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Chapter Text

Sirius Black was an ordinary man who, frankly, was quite tired of being viewed as extraordinary. 

Born an unbidden heir into an affluent family, his father a high ranking politician, his mother coming from a long line of generational wealth, Sirius had only ever known fame and high expectations. Together, building a name for themselves, a name that could intimidate those in the more, well-off, circles. His childhood was spent being paraded around by his parents in public before being handed off to nannies and tutors in private. From a young age, Sirius was known. And as he grew up, he became revered, without even having to do anything. 

As soon as he was able to, he was shipped off to boarding school, leaving his little brother Regulus behind. There, at Godric High, Sirius was quickly boosted up the ranks just by his last name. The highlights of those years however, were not of the popularity and respect he had garnered for himself, but rather his time spent with his best friend James Potter. Still as bright eyed and bushy tailed as the day they first shook hands in their shared dorm, James has been a consistent, unmovable force in Sirius’s life. A force which has helped keep him grounded and sane over the past 24 years. As kids, they got up to far too much mischief, but Sirius would never trade off all those hours he spent in detention for the feeling of freedom he had running around in the shadowed halls. James hadn’t made him feel like a Black. He made him feel like a regular teenage boy. 

Even into his adult years, after separating himself from his family as much as he could, Sirius felt people still viewed him as a being higher than themselves. He could be vain and admit that his handsome features could make some feel inadequate. This led to many a shallow relationships in his lifetime, which (not that he would ever admit to James’ knowing eyes) have impacted the way he viewed love and intimacy. Despite regularly having someone by his side, Sirius felt lonely. He couldn’t recall the last time someone he dated showed anything beyond surface level interest, deep down only being there to have a bit of arm candy or to climb the social hierarchy. Sirius yearned to have someone he could connect with. Someone who he could share his bed with, decorate his walls with photos of them, eat meals with. Even someone he could actually talk to. His partners have always been the more physical types. 

Despite leaving 12 Grimmauld place at age 16, Sirius still can’t shake some Black characteristics. And that includes the perfect persona he presents to the rest of the world. He knows what he looks like. Thick eyebrows set over stark grey eyes, cheekbones that could cut glass. A sense of regality to all his features. A prize winning ass.  In the past, his height and strong build alone have been enough to make the men he picked up swoon. His blinding smile that he flashes to convince everyone (see: James) that he is okay. That he is happy to be 35 with no successful relationships to date. 

He never pictured himself working in a rescue shelter as his full time job, but his background in veterinary science helped him get a position in animal care, although he helps with the customer side of business more often than not. He would far prefer to be around animals all day. But when James inherited the business from his dad after his retirement and offered Sirius a job, he could hardly refuse the opportunity to work alongside his best friend every day. In the process, as he climbed to becoming assistant manager, he also met Peter, a volunteer who works throughout the week. He upgraded their duo to a trio, even if Sirius has a nasty habit of dismissing him , he enjoys the mans company. 

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This morning dawned like every other one of Sirius’s working life. He woke up and went through the motions of getting ready before leashing Padfoot and heading out the door, set on visiting the town's bakery, The Burrowside, for his morning coffee. When he began working at the shelter, Sirius didn’t see himself adopting an animal, content to spend his days with them and say goodbye in the evening. But one night just after closing an old school friend, Benjy, frantically pounded on the door. He was clutching a small, shaking mess of black fur to his chest. A young puppy he had stumbled across in the gutter. Sirius was tasked with nursing him back to health and the connection he made with the little pup was something that could never be broken. Since then, Padfoot has been by his side and regularly visits work with him. 

Long black clutched between his chilled fingers, Sirius sets off down the mainstreet to the shelter. James is already there, as he often is, and greets Sirius with enthusiasm that could be considered offensive this early in the morning. 

“Sirius me old boy! Looking sharp today. New hair routine? Very voluminous, I must say. Clever. You never know when you might meet your soulmate. I met mine at a letterbox! Now, we have a booking for an adoption inspection at 11:30am today. That’s my lunch break so I’ll hand that over to you. Oh and that new snack range arrived so we’ll need to display that. I’m thinking on the pegs over there. Hello Mr Padfoot, your dad is quite grumpy this morning.” James hauls in a deep breath to compensate for his lack of oxygen over the last 30 seconds and flashes a gleaming smile. Sirius grunts in response. It’s the best James is going to get for at least the next 15 minutes. 

11:30 rolls around quicker than Sirius anticipated. After checking his emails and finishing his coffee he felt far more human and ready to match James’s energy for the day. They had a few drop ins, mostly young families, who were entertaining the idea of a new dog but no takers so far. He heard the front door bell be set off just as he was finishing cleaning up from the last family. Sirius grabbed the clipboard and set off down the hall. He pushed open the door and glanced down to ensure that the form was able to be reused for the next customer. Hanging it on the wall, he turned around to greet whoever had entered. 

Before him stood an angel. Sunlight streaked through the front windows illuminating him, making his brown curls seem almost golden. Hazel eyes snapped up to his from where they had been looking lower down on his body and a gorgeous blush filled the mans cheeks as Sirius realised what he had been ogling. Sirius could guess there was a lithe frame hidden beneath a baggy grey cardigan and loose jeans. The man rubbed at his cheek, almost self consciously, and brought Sirius’s attention to an old scar there. This snapped Sirius out of it and made him realise how unprofessional it is to stare at patrons. No matter how handsome they are. 

“Um h-.” The man clears his throat as if it has gone dry and Sirius finds that he can relate. “Sorry. Hello, my name is Remus Lupin, I had an 11:30 appointment to meet Snuffles?”

Oh god, even his voice was angelic. Sirius rapidly comes to the conclusion that he is not going to make it out of this conversation alive. 

After giving Remus the quickest introduction he could whilst still remaining polite, he bolts through the door. Which, he guesses, was rather impolite. Sirius feels as if his brain has been emptied. He has never felt like this after such a simple conversation. And, not to insult a total stranger, he has met far more gorgeous people in his lifetime. In his haste, Sirius knocks over the cleaning supplies that he forgot to put away, but the resulting bangs don’t register. 

Leaning into the break room, he calls out James’ name to get his attention through his blasting music and to interrupt his hourly dance break. He stops mid pirouette and slips the headphones down his neck. “Wow, you are looking suitably flustered. Is everything okay?”

“No. Everything is terribly wrong. The 11:30 arrived and my brain has reverted back to caveman status. I need you to do this. For the sake of the company.” Sirius groans out. 

A sly smile comes across James’ face. “Oh I see . Sirius Black is tongue tied. Someone call the press. But if it’s for the sake of the company… Then I guess I will.” James squeezes past him out the door but not before pinching his cheek. “Go get Snuffles ready. But be prepared to take it from there!”

Sirius slips into the staff bathroom and takes in his appearance. James was right, he did look flustered. Sirius Black does not get flustered. He flusters. Splashing cold water on his face, he squares up in the mirror and gives himself a murmured pep talk. “You are at work. You have to do your job. No matter how many confusingly attractive men walk through the door. Come on.” Pushing himself up, he strides out of the bathroom with his head held high and down the hall to the open pen. He finds Snuffles playing tug of war with Padfoot. Over the past two weeks since Snuffles was surrendered to them, the two of them had developed a close bond. 

Grabbing the leash they use for introductions, Sirius led Snuffles back to the front of the room to meet up with Remus and James. Remus looked at him warily but was distracted by Snuffles sidling up to his side. Sirius felt like he had a lot to fix. Sticking out his hand he introduced himself properly. 

“Sorry I didn’t introduce myself earlier. My name is Sirius. Like the star, not the emotion. I realised I forgot something back here, which is why I ran away.” The lie rolled off his tongue easily, as did James’ snort. Sirius stomped on his foot in what he hoped was a subtle fashion. He looked at Remus intently, hoping that if he stared long enough, the unusual feeling in his stomach would go away. 

James directs Remus over to the sitting area they have and makes sure he’s comfortable before heading back to finish his break. Sirius takes a deep breath and approaches them, happy to see that Remus is now on the ground petting him and talking to him. Feeling wholly uncomfortable and out of place he takes in the scene. The butterflies in his gut have slowed down their flapping, but he still feels mildly nauseous. Sirius didn’t even feel like this the time he hooked up with a model at Paris fashion week. Why was Remus eliciting such feelings in him?

“I know they’re a lot.”

Remus’ low timbre broke through his rapidly spiralling thoughts. “...The dogs?”

“No. My scars. But it doesn’t mean you need to stare so much.” He looked at Sirius when he said the final bit. Panic began to set in. He hadn’t been meaning to stare but there was something about this siren that was melting his brain.

