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like most people, yoongi knows his limits. knows when he likes something or doesn’t like something, knows when he wants something or doesn’t want something. which is why he doesn’t quite understand the hold jeon jungkook has on him.
the little cat and mouse thing they have has been going on for years. randomly, jungkook will say, “hyung, i love you” and yoongi will say “wow who is this guy?” or simply act like he never said it. jungkook doesn’t treat him any differently from the other members, how would he know that he loves him in that way? what if he’s just experimenting? or playing a prank? either way, yoongi wants no part of it.
despite this, jungkook is still the only one with the genius lab code. despite this, jungkook is the only one he lets come and crawl into his bed whenever he wants. despite this, jungkook is the only one who can show up unannounced to his apartment with a bottle of wine and say “hyung, lets hang out” without yoongi turning him away.
—-
theres a hovering over yoongi’s shoulder.
“hoseok-ah” he says
“what, hyung?”
“is there a reason you’re hovering?” yoongi sighs
“just checking, hyung”
“checking my text messages with jungkook?”
“well no… i mean sort of?” another sigh, and then an eye roll
“why exactly are you spying on my texts with jungkook? dont you have a song to be working on?”
hoseok pauses and then, “well, yeah. i’m just worried about him. and you”
“what’s wrong with jungkook?”
“hyung, he’s doing it again and you know it”
yoongi looks down at his screen, a message from jungkook stating “hyung, lets get a drink together tonight. i miss you” with cute emoticons attached, implying he wants yoongi to pay. (he always does, even when jungkook insists on treating his hyung, his card is always somehow the first one to be put on tab)
“he isn’t doing it again, he just misses me. we all miss eachother in between comeback season, this isn’t any different” (he looks and feels exhausted, but that won’t stop him from replying to jungkook with a “sure, jungkook-ah, hyung’s treat”)
“okay hyung, if you’re sure, just be careful with him please” hoseok says, already beginning to walk away
“like im not always.” yoongi whispers to himself
—-
it’s 6:04am on a sunday morning.
yoongi sits in his office chair, with his headphones on and his phone muted.
he’s mid stretch break when he hears it,
the beeping of his keypad.
yoongi stops breathing for a moment, already knowing who’s going to walk though the door. he never has to guess anymore, he always knows who.
“hyung”, he says, almost in an gasped breath like he’s surprised to see yoongi in his own studio.
“jungkook-ah” yoongi replies, and it’s like all time has stopped. something about this visit feels different. feels new.
“i just wanted to come see you”
“about what?” yoongi asks in a voice that is reserved for only jungkook. he’s not even sure the other members know this voice exists.
“i texted you, i guess you didnt see it” as he climbs into yoongi’s lap. (this is new for them. jungkook in the last few weeks will just come into yoongi’s studio like he owns it, and then sit on his lap facing yoongi while he works on music, sometimes jungkook sleeps, sometimes they talk, sometimes yoongi unplugs his headphones and gets jungkook’s insight on a track)
“oh, yeah. sorry, phones been off all morning, trying to get this track just right.” yoongi hesitates, then puts his hands around him in a way thats almost too intimate. but teetering the line.
“need a vocal guide at all?” yoongi can hear in his voice that he’s on the verge of falling asleep, almost like he got straight out of bed just to come sit in yoongis lap to sleep some more.
“no im… im good. no vocals for this one.” he almost feels bad for not needing one.
“mmkay. is it cool if i nap?”
“it always is” he runs a hand down jungkooks back, almost as if he’s trying to lull him to sleep.
this feels too intimate. but jungkook doesn’t shy away from the touch. yoongi doesn’t feel a reason to pull away.
