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Hyeonjoon once experienced being held at gun point, literally. It was a rush of adrenaline together with an unusual rush of thoughts of everything. He didn’t know the reason if he was not mistaken as to why he reached unto that traumatic scene cause all he remembered was he was walking quite happily in a busy street. All Hyeonjoon thought was that the overwhelming presence of overall emotions was buried down to the core even if he was able to recover unto what had happened.
Until he was transferred to one of the best teams in his region.
Hyeonjoon’s fear to meet the teams’ expectations to him was running through his blood for how long since he was acquired. Though the teams’ coaches and captain, his Sanghyeok-hyung, told him to be just on his own. But he couldn’t avoid the fact that he’s afraid. Considering he was now with new teammates, except with Minhyung and Minseok, who became his teammates to different teams also (Minhyung to Kespa Cup 2018 and Minseok to DRX 2020). And knowing that the previous top laner, Choi Wooje or Zeus, is one of the best top laners the whole game esports have.
What fears him is the thought of unsynergized play with his current jungler, Hyeonjun. The moment he stepped into the new team’s building, he was greeted by Hyeonjun at his first stream as a new member of the team.
“Hyeonjun-ssi?” the younger initiated the conversation as the younger went to his streaming room.
He looked behind to meet his gaze and shook hands for a handshake “Oh, hello.”
“Nice to meet you. See you around.” Hyeonjun giggled, interchanging with Hyeonjoon’s laugh as he went back to his own stream room.
Hyeonjoon admits that the latter (the youngest to the team) has this intimidating aura that he cannot deny. He can’t help himself but be in awe of Hyeonjun’s presence that he wanted to befriend him, yet he was afraid of him also (in a way that he can’t keep up to his vibe). Plus, they have the same names that adds to the awkwardness and factor to make him close to his.
He just hopes that everything will go well into making Hyeonjun as his friend in the end after all.
‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.
Paris. He went back to this place that once was filled with a bittersweet taste in his tongue as his previous team was defeated into this lovely city. This time, he was competing for an event the team had. He never experienced doing this much of work to his previous teams, that made him think deliberately if going to a team where his favorite player (his captain) was good. Was it really good?
He tried to shrug his thoughts, trying the might of not dwelling into the past even if it was painful to him.
“Dojun-ah, are you okay?” his Uijin-hyung asked.
Hyeonjoon nodded and smiled at the elder, convincing him that he was fine.
As they walked right into the food chain where they would eat their dinner, he found himself at the trap of Sanghyeok’s humor, together with Hyeonjun.
“Hyeonjoon-ah” Sanghyeok started.
“Eo?” Hyeonjun replied.
Hyeonjoon with confusion in his eyes “Was it me?”
For a couple of seconds into the silence of the team, Sanghyeok laughed, knowing he put both of them into his own trap of teasing both of them.
Hyeonjun, without hesitation, blabbered “Hyung, if you are going to just tease me and Hyeonjoon-ssi because of our names, I am going to kick your ass until the new season is over.”
“Okay, I won’t tease both of you. But hey, you are still calling Hyeonie as Hyeojoon-ssi? He was older than you, you can call him hyung already!” Sanghyeok reiterated.
Minhyung on the other hand, as he was busy typing into his phone (probably chatting Minseok what was happening), added “Hyung was right.”
Hyeonjoon saw blood running down to Hyeeonjun’s ear and neck, and the younger met his gaze for a short time that made him look away, finding ways not to be anxious to what Hyeonjun might answer.
“Ehh? We are still not yet close! Both of us have the same name so it is kinda awkward to say hyung to someone with the same name as yours.” the younger replied.
Exactly, Hyeonjoon said in his mind. For him, it is fine that the younger called him with formality and he understood what the younger was saying. Both of them were still adjusting in a slow pace, unlike Sanghyeok who was used to the changing environment. So Hyeonjoon understood.
But he lingered into the question of their captain. When will Hyeonjun be able to call him ‘hyung’? When will the younger be able to adapt into his presence?
He was curious, as he was excited. To be called hyung, to be Hyeonjun’s friend.
‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.
On one random stream with the team at night, Hyeonjoon felt like his stomach was finding something to eat. He knew he was a light-eater eversince and trying to have a healthy food diet to maintain his body fit and well. Not until he found himself craving most of the time with waffles. He couldn’t help but have the heart to buy a midnight snack as the stream was ongoing.
Hyeonjoon has the habit of buying for his teammates and friends too. In the game’s chat, he messaged Uijin first, then Sanghyeok.
Hyeonjoon
Hyung.
You want waffles?