“God no! No, that is not what I think at all. I think… well it doesn’t matter. Have. Have people made you feel like they are a lot?” Oh god his mouth was getting away from him. Going off the look on Remus’s face, he felt similar. He curtly moved on from the subject and asked more about Snuffles. This was safer territory and Sirius felt himself slip into work mode. 

“Yes, uh, he’s a 7 year old black labrador retriever. Surrendered to us about 1 month ago by the daughter of someone who was sent to prison. Murdered 12 people they say. Messy case, he’s proclaiming innocence but there were heaps of witnesses. Off topic, sorry. He’s extremely well trained and follows most commands. Like this.” Sirius kneels down next to Remus, carefully keeping a distance lest he explode. “Snuffles, shake.” Relief fills him when Snuffles completes the trick he has been teaching him for the last week. 

He stands back up, giving his palpitating heart a break. After confirming that Remus has no more questions, he begins to wrap up. Looking to the clock, he sees that 30 minutes has passed since Remus first walked in. Where had the time gone? 

“Perfect. We’ll come around tomorrow afternoon just for a quick inspection of the home and you should have him by Tuesday. Oh one more thing!” Sirius takes the moment of reprieve to run and collect Snuffles favourite toy. “This is crookshanks. It’s the only thing he has from his original home and cuddles it every night. It’s actually really cute.” 

Sirius leans down and gives the raggedy ginger cat toy to Snuffles who is wiggling in joy. “Well you two seem to get along great, and if all goes well tomorrow then I don’t see why you won’t get him. If you’re done?” He cocks his head to the door and they both walk down the hall, Sirius trying to not linger on how much more friendly Remus was with James than him. 

Behind the desk, James is on the phone whilst playing solitaire on the computer. Sirius sits down at his and pulls up the schedule for home inspections. Filling in the details he already knows, he turns to Remus to get some more.  “So can I have your number?”

Remus jumps away from the counter where he had been scrolling through his settings as though he had been burned. His eyes flick to the back of Sirius’s computer and he follows his gaze. The only thing stuck there is a rainbow heart James had got him at pride last year. Looking back at Remus’s face, he sees an emotion pass through it that he can’t quite name. 

“ You want my number?” 

The tone threw Sirius. He sounded… outraged? No. Scandalised?

Oh. 

He thought Sirius was asking for personal reasons. What? Just because he has a rainbow heart on display he would make a move on all male customers. Sirius felt his hackles rise in an instant. It is the same rhetoric he had heard spewed from his parents. Never trust a gay man, he will never have good intentions. He raises his eyebrow sharply. Another feature from his upbringing. 

“For the inspection tomorrow. We’ll let you know what time we’re going to be there.” He couldn’t hold himself back from quietly muttering ‘obviously.’ 

After sorting out the best time for them to come around Sirius dismisses him. He is aware of how abrupt he is, but with all the swirling feelings in his brain right now he can’t handle much more. He wishes his mother taught him emotional intelligence instead of which fork to eat with.

James hangs up the phone and gives Remus an enthusiastic goodbye that ends with them making personal plans. 

Afterwards, James spins around to face him with a jovial grin on his face. "What are the chances hey?" Sirius raises his eyebrow and increment to prompt James on. "Remus is Lily's friend from school. Brilliant bloke, I think we're going to see a lot more of him." Sirius can't help but not return James's enthusiasm on the manner. 

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The next day arrives and Sirius still feels off kilter. He went to a bar last night, trying to find someone to take his mind away from soft curls and hazel eyes. He was disappointed to find that no one came close to igniting the same feelings inside and his night ended with a disappointing hand job in between the dumpsters. All of his butterflies seemed to have gone dormant. He spends the day lazing around the house, Monday’s being his day off, only being active when taking Padfoot out for a run around the park. At 3:30pm he receives a call from James. 

“Sirius, mate, I need you to go to Remus’s for the inspection. Mum called, she needs me home ASAP.” 

“But it-”

“I know it’s your day off,” James cuts him off, “but Peter and Mary are both unavailable.” Sirius could guess what they were unavailable for. “Look, I don’t know what’s gotten into you since you refuse to talk. But this is for Snuffles to go to a good home. Just go inspect then you can forget about him.”

Heaving a deep sigh, making sure James can hear it clearly, he starts to look around for his boots. “Sure. For Snuffles.”

“Cheers mate. Call me later and tell me how it goes.”

Remus lives on the other side of town in a quaint townhouse. Behind the low stone fence was a cobblestone path that is flanked by violets. An iron garden chair and table sit on the patio. Climbing the stairs, Sirius used the brass knocker. He schooled his face to hide his excitement at seeing Remus again. 

“Sirius, hi. Come on in.”

Nodding at Remus, he steps into what is possibly the cosiest living room he’s ever seen. The room is bathed in natural light coming through from the bay windows. All the furniture is disjointed, none of them seeming to come from the same place, and Sirius loves it. Growing up, his house was all dark wood and matching sets. Here, there is a lovely green rug laid out before the lit fireplace, a patchwork blanket on the back of a cobalt blue armchair which sat next to a heaving bookshelf with a rainbow of colours. It was all so homely .

As much as he wanted to curl up on the chair and relax in front of the fire, he did have a job to do. He started making notes, highlighting the gate separating the kitchen from the living room and the fire grate. The bed that Remus chose was a good size for Snuffles and there was a good variety of toys. Even the harness was the best on the market. Sirius was quietly impressed with the amount of research Remus had clearly done but he made sure to keep that to himself. His walls were still built high. 

After inspecting the food and water situation, Sirius is led out into the backyard. For the size and style of the house, it was deceptively large. A sloping lawn was framed by garden beds on either side. A greenhouse sat at the back, indicating that Remus was an avid gardener. They were currently standing on the patio with more wire chairs, though these ones predictably did not match the front. Sirius began to take notes about the fencing and size of the yard. Noticing that Remus was getting antsy with all of his note taking, Sirius began to scribble nonsense on the back of the page until a bead of sweat rolled down Remus’s temple despite the cold breeze. 

“Everything looks good. You’ve got all the necessary equipment with plans to buy more and plenty of yard space. Food, water and sleeping arrangements all seem up to scratch.” Sirius said in a flat tone. “Any questions?”

“Would you like a cup of tea?” Remus almost shouted, then seemed to scold himself. Sirius fought down his reflex response of ‘yes’. 

“No, I would not like a cup of tea with you.”

Oh, the patented Black coldness. Sirius was aware enough to recognise that his behaviour was out of line but Walburga’s claws were sunk deep into him, no matter how hard he tried to remove them. 

Sirius made his way back through the house with the intention of leaving and never looking back, but some photos hanging by the doorframe made him stop. There was a variety of photos, some landscape and some of Remus’s friends. But there was one photo in particular had caught his attention. A sheepish looking Remus was flanked by two people; a shorter woman with grey streaked hair and a taller man who looked identical to Remus but with a beard. They could only be his parents. His parents, who were wearing matching shirts proclaiming ‘we love our gay son.’ No other photos seemed to show any siblings, which meant that Remus was…

“Are those your parents?” Sirius chokes out. 

“Uh yeah, Hope and Lyall. They went all out for my first pride.” He chuckles fondly, clearly reminiscing on the memory. 

“And you’re their gay son?” He couldn’t keep the incredulity out of his voice, feeling so thrown off from what he had been believing for the past 24 hours. Feeling too many things at once, Sirius bolted from the house and ran back to his car with the intention of getting as far away as possible. The last thing he saw was Remus standing on his front porch, mouth slightly agape. 

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“So let me get this right. You see Remus, have a meltdown, find out he’s homophobic then find out he’s gay?” 

It’s the next morning and James is spinning around in his chair whilst Sirius paces up and down the break room. Peter, who is clearing out the fridge, snorts. Sirius does not appreciate their frivolity in his time of need. 

“Yes! And now my brain feels like one big emotional smoothie turned on high! I’ve splattered everywhere.”

James and Peter clearly try to hold their laughter in, but after James breaks Peter can’t help but follow. An unwilling smile tries to fight its way onto Sirius’s mouth and he has trouble tampering it down. He puts his head in his hands. “I just don’t know what to do from here.” His words come out slightly muffled. 

“Well,” Peter starts, “you could begin by apologising to him?”

“What if he doesn’t forgive me?” 

“Then he doesn’t.” It was James this time. “But if what I’ve heard from Lils is true, then he should be understanding.”

It’s just before 5 when Remus comes in to collect Snuffles. The bell above the door jingled signaling his arrive, followed by James’s booming voice of greeting. Sirius, who had been allowing Snuffles and Padfoot some time to say goodbye to each other, reached for the leash and made the familiar journey down the hallway. 

