Chapter Text
They say the first impression decides everything.
With Nigel Colbie, for Alex there isn’t really something like that. He looks neat but cold and hard to get along with. In Alex’s eyes, he’s just another one of those spoiled brats sent to this school just because their parents have money or belong to the same order as his father. No matter which it is this time, he still doesn’t like it. Actually, he loathes everything his father does and wants from him with burning passion.
Who cares that if there were ladies here, all of them would find Nigel a heartthrob, when every single fucking thing about him is so fucking annoying for Alex? It’s almost hard to bear.
When Nigel first arrived, he thought he could get a look at his things before the owner of them came in but hell, the suitcase was locked and stayed that way for weeks. Nigel doesn’t even allow him to get a peek inside. That sneaky little bastard keeps his things locked and is as secretive as the truths behind conspiracy theories.
At least he doesn’t snore, Alex decides to look at things on the bright side and ignores his roommate as much as he can. But it’s hard when Nigel’s eyes are constantly on him, observing, almost like dissecting. He feels uncomfortable under the stare as it seems to pry into his very being and read his darkest thoughts and secrets.
It makes him want to stay away from Nigel and snap without any control, thus he ends up avoiding his own room as much as he can. Thinking about it makes him chuckle pathetically because it’s really the only and closest thing in this hellhole that he can call his own and a home.
Only now it has been invaded by an intruder who is eating him out of it. There isn’t anything really wrong with Nigel, it’s just the way he looks at him is unnerving and Alex doesn’t want to meet his eyes. He’s afraid of finding out things about himself he hasn’t even thought of yet.
But as humans have adapted to everything, he manages to do it now too. It means giving up and giving in but in the end, there isn’t anything else he can do anyway. Father won’t listen to him and there isn’t really an objective reason for him to dislike Nigel other than his strange habit of making others nervous by just looking at them.
But there’s a limit to how long one can hide their true nature and so even someone like Nigel Colbie starts slipping up.
—
“God, what a stench!”
After cursing out loud, Alex’s first reaction is to cover his mouth and close his eyes. The room stinks so bad that he has tears in his eyes. What the hell is Nigel doing and thinking?!
It seems his roommate hasn’t even noticed that he came in although he barged in without holding back at all. He is still focused on whatever he is doing and when Alex steps closer to see what he’s doing that manages to produce such a smell, he feels all his blood disappear from his face.
Nigel is dissecting a bird. He has cut it open and is currently removing its intestines.
“What the hell are you doing?” Alex croaks, unable to make any proper voice as he’s close to puking. His legs feel somewhat weak and he’d actually like to be someplace else rather than spend any more time with this psycho. Nigel is clearly insane and dangerous.
Surprisingly, he’s willing to talk although he acted like he didn’t even see Alex before.
“I’m trying to find out how to help them relieve their suffering. For that, I must first learn how they work.”
Yeah, it’s a noble cause indeed, who wouldn’t want there to be no suffering but Alex wants to breathe too.
“Can you not do it here?” he asks Nigel for some consideration and when he gets reminded that father wouldn't tolerate something like this within the school grounds anyway, adds “Or at least not now?”
Nigel looks at him and something in the way he does it, tells Alex that he’s disappointed but nevertheless, without saying a word, he opens the window and as the fresh air flows in, Alex finds himself able to breathe again.
But his roommate doesn’t continue with his little research and instead focuses his eyes on him. Alex discovers his silent stare to be annoying, disturbing and aggravating so he snaps before he can think what he’ll blurt out
“What are you staring for? I’m not that bird on the desk that you cut open.”
“No, you certainly aren’t,” Nigel agrees with him and although Alex said some things that could’ve provoked him, he still looks as emotionless as a stone. His expression doesn’t change at all but Alex is sure his eyes are speaking. The way Nigel looks at him tells more than a hundred words and he doesn’t like those thoughts of his that get mirrored there.
“Then look the hell away! You’re making me uncomfortable.”
“That I can’t,” Nigel says and he doesn’t look even a least bit guilty for continuing to stare even after Alex has so clearly told him that he doesn’t tolerate his eyes on him. “You keep pulling my eyes to you. I think we may be one of a kind.”
