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"I'm not fragile, Hari."
The words from his dream echoed in his mind, replaying over and over as he stared up at the ceiling.
Of course he didn't think Chisaki was fragile. He knew he was more than capable of handling himself, Kurono had to keep him from getting into fights nearly every week after all, so what was it about those words that made him feel so… afraid?
He stared upwards, as if searching through the roof for some kind of answer, but found himself empty-handed.
"He's not fragile…" Kurono rolled over on his side. "What did that even mean?"
*
“Kurono.” Chisaki's mildly irritated voice startled him from his thoughts.
“Is something wrong?”
"You tell me! You've been spacing out all day, what's with you?” His expression shifted to a sort of fear. “You're not sick, are you?"
Kurono shook his head with an apology, "I'm not sick, I promise. I'm just…" he couldn't keep his gaze. "Thinking…" His pace slowed to fall just a bit behind Chisaki, catching a look of confusion out of the corner of his eye.
"And you're thinking about?"
Kurono only shook his head once more. "Don't worry about it, it's not a big deal." He offered a reassuring smile, and Chisaki dropped the topic for now. Kurono could tell he was still curious, but how was he supposed to explain why he was the one plaguing his thoughts?
*
Noticing two others standing by their seats, Chisaki groaned when they finally got to their classroom. “You’d think they'd be tired of bothering us by now. I can't stand them.”
He made his anger known when he pulled out his chair so harshly that Kurono swore he scratched the tile.
“You were almost late, that's a first.” One of the boys spoke with a scoff, hopping off the desk he was sitting on.
"Shut up, you talk too much.” Kurono rolled his eyes in turn and took his place next to Chisaki without sparing so much as a glance their way.
"I only said six words!"
"Seven." The boy next to him cut in, not even looking up when the other started counting on his fingers to fact check.
"...'A' doesn't count as a word."
"Yes it does?"
"It's a letter!"
"That doesn't matter!"
Kurono eventually tuned their bickering out, opting to shift his gaze over to Chisaki, who was silently reading while seemingly paying no mind to whatever was going on around him. Kurono smiled to himself at that.
While Chisaki didn’t need protection—no matter how many times Kurono would step in somehow to keep him from getting hurt—he did need a wall. Acting as such, Kurono kept the rest of the world from reaching Chisaki, and kept Chisaki out of fights that would just end in casualties. It pleased him to see Chisaki more willing to let his guard down when he was around.
"Kurono, you're zoning out again." Chisaki's original irritation was starting to turn into concern.
"Was I?" He muttered, taking a moment to scan the classroom, his eyes lingering on the clock.
"Yes." Chisaki shut his book, "I- Hey!" and it was promptly snatched from his desk the second he set it down. "You insufferable- Give that back!"
"You wanna talk about Kurono here spacing out, but we won’t mention how you stared at the same page for five minutes without moving your eyes once?" The boy flipped through to find where Chisaki had left off, wondering what could've possibly been so captivating.
"Touya, give it back before one of them kills you."
"That’s not a bad idea." Kurono glared, already on his feet the moment Chisaki was interrupted.
"Fine, fine. I don't like to start fights anyway." Touya sighed dramatically and let the book fall back onto Chisaki's desk.
"You almost got in a fight on your way over here?"
"It doesn't count if we're the ones fighting, Tenko."
"That’s filthy now." Chisaki grimaced at the book, leaning away from it and once again ignoring the other two. Some days it was easier for Chisaki to handle such a thing, but being so sudden and unfamiliar, his skin was crawling.
"Don't worry, I have another copy in my bag for you."
“You what?”
“I keep spares of pretty much all your stuff, so you don't have to lose anything.” Kurono shrugged as he dug around in his bag for the book he promised, not noticing the way Chisaki’s eyes seemed to light up.
“Well, alright then…” He drifted into thought, watching Kurono carefully as he searched his bag.
“Do you two have some kind of weird ritual for reading?” Touya raised an eyebrow at Kurono.
Chisaki was almost ready to kill Touya for all his interruptions. “I don’t like germs.”
“Ohh, that’s why you wear that mask all the time, huh?” Tenko chimed in as he leaned over Chisaki’s desk, making him reel back with disgust. “Whoops.” Tenko stepped away, attempting to dust his desk off but that only made Chisaki grow more uncomfortable.
