Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Nagi’s death was revealed, time started to move weirdly.

It was hard to take in what Taiga was saying - trapped in between an intense worry for An and a dull panic over the idea of his group and all their work until now amounting to… nothing. “You aren't enough. Not by a long shot.” The words themselves aren’t new. Advertising yourself as the next big thing invites scrutiny and scorn. But the source of the words? It’s so inconsistent, so nonsensical. Why pretend to build someone up only to tear them down?

Ever, Tono, Mita, all deemed ‘not enough’ by Taiga or the crowd. It’s clinical and distanced, even when talking about Nagi. “I could kick and scream all I wanted, but she was never coming back. I've felt that loss...” 

Toya takes a glance at the growing crowd around them. He’s come to recognize many of these faces overtime. The rest of his members don’t even bother looking around. They all seem stuck, disbelieving. Taiga had been an idol to Akito and An, an important mentor for Kohane, and now he was publicly attacking them, unprovoked.

To Akito, his main inspiration. The reason he was here in the first place.

To Kohane, a mentor that made her feel like she was allowed to be here.

To An, a family member, a consistent face in her childhood memories

To Toya… Nothing

The better part of the last few years had him focused on fighting off the feeling of being an imposter. It’s hard to take in everything (or anything really) when the vast majority of his life prior had been spent in front of monotonous black and white keys. There were days where it all blurred - when the excitement of Vivid Street and the weirdness of the Sekai felt as close to a fantasy as any book off his shelf. But now, he uses that feeling of other to his advantage. A lifetime learning how to feign impassivity in front of a crowd waiting for you to mess up. A building up of apathy to nervousness. A conscious choice to dull senses, quiet your mind, and step forward.

“I...want to know. I want to see how far we are from surpassing RAD WEEKEND...” The fear, shock, and grief mean nothing to him in the moment. They couldn’t mean anything, not when Toya was so certain that they had to face Taiga now or risk having to figure it out on their own. To watch time go by, stuck chasing a dream that fades as time passes. His choice was obvious.

Akito, as always, is never far from his side. Kohane follows next. The absence of their fourth member is what made him turn to look at her. That was the true moment everything had tilted off of balance for him. It’s just a glimpse, but it sticks with him. Any visible display of betrayal, anger, devastation, anything would have been preferred to emptiness in her eyes. Her usual ‘larger than life’ presence had collapsed into a black hole. It takes some time, but that image starts effecting his performance. His thoughts are suddenly frenzied, every emotion ignored coming back into full force at once.

Akito and Kohane are no different, each flagging for their own reasons. It’s bad and getting worse when An appears beside him. She looks frantic, reasonably so, but her singing betrays none of it until the very end. Just as she had come to lift them up, they come crashing down together.

“Is that really you can do, An? Is this all Nagi gave you?” It’s cruel, this is cruel, why is Taiga doing this to her… and why are they here watching? Why are they participating?

He’s dizzy with effort and the unknown weight of how they will move on from here, when An collapses. The scathing remarks of the crowd are worse than Toya expected. The same faces he had seen smiles on in the past were now twisted into smirks. Others left quietly, eyes averted. Everything afterwards is a mess of spotty memory (How did they reach Ken’s cafe? Why can’t he remember?) to too clear memories that he would prefer to forget. An’s breakdown, the betrayal from her own blood to the people she considered family. It’s not entirely surprising that all four of them are there for it all, including Ken’s explanations, but a part of him aches for An. She’s forced to be seen like this by her closest friends. She withdraws, quiet and holding onto herself away from them all.

She doesn’t say anything, not for a long time and eventually drifts upwards to her home above the cafe. No words are needed really, not even for Ken to politely ask them to leave.

It's as he's stepping through the door out, Kohane to his front and Akito lagging behind, that he takes stock of himself. He’s still dizzy, shaky, nauseous. His legs wobble for a moment, but he walks on. There’s a static playing in his head and chest.

Kohane hasn't said anything, but she’s constantly turning back, looking upwards as if she'll catch a glimpse of An through the window. Even when the building can't be seen anymore, the look in her eyes spells that she wants to go back. The further they get, the more she drags her feet. Toya starts towards her once or twice with an open hand or mouth, but always cuts the movement off before he reaches her, unsure of what he could offer.

Akito on the other hand is having the opposite reaction. He barely dragged himself out of the building when they left, uncharacteristically lagging behind them. But the further they get away from it all, the faster he seems to want to move. He bumps into Toya more than once, but not out of frustration at their lagging pace. More just lost in his own thoughts, un-noticing of reality.

When they get to their usual stop, where Kohane or the Vivids usually turn away from Akito and Toya’s route, all three of them linger. It's late enough that the street isn't as busy, so they don't have to worry about being in anyone's ways.