—-
yoongi knows that what they have isn’t normal. knows that the other members will look at them like theyre crazy. he used to be very shy, wouldn’t touch jungkook, wouldn’t let jungkook touch him. but as they grow older, he and jungkook are practically attached at the hip.
yoongi also knows that he has no clue what he and jungkook are. maybe once every year jungkook will just say “hyung, i hope you know i love you” and yoongi will pretend he never said it. too scared to think of the possible feelings that he might have for jungkook. too scared to think of the possible feelings jungkook might have for him.
he watches from afar, he observes and tries to figure out if jungkook is like this with any of his other hyungs. he knows jungkook is close with jimin and taehyung, knows that they’ve had a brotherly pact to eachother since the forming of bts. jungkook will tell jimin and taehyung that he loves them, which will result in them pinching his cheeks and kissing his forehead (which yoongi is totally not jealous of. theres no way.) and telling him how cute he is.
he knows that jin dotes on jungkook, almost like he’s his own child. knows that jin will text jungkook multiple times a week to ask if he’s eaten that day and if not, “come over to hyung’s place, i just made enough food”. yoongi knows they’ve said “i love you” to each other, but more in a “jin-hyung this is delicious, i love you!” way, or a “jungkook-ah, text hyung when you get home. i love you!” way
jungkook’s old “crush” on namjoon isn’t unknown to yoongi. he knows the fan tweets that go around, he knows everyone thinks jungkook is totally, utterly, in love with namjoon. yoongi doesnt buy it. the only time yoongi has heard jungkook say “i love you” to namjoon is after a concert or stage, in a “wow hyung! you were so cool out there! i love you!” and “you inspire me” type of way.
jungkook with hobi is a little different. they say “i love you” at every parting, randomly in passing to eachother, when praising eachother after a practice or performance, or just even when ending a conversation over text. but even then, it’s somehow still different from the way he says it to yoongi.
yoongi isnt the only one to notice this, the other members have picked up on the way jungkook will tell yoongi, “hyung, i love you”, almost like he means it. nobody comments on it, it almost feels out of place to acknowledge it.
other than the maybe once a year, yoongi never hears “i love you” from jungkook. (unless jungkook is completely drunk. then everyone hears “i love you” from jungkook).
—-
yoongi hasn’t been in many relationships, let alone one with his fellow bandmate.
he’ll be the first to admit he’s scared to even think about his “situation” with jungkook. but, is there even really a “situation”?
to be honest, yoongi’s scared to fuck it up with jungkook. this leads to him pretending like he doesn’t hear the “hyung, i love you”. he can’t admit that maybe he does wanna say “jungkook-ah, i love you”. he’s too scared.
—-
its 7:10pm on a wednesday evening
they have no schedules tonight, so here yoongi is, in the genius lab.
with no surprise to anyone, jungkook is also with him, laying on his couch on his phone, most likely scrolling through tiktok watching army’s videos.
over the beat in his ears, yoongi hears a faint, “hyung”. he turns around with little to no hesitation.
“yeah? whats up? what do you need?”
he sees jungkook curled in on himself, almost shivering. “can you get me a blanket? it’s cold in here, and i’m tired, i wanted to nap”
“okay, yeah i can do that”
he grabs a blanket from the closet and drapes it over jungkook, making a show out of tucking him in just to get a laugh out of him.
jungkook giggles, of course he does. “thanks hyung, you don’t care if i sleep, right?”
“i don’t, keeps you out of my hair” he jokes
yoongi is so soft for him. whether he likes to admit it or not. he’s staring at him like he holds the world in his hands and couldn’t do anything wrong ever.
“mkay, goodnight hyung” jungkook mumbles
“goodnight, baby” he says offhandedly, and jungkooks eyes fly open.
“baby?” he questions
“oh, um sorry, wow. did not mean to say that” he practically stutters the words out. flushed, embarrassed.
a pause, and then, “no, i like it, hyung, can you please keep calling me that?” jungkook bats his eyelashes at him, almost like he knows what he’s doing.
“yeah. i can, now go to bed”
“okay, goodnight actually now hyung”
“goodnight, baby” yoongi turns back around to his desk almost immediately after. he doesn’t get anymore work done that night.