“Kurono…”
“I know, here.” He handed the book to Chisaki, reminding him which page he left off on before wiping down his desk for him, beginning to feel irritated by the stares they were receiving from the other two.
“...Why aren’t you grossed out by him touching your stuff?”
“Unlike you two, I trust Kurono.” His reply was all venom, but Kurono couldn’t help the feeling of pride that swelled inside him at the words. Chisaki obviously could’ve cleaned and dealt with everything himself, but knowing he trusted Kurono enough to let him do so instead was something he’d never get tired of.
Touya continued to eye the two with confusion while Tenko examined his own desk until the bell chimed, signaling the end of their conversation.
*
"It’s a wonder how those two ended up in so many of our advanced classes." Chisaki spat, adjusting the strap of his bag as they walked back to their dorm.
"Maybe there's more than meets the eye." Kurono shrugged. "That black haired one seemed a little intelligent at least."
"And what about the other one?"
"Insufferable."
Kurono could've sworn he saw a smile begin to appear in Chisaki's eyes, but maybe it was just his imagination. “Well frankly, I think they're both unbearable."
"So unbearable you don't even remember either of their names, huh?" He laughed when Chisaki nodded.
"Exactly." Chisaki paused in thought. "Though I do wonder how they stand to argue so much."
Kurono nodded. "It doesn’t make sense.”
“Make sense?”
“Well, you’ve seen them, haven’t you?” He made a face. “They’re practically attached at the hip, it’s insane!”
“I think you just say that because you’re used to keeping your distance,” Chisaki muttered with a glance at the space between the two of them to prove a point to no one but himself.
Chisaki had developed a growing distaste for how distant Kurono was. Always so far away, practically refusing to touch him directly despite anything Chisaki did, it was frustrating. And it was the one thing Kurono couldn't seem to notice about him.
“Besides, I shouldn’t care enough to wonder about anyone’s personal life, much less anyone as annoying as those two.” He rolled his eyes and Kurono pointed an accusing finger at him.
“You said shouldn’t! That means you are wondering about their personal lives!”
Chisaki gave him a horribly confused stare. “Are you sure you’re not sick, Kurono?”
“You didn’t deny.” Kurono's tone was almost musical, walking ahead of Chisaki as if that was the end of the conversation.
They both knew it wasn't.
*
"Get away from our desks," Kurono spoke before Touya or Tenko could even open their mouths to defend themselves.
"Hey! We sit right in front of you!"
Chisaki perked up at that, sending a glare their way. "Liar."
Tenko glared right back. "We're not lying."
Touya took up the conversation after. "We swapped seats just yesterday." He gave a cocky smirk, one that made Kurono's blood boil.
"Chisaki…"
"I know, I know." He groaned.
Tenko looked them up and down then turned to whisper to Touya. Kurono didn’t bother trying to listen in on what they were muttering about, instead complaining to Chisaki about their ever-annoying antics before Tenko turned back around and stepped closer.
"What do you want?" Chisaki scowled, more anger in his voice than before.
"Listen, I think we all uh… Got off on the wrong foot." Tenko offered a mildly fake smile. "What if we set all that aside, and start over, you know?"
Kurono and Chisaki exchanged questioning glances, now it was their turn to whisper to each other.
"I think I'm winning the bet." Kurono shrugged.
"You were just complaining about them and that's where your mind is again?" Chisaki rolled his eyes. "We can't be friends with these two."
"No one said anything about friends."
"That's probably what he's implying!" Chisaki hissed.
Kurono only shook his head. "If he is, I'll take the worst of it. I'm sure he's not implying anything." He turned back around. "Sure, let's start over."
"Great! So, now that we're friends…" Kurono winced with a curse under his breath when he heard Chisaki snap his pencil. "What's your deal?"
"Touya!" Tenko smacked his arm.
"What did I do!?"
"Our deal?" Kurono gave an odd look. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You know, are you guys together, or…?" That earned him another smack on the arm.
Kurono's eyes went wide and he quickly looked to Chisaki to see what his reaction was, but his expression proved he was as collected as ever.
Tenko, however, was frantic. "Don't answer that-"
"Well, what's your deal?" Chisaki suddenly spoke, causing any previous worry to fall from Tenko in an instant.
