Work Text:
“Daeyoung, hold me.”
Huh? Daeyoung who was still catching his breath turned his head then followed with his body to the side facing Yushi.
Yushi looked at him with expectant yet anxious eyes. But, why did you look so gloomy and sad? This was unfair to Daeyoung who was the one being in so much pain from his waist down to his thigh.
However, Daeyoung complied almost immediately. When he was about to wrap his hand on Yushi's waist, Yushi suddenly turned his body to the side. So only the back of his head and his sweaty back facing Daeyoung.
“Why do you want me to suddenly hold you like this, hyung?” Daeyoung eventually asked. But, there was no answer. Did Yushi hyung fall asleep already? That was fast.
Daeyoung rested his chin on top of Yushi's broad shoulder. He was reminiscing about the two years and half they spent together. After being together for so many years, maybe this was the first time Yushi acted strangely spoiled, asking to be hold, when he was always the only one who was eager to be the one being the big spoon even though he was so much smaller than Daeyoung in terms of height.
Yushi would always stroked his waist and whispered all those genuinely worried questions, such as: did he hurt him? Did his waist hurt so much? Did he want to drink warm water? Or should he help him wash his body with warm soaked towel? Daeyoung always felt loved every time Yushi acted like that, no, most of the time Daeyoung had felt like he was the luckiest person to be alive to be by Yushi's side.
Sometimes he wondered how he could be by Yushi's side like this? Was he worthy enough to be with Yushi? He remembered those times when he was so in dilemma after realising that he had romantic feelings towards Yushi who he had thought was only as a close Japanese older brother to him.
It was when Daeyoung occasionally worked with Yushi that he realised familiarity soon bloomed into love.
Daeyoung was a soloist, an indie singer & producer, he worked under a small company being his own lyricist and produced his own songs. Mostly it was all ballad. A genre where Daeyoung was very proud of and confident, because he thought it was a genre that suit him so much.
So how did he work for Yushi?
Yushi was a member of a Japanese group under SM entertainment, in his 3rd year of being an idol, he became an actor. At first, he only stared in some web dramas, but due to his looks and talent in acting, he soon secured himself a position of a main character in some dramas. That was the beginning of how the two of them met.
Yushi was asked to sing an OST for his own upcoming drama about him having a one sided crush to his long term best friend only for her to marry yushi's other best friend. It was an adaptation from one of the best selling novel.
Daeyoung had sent one of his drafts to the producer of the drama. He had written the lyrics sincerely and meticulously, he thought this was like a dream came true to him to have an opportunity like this so he didn't want to miss this chance. He also hoped his song got chosen at the end.
In fact, he did watch Yushi's dramas even from when Yushi was a rookie in acting and after analysing the whole story, Daeyoung wrote the lyrics while thinking about Yushi. Strangely his heart ached so much imagining Yushi having his heart broken because of his unrequited love.
And soon, someone from the production team of that drama contacted Daeyoung saying that his song got chosen in the end. He was way too happy, he even celebrated the good news with some people in his small company. But then they realised the studio in the company was so small that even the CEO doubted if it was presentable for a new rising actor and idol to record the OST there so the CEO contacted SM instead. So when Yushi was scheduled to record it, Daeyoung came to SM company building instead of Yushi came to his small studio.
The greetings the two of the exchanged when they first met in person was awkward, but Yushi eased the tension first by praising Daeyoung's vocal and the way he wrote the lyrics in the demo he had heard some days before. Daeyoung was so thankful that a popular idol and actor praised him for his voice and song. It gave him this ticklish feeling in his abdomen, something Daeyoung didn't quiet understand back then.
Ah, not only that, Yushi even said he had watched some cover songs that Daeyoung uploaded on his personal YouTube channel. The ticklish feeling soon seemed to come up to his chest causing his heart to tremble slightly.
“You saw it?!” Daeyoung made a surprised face. Yushi chuckled as if he really liked Daeyoung's response showing Daeyoung the wrinkles on his cheeks that looked like cat's whiskers. Daeyoung felt his heart skipped a bit back then, but he thought it was because he was so excited to hear the finalized song that he ended up not getting a single sleep last night.
“Yeah, what Daeyoung sing somehow sounds so much better than the original.” Yushi teased him. Daeyoung blushed profusely at that and kept shaking his head embarrassedly.
Before Daeyoung knew it, the conversation went so smoothly between the two of them. Some people said it was hard to get ckose to Yushi because he gave out such a cold aura and he had a calm demeanor, too, but as if it was natural for the two of them, they grew so much closer in a very short time.
The late night they spent at Daeyoung's small studio for Yushi's other OST in the drama soon turned to the date they spent together at the café and even at each other's apartment.