Kohane, with her eyes down, does a simple wave and turns to leave. It feels wrong to watch her walk away. Akito apparently feels the same as he blurts out “Oi, Kohane!”, but it’s Toya’s hand on her wrist that makes her turn back. Impulsivity is not word anyone would use to describe Toya, but he's finding more and more that these three bring it out of him.

He let's go of her, takes a meek step back, and opens his arms up. He feels awkward as soon as soon as he does it. The only thing that saves him from more embarrassment tonight is Kohane barreling herself into him, so much so that he wobbles with the unexpected force. All he has to do is cling back because it’s Akito’s weight behind him that stops them from falling. The night air is cool but the warmth of the two of them stops a shiver he had felt coming earlier on. As nice as it feels, there's something missing, even when Akito leans further into the two of them.

As much as they tease Akito for the good guy mask he puts on, his face is beyond expressive. Today is no exception and when he looks at Kohane hiding her face in Toya’s neck, his face takes on a pained expression. All three of them are reeling from everything, so the grimace is half out of sympathy and half a reflection of his own anxious thoughts. He puts his hand over her head and with his voice gently lowered in a way Toya has only heard very few times says “We'll figure it out. Just rest for now, and we'll figure it out together later.”

She doesn't cry, but she does let out a breath at the words. When she pulls back, her eyes are misty. She just looks at them both and nods, once for them and one more time for herself. She’s still silent, but they can both see that has put some determination in her. They watch her walk off for a bit, clearly lost in thoughts, but in a new way now.

It’s when she's out of sight that Akito let's out a breath of her own, and pulls Toya into him with an arm over his shoulder. It's not uncommon by any means, but it distinctly feels like they’re trying to hold each other up as they make their ways towards the end of the wretched night.

Akito eventually breaks their silence with “How are you holding up?”

“I'm… worried. I'm worried about An, but I'm also worried about you two.” Kohane still looked shaken when they parted and Akito was no better. He scoffs anyway as if they weren’t pressed up against each other to keep the other from stumbling. Post performance exhaustion is already a lot, but the emotional weight of the nights events has them tripping on curbs.

“Don’t worry about me. But… An” He laughs without emotion, more akin to a breath of air forced out. “Back when we were kids, before we really knew each other, Nagi was all she would talk about.” He laughs for real now. “We weren’t even friends yet but I still remember hearing her yell about it a couple times.”

His smile drops. “I can’t even imagine…”

They reach Akito’s house first, as per usual. “Do you want to stay over?”

It was tempting beyond belief, but he knew Akito would spend the night motherhenning Toya, doing whatever he could to help him out and ease his worries so he wouldn't have to face his own. Forcing himself to tear his eyes away from the warm glow coming from the small window on the door, he coughs out an unconvincing “Not tonight. I have some stuff to do at home.” and backs away. Akito’s face expression even further but he doesn’t question it.

“See you tomorrow then.”

”See you.”

It's very quiet. It's been pretty quiet for a while. He's in class, but he doesn’t particularly remember getting here. It's not often that happens, but it happens enough that he's not entire surprised by what would otherwise probably be a concerning lack of memories.

Looking up from the pencil in hand, he realizes the teacher has given all of them instructions to do something. He remembers getting those instructions in the same way he remembers his day. In bits, and pieces, and takes time and energy to put it together. He can recite what he thinks may have happened based purely off of routine, maybe can even see some images in his mind of what he did today, but they feel like made up memories. Images in his mind based on what he thinks would have happened.

What he does know for sure is that he's been thinking about An all day. He had been thinking about how quiet she had been when they last saw her and the word quiet bouncing in his mind made him realize how quiet it got around him. Something similar happens again in his next class, and he make an effort to stay aware of everything, he really does, but as he's stepping out of the building and Akito asks him how his classes were, he doesn't know how to answer.

“Listen, obviously there's not going to be any practice today, but I already talked to Kohane and the three of us are going to meet to kinda.” He talks with his hands waving in the air on the ‘kinda’, but his movements are jittery and the skin under his eyes is purple. “She'll be there as soon as she can.” Toya nods at him and then tilts his head, motioning towards their usual path to Ken's cafe. Halfway through the walk, they take a sidestreet onto another familiar path of theirs. Now away from the public, they’re both already pulling up the songs on their phone. They press play before they even find a good spot away from any prying eyes,

Transportation to the Sekai is disorienting the first few times, but it's easy to get used to. It's like closing your eyes and imagining a whole new world, only to have that new world be there when they open back up. The moment his finger hits the play button, he knows that something is wrong. In a way that's never happened before, his stomach swoops as if he had been dropped from the top of a building. His panic is cut short by the feeling of his hands and knees painfully hitting pavement. Both his hands sting with small cuts, but it's not the biggest of his worries. He falls to his side quickly to cover his mouth and get a grip on the newfound dizziness and nausea.

