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Professor Jeon Jungkook loved his job. With his credentials, he could have commanded a position at any school in the city- maybe even the country. But he chose to work in Seoul’s poorest neighbourhood with their most underprivileged children. Most people thought he was not of their class- he was well educated and dressed nicely- not extravagantly but good classic pieces were expensive. He often wished he was as well off as his coworkers assumed him to be- a little money would go a long way at a school like theirs.
That was why the board’s decision to hire a new teacher for their school had given him a burst of joy that lasted almost an entire minute. Then he found out that the new teacher was to be a music teacher and moreover, he would have to share his classroom with the new hire.
Fortunately, they would not be in the classroom at the same time- which was a blessing in Jungkook’s eyes. Mathematics and music did not seem to go well together at all, in his not so humble opinion.
“What about the periods I don’t have a class? I need to be grading papers, I still have work to do.” he grumbled to Cho Enwoo, the assistant principal.
Enwoo looked at him with amusement. “There’s a desk in the teacher’s lounge that you can use. We all use it from time to time.” he said which settled the matter. It was of no importance that it didn’t settle it to Jungkook’s satisfaction.
***
When he reached his apartment, he slung his briefcase down on the kitchen table and dropped into one of the chairs and buried his hands in his face with a groan. Looking up from his reading, his roommate, Namjoon, asked “What’s wrong?”
“I’m going to get fired.” Jungkook said.
Namjoon shut his book, carefully marking his place and set it down next to his chair. He came and sat down at the table with Jungkook. “What makes you say that?” he asked cautiously.
Jungkook dropped his hands. “They hired a new teacher for my school.”
Namjoon patted his hand. “Don’t worry, you’re the best mathematics teacher in the city.”
With a bitter laugh, Jungkook stood up and rolled up his sleeves. “It's not that hyung. They didn’t hire a new math teacher- they hired a fucking music teacher. As if these kids need something like that.” He got out an apron and put it on to protect his clothes. “On top of that, I have to share MY classroom with him. And if I say anything about it, you know I’ll be the one getting in trouble for it. The system sucks.” He slapped a pan down on the stove top and Namjoon winced.
While Jungkook washed rice and began to chop vegetables, Namjoon got up and began to dig through his school supplies. Even though he was older, Namjoon was still in school, working on his Master’s degree in Psychology. Jungkook had been astonished that such an affluent and intelligent man had answered his ad for a roommate and even more pleased that Joon did not seem to care about the difference in social status between them.
Finding the item he’d been searching for, Namjoon came back into the kitchen as Jungkook was combining the main part of their dinner in a pan. He set a small black copybook down on the counter next to Jungkook. “Here. Use this and write down everything that you’re feeling. It will help.”
“Is this your professional advice?” Jungkook asked, teasingly, glancing up at him with dancing eyes. Cooking had restored his usually sunny disposition.
Joon nodded with a small grin. “Unfortunately, this is going to be something that frustrates you on a low level every day. Writing about it will help keep you from having it pile up in your head until it spills out of your mouth when you don’t intend it to. Have you ever kept a journal before?”
“No, I never had any reason to, I guess.” Jungkook said. “I guess it won’t hurt to try it.” He thought that, if Joon was giving him free advice about his mental health, it would be a good idea to take it. He tucked the copybook into his briefcase and set it next to the door to give him room to serve dinner.
***
Jungkook’s first encounter with the new teacher was the next day. His first two classes had gone well enough and he had no class for third period. He was gathering his papers into his briefcase to vacate the room when the new teacher walked in. Jungkook looked up and was struck by a wave of irritation. Not only at the man’s presence but at his appearance. Jungkook was gay but he had the decency to hide it- or at least not call attention to it. This man was dressed in a way that made it impossible to miss that he was probably gay. He was wearing a flowing floral print blouse- absolutely a blouse, not a shirt- with a matching scarf and wide legged, flowing trousers. Also make-up, earrings and his hair was neatly styled in a soft, blond poof. Jungkook sneered in disgust even while his eyes told him that the entire impression was beautiful. He snapped his briefcase closed and stood up.
The pretty young man approached him with a sunny smile, oddly square, and said “Hello, I’m the new music teacher, Kim Taehyung.”