The ticklish feeling and the trembling heart Daeyoung had before, too, soon turned into something that really made him uncomfortable. He was so uncomfortable as if something from his chest asked him to take it out and bring it to Yushi. Though he didn't properly understand the feelings he experienced for the first time, he had a feeling this was love.
So, Daeyoung braced himself back then. Confessing his feelings under the streetlight in from of Daeyoung's studio. It came out from his own mouth with difficulty and as if he was afraif of getting the rejection from Yushi, instead of asking if they could start dating soon, Daeyoung asked Yushi to allow him to love him. Yushi smiled beautifully back then and it was him to suggest they started dating in secret away from the public's eyes and medias.
“Daeyoung, hold me....” Yushi slurred voice was heard and brought Daeyoung back to the reality. He just realised the grips of his arm around Yushi's hand had loosen so he came closer and snuggled close to Yushi.
Daeyoung had—without hesitation—held Yushi. Because how could he ever deny Yushi anything?
It should have been back then when Daeyoung realised—Yushi had never asked him to hold on.
Only to hold him.
Just for a little while.
After their last time spending the night together at Daeyoung's apartment, Daeyoung suddenly lost contact of Yushi. He thought Yushi was just busy with his drama shooting and group's schedule but it has been about almost three weeks since then and Daeyoung has realised that some of Yushi's belongings in his apartment had disappeared. His blue toothbrush, his cat patterned pajamas, his slippers, everything, it's as if Yushi had left him without any trace. It makes Daeyoung grows even more worried.
Daeyoung planned to go to SM but it is a bit far from his studio and apartment. So he pushed back his plan, assuring himself that Yushi would eventually contact him. But, now there is still no contact from Yushi. So, Daeyoung decides that he really is going to SM in hope he can meet him there even if Yushi has a schedule there.
On his way there, Daeyoung waits for a bus at the bus stops. Lots of people strangely are chattering amongst themselves as if there is a really hot topic among them, however Daeyoung doesn't really pay any mind. His priority is to ensure that Yushi is alright and that nothing happens to him and maybe he can tell himself that Yushi only gets a lot busier, he doesn't intend to abandon Daeyoung.
However upon arriving at the company Yushi work at, what greets Daeyoung are some reporters waiting outside of the building. Then soon, a mask man with about five bodyguards and one manager come out from the building. Daeyoung eyes sparkle recognising his love even from afar, for the first time he feels really grateful for having a 180cm tall body.
When Daeyoung is about to get closer to the crowd, the reports push his body away and starts crowding around Yushi.
“Ouch!” Daeyoung winches in pain.
Before long, he hears the commotion from the reporters.
“Yushi-ssi, is it true?!”
“Is it true that you will marry Kang PD's youngest daughter?!”
“Did you date before?!”
“Yushi-ssi, please say a word to clarify this!”
Yushi hyung? Getting married? To whom? Thoughts are running fast and wild inside Daeyoung's mind that he suddenly forgets his pain. He recalls the event from their last time spending the night together, he didn't remember Yushi ever propose to him. He didn't even see any ring box when he cleaned the whole apartment this morning. Even though he is the youngest in his family, he is not even Kang PD's child let alone his daughter. If it's not to him then who will Yushi get married to?
Daeyoung comes back to his studio staggeringly. If this was a dream, he really needed a way to end this nightmare. But why is the time continues to move slowly? Weirdly the two years and half they spent together comes continuously like a flashing memories in his mind.
He thinks he just hears Yushi's voice of him saying tons of 'i love you's echoes inside his mind. If Japanese people finds it hard to say those three words because it carries lots of weights than 'i like you's, then why did Yushi easily say it to him? Was it because Yushi is an actor that the lines he didn't mean can come out naturally from his mouth? Why...
Before Daeyoung could even debate with himself, his phone vibrates. It is a message from his own manager.
‘Daeyoung-ah, Kang PD invites you to be the singer of his youngest daughter's wedding. He said she is your biggest fan. What a small world, she will get married to Yushi who was once your biggest fan too!’.
Right, Yushi was once his biggest fan... He now recallss when the two of them fight because of the lyrics that Daeyoung made before.
Yushi who had claimed that he like the way Daeyoung wrote the lyrics and his voice suddenly questioned him why Daeyoung only made songs about the two people that can't be together. Daeyoung explained that after his song that Yushi sang became popular, lots of drama producer has been contacting him to wrote the lyrics for the melodrama OSTs. But as if Yushi was not satisfied with his explanation, he asked Daeyoung again.
“Back then, you said you wrote the lyrics while imagining about me. So, did you imagine the two of us not having any chance of being together in the future?”