Opening his eyes, he sees Akito was fairing better than him, but not by much. He was on his knees attempting to get up, but was swaying dangerously. Miraculously he made the few short steps necessary to get to Toya. Opening his mouth to say something, he's cut short when his eyes catch something above Toya. Still too nauseous to get up or speak, Toya rolls over with a small yelp. The pain in his elbow is growing, rivaling the pain of the cuts on his hands.

Opening his eyes again, there's a wall in front of him. He recognizes it as one near Crase Cafe, but something is different. The further his eyes roam upwards, the more obvious the issue becomes. Instead of colorful posters and graffiti style art, it's littered in tape residue. Torn paper is barely clinging on with jagged, manic looking spray painted lines across everything. Looking past the wall showed him that everything was slightly desaturated. All the life had been drained out of the world.

“What the fuck?” Akito swears and then takes a look at Toya’s hand still over his mouth. Cringing he asks “Are you going to…?”

He shakes his head no, slowly, willing away some of the dizziness the slight movement brings. After waiting for a moment to ensure Toya is okay, and wincing at his own state, Akito starts to limp quickly over to the cafe. He tries to pull the door and in response gets the sound of metal scraping onto metal loud enough to make them both flinch. It's dark enough that they can’t really see the inside nor what's blocking it.

While Akito tries a few more times, leaning on the doors to catch his breath more than once, he pulls up his phone and texts Kohane. “Do not come to the Sekai.” When he gives up, Toya shows him the phone. He puffs out almost a laugh.

”You couldn’t be more ominous if you tried.” Bringing it back to himself, he sees Kohane had responded with the succinct text of “???”

”Ah, that was not my intention. Although,” he says, pointedly looking around at their desolate world “at the very least, its fitting for the situation.”

”Good call on texting her. But what do we do now?” He sways a little as he stands, thinking out loud. “We’re could meet at my place.” he says with another cringe. “Ena should be the only one at home but she should be asleep or just in her room.” He kicks at a balled up piece of paper on the ground while grabbing his own phone. It shoots across the ground and after a moment, returns as if it had never moved. A glitch in real life, Toya thinks. If the Sekai can even be considered real life.

Akito was too wrapped up in shooting an update text to Kohane to have seen it. He grumbles to himself a bit more before finally addressing Toya again. “If the journey here was that bad, I don’t even want to deal with it again for the way back.” He shivered. “But I definitely don't want to stay here either.”

It felt like they were both trying not to say it, but the air felt dead. It made it hard to breathe, adding to their anxiety and already bad states. Hell, Toya still wasn't good enough to fully stand, having been sitting on the ground the entire time. Always one for morbid curiosity, and subtly trying to delay having to go through the jump back to the real world, he asks his partner, “What did it feel like?”

”Shitty. I felt dizzy and everything got super bright for a bit.” He went quiet for a moment before adding on, “I could have swore I heard some voices.” At this, Toya’s head involuntarily shot up towards Akito. Ah, ow, still dizzy.

“Voices? What were they saying?”

”It wasn’t like they were really saying anything. More like… jeers. I’m assuming you had something similar?”

”No, surprisingly.”

”Oh?”

”For me, it felt like I was pushed off of a building. It was short, but enough. Nothing like you were describing, other than the dizziness and the way we both fell afterwards.”

“Ugh.” He kicked at the piece of paper again, not noticing it was the same one. It unfurled a bit, revealing itself to be one of the many band posters Toya had seen plastered around. “Well, we’ve gotta face it eventually.” At the look of hesitation on Toya's face, Akito stole his phone. “Sorry man, I know you don't want to, but we have to leave. I don't trust this.” He pressed the pause buttons and they were back in their original world. Akito was less lucky this time and ‘landed’ face down. Toya was no better, landing again on the side with the already injured elbow.

“This shit is so…” He probably had a list of colorful words to complete the sentence, but was rudely interrupted by his nose starting to bleed.

”Unpleasant.” Toya finished for him. The response was the closest thing he heard to a laugh from Akito since last night. It probably would have been a proper laugh if it wasn't for him trying not to get blood in his mouth.

They had just arrived to Akito’s house when Kohane had turned the corner. As she got closer, her put together state contrasted so violently with how obviously banged up they had been by the trips to and from the Sekai that she ran the rest of the way to meet them.

”What-? Huh?” She couldn’t finish a sentence, eyes jumping from the way Toya was holding onto his arm to the dried blood on Akito’s face, hands, and shirt, and back to the various scrapes on Toya.

“Did you guys try to fight Taiga?” she finally got out.

