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She shows up at his place. It's late, Leons scared from a recent mission. Escorting the president's daughter, came with a shit ton more trauma that he certainly didn't need. Claires doing good. She has her own trauma obviously. But she's dealing with it, doing her job and living her life. More than anything she thought her and Leon were doing good for once.
But he wont open up to her. She comes to visit him after his mission. She doesn't know what it was. Because he wouldn't say. She smiles at him as he opens the door. He just stares at her. Exhausted and traumatized. “Claire?” He sighs. She tilts her head, worried and curious. “Leon?” She asks softly.
“What are you doing here?” He asks, sounding exhausted. Claire smiles softly again, wanting to make him feel better. “Knew you just got back. Wanted to check in.” Leon sighs. It would be so easy he thinks. To run forward and cling to her. To open up to her and let her heal every one of his damn scars.
But he just can't bring himself to. Part of him doesn't want to burden her. Part of him doesnt wanna be seen as weak for letting her ease his troubles. She'd never judge him. But he just can't. No part of him can let her soothe him even though it's what he wants most in his heart.
“I'm fine.” Is all he says. Claire frowns. She knows how hard it is for him to open up. But part of her doesn't understand why. Or why he can't with her at least. I mean they went through an unimaginable trauma together. She knows how this feels. She has trauma herself. She wants him to just let her hold him and soothe every one of his damn scars.
She takes a breath forcing herself to calm. “You sure?” Leon sighs, yet again. Frustrated. Mostly at himself. But she's here, taking the brunt of it. “Claire, I said I was fine.” She continues to frown. “Well can I come in?” She asks hopefully. “Sure.” He says and moves back into his place, sitting on his couch. Claire comes in, takes off her shoes and hangs up her jacket.
She comes and sits next to him. The atmosphere was so different then the last time they were together. She really thought they were doing okay. She gently rests her head on his shoulder, but he flinches. Claire looks at him in slight surprise. They both have their triggers but they've always felt safe with one another.
Leon sighs and looks at her. Guilt and pain going through him. “Claire, maybe you should go.” A pang of hurt goes through her. “Why?” She tilts her head. He's frustrated. The urge to hug her and let himself go, overwhelming him. He's fighting it. Which in turn makes him frustrated at her, even if he doesn't mean it. “I'm just tired Claire, okay?”
Claire nods understanding. “I could lay with you?” She offers softly. He wants that, so badly. There's probably nothing he wants more. But he just can't. Something in his mind is telling him he just can't. He sighs and shakes his head. But it hurts him. “No Claire, you should just go.” She looks at him confused. “I don't want to. Besides I'm not doing-” She starts but he cuts her off.
“Claire. I said go.” He huffs. She stands up, putting her hands on her hips. “Why?” He scoffs. “Because I said so, damn it!” Claire looks at him in disbelief. “What is wrong?” She asks, looking down at him. “Nothing is wrong Claire.” He huffs rubbing his hand over his face. “I just wanna be alone.”
She keeps looking down at him with her hands on her hips. “No.” Leon looks at her in disbelief. “What do you mean no?” Claire shakes her head. “I mean no. I'm not leaving you alone right now.” Leon stands up. “Claire, I said you need to go.” She shakes her head. “No.” Leon scuffs. “This is my home.”
“And I'm your partner!” She snaps. Leon looks up at her. His frustration momentarily falters. “Your what?” Claire continues looking down at him. “Your partner?” Leon sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “And what the hell does that mean?” She looks at him in disbelief. “It means we've been through hell together. That we've known each other for six years. And done things that certainly cross the line of friends. And that maybe, just maybe I can't understand why you wont open up to me.”
Leon just stares at her in shock. Not expecting that from her. His heart twists in funny ways. Feeling guilty and angry and other things he can't even describe. “You're so fucking infuriating.” He sighs out. “What the hell did you just say to me?” She scoffs in disbelief. Trying to ignore the aching in her heart. “You heard me Claire.” He sighs. But he can see the hurt in her eyes. He hates himself for it.
He doesn't want to hurt her, ever. But it's easier to push her away and lie. Instead of letting her in, right? She scoffs in disbelief. Taking her hands off her hips. “I've been here for you every time you needed me for the past six years! And now you say I'm infuriating! What the hell is wrong with you?”
Leon sighs. So frustrated and guilty and so many emotions he can't even describe. “I don't know! Okay Claire, I don't know! God, god it just would be so much easier, if… if…” He can't bring himself to say it but it's on the tip of his tongue.
“If what?” Claire scoffs, throwing her hands up. “If, if I never met you.” He mutters quietly. The words tasting bitter on his tongue and heart filled with regret. Claire looks at him in horror and disgust. Through-out the past six years the one thing she's always been grateful for, is that they met. That even though they're not perfect and fall in between some weird blur of: less than lovers but more than friends. That they've had each other.
“Wh- why. How could you say that?” She looks down at him, shaking a little. Her voice trembling and heart in pain. With that Leon wants to punch himself. Over and over until he realizes what a fucking asshole he is. The way she's looking at him is enough for him to be sick. He doesn't know what to say or how to fix this. Or if he's even strong enough to try.
“I-” He starts trembling, but Claire cuts him off. “Save it.” She scoffs going to the front door and throwing her boots on. He wants to scream. To beg her to stay. He wants to go back in time and take her offer of laying together when she first came over. He wants to sob and beg her for forgiveness. To tell her it isn't true. But is it?
She's both the best and worst thing to ever happen to him. And maybe if he wasnt such a fucking coward she would only be the best. If he wasn't terrified of everything then they could be together for real. Instead of the blur that is their relationship. He’s snapped back to reality when he hears his front door slam.
He wants to chase her down the halls of his apartment building. To run out to her car until he's out of breath. And to pull her into his arms and sob. To tell her how fucking sorry he his. But he can't. He let her get away for the umpteenth time. He doesn't move. He just stares at his door. Picturing his life if they had a proper relationship. The sound of laughter and the feeling of safety playing through his mind.
Then he thinks of a different scene. Of Claire driving home after storming off. Of her sobbing the whole way home as his own words play through her head over and over. His mind flickers back and forth between fantasy and reality. Over and over and over again.