Jungkook did not smile back. “Pleased to meet you Taehyung-ssi.” he said politely and brushed past the man on his way to the door.
Taehyung’s voice stopped him. “Jungkook-ssi.” Jungkook turned back to see him holding out his math text. “You forgot your book- try not to do it again.” In contrast to his earlier friendly tone, his voice was cool and aloof. He had offered friendship and been rebuffed, he was smart enough to realize it. Jungkook took the book silently and left the room.
Jungkook did not run to the teacher’s lounge- but he did walk as fast as he could without running. He dropped into the seat at the communal desk and dug in his briefcase for the copybook. He slapped it open onto the desk and began to write hastily, scribbling down his frustration at not being allowed a classroom of his own. He refrained, even here, from criticizing the man’s choice of outfit or anything about his looks at all. He closed the entry with a rhetorical question: What good could music possibly do children who will have to struggle for every scrap?
Joon had been right- Joon was always right, he was going to be an amazing psychologist. By the time Jungkook finished writing, he was no longer frustrated. He could even remember the handsome music teacher and admit that the man was quite attractive- although he had been much more attractive when he was friendly.
The period ended and Jungkook rose from the desk to go and reclaim his room before the next class started. For a moment, he held the copybook in his hand, wondering if he had time to put it in his briefcase but other teachers were already filing into the lounge. This would be the only place he really needed it, he decided and dropped it into one of the empty drawers of the desk.
Taehyung was still collecting his teaching paraphernalia when Jungkook opened the door to the room. Most of the papers were collected into a loose stack and he was struggling to fold up a portable dry erase board. Jungkook jumped to help him just as he managed to get the contrary thing to fold.
“I’m getting out of your way as quickly as I can, Jungkook-ssi.” he said.
Jungkook opened his mouth to say something but Taehyung scooped up the loose papers and, tucking the whiteboard under one arm, marched out of the room. He apparently hadn’t forgiven Jungkook for being rude earlier.
Jungkook taught the rest of the day and the first two periods of the next with a slightly bitter taste in his mouth. He didn’t like to remember that the day before had been Taehyung’s first day teaching at their school and he had probably made it uncomfortable for the young man. Jungkook might not approve of the subject he taught but that was no reason to make a colleague uncomfortable. He made more of an attempt to be cordial when Taehyung came to take over his room for third period but Taehyung remained cool towards him. Polite- but cool.
Freshly frustrated, Jungkook pulled out the notebook as soon as he entered the teacher’s lounge. He turned it to the page he had ended the day before on and saw that someone else had written: Don’t all children deserve the chance to be creative? To have joy and beauty in their lives?
The script was elegant and flowing, the characters carefully formed, but wholly unfamiliar to him- not that he knew any of the other teacher’s handwriting. In this digital age, few people even wrote by hand anymore.
He had intended to write out his frustration but the questions stopped him. He didn’t know who had asked him these questions or if they expected any answer but he decided he wanted to answer. Underneath it, in his best handwriting, he wrote: They do, they do deserve that. But doesn’t exposure to those things only make them want more than they can have?
He went back to his classroom wondering if the mystery person would respond. Taehyung managed to fold up the white board more easily today- but his stack of loose papers was growing, Jungkook noticed. “You might want to get a briefcase to carry your papers in, Taehyung-ssi.” he commented.
“So I can be a conformist, like you? Sorry, that’s not my style.” Taehyung said, looking at Jungkook’s bland brown leather briefcase with distaste. “I can manage.” He swept out of the room.
He wasn’t wrong- a briefcase like Jungkook’s would fit Taehyung about as well as shoes on a hummingbird. But he did need something, even if he was too stubborn to admit it. This was in the back of Jungkook’s mind for the rest of the day and, when school ended, he called Joon and told him to order a pizza or something, he was going to be late.
Then Jungkook went shopping.
He wasn’t sure what he was looking for- something that Taehyung could use to carry his papers that would be more in line with his personal style. He wasn’t quite sure why he felt like it was his responsibility- maybe because he still felt guilty over the way he had treated the man on the first day. Or maybe it was just because Taehyung deserved- how was it his mysterious correspondent had phrased it?- joy and beauty in his life.
It took a bit of looking but he finally found a music carrier made of sturdy paper that had the image of Van Goth’s Starry Night on it. It also boasted a long strap that could be worn over the shoulder for ease of carrying. As he brought it into the apartment, Namjoon looked up from his reading and then raised an eyebrow.