Remus is standing in the foyer chatting to James looking mildly haggard. His hair is a frizzy mess and his eyes have dark circles underneath them. Sirius’s heart skips a beat and he offers him a tentative smile. He considered conducting his apology now but figured it shouldn’t be done in the foyer, nor in front of James. Instead he handed James the lead and let him guide Remus through everything. Soon, he is leaving through the door into the back carpark to take Snuffles home and leave forever. Oh .

James clears his throat. “Top notch apology mate, almost convinced me too.”

“Bugger off,” Sirius grunts as he follows Remus out. He isn’t exactly sure what he is going to do but he knows that he can’t let Remus walk away thinking Sirius hates him. He jogs down the hallway and pushes open the external door, catching Remus just as he is helping Snuffles into the backseat. 

Taking a steadying breath, he steps forward. “I was wondering if you had a minute?” He gives himself a pat on the back for a solid start.

Remus nods in response and finishes with Snuffles before turning and giving Sirius his full attention. Having those hazel eyes trained on him so intently suddenly makes his palms sweaty. At his prompting, Sirius continues. 

“I want to start by saying sorry. I know that my behaviour has been erratic these past few days and that just isn’t fair to you. I’m meant to be the professional here and I’ve let myself feel things a bit too personally. I reckon James and Lily are in it for the long run, so I figured we should at least be able to get along… yeah that’s it.”

He feels a bit winded after that, and is shocked at how much he had to say, but knows it was all true. He’s maintained the eye contact hoping to communicate his sincerity. 

“Thank you for saying sorry. I will admit it was all a bit confusing but I got Snuffles out of it so I can’t complain. All I ask is that you don’t be a dick about my sexuality or my scars. I can’t change your feelings but if we’re going to see each other then you have to get used to me being gay.”

It takes a moment for the words to process, but Sirius’s jaw drops once he realises what Remus thinks of him. “You think I have a problem with you being gay?”

“Sirius, you literally ran away from my house after finding out.” He feels his cheeks pinken at that, his embarrassment about his behaviour coming back. “Excuse me for assuming that you’re homophobic.” 

“I thought you were homophobic!” It bursts out of him before he can stop it and possibly reword it. 

“What on earth gave you that impression?” 

“You gave the heart on the back of my computer stink eye then had an adverse reaction to me asking for your number. Like you assumed that just because I was gay I preyed on customers. Not cool.”

“You’re gay?!”

Remus’s exclamation brings him back down to earth from where he felt like he was spiralling out of control. This whole situation had gotten so far from both of them. 

“Yes! Jesus, how have we both messed this up so much?” Sirius can’t help but laugh at it all. 

Remus waves his hands around. “Ok, wait, I need to understand this. You’re gay but I thought you were homophobic, and I’m gay and you thought I was homophobic. Is that right?”

“Well when you put it like that it sounds so silly!”

“It is silly!”

“Can we please start this over again?” Sirius desperately wants to fix this all. He sticks out his hand and reintroduces himself.

Chuckling, Remus takes his hand. “Nice to meet you Sirius. My name is Remus Lupin and I’m a year 2 teacher at Hogwarts Primary School.”

Trying to not let himself get distracted by the dimple which has now appeared with Remus’s smile, Sirius plows on, hoping to find an excuse to see Remus again. He thinks of Padfoot, who had looked so forlorn when Sirius led Snuffles away. He tells Remus about the connection they have made and asks if wants to help foster their friendship. To his delight Remus accepts. 

“Wonderful! So, can I get your number for real this time?”

Remus looks bashful as he hands over the phone, and Sirius pretends for a moment that it’s because of him and not the lingering embarrassment over the whole situation. Sending a winky face to himself so he also has Remus’s number, Sirius hands back the phone feeling rather proud of himself. 

There’s a little skip in his step when he goes back to work after bidding Remus a goodbye. He opens the door just to run headfirst into James, who was doing a very poor job acting like he wasn’t eavesdropping. 

“Who’s monitoring the front?”

“Stuff the front, you just got Remus’s number you sly dog!”

“It is strictly for doggy play date purposes only.”

“A date is a date!”

Friday afternoon finds Sirius off early from work after Fleamont came in to do some admin. He was thankful for the release, and took Padfoot for a walk as soon as he got home to work off some of his jitters. He found himself implicitly trying to pick out an outfit that he thinks would impress Remus. Only once all his fitness wear was strewn across his bed did he concede and pick some random items to don for his afternoon walk. But once he returned and was faced with the mess again, he found himself grabbing his keys and heading to the Adidas down on the main street.

Walking in, he was jovially greeted by Marlene, the store manager, her blonde hair flying loose behind her headband. He was glad to see her as he felt no shame looking her in the eyes and asking for her help. 

“I need your shortest shorts and tightest shirt.”

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Saturday morning was colder then Sirius had anticipated and he felt a moment of regret for his entirely inappropriate outfit before he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Raking an appreciative eye over himself, he grabbed a cap off the console table and ensured that his hair was artfully splayed before skipping out the front door with Padfoot in tow. 

He arrived at Hollow park before Remus so he let Snuffles off leash and sat on a bench to scroll through his phone. A few minutes passed before Sirius looked up and notice Remus coming through the gate on the far side of the oval. Possessed by a sudden urge to impress the man, he got up and started doing press ups using the back of the bench. His nonchalance seemed to have worked as Remus approached and instead of greeting him, awkwardly stood there on his phone. Sirius could see him scrolling through the weather app. His plan of waiting until Remus noticed him (and by proxy, his physique) was ruined by the burning in his arms. He stood up, put on his best smile and feigned surprise. 

“Remus!”

“Sirius, hey! I didn’t recognise you.” Sirius almost didn’t recognise him . He had yet to see him in casual clothes and that did things to Sirius, more than his work clothes. He was wearing smart black tracksuit bottoms and a white polo neck jumper with a green parka over the top. His curls were more defined then usual and Sirius suspects he has used some product in it. The thought that Remus possibly put some effort in today as well made his heart swell with tentative hope.

Saving him from saying something stupid, such as asking Remus to marry him, Padfoot runs up and wriggles his way between them. After the appropriate introductions are made between all dogs and people, they decide to let them run free in the middle whilst they walk around the footpath, tossing the occasional ball. 

And it’s one of the best mornings Sirius can remember. There was never a lull in the conversation and Sirius didn’t find himself scrabbling for conversation topics like he had to for his past few dates. He is thrilled to find someone as invested in the bake off as him and someone he can gush about all his favourite shows to. In his past, Sirius has found that no one truly cared to hear about his interests, especially relating to media. Growing up, anything that wasn’t related to his education or the high society was not encouraged. It created a deep sense of shame within himself that took a long time to undo. Even now, without the shame, Sirius feels that no one ever listens to what he is saying, and is merely going along with it to get into his bed or his (ex) social circle. 

But Remus… Remus is looking him in the eye when he talks, nodding along with genuine enthusiasm rather than forced politeness. He asks questions and doesn’t seem thrown off when Sirius gets over expressive with his hand movements. If anything, they elicit a soft smile on his face. Sirius feels comfortable with him. Comfortable enough that he finds himself opening up about his past and his journey of running away from home to James’s. He was met with soft comfort and no prying for more details, another surprise even if he shouldn’t be at this point. 

Once Snuffles and Padfoot return to their respective owners, Sirius finds himself reluctant to part ways. They stand by the gate a little longer before Snuffles begins insistently pulling Remus in the direction of their home. Fearing that Remus was going to slip through his fingers again, Sirius quickly speaks. “So it seems the dogs really enjoyed today. Are you free next Saturday?”

“Just the dogs?” Remus shoots back with a cheeky quirk of his eyebrow. 

“I suppose you weren’t terrible either…” 

The warmth of his flat is a nice change from the blustering breeze outside. He makes sure that Padfoot has clean feet before letting him off leash. Coming around the corner into the living room he nearly jumps out of his skin. James is laying on the couch, feet propped up, scrolling through his phone whilst eating Sirius’s secret stash of cadbury mini eggs. The bastard. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Lily said you were going on a date with Remus so I thought I would come around and help you pick an outfit. Clearly I am too late, although you could have used my help. Honestly mate, did you ask for the shortest shorts or something.”

“First of all no, these are just a pair that I found in my cupboard. They’re probably from a few years ag-.”

James cuts him off from his defense by waving the receipt around.

“Did you go through my trash?” He exclaims.

“I was looking for clues on where you went for your date and stumbled across it. Nice of Marlene to give you a discount. Although, I suppose those shorts should be cheap with that little fabric… And that shirt is so tight…”

“A man can’t even wear clothes anymore! And it wasn’t a date. We just went to the park to let the dogs run around together.”