His thought makes Alex laugh loudly but when the laughter fades, only annoyance, coldness and pride remains. He doesn’t want to place himself and Nigel on the same ground.
“We certainly aren’t. If my father didn’t place you here, you’d never share a room with me. We are too different, starting from the fact that I don’t enjoy cutting birds open the least. I loathe it. So keep that trash of yours away from me and maybe we’ll manage to pretend that we get along.”
“You don’t seem to like me very much,” Nigel points out and for the first time ever, there seems to be a small smile on his face. Alex ignores that and just remarks
“You are very much correct about that. I don’t like you and I don’t plan on hiding the fact.”
“Maybe you should think twice about that. Who knows what could happen, we could need each other.”
Nigel is now smiling even wider than he did before. Alex ignores his tone and smile and focuses on replying, making sure that Nigel would never get any ideas of friendship between them.
“Never. I won’t ever like you. And for your knowledge, I don’t swing that way.”
He knows that he just insulted Nigel greatly but that’s not his problem. He goes to bed and pulls the blanket over his head to make sure that he won’t catch a cold and won’t have to meet Nigel’s eyes anymore.
“Don’t forget to throw the bird out,” he reminds Nigel with a murmur and then is quick asleep. He’s been dead tired for a while because of his little trips with the train and is currently in a bad mood so the bed is irresistible even with a dead bird lying on the table. He still manages to sleep fine.
***
Nigel stares at the pile that’s Alex Forbes and his blanket and not a muscle in his face moves. The room is silent, the only thing that moves is the insides of the bird where the gases are escaping, making their way to the room, giving it the smell that Alex was complaining about.
Nigel hardly notices any of it, his eyes are glued to the blanket that’s moving every time Alex breathes. When the moving grows fainter he stands up and without making any noise, walks next to Alex’s bed. For a moment he just stands there without doing anything but then lifts the blanket and removes it from Alex’s face.
The boy is sleeping soundly and seemingly, not even a fire alarm could wake him. Nigel’s fingers brush against his face and Alex pulls away from the touch.
Nigel chuckles without any sound but his eyes don’t look pleased. He takes his hand to Alex’s neck and although doesn’t touch it, places it above him in a way that allows him to think it’s actually within his grasp.
He acts as if he’s choking Alex without actually causing him any harm. Just as he lets his hand down again, Alex tosses and turns his head so it’s completely within Nigel’s sight. Nigel squats and stares for a while, letting his head rest on Alex’s bed.
“You’re strange. I think I want you to like me,” he finally mumbles to himself quietly and then stands up, takes his notebook and writes down his new observations about Alex.
On top of the page, there’s a big note that says “Hard to please, hard to like.”
Now he crosses out the later part of the sentence and replaces it with “acts like everything I do is unpleasant. Could he become dangerous?”
Nigel circles the world dangerous more than once and looks at the notes he has made. Nothing useful yet, just confirmation that Alex is someone who doesn’t fit this place at all. Considering this, they should get along just fine.
Which means that there’s something else that keeps Alex from liking him as it definitely isn’t the way he thinks. Alex says all those thoughts that he at the same time keeps to himself and gets sent out of the classroom. They are so similar that it’s almost hard to bear. Sometimes Nigel feels like Alex is within his mind, constantly present there. He doesn’t enjoy it too much as Alex acts like he’s something bad, makes him feel like he is the one on the wrong. This is why he keeps trying to keep him in the dark about his interests. The last time’s fiasco shouldn’t repeat. Not with him.
***
He doesn’t see the bird on the table anymore when he wakes up in the morning. Still his mood is ruined because he constantly feels Nigel’s eyes on him and although he tries his best to ignore it, the bastard doesn’t stop and even others notice. Both Josh and Raj tell him about.
“I know,” he scoffs, “he’s so fucking annoying that he’s eating all my nerves. I have no idea how I tolerate him, just yesterday he was dissecting a bird at the table.”
Others get a bit taken aback and look a bit pale but Alex, looking back at it now, doesn’t feel anything. Yes, it’s something that happened and a memory that annoys him but Nigel’s explanation was reasonable and he could understand him.
No, he still doesn’t like the guy but the bird was gone by the morning and for now, that’s enough. If both of them mind their own business and by doing that, don’t annoy the other one, they’ll manage to pretend that they get along, just fine.
