Work Text:
(Ex-)Bulls on Grid Minus Max Plus Daniel
Daniel Ricciardo has changed the group name from “(Ex-)Bulls on Grid Minus Max Plus Daniel” to “(Ex-)Bulls on Grid Minus Max Plus Daniel & Checo”
Checo
You aren’t allowing me to leave?
Yuki
No.
Daniel Ricciardo has added Isack Hadjar to the chat.
Checo
I would like to leave.
Yuki
We need you.
Checo
I’m done. I’m free. I’ve done my time.
Yuki
Don’t you want to laugh at Liam’s suffering?
Liam
Oi!
Alex
You barely talk here anyways, you’ll be fine.
Checo
So you will not miss me.
Alex
Of course we’ll miss you.
Checo
If I leave you will add me back?
Daniel
Yes.
I need another tired old man in this chat before we get outnumbered by young sprouts.
Liam
You added Isack.
Yuki
What’s with the animosity?
You already got the seat.
And if you fuck up, I’m getting the seat.
Liam
Don’t be like that Yuki.
We’re good, right?
Yuki
I am like nothing.
Liam
It’s not that I don’t want Isask here.
I’m just stressed.
Cause he doesn’t know, y’know.
Isack
Know what?
Liam
Nothing.
Don’t worry about it.
Welcome to the Dad Chat I was talking about!
Nobody else here calls him dad though, so this is the Max Chat.
There’s a Charles Chat, but we aren’t in that one.
Alex, Carlos, and Pierre are in it and they will tell us about what goes on in that chat sometimes.
Am I missing anything?
Daniel
The point of this chat.
Liam
Other than that.
Isack
Wait, no that feels kind of important to know.
Liam
No.
Isack
You said you’d tell me when I was added to the Max Chat.
Liam
Why do you use my words against me?
Fine.
You know Max’s Charles rants?
Isack
Yeah.
Liam
This chat exists because those tend to get a little out of hand, and everybody comes in here to complain about them.
Isack
There’s a whole group chat for this?
Liam
Yup.
It’s also just a casual thing for the Red Bull Pack to have.
Isack
Without Dad.
Liam
Pack Chat without the Pack Alpha!
Isack
But there isn’t a Red Bull Chat with Max.
Liam
Nope.
Wait.
Yeah!
Why?
Daniel
Gather around kids, Uncle Daniel is here with some Red Bull Pack History!
Pierre
This feels reductive.
Daniel
Sit.
Isack
*sat*
Daniel
I have a new favourite I think.
Nothing?
Carlos
Which one of us is supposed to be offended?
Alex
Max is clearly your favourite.
Yuki
Not even a question.
Checo
Maybe Lando.
Liam
Checo call out!
Oh yeah, Isack, chat rule: If Checo says run, you run.
Yuki
They grow up so quickly.
Liam
Shut up, man.
*sits*
C’mon Uncle Daniel! Tell us a story.
Yuki
Never do that ever again.
Liam
I’m never doing that again, holy shit.
Daniel
In the beginning, there was David Coultard, who’d never seen a mobile phone in his life.
Then there was Mark Webber, who was trying to hold himself back from murdering this twink that crashed into him at Fuji.
Then David left, and Mark was left alone in a room with Seb.
And it was in that environment that Uncle Daniel came to the grid.
With a Pack Alpha and a Pack Omega determined to bring glory to the team via murder.
Who’s? Anybody’s. Could have been each other’s.
Then Mark left, but both Uncle Daniel and Grandpa Seb are Omegas, so him and David were both kind of still Pack Alpha.
Nobody starts a group chat.
Max and Carlos come to Toro Rosso.
Max comes up to the main team, and Carlos texts to warn me about Max’s Charles Leclerc monologues.
Then Pierre gets on the grid, and as Charles’ best friend he’s drafted into the group chat because we have questions.
And that’s how we have a Pack Alpha-less Pack Chat.
Which isn’t a team chat.
Pierre
Except when it is, and the rest of us pretend that we aren’t here.
Yuki
I will use this as the team chat Isack.