“Let the dogs run so you two could snog on the bench?”

“James!” Sirius yells, exasperated. 

“Okay, okay. Sorry. It’s just… I can’t remember the last time you spoke about a guy like this.”

“I promise it’s not like that. I want to be his friend. Sure, he is attractive, but it’s all friendly.”

James looks like he doesn’t believe, and honestly Sirius isn’t sure if he himself does. But there was no use in fantasising about things that won’t come to fruition. Instead, he sits himself down next to James and grabs his phone, unlocking it and opening Uber eats. James doesn’t even blink an eye and leans forward to grab the remote and cue up the latest episode of Drag Race. Orders placed, Sirius flops back and rests his head on James’s shoulder, feeling grateful for his steadying presence to offset the whirlpool happening in his brain.  

‧₊˚✩  ☾  ✩˚₊‧

Next Saturday rolls around quickly and Sirius finds himself making his way to Hollows park again. The previous night had bought another round of anxious outfit deciding, before throwing caution to the wind and dressing as he would on any day off. If he picked his most flattering jeans and swiped some eyeliner on last minute, well that was just for him to know. 

Their conversation flows on from last weekend, once again shocking Sirius at the ease of it all. Whilst they began with lighter topics at the beginning, Remus eventually opens up about the backstory of his scars. Hearing the struggles of how he grew up and always having a deep sense of insecurity, Sirius thought back to the first day they met, when Remus thought he was staring at his scars- judging his scars. Guilt floods through him, now knowing what must have been going through Remus’s head whilst Sirius stood there, gaping like an idiot. He hastily makes an apology. “I really am sorry that I made you uncomfortable that day. I hope you can now believe me that I wasn’t staring to be rude or judgemental.”

“It’s alright. Besides, you’re hardly the first to stare. It’s not anything I’m not used to.” Remus replies. Sirius feels his already fragile heart splitting some more.

“You shouldn’t have to be though.” He hopes the sincerity is coming through in his voice. “Besides, I think they make you very handsome.” He throws in to lighten the mood but is very pleasantly surprised to see the tips of Remus’s ears go pink. Sirius tries not to think to much of it, but a glimmer of hope begins stirring low in his stomach. 

He had begun feeling like that around Remus and it scared him. Which is why he called James as soon as Remus had turned the corner, heading back home. He needed James to talk him down from following him and curling up in front of the fire, probably not unlike Padfoot.

“Mate, I think you might just be sexually frustrated.” At Sirius’s spluttering protests, he clarifies. “It’s just that you have never been like this after only a few weeks. If they’ve ever even lasted that long.” 

“I know. There’s just something different about him. He makes me feel like I can be myself.” At James’s soft noise he scoffs. “I didn’t mean for that to sound so sad. But yeah, I just enjoy being in his company.”

“Well make sure to keep him around, if not for your sake then for Jily’s sake.”

“Mate, I’ve told you so many times, stop referring to yourself as Jily. It isn’t going to catch on…”

‧₊˚✩  ☾  ✩˚₊‧

As the seasons begin to change, so does Sirius’s life. Many aspects stay the same; his coffee order every morning, his work routine, his Thursday spa nights with James, and now occasionally Lily. But his Saturday mornings have changed and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Gone is the tentative small talk and polite questioning about weeks, in their place exciting stories and inside jokes. Every Friday night, Sirius fell asleep with a smile on his face a jittery feeling in his gut as he anticipated the next day, his outfit laid out already. In the beginning, those nerves could be chalked up to getting to know someone new, but Sirius eventually had to concede that maybe his feelings towards Remus had grown just slightly above platonic. He can still remember the first time Remus showed up holding two coffees, one of which being Sirius’s order that he had memorised, and the joyful feeling that had lit up inside of him. 

Sometimes they would follow the dogs around the grassy field, or they would find a bench and sit. Sirius loved sitting on the bench next to Remus, even more so when their subtle shuffling over a few months bought their thighs to press against one another. 

One time, on a warmer day, it was Sirius’s first time seeing Remus in just a t-shirt and it was doing things to his heart and brain. Remus is describing, in very vivid detail, the scene of a child that threw a chair at the principle on Wednesday. He throws his arms up to demonstrate and Sirius’s mind blanks out upon seeing the strip of skin between his shirt and shorts. Maybe he should see a doctor, this increasing brain fog cannot be a good thing. The only thing stopping him from becoming a total mess is the peek of black ink from his shorts. “Remus! Why did I not know you were inked?” 

“-chair went flying! It was equally incredible and terrifying. Sorry, what were you saying?”

Without thinking, Sirius reaches over a yanks Remus’s shirt up, the other man letting out an undignified squeal and shuffling away. “What the hell Sirius?”

“Sorry, sorry. I just wanted to see what you have been hiding from me for months.” He narrows his eyes at him in what he hopes is a menacing manner. He doesn’t succeed, if the cheek pinching Remus is currently doing is anything to go by. 

“Oh my tattoo. I wish I had a better explanation, but I was just young and drunk.” He turns around to show Sirius the moon phases tattooed along his lower back. “I honestly forget about them. Only got it because I liked the guy with the gun.”

“Aw, were you all moony eyed for the artist.” He then proceeds to rudely cut off Remus’s response. “Moony! You’re moony! I’m going to call you moony from now on.”

“No you’re not.”

“Hi Moony!”

It had been a few weeks since that conversation and Sirius was still enjoying the pretend annoyance that overcame his face whenever he said it. A suffering sigh before, “Hi Sirius.”

Today they were playing fetch with the dogs whilst walking around the perimeter. More than once, they had both reached for the same ball, and each time their fingers lingered for a little longer than necessary and there may have been some prolonged eye contact too. Towards the end of their walk, Remus’s hand had begun to brush against Sirius’s. Everything in him wanted to tangle their fingers together but there was a small part of him hesitating. Small but so very strong.

It wasn’t like these touches were anything new. They had been building from the beginning, even if Sirius felt like he was the only one doing them, he couldn’t deny that Remus was beginning to as well. And Sirius thought that had to mean something. 

Thursday spa day was only him and James this time which he was grateful for. He wouldn’t have felt comfortable discussing this in front of Remus’s best friend. 

Panda face mask secured, nail polish drying on his toes, and hydrating mask in his hair, Sirius takes a long sip of his diet coke. James opted for relaxing rainforest sounds this week and it seemed to have worked wonders on him but Sirius still felt wired. Rolling onto his stomach he poked James in his stomach until he eventually grunted a cracked one eye open. “What?”

“I want to ask Remus out on a date.”

Immediately, James is up and scruffling through his backpack, turning down the music and tying his hair back. Sirius is shocked from the complete change in attitude but has learnt to just go with it. James holds up a little notebook and begins flipping through it, finding what he wants with a little ‘aha!’. He turns to Sirius with a sombre look on his face. “I’ve been waiting for this day.”

“What day?”

“The day you realise you want to date Sir Remus Moony Lupin. So, what I was thinking, is you could keep it simple go for a dinner date. But you guys do so much talking already, so why not do an experience. Here, I bought these tickets a while back. Use them. Or maybe you can go see a movie?”

Sirius looks down at the tickets that have been shoved in his hands. They were too a primary schools concert in the next town over. He doesn’t question it, but does slide them between couch cushions. “I was just thinking of heading down the Three Broomsticks. Everyone knows that’s the date spot.”

James, who was still flipping through his notebook and muttering ideas looked up. His tiger had slipped down his face a little, making him look melted. “Oh. Well then. I’ll just put this away…” He reaches into his backpack and pulls out another notebook. “Let’s brainstorm.”

A part of him wanted to say forget it, but the earnest look on his friend's face, partially obscured by the face mask was enough for him to smile and encourage it. 

‧₊˚✩  ☾  ✩˚₊‧

Two days pass and Sirius wakes up in a cold sweat thinking about what he’s doing today. He has never felt this way before and it’s unnerving him. But after a pep talk in the mirror, a spritz of cologne and his tightest pants, he feels ready to conquer the world. As soon as he steps out his front door, the wind ruins his hair so he runs back inside to fix it. Curl cream acquired, he once again goes out to conquer the world. 

He and Remus arrive at the park at the same time today, something that has never happened before and Sirius takes it as a sign of their cosmic connection and destiny to be with one another. Remus initiates the hug this time and Sirius tries his hardest to keep his happy wiggle suppressed. They let the dogs off leash and take a seat, not unlike any other time they’ve been here. But this time Sirius can’t quite focus, instead running over his script again and again. He realises that this is the first time he will be the one asking someone else on a date. 