I pay.
Uijin
Waa~
What’s with the treat?
I like blueberry waffles :D
Thank you-mo!
Hyeonjoon
^^
Hyeonjoon
Sanghyeokie-hyung
You want waffles?
I pay.
Sanghyeok
^^
Thankyou hehe
I want Oreo waffles
Hyeonjoon was filled with smiles, knowing that his two hyungs had accepted his invitation. Since Minhyung was not streaming, he was wondering if he would also send him waffles. Until he remembered another member who was streaming right this hour also.
The maknae.
He thought that this would be the opportunity for him to get close with Hyeonjun. So he messaged him, trying to take a shot.
Hyeonjoon
Jjunie~
Hyeonjun
Yes?
Hyeonjoon
I buy waffles
My treat
You want?
Hyeonjun
Waffles?
Pass :’>
I’m not a fan of waffles, Hyeonjoon-ssi~
When the younger one sent the last message, Hyeonjoon felt defeated. Sure, he wanted to slightly force him to try it but maybe the latter would be angry at him. So he didn’t want to try again. Maybe next time, he thought. So he bought the waffles for him, Sanghyeok, and Uijin then went back to play and stream. After a couple of minutes, the notification of the food delivery chimed his phone, notifying that his order was there already. He went down to the building to get the food and he gave those to the elders. Uijin and Sanghyeok couldn’t help but be thankful again. As he was headed down to his stream room, he saw that Hyeonjun’s room was slightly open so he peaked through it. He saw the young man too focused on the game and malding about their support. Hyeonjoon couldn’t help but release small giggles that were barely audible.
It was a fun sight for him to see how Hyeonjun always reacts to games, though for quite some time, he found it a little louder, resulting in him putting on his headphones.
But maybe he will get used to it.
On the other day, another streaming schedule happened. As the time went by, he was baffled when out of nowhere, Hyeonjun sent a message to him.
Hyeonjun
Hyunggg~
Let’s order!
Hyeonjoon was confused. Order what?
Hyeonjoon
Hhhmm
Order what?
Hyeonjun
Malatang
Let’s eat
Oh, he thought. So now, the younger one was inviting to eat with him? But for him, the only tolerable Malatang he could eat was the one his mother was cooking. It’s not that he was comparing his mother’s cooking skills to others, but he just didn’t like buying it from stores. Home cooked food is best when it comes from his own family, as per him. As much as he wanted to eat with Hyeonjun, he replied.
Hyeonjoon
I’ll pass for now
Sorry, Jjunie~
He was kinda burdened to turn down the younger’s offer but he couldn’t help himself but to do it. He stared at the chat, waiting for the younger to reply until he noticed the first message that Hyeonjun initiated.
Hyung.
He called him hyung. Was this for real this time? Do walls now crumble down? Hyeonjoon felt his lips curling down to show his smile. He felt easiness because finally, they could take all the time to deeply strengthen their synergy as top laner and jungler. He could finally be at ease knowing that there would be no tensions to their games.
He smiled, hoping that everything would goes smoothly as it is.
‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.
Another season has started. The whole team was ready to unload and play to the stage again. Knowing that he was new to the team, Hyeonjoon felt again the rush of nervousness around his body. The weight of expectations started to flow again in his thought that he hopefully wanted to overcome eversince. This is just a game, you can do it, he said in his own mind while sitting unto one of the gaming chairs at the waiting room and playing for leisure and to lessen the stress.
As he was playing, he saw someone sitting beside him yet he didn’t mind looking at the person who they were.
“You gonna play while waiting?” He heard from a familiar voice which he instinctively knew.
Hyeonjoon nodded “Yeah, to relieve pressure”
“I guess you need to calm down, hyung.” Hyeonjun answered.
Hyeonjoon faced the younger, confused “This is my way of calming down, though”
“I know. What I mean is, think about this like our scrimmages. You’ve been doing well and I know you will do good.”
The only thing Hyeonjoon did was to stare at Hyeonjun. He never thought he would hear such words, perfectly reminding him. He saw sincerity towards the maknae’s eyes and for some reason, he wanted to drown into that sincerity because at this point, he felt nothing but comfort.
“Just.. be Hyeonjoon. We don’t need you to be someone else. We need you to be Hyeonjoon.” Hyeonjun added as he smiled towards the elder and patted his shoulder.
That struck Hyeonjoon because he never felt so reassured to someone’s reminder of his identity as a player that he has built for years. And among all, it was Hyeonjun who said it, someone younger than him yet full of wisdom to his body. This time, he wondered. How well would he want to know his teammates? How well would he dive into their lives to know them personally as it is? How well would he be deluded to Hyeonjun’s presence that he reached the point of wanting to know him? He didn’t know. And now that he recognized this, does he fear it? He guessed so.
