Chapter Text
1936
Bina stared out at the water. She’d always felt out of place. Like she belonged somewhere else, as if something was tugging at her neshama, calling her far away. Mame always said it was because Bubbe and Zaydee were thinking about her. They hadn’t visited them in ages. Seeing them for the high holidays and Simchat Torah wasn’t nearly enough time.
If only you weren’t so far.
“Bina bee, there you are! I’ve been looking for you.” Joe ran towards her, his honey colored eyes glowing with warmth. He wore a cheesy grin on his face.
“Why? What happened?”
“Nothing. I just missed you.”
Color rushed to her cheeks at the admission. She dropped her gaze, pretending to smooth her skirt out. “Missed you too,” she said quietly.
“Good.” He laughed as he sat down, a few inches of space between them. Quiet enveloped them. She couldn’t begin to count how many times they’d sat like this. There was a familiarity to it all that calmed her neshama, that made her feel as though nothing could go wrong. It had always been the two of them, as long as she could remember. I can’t imagine life without him.
She stole a glance at him, meeting his gaze as he was already looking at her, his honey—colored eyes warm and inviting. Her heart pounded in her chest. “You’re staring,” she whispered, though no one was nearby.
“Just enjoying the view.” His signature smirk appeared on his lips as he spoke.
Heat warmed her cheeks. She tried to think of something — anything — to say, but came up with nothing to her avail. She nodded instead, never dropping her gaze.
Hesitantly, she moved closer. It was as though an unseen force was pulling her closer to him. At the last moment, she pulled back.
“S–Sorry.” How stupid I am? We can’t do anything. I shouldn’t have done that. “Don’t apologize. I would’ve done the same.”
Neither of them spoke for a few moments. For the first time, there was an awkwardness between them. “Race you to the water,” she said suddenly. She scrambled to her feet and slipped her dress off, revealing her swimsuit underneath. It was a navy blue one piece with three—quarter sleeves and a skirt that hit just above her knees. Kicking up sand, she headed toward the water.
“Wait for me, will ya?” he said, laughing.
Looking back for a brief moment, she watched him stumble. Once she was close enough, she dove into the water. It was a relief from the humid weather. There was another splash from behind and she turned around.
A smirk played across her lips and she splashed water at him, getting him right in the face.
“You did not!” he laughed, splashing her back.
Chaos ensued as a splash fight of epic proportions began. She stumbled backwards, nearly falling underwater. He was right on top of her, continuing to splash her.
“Stop, stop. I surrender.” Laughter bubbled in her chest. Her hair was soaking, hanging limply around her face. Brushing it out of her eyes, she tilted her head back to look at the sky. It was inky blue. There was no moonlight, only darkness.
She found it alluring. Peaceful. “It’s like we’re the only people who exist.”
“Right now, we are. Nothing else matters.” His voice sent goosebumps down her arms.
They lapsed into silence. So many words sat on the tip of her tongue, though none seemed adequate.
“You okay?”
“Just thinking.” She didn’t take her eyes off the sky. There was a beauty to the darkness, to what was hiding just beyond.
“Can we get out? I’m freezing my tuchus off,” he said through chattering teeth.
They ran back to shore. Crossing her arms over her chest, she shivered. “We should head back. I still haven’t davened ma’ariv.”
He chuckled as he tossed his shirt on, “Me either.”
She picked her dress off and shook the sand out before putting it back on. Her saddle shoes were next. “Ready to go?”
“Not really.” Longing . The walk back to the apartment passed too quickly for her liking. Something in her neshama was telling her not to go in. Something was wrong, though she didn’t know what.
“Bee?”
“Something doesn’t feel right.” Her words were tainted with sadness. “I don’t know.”
Sighing, she forced the door open and headed for the stairs. Joe was right behind her. Two flights of stairs later, they were standing in front of her door.
Neither of them spoke, wanting to prolong this moment for however long they could. Leaning against the wall, he smiled, expression softening. In the light of the hallway, his eyes were so light, they looked golden. They were intoxicating to look into.
How she longed to reach out and hold his hand, if only for a brief moment. “Goodnight, Joe,” she said softly.
“Goodnight, Bina bee.” A dusting of pink blossomed on her cheeks. She stepped inside, the all—too familiar scent of rose hitting her nose. “Mame, Tate, I’m home.”
Footsteps padded against the floor. They appeared in the hall, expressions stony. Mame’s eyes were puffy, as though she’d been crying.
I didn’t want to be right. I didn’t want to be right. “What’s wrong?”
“Your bubbe and zaydee are sick. Your auntie is on vacation and can’t get back soon enough.”
A twinge of pain seized her chest. “What does that mean? Who’s going to take care of them?”
The silence was telling. Mame only confirmed it. “We are. We leave for Warsaw in a few days.”
An indescribable ache seized her chest. What about Joe?
“What about school? How long will we be there? I have friends here. I mean, Joe…” she trailed off, tears welling in her eyes.
“I know, bubbeleh.” Mame wrapped her in a tight hug. Tears soaked her nightgown. This wasn’t supposed to happen. “I’m not sure yet. Probably a few months.”
“Can I go tell him?”
The silence that followed gave her the answer she expected. “In the morning. It’s late.”
Nodding, she walked to her room. Her heart was heavy. She shut the door slowly, careful not to wake anyone. Slipping out of her clothes and into a nightgown, she sat down on one of the mattresses. Bina reached for her siddur, starting to daven ma’ariv. Her thoughts were scattered, spinning like a tornado. What’s going to happen? Are they safe? Will we be?
“Chaya, are you awake?” There was no response. Sighing, she turned back to her siddur. A while later, she set her siddur aside and lay down. She found herself thinking about Joe. How his eyes were always so warm and inviting. She wondered what it would be like to hold his hand. What it would be like to kiss him.
What is wrong with me? I can’t think that. He’s my friend.
Even as it crossed her mind, she knew it wasn’t true. He was so much more. He was the person she went to for everything. He knew everything about her, including her deepest fears. No matter what happened, she wanted him by her side.
Always. As she closed her eyes, the last thing she saw in her mind was him smiling at her.
Sleep eluded her. She’d spent much of the night, tossing and turning. With her siddur open, Bina started to daven shacharis. Chaya and the others were already awake, surely in the kitchen helping with breakfast. Once she finished davening, she got dressed.
She settled on a pale pink dress with a cream cardigan. Her curls were still defined so she headed to the kitchen.
Tate was already gone, no doubt already at shul. Liev, Mendel, Hershel, Moishe, and Dudel were wrapping tefillin. Mame, Chaya, Esther, Leah, Tamar, and Zipporah were finishing preparing breakfast. “Ah, Bina. Set this on the table, please.”
Mame handed her a plate of bagels with lox. She set it on the table, struggling to find an empty space. “I’m moving these. ” The flowers were in full bloom, their sweet scent filling the room. Taking a minute, she stared at the pink and purple blooms, their beauty unmatched. How beautiful they are. She was so enamored she didn’t notice the door opening and shutting.
“What are we looking at?”
She met Joe’s gaze, a small smile tugging at her lips. However, it disappeared just as quickly.
“Something is wrong,” he said softly.
She nodded. “I have to tell you something.” I can’t do this. I can’t leave him. “Mame, I’m going for a walk with Joe.”
“Take your things.” She reached for her bag and slung it over her shoulder before grabbing a couple bagels from the table. “I love you, bubbeleh.”
“Love you too,” she said, shutting the door behind her. They walked outside in silence as they ate. It didn’t take her long to finish eating. She hadn't eaten since dinner last night and that had been early.
Her heart was at war as she tried to figure out what to say.
The sun was already in the sky, though the slight breeze made it comfortable. She fidgeted with the sleeves of her cardigan, stalling the inevitable. “My bubbe and zaydee are sick.” Grant them a refuah shlemah. Please. I can’t lose them.
“Oy, I’m so sorry, Bina bee.”
“That’s not all.” She took a breath to steady herself. “We’re leaving in a few days for Warsaw. We’re going to take care of them and I don’t know how long we’re going to be gone.”
His expression crumbled at the words. She’d seen him upset before. Never like this, though. All the light in his honey colored eyes was gone, replaced by a void.
“I’m so sorry.” Her voice broke. Sadness turned his eyes dark, taking all the light away.
She wanted nothing more than to hug him tight. To feel his arms around her, comforting her. Fighting back tears, she met his gaze once again. “I wish I could stay.”
“I know.”
The walk to school seemed to take ages. Neither of them spoke. So many words sat on the tip of her tongue. None could describe the heartbreak she felt.
Upon arriving, they went their separate ways to their first class.
“Bina, there you are.” Raizel sat at her desk, doodling in her notebook. Her blonde hair was braided, tied back with two ribbons. She’d moved here a few months ago, the two becoming fast friends.
Slipping into her seat, she nodded. “Morning, Raizel.”
“What’s wrong? You seem a little blue.”
She sighed. “We’re moving to Warsaw.”
Her eyes went wide at this. “Says which?”
“My parents. In a few days.”
Frowning, she reached for her hand. “Well, we have to do something before you go. And promise you’ll write.”
Bina nodded. “Of course.”
Class started moments later. She was grateful, though her mind was hardly focused. It passed by in a blur and soon it was on to the next. Joe was already there, sitting in his usual seat. He waved and she rushed to sit next to him.
“How was first class?”
“Couldn’t focus. I doubt that’s going to happen now, though.”
He gasped. “Are you saying I’m a distraction?”
“Only since forever,” she whispered.
A smirk played across his lips. Butterflies flew around in her stomach. To her relief, Mrs. Jones walked in moments later. “Today we will be doing cursive drills.”
A bunch of people groaned. Bina, however, loved it. Ever since she was young, she loved writing letters. Mame and Tate had made her practice cursive Yiddish as well, so she had a strong foundation. Mrs. Jones handed out the papers. She got to work, taking care with each stroke. A while later, she turned her paper in. Once back at her desk, she took a book out of her bag and began to read.
It didn’t take long before being interrupted.
“Do you think she’ll notice if you do mine?”
Why am I not surprised? Still, she couldn’t keep the grin off her face. “Yes, I do. Now, let me read.”
To her relief, the rest of the day passed quicker than the morning.
“Bina bee, you ready to go?” He leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest.
“I guess so.” Wistfulness filled her voice as she spoke. Who knows when I’ll be back here? Or if I’ll come back?
They walked outside, the heat sweltering. If there was one thing she wouldn’t miss, it was the heat.
Heavy silence hung over them, a storm cloud threatening to burst. “Talk to me, Bee.”
“I’m scared.” Her voice was scarcely above a whisper. “What if I never come back?”
He stopped and turned to face her. His voice was firm, though it didn’t match the softness in his expression. “You will. I’ll come get you if I have to.”
The ghost of a smile tugged at her lips. “You promise?”
“I promise. No matter what happens, we’ll find each other again.” What he said next was so quiet she nearly missed it. “I love you.”