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The moon without his sun

Summary:

Tsukishima has fallen in love. He doesn't know how or when but he is in love with someone he can't have. It hurts. It burns. Seeing them together is enough to make him want to throw up. He knows he shouldn't feel like this, after all, they'll break up eventually... right? But the time is ticking for him, he keeps hiding both his feelings and the bloody petals he is throwing up. He has refused surgery once too many times, living with the hope that maybe, just maybe, his beloved will throw it all away to save him.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

7th may, 2 AM.
I can't fall asleep. Every passing day it's getting harder to breathe, I started using an inhaler as if that would make any difference. Why did I have to fall in love with you from all people? This isn't what I meant when I wrote you in that letter you probably threw away months ago but I can't forget that I felt something blooming inside everytime I look at you. Yamaguchi knows, Akiteru knows, my mother knows, even Akaashi-san, who lives far away, knows. I'm starting to think you don't care. I hate you, I hate you, I absolutely hate what you've done to me. But oh... How could I ever be mad at you? Your smile, your energy, those hypnotizing eyes of yours, how small you look compared to me, it annoys me but I love it almost as much as I love you.
- Tsukishima
Read 25th May, 8 PM

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6 AM.
I slept two hours in a row, I consider this a great success even though my bed wear is stained in blood and petals. Even these stupid flowers remind me of you, orange Chrysanthemums. What do you even see on him that you don't see in me? I'm smarter, I'm taller, I'm prettier, I could treat you better than him. Why? Why? Am I too skinny? Too sarcastic? Too mean? Is it because I look sick now? What can I do to make you look at me??
- Tsukishima
Read 25th May, 8 PM

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7th may, 10 AM.
The more I see you with that blue haired idiot, the sicker I feel. He isn't nearly as good as I am, and yet you're head over heels for him. It's disgusting. That should be me. He should be the one dying for you, not me. I don't want your pity, I want you to leave him so I show you what you've been missing. I don't even know why I keep texting you these long paragraphs instead of getting my own diary instead of texting you.
- Tsukishima
Read 25th May, 8 PM

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10th may, 5 AM.
I think it might be too late for me now. The petals are already flowers whole flowers. But I refuse surgery, I prefer dying of love than living and never loving you or anyone ever again. I don't think I can keep hiding it for so long.
- Tsukishima
Read 25th May, 8 PM

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7 PM.
I hope you liked the flowers and the letter, they costed me a lung. Literally. I should've told you what you meant to me, but you'll never see me again, so does it really matter?
- Tsukishima
Read 25th May, 8 PM

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19th May, 5 PM.
Thank you for everything, but I only have a few more hours. If you ever read this, I just want you to know this wasn't your fault. Maybe in another life it's us against the world. Please don't forget about me.
- Tsukishima
Read 25th May, 8 PM

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25th May, 8 PM
Why did you never tell me any of this face to face? You're an idiot. I would've said I loved you back. I will never forgive myself for this, this is all my fault. I'm so sorry for everything, this should have never happened, if only I noticed the signs earlier. I liked you for a long time too but I was so scared of rejection and also in love with Kageyama. I'm such a fool.
-Hinata
Sent

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28th May, 6 PM
I'm back from the funeral, I hope you liked my speech. We all miss you. But don't worry, I'll visit you everyday until I see you in heaven, I promise.
- Hinata
Sent

Notes:

Thank you for reading this, I hope you enjoyed and cried reading this as much as I did writting it :) I'm sorry if it's too short, I promise my next work will be longer.