they were in tears until the song ended and Kaishi’s thumb wiped away their tears. Good lord, was it brutal. It was like falling in love with Kaishi. It was a beautiful thing, but something in them repulsed and threw up at the idea of liking a man and being themselves. The need to keep it all undercover and secret so no one would judge. They hated something they couldn’t control, and was somehow able to love anyways. It was rough. Kaishi felt it, too. Thank goodness they got seats. Kaishi would be on the floor, and Saimota would be too out of it to hold Kaishi up. They were in for a rough night.
A rough night was an understatement.
They both left the venue, satisfied with the show but not okay in the slightest. No one was. Not a soul left the venue without at least signs of tears. Saimota wasn’t crazy emotional, but they were a bit torn up. They were still recovering from the emotional blow of I Will and Once More To See You. There were more, but those two back to back was by far the worst for them. They had some more blows from other songs, but nothing like that. Kaishi was significantly worse. He was still crying, the songs personal to him. The poor thing was absolutely destroyed. He was ready for the emotional blow, but it was so raw that it was worse than he really thought.
Saimota heard Kaishi shuffling through his bag. They looked at him, watching him fish his phone out. He looked at Saimota and gave as best of a smile as he could.
“After picture?” His voice broke as he spoke. Saimota nodded a bit, lining their face with the camera. They were almost taken aback at the sight of themselves. Tear marks stained their face, eye exhausted with the strain of tears. They sighed.
The picture was taken, and they could hear Kaishi sniffle once it was. The phone was put away. Saimota took his hand, rubbing their thumb against his. The comfort was welcomed as the two of them walked home in silence.
“Oh, you poor thing!” Anya cradled Kaishi like he was a baby. Ira watched as Kaishi tried to get out of the grip, the two of them playing around like siblings. She never saw them as a mother and a son. It never made sense if they teased each other like this. Although, she knew Kaishi’s relationship with family was… strained, to say the least. She wouldn’t bring it up.
As the two yapped away, Saimota walked over and sat down. Ira looked over to her right. She had to adjust to actually get a good reading on Saimota’s face. She recognized the look almost immediately, seeing it in Anya all the time when she looked at her.
“What did he do this time?” Ira’s eyes drifted to Anya. She was still playing around with the brunette, teasing him and getting him all red in the face.
“It’s odd.” Their eye was locked on Kaishi. Ira waited for them to continue, and yet Saimota kept their mouth shut.
“Saimota, I have younger siblings. I listen to them having playground crushes and ‘drama’ between them. Nothing is odd to me anymore.” She looked back to Saimota, hearing a little chuckle from them. Less of a chuckle, more of a sigh.
“It’s the same thing as before.”
“And that is?”
Saimota’s expression softened. Ira swore that the softest of smiles came across their lips.
“His laugh.”