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Chapter Text

The Toadstool Cottage of the Rainbow Fairies, Fairyland, 1993

Fern the Green Fairy fluttered excitedly into the living room, with a video tape in her right hand. Her sisters, Ruby the Red Fairy, Amber the Orange Fairy, Saffron the Yellow Fairy, Sky the Blue Fairy, Izzy the Indigo Fairy, and Heather the Violet Fairy were gathered on the couch in front of the television which they got from the human world, like most of the other fairies in Fairyland.

“Alright, girls!” announced Fern, holding up the tape.  "I’ve just got a tape of a new American show in the human world which is a global phenomenon with human children!”

“Ooh! A new American TV show! I love them!” Saffron perked up immediately.

“What’s it about?” Izzy, who usually wouldn’t be interested in learning about anything for human children, stretched her legs out.

“It’s called Barney & Friends. Sounds harmless enough.” Fern responded, displaying the video tape cover for them to see.

“A dinosaur teaching kids? That sounds prehistoric—get it?” Amber laughed at her own joke while her sisters just groaned in unison.

Sky was reading from a human magazine that was talking about Barney. “Fern's right. Apparently, it’s really popular with children!” she stated. “Parents hate it, though…”

Heather glanced over at the cover, puzzled. “Why do they hate it? It looks cute!”

“Let’s find out.” Ruby piped up as Fern handed her the tape. She fluttered over to the video player and inserted the cassette in. “Press play, Sky!”

Sky flicked her wand at the TV. The screen lit up, and after a few moments into the tape, which was perfectly fine with the child characters doing normal kid stuff, Barney sprung to life from his toy form…

BARNEY: (in a painfully cheerful, over-the-top voice) Hiii, everybody!

KIDS: BARNEY!!! (going over to hug him)

The Rainbow Fairies remained silent, their smiles fading immediately - never in the countless centuries had they ever seen anything like it.

“What. the. actual. fuck?” Izzy broke the silence. “That shade of purple should be illegal.”

“Agreed.” Heather piped up. “That’s not a dinosaur mascot for kids. It’s a puppet monster.”

“He shouldn’t exist. This is an offense to sanity and common sense.” Saffron agreed.

Fern tried to diffuse the situation. “Come on, sisters. Maybe we’re being too judg—”

BARNEY: (singing)

♪ You are SPECIAL! SPECIAL! Everyone is special— ♪

The fairies screamed. Saffron nearly spilled her glass of lemonade, and Sky actually flew backwards into a wall, fell to the floor, and promptly fell facefirst, wailing all the while.

“MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!” Ruby yelled in terror.

“TURN IT OFF!” Fern cried.

“WHY IS HE STARING LIKE THAT?!" Izzy flipped backwards when flying, hiding behind the couch.

“I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!” Amber wailed.

Sky frantically waved her wand at the screen. The TV fizzled, but she accidentally sped up the tape, towards the end to Barney’s trademark song...

BARNEY: (still singing)

♪ I love you, you love me, ♪

♪ We’re a happy family, ♪

♪ With a great big hug, and a— ♪

Heather lost her patience completely. She picked up a spell book, and began chanting in a fit of rage. Those who knew her well knew better than to get on the bad side of the usually calm, composed and sweet Violet Fairy, because when Heather was angry, she got angry.

“Obliterate! Disintegrate! DESTROY! EXORCISE THIS DEMON!”

She pointed her wand at the screen, and the whole TV suddenly exploded brilliantly into a million pieces. The fairies collapsed onto the couch, panting. There was a long, awkward silence, until…

“Girls…I-I’m so sorry.” Fern sighed, sadly. “This is all my fault.”

“D-Don’t blame y-yourself, sis. We……we are…..are NEVER…..sp-speaking about….th-this….again.” Ruby stammered, as white as a sheet.

"If that thing ever comes to Fairyland, I’M SETTING IT ON FIRE.” Izzy snarled, clenching her fists.

“That was not a dinosaur. That was a manifestation of nightmares. I understand why human parents hate it now.” Sky was now gazing up at the ceiling.

“I knew humans had some weird stuff, but that? That was dark magic.” Heather calmly put away the spell book as if she didn’t have a huge outburst earlier.