If Remus notices Sirius’s odd behaviour he doesn’t comment on it and seems content to sit in comfortable silence, occasionally broken if he remembers something funny. Snuffles comes up to Remus early than normal and starts nudging at the leash. Chuckling, he stands up before turning to Sirius. “Well I got the hint. See you next week.” And then he’s turned around and walking away and Sirius feels like everything is happening so much faster than he intended.

“Hey Remus?” The man in question turns around, with his head tilted to the side and eyebrows raised. “I was wondering if you maybe wanted to get dinner sometime this week?” Flawless, impeccable, no notes.

Except for the shuffling Remus was now doing with his feet and looking over to the side. He’s thinking, which Sirius supposes is perfectly fine, but he would’ve thought a question like that garnered a simple response. “Uh…” Sirius looks up hopefully. “I mean, what’s wrong with coming here?”

“Nothings wrong, I just thought it would be nice for us to go somewhere that isn’t here .”

“Oh. Well, I don’t see why we should break what we have here. I have plenty of fun, don’t you?”
Nodding his head, Sirius tries to salvage this. “Of course, but we could still do both?”

Remus looks like he’s thinking very hard, a furrow appearing between his brows. “Let’s not risk the magic we have here. I’m sure James would love to go with you, if you’re craving Italian.” There’s a warm smile on his face before he heads off but Sirius is suddenly feeling very icy inside. 

“...And then he said that he thinks I’m ugly and unlovable and to block his number.” At James’s raised eyebrow, he sighs and rests his phone on the kettle so he can keep chopping his vegetables. “Fine, he didn’t say that. But he did say that we shouldn’t ruin what we have at the park. Which is pretty much the same thing.”

James frowns. “You know, I really thought you had a chance. Sorry to hear it mate.” 

Sirius just nods and keeps slicing his celery. “Well this is what happens when I try to ask someone on a date. Lesson learned. I shall go back to whoring myself at the club.” James makes a protesting noise but Sirius ignores it. “Sirius Black is back on the market spread the news.”

“Say, did you ever actually mention it was a date?” 

Sirius tries to run back the conversation in his head. “Yeah I definitely did, it was the first thing I said.” 

“Huh, so he really did say no… Wasn't expecting that at all. Then yes, let’s get you back out there. We’ll find your soulmate tomorrow, I promise.”

‧₊˚✩  ☾  ✩˚₊‧

Sirius is behind the counter sorting through the adoption applications when the bell above the door jingles. He looks up at who must be a walk in as they had no bookings for that day. The man brushing off his feet is tall and has messy brown hair that is flattened down by his black beanie. When he looks up, Sirius is pleasantly surprised to be greeted by deep brown eyes and  a smattering of freckles across pale skin. A smile that began as a polite greeting morphs into a sly smirk upon making eye contact. 

“Hello. I was just passing by and was wondering if you sold any toys. My friend recently got a new puppy and I’m going to visit them now.” The man’s smooth Irish accent addressed Sirius, not looking at Peter who was currently stocking their toy selection. It made a funny feeling bloom in his chest, warming whatever had been iced by Remus yesterday. Sirius returned the smile and delighted in the faint pink that appeared on the mans cheeks. A small part of him felt guilty for this delight, almost as if he is cheating on Remus for flirting with another man. But, he reminded himself, there was nothing to cheat on. A couple of weekends spent at the park, and apparently non-reciprocated feelings, didn’t warrant any loyalty. Even if Sirius felt they did. 

“Well you’ve come to the right place!” Sirius jumps from his seat and rounds the counter, giving Peter a look that he hopes demonstrates his want to be alone right now. It must translate as Peter scampers away down the hallway, throwing a shrewd smile over his shoulder before the door closes behind him. Sirius takes a steeling breath and face the man once more. “I’m Sirius, by the way. Assistant manager here at Potter Pet Protection.”

“Brightest star in the sky, it’s lovely to meet you. Caradoc. Sounds a bit bland compared to you.” Caradocs eyes rake over Sirius at this point and there’s a flash of Remus in his mind before he pushes past it and allows himself to sink into the feeling of being wanted. It’s a familiar rush that he hasn’t felt in a while and he finds that is doesn’t quite hit as it used to. Yet he still craves it. Craves to know that he is not unlovable and is still desirable.

So he returns Caradoc’s look and pulls out moves he hasn’t had to use for- well since he met Remus. Makes himself into the version he knows others love. 

Sirius cracks out his usual sale pitch but with a bit more flirt to it. He takes the opportunity to upsell Caradoc on a few toys and treats that he absolutely does not need. If he is selling himself out he might as well make a profit off of it. At the end of it, Caradoc holds his bag, swinging it lightly whilst shooting Sirius a demure smile. Drawing the line at asking a customer for their number (he is ardently not thinking of Remus) Sirius only gives a look of his own, hoping to encourage Caradoc. 

It works, as Caradoc steps forward again and leans over the counter slightly. “Look, I apologise if I have read this incorrectly, or if it’s terrible timing, but would you want to go for dinner sometime?”

The euphoric rush is a welcomed one. Sirius accepts eagerly and plans are made for the upcoming Thursday. Once Caradoc has left the store, but not before a final glance, Sirius sighs and turns around.

“Alright you two, you can come out now.”

The door busts open with a bang and Peter and James fall out in a pile of limbs. Sirius shakes his head, chuckling fondly. 

James stands up, dusting off his pants. “Come on Sirius! That’s the man I know and love!”

“Back on the prowl!” Peter chimes in. 

Sirius feels his cheeks heat and waves a dismissive hand at them. “It’s nothing… who knows if I’ll even end up going.”

“Uh. no I don’t think so. You are going to go on this date, have your world rocked by McSteamy and then get married and have all his babies.”

Both Peter and Sirius give James a look. Turning to face each other, Peter begins his pep talk. “Mate, I really do think it will be good. Even if it doesn’t go anywhere. It could be fun, getting to know more people.”

Sirius sighs. “I guess you’re right. I suppose it will be nice to know that I’m still loveable.” He tries to lighten the sentence with a laugh, but it falls flat. He gets a sympathetic look from the other two and finds that he does not like that one bit. Studiously turning back to his computer, he tries to ignore the burning in his chest. 

Thursday night approaches quickly, quicker than he would have liked, and soon Sirius finds himself standing in front of his mirror deciding on what to wear. He’s actively ignoring his urges to text Remus. Not to rub in the fact that someone wants to go out with him, but because he values his opinion. Instead, he opts for his tried and true and leaves before he can overthink it. 

Caradoc is leaning against the wall outside the Three Broomsticks when Sirius arrives, rubbing his hands together to ward off some of the cold. He’s dressed in smart clothes, as if he has come straight from work, and Sirius grants himself a moment to drink him in. Although he finds he far prefers cardigans and baggy jeans, he really is quite handsome. And the smile he greets Sirius with even more so. “Come on. Let’s get you out of the cold.” Caradoc’s hand is warm on his back as he steers him into the restaurant and takes the lead with the waitress. He pulls out Sirius’s chair and he can’t help but swoon a little at that.

After ordering their appetisers, and cracking open some wine to share, their conversation comfortably morphs from benevolent small talk to more personal topics. Their careers (Caradoc a solicitor), their plans for the future (Caradoc to open his own practice and Sirius to go back into veterinary sciences), and what they like to do in their spare time (Caradoc enjoying running and Sirius catching up on his favourite shows). It is here, after being prompted by Caradoc, that Sirius begins to go on his most passionate rant, who’s the best doctor, grateful for a new audience to discuss with. At one point, he gestures wildly with his hands, bumping into his wine glass and almost sloshing some down the side. He manages to save it but Caradoc is still looking at him with slight discontent. Suddenly feeling self-conscious and very much like he is back to being a teenager at dinner with his mother, he sits on his hands and ends with a mumble. Caradoc smiles at him almost pityingly. “Nevermind. I just didn’t expect someone of our age to get so passionate over something that isn’t even real. Especially not someone that looks like you.” 

He smirks at this as if he was meant to be playful, but a pit has formed in Sirius’s stomach that even his generous gulp of wine can’t fend away. He isn’t hungry for his shrimp capri anymore, and what was once a nice intimate table for two now feels claustrophobic. But Caradoc has continued talking and Sirius tries his hardest to zone back in, hoping that he is nodding and agreeing in all the right places. He wars inside his head and eventually tells himself that Caradoc definitely didn’t mean anything bad by his comment. If anything, he is probably right about Sirius being too passionate about something that isn’t more thoughtful. He’ll make sure to talk about more relevant events in the future. 