Daeyoung realized it far too late—it wasn't just a song to Yushi. It was his own fear woven into the melody, his anxiety at the thought of a future where they didn't end up together.
But, hyung… instead of staying by my side, holding my hand as we walked toward a future where we could be together… why did you choose a future where I’m not yours?
Was I not enough? Were my hands too small, too weak to hold on to you? I had bigger hands than you and I'm way stronger than you, hyung. Or was it you who was too afraid to let me?
I would have fought for us, hyung. I would have faced the whole world if it meant I could stay by your side. But you—You didn't even give me the chance.
The wedding hall's air is filled with soft murmurs of admiration as the bride and groom stand before their guests. Daeyoung sits at the piano, his fingers trembling slightly before pressing against the cool ivory keys. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't have agreed to this. He had rejected once when through his manager. But when the request came—when the producer personally asked him to perform for the ceremony—he had smiled and accepted, as if the name Tokuno Yushi didn't still echo in his bones like a song he could never forget. As if he could bear to stand here, watching the man he once loved promise forever to someone else.
As Daeyoung sings, his voice remains steady, but inside, he is crumbling. The melody carries the weight of unspoken words, of love left to wither in the dark. Every note slices through his chest, yet he smiles because that's what professionals do—because that's what he has to do. The guests are all unaware of the storm raging within him. Unaware of the silent war between two hearts that were once intertwined in ways no one else could understand.
Yushi stands at the altar, his hands clenched at his sides, his breath caught in his throat. He hadn't known.
He hadn’t known Daeyoung would be here, standing before him like a ghost from the past, singing at his wedding as if the universe itself was playing a cruel joke.
Their eyes meet, and Yushi takes an unconscious step forward. He can see it—the pain. The way Daeyoung's gaze shudders, the way his fingers tighten around the microphone as if it's the only thing keeping him from shattering completely.
Daeyoung quickly looks away.
His heart is bleeding, his soul screaming, but he sings. He sings for the bride, for the guests, for everyone except the one person he once dreamed of singing for on a day like this. His voice trembles only for a moment before he forces it steady again, burying every piece of himself that still aches for the man standing just a few steps away.
As the final note fades into silence, the applause erupts, filling the grand hall with warmth. Daeyoung bows, smiling like his heart isn't lying in ruins at his feet.
And then, before he can risk another glance at Yushi, before his resolve can waver he walks away—from his stage and from Yushi.
Yushi watches him go, his chest tightening, his fingers twitching at his sides. A thousand things unsaid linger on his tongue, but he says nothing.
He can't.
Because today, he is someone else's and Daeyoung is only a part of his past now.
The celebration continuess, filled with laughter and music, but Yushi hears none of it. His bride smiles at him, radiant in her white wedding dress, but he can only see the shadow of the young man who just walked away. The young man who once scribbled his name beside Yushi's name, pretending—dreaming—that they had the same surname.
Yushi's fingers tremble as he lifts the champagne glass for a toast, the golden liquid swirling like the storm in his chest. This is what was meant to happen. This is the life he chose.
So why does it feel like he just lost everything?
Daeyoung walks through the empty corridor outside the ballroom, his footsteps echoing against the cold marble floor. His hands are clenched so tightly that his nails dig into his palms, but the pain isn't enough. Nothing is enough to drown out the image of Yushi standing there in wedding attire, looking at him like—like that.
Like he regretted something.
Like he had something to say.
Daeyoung scoffs under his breath. He doesn't want to hear it.
He steps out into the night air, gulping in a sharp breath, hoping it will clear the tightness in his chest. It doesn't. Nothing does.
Daeyoung's phone buzzes in his pocket. He already knows who it is before he even take a look.
‘Where are you, Daeyoung?’ It really is the message from Yushi.
Daeyoung exhales shakily, his fingers hovering over the screen. He wants to throw the phone. He wants to ignore it. He wants to scream. But instead, he type slowly with his trembling hands and his watery eyes that almost block his vision.
‘Congratulations on your wedding, hyung.’
And then, before Yushi can reply, before he can say something that will make Daeyoung crumble all over again, Daeyoung blocks his number.
Letting Yushi live his life. Letting him be happy.
Daeyoung has been left behind before. He will somehow survive this, too.
Even if it kills him.
Stupid Tokuno.
Bad Tokuno.
You once told me your surname would suit me so well, you nearly cried when I scribbled it beside my name on your script.
I thought it was because you were overwhelmed with happiness, because you saw what I saw, a future where I was yours, where we belonged to each other for the rest of our lives.
But maybe… maybe those tears were not joy at all. Maybe you already knew back then that we were never meant to last. That no matter how much I loved you, you would never truly be mine.
You had let me love you, Tokuno Yushi. So just this once, let me hate you, too.
The end.