Akito muttered something, but it was hard to hear him when he wasn’t opening his mouth fully. Sounded like something along the lines of “We should at this point.” He led them inside his home and tried to rush the two upstairs, but unluckily all three of them were caught by Ena exiting her room as soon as they got onto the second floor.

”Hey Akito, I need to a- Oh, holy shit. Are you good?” and then noticing Toya and Kohane behind him “Hi Toya, hi there…. “

”Ah, I’m Kohane Azusawa. Nice to meet you.”

Throwing his hands up in exasperation and mumbling about medical attention, he points Kohane and Toya towards his room while heading in the opposite direction to a bathroom.

”Nice to meet you Azusawa.” Ena says, eyes trailing Akito as he continues grumbling. “Both of you feel free to let me know if either of you need anything… be it snacks or… medical attention I guess.”

Body moving on autopilot, he politely nods to her and makes his way to Akito’s room, taking his usual seat. By the time he’s on the floor, legs folded under the small table in the room, he notices Kohane shuffling from foot to foot in the doorway nervously.

“Ah, this is your first time here, isn’t it? I forgot.”

”Yeah,” she nervously lets out. “It’s a bit nerve-wracking. I don’t want to accidentally do something to annoy him, especially after yesterday and especially after… whatever happened to you two”

”Ah, I see. I'm sure won't be an issue. There's not much you can do to actually bother him, even if he's agitated at the moment.” He doesn't tell her, but he has the feeling that if the situation were any different, Akito would be happy to bring all three of them over. Over time, Toya noticed that his room was one of the few places where he would properly relax. The only other place in mind is the Sekai, specifically when it was just the four of them. It was slowly bringing out the quieter, slower, calmer side of Akito. At the thought of the Sekai and the news they have to bring to Kohane, his stomach twists uncomfortably.

Thankfully she doesn't notice his expression change on that thought, and laughs a little as she sits next to him. “I haven't seen him with a glare like that since I first met him.” Privately he’s happy she met him so late. Akito had built up a reputation for having a short temper in the early days of them being a duo. Thankfully those rumors are near non-existent at this point, since anything like that would surely have made Kohane’s anxiety about the situation much worse. This close up he can see that she too has dark under eyes. He'd put aside the idea of how this would be weighing on her until now. She also had to deal with her own mentor turning on her. As someone perpetually experiencing a version of that emotion with his father, he knew it was a heavy weight.

Akito comes back in before he can respond, face stuck on that infamous glare, but it visibly softens when he sees the two of them. It makes something loosen in his chest a bit, and maybe it did for Kohane too as she loses some of her nervous energy.

“Alright Kohane, show us what you were telling me about.” He says, laying down on the floor on the other side of the table, face down. Either the floor is cooling his bruised nose like a poor ice pack or he’s particularly interested in recreating what he looked like after the Sekai travel from earlier. Maybe a visual demonstration would be better for explaining it to Kohane? Either way, Toya is barely suppressing the urge to lightly kick him from under the table. Apparently Kohane reads his thoughts, because she immediately pushes her foot into his side.

“… Ow?”

Even though he clearly wasn't hurt or upset, she looks mortified. “Sorry, instinct! I mean, a-accident!”

“Uh-huh… sure…”

“Hahaha…” she nervously giggles as she pulls some flashcards out of her pockets. Many, many, flashcards. “I've been making these since I got home last night. Some of them are small ideas on what we can do to cheer her up over time, others are more immediate ways we can support her. Some… some are just general ideas for what we can do for VBS’s future.” She gathers a couple of the cards and puts them off to the side. “It doesn't feel right to be thinking about stuff like that at a time like this, but it can't be helped.”

At this, Akito rises and mirrors their cross-legged positions. “You're right. It's good to keep writing those down as they come up.” He stares down at the table for a moment, choosing his words carefully. “We're gonna do what we can for An, that's our main priority. How we continue afterwards is something we'll figure out along the way, with all four of us.” Hearing no arguments, he starts to flicker between some of the cards she had placed out earlier. Toya tried to do the same, but stopped reaching out the moment his eyes caught on the cuts still layering his hands. Kohane caught the sight and winced in sympathy.

”Do you guys want to talk about what happened?”

”We should probably explain that to you, Azusawa. Let me clean myself up first.”

On his way to the bathroom, he nearly tripped on a box of bandaids and some towels left in front of the door. He should thank Ena on behalf of both of them before he leaves. By the time he came back to the room, Akito was holding one of the cards up and staring at Kohane in shock. “It’s really not that bad of an idea, we don’t have to fully discard it yet!”

”Kohane, are you crazy?”

At Toya’s questioning look, he flips the card around to reveal the words “Fight Taiga”. He watches Kohane very passionately try to make her case to them and mentally re-evaluates the relationship between violence and the tiny blond.