The rest of the dinner goes well and Sirius is even swayed to stay for dessert. By the end of it, the pit has shrunk and he feels rather good about himself, helped by Caradoc moving his chair closer and running his hand further up Sirius’s thigh as the night went on. And maybe the couple of glasses of wine. Caradoc settles the bill, despite Sirius’s insistence, and even ends up walking him back to his flat, all the way to his front door. Sirius is so charmed at this simple display of chivalry, something he isn’t afforded often, that he doesn’t push Caradoc away when he leans in. The kiss is at an awkward angle and Caradoc is using too much tongue and Sirius revels in it. This is what he knows. The feeling of hands on his body, pushing and taking, one ending in mind. 

His back is flat against the door and soon the hot line of Caradoc is pressed insistently on his hip. Sirius so desperately wants to reach for the handle and drag Caradoc inside, it’s what he does , it’s what he knows , but there is something stopping him. A mental block that suspiciously looks like Remus and sounds like James. So he carefully puts his hands on the other mans chest and pushes him off with as much grace as he can muster through his hazy mind. Making sure to put on his most dazzling smile he bats his eyelashes up at him. “I had a really nice time tonight.”

Caradoc is looking at his mouth when he replies. “Yes, me too. Would love to do it again. I’ll text you. Unless…” His eyes trail upwards to Sirius’s bedroom window.

Sensing his opportunity, Sirius steps into his house and half closes the door. “A repeat of this sounds lovely. Text me?” With a final kiss and wink, he closes the door and slides down until he is in a heap on the floor. Padfoot comes running over and immediately nuzzles into him. Sirius breathes him in and finds comfort in his familiar scent, a nice grounding after such a whirlpool of emotions. Taking his phone out of his pocket, he sees that he’s missed a few messages from James.

Jamie:

18:48 good luck tonight mate, bet you look dashing

19:59 checking in to make sure you don’t need an escape plan

21:03 hoping that these messages don’t end up in your murder documentary. I’m guessing you’re currently occupied

21:05 dirty dog. Don't be late for work tomorrow xx

Not having the energy to respond, he sends off two hearts. He makes his way down the hallway into the kitchen and pours himself a glass of water. The house is silent. It’s heavy. He walks over to his record player and turns it on full volume, the opening chords of Cities on Flame echoing throughout his flat as he goes about his night routine. Standing at the backdoor with his toothbrush hanging out his mouth, watching Padfoot sniff around the backyard, Sirius finally lets himself think about the night. It had been nice. Simple. Dinner, drinks and a snog on his front step had been almost exactly what he had expected. But some part of him couldn’t help but feel- bored. Caradoc’s interests seemed to purely revolve around his work and fitness, which Sirius supposed was fine , but he found himself wishing for more. Although he supposed it was only the first date. Shaking his head to stop his downward spiral, he locks the door behind Padfoot and makes his way back to his room to lie down on his bed and trace the constellations that James had stuck in the ceiling with glow in the dark stickers when he first moved in. 

The music eventually stops and the silence weighs down on him. Padfoot slinks through the door and is a welcome weight against his side. He curls into him and lets sleep take him. 

He ignores James’s questions the next day.

Remus is already sitting on the bench when Sirius arrives, the early morning sun making his hair shine almost ethereally. He’s got a lumpy green scarf wrapped around his neck, one that Sirius knows that his mum knitted for his birthday. The sight of him tugs on Sirius’s heart strings and he can’t help the soppy smile that comes over his face. His sneakers scuff the gravel as he approaches, grabbing Remus’s attention from where he was reading. A small part of Sirius is nervous that there will be some awkwardness lingering from last week but the small, quirk of a smile on Remus’s face quickly dismisses any of that. He stands up to greet him and Sirius really does need to start evaluating his standards because the simplest of things are starting to make him swoon. 

They begin with their usual greetings, but for once Sirius trips over the question of what he did over the past week. Normally, he would just talk about work and James but now he has actual news to share. He hesitates, but Remus is looking at him with open, hazel eyes and he finds himself wanting to share all the details of his date. He needs to not forget that first and foremost, Remus is his close friend. Cradling the take out coffee Remus had bought between his hands, he begins to recall the date, skimming over the not so brilliant parts to ensure Remus doesn’t get a bad picture. 

“So we split dessert and then he walked me to my door. Which is totally the bare minimum but still sweet. So yeah, that was him. Should I text him back?”

Caradoc had messaged him that morning asking when Sirius was free next and he was still yet to respond. He knew when he was free, of course, but he didn’t know if he wanted to be free for Caradoc. A tiny, delusional part of him was hoping that hearing all that would send Remus into a jealous rage and have him begging to be the next one to take Sirius out. Instead he got Remus encouraging him to message him back all whilst smiling a smile that Sirius doesn’t think he’s seen before. 

“Ok, I’ll message him later.  Don’t want to waste my Saturday Moony Time. Who knows, it might not even go anywhere. I think you would really like him though.”

Monday morning finds Sirius meeting Caradoc at the Burrowside before they each head off to their respective jobs. In the end, Sirius had responded enthusiastically and was beginning to find Caradoc’s presence not all that unpleasant. Which, he supposed, was a rather low standard for a relationship but he wasn’t picky. It was only a quick meeting this time but more plans were created and that’s how it goes for the next few weeks. 

Small catch ups in the mornings and evenings but no label placed on their relationship yet; Sirius was grateful for that. They even stay at each others houses sometimes. They don’t have sex, which Sirius can tell is annoying Caradoc a bit, but he can’t bing himself to do it yet. Caradoc gets huffy when Sirius pulls away and is a bit cold towards him for the rest of the night, which makes Sirius feel endlessly guilty but he has had enough stern talkings to from James to know that he is not in the wrong. 

One time, Caradoc asked Sirius to stay the night on a Friday and Sirius had to come up with some very elaborate (and not at all believable) excuse as to why he couldn’t. It wasn’t like he could tell the man he was seeing that Saturday mornings were sacred to get ready to go see his very platonic walking buddy. Remus actually hadn’t come up that often between them, Sirius feeling oddly protective of their connection. But he heard plenty about James and Lily, which is what led them to standing on their porch on a Wednesday night, Sirius clutching a bottle of wine in one hand, Caradoc encasing his other. Lily opens the door, her red hair frizzing out from her plait and food all over her apron. She gives them a bright smile and ushers them through the door with a kiss to the cheek and grateful hands grabbing the wine. James greets them with glasses in hand and they all sit around the kitchen island whilst the roast finishes in the oven. 

Just as Caradoc is impressing them all with a recent case he handled, the doorbell chimes. Sirius looks up confused, not expecting anyone else to be joining them, but James and Lily seem to have been expecting it and both go back down the hallway to open the door.

The pair moved into their apartment a few weeks ago so tonight was a house warming of sorts. It is a small cottage that is about 30 minutes from the towns centre, flanked by rolling hills. Sirius loves it. It’s all wooden beams and open plan, the kitchen a burnt umber, contrasting the oak bench top nicely. There is an open fire place surrounded by plush arm chairs that Sirius so desperately wanted to curl up in. He hasn’t been upstairs, but based on his late night Zoopla stalking, he knows there are two equally cozy bedrooms upstairs and he hopes that the spare one is open for him at anytime. 

Returning back to the kitchen after jubilant greetings, James and Lily appear, with Remus trailing behind them. In his hand is an identical bottle of wine and Sirius can’t help but laugh. “Well hello. I didn’t know you were coming tonight!” He jumps up to welcome Remus with more enthusiasm then maybe was appropriate. Well, more enthusiasm then he has ever greeted Caradoc with anyways. 

Pulling back from the hug, Remus responds in turn and then faces the other man. Sirius feels slightly nervous for their meeting. It feels like two parts of his life that should never meet but here they are. He tells himself that he is imagining things when Remus squares his shoulders before shaking Caradoc’s hand; ignores the white patches that appear from Remus’s grip. 

After they all sit down, Sirius looks around and realises that this is the first time that he, Remus, Lily and James have been together at the same time. It makes him smile and imagine a future that he knows isn’t feasible. And then he feels guilty for thinking that when Caradoc’s hand is resting on his thigh.

Conversation is slightly stilted at the beginning of dinner with them all trying to get used to the introduction of someone new. Sirius feels himself sweating in the silence of forks and knives scraping across plates. Grappling at straws, he bursts out, “Caradoc! Did you know that Remus also watched that documentary about hidden sugars?”

He’s met with blank stares from the both of them, but it does the job so he continues to connect them on common interests until Remus excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Lily follows not long after, muttering something about extra jumpers. James gets up to begin washing the plates which leaves Sirius and Caradoc sitting in silence, which they really shouldn’t be. After one too many cleared throats, Caradoc slips away as well but Sirius doesn’t question it. Instead, he grabs their glasses and follows James into the kitchen where he is loading the dishwasher. 

“Caradoc is lovely.”