There was more silence. “Sooo…” Amber broke the tense air, trying not to laugh. “You girls don’t wanna watch another episode?” She was fortunately interrupted when her sisters grabbed hold of the sofa cushions and promptly threw them at her.

And that was how the Rainbow Fairies were the first residents of Fairyland to discover Barney - and promptly vowed to never speak of it again. Until one day...

Chapter Text

The Toadstool Cottage of the Rainbow Fairies, Fairyland, 2000

“Thanks so much once again for coming, girls. Before we have dessert, I’ve got a little…surprise…for you.” Ruby announced an hour after lunch finished. She was hosting each of the leaders from seven other fairy groups for a little lunch with dishes they had all prepared and brought over, so the other Rainbow Fairies were away from home, hanging out on their own today with their own friends. For the last few minutes, Ruby and her guests had been playing magical games and showing off spells and tricks.

“A surprise?” Megan the Monday Fairy’s eyes widened with intrigue. “You’re not usually someone to suggest such a thing - wouldn’t it usually be your sisters like Amber? Or Izzy?” she suggested.

“Tell us!” Crystal the Snow Fairy eagerly plopped down onto the sofa in front of the TV, sitting next to her. “Is it a new aerial or vaulting trick?”

Ruby handed Crystal a video tape with a smirk. “Apparently, this little cartoon from Canada is loved by kids - but it makes parents go mad.” There was a hint of knowingness in her voice, hiding what she experienced with her sisters a few years back.

“Caillou?” Megan quizzed as she spotted a young cartoon boy with a bald head and a yellow shirt on the cover. “Is that his name?”

“Seems like it. What kind of name is that, anyway?” added Crystal before handing the tape back to Ruby. “No idea. But I thought, if it’s really that bad, why don’t we see for ourselves…?” Ruby smirked.

“You’re such a daredevil.” Crystal smirked back.

“A cartoon?” Katie the Kitten Fairy scoffed fussily. “If it’s not a sweet little tale about kitties then I’m not interested.” She smiled briefly at Shimmer, her grey and white kitten, scratching behind his ears affectionately as he purred contentedly. “You know I barely trust any human media they make about cats nowadays.”

“Especially…THAT musical?” Tia the Tulip Fairy innocently cut in.

Katie turned to Tia and glared sharply. “I am STILL trying to recover from the great trauma it caused me, and questioning why I agreed to go on that trip with Jessica and Leah to the human world to see GROWN ADULTS, PRANCING ABOUT ON STAGE IN LEOTARDS TRYING TO BE-”

“Calm down Kate.” Bethany the Ballet Fairy sighed, fluttering over, and placing one hand on her shoulder assuredly. “It’s all over now, you can breathe and just make sure you never see any sign of it again. Besides, didn’t Jessica and Leah hate it too?”

“No, they were fine with that one, Jess told me it was the musical where the actors went about on roller skates and pretended to be trains that they absolutely hated.” Ruby replied, inserting the tape into the video player. Once she found her spot on the couch, she lifted her wand and a beam of magic brought the TV to life. If it’s anything like last time, I’m definitely making amends to the girls. At least my own sisters aren’t here to see this. she thought to herself.

“I’m sure this kind of human entertainment isn’t as bad as it seems…right?” Tia laughed. “Oh, don’t worry, Ti.” Megan laughed. “I’m sure it’s just-”

But then the theme song came on to kick start the episode, leaving the fairies in pure bewilderment...

DORIS: You’re gonna be a big boy!

CAILLOU: (singing) ♪ I’m just a kid who’s four, each day I grow some more, I like exploring, I’m Caillou... ♪

“What in Fairyland is THAT kind of song?” Bethany grimaced. “No. No way. Turn it off. Turn it off now.”

“Wh-Why is he so bald?” India the Moonstone Fairy stammered in shock. “Did… did he make a deal with an eldritch god? And betrayed it?”

“Maybe he’s a goblin in disguise. This seems like goblin behavior.” Megan thought aloud as she witnessed Caillou’s numerous antics as the theme song played.

“Thank goodness Melodie isn’t around, because she’d lose it if she ever heard this song.” Ruby laughed.