Without further deliberation, Akito puts down the card and proclaims it the rejected piles, somewhat at a distance to two vague piles that he clarifies are the ‘do now’ and ‘do later’ piles. It’s while Akito is explaining this that Toya watches her slowly slip the card off the table.

”We didn’t want to go through much without your opinions so we just sorted some obvious ones. Like first and foremost, we’ll see if we can visit her soon.”

”Ah, before we get into it, will either of you explain what happened?”

”What happened?” Akito asks her back. With an unimpressed look (eerily similar to the one An usually gives him when he says something particularly stupid), she points to Toya’s now bandaged hands.

“Oh, my apologies Azusawa.” Toya wasn’t necessarily excited to break the news that their safe haven was essentially destroyed. Akito’s expression spelled something similar. Nor did he particularly want to let the implications of what it means for a place based off of their emotions to be so… destroyed… linger in the air. “It’s part of the reason we asked to meet you here instead.” Not wanting to continue, he turns to Akito and let’s him take over the explanation.

With each new detail, she shrinks into herself more and more. ”I guess we should have seen this coming to an extent. I definitely wouldn’t have predicted the way you guys got hurt, but it is based off of us. I wonder how much of this is from how An is feeling.” All of a sudden, she sits up straight. “We need to tell her! I don’t want her to accidentally get hurt.”

She brings out her phone, clearly about to text when Akito speaks up. “Put it in the group chat.” He picks up a card and waves it a bit, thinking. “Ask if we can see her.”

Chapter Text

—————
Vivid Yap Squad

An, Toya, Akito, You

You: Hey An, don’t go into the Sekai for a bit! 16:25

You: Is there any chance we can come by today, all of us? 16:26
——————

The messages get read instantly but no reply comes in. Time ticks on, Akito and Toya start discussing some of the other cards, but Kohane is glued to her phone waiting for any kind of response. The messages being read were the only sign of life she had gotten from An today.

Truthfully, she had tried to reach out to An earlier, but had gotten nothing back. Not even the typical read indicator. Understandable, but unnerving nonetheless. An was the type to respond right away, even when she was supposed to be in class or committee meetings. She had scolded the long haired girl for it before, but regretted it now.

She’s been so upset for An since she left Weekend Garage yesterday, that she could barely sleep. Instead, she spent her night planning, coming up with anything she could to possible make this better. That restless energy continued until breakfast when Kohane finally texted her, only for it to multiply tenfold with the lack of response. It was her Dad who pulled her aside before school to ask about it.

”I haven’t seen you get anxious about anything in a while now. What’s wrong, sweetie?” Before Kohane could even mentally trip over the first sentence, she was telling her Dad everything that went wrong. He was stunned into silence by the details, but could only offer one piece of advice. With an arm around her shoulders, he gave her a squeeze. “This is not going to be easy on any of you, especially An. But if what you’ve told me about your partners in the past is true, I’m not worried.” At her questioning gaze, he continued. “In everything you’ve done up until now, you’ve all had to lean on each other. This is no different.”

Nervously chewing on the inside of her mouth, Kohane goes into their private chat and sends a few more messages.

——————

An

Online

An, you going to be okay today? Anything I can do for you? 6:45

I heard from Akito that you’re not in school today! Let me know if theres anything I can do or bring to you, anything! 8:20

It’s okay if you don’t really feel up to seeing anyone yet. 16:37

And again, don’t go into the Sekai! 16:38

——————

She’s about to set the phone down, resigned, when “An is typing…” appeared.

——————

An

Online

whats up with the sekai? 16:38

——————

And then immediately, a notification sound from all three phones.

——————

Vivid Yap Squad

you guys can come over to use weg 16:38

i don’t think i’m up for practice today so dad will help you out with the eqpt 16:39

——————

Checking their private chat, the An is typing appears and disappears a few times.

——————

An

Online

sorry for missing your messages earlier 16:41

——————

Again, typing and not typing before radio silence.

“What the…?” From Akito, staring down at his phone.

“Did any of us ask about practice?” Toya says scrolling through the chat. “Maybe she saw an old message?” Wishful thinking, as the only messages above were related to a loooooong back and forth from all four of them about some American metal band An had found.

Looking back at the messages made her heart squeeze painfully. Akito had made a joke about getting Kohane to do solo screamo covers, which Toya pretended to take entirely seriously. Everything from his end was recommendations for intense vocal care and recovery. An’s texts were split between “that could be bad for your voice if you don’t have training for it and i dont know anyone who does that kind of singing” vs “oh my god i want to hear that so bad though ajksldjasldas”

Kohane had laughed so hard she nearly fell over in the halls of Miyamasuzaka. It was the first time she felt so at ease with others. She could add to the joke instead of being someone on the sidelines, laughing politely. She could be the center of their attention and not want to hide. She craved this her whole life, she had it just a few days ago… How had things changed for them so quickly?