Sirius shuffles over to the sink and starts rinsing dishes. “Yeah, he is.”

“Not that I expected anything else. You’ve always had amazing taste in men.” The sarcasm hangs heavy in the air. Sirius lets it.

“Remus is also lovely.”

Sirius turns off the tap. 

“Do you think Caradoc has noticed that you’ve been looking at Remus all night?” 

Sirius dries his hands.

“... Have you noticed?”

Sirius turns to face James. Sighs.

“I’ve been dividing my attention between everyone tonight. If I happened to pay more attention to one more than the other, well, that is unintentional.”

“Sirius, mate, come on…”

He doesn’t like that tone of voice one bit. It makes him feel exposed, for once cursing how well James knows him. 

“If you’re happy with Caradoc then I won’t stop you. But if you feel that he isn’t right for you, then I strongly encourage you to choose yourself for once. You aren’t unloveable. You don’t have to settle.”

The tears are rapid and unwelcomed. James wraps him up in a strong hug that is warm and familiar. There are footsteps and muffled talking on the stairs so Sirius wipes his eyes and splashes his face with cold water. Remus walks back into the room looking flushed, followed closely by Lily but there’s no sign of Caradoc. The only sign that anything is off is James and Lily’s rapid whispering inside the kitchen. Remus and Sirius give each other small smiles, before Sirius moves into the living room to take a seat, with the intention of staying for a while and having another drink. It isn’t long until Caradoc is entering the room again, already wearing his coat and carrying Sirius’s. “Thank you for dinner all, but we really best be off. You know how this one gets.” He nods his head towards Sirius. He’s met with silence from everyone else but doesn’t seem deterred, throwing his coat at him. 

Sirius puts it on and goes to say his goodbyes. He reaches Remus last but before he can hug him goodbye, Caradoc is wrapping his arm around his waist and guiding him out the door. Sirius doesn’t look back.

‧₊˚✩  ☾  ✩˚₊‧

Caradoc ends up staying over that Friday night. Padfoot seems put out that his spot on the bed is taken but Sirius thinks that requesting Caradoc to sleep on the couch is too much to ask. 

In the morning, Sirius wakes to the sound of bacon frying and the smell of freshly brewed coffee. Groping blindly in the dark of the room he grabs a shirt and makes his way into the kitchen. Caradoc is standing at the stove with his back to him, a stack of pancakes steaming next on the counter. Hearing his footsteps down the hallway and Padfoot's excited tail thumping, he turns around, spatula in hand and a ‘kiss the chef’ apron tied loosely around his waist. For some reason it is more off putting than endearing. 

“Morning beautiful. Please, sit down. I made breakfast!”

The table is laid out with plates and cutlery, with a pitcher of juice and vase of fresh flowers. Sirius takes a seat, suspicious as Caradoc plates up their food and sits down across from them. He pushes Padfoot out of the way and Sirius feels his hackles rise. “Don’t push him, I’ve already told you this.”

“He’s just a dog I’m sure he doesn’t mind. Now. You might be wondering why I’ve made a feast.”

“This wasn’t a ‘just because’ occasion?”

“No, course not. I have a question for you.” At Sirius’s nod, he continues. “We’ve been seeing each other for a while now and I know we’ve both been seeing other people-”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that we’ve both been going on other dates.”

“We? I haven’t.” 

“Oh… Well. It doesn’t matter now. Because I wanted to ask you if you’ll be my boyfriend?”

Sirius feels cold run down his spine. He doesn’t think that should be someones reaction to being asked a question like that. His mouth feels dry and Caradoc is looking at him expectantly and he doesn’t know how long it’s been. Clearing his throat, he responds. “Uhm. I’m flattered. But can I. Can I think about it? I’ll give you an answer by tonight, I promise.” 

Caradoc’s eyes shutter but the smile doesn’t move from his face. “Of course babe. Eat up.”

“Actually, I’m not that hungry and I think Padfoot is getting restless. I’m going to take him for a run around the park.”

Caradoc is still eating his breakfast when Sirius leaves.

‧₊˚✩  ☾  ✩˚₊‧

Approaching the park, Sirius isn’t even sure if Remus would be there but he thought it was worth a try. Remus had texted last night to check if they were on but Sirius hadn’t responded- had been too busy trying to fend Caradoc off.

He’s not there when he arrives so he lets Padfoot off the leash and sits down their usual bench. He wore the wrong shoes and the early morning dew has seeped through to his socks making them damp. Watching the sun play over the open field he reflects on the past few weeks. 

Caradoc began as a quick fix to the loneliness and rejection he was feeling and honestly went on far longer than he ever intended. Overall, he has been a fun time but there were some negative moments that tainted them. It feels obvious that his answer should be no. He hardly knew the guy. He glances across the park. But what if this was it? What if he didn’t get another chance. Another chance at love. 

Through the blinding morning light, Remus appears. He’s carrying two coffee cups that look empty and the knees of his jeans (the ones that make his ass look especially squishy) have mud on them. His beanie is askew over his disarrayed curls and Sirius thinks he looks like an angel. 

He takes a seat on the bench, further away than usual, and Sirius misses his warmth. Remus is always so warm, like it radiates out of him. The distance makes him feel awkward. 

“Hi Remus. How are you?”

“Good thank you. How are you?”

Their conversation is so dry he wishes that Remus hadn’t dropped their drinks. 

“I’m… Thinking.” He’s not sure how much he wants to share but he does know that Remus is the only person he wants to hear from right now. 

“About what?” Remus is picking his nail beds and it’s making them bleed. He wants to reach over to stop him but fears the contact would make him explode. Then Remus would be left to clear us his nails and Sirius’s flesh.

Sirius sits on his hands. 

“Caradoc asked me to be his boyfriend this morning.” In for a penny out for a pound he guesses. 

“How wonderful!” Sirius feels his smile falter. Was it wonderful? To be asked out by a man that kicked your dog around?. “...What did you say?”

“I said I would think about it. Then came here. Because I’m not sure what to say.” He wants Remus to make the decision for him. He wants Remus to beg him to say no. He wants to know that he’s worth something to someone. 

“Won’t you say yes? You’ve been seeing this guy for a while now.”

Sirius thinks about that. Did it matter how long you knew someone? His parents had been together since they were young and they were the most miserable people he ever had the displeasure of meeting. He had known Remus for 7 months at this point and he was one of the happiest, most pleasant person. Sirius wouldn’t become his parents.

“I have, but what if there was maybe something else? What if choosing one means losing the other?” Sirius is looking Remus in the eyes now, hoping that his message is getting through. Hoping that Remus knows he is the something else. 

“I think,” he starts slowly, “that you shouldn’t pass up something good. You deserve good things.”

Does he? Sirius doesn’t think so. He frowns and turns back to the field. Padfoot runs up to them and skids to a stop, accidentally running into Remus’s legs. He just chuckles and pets his head fondly. 

“So you think I should say yes.” At Remus’s nod he swallows and sturdies himself.  “Then I will be his boyfriend. And I will be happy.” He thinks if he says it enough it will stick. 

After that, Remus begins to pepper Sirius with questions about Caradoc, asking about his home, his favourite recipes and the nice things he’s done for Sirius. When he can’t come up with a quick answer for the last one, he frowns. Eventually, Remus stops with his questions and they both sit in awkward silence. It has never been awkward before. 

Remus pulls out his phone and must see something on his blank lock screen that Sirius doesn’t because he gets up, brushes off his pants and calls Snuffles over. 

“Well I best be off. Same time next week?” Remus looks so hopeful and Sirius is suddenly with a sense of anger, and it scares him. He’s never been angry at Remus and he can feel his mother sitting on his shoulder; a devil. Shaping his face into something that he knows is cold and distant, he barely spares Remus a glance before giving a reply that he knows is not true, but knows will hurt. 

“We’ll see. Caradoc might want to do something that day, to celebrate us being official.”

Remus leads Snuffles out of the park, and Sirius watches him walk away.

‧₊˚✩  ☾  ✩˚₊‧

When he returns home, Caradoc is still there, lying on the couch in Sirius’s bathrobe. He was really hoping that he would have been gone by now so he could let the tears that have been burning his eyes the entire walk home finally fall in peace. Instead, he is greeted by a smile that previously made him feel warm and wanted. Now it just makes him feel queasy and used. “Hey darling.” The pet name sounds like nails on a chalkboard. “Did you enjoy your walk?”