Soon, the episode began - it was titled Caillou Joins The Circus. The fairies found the first few minutes alright at first, with Katie even lighting up and nudging a sleepy Shimmer when Gilbert, Caillou’s family cat, appeared on screen. However, when it came to a scene when Caillou was brushing his teeth…

CAILLOU: Look, I got dressed all by myself.

BORIS: Ah, I can see that. And you did a good job. But it’s so early.

CAILLOU: I don’t wanna be late for the circus.

BORIS: The circus? Oh no, Caillou, that’s not today. The circus isn’t till tomorrow.

That was when it all started.

CAILLOU: (voice choking up) No. No, it’s today. (bursts into tears) I got all dressed. It’s today…

“Girl, whaaaatttt?” Crystal suddenly burst into laughter. “Breaking down in tears all because the circus isn’t today?! He knows tomorrow is literally the day after, so there is obviously NOTHING to be sad about, right?” She stared around at all the other fairies who only stared at the TV screen in deadly silence. “Right?”

“I think he knows, Crys.” Bethany sighed, deadpan. “He’s probably just upset because things aren’t going the way he wants them to.”

Caillou only got worse when Boris, his dad, told him to go down and help make breakfast…

CAILLOU: No! No, I don’t want to! (plays with his toy car roughly) Vroom-vroom-vrooooommmm.

Suddenly, one wheel of his toy car broke off. “This can’t be good…” India gulped.

CAILLOU: (angrily) Silly ol’car! Silly, Silly, Silly! (throws car to the floor) Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! (throws a tantrum)

A collective chorus of groans, sighs and sarcastic remarks were the only sounds that came from the seven fairies seated on the sofa.

“Oh nooooo, I’m not going to the circus, and because I’m soooo angry, I broke my toy on purpose and now I’m going to throw a little temper tantrum just to get attention! I wannn attenttionnnnn! Waaaaaaaahhhh!” Katie jeered mockingly, much to Ruby and Crystal’s amusement.

“Maybe he’s just… strong-willed?” Megan pondered aloud after the sounds of despair and irritation died down. “But to be honest, he sounds a bit like Phoebe when things go wrong for her at times.” she exclaimed to her friends, who burst into giggles, even nodding their heads.

“Or Scarlett.” India added, generating even more laughter.

“Don’t leave out Jessica!” Bethany suddenly pointed out. The fairies chuckled further at the joke from a fairy who was better recognised for her seriousness rather than her sense of humour.

As the show progressed, the fairies continued to observe more things in the episodes - with Caillou not experiencing the consequences of his own actions, but getting away with them.

“His parents and sister are prisoners in their own home.” murmured Ruby.

“How does this child always get his way? What dark power does he hold?” Tia gasped.

“We must stop him.” agreed Crystal determinedly.

“You can’t just “stop” a human child. Especially a cartoon one.” Katie scoffed, rolling her eyes.

Then, India’s eyes narrowed as she thought hard. “Hmmmmm…you can if you banish him to another dimension.” she cut in. “Perhaps Amy could be skilled at that. I’ll ask her, I suppose.”

They all sat in silence for a moment, seriously considering it, while still carefully scrutinising the stories taking place on screen.

“Look, at least he learns a lesson by the end.” Bethany sighed.

“A lesson? Yeah. After he literally got away with his little tantrum earlier.” Katie flatly said.

There was still deafening silence as the final credits rolled, until...

“Girls! I’m finished!”

The fairies turned their heads slowly at the sound of an innocently patient voice, seeing Cherry the Cake Fairy fluttering into the living room with an earl grey chiffon cake, which she had been baking in the kitchen all this while, since lunch concluded an hour ago while the rest of her friends had been in the living room and out in the garden.

“Uhhhhh...save it for later, Cherry.” Ruby sighed. “I think we all lost our appetites.”

Cherry, oblivious to the programme her friends had all cringed and moaned at earlier, just shrugged and fluttered down back to the kitchen with the cake - who knows, she could possibly whip up a few more treats since they looked that tired...

And so, only Ruby, Crystal, India, Katie, Megan, Tia and Bethany knew about the animated Canadian brat that is Caillou, and did not mention a single word about it to anyone else in Fairyland. Until one day, which you may have to wait a while for...oh, never mind, I'll tell you...in the next chapter. 

