Chapter Text
Whispers.
Unnerving silence. Weightlessness.
Somewhere above him a bird crows.
His body feels cold but his skin is warm. He tries to open his eyes but they’re assaulted by a bright light and he groans, squinting as best as he can. His eyelids flutter as he tries to get a grasp on his surroundings but the only thing that he can do is listen.
Quiet.
Part of his shirt feels wet and he looks down blearily. A pool of blood stains his shirt but it looks dried. He presses his fingers to the material gently, confusion pooling in his brain. As his eyes begin to adjust he takes a look around. He’s on a pier of some sort. He turns his head to look through the brightly coloured railings and is surprised to see that there’s no water. He frowns, noticing that it’s just white. He looks in the other direction—that’s white too.
His head falls back to look at the sky, it’s devoid of any colour. There’s no separation of environments, he’s surrounded by an artist's blank canvas. His breathing starts to shallow as fear spreads through his body.
Where is he?
Ahead of him, towards the end of the pier, a figure stands—he appears to be waiting. Tentatively, Buck waves but the figure doesn’t move. He continues to stand there eerily.
“Well that’s rude,” he mutters.
Bracing both hands on the floor, he tries to push himself up off the ground, only to end up out of breath and on his knees instead. He tries again, this time using the railing for leverage, breathing deeply as he hauls himself up, wincing at the painful tingles that run up and down his legs.
He moves to wipe sweat from his brow but stops when he sees dried blood under his fingernails. He studies the rest of his hand expecting to see more blood but they’re both clean. He remembers his shirt and lifts it, cringing as the dried blood makes it hard to separate it from his skin but he pulls harder only to see that there’s no wound there either. He gingerly presses down on his abdomen, preparing to feel a sharp pain—anything that could potentially explain the blood but, again, there’s nothing. No wound, no pain—just dried blood.
He wonders if the blood belongs to anyone else and starts to panic. He looks up frustratedly, freezing as he is reminded of the figure at the end of the pier. He still hasn’t moved.
Warily, he takes a step forward and raises his voice a little, “Hey, uh, where am I?”
There’s no response and he frowns. “What the fuck is going on?” He mutters under his breath.
Buck looks down, the floor underneath his shoes is pale blue. It looks like the pier is the only thing not completely devoid of colour in this weird, unfamiliar landscape.
He starts walking, tension knots his shoulders the closer he gets to the person. No longer using the railing for support, he walks quicker, his eagerness for answers propelling him forward. When he’s about a cars-length away from the person he stops, uncertainty preventing him from taking another step. He’s close enough to make out the features on his face but he still has no idea who he is. His shoulders slump, he’s not any closer to figuring out what’s going on.
The figure seems to know him though, “This wasn’t exactly how I expected to meet you.” His voice is low and deep yet it’s wrapped in a whistle, soothing and unnerving at the same time.
Buck tilts his head, “You know me?”
The figure nods, “Yes.”
“Do I know you?” Buck studies his face, hoping something will jog his memory.
“Perhaps.”
“Should I know you?” He tries instead.
The figure smiles a small smile, “Yes and no. I don’t expect you to recognise but I assume, by this point, you should have heard of me.”
Buck huffs loudly, “Can you just tell me who you are and what this fucking place is. I don’t have time for all this riddle shit.”
The figure's blue eyes narrow fixing him in place with a stare, “On the contrary Evan Buckley the time you have is eternal. You are not in any position to be making demands.”
He holds his hands up apologetically, “I’m sorry. I just don’t know where I am and I don’t know why I’m covered in blood and—and you’re the only person here. Look, dude, can you please just tell me who you are and how I leave? Is there like a door somewhere?” He looks around for an exit route and, unsurprisingly, he doesn't find one. He suddenly has a thought and takes a step back, “Wait. How can I trust you? What if you’re the reason for this blood?”
“I assure you Evan, I am not your enemy.”
“Buck.”
“I’m sorry?”
Buck rubs the back of his neck nervously, “Please, call me Buck. I don’t really go by Evan.”
The figure’s gaze is piercing, “I see. Apologies…Buck.” He appears to test the name on his tongue before taking a step closer to him. “I think it’s only fair that I introduce myself now. My name is Daniel.”
Buck’s brain short-circuits, “Daniel?”
The figure—Daniel— stands taller and holds out his hand in greeting. “Daniel Buckley, it’s good to see you again Buck.”