Looking around his flat, Sirius contemplates the answer. Did he enjoy it? No it made him sad and uncomfortable. But at the same time, it showed him quite clearly what his answer was going to be. Caradoc was never going to be the one that Sirius shared his meals with. His bed with. His stories with. And he abruptly feels so much older than he is. Because there was no point in seeing someone that Sirius didn’t picture a future with. When he looked ahead, it was not spiky brown hair on the pillow next to him, but golden curls. It was someone who matched his enthusiasm on his interests, not dismissed them. It was patient hands, not needy, grabbing ones. 

It was Remus.

And if it wasn’t going to be Remus then Sirius thought he at least owed it to himself to not keep shilling himself out to others who would never be what he wanted. James would be so proud of him.

So he turned to Caradoc, who was now sitting upright on Sirius’s cobalt blue sofa, wide eyes trained on him, awaiting an answer. 

“I had a very insightful walk.”

“And?”

“And I want you to take off my robe and leave.”

“Sirius, baby, what do you mean?”

“I mean that I don’t want to be your boyfriend. And I’m sorry that I’ve strung you along for all this time. But it’s not going to happen.” Sirius is proud of how steady his voice is. 

“But I don’t understand? We’re so compatible! Why don-”

“What’s my favourite TV show?” Sirius interrupts. 

Caradoc falters, clearly not expecting to be asked this but Sirius is suddenly desperate to hear the answer. “Who’s my favourite doctor? Which book do I recommend to everyone? What’s my goddamn favourite colour!”

His voice gradually rises the more he speaks. At the end of it, Caradoc sits there, mouth agape and wordless. “You can’t answer any of them?”

“No, but sweetie pie, I don’t see how any of this is relevant to you being my boyfriend.”

Sirius gives a humorless chuckle. “That’s exactly it. You just want a boyfriend. You just want a pretty thing to hang off your arm. You don’t want me .” His voice breaks on the final word. “And I have spent far too long tearing myself up for other peoples use.”

The tears begin to fall now and Caradoc moves across the room to hug him but Sirius quickly pulls away and goes behind the kitchen island, putting some space between them. Hurt flashes across his face and Sirius takes a moment to feel bad before turning around to make a cup of tea. He can hear Caradoc packing his things.

“Is it Remus?”

Sirius whirls around.

“That’s who you want?”

Figuring the damage has already been done, he nods.

“Lucky man. If it means anything, I think he wants you too.”

Sirius snorts. “He doesn't but thank you.”

Nodding, Caradoc gives him one last smile and turns away. Sirius is hit with a wave of sadness for the man who he had callously rejected, so he calls out to him. 

“Hey Caradoc? Have you ever met Benjy Fenwick?”

It begins to rain outside as Sirius sits down on the sofa, cup of tea in hand and robeless (it will be going through the wash thank you very much). There’s a knock at the door and Sirius assumes it’s just Caradoc coming back up for one last try. He ignores.

But at the second, more desperate pounding, Sirius rises just as it begins to truly bucket down.

It’s only a minute before he gets there but there is no one waiting for him on his porch. Instead, Remus is walking back down the street, a defeated slope to his shoulders. The door squeaks loudly, something Sirius had never got around to fixing, causing Remus to turn around. He feels defensive and crosses his arms over his chest. “What do you want?”

“I want you to say no to Caradoc.” Remus shouts, but it’s drowned out by the thunder. “I want you to say no to him and yes to me. I never want you to be with anyone else. I’m sorry I’m an idiot. But could I maybe be your idiot?” He wipes the water off his face and looks at Sirius with nothing but sincerity in his beautiful hazel eyes. 

“You are an idiot. I don’t know how much more obvious I could have been. I asked you to dinner! I practically begged you to tell me to say no to Caradoc!”

“Lily says I have the emotional intelligence of a watermelon.” Sirius nods at that. “But I’m working on it. I want to work on it for you. Since that first day at the shelter, everything has been for you.”

Leaving the safety of his stoop, he begins to slowly walk towards Remus. “Everything?”

Remus’s chest is rising and falling quicker now. “Everything.”

And he is just the most beautiful thing. Sirius places a hand in his hair and on his waist, holding him steady. Their lips are a breath apart. 

Sirius Black has kissed many people in his lifetime. Hidden ones behind the school greenhouses. Rushed ones in his childhood homes hallway. Wet, dry, sharp ones at the club. 

But none of them compare to kissing Remus Lupin. 

Sirius only has to lower his head slightly and there are pillow soft lips against his. A buzzing he didn’t even know he had is silenced in his head. For once, he isn’t already planning how he is going to get the bloke off, or counting down the minutes until he can leave. For once, he is losing himself in another person and feeling entirely safe. Remus tightens his hands in his hair and Sirius lets a little moan slip through. 

The rain is nothing more than a sprinkle down his back with how invincible he feels, but the wave of water that crashes down on them suddenly is enough to rip him away. 

Drawing in a breath, he looks down the street to see Caradoc’s car driving away down the puddle lined street. Sirius can hardly blame him and bellows a laugh, high off the feeling of Remus in his arms and choosing himself for once. He ushers Remus inside, seeing the perfect excuse to finally see what he hides under those baggy jumpers of his. 

He lets Remus take the first shower to warm up and then dresses him in his coziest sweats. When Sirius walks into the lounge after his, it’s to Remus curled up in his armchair, reading a book he grabbed off the shelf. He looks so snug and domestic, Sirius has to take a moment to lean against the doorframe and take him in. A soft smile plays on his lips as Remus looks up and blushes under his gaze. He stands up to meet Sirius in another soft kiss before pulling him down onto the armchair. It is far to small for the both of them to fit but Sirius relishes in the closeness.

They lapse into silence but Sirius can tell there is something bothering Remus. He keeps shifting until he takes a deep breath and speaks. “Why did you always look so happy talking about Caradoc if you were never interested in him?”

The question caught him off guard but he thought that Remus deserved to know. If it was true what Remus said, that he had liked him from the moment they met, then he must’ve felt jarred by everything. 

“He was a nice guy.” Remus snorted. “No really, I enjoyed the date. And he was pleasant enough to be around. But I never had true feelings for him. I guess it was nice to be pursued…”

The look on Remus’s face tells him that he feels guilty and that was not Sirius’s intention.  “No, no I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just, the day he came into the shelter I was having quite a pathetic pining day. I felt like you had just rejected me. You may even call it a Sirius Black pity party. And then he came in and made a move. I guess I was just feeling vulnerable and he stopped that for a moment. I told you about the date to make you jealous.”

“It worked. But what about the dinner? You were radiating joy the whole time.”

He whips his head around and jostles Remus. “Moony,” he says emphatically, “I was happy because it was our first time eating as a group; us, James and Lily. The whole time, I couldn’t help but imagine a future filled with double dates like that. Honestly, Caradoc being there had little to do with it, as bad as that sounds.”

Remus snickers. “You know, I do feel bad for the guy.”

“I get it, but don’t feel too bad. I have an old school friend, Benjy, who I think is a much better pairing for him. He can take him and I get you. Everyone’s a winner. Although, I definitely got first prize.”

The look that comes over Remus almost tears Sirius in two. The sweet kiss that follows sews it back together. 

‧₊˚✩  ☾  ✩˚₊‧

They fall into an easy rhythm over the next week. Sirius’s heart still skips when he sees Remus’s name on his phone, only now it happens far more than before. Remus comes around to his on Tuesday night and they indulge in a takeaway and cuddles on the couch before rolling into bed together. Sirius doesn’t feel any pressure with Remus, instead an urge to feel closer to him. 

When he wakes in the morning, it’s to Remus curled up in his arms, his early morning alarm waking them both, but Sirius can’t bring himself to care. He would stay awake all night if it meant he got to witness Remus flopping around getting ready, looking like a disgruntled cat. As he kisses Sirius goodbye before heading to work he is struck by the homeliness of it all. 

Sirius crawls back into bed, grateful for his day off to bask in all this, and grabs the latest Doctor Who comic off his side table. Remus had bought it over last night and it made Sirius feel so seen and so loved that he almost couldn’t handle it. 

On Saturday morning he will wake with Remus in his arms once again, but this time under a heavy quilt made by Remus’s mum. There won’t be a rush to get to the park, no meticulous hair combing, because Remus has already seen his bed hair and didn’t gone running for the hills. Padfoot and Snuffles will lie at the base of the bed, intertwined not much unlike their owners. 

And when Sirius had woken up sometime the night before, a nightmare, something he doesn’t get to often these days, Remus hadn’t prodded. Hadn’t asked any invasive questions at all actually. Sirius felt assured, for once, that someone was with him just to be with him . Remus had just kissed his forehead and pulled him back below the covers, in the safe cocoon of his bed.   

Sirius Black had always wished to be an ordinary man. But here, supported by Remus’s pillow, soft morning light streaming through the gap in the curtains, and a hand gently running through his curls, he sure is beginning to feel like one.