Chapter Text

Royal Ballroom, The Fairyland Palace, 2024

Fairies from all parts of Fairyland fluttered towards the Fairyland Palace, chatting excitedly amongst themselves. Their Majesties King Oberon and Queen Titania were away on a trip to visit a friend of theirs, so The Fairy Godmother was in charge of Fairyland for the time being - did she by chance want to give a briefing or lay out a set of instructions?

They were greeted with quite the opposite once they entered the Grand Ballroom, however. Up on the marble podium leading up towards the grand staircase, The Rainbow Fairies were gathered in front of a projection screen, magically hovering over them, and anxiously discussing amongst themselves. “You really sure we should do this, Ruby?” Sky murmured anxiously. “If everyone here loses their sanity tonight it’s gonna be our fault!”

“I already told you, Sky, once everyone just watches ONE episode of either show, that will be all. If they don’t like a single bit of them, then we’ll oblige and call off this meeting.” Ruby assured, rolling her eyes. “Just ONE.”

During the human world year of 2002, Ruby finally had decided to introduce her sisters to Caillou two years after that event, and they pretty much reacted in the same way Ruby’s guests did. After over 22 years since the Rainbow Fairies decided to just ignore the existence of both shows, the memories of the two grotesque programs just clicked into their heads once again…and let’s just say that they decided to take action.

“Thanks for coming, everyone.” Ruby addressed the large gathering once Bertram the Frog Footman shut the large doors. “The Fairy Godmother agreed that my sisters and I could use the ballroom to bring to light something that should be eradicated from both Fairyland and the human world. In fact...it’s two things at once.”

The gathering stared in quizzical silence at the Red Fairy and her sisters. “For centuries, we’ve been allowed the privilege and benefit of picking up many aspects of human world culture. However, as we know, there are the good things about it…and the not so good things.” Ruby continued.

"Forces so insidious, so unspeakably terrifying, are threatening the very fabric of reality as we know it." Sky dramatically declared. “They have taken the minds of children in the human world. And now, it seeks to take ours in pure insanity.” The gathering of fairies and even Bertram began murmuring in concern. There was more silence - but even more deafening and awkward than the last.

“Insanity? I’ll be on hand then, Sky, don’t you worry.” The silence was broken by Martha the Doctor Fairy who rose from her seat, waving her wand to create a mini psychologist corner which she fluttered over to.

”I hate to spill the beans, but I don’t think only one of us is going to recover from this, Martha.” Izzy cut in.

"I’ll be in the drawing room overlooking the gardens if you girls need me, then.” Martha shrugged, waving her wand as she and her psychologist tools disappeared in a puff of smoke. “Guess this means we’re probably needed on stand-by as well.” added Maryam the Nurse Fairy as she fluttered out, followed by Perrie the Paramedic Fairy and Ivy the Worry Fairy. Bertram held the door for them as he also left the ballroom, for he and the other footmen decided it was best to just leave the fairies to their own private meeting - it wasn’t a royal event, important speech or emergency meeting, anyways.

“What are you going to be showing us, anyways?” Abigail the Breeze Fairy, who was seated near the front with the other Weather Fairies folded her arms and smirked. “Can’t be that bad.”

“They’re both TV shows for human children. They’re pretty old, dating from two decades back.” Saffron replied.

“Two decades back? Then how come you’re only showing them to us now?” Evie the Mist Fairy raised her eyebrow, a little intrigued. “Or...did Rachel and Kirsty, or their two new friends...who are they again?” She thought hard for a moment, trying to remember. “Ah, yes, Gracie and Khadijah - did either of the four girls know about those shows and advise you to do this?”

Ruby shook her head and pondered, her head tilted to one side as she scratched her chin. “I’ve no idea whether the human girls know about them, but I’ll presume they probably do. It’s all because…one night, it just clicked to us after experiencing those…shows, and then we figured that we should warn Fairyland about these…catastrophes.”

“Cousin, I love you and all, but…you girls should have done this meeting right after you discovered them.” Scarlett the Garnet Fairy pointed out, amused by Ruby’s decision. “But all the same, never mind, go on, darlings.”

“We’re about to show you content...that may drive you…crazy. We hope that this presentation serves as a warning to all of Fairyland. Watch closely, and remember - knowledge is power.” Fern continued. There was ominous silence before Fern just shrugged and fluttered to the side.