—-
it’s after a shoot, they’ve all had a long day, between hair, makeup, wardrobe, and then the actual photoshoot, they’re all exhausted.
at this point, they’ve all been a group for well over 10 years. theres no need to hide anything, or keep secrets from each other.
unless you’re yoongi or jungkook. none of the other members really know about the whole “yoongi calling jungkook baby” thing, it feels unneeded to mention. so when yoongi lets it slip after the shoot, he gets looks. THEY get looks. it goes like this,
they’re walking to the van after changing back into their regular clothes, and jungkook asks,
“yoongi-hyung, can i come over to your house to sleepover?” (which, already gets them looks, but nobody says anything)
“yeah, sure baby. you can just come with me after we get to the company”
and then theres silence.
which, even after a long day like today, is rare.
seokjin stops him before he gets in the van, jungkook already loaded into the van, “did you just call him baby?”
“um, yeah. its nothing weird. hes like all of our baby, right?” quickly, yoongi tries to cover it up, but taehyung is faster.
“are you guys like? a thing? i mean, no judgement. we all know about me and jimin.” which, gets him a slap on the arm from jimin but nobody even flinches at the mention of the two of them being together. its a very well known secret.
“no, we aren’t a thing. it just slipped out. he’s the group baby, nothing wrong with that”
that gets him a pointed look from hoseok, who knows all too well.
but, they drop it. jungkook goes back to his house, they cuddle in yoongi’s bed, and its nothing new for them.
—-
he hears a knock at his studio door. he automatically knows it’s not jungkook, who usually waltzes into his studio like its his own. yoongi gets up and opens the door to see namjoon, standing there with a bag of takeout and a look on his face.
yoongi swallows, he has a feeling he knows what this is about. but yet, he smiles and says,
“ah! namjoon-ah, my favorite! come in!”
“hyung, i already brought you food, you don’t have to flatter me.” namjoon laughs
“ah, can’t i just say you’re my favorite! what’s up?”
“i think you know why i’m here” he says as he walks over to the couch (the same couch jungkook was on just a week or so ago, hes not thinking about it, no definitely not.)
yoongi clears his throat and then, “i dont know if i do”
“are you two dating?” he asks pointedly
yoongi sputters, “no! no we aren’t, i promise”
“okay, so what’s up with you calling him baby? and him being here and at your house all the time?”
“joon, i truly, don’t know why he does, but i promise we aren’t together”
“hyung, i dont care if youre together. i just want you guys to be happy. do you have feelings for him? also, i am definitely noting that you ignored the baby thing but i will move on!”
“ah, my feelings are complicated.” he clicks his tongue, “i think i want him, but im not so sure he wants me that way. he does this thing like saying he loves me once every year and then never again. but he spends every waking moment with me, i don’t know how he feels and i don’t know if i could handle his rejection.”
theres a look on namjoon’s face that yoongi can’t describe.
“i’m in love with him, i think.” he chokes out, “but it’s hard to be in love when i don’t know what he wants from it.” yoongi sighs, looking everywhere but namjoon’s eyes.
namjoon sighs and then, “hyung, don’t you know what you mean to him?”
yoongi stops breathing.
and then they drop it. they eat in peace, discussing upcoming tracks to produce and new music from other artists.
yoongi still doesn’t know what he meant.
—-
things with jungkook are going well. like, really well. suspiciously well. (besides the whole ‘yoongi having feelings for jungkook but refusing to admit it could happen’ thing)
currently, they’re in yoongi’s house, on his couch watching a movie. jungkook insisted on cuddling him so they’re sharing a blanket, which isn’t out of the norm for them! he’s shared a blanket with jimin before! no big deal!(he’s telling himself that to get the racing in his heart to stop)
yoongis not even sure of the plot of this movie. he’s been watching jungkook the entire time. jungkook, whos head is currently on yoongis shoulder (another reason for the racing heart but he’ll never admit it)
“hyung,” he hears, pulling him out of his head
“yeah baby? whats up?” he tries to act as if he wasn’t just staring at jungkook.
“are you even watching? you haven’t made one passive aggressive comment about how stupid the plot of this movie is” he frowns, but yoongi knows it isnt serious
“ah, sorry, had a long day and i’m just sort of in my head about it.”
jungkook intertwines their fingers, (as of tonight, also new, yoongi tries not to flinch as he feels jungkooks fingers hit the back of his hand) and sighs. “hyung, are you okay? you’ve been doing that a lot recently”
“yeah, everything’s fine baby, do you wanna finish the movie and go to bed?” he asks, almost like they’re a couple who live together, not two very friendly band members having their weekly sleepover.