”She probably...” She really hated to be the one to say it out loud. “There’s a chance she thinks we only messaged her so we could practice.”

Akito stared at her for a moment, an intense frown forming, before clicking something on his phone. Kohane thinks she hears telltale sounds of a phone call being picked up before Akito says “Are you stupid?”

Toya peers over his shoulder in confusion, trying to see the name of whoever he called, when all of a sudden he elbows Akito. It probably hit something damaged from the unfortunate Sekai trip because he winces and drops the phone, revealing to Kohane that it was An on the other side of the call. Toya looked seconds away from strangling Akito, an impressively angry look his face. (Maybe there WAS a reason Akito and An studied so hard whenever his wrath was involved.) He immediately jumped into berating him and Kohane only caught the words “Even i know not to say something like that,” because she had jumped to talk to An.

”Please forgive Shinome, something truly is wrong with him.” Any protest he would have tried to make at those words were shut down by the glare Toya shot his way, as he continued to quietly admonish him. After the silence from the other end of the phone streches on, Kohane makes a risky move. “Shinome’s phrasing may have been harsh, but he did have a point.” At this, the boys whip their heads up to listen to the conversation with a confused “Azusawa?” from Toya. She moves the call to speaker for their sake and prays An doesn’t get too upset with her.

“What?” is the first thing she hears from An all day. She sounds mostly tired, and if she’s not imagining it, a little scared. Her expressive voice has always inspired Kohane, but the pain in it now is giving her the bizarre urge to throw the phone away and curl up in a ball. An is her ever strong, reliable partner. An has quite literally been taking care of her since the moment they met. It was scary to be on the other end so suddenly, wanting so desperately to make it better.

“We’re worried about you An, practice is the last thing on our minds. It’s crazy to even suggest that… I really want to see you if you’d be okay with that.” Her feelings spill over and she remembers with a start that there’s two pairs of eyes on her as she speaks. Her cheeks heat up. “I mean.. we want to see you.” She’s embarrassed that it’s been less than a day and she already misses An dearly, but the idea of An being forced into sudden grief has left a weight on her chest that grows with every moment. A part of her believes she’s not alone with these feelings, not with the way both boys lean in, waiting to hear whatever An says next.

“Oh… Oh, you’re worried.” It’s not a question, but it feels too unsure for any of their liking, all three of them clambering to make it clear.

“An, of course we are!” “Why wouldn’t we be worried?” “Was that ever a question?”

“Yeah… umm… I’m sorry. Yeah. You guys can come over. I… I think I’d like to see you guys too.” Once again, it’s not a question, but she sounds unsure.

“Okay!” Kohane nearly yells out in elation. She was afraid An would just push them away. (Understandable, but still!) “We’ll be there soon and we’ll come up to your place, not just the weekend garage part, right? I’m… assuming you wouldn’t want to be around customers or the public right now.”

At the angry scoff and affirmative hum from An, she goes to continue when Akito motions for Kohane to give him the phone. “Shit An, I didn’t think about what that would sound like earlier. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” is the response, but she sounds even more tired than when the call started.

”Okay, we’ll see you soon. Again, I’m sorry.” And with the call ending, Kohane makes a scramble for the card piles.

“Let’s stop by some shops on the way, get her some food” Akito yells out, running around his room to grab everything he needs. Within minutes, they’re out the door, only delayed by Toya going to talk to Ena. Akito doesn’t even question it or grumble about his older sister, head ducked and lost in thought.

Even with their rush to leave Akito’s house quickly, they take quite a while to reach An. They stopped at a resturant, a cafe, and a convenience store all at Akito’s instance, grabbing her as much food, snacks, and sweets as they could. When they get to Weekend Garage, they’re suprised to find it open for business. Kohane, for her part, assumed Ken would close for the day to spend time with An.

On the flipside, Ken doesn’t seem at all suprised to see them, nor is he put off by their slight glares. She doesn’t know the reasoning of her two partners, but she knows she herself is childishly upset on An’s behalf at his involvement in it all, and then rightfully upset at the fact that he isn’t with her right now.

“Come on, follow me up. I’ll let you guys inside.” He leads them up a staircase and opens the door to their place, looking like he wants to say something but is stopped by Akito who rudely brushes past him. Toya doesn’t look up as he follows him inside, leaving Kohane alone with Ken. He makes sure to meet her eyes as he says, “Please take care of her.” He looks like he wants to say something more, but gives up on it with a small shake of his head.