“Alright, so the first program we’re going to showcase is a Canadian animated cartoon created in the late 1990s for preschoolers, based on a book series written back in 1989. Both series share the same title - Caillou.” Saffron began, nervously. “It’s a…little…slice-of-life series surrounding a young boy of the same name who always seems to be wearing the same outfit of a yellow and red shirt with blue shorts. Oh, and he behaves like a real brat, so be very prepared.”

As Saffron continued, and Sky and Izzy helped to dim the ballroom lights, Ruby exchanged glances with Crystal, India, Katie, Megan, Tia, and Bethany. She mouthed an apology to each of them that they were facing Caillou again, which they seemed to take well…but she knew that it wasn’t really going to. Just then, out of the blue, she thought she saw something. Was that a bouncing watermelon with a faint-sounding little ditty bouncing around in the palace gardens below? The object suddenly disappeared as if it had never been there. Never mind. She thought. Must be one of Scarlett’s pranks. Or Mimi’s.

“Ruby?” Saffron’s voice snapped Ruby’s attention back. “You…gonna play it for them?” The eldest sister of the Rainbow Fairies reluctantly nodded with a sigh and pointed her wand at the large projection screen, before fluttering over to join her sisters at the side of the staircase. Thankfully, everyone found the theme song pretty alright, although Bethany had her ears covered, with her head hiding in her tutu all the while.

The episode chosen for this showcase was Caillou In The Bathtub. It started out fine, with Caillou running from his mother, Doris, all because he didn’t want to take a shower. Once Doris finally found him under the cot of his baby sister, Rosie, Caillou was carried over to the bathroom and Doris turned on the tub…

CAILLOU: (places finger in) It’s too hot, Mommy!

DORIS: Okay.

Doris then ran the cold water in as well but…

CAILLOU: (places finger in) It’s too cold, Mommy!

Groans and eye rolls of exasperation were the only things that came from the gathering of fairies. “Argh… what a fussy little boy…” groaned Thea the Thursday Fairy.

Doris gave her young son a toy boat. However, Caillou only stuck his tongue out at it and threw it to the ground before running out of the bathroom. “I was right, this really IS goblin behaviour!” Megan pumped her fist in victory amongst the growing noise of sighs and rants. “That show is pretty horrid…” said Willow the Wednesday Fairy as she facepalmed.

Seeing how irritated and fed up everyone was, Ruby immediately pointed her wand at the screen and the world of Caillou disappeared in a flash. Everyone was relieved. But…there was still one more show to go.

“Ok, girls.” Saffron piped up. “The next and FINAL one is something that’s for really young kids. This American show from the late 1990s is a live-action one called Barney and Friends. Uhhhhhhh…you may want to see what this one is about….for yourselves.” she nervously smiled. “Good luck.” This time, Fern pointed her wand at the screen and an episode of Barney appeared. It went pretty ok at first, although a few fairies cringed at the theme song. A few moments into the episode, that’s where it all began…

KID: (sadly) If only I could get along with my friends…then the game would be really fun!

Suddenly, the camera zoomed in on the toy dinosaur which suddenly sprang to life, coming alive and growing huge as if it was nothing. Some of the fairies screamed in shock as they jumped backwards…

“Eeeek!” screamed Leah the Theatre Fairy.

“Ohmygoshohmygosh!” Belle the Birthday Fairy cried out in shock, as she and Leah clutched each other in terror.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! A demon!” Jessica the Jazz Fairy shrieked, aiming her wand at the screen, with Jade the Disco Fairy instantly hugging her in fright.

Meanwhile, Phoebe the Fashion Fairy had fainted in the arms of Polly the Party Fun Fairy, who was able to wake her sister up with the former’s own smelling salts that she carried everywhere.

BARNEY: (excitedly) Did somebody say FUN?! Maybe I could help with that! Hohohoho!

KIDS: BARNEY!!! 

”That’s not a dinosaur. That’s a mutation." Trixie the Halloween Fairy blanched, gripping her seat. “And NOT in a good way.”

"Is…is he possessed? No one is usually that happy. All the time, that is.” Honor the Happy Days Fairy whispered to Florence the Friendship Fairy, her eyes widening.

"What’s wrong with his voice? WHY DOES IT SOUND LIKE HE’S LYING TO US?" Annie the Detective Fairy pointed her wand at the screen in complete disbelief.