(weekly sleepovers were jungkook’s idea, “hyung! we need bonding time! it’ll just be once a week! please!!” to which yoongi responded, “sure, jungkook-ah, come over whenever.” and when jungkook comes over more than once a week, neither of them say anything)
“okay, yeah lets finish it and go to bed” he smiles, almost like hes thinking what yoongi’s thinking, and then puts their clasped hands on his thigh.
yoongi freezes, this, is also new. is this what they do now? he’s not sure, but he likes it, and certainly won’t stop it.
the next morning, yoongi wakes up with arms full of jungkook. which, isn’t unusual, he and jungkook cuddle all the time, they hug all the time, this is no different.
what is different though, is the featherlight kisses that jungkook is leaving on his neck right now. yoongi stills and then asks,
“jungkook-ah? are you awake?” he’s running a hand down his back, just incase he isn’t, trying to wake him up
jungkook comes to almost immediately, jumps back, almost as if yoongi had dumped a bucket of cold water on him.
“hyung! oh my god! i’m so so so sorry! oh my god, i was asleep i did NOT mean to do that” he rushes out
“hey, calm down,” he’s trying to lure jungkook back into his arms to get him to calm down, “it’s alright baby, i figured you were asleep, come lay back down and you can fall asleep for a little longer, we have some time”
jungkook reluctantly crawls back into his arms, making himself small. and then, “hyung, im really really sorry, i did not mean to do that.” as he hides his face in yoongis neck once more. he feels so soft for him.
yoongi just pets his hair and says, “it’s alright jungkook-ah, rest.”
and then jungkook falls asleep, and they never mention it again.
—-
yoongis late to practice, he knows that. he was busy working on a track when he checked the time and immediately knew he was fucked. (aka. hoseok was going to have his ass for being late and not keep his eyes off of him all of practice)
yoongi tries to sneak his way in, he really does, hoping that maybe he isn’t the last one.
“you have to talk to him” he hears jimin say
talk to who? who is jimin talking to? his nosiness gets the best of him, and then he sees it’s jungkook that jimin is talking to. who does jungkook have to talk to?
“hyung, i know i do, but everytime i do i’m just shut down” he hears jungkook sigh, and then jimin spots him, and immediately gives jungkook a nudge and brings the conversation to a halt.
huh. really weird. but also, its jimin and jungkook, possibly the weirdest ones in the group when together.
“hyung!” he hears from across the room, he immediately knows it’s hoseok from the cheerful tone, he flinches.
“ah, hey guys, sorry hoseok-ah, got caught up in a track” he looks anywhere but their eyes and begins to walk to the middle of the room.
and then a soft, “hyung,” comes from below, jungkook’s sitting on the floor next to where he’s standing, “where have you been? i missed you i havent seen you in forever.” he pouts, (POUTS. yoongi is so weak.) “jungkook-ah, you saw me two days ago, come by the studio if you miss me so much!” (he tries not to think about how the last time he saw jungkook, jungkook was giving him kisses on his neck while asleep.)
he then realizes that was not the correct thing to say, as the other members roar out different responses.
“hyung! what the hell! you never let us come to your studio! i’m so offended right now it’s crazy.” taehyung is only half serious with him, knows he’s joking, but what he’s saying is true
“yah! what’s so special about jeon jungkook that he gets to come be in your studio huh? what about your only hyung? you never let me come hang out!” seokjin sounds just about offended as he looks right now.
“its because im quiet and also cute and you guys aren’t” jungkook says, matter of factly, and then absolutely beams at yoongi.
“yeah, what he said.” yoongi backs him up, they do this, tease the other members for not being jungkook or yoongi, it’s all lighthearted, at the end of the day they all love eachother, but they all kind of know theres something different for jungkook and yoongi.