Others are a lot more alarmed by the fact that Nigel was dealing with dead birds than he is. He’s just trying to ignore that he even has any memory of having witnessed it happening and that Nigel is still looking at him like he’s one of his subjects to observe. If he ignores it, it’ll go away.
Or so he thinks but just a week later he finds Nigel’s bug collection and his notebook and the things written there make him lose all rationality that he has left. He knows he has trouble with anger and that he should control it better but he doesn’t want to.
Not now that he has a reason to get angry. If Nigel doesn’t understand that his abnormal and perverted hobbies don’t belong in this place, Alex fears he’ll one day wake up only to find himself on a table under Nigel’s scalpel.
He informs both of his friends about it and Josh says he needs to be taught a lesson while Raj chickens out, saying they’re going too far.
On any other day Alex might even consider listening to Raj’s warning because he’s the rational voice of the group, calling them back to earth and bringing out the weak parts of their plans but not today. Today he’s too agitated.
He has been putting up with it for so long, it can’t be allowed to continue. He’d never admit to anyone that he fears Alex so all of what’s about to come is in the name of asserting dominance and making sure Nigel knows where his place is.
Josh helps him to get Nigel and they board the train. All of it goes like expected. Nigel wakes up and they tell him their message.
And then suddenly, Josh is dead and Alex finds himself shaking at the corner of the wagon.
This can’t be happening. He’s dreaming.
It’s a nightmare and he’ll wake up soon. Josh is still alive, they’ll meet tomorrow as soon as he wakes up. He’ll be able to forget all about it.
“It’s not a dream,” Nigel says as he walks up to him and squats down right before his face.
Alex wants to look away, he doesn’t want to see Nigel’s calm eyes but can’t force himself to. Something about the way his eyes seem is alluring, something about it pulls him in. He can’t ignore it. Not anymore.
Nigel smiles and although his words are harsh, his smile has some sort of kindness to it.
“We won’t say anything,” he says and puts his hand on Alex’s face who instinctively pulls away from his touch, “and no one will know anything. They will think it was an accident.”
His touch turns into a grip and he holds onto Alex’s chin with such force that it hurts. Pain, when mixed together with his recent experiences, makes him tear up, causing Nigel to smile even wider.
“I like you,” the devil wearing the skin of a human says and then adds “so when I have to leave your room, when I come back, you’ll still let me in. Otherwise I’ll tell everyone this was your fault.”
Alex finds himself nodding. Whatever Nigel wants as long as he promises not to hurt anyone else.
Satisfied with his answer, Nigel lets go of his face and they go back to school. And no one finds out what they did.
***
—
Nigel hums in a low tone as he draws another picture of Alex. His new roommate knows what he does and is afraid to meet his eyes, he knows Nigel is nothing good.
Nigel hums a little more as he heads out after the silent hours arrive and no one stops him. His roommate keeps his mouth shut, Nigel’s warnings still ringing in his ears.
He shows up behind Alex’s door and looking at it, tracing the lines of wood, makes him smile once again. It’s almost like opening a gift box.
He knocks on the door exactly once and then waits patiently although his patience lasts only for a short moment.
Alex comes and opens the door, looking tired and exhausted. He’s obviously displeased about Nigel’s visit but he doesn’t say anything and just closes the door behind him once he has entered his room.
Alex shows him where the bed is and then goes back to sleep.
But Nigel doesn’t use the bed, nor does he go to sleep. Instead he keeps staring at Alex’s face, studying it.
Once more than twenty minutes of him just silently sitting have passed and Nigel’s breathing becomes rhythmic, he starts to move again, finding his pencil and notebook, opening it on an arbitrary page and drawing a line there.
Slowly he draws a picture of Alex’s sleeping face and once he has finished it, he stares at it, comparing it to his model.
“It’s still no good,” he quietly whispers and starts drawing another one, this time imagining Alex and his expressions when he’s taking the life of a crow.
In his drawing, Alex’s eyes are filled with emotions which no one has seen there before. And then Nigel smiles.
“This suits you much better,” he tells Alex and leaves the finished picture on his pillow before heading back to his room. He’s done for today.