"Ah doon’t like the way he looks ah’ me. Och, he knoows things. He’s seen...things.” Emily the Emerald Fairy slowly covered her ears, horrified, as she and Scarlett held on to each other, quivering.

“Yikes.” Selena the Sleepover Fairy could only murmur softly.

Then Barney and the kids all began to sing…

BARNEY & THE KIDS: (singing)

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! (clapping)

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! (clapping)

If you're happy and-

There was pure chaos as shrill screaming was the only sound echoing around the ballroom as all the fairies nearly went mentally insane.

“AAAARGH!! THIS IS WORSE THAN JUSTIN BIEBER!!!!” screamed Ellie the Guitar Fairy.

“MAKE IT STOP!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!” shrieked Violet the Painting Fairy.

“WAS THIS COMPOSED BY GOBLINS?!” Giselle the Christmas Ballet Fairy was nearly pulling out her bun.

"Alright, girls, girls, please! Sit and calm down! It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok!” Tilly the Teacher Fairy was trying to use her motherly authority and sense to calm everyone down, but to no avail. Out of all the devastating reactions, however, the most dramatic came from none other than… 

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH HAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” Tears flowed down Melodie the Music Fairy’s cheeks as she sobbed loudly, clinging to her older sister, Cherry, tightly. “Who authorised this crime against music?!” she screamed out loud to no one in particular, before belting a high note operatically in all her frustration, slapping her hand against her forehead.

“TURN IT OFF!!! TURN IT OFF, PLEASE!!!!” Storm the Lightning Fairy was yelling in desperation at the Rainbow Fairies on the podium, on her knees and nearly about to join Melodie in tears.

“I’M TRYING!!!!” cried Ruby, but she was so distracted by all the chaos that her wand kept missing the target on screen, sending magic in various directions instead. Thankfully, Fern and Heather managed to cast a combined spell, erasing Barney and his crew from the screen instantly. The fairies all took a moment to catch their breaths, still holding on to each other. The Rainbow Fairies looked at each other wearily, before Ruby stepped forward as the gathering fell silent. “Oh, girls,” she sighed. “I am SO, sooooooo sorry for all this. This is all my fault for suggesting this presentation to bring light to-”

“Rubes, don’t blame yourself.” Scarlett fluttered up to her in the midst of all the recovering fairies. “You did what you wanted to, with good intentions, like you always do.” she smiled gently. “I think you’ve successfully managed to warn all of us about those…menaces. So…thank YOU and the rest of your sisters for letting us know.” Scarlett winked, showing a rare comforting and soft side to the usually exuberant and contemptuous Garnet Fairy.

“Thanks Scarlie.” Ruby smiled softly, before she turned to the gathering once again. “So girls, how about we forge-”

Suddenly, the screen lit up again, this time displaying an anthropomorphic cartoon watermelon surrounded by a white void as a ladybird flew around it.

“Uhhhhh…who did this?” Ruby was confused, glancing at her sisters. “I thought our presentation’s done.”

The rest of the Rainbow Fairies, as well as the whole gathering, looked equally taken aback.

“Nope. None of us are using our wands now.” Amber shook her head. “Oh noooo!” she suddenly cried. “I can’t even make a single pun due to how shaken I am!”

“Don’t look at me.” Scarlett added sheepishly when all eyes turned to the Garnet Fairy due to her tendency to play pranks. “I didn’t do anything.”

Then, a large font of words and voice came from the screen, followed by a little tinkling musical ditty...

“Cocomelon!”

“What the hell?” Izzy broke the awkward silence. “Cocomelon? Wha-What is tha-”

“I’ve no idea.” Ruby was equally surprised. Now, it had switched to a poorly animated CGI world as fast-paced generic music began playing.

“Okay, this one doesn’t look too bad…or does it?” Chloe the Topaz Fairy skeptically examined the unexpected show that had just popped up on screen.

Suddenly, the camera zoomed in on a baby into his huge, soulless, eyes…

“WHY ARE HIS EYES SO BIG?!” Pearl the Cloud Fairy jerked her chair back in alarm.

“That’s not proportionate. That’s NOT NORMAL!” exclaimed a horrified Marissa the Science Fairy, pointing at the baby’s enormous head.