Nodding and following the boys inside, she focuses on helping them put the bags down. Eventually all the scuffling of the injured two trying to get their shoes off along with the noises of the plastic bags brings An out of whatever room she was in and into the entrance. Kohane’s usual first thoughts upon seeing An everyday are variations of being wow’ed by her energy, attention often taken by a warm greeting smile or an even warmer hug. Her first thought when she sees An today is “Oh no.”

An’s barely around the corner of the walls, holding onto her arms and keeping herself at a distance. Her eyes are flitting around the chaos the two boys are causing behind Kohane (In their defense, they are carrying a lot of bags, but Akito is stubbornly refusing to put some of them down on the floor), and she looks… unsteady. The moment she sees Kohane, An straightens her posture and tries to smile. Kohane barely remembers to smile back, unsettled by the emptiness in her eyes.

Before Kohane can make it awkward with the sudden shyness she feels seeing this new, unsure An, Akito asks An, “How angry would your parents be if we ate in your living room.” She’s impressed by how the faux casualness in his voice, almost convincing Kohane that this is a normal situation.

“Oh, we can eat wherever. Why do you ask?” She questions as he starts to shuffle the bags around. He wiggles one in her direction. It’s clear that some are takeout bags from a cafe nearby with weirdly bad drinks, but weirdly good food. An is obsessed with that place because she finds the poor quality of the drinks as funny as she does offensive. (”I haven’t even technically been a barista for that long and I PROMISE I can do better!”)

Kohane can tell the exact moment An’s eyes stray from the various logos and onto his injuries because her hands go up to her mouth with a strangled gasp. “What happened to you?”

Akito’s face twitches like he’s suppressing what they call ‘his shit eating grin’ and he successfully makes himself look serious. “Kohane punched me in the face.” An and Kohane look at each other in shock, but Kohane tries her hardest to suppress her reaction. She nods sagely. “I thought he deserved it.”

An turns to Toya, confusion becoming more and more apparent on her face when she sees Toya gingerly unpacking some of the plastic bags with hands covered in a near comical amount of bandages. His face lights up when he gets to a particular carton of food (which for him means his eyes widen slightly and he stops moving as quickly). He hands it to her and seeing her stuck in confusion, kindly adds, “I was collateral damage.”

When he hands Kohane a box as well, she takes it as her cue for action. Putting on a brave face she wasn’t sure she had, Kohane gently locks arms with An and guides her to sit on the floor in front of the living room table. Akito had already unpacked mountains of take out and snacks. With the lost look on her face and the fact that she truly missed her today, Kohane doesn’t think much before she’s wrapping An into a hug, nearly tackling her to the floor. She especially tries not to think about how much it feels like a role reversal, with An usually being the one to initiate skinship. When they part, still sitting close, An gives her a small smile. It’s a little bit more genuine this time. Privately, she notes to start hugging An more often.

Akito unknowingly interrupts their moment by accidentally kicking An while sitting down in front of her. The table wasn’t big by any means, so all of their knees bumped into each other the moment anyone shifted. it was the kind of thing that probably would have annoyed Kohane, at least slightly, on any other day. Instead, she found herself settling into the warmth of the other three. He points to a few piles of take out.

“This is for right now. We got you a mix of lighter stuff like the soup from the cafe you ‘like’ and the stuff for your parents is in the kitchen.” He wrinkles his nose at that. They all truly expected her parents to be here with her today, but no one wants to ask why they aren’t. “There’s also some other stuff if you’re interested in it later. Some easy snacks that you can hide in your room for whenever”

It’s encouraging how An seems to be gaining some of her energy back, nodding to him and thanking them for the food. When Toya sits down by Akito’s side, they all dig in. Well, almost all of them. An is picking at her food, moving it from side to side to try and make it seem like she was eating. Akito in particular looks put out by this, but he tries not to show it. Taking over his apparent self created role of ensuring An eats. Kohane tries to casually recommend that An tries some of her soup, but she’s not the best at acting or being fake casual. Unfortunately, Toya is a mix of scarily observant and scarily oblivious when it comes to his people skills. His brain is apparently checking out at the moment, because he makes a comment about how Kohane sounds nearly exactly like the ad he read for the restaurant that made the soup.

Whether it was his tone or something else, An let’s out a snort and some unspoken tension is broken. A few sips turned into a few more sips, and An is slowly melting into Kohane’s side with each one. They were keeping up a light conversation, joking around with each other about stories Kohane had missed out on while she was in school at Miyamasuzaka. In turn, Kohane would tell stories about her friends over there. They’d ask An questions every once in a while, but never anything too stressful, nothing about performing or practicing. (Impressive they managed to do it so well, considering how large a part of their lives music really is.)

It was so clearly an attempt to take care of her, and it seemed like An was content to not say anything about it, until she suddenly straightened up with sigh. It had caught the attention of all three of them, and she looked flustered for a moment before saying, “You don’t have to do this. I’m alright guys. Really. Yeah,” she takes in a shaky breath “It sucks. What happened yesterday sucks, but… its fine. I need today off, but then we can get back to it.”

