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I looked at the scissors in my hand, my weak hair that I had grown since he left was now on the ground.
I glanced at the syringes on the edge, they were all garbage. The substance mixed into my blood was gradually suffocating me.
I didn't let the darkness pull me in, I tried to leave only the days when he enlightened me in my memories.
The dark-haired boy had suddenly entered my life, and his exit was as sudden as his entrance. It was all my fault. My insecurity and the emotions I couldn't control inside me had sunk us.
I have always been someone who cannot control his emotions. Whenever I got upset, I kept it inside me, and when I reached my breaking point, I would tear apart whoever was in front of me, and this had even caused me to be called a monster before.
When I look back now, this word, which makes no sense in my numb brain, had a big role in turning my whole life into a bomb capable of exploding my emotions.
Even though I don't care much about what people say, I care as much about what the people I value around me say.
As my numb body could no longer hold itself up, I stumbled towards the kitchen.
It was never enough, my self should have disappeared completely in this body, there should not be a soul that was brutally torn apart, that's why I got used to living by relying on those substances that would make me forget my self.
I remembered the days when he kissed me, when I treated him badly without meaning to, when he hugged me, when he was in my life.
Isagi Yoichi,
He entered my life at the point of collapse of my life, first he united his shattered soul with his tapes, and then he suddenly untied those tapes with his own hands.
I suddenly undid everything he had corrected about me, and even though he tried to come back a few times behind my back, I did not allow it. At that time, I believed that I could somehow gather my soul.
I put the pill on the edge of the table in my mouth, I didn't care about the tremors from the high dose, I just wanted to forget it.
I took my phone and wanted to call him anonymously.
The last piece of my being wanted to hear his voice for the last time.
When he answered the phone, I even held my breath, because I knew that he knew me in every way and would insult me as if I were the guilty one.
I listened to what he said in a noisy environment;
-Rin.
-I don't know what you were planning when you were looking for me, but I can't forgive you.
-It's already over.
I ignored my silence, I was already caught.
-I wanted to end everything for the last time.
-Did you really think I was calling you to make myself forgive you as if I was insulting you?
-I don't know what you mean or what nonsense you're talking, I don't want to talk to a drunk like you even one last time, you're the one who's prolonging it.
-Whose fault is it that I've become like this? It's funny that you still shamelessly call me a drunk. Anyway, you were the one who got me used to the substance in the first place.
-Shut up, you could have prevented me, Mr. Genius.
-I forgot how much of a bastard you are, Yoichi.
-These are the last things you will hear about me from now on, I wanted to point out that I have completely finished everything.
-Huh, what? I don't know if you're kidding or talking shit, but you're taking my job away, get out of here, do whatever you want, Itoshi. From now on, all I want to hear about you is that you're gone or something.
-You will get what you want, Isagi, even if it drives me crazy with anger.
-Tell your fucking darling Sae these last words of mine. "I don't know how it feels to manage Cockroach and Isagi at the same time, but I think you're in deep shit right now." You can convey it to him, and this will be my farewell to him.
-What the fuck are you saying Ri-
The young man with dark blue hair hung up the call before he could finish his words.
The reasons for breaking up were that he used Rin to date his fucked up brother and then threw him away like a ball.
Even if he loved me at first, I made him hate me. Of course, a person couldn't stand a freak like me.
I took the scissors in my hand, this time I was going to take my anger out of my leg, not my hair. The cuts I made on my hip area were countless.
Blood was flowing like a waterfall, he had already decided to put an end to everything today.
He chose the day he was born, the day everything started, as the day everything would end.
He staggered to his feet, he was already in the kitchen. He ignored the door slamming as he reached for the drawer next to the knives.
He took one of the largest, pointed knives he thought he had and positioned it against his heart.
The opening of the outer door did not make him nervous, his consciousness was barely there anyway.
He placed the sharp side of the knife he placed on his heart on the side of his heart, and he knew that his life would end when he pressed his hand.
He turned his head to the body that suddenly appeared in front of the kitchen door.
Yoichi was literally standing in front of him.
-RIN!?
It was too late, I smiled with the last feeling left in my shattered soul.
-I will open this heart that I once opened only to you, for the last time to bring me to my end Yoichi.
When I said this, I had already stabbed the knife into my heart, and the last thing I heard was nothing but a piercing scream, dry, not feeling any emotion, including fear.
I was shaking and cold. The darkness I was falling into and the pain I felt to the core were taking my life away.
I made a mistake by thinking that what I would feel when we died would be peace, that even God could not put together such a shattered soul so that I could judge and live a new life.
I felt my existence shatter, my thoughts were disappearing, as if I had never existed, as if I had disappeared in a way that I could not understand.
I Itoshi Rin, was nothing anymore.
While the soul of the poor young man was completely erased from existence, Isagi in the real world was screaming with his throat torn apart at the body of his ex-boyfriend, whom he still loved and broke up with on the grounds that she hurt him. He cursed the day he followed Sae's plan and said something about how he should never have left Rin.
This was the end of both young souls. Isagi pulled the knife out of the heart of the boy he loved, lay down next to the cold body, hugged him and said his last words;
"Maybe we'll be together in another universe, or at least you'll be happy. Happiness wherever you go, my darling, I love you."
With the knife he put into his heart, his soul was erased from existence, like the boy next to him, never to exist again.
The story of both of them ended here, simply, without getting too long.
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