Yet he wanted this type of feeling. A rush of emotions but not because of fear. This was full of serenity. He felt serene when Hyeonjun was around. Or when typically having conversation with him.
Anywhere and anything, as long as it’s both of them.
‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.
Another match was played as they won against an opponent. Minhyung and Sanghyeok were doing sidecourt interviews while Hyeonjun was doing one at the main arena. Hyeonjoon and Minseok on the other hand helped each other to clean and fix their things at the waiting area so that when those interviews were done, they would be good to go. As they were fixing, Minseok spoke.
“You’ve been doing great games with Hyeonjun and Sanghyeok-hyung lately, hyung. That’s good!”
Hyeonjoon smiled “They most likely helped me, though. Especially Sanghyeok hyung. Whenever I engaged to small and big spots, he always backed me up. Same goes by with Jjunie.”
Minseok looked at him with a smile and also stared at his face, “I’m glad you’re having a great time here, hyung.”
“I’m glad you welcomed me that much, Minseok-ah” he replied and patted his shoulder.
The good thing was both of them were finished already as their teammates and coaches called it a day and would head back to their dormitories. The manager notified them that they would do live for the fans as they were in their big van.
As the live rolled by, the manager asked them how they felt after winning a game. The five of them replied that they all feel good and were ecstatic again to win more games. To unload the pressure after the match, the manager prepared a mini-game for them where they would take a guess about something.
Before the game started, Hyeonjun talked to Hyeonjoon.
“Hyung, let’s take a picture. I’ll send it to the fans.”
Then he got his phone as quickly as it was and Hyeonjoon fumbled. How did the younger got it so easily without batting an eye on him? Unprepared, Hyeonjun took a shot. Despite not looking, Hyeonjoon felt embarrassed because he was not looking at the picture either.
“You took the picture without me looking and you sent it to fans? Crazy.” the elder baffled, resulting in Hyeonjun to laugh.
When the mini-game started, their head cap was distributed one by one and as they received it, the manager gave the word cards they would guess and they put it at their foreheads, sticking at the cap. They started the game and Hyeonjoon was the first. The team realized that he put the word upside down, resulting in Minseok laughing loudly. As he laughed out of embarrassment and removed the word carefully and not an inch of trying to peak on it. As he would put back the card again, Hyeonjun swiftly got the card away from the elder’s hand and put it gently to Hyeonjoon’s forehead. The latter was too stunned by what the younger did, like how his brain got a short circuit and felt like it was not functioning.
But he couldn’t let the others be weirded so he went back to his senses. He started guessing what was written in the card.
“They came from eggs or they came from stomach?” he started.
“From eggs.”
As Hyeonjoon was thinking, Minhyung, Minseok, and Hyeonjun found a way to tease their new teammate.
“He’s good.” Minseok and Hyeonjun said in unison.
Minhyung added, “He’s good on giving questions.” It rang a bell on Hyeonjoon, thinking that maybe he was doing good and not knowingly he fell into the trap of his younger teammates. For him, there were a lot of animals that came from eggs so it was so broad for him to spit an answer right after, yet Hyeonjoon’s mind was not quite present in the situation.
Half-absentmindedly, Hyeonjoon thought of what could be the answer. “Is it an eagle?”
02z trio, tried not to laugh in the situation. “Why is he so good at this?”
Hyeonjun added “How can he guess that?”
The elder did not hesitate to ask “I’m right?”
The manager straightly said “Wrong!” that made everyone, even him, laugh. As he picked the card into his forehead, he saw that the word was ‘sea gull’. He remained laughing softly on his own but he didn’t care. The guessing game continued to happen to his teammates until it ended and said a farewell message for the fans watching the livestream.
Yet one thing stuck in Hyeonjoon's mind. It’s how Hyeonjun acted to him a while ago that stunned him for a short time. He never asked for help, the younger one just did it on his own. Thoughts were running down his mind again. Has he been like this eversince? Does he do it on others too?
The whole ride was quiet on his side, and he didn’t complain. As they reached their dormitories and unloaded themselves, he remained silent until Hyeonjun asked him.
“Hyung, are you okay?”
Hyeonjoon slightly rattled inside, but chose to remain in his composure, “Yeah. Why would you ask that?”
Hyeonjun shrugged, “You’re quiet during the remaining hours of travel. Maybe something’s bothering you.”
Hyeonjoon was amused. He really does observe people, huh? “You really take care of your teammates, ‘no?”
The younger one looked at him and Hyeonjoon felt some electricity running down his spine. “Well… I really love taking care of my top laners.” And suddenly zoomed inside their dormitory.
At first, Hyeonjoon couldn’t take but smile at what Hyeonjun had said until he repeated his words.
I really love taking care of my top laners.
And that’s when his thoughts ran wild again into his mind. Maybe Hyeonjun is caring for everyone; he’s just putting a different point of view on his own.
‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.
Eversince that day, Hyeonjoon had never failed to think about what happened. It’s quite consuming him and he didn’t know what to do. And he didn’t know why he was feeling that way. He felt like it was unnecessary to overthink what Hyeonjun had said. There were times that the younger one wanted the both of them to talk to their Discord and play together, all by themselves. And Hyeonjoon never failed in rejecting Hyeonjun’s offer even if guilt was hovering into his conscience.
And what was happening lately was not helping him at all.
The team was streaming and as he finished his soloqueue game, he wanted to play TFT. On a second, he saw Hyeonjun’s IGN as online and would play a different game mode. Hyeonjoon, without thinking (or maybe there was), invited Hyeonjun to his lobby for TFT. He thought that the other would not accept it.
Or so he thought.
Because the moment he pushed the invite button, Hyeonjun didn’t hesitate to accept. Hyeonjoon felt his slight panic down his core. There at their game chats, they talked.
Hyeonjun
What are you doing?
Hyeonjoon
I am just testing you but you accepted it so fast
Hyeonjun
Let’s play TFT for now
Hyeonjoon
Hey, pull yourself together
Hyeonjun
I wanna play URF with hyung
The message made Hyeonjoon taken aback. Who was the hyung Hyeonjun telling? Was it him? Or is it someone? He didn’t know. Here he comes again, thinking about an unclear message from the younger. He wondered if this ‘test’ to Hyeonjun was a clear mistake on his part or not. He felt like a fool.
Hyeonjoon
Really?
Hyeonjun
Let’s wait for Minseokkie
Or we can play TFT too
Haha
Hyeonjoon felt like he was cornered at this point. He wanted to play with Hyeonjun but it would just add a fire to his wary thoughts. He couldn’t keep this going for long. He couldn’t keep Hyeonjun bothering him for he didn’t know how long. Yet he was so afraid to approach. He couldn’t express what he really felt or what’s bothering him because he was afraid that he might break their connection and friendship.
But the younger one was persistent with him.
Hyeonjoon
I’ll do soloqueue
Haha
Hyeonjun
Hyung
Let’s play URF
Everyone is at lobby except you, hyung
He didn’t know what to do. So he thought of what could be the alternative. As he knew one, he immediately inhaled deeply. I’m sorry, Sanghyeok-hyung. I need to escape, he thought.
Hyeonjoon
I’ll play if Hide on Bush will play also
Hyeonjun
We’ll invite him but we need you to go here first
Hyeonjoon
Oh
Sanghyeok hyung has started
Hyeonjun
Nevermind…
At last, he was relieved when he started seeing Hyeonjun’s status as ‘playing’. He felt at ease yet he felt guilt also.
Another moment was when he was in his soloqueue game and he was partnered with Woochan as his jungler, not minding who was the opponent jungler. As the game started and Woochan had killed an opponent, he sent a message to the game “Nice one, Nidalee! (Woochan’s character).”
All was fun playing until someone messaged him in the middle of the game.
Hyeonjun
Ha
Okay… just be with Woochan’s hyung team
Hyeonjoon was left dumbfounded by what the younger one sent to him. He wanted to think that it was what he was thinking but he prevented himself from having it.
Hyeonjoon
Huh?
Hyeonjun
You said ‘Nice, Nidalee’
Ha.. I get it
The elder couldn’t help but laugh at his position, at the same time, be weary. What does Hyeonjun mean? Why was he bothering him like this? Who was Hyeonjoon to Hyeonjun? There, he felt that his sanity was so close to exploding. He chose to ignore the younger as the game went by until he saw that his team was beating the opponent and his character was killed. Lately, he heard his door open.
“Hyung, just finished it already.” Hyeonjun opened with a defeated tone.
To his surprise, he replied, “B-But it wasn’t me who would end it.”