“A day off?” Toya questions, alarmed.

An looks at him, flushing and getting even more flustered. “I mean… I guess we can practice today then too? But the way that Kohane was talking, and you guys brought so much food,” she gestures helplessly “I thought we wouldn’t? I get that we have that live on Friday, but I was hopin-”

Kohane and Akito had both cut her off at the same time. “An, what are you saying?” “Forget the live,” but it was Toya’s calm voice that broke through. “I don’t understand. Are you not grieving? Would you not need more than a day?”

“Grieving? I mean… maybe? A little? But I’ll get over it.” She says it casually, but her hands hidden under the table are shaking so hard it can be seen in her shoulders. All three go silent again, as An takes a deep breath. “I mean…” An coughed out, “It’s been years. I haven’t seen or heard from…” Her expression breaks into misery, before another deep breath smooths it out again. “Years. She was already gone. It’s been years. Why should I be upset?” She smiled wobbly, and for a moment, she looked almost okay. She was breathing a bit heavier than normal, but she looked ‘fine’. As fine as she could when her puffy eyes, faraway gaze, and trembling did everything they could to betray the mask she was trying to put on.

“An,” Kohane starts. She bites the inside of her cheek, almost as scared to face this as An was. “I didn’t get to say this earlier, but I’m sorry for your loss.” At that, An finally makes eye contact with Kohane, eyes blown wide.

“But…” And with that single word, their stare down breaks when An jerks her head downward, hair casting a curtain over her expression. Her breathing picks up, faster and faster. It sends all three of them into motion, jumping when it turns into loud, heaving gasps.

Kohane barely registers Toya and Akito rushing to move the table to the side, as she moves closer to An. Her breathing quiets down, but she’s still shuddering, face hidden by her hair. One hand is pressed into her chest, trying to calm herself down, while the other reaches out slightly. Kohane is the one to grab her hand, clutching as that action could explain how much it hurts to see her this way, how much she wants to help in any way possible.

An keeps her eyes closed, focusing on slowing her breathing and wiping the now near silent tears. Occasionally, her face twists in irritation, trying to speak, but she chokes on every word.

“She was already gone, so I don’t understand why it hurts so bad.”

Kohane’s sight of An blurs when she understands. What is she supposed to say? What can she do other than cry with her? And that’s exactly what she does, forehead pressed to their joined hands as her own tears slip.

When her vision returns, An’s head is still bowed, but the tears are slower to come. Akito is sitting on one side of An, with his face twisted in pain. He hands Kohane some napkins and is holding onto some more, fingers twitching towards An. Toya is similarly watching, breathing in and out purposefully slowly. She’s heard so many comments about Toya being inexpressive, but the tightness around his eyes and the jittering taps of his fingers tells Kohane everything she needs to know.

With a breath usually reserved for pre-show nerves, Kohane takes the lead. Tugging on An’s hand until she finally opens her eyes, she shoots An the best wobbly smile she can.

“You don’t need to understand why it hurts, sometimes it just does. And we’re here for you through it.”

The words are clumsy, near cliche, and they don’t seem to do much at first, but with one more tug of their hands, An is in her arms. She’s not crying at the moment, but she rests her head on Kohane’s shoulder anyway. Emotional exhaustion taking over, she leans to the side and is caught by three pairs of arms.

Not much time later, the four of them are sprawled on the floor of An’s room. Once the initial wave of tears slowed, the words came much easier for them all. They talked; About how An was feeling, about what they were feeling, about how the Sekai was literally their feelings and what that meant for the boys earlier in the day. At one point Akito said “How fucked up is it that he dropped all of that on you and then made us dance battle him?” and it made An near hysterical, laughing so hard she burst into sobs again right after.

As all four of them stared up at the ceiling, they talked about their future in uncertain terms. Despite the uneasiness of the conversation, Kohane felt some of nauseousness following her emotions ease. She may not know what comes next, but she knows they’re right beside her. At the very least, they are for the time being. And with An constantly unconsciously reaching her hands out, as if to check they’re all still there, she knows she’s not the only one who wants to stay.

Meeting Akito’s gaze over An’s head, he gives her a small smile. It’s an expression she hasn’t seen on him before, but it weirdly suits him. He looks tired, but somewhat relaxed for once. Akito quietly grabs both girls attention and points to where Toya is laying behind Kohane. He was facing all three of them now, but curled up with his eyes closed. All of them probably had deep dark circles at this point. Before she knew it, the sound of Toya’s even breathes behind her, the warmth of the An’s hand, and the calming image of Akito’s smile lulled her to a much needed sleep.

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