Then, the entire ballroom stiffened as singing began to chime in...

VOICEOVERS: (singing in a eerie, robotic fashion)

Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes!

Head, shoulders, knees and-

…before it detonated.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“IT’S INSIDE MY BRAIN!” screamed Hayley the Rain Fairy, gripping at her ponytail. 

"THE MELODY IS TOO SIMPLE! IT’S TOO SIMPLE!!!” Poppy the Piano Fairy was yanking at her hair, wild-eyed, and on the verge of actually eating her hat.

Saskia the Salsa Fairy was pointing her wand at the screen, panicking. “Halbando del rey de Roma! DESTROY IT! DESTROY IT NOW!” She fired a beam of light, but the spell bounced off the screen, thankfully missing the large grand chandelier, which was the centerpiece of the whole ballroom. The spell ended up impacting a nearby armchair, which blew up spectacularly into pieces. The song just rolled on and on and on, repeating the exact same chorus over and over.

VOICEOVERS: (singing)

Eyes and ears and mouth and nose,

Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes!

*************************************

Martha, Maryam, Perrie and Ivy couldn’t exactly describe what happened. One moment, they were all just chatting with each other in the drawing room until they heard the faint sounds of shrieking, shattering glass, and even explosions coming from somewhere within the palace. Alarmed, they glanced at each other and fluttered back to the ballroom as fast as their wings would let them. Upon swinging the large ballroom doors open, they saw total, unhinged pandemonium, all caused by a very brightly-lit and poorly animated programme that was blaring on the projection screen.

Amber was screaming, rapidly scribbling protective sigils into the air with her wand. Next to her, Sky was levitating uncontrollably while trying to blast a hole through time and space just to escape.

On the floor, Ella the Rose Fairy had collapsed, muttering spells in shaky and frantic whispers, while Lindsay the Luck Fairy clawed fistfuls of emerald green dust from her bowler hat charm and flung them at the screen in sheer desperation, despite all her aims missing the screen completely.

Ruby had given up entirely, banging her head against a wall, chanting a cracked mantra: “It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real.” 

Meanwhile, Abigail had frantically summoned a roaring vortex of wind, howling across the ballroom in an attempt to blow the projection screen into another dimension. But Phoebe was the most frantic of all, two wands gripped tightly in her hands, with spells exploding in every direction and beams of magic ricocheting off the walls. Honey the Sweet Fairy lunged for her own wand, fingers outstretched, her voice lost in the storm of chaos and magic.

The singing didn’t stop. 

The screen was still intact.

The baby’s face grew even larger as the song looped.

Smiling, and staring right into their souls.

VOICEOVERS: (singing) “Head, shoulders, knees and-”

Melodie snapped. A feral scream ripped from her throat as she flew forward like lightning, her wand blazing like a dying star.

“I’LL KILL IT!! I’LL KILL IT WITH MY OWN HANDS!!!”

A large beam erupted from the tip of her wand, wild and unrestrained. She swung at the screen, screaming like a banshee...

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”

And then, mercifully, the screen flickered off mid-note. There was peaceful silence as the fairies realised what happened. Bliss. At last. With the exception of four of them standing at the door, trying to process what just occured, the fairies were left panting, wide-eyed, and trembling, with some even curled in fetal positions. The once grand and regal ballroom now resembled a war zone. Without hesitation, Martha, Maryam, Perrie and Ivy fluttered in, immediately attending to their friends, and helping some of them, especially a traumatized Melodie who was staring into space, over to the drawing room where they were nursed and healed of their traumas…

Crystal was the first to lift herself up. “That… was true evil.” Her voice was below a whisper.

Pearl was shuddering, while gripping Heather’s arm like a lifeline, with the Violet Fairy silently sobbing to herself. “We—we have to warn Rachel, Kirsty, Gracie and Khadijah and tell them to spread the warning. We have to stop…whatever that was…from spreading.” Her voice sounded shaky.

“Wh-What if…They already know…?” Ruby murmured, panicking. “I just hope it hasn’t got to either of them…”

“Then let’s just tell the King and Queen about that whole Cocomelon thing when they return.” Storm suggested, still hanging on to a very pale Amy the Amethyst Fairy, who was shivering like crazy.