"...What?"
"You two. Are you together?" A heated staring contest followed, all while Touya was practically giggling at the unnecessarily tense interaction.
Kurono was curious to see if he really would win their little bet, but in the end, neither duo had their answer.
*
Kurono had spent the walk home zoning out again, while Chisaki was starting to worry more and more, and he'd finally had enough.
"Hari." He was determined to get to the bottom of it all.
Kurono's attention snapped to Chisaki as they entered their dorm, the name wasn't uncommon, but Kurono worried over his tone more than anything.
"Yes…?"
Taking the time to sort out his words, Chisaki didn't reply until his shoes were off and by the door. "You have something on your mind." Kurono nodded, confused. "What is it?"
"I can't…" Kurono bit the inside of his cheek. "I can't really say." Now standing in the kitchen, further away from Chisaki.
"You don't normally keep secrets."
"Well, it's not a secret."
"So why can't you tell me?"
"Because it's just- It's not important." Kurono busied himself by inspecting the counter like there was something to clean.
"Then why do you keep-" Chisaki waved his hands around in emphasis. "Zoning out so much?"
Kurono was growing irritated with the pressure but he couldn't blame him, he'd be curious too, especially if it was interfering with his time with Chisaki. "Why can't you just drop it already?"
Chisaki glared. "Why won't you give me an answer?"
"Why do I need to?!" Kurono refused to face him.
"Hari! Don't just ignore me!"
"I'm not ignoring you, I've answered all of your questions!"
"Not acceptably!"
"What do you want to hear from me?" Exasperation was evident in Kurono's features and tone, causing Chisaki to hesitate. It was embarrassingly childish to argue like this.
"I just want to know what's eating at you… I don't like seeing you so clearly upset."
Kurono thought for a moment until he felt tears prick the corners of his eyes, cursing himself for it. "I don't want you to hate me…"
Chisaki almost jumped in surprise, wondering what could’ve put such a ridiculous idea in his mind. "Hate you?- Hari, I couldn't hate you for anything?" But Kurono just shook his head.
"You might."
"Well." Chisaki narrowed his eyes in thought, shifting in place. "You won't know unless you tell me what you've been thinking about." He looked back up with an assurance.
Kurono rolled his eyes and took a breath. “You.”
"What?"
"It's all you… Even in my dreams there's no peace…” Kurono scoffed, finding a sort of humor in the whole situation.
“Your dreams-? Hari, what are you even saying right now?” Chisaki’s voice wavered ever so slightly despite the frustration building, to anyone else it would've gone unnoticed.
“What other reasons would I dream of you for? I don't think you're that oblivious.”
There was a silence, one that made Kurono wonder if he'd need to find a new dorm by the end of the night. Surely rejection was imminent, and he didn't want to stick around for the disgust that would surely follow.
But his attempt to leave was stopped by a shaky hand around his wrist.
"Hari…"
Kurono did not turn around. "I told you, you'd hate me."
"I don't hate you!" Chisaki almost sounded angry. "Why would you think I'd hate you for that?!"
Kurono barely winced, Chisaki had put so much trust into Kurono, is it not simply foul for him to take and use it for his own selfish desire? Chisaki wasn't the type to get attached in such a way, it would be a fool's wish to think he could. "I shouldn’t think about you like that."
"Why not?" Chisaki's voice broke and Kurono briefly faltered in his composure, it was like there was a siren blaring in the back of his head. Chisaki's hold on his wrist loosened and Kurono almost pulled away again, but Chisaki pulled him right back. "I'm not letting you walk away from me..."
Kurono didn't respond.
"Hari, look at me!"
When he finally turned around and saw Chisaki, he could feel his heart breaking in two.
Crying? Chisaki didn’t cry, yet his tear streaked face was scrunched in discomfort, as if his own body deemed it unnatural.
Kurono didn't understand, but on instinct he began to search for something to help clean him up, disregarding his own feelings immediately.
"You need- You need a rag or something-" Kurono went to step closer but flinched back in fear that he'd only make things worse. "Oh, please don't cry, Kai." He whispered, his expression littered with worry.
Despite his request, Chisaki’s next words were spoken through a teary eyed glare. "I'm not fragile, Hari." His voice was quiet, almost shaky, but he still sounded indignant.