I do not use DMs.
Isack
Got it.
Don’t mute this chat.
Checo
Never mute this chat.
It will become your lifeline.
Isack
Okay.
Alex
Speaking of lifelines, I’m going to need one.
Charles just added Ollie to The Charles Chat.
The Charles Chat
Charles Leclerc has added Oliver Bearman to the chat.
Charles
Bienvenu mon fils!
Ollie
Hiiii!
Oscar
This is The Charles Chat Liam and I were not telling you about that one time!
Ollie
Oh cool! What goes on here?
Oscar
Bullying.
Friendly bullying.
Charles has the biggest crush on Max.
Charles
I! DO! NOT!
Pierre
Yes he does.
Ollie
Awwww!
Love is real, and Dad still has a crush on Other Dad.
Oscar
Yes and he is insufferable about it
Ollie
What was that noise?
Oscar
Charles does that sometimes.
Ignore him.
That’s his happy squeal.
Ollie
Are you sure?
Oscar
Yes.
He’s going to do that everytime you call Max Other Dad
Pierre
Do not test it.
Ollie
It happens every time I talk about Other Dad?
Ow.
Oscar
Just call him Max.
Ollie
No!
I’m not calling Other Dad Max!
Why would I call my Dad by his name?
Carlos
Pierre could you come over to Ferrari?
Ollie
Why are you calling Other Dad by his name? Huh, Oscar?
Did he do something?
Are we mad at him?
I thought he apologised for spinning you.
Carlos
Pierre can you run faster?
He is hyperventilating.
Ollie
Who?
Lando
Pierre’s just sprinted by McLaren.
Oscar
Charles.
You killed Dad.
Ollie
What did I do?
Oscar
You called Max Other Dad.
Ollie
But he is?
Oscar
Yes he is.
Charles just isn’t used to us calling him that.
Esteban if you fuck this up, Pierre is going to become my favourite godfather.
Esteban
It’ll be fine.
Ollie
Fuck what up?
Oscar
Nothing.
Ollie
I’m going to believe you.
What I don’t know can’t hurt me.
Oscar
No it can’t.
Alex
Oh my god.
Is this what this year is going to be like?
Oscar
Lying to Ollie’s face?
Ollie
Is anything wrong?
Besides Dad and his crush on Other Dad.
Oscar
Nope.
Actually that crush is the problem.
Ollie
Why is that a problem?
Dad still has a crush on his mate, I think it’s really cute.
Means the love is still real.
Dad, are you okay?
Why is nobody assuring me that he is okay?
Guys?
Carlos
Charles is fine.
He’s got Pierre to cling onto now.
Ollie
Not Other Dad?
Lando
Max is busy.
Ollie
Too busy for Dad? He’s having a crisis!
Lando
Oscar.
Oscar
Sometimes Charles needs his best friend instead of Max to help him with certain crises.
And Max knows Charles well enough to know when it’s a Pierre moment, and when it’s a Pierre moment, he leaves them to it.
Put down the pitchfork.
Alex
That felt close.
Oscar
It was.
And as much as I try, Ollie is going to find out.
Ollie
Find out what?
Oscar
You don’t want to know.
Ollie
Then I won’t find out.
George
How are you so okay with this?
Ollie
Who? Me?
Okay with what?
The gaslighting?
George
Yeah.
Ollie
It’s both Liam and Oscar doing it.
I trust them.
And they aren’t pretending that they aren’t lying to me.
I’m not stupid.
I know something is up, but if they say it doesn’t matter, then it doesn’t matter.
George
Even if he’s lying to you?
Ollie
Do you think you should tell me?
Because clearly you know whatever it is.
George
I think we should tell you.
Ollie
Well I trust Oscar, and he says I do not need to know.
Charles
I will make it right.
George
PLEASE.
I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS SINCE THE PUDDLE.
Charles
I DID NOT MAKE MAX A NEST IN VAL D’ARGENTON.
George
YES YOU DID!!!!
Alex
They have this fight a lot.
Ollie
Okie!