“Forget it, let’s just clean up the mess we made or else Fairy Godmother is gonna be furious.” sighed Cherry, heaving herself up.

So the fairies slowly began to clean up the ballroom, but they were still traumatized from that creepy Cocomelon show, though. Their efforts to try and clear it off their minds weren’t helped by seeing any large objects reminding them of the baby’s head and soulless eyes.

They had all just finished cleaning up when the ballroom doors suddenly burst open to a loud guitar riff that came out of nowhere, and the lights coming back on. Destiny the Pop Star Fairy and her helpers, The Pop Star Fairies, were standing in the doorway striking poses, until the sight of the fairies cleaning the ballroom snapped them back to reality. Some of them were shocked about the situation, and some were confused. As for Destiny, she didn’t know what to think. 

"Dest! You came!” Ivy fluttered over and shared a hug with her friend. “Hey Ivy! Got your message while the girls and I were on break during rehearsals!” Destiny hugged her back. “And hey girls.” She greeted the ballroom warmly, smiling. Normally the Pop Star Fairy would be greeted to the sounds of screaming fans, but this time, there was silence. It seemed that they all felt really…nervous. “Soooooo…tell me. What is this whole Cocomelon thing going on?”

“I-it’s a-a horrible show with no story…” Eleanor the Snow White Fairy shuddered.

“And it has TERRIBLE songs!” Scarlett shrieked in exasperation.

“A-and-nd t-th-the baby l-l-looks in-inc-inc-incredibly u-ug-ugly…” slurred Victoria the Violin Fairy, feeling a bit sickish.

“Ohhhhhh, okay.” said Jessie the Lyrics Fairy.

“You…think you could help us recover?” Ruby pleaded. 

"Welllll girls….” Destiny fluttered towards the podium. “It seems like y’all have really, really experienced a war. And…those war experiences look like they really, really need to be cured. Sooooo….” She whipped out her magical microphone, waved her wand and disco lights appeared around the podium. “Ready girls?” The Pop Star Fairies took their places on the podium, followed by The Music Fairies, who eagerly fluttered over and magicked their instruments.

Danni the Drum Fairy tapped her drumsticks together and...the impromptu party started to cheers and screams of excitement, and of course, fairies reaching out for Destiny, in the hope that she’d give them a high-five. The Pop Star Fairies sang and danced to a song called “Resonant Blue” by the Japanese girl group Morning Musume.

Adele and Rochelle: "CRY, CRY how much?"

Adele: "Do you love me?"

Jessie and Rochelle: "Tonight, tonight I won't kiss you!"

Jessie: “I won't kiss just for fun!”

Adele: “People often see me as a casual girl!”

Jessie: “Is it because of my face? I'm used to it, but…”

Adele: “Simply appealing that I'm not a cold girl seems foolish as well”

Jessie and Rochelle: “CRY CRY How much”

Jessie: “Do you love me?”

Adele and Rochelle: “Tonight Tonight I won't kiss you”

Adele: “I won't kiss just for fun”

Jessie: “I don't know if you're serious”

Adele: “I won't hand you over easily”

Frankie: “Baby baby”

Jessie: “I'm sick of hearing those transparent and annoying phrases”

Frankie and Miley: “But, hey, hey, but-” 

Jessie: ad libbing-styled singing

Frankie and Miley: “But, hey, hey, but-”

Adele: “Uh~ WOW WOW WOW”

Frankie and Miley: “But, hey, hey, but-”

Adele: “Uh~ WOW WOW WOW”

Jessie: “I'm counting…”

Rochelle: “..my nights alone…”

Jessie, Una, Vanessa and Adele: “The sadness echoes…”

Rochelle, Miley, Frankie: “Wow…”

“Thanks Dest.” Ruby whispered to Destiny from the right side of the podium as The Pop Star Fairies continued to sing, soon joined by Amelia the Singing Fairy, a fully recovered Melodie, and even Jae the Boy Band Fairy covering some lyrics. “You’re a lifesaver and trauma healer.”

“What can I say?” Destiny shrugged. “Anything to relieve Fairyland from cringe. Especially…menaces made for children.”

The fairies continued to party the night away, forgetting about purple dinosaurs, whiny bald kids, and babies with soulless eyes…for as long as possible.

THE END