—-
yoongi hears him before he sees him
“hyuuuuuungggggggggg” jungkook singsongs as he walks into yoongis studio
“hi jungkook-ah. whats up with you?” yoongi turns around in his chair to face him
“hyung, i’m so bored and everyone else is busy. what are you doing?” he huffs out
“doing what i always do, come over i’ll hang out with you” he thinks that jungkook is just gonna go sit on the couch, but no, here he is walking towards yoongi, making grabby hands like he’s ready to sit in his lap. yoongi just lets it happen, like he does with most things jungkook does.
they sit together for awhile partially in silence, jungkook listening to the song yoongi’s producing for their juniors, and then, “hyung?”
so soft, like he always is to yoongi.
“yeah, baby? whats up?”
“hyung, what.. what is this? what are we?”
yoongi pauses. hesitates. he knows they’re friends. he just doesn’t know what all this extra stuff they do is.
“um. we’re friends? i dont know jungkook-ah. to be honest.” and then, “what do you want this to be?”
“hyung. you know i love you. i’ve been saying it for years now.”
yoongi can’t go silent, not this time. can’t act like he never said it, because here jungkook is, in his lap, staring right at him as he says it.
“jungkook-ah, i…. ” he trails off, unsure of what he was even going to say.
“hyung. why do you avoid me when i say it? why do you avoid me and then do all these things with me?” yoongi can see tears forming at his waterline, his heart breaks.
“jungkook-ah, you were serious? you meant it in that way?”
that annoys him, jungkook gets off his lap and starts pacing the room. “hyung? what do you mean! of course i was serious. of course i meant it in that way! who else am i saying it to like that?”
“well.. i mean.. you say it to everyone else” yoongi avoids his eyes
“are you dense? of course i say it to everyone else! but never do i tell them i love them the way i tell you i love you!” jungkook practically chokes it out, beginning to cry already
“hey, jungkook-ah, come here, im sorry baby lets talk about it” yoongi tries
“hyung! thats what i mean! you calling me baby and shit, how could you possibly not know how i feel for you? when you do things like that and i LET you?” jungkook sounds exasperated, teetering on annoyed.
“okay listen. i have feelings for you. okay?” jungkook stops his pacing. “what? you’re not serious.” a beat and then, “yeah, jungkook, i am serious. why would i not be serious?”
“hyung, if you have feelings for me, then why? why do you not say it back when i say i love you?”
“jungkook-ah, baby, im so scared to fuck this up with you, i can’t lose you, not when i love you so much.” yoongi looks down, he can’t even admit that this is why he’s held back all these years.
“hyung? when you love me so much? are you serious? why does it have to be you who’s scared to fuck this up? why can’t we be scared together to fuck this up? i know i want to be with you. i want us to be scared together, i want us to just be together, we can worry about fucking it up later.”
“of course i’m serious about loving you jungkook-ah. i’ve always been serious about loving you. i want to be with you too. of course i do, i never knew if you were as serious about it as i was.” he breathes the last part out, embarrassed that he could have ever thought that.
“hyung, if we want to be together, why cant we be? why aren’t we right now?” he sighs.
“we can be baby, if its what you want, i want it just as bad.”
“hyung… is this you asking me to be your boyfriend?” jungkook giggles, and it’s like all the serious air in the room is gone, just them now.
“i don’t know jungkook-ah, is that your way of saying yes?” yoongi’s smile hurts
“yeah hyung, it is” his smile matches yoongi’s
“okay baby, then you’re my boyfriend now, sound good?” this would be awkward for anyone else, but not for them, this is natural and easy for them.
“sounds amazing hyung, you’re never getting rid of me now” he’s still smiling as he climbs back into yoongi’s lap.
“i wouldn’t dream of it.”
and then he kisses jungkook for the first time, and it’s like he’s been missing it his entire life without ever even realizing. it feels right. it feels like home. he knows it’s cliche, but he can practically see sparks fly as they pull away, and jungkook buries his head in yoongi’s chest, just as awkward and shy as the day yoongi met him, all those years ago. yoongi melts.
“hyung. i love you. will you say it back?”
“jungkook-ah, baby, i love you so much more than you will ever know.”
jungkook giggles and kisses him again.
and all yoongi can think is, this feels right.