Hyeonjun headed back to his room quickly and didn’t bat an eye on the elder. Hyeonjun was flabbergasted but he kept his composure. He was always like this for a couple of times already. As per him, the only thing that would disregard his own thoughts and emotions was to avoid Hyeonjun being so intimately close to him to prevent what could be the future damage of being near to his personal life. But when the younger one was quiet, or playing another game mode as he was hovering his mouse to Hyeonjun’s account, or even was not in the same soloqueue game as he was even if he was an opponent, Hyeonjoon felt little yearning into the younger’s presence. Funny because he was avoiding him yet he couldn’t define how he really felt when Hyeonjun was near his proximity. Here, he started being overwhelmed with Hyeonjun and he was scared to deal with either deluding and avoiding the other.
‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.
Their professional matches ended early as they expected. Probably regrets were rooming the team’s atmosphere.
“We ended the first journey early as we thought, but let us not take the loss too heavy on our hearts.” Sanghyeok initiated as he roamed his eyes to his teammates. “We have done our best, our opponent just did better. But we have established good games and have proved that we can do more even if Hyeonjoon was new to the team where he adapted so well. Let us prepare ourselves for the season proper, shall we?”
The whole team, together with the coaches, smiled at the captain’s words. This also assured Hyeonjoon’s skills in the game and the team. It saddened him that they couldn’t progress to the Final Round, but he was also fine as he could get a lot of rest as early as now.
And he didn’t mind doing livestream and spending time with his fans. It’s one of the things he was also doing after the whole professional game match. So as the organization gave them their schedules, he gladly submitted into it. He missed communicating to people and playing without pressure and just having fun.
As he did his live, and played a couple of games. He received a message. From Hyeonjun.
Hyeonjun
What are you doing?
Why are you playing TFT?
Hyeonjoon
Why?
Hyeonjun
Let’s play it together hehe
Hyeonjoon stopped for a while on what to reply to. He remembered how he kept rejecting his offers to him, even avoiding him in some games. He didn’t know if his actions were being obvious to the younger and he thought of it. He hoped it was not like that, or Hyeonjun never thought of it in that way. All he could do was to sigh on his own problem.
Maybe it wasn’t bad, accepting offers from the other.
Hyeonjoon
Sure~
This game might take longer
After sending the message, he focused on the game so that it might end early. He didn’t want Hyeonjun to wait for him because the other might become impatient. As the game ended and he was placed in good rank, he hovered into Hyeonjun’s account and saw that the younger one was not playing anything. Was he waiting for him to finish the game?
Before anything could go wrong with his emotions, he invited Hyeonjun into the lobby but suddenly the game reminded them that they couldn’t play together. Hyeonjoon felt quite disappointed.
Hyeonjoon
What you doing?
Hyeonjun
You’re here?
Hyeonjoon
But your ranking is higher than mine
Do you have other accounts?
Hyeonjun
Should I use my other account?
Hyeonjoon
So we could play!
I’m betting here hahaha
Hyeonjun
Sounds confident, huh? Hahahaha
Hyeonjoon didn’t know where he found that confidence of betting against Hyeonjun where he knew by himself that the younger was so good at playing that game. But who knows? Maybe he could win, by luck? But as the game started, he felt his emotions running back from high to low. He smelled his defeat towards the younger yet he remained into his confident poise despite seeing how good Hyeonjun was.
It was so wrong betting with someone you started to like about, but he took the challenge. Like his life was dependent on it.
Hyeonjun
You said wanna bet
Wanna go cafe tomorrow?
Hyeonjoon needed to read the message twice. He kinda thought the bet was like making a joke on themselves or to the members, funny dares a friend would make you do to embarrass yourself. Yet to his surprise, Hyeonjun wanted both of them to have a drink: together, tomorrow.
But there’s no wrong going with him right? He could keep all those emotions into his own, right?
So why hesitate, he thought to himself.
Hyeonjoon
Really? Haha
I’m in if you are
Hyeonjun
You suggested a bet, hyung
Hahaha
Hyeonjoon
Well..
We gotta do it
To cafe
I’m in
As he sent his last message, Hyeonjoon couldn’t hide his lips curving up to smile. This was the first time he agreed upon the younger’s request to him. He felt like his heart was pumping with happy blood circulating his whole body that it made him warm at the stream room even if the airconditioner was on. Even though different emotions sparked as to why Hyeonjun was doing this to him, he wouldn’t mind. The latter asked him out. Though it would spike the question into his own brain: What is he to Hyeonjun? Or is there really something to think about? The raging and battling thoughts Hyeonjoon had whenever Hyeonjun was around and being with him was running again. Slowly, the warmth of butterflies was replaced with the coldness of anxiety.
At this point, Hyeonjoon’s body didn’t know the difference between being held at a gunpoint and clarifying who he was to someone’s life.