“There’s pizza on the counter for you. Is that what you were shopping for?” he asked. “It doesn’t seem really your style.” He glanced to the wall of the apartment where an Escher print hung.
“It’s not for me.” Jungkook confessed. “It’s for Taehyung-ssi. He doesn’t have anything to carry his papers in and it’s getting to be a precarious stack.”
Namjoon did not miss the slight flush that painted Jungkook’s cheeks as he said Taehyung’s name. “I didn’t know you’d gotten so close.” he said.
Jungkook flushed redder. “We aren’t- I mean, I was kind of rude to him the first day and I don’t think he’s forgiven me for it.”
“Have you apologized?” Namjoon asked.
“Um… not exactly. But I bought him a gift- that’s kind of an apology, don’t you think?” Jungkook asked. He knew it wasn’t. Taehyung would probably shove it back at him and not use it no matter how much he needed it or how well it fit his style. Unless… Jungkook grinned to himself, setting the bag next to the door.
Namjoon just raised one eyebrow again and changed the subject. Some things people had to work out for themselves.
***
Arriving at the school early in the morning, Jungkook left the bag in the teachers lounge with a printed tag bearing Taehyung’s name. When Taehyung came into his room at third period with the bag slung over his shoulder, Jungkook commented “Nice bag.” as if he had never seen it before.
Taehyung, however, heard a snide undertone to the words that Jungkook did not intend and replied “Yes, some of the teachers here are very nice.” The implication was, of course, that Jungkook was not among them.
Jungkook left in a bit of a huff, knowing that he only had himself to blame for the animosity. He forgot about it, however, when he opened the copy book and saw that it had been added to, again in the beautiful elegant writing.
How do you know someone cannot have anything they want? I dream of a world where effort and merit can bring you to wherever you wish to be and to be whoever you want. These children will create that world-but only if they are allowed to know they can.
Jungkook smiled and took a pen out of his pocket. He didn’t know which of the other teachers was writing to him- he had never seen any signs of this kind of philosophy in his colleagues. Taehyung might have a pretty face but whoever this was, Jungkook preferred the sharp mind to vapid beauty.
You are a quiet subversive, I see. I admire how much courage you must have to hold such beliefs and to work for their realization. I have long had such dreams for the future although I have never been able to express them so eloquently.
So, in an ideal world, who would you wish to be and where would you wish to be?
***
Jungkook began to look forward to his third period more than any of the others. To preserve the mystery, he made sure not to give any details that would allow his correspondent to guess who he was- and was also careful not to ask anything that would reveal their identity. The closest he came was to express his dislike at having to share a classroom- which was echoed by the other writer, so they must be another teacher that the new music teacher had displaced as well.
They had other things in common- they both loved teaching and, moreover, loved teaching here, where they could do the most good. The notes soon became letters which revealed a person with a sweet nature, an intelligent mind and a boundless enthusiasm for learning. The more they wrote to each other, the more Jungkook wanted to know. Finally, he gathered his courage and wrote at the end of a long letter:
I would very much like to know you, face to face. Could we meet?
For the next twenty four hours, Jungkook almost held his breath. He was distracted and could not concentrate in his first two classes and, when third period finally arrived, he rushed out of the room, barely noticing Taehyung come in.
Excitedly, he took out the notebook and flipped it open. There was only one line of text.
I think that meeting would be inadvisable .
Jungkook sat down, deflated. He couldn’t imagine why the other person had refused- but they had and he would respect that. His letter began with: If my request made you uncomfortable, I am sorry that I asked.
He continued the letter, writing about similar things, just as before, until the period was over. If he could not meet the person, face to face, at least he still had these written conversations to look forward to.
Only he didn’t. The next day came and there was no new letter- not even a line. He still wrote a long correspondence- Jungkook was not willing to give up so easily. There was no answer. He did not even know if his shy friend had even read his words.
The copybook devolved into what Namjoon had envisioned for him in the first place, a journal to write out his frustrations, his hopes and his fears. Since there was never any answer now, he was certain that no one read his words and he became less careful about what he wrote, certain details giving away his identity to anyone who was clever.
