Chapter Text
“What is taking him so long?” Raven asks.
Onyx couldn’t help but grumble in agreement. Their boss was still on the floor covered in fake blood, and the man who was meant to solve his murder was running late.
“Are you sure you don’t want to get up?” she asks the Inspector.
She couldn’t hear what the Inspector mumbled from down on the floor, but he refused to move. A no, then.
“Shoot, he’s coming!” Night interrupts. He had been the last one to see the fabled Deductive in the Chateau. “Places, everybody!” he exclaims before shoving a marot card between the cushions of the faux leather couch.
Onyx picks up an apparatus and hides it behind her back.
Raven pushes a button underneath the Inspector’s desk, automatically opening the door.
The Inspector falls into a state of lifelessness.
In front of them was a grizzled and visibly tired man, just about to stuff a notebook into his pocket. “Deductive Logico. I’m here to meet with the president,” he says.
“The president’s dead,” they all say in unison. The Inspector was never one to bother with a script, but this time he insisted on one. No one knew why, but they all had their own interpretations.
Logico stares at the ‘dead’ body and frowns. “Another murder?” he asks exasperatedly. He sighs and pulls his notebook out of his pocket. “Well, third time’s the charm, as they say. Maybe the president of this damned institute is just taking a nice nap.” He looks at the carefully orchestrated crime scene. “Maybe.”
The process was a little slow at first. The Deductive their boss had been gushing about for the past week was not as fast as he made him up to be.
“And here I thought he’d start interrogating us now,” the High Alchemist whispers to the Numerologist and Herbalist.
“Poor thing,” Onyx starts. “He looks exhausted. I doubt he’s gotten any sleep in a week. Look at the bags under his eyes!”
“Well, I hope he stays that way,” Night huffs. “This man just got our chef and our Philologist arrested.”
“Alchemically speaking, they did commit a crime,” Raven responds.
“So? What, are we going to start imprisoning everyone who commits a crime?” Night asks. “Be real, Raven.”
“It’s High Alchemist Raven,” he corrects.
“Just like all alchemists, huh?”
Raven— High Alchemist Raven— grabbed the Numerologist by the collar and was about so tempted to commit a real murder. Night looked unfazed, even pleased, at his reaction, which was only stopped by Logico’s interruption.
“Where’s the third weapon?”
The trio looked at each other, Onyx making sure the apparatus was out of sight behind her.
Night answers as Raven lets go of his shirt. “The person born on September 7 has it.”
“...You’re kidding, right?” Nobody says a word. “I… I have to do this, don’t I?” he asks. Everyone nods. “Fine. So be it.”
Deductive Logico pulls out a neatly folded piece of paper from his coat pocket and carefully unfolds it. Onyx notices the Investigation Institute insignia on it.
Logico squints at the astrological primer and sighs loudly. “What are your zodiac signs?” he asks.
“Pisces,” Night responds.
“Virgo,” Onyx answers.
“Pisces as well,” Raven adds.
Logico stares at Onyx, who he now notices has her hands behind her back. “Just show me the damn thing.”
The Herbalist reveals the apparatus that measures your inner blaxons. “Thank you,” Logico mutters.
“Not in a great mood, eh?” Numerologist Night asks.
“Not at all,” he answers. “I’ll be taking your statements now. I’ll start with you first, Numerologist Night.” He looks away from his notebook, which Onyx notes has a half-filled grid on it, and stares at Night. “You’re a mathematician?” he asks hopefully.
Night scoffs. “Please. I’m a numerologist, not a nerd. Do you want a reading?”
“Forget I asked,” he whispers, pushing Onyx and Raven out of the room as the door slams shut.
***
After getting a statement from every suspect, Logico called the three of them to declare whodunnit.
Onyx had made sure to lie, telling the tired deductive that Night was on the book ladder (he was actually on the couch). While Raven was inside sharing his scripted account, she had told the Numerologist her statement.
“After all I’ve done for you… this is how you repay me?” he laments. Onyx shrugged him off. Kids these days were so dramatic.
“As for the murder,” Logico announces, bringing Onyx back to the present, “it was Herbalist Onyx with a pseudo-scientific apparatus on the book ladder!”
“Pseudo-scientific?!” High Alchemist Raven retorts loudly. