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Published:
2025-02-16
Updated:
2025-08-18
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Epic the Musical but replaced with youtubers

Summary:

Sooo... I just replaced Epic the Musical with youtubers! Probably gonna do 1 chapter per day

Edit: New update schedule, 1 chapter every 2 days with a 5 day buffer between sagas (Except this and the cyclops saga) to prevent the AO3 curse from befalling me again

Chapter 1: The Horse and the Infant

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Alright my brothers listen closely.

R4t stands as he speaks to his crew within the giant wooden horse they were hiding in

Tonight we make the Trojans pay.

R4t walks around the wooden horse's interior, speaking to his crew with a confident and calculated voice

10 years of war they killed us slowly,

R4t waves his torch above his head, the rest of the crew imagining the war in the fires

But now we'll be the ones who slay!

The crew starts getting excited, antsy to start killing the trojans

Think of your wives and your children
your families wonder where you've been
their growing old and yet your still here
do what I say and you'll see them again!

Yes Sir!

R4t turns back to the rest of the crew, and starts giving the orders

Clownpierce will lead the charge!
Blockfacts will flank the guards!
Diansu will let our mates through the gates and take the whole city at large!
Ashswag will shoot any ambush attack, and little Princezam will stay back
Eight, secure Amy and protect her,
Squiddo, avenge your father kill the brothers of Mithzan

R4t finishes giving instructions and the crew starts getting out of the wooden horse

Yes sir!

Find your inner strengh now! (whoo!)
Use that well of pride (whoo!)
Fight through every pain now (whoo!)
Ask yourself inside

What do you live for? What do you try for?
What do you wish for? What do you fight for?
(What do you live for? What do you try for?)
(What do you wish for? What do you fight for?)

R4t thinks about his family back at Ithaca

Astronyu,
Astronyu,
And Luxintrus!
I fight for us,
I fight for us,

(What do you live for?) Astronyu
(What do you try for?) Luxintrus
(What do you wish for?) I'm on my way
(What do you fight for?) Attack!

The battle plays out, and many trojans die. R4t starts to climb the castle wall and when he reaches the top...

AGHH!

R4t stumbles backward after seemingly getting attacked by an unkown person

Who was that?

R4t questions as the silhouette disappears, revealing that it didn't leave any wound

A vision
Of what is to come, cannot be outrun
Can only be dealt with right here and now

R4t turns around, only to see the king of gods, XD, standing right behind him

A vision
Of what is to come, cannot be outrun
Can only be dealt with right here and now

R4t takes a step back for a second, before regaining more confidence

Tell me how

I don't think you're ready

XD starts leading R4t deeper into the castle, leading him to whatever enemy he might have to face

A mission to kill someone's son
A foe who won't run
Unlike anyone you have faced before
Say no more
I know that I'm ready
(I don't think you're ready)

XD and R4t enter the room where the enemy supposedly is, and R4t suddenly takes a step back in shock

It's just an infant
It's just a boy
What sort of imminent threat does he pose, that I cannot avoid?

R4t walks forward into the room again, approaching a crib containing a small child

This is the son of none other than Troy's very own Prince Mithzan
Know that he will grow from a boy to an avenger
One fueled with rage as you're consumed by age
If you don't end him now, you'll have no one left to save
You can say goodbye to (Penelope)
You can say goodbye to (Penelope)

R4t begins crying, wondering if there is any way he will be able to stop XD from forcing him to kill this innocent child, R4t decides to plead to be able to spare the child

I could raise him as my own (he will burn your house and throne)
Or send him far away from home (he'll find you wherever you go)
Make sure his past is never known (the gods will make him know)
I'd rather bleed for ya (he's bringing you)
Down on my knees for ya
I'm begging please (oh, this is the will of the gods)

R4t is full on sobbing now, looking down at the child in the crib.

Please don't make me do this, don't make me do this

R4t pleads one last time, desperate to save the small child

The blood on your hands is something you won't lose
All you can choose is whose

XD disappears, leaving R4t with only one option.

Notes:

Soo... how did ya'll like the first chapter?

Chapter 2: Just a Man

Notes:

R4t yeets a baby off a wall

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

I look into your eyes
And I think back to the son of mine

R4t picks the baby up from the crib and cradles it in their arms, tears pricking at the edge of their eyes

You're as old as he was when I left for war

R4t thinks back to a simpler time, when he and Astronyu were sitting on the balcony, Astronyu gently rocking their child in her arms

Will these actions haunt my days?
Every man I've slain
Is the price I pay, endless pain

R4t takes out a knife and holds it over the child, and the child curiously reaches out for the knife thinking it's a toy

Close your eyes and spare yourself the view
How could I hurt you?

R4t puts his hand over the child's face, but then turns away, guilt overcoming him

I'm just a man who's trying to go home
Even after all the years away from what I've known
I'm just a man who's fighting for his life
Deep down, I would trade the world to see my son and wife
I'm just a man

R4t suddenly takes a hold on the child's swaddle, the child looking surprised from the sudden movement

But when does the comet become a meteor?
When does a candle become a blaze?
When does a man become a monster?
When does a ripple become a tidal wave?
When does the reason become the blame?
When does a man become a monster?

R4t walks out onto the wall of the castle, holding the infant above the edge while the infant looks down in unknowing curiosity

Forgive me
(When does a man become a monster?) Forgive me
(When does a man become a monster?) Forgive me

The crowd of people that was the crew looked up to where R4t was standing

I'm just a man

R4t drops the infant, it's body and insides splatting on the ground, the rest of the crew looking on in horror

Notes:

This is literally only my second fic I am so excited

Chapter 3: Full Speed Ahead

Notes:

SURPRISE B*TCHES! MORNING CHAPTER!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Six hundred men
Six hundred men under my command
With only one goal in mind
Make it back alive to our homeland

The crew thinks about home and their families

Six hundred men, six hundred miles of open sea
But the problem's not the distance
It's what lies in between

There may be storms and rough water, but R4t and his crew know they will get home together

And Ithaca's waiting, Ithaca's waiting
My kingdom is waiting (the kingdom is waiting)
Penelope's waiting for me
So full speed ahead, full speed ahead

They sail through open water, basking in their victory until eventually their food stores get low
A new face walks up behind R4t

Captain, Winsweep
Six hundred men, six hundred men
Six hundred men with big mouths to feed
And we've run out of supplies to eat
Curse the war, our food store's depleted

Winsweep points out a bunch of empty barrels in the back of the ship

Six hundred men (six hundred men)
Six hundred reasons to take what we can
So captain, what's the plan?
Captain, what's the plan?

R4t searches and ponders for a bit before pointing at a flock of birds

Watch where the birds fly (watch where the birds fly)
They will lead us to land (they will lead us to land)
There we'll hunt for food, my second in command
Now full speed ahead, full speed ahead

Winsweep turns to the rest of the crew and gives the order to move

We're up, we're off, and away we go
We're up, we're off, and away we go
We're up, we're off, and away we go

Another new face appears from the right

Captain

Talon!

Talon points at the horizon, revealing a mysterious island in the distance

Look! There in the distance, I see an island
I see a light that faintly glows
Maybe they're people lighting a fire
Maybe they'll share some food, who knows?

Talon leans over the edge of the ship, excitedly pointing at the glow emanating from the middle of the island
R4t however, seems skeptical

Something feels off here
I see fire but there's no smoke

Winsweep comes back up to the other side of R4t

I say we strike first
We don't have time to waste
So let's raid the place and

R4t suddenly silences Winsweep with a hand over his mouth

No
Talon gear up, you and I'll go ahead

R4t starts gathering supplies for the expedition and Talon follows close behind

You and I'll go ahead

We should try to find a way no one ends up dead

Winsweep follows too, trying to convince them otherwise

We don't know what's ahead

R4t turns around and talks to Winsweep

Give me 'til sunrise, and if we don't return
Then six hundred men can make this whole place burn
Now full speed ahead

Winsweep nods and begrudingly turns to give the order

Full speed ahead
Full speed ahead

The crew starts rowing towards the island

We're up, we're off, and away we go
We're up, we're off, and away we go
Full speed ahead (we're up, we're off, and away we go)
We're up, we're off, and a
Full speed ahead

Notes:

Winsweep eventually betraying R4t is a cannon event

Chapter 4: Open Arms

Summary:

Talon is a ball of fluff for a whole chapter

Notes:

SURPRISE DOUBLE UPLOAD

Chapter Text

Talon puts their hand on R4t's shoulder

You can relax, my friend

R4t turns his head back to Talon, looking surprised

Huh?

Talon meanders in front of R4t

I can tell you're getting nervous
So do yourself a service
And try to relax, my friend

Talon flings out his arms as he starts walking on a branch above the river

I'm fine, Polites

R4t calmly puts his hand on Talon's shoulder

Think of all that we have been through
We'll survive what we get into

Talon leaps onto the middle of the branch, carrying r4t with him

I know that you're tired of the war and bloodshed
Tell me, is this how we're supposed to live?
Look at how you grip your sword, enough said
Why should we take when we could give?
You could show a person that you trust them
When you stop and lower your guard
Here we have a chance for some adjustment
Give it a try, it's not that hard

Talon throws R4ts sword into the water

I'm telling you

R4t tries to grab his sword from midair, tipping him and Talon off the branch and into the water

This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms
Whatever we face, we'll be fine if we're leading from the heart
No matter the place, we can light up the world, here's how to start

R4t climbs out of the river with Talon and his sword in tow

Greet the world with open arms
Greet the world with open arms

Welcome

Many eyes appear from the darkness, surrounding the two best friends

Stay back (stay back)

R4t is surprised at the gnome looking figures repeating his words

My friend, greet the world with open arms

Talon attempts to calm R4t down

We're only here for food (food)
Six hundred friends are waiting for us to show our faces (food)
Stay back, I'm warning you (food! Nom nom nom)
If we don't get back safely
My men will turn this place into blazes (here you go)

The purple eyed gnome like figures offer R4t and Talon a basket of purple and black fruit
Talon's face brightens in excitement

See?

Talon starts dancing around the group

This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms
Whatever we face, we'll be fine if we're leading from the heart
No matter the place, we can light up the world, here's how to start
Greet the world with open arms
Greet the world with open arms

R4t grabs Talon's arm

My friend, I wish that I could say that I agree
But look at the way this fruit is glowing and filled with glowing seeds

Talon looks down at the split fruit R4t is holding and sees the glowing sickly purple seeds inside

It took me a while to notice just what kind of fruit they eat
It's a lotus, it controls your mind and never lets you free

R4t starts walking away in disappointment

That's what we'd get with open arms

Talon turns back to the gnomes like figures and begins talking to them again

Lotus eaters
I'd like to show my friend that kindness is brave
Could you tell me where there's other food to eat?

The cave! (scary cave)

Talon doesn't hear the smallest of the pack call the cave scary

A cave!
You're saying there's a cave where we could feast?
And where do we sail to find this food-filled cave?
(East, that way)
Thank you!
(Welcome)

Talon turns triumphantly back to R4t
This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms
I see in your face, there is so much guilt inside your heart
So why not replace it and light up the world, here's how to start
Greet the world with open arms
Greet the world with open arms

R4t cracks a small smile

Greet the world with open arms

Talon squish-hugs R4t

You can relax, my friend

Chapter 5: A/N

Chapter Text

I'm not gonna be updating for a while

I will tell you what happened next time I update but for now just know I got the AO3 author curse

Chapter 6: Warrior of the Mind

Summary:

We meet the player of Athena finally

Notes:

Heeyyy! I'm back! So here's what happened:

Well at first I was having a small bout of writers block and decided to take a break, but then my dad lost his job. It was fine at first, he's lost his job before but this time was a bit different, he lost his job because he was slacking or something instead of just layoffs or covid. My dad got depression after that and had to go to the mental hospital, which I started spiraling a bit over, and then I started spiraling even more when my mom decided to break up with my dad and then I found out we were moving again in the summer.

Soooo... that's why I have been gone for so long, but now I'm back, my new updating schedule is gonna be every other day with a 5 day buffer between sagas (except this and the cyclops saga) to protect from the AO3 author curse cus I think that's what happened!

Anyway, enjoy the new chapter!

Chapter Text

*The background turns a bright pink and white and a new figure flies on screen.*

Have you forgotten the lessons I taught you?

*R4t looks around confused for a second before seeing the figure and then smiles*

Folly!

*Folly lands in front of R4t*

Have you forgotten to turn off your heart? This is not you
I see you changing from how I've designed you
Have you forgotten your purpose? Let me remind you

*Folly throws R4t into the past, straight into a tree*
*Folly chuckles a bit*

Goddess of wisdom, master of war
My life has one mission, create the greatest warrior

*Folly picks R4t up and jumps into a higher tree with R4t*

I had a challenge, a test of skill
A magic boar only the best could kill
One day a boy came for the thrill
A boy whose mind rivalled the boar's own will

*A young R4t, Winsweep, and Talon leap into the frame going up against the boar*

Let's go!

*Folly begins flying R4t around the battle while young R4t and his friends attempt to capture the boar*

Maybe one day he'll follow me
And we'll make a greater tomorrow, then they'll see
I know he'll change the world 'cause he is a warrior of the mind

*Young R4t stabs the boar in the chest while young Win and young Talon hold the ropes down*

Maybe one day I'll reach him
And we can build his skills as I teach him
If there's a problem, he'll have the answer
He is a warrior of the mind

*A younger Folly appears in rat form on a lower down tree*

Show yourself
I know you're watching me, show yourself
I can see you

*The younger Folly looks surprised and turns from full R4t into humanoid*

How can you see through my spell?

Haha! I was lying and you fell for my bluff
Haha, haha

*Young Folly rolls her eyes before turning back to R4t*

Well done, you lied to me, what's your name?

You first, and maybe I'll do the same

Nice try, but two can play this game

Nah, don't be modest
I know you're a goddess
So let's be honest
You are Athena (Athena)
Badass in the arena
Unmatched, witty, and queen of the best strategies we've seen

*The young Folly jumps up and starts flying*

If you're looking for a mentor, I'll make sure your time's well spent

Sounds like a plan
Goddess and man
Bestest of friends

*Young R4t extends his hand to Young Folly but she turns away, leaving him hanging.*

We'll see where it ends

Okay

*Present day Folly picks up present day R4t again and flies up with him*

Maybe one day they'll follow me and we'll
Make a greater tomorrow, then they'll see
I know we'll change the world 'cause we are the warriors of the mind

*Folly puts R4t down and creates a course for him to go through, and R4t jumps through it, breaking and forming chunks to his needs to get around, Folly flies around watching him the whole time.*

Maybe one day we'll reach them
And we can build their skills as we teach them
If there's a problem, we'll have the answer
We are the warriors of the mind

*R4t lands at the end of the course, and the vision ends, turning back into a pink background with Folly standing there.*

I still intend to make sure you don't fall behind
Don't forget that you're a warrior of a very special kind
You are a warrior of the mind
Don't disappoint me

*Folly vanishes and R4t sees Talon, picking apples from a nearby tree, and R4t joins him in picking apples before both go back to the boat.*

Chapter 7: Polyphemus

Summary:

Doctor4t murders a sheep Cod? and then almost gets murdered himself.

Notes:

So I m a a y y have replaced some characters with characters that have a diff fave animal (Folly=rats, not owls)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

R4t and his crew enter a water filled cave with a small corner island full of fruit and a bunch of fish, specifically cod, in the waters

R4t shoots one of the cod with a specialized crossbow

Over here!

Talon steps in after him

Look at all this food, look at all these sheep
I can't believe this cave has all this for us to keep

Winsweep steps in after them both and takes a look around

I've gotta hand it to you both, this is quite the treat There are enough sheep here to feed the entire fleet

Winsweep turns to R4t, who has a thoughtful, yet suspicious look on his face

It's almost too perfect, too good to be true Why would the lotus eaters pass up on all this food?

A giant humanoid cod with only one eye swims up from a nearby cave offshoot, but R4t and the others don't notice them until..

Who are you?

R4t and the others look up before backing away in horror upon seeing the giant before them

R4t starts talking to the giant nervously

Hey there
We're just travelers
We come in peace

The giant raises their head and R4t's face contorts in terror

You killed my sheep, my favoritе sheep
What gives you the right to deal a pain so deep?
Don't you know that pain you sow is pain you rеap?

Some members of R4ts crew swim behind random rocks, and a few sneak out the entrance

Time to drink your blood over where you stand
Your life now is in my hand
Before I'm done, you will learn that it's not so fun to take
You came to my home to steal
But now you'll become my meal
A trade, you see? Take from you like you took from me

R4t looks around nervously trying to come up with a plan when suddenly he is pulled into quick thought and Folly appears before him

R4t, you can do this, just try to think of a plan to get out, and think of a way to kill him if that doesn't work.

R4t nods his head

Ok.

The quick thought ends and R4t looks up again

There's been a misunderstanding
We never came here to steal
But now that I see we've done some damage
Maybe you and I can make a deal
I'll give you our finest treasure, so long as we leave alive
You can keep the world's best tasting wine

R4t silently slips some Lotus into the wine while it is thinking

Wine?

R4t nods before realizing that the giant probably couldn't see the nod and then speaks again

Have a drink
One sip and you'll understand
The power that's in your hands
A wine so fresh, you'd never wanna eat human flesh again
Then we shall be on our way, no bloodshed in here today
A trade, you see? A gift from you and a gift from me

R4t's crew bring the giant barrel of wine forward from the middle of the crowd where R4t is

The giant takes the wine from the crew and drinks it all in one chug

Ah, I'd like to thank you
Stranger, what's your name?

Knowing that the giant couldn't see him, R4t smile cunningly

My name is Nobody, Nooobody, Nooooooobody

The giant nods

Nobody, for your gift I've one to reply

I'm so glad we see eye to eye

The giant gives a smile while R4t is talking to the rest of his crew

Yes, you shall be the final man to die

R4t turns back to the giant in horror

What?

The giant picks up a huge bolder and hurls it at the entrance to the cave

Watch out!

The crew scatters

Notes:

I'm learning how to use italics and other html format

Also If any of you are willing I would like to see an animation for this (Not good at drawing or animating myself)

Chapter 8: Survive

Summary:

R4t and his crew try to fight off a giant cod, but some of them won't make it out alive...

Notes:

Sorry it's been so long, we have been doing the showings for the move and we've only just got an offer, add onto that with a bad case of exams/keystones, big projects, and writers block, and you've got yourselves a very late chapter

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The boulder hits the cave entrance, blocking the crew inside

SOL-I-DAR-ITY

The giant roars

SOL-I-DAR-ITY

R4t hops on a rock and starts giving commands

My brothers
The rest of our fleet, they wait at the beach
And if we're defeated, they're good as dead
Straight ahead, that is who we're fighting

SOL
I
DAR
ITY

No backup, no chance for support
So draw out your swords
Our foe must be thwarted right here and now
Show me, how great is your will to survive?

The crew swims through the water and jumps on the rocks to attack the giant

Six hundred lives at stake, it's just one life to take
And when we kill him, then our journey's over
No dying on me now, defeat is not allowed
We must live through this day
So fight, fight, fight

Squiddo, Ash, Zam, and Block shoot from the far rocks and Ash hits the giant in the leg

Surround him (Surround him)
Attack from behind, keep distance in mind
And stay in his blindspot and strike his heels
Strike the heels
Show him that we're deadly (Ha, ha)

Diansu attempts to electrocute the giant but Eight stops him before he accidentally electrocutes the water

Exhaust him (Exhaust him)
Don't let him get close, he's strong but he's slow
He can't land a blow if we're out of reach
Find a breach
Stand up and fight for your lives

Clownpierce slashes at the giant's ankles with his sword

Six hundred lives at stake, it's just one life to take
And when we kill him, then our journey's over

R4t gets up on a vantage point behind the giant

Push forward!

R4t jumps from his vantage point and slashes the giant with his sword, landing on a rock at the other side of the cave.

No dying on us now, defeat is not allowed
We must live through this day
So fight, fight, fight!

The battle rages onward as Talon heals injured crewmates in the background

The giant brings out a club from a hidden crevice and brings it down on Talon, causing all the fighting to stop as they look at the wounded Talon.

Captain...

Talon reaches out for R4t as he dies, R4t stands still, horrified and confused

Enough.

He's got a club, he's got a club!

The soldier, Zombie, along with a few other soldiers, get hit with the club and die.