Perhaps this was intentional- his friend had shown him that they were very smart so if they did happen to read his journal again, they could easily deduce who he was. But no one approached him.
***
The end of term staff meeting was a generally boring affair- but necessary. Schedule changes, room assignment and any staff changes were all handled at this meeting- even though there usually weren’t many.
This time, however, Mr. Cho stood up and said “It distresses me to inform you that we must say goodbye to Mr. Kim. His position is being terminated.”
There was an intake of breath and all eyes turned to Taehyung who had a small, sad half-smile on his face. He stood and said “It has been my pleasure to be allowed to work with you all, even for so short a time. Thank you for being so welcoming.” Jungkook must have imagined that his eyes flicked to him as he said it. He sat back down.
Jungkook stood up. “Is there a reason that Mr. Kim’s position is being terminated?” he demanded.
Mr. Cho looked surprised. “We have decided that music is unnecessary for children of this class. Their time is better spent…”
Jungkook cut him off. “Music is very necessary for these children. How can we expect them to do nothing but work? They need beauty and joy and a creative outlet- music can be that for them.” He took a deep breath and began to voice the arguments that his shy friend had used to convince him of the value of music at this school months ago. When he finished and sat down, there was applause all around the table.
“Well.” Mr. Cho said. “That is a very persuasive speech.”
One of the language teachers spoke up and said “Then be persuaded. None of us want Mr. Kim to leave.” Mr. Cho looked around the table.
“Do all of you feel the same?” he asked. “Raise your hand if you are in favor of keeping a course of music at this school.”
Around the table, every hand went up.
***
After the meeting, Taehyung approached Jungkook and said “I thought you would be the first one to want to see the back of me. After all, you’ve never liked me.”
Jungkook stood up. “That’s not true. I’m afraid I was rude to you in your first days here and I apologize for that. But it wasn’t you that I disliked, it was having to share my classroom- and you should not have to be a nomad wandering about the school and using a different classroom every period, they should give you one of your own.”
For the first time since that first day, Taehyung gave him a wide and boxy smile. “I guess we just got off on the wrong foot then. I’m afraid I have a bad habit of holding grudges- but maybe, next semester, we could start over?”
“I’d like that.” Jungkook admitted. With a nod of his head, Taehyung turned to go and the Starry Night bag, that he had carried all term, suddenly gave out, scattering papers all over the floor.
Taehyung began to gather them up and Jungkook knelt down to help him, then stopped, staring at the pages in his hand. He realized that he had never seen Taehyung’s handwriting- except that he had, it was as familiar to him as his own. Looking up into Taehyung’s face, he said “It was you. The copybook- it was you.”
Taehyung blushed scarlet and dropped his eyes. “It was me. I felt so lonely here- moving from one room to another and with all of you thinking I was so unnecessary. It was nice to have a friend, even if it was only pretend. I never intended to let you know it was me- that’s why I had to stop writing.”
“You knew it was me?” Jungkook asked.
Taehyung chuckled. “By yesterday you were doing everything but signing your name. I would have had to be blind not to know it was you.”
“I didn’t know you were still reading- I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.” Jungkook said. He was still kneeling and holding the papers- neither of them wanted to let go.
“I never stopped reading- but I couldn’t keep writing back, I was getting too attached.” Taehyung explained. “I thought that kind of attention would be very unwelcome- from another man.”
Jungkook looked up at the handsome face. He’d been a complete idiot not to see who Taehyung really was. In a fit of madness, he said “Well, I’m already on my knees in front of you, I think I’m falling in love with you and you aren’t leaving at the end of term. So will you go out with me, Kim Taehyung?”
For a long moment, Taehyung studied his face, looking for any signs that he was playing a cruel joke. Seeing nothing but sincerity, he finally said “I think that would be a good place to start.” Looking at the ruined bag, he added “And I suppose I have to find another way to carry my papers. It’s too bad- that anonymous gift has reminded me every day that somebody liked me.” He sighed.
“Let’s go get dinner somewhere and then we’ll get you another bag. I remember where I got it.” Jungkook said and then laughed at the surprise on Taehyung’s face.
The surprise shifted into the square smile that Jungkook knew he was going to grow to love. “That sounds good but… no more secrets?”
“No more secrets.” Jungkook agreed, with a smile of his own. It was a beginning.