And Kurono froze.
Chisaki wasn't fragile, Kurono never thought of him as such, but come to think of it… Did he ever treat him otherwise? It was as if simply looking at Chisaki wrong would knock him off the pedestal Kurono placed him on, and shatter him to pieces.
"Fragile…" He echoed, lost in thought.
"Don't space out on me again!" Chisaki shoved Kurono's shoulders, jolting him from his mind.
"I'm sorry! I…"
"You were thinking? " Chisaki's lip twitched as he crossed his arms. Kurono wanted to defend himself, but he couldn't take his mind off of the fact that he'd made Chisaki cry. Treating him like a glass ornament was only his downfall.
"Follow me." Kurono didn't wait for an answer before he went off to the bathroom, wetting a cloth and gesturing for Chisaki to sit on the edge of the tub. "Can I…?"
Chisaki nodded, seeming to have calmed down some already. "Go ahead." He still looked angry, but Kurono was careful to wipe away his tears.
The scene reminded him of all the times Chisaki had dragged him here to tend to any wounds Kurono had managed to obtain through defending him. Quiet scolding words followed by the softest of touches against his skin, Kurono found it hard to ever feel the sting against bloodied bruises when it was at Chisaki’s hand.
"I'm sorry, Kai." He whispered, unable to meet his eyes.
Chisaki’s expression shifted. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
"I was scared…” Kurono thought for a moment. “I still am."
"Why?"
"You never…said anything. You just started to cry, and I feel awful for doing that to you." Kurono set the cloth aside, leaning away, beginning to feel uneasy with himself. "I don’t want to hurt you."
"You're so-" Chisaki sighed in exasperation. "So stupid!"
Kurono startled, giving Chisaki an odd look.
"I've loved you for years! " Chisaki pulled at his hair in frustration, more tears beginning to fall, too many unfamiliar emotions overflowing.
Kurono was frantic to pull his hands away from his hair, grabbing the cloth again and not even registering what he'd said until he had paused while starting to wipe away the new tears.
"You-... What?"
"I didn't think you were that oblivious." Chisaki gently caught Kurono’s wrist, making him drop the cloth into his lap. His voice sounded strained, and Kurono couldn't help the choked sound that escaped past his lips.
Stopping his own tears was an easier feat, but that didn't mean Kurono's eyes were entirely dry. “I never expected you to say something like that…”
Chisaki let go of his wrist, taking the discarded cloth and leaning in to clean Kurono's face in turn. "And I'm sorry I ever made you think so…" He spoke so quietly, Kurono wouldn't have heard him if there was any other sound in the room.
"It's not your fault."
Chisaki said nothing in response until their tears were long forgotten and he was holding Kurono’s hands with a newfound gentleness. Something neither of them could wrap their head around.
"Will you at least tell me why you were thinking of… me so often?" He muttered.
“It was just a weird dream I had…”
"A dream?"
Kurono nodded. "I don't remember much of it, but what you said earlier about not being fragile, that was in it." He sighed, feeling his face grow warm, remembering what followed after he’d fallen back asleep.
Chisaki, suddenly vigilant, took note of that. “That’s all?”
"I…" Kurono let his eyes fall to his lips for not even a second. "Not exactly."
"Hari, you can't still be so vague with me after all of this."
Kurono winced, biting the inside of his lip. Why couldn't he just stop talking? "I really shouldn't have brought it up, it was out of line." He was becoming more nervous by the second while Chisaki was beginning to put the pieces together.
“Well, you did.” He gave a willful expression and Kurono groaned, knowing he wouldn’t let it go.
“I kissed you. Alright?”
If Chisaki was surprised by his words, his face didn’t show it, but he was silent for far too long.
“I’m sorry, I said it was out of line-”
“Does that mean you want to kiss me?” Chisaki finally spoke, causing Kurono to almost fall to the ground.
"What?"
"Well, you know I trust you. I know you trust me."
"More than anyone."
Chisaki’s expression settled into something uncharacteristically soft. “Then I don’t think it’s too out of line…”
Kurono then smiled, bringing Chisaki's hand to his lips for just a moment. “How about this, for now?”
If Kurono didn't know any better, he would've sworn he heard a laugh. “I truly do love you.”