What are our orders?
Captain, Captai—

Void and a few other soldiers on the other side of the room are hit with the club and die

R4t continues to stand still, grief stricken and confused

You've hurt me enough.
Six hundred lives I'll take, six hundred lives I'll break
And when I kill you, then my pain is over

More soldiers screams are heard and deaths are brought

You're dying here and now, escape is not allowed
You won't live through this day, now die, di-i-i—

Solidarity falls unconscious and crashes to the ground.

Notes:

Talon becomes one with pancake

Chapter 9: Remember them

Summary:

The fish loses his sight and Folly gets mad

Notes:

Sorry im so late, it's been crazy with the move and all

Anyway enjoy!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

R4t looks at the dead Talon in horror

Captain.
Captain?
Captain!

R4t quickly grabs Talon's glasses and headband before turning to look up at his crew

We must move quickly
We don't have much time
He didn't notice I mixed lotus in his wine

R4t looks at the titan cod as he says this

Mark my words now
This is not the end

But captain, what'll we do with our fallen friends?

Winsweep looks around at all the fallen soldiers and friends

Remember them
When the fire begins to fade
For the fallen and afraid
We are not to let them die in vain

R4t leaps up on a nearby rock

Remember them
We're the ones who carry on
The flames of those who've gone
And our comrades will not die in vain

R4t points to the club that Solidarity dropped

I need all our hands on his club
This is how we're getting out of here
Use your swords to sharpen the stub
And turn it to a giant spear!

(Let's kill him)

R4t shakes his head

His body is blocking the path
If we kill him we'll be stuck inside

Captain, where do we attack him?

We gotta stab him in the eye!

R4t points at Solidarity's eye

Yes sir!

The crew salutes R4t and goes to start sharpening the club

Remember them
When the fire begins to fade

The crew finishes sharpening the club

For the fallen and afraid
We are not to let them die in vain

The crew starts lifting the club turned spear up to Solidarity's eye

Remember them
We're the ones who carry on

The crew finishes lifting the spear up

The flames of those who've gone
And our comrades will not die in vain
Now.

The crew ram the spear right into Solidarity's eye

RAHHHHH

Solidarity screams out in pain

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa

Scatter!

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa

The crew all start leaping between rocks while Solidarity swims over to a nearby offshoot and sits down

Multiple eyes start appearing in the cave offshoot

Who hurts you?

There are more of them?

Winsweep looks at Doctor4t in fear

Who hurts you?

more eyes appear out of the cave

Hide

All the remaining crew gets behind the nearby rocks

Who hurts you?

even more eyes appear out of the darkness as Winsweep and the crew stare in horror

Captain we should run

Wait

R4t stares in anticipation

Who hurts you?

the cave offshoot is almost entirely filled with eyes at this point

Captain please

Wait

R4t holds out a hand to stop Winsweep from running

It was Nobody Nobody

If nobody hurts you be silent.

Don't go!

Winsweep looks relieved as the eyes disappear

Let's grab the sheep and away we go

Folly suddenly pulls R4t into quick thought as they are leaving

Have you forgotten the lessons I taught you?
He's still a threat until he's dead!

Finish it.

R4t looks up at Folly with regret and boldness on his face

No

No?

Folly looks confused and worried for her students sanity

What good would killing do
When mercy is a skill
More of this world could learn to use?

R4t holds out Talon's glasses for Folly to see

My friend is dead.
Our foe is blind.
The blood we shed
It never dries.
Is this what it means to be a Warrior of the Mind?!

R4t turns and walks away

Folly realizes what R4t is about to do and yells after him

DONT!

Hey, Cod king!

Solidarity turns and walks out of the cave, wondering where that voice is coming from

When we met I led with peace
While you fed your inner beast
But my comrades will not die in vain

Solidarity realizes that the voice is coming from the person that blinded him and growls in anger

Remember them
The next time that you dare choose not to spare
Remember them
Remember us
Remember me

R4t holds his sword up high while the rest of the crew is wondering what he is doing

I'm the reigning king of Ithaca!
I am neither man nor mythical!
I am your darkest moment!
I am the infamous...
Doctor4t!

R4t turns and walks onto the ships with his crew while Solidarity smiles menacingly from the cliff

Notes:

Folly angy :3