He shakes his hand, dazed, he asks, “We’ve met before?”
“You don’t remember?”
Buck shakes his head, his hand still gripping Daniel’s.
“After you got struck by lightning I visited you while you were in a coma. Granted, I was playing a character at the time, but we still met.”
He pinches his forehead, “My head hurts. Yeah, I vaguely remember that now but you don’t look like how you looked in that freakish dream. You were… older?” He frowns, confused beyond belief.
Daniel nods, “Yes but that was for a particular reason. I prefer to stay in my younger form. I never got to see myself at twenty-five but I’ve found that of all the ages I could transition into— this one’s my favourite.”
Buck runs his fingers through his hair, “I’m going crazy, this is not real. Am I in another coma?” He starts to pace up and down in the short distance between himself and Daniel, muttering to nobody in particular.
He’s stopped by a hand on his shoulder, “Buck we need to talk.”
Buck throws his hand off of him in frustration, “Wait if I’m not in a coma, why are you here?”
At that, Daniel’s face goes solemn and his gaze turns serious. Buck swallows, sudden apprehension flooding his veins.
“You died, Buck.”
He stops in his tracks, “What?”
Daniel stays silent letting the revelation soak in.
Buck struggles to make sense of what he’s just been told. There’s no right way to react to being told you’re supposedly dead, he just shakes his head in denial. “I’m not dead.”
“You’re dead, Buck,” he repeats.
“Stop saying that,” He clenches his fist. “I can’t be dead, I’m not,” he whispers to himself. He looks around again, his resolve beginning to weaken, “I’m… dead?”
Daniel looks at him sympathetically, “Yes.”
Buck drops to the floor then, arms hugging his knees, “How?” He questions, struggling to comprehend what his dead brother is telling him.
Daniel’s eyes flick down to his stained shirt and Buck follows their path. He looks down, brows furrowed, “This is how I died?”
His brother holds out his hand and Buck takes it, using it to help him get back on his feet once more. Once he’s standing, Daniel continues, “Yes, you were impaled by a steel beam in a collapsed building. You recklessly ran back into a building to save a little girl, didn’t heed the warnings of your captain and unfortunately, the building was unstable. You managed to save the little girl but it was too late for you. The whole thing collapsed and the beam went right through you. There was no way for your team to reach you either. You succumbed to your injuries within minutes.”
Buck gently places a hand over the area, disbelief painted on his face. “This is insane.” He throws an arm out, “So what I’m in… heaven now?”
Daniel sighs, “Not exactly.”
Buck pinches the bridge of his nose, “This is like getting blood from a stone. Where am I, Daniel?” He asks more forcefully.
A muscle in his jaw twitches, “Purgatory.”
Buck laughs without humour, “You’re joking right? Purgatory? Really?” When Daniel doesn't respond he takes a step back, arms crossed over his chest, “Why am I in purgatory?” Confusion is laced into his tone, “Isn’t purgatory a form of punishment before you’re allowed into heaven? What am I being punished for? I swear I didn’t know Maddie was saving that cookie for herself.” He holds his hands up in defence.
Daniel’s eyes crinkle at the sides, “It’s not about the cookie Buck,” he says softly. “You’re getting a second chance.”
He tilts his head, “A second chance to do what?”
“To stop Eddie from leaving.”
Buck throws his hands out to the sides in exasperation, “Now I’m really lost here. What does Eddie leaving have to with me ‘dying’?” He puts the word dying in air quotes because he’s still not a hundred percent sure that he’s not in a dream.
Daniel moves forward, throwing a “Walk with me,” over his shoulder to Buck who does so petulantly. “This world has many different timelines,” he starts. “For example, there’s a timeline where you and Christopher were never on the pier, one where Maddie and Eddie end up together”— Buck scrunches his nose up at this— “and one where you stop Eddie from going to El Paso.”
Buck fails to see where he’s going with this. “So Eddie doesn’t go to El Paso? Then what?” His heart pangs when he thinks of the people he’s left behind—Eddie— if he really is dead.
His brother turns to him with a curious look in his eyes, “Isn’t it obvious? You live.”
“What?” Buck breathes. “Let me get this straight,” he starts slowly, “if Eddie leaves I die and if he stays I live.”
Daniel nods. “Something like that.”
“And you or some higher being or the universe—whatever, is giving me the chance to come back to life if I somehow go back in time and stop Eddie from moving to El Paso?” Disbelief is evident in his tone, the whole thing sounding so ridiculous he doesn’t even know where to start.
“The whole rewinding time thing you can leave to us,” Daniel states very seriously.
Buck tries to keep the amusement off of his face, “Oh okay. Perfect. I can just leave the rewinding time to you can I?” The sentence is dripping in sarcasm but his brother either doesn’t notice or just ignores him. “I have a few more questions.”
“Go ahead.”
He clears his throat, “One, why are we on a pier? Two, why don’t I remember how I died and three, what happens if I don’t get him to stay?”
“We’re on a pier because it’s one of your strongest memories. This place invokes powerful emotions in you and it’s a good grounding environment. One that can easily be tied to your mortal life purely because of the memory it holds. When you see this pier what do you think of?”
“Christopher,” Buck says instantly.
“Exactly,” Daniel clicks his fingers. “Your love for him— and by extension his father, is tied to this place. It’s recognisable to you, familiar in an unfamiliar way.”
“Okay that makes sense I guess,” Buck admits.
“As for your death memory, it’s very common for those who end up in purgatory to not remember their final moments. It’s something to do with how temporary this place is. Infinite and ephemeral. I actually have your memory in this locket,” he pulls out a chain from under his shirt, “do you want to see it?”
He might as well as join the insanity circus, “Sure,” he shrugs as if it’s just another day at the fire station.
The sirens are loud as Buck stands with the rest of the 118 surveying the partially collapsed building. He looks around confused, isn’t he supposed to be dead?
He snorts, “Guys you will not believe the crazy dream I just had.”
Nobody reacts to his voice as they stare intently at the wreckage. It’s then that Buck realises that he recognises this building and the reality of what’s happening dawns on him.
“We need to get him outta there,” Bobby says, his voice calm but Buck notices the slight tremble betraying his fear.
Are they talking about him? “Guys, who are we getting out of there?”
Bobby brings the radio closer to his mouth, “Buck you need to get out as fast as you can, the building is on the verge of collapse and we can’t come and get you!”
It’s a strange feeling to hear your voice come out of someone else so he’s startled when his own voice comes back over the radio. Crackly, but unmistakably his.
“We’re on our way, Cap. I found the daughter, she was scared outta her mind in the back but I got her. We’re almost there.”
“You better be, I’m not telling Mad—”
Chimney’s interrupted by Buck shouting over the radio. “It’s collapsing! I can hear the building move. Get ready guys, I’m handing her over to you, we’re here.”
Bobby and Hen breathe a sigh of relief, their shoulders relaxing before sprinting towards the gap in the wall. Buck runs with them, dread sitting heavy in his stomach. It’s starting to come back to him. He watches as the young girl is passed over to Hen who immediately begins checking her over.
Chim walks over to the wall, “Buck!” He shouts, ears straining to hear a response.
“Buck,” the young girl repeats in her tiny voice, pointing to the wall. Hen frowns, head tilted curiously at Bobby. “Why isn’t he out yet, Cap?”
Bobby purses his lips and shakes his head slightly, concern brewing on his face. “Buck?” He questions into the radio.
There’s a scuffle and some scraping before Buck’s voice pours out the radio, “I—,” he coughs, “I think I’m trapped.”
“Trapped? What do you mean you’re trapped?” Bobby can’t keep the worry out of his voice.
“Uh… Cap you should come see this.” Chimney says, peering into the hole with his flashlight.
Heart in his throat, Bobby jogs over, grabbing the flashlight from Chim and taking a look at the debris. A few yards from the entrance Buck lays on the floor, face twisted in pain as a piece of steel spears him to the floor. Blood is seeping out of the wound and pooling onto the floor. Buck turns his face in their direction, all colour drained from it, eyes fluttering from the strength to keep them open.
“Buck,” Bobby croaks, fingers trembling over the radio button.
Hen comes over to join them, hand over her mouth as the gravity of the situation sinks in.
Bobby swallows and in the softest voice he asks, “How bad is it, kid?”
More coughing. “I’ll be honest Cap it’s not great,” he’s quiet for a moment, “think the blood’s in my lungs.”
Hen makes a muffled sound, evidence of her sorrow hidden behind the weight of her hand.
Bobby moves away from the wall, Chim and Hen in tow.
“Cap we can’t just leave him there we gotta get him.”
Chim shakes his head mournfully, “The whole building could collapse. It’s not safe.”
With tears shining in her eyes she raises her voice, “We can’t just leave him there! He’s all alone!” She turns her head to Bobby, “I’ll go,” she offers.
Bobby shakes his head, “It’s too dangerous.”
“But cap—”
Bobby holds up his hand, “It’s too dangerous for you so I’m going to go.”
Chim frowns, “What? No. Either all three of us go in there or none of us.”
Bobby sighs frustratedly, “We don’t have time for this. Chim, Hen, you both have families, kids —they need you. I can’t have anything happen to you. I’ll go in there with him and give him company.”
Hen raises her eyebrows, “Athena?”
Bobby grits his teeth, “She understands the job and would do the same thing if she was here. I’m not having this conversation anymore we're losing time. You two stay here,” he orders.
Disagreement with the choice is clear on Hen and Chim’s faces but they accept defeat, stepping aside to let Bobby pass. Hen’s eyes fill with tears as she watches him go, her gaze locking with Chim’s as a silent thought passes between them. They can’t lose Bobby too.
Bobby reaches the entrance to the hole and braces his hands against the exposed brick, taking a few deep breaths he stands tall, hands massaging the area above his heart to alleviate some of the pain he’s feeling. Flipping the visor over his face, he steps through, walking as fast and as careful as he can to the body lying on the ground.
Quickly he drops to his knees, assessing the situation before him. It’s bad, there’s no question about it. Gently, he pulls Buck’s helmet off his head, “Hey kid.” His smile is warped with pain.
Buck’s eyes flutter with the strength of keeping them open, “Hey Cap,” he coughs, “guess my luck finally—,” cough, “Caught up to me huh?” His tired smile is bloodstained and Bobby winces.
Bobby lifts a trembling hand to stroke his hair, sniffling he says, “You’re going to be fine.”
Heaving a breath Buck rolls his eyes, “I’m dying not blind Bobby.” He shivers.
Reaching into his bag, Bobby pulls out a foil blanket and drapes it across Buck’s body, who sighs at the feeling.
Teeth chattering, “Hey, um Bobby? Could you tell Eddie it’s not his fault? I know he’s going to blame himself for not being here but there was nothing he could have done.” He manages to croak out.
Bobby nods, “Of course,” he manages a small smile.
“Tell Maddie that I’m sorry and that she should tell Jee all about her amazing uncle. He loves her so much.” Tears fall from his eyes. “I love you guys, you’ve been my family for so long. Tell Hen and Chim I love them too.” His voice wobbles, “Christopher—you gotta tell them, Bobby.”
A sob begins to crawl its way up Bobby’s throat, “I got it Buck, I’ll make sure they know.” A loud noise has Bobby looking around, trying to determine if the building is going to collapse on them both. He grabs Buck’s limp hand, “I’m here, you’re not alone. We’re with you, Chim and Hen too.”
Blood leaks from the corner of his mouth, his eyes find Bobby, eyelids halfway shut as he begins to take deep guttural breaths. A small tear runs down Bobby’s face, landing on the tip of Buck’s fingers which were tightly clasped with his own. “I love you, kid.”
Slowly and quietly the life seeps out of him and like a thief in the night he was gone.
Bobby’s head drops to his body and he sobs, grief evident in his voice as he’s finally allowed to break. His hand's claw at the boy— man—he treated like a son as his tears stain his uniform, just like the blood does.
Somewhere, outside, he hears Hen howl, a cry-scream leaving her lips as she drops to her knees, Chim desperately failing to grab her as tears fall from his own eyes.
“I think I’ve seen enough now. I’m ready to go back.” His chest feels hollow as he watches the scene unfold before him. His lifeless body covered in white being wheeled into the ambulance while his team—his family—watches helplessly.
Daniel observes him, “What was it like to watch yourself die like that?”
Buck laughs, shaking his head slightly, “I don’t think I can explain it.” He swallows, “I wasn’t even focused on me I was too busy watching everyone else. It was… painful. I wanted to take their pain away but I was the cause of it?” He drags a hand down his face, “I can’t do that again, can’t see them like that.”
A hand lands on his shoulder and Daniel meets his gaze, “You won’t have to. I promise.”
Buck nods. “Well, what now?”
Daniel stands tall, “Now… I send you back. I must ask you, are you ready Evan Buckley, to save yourself?”
His gaze pierces him and suddenly Buck isn’t so sure about the task at hand. Before he can voice his concerns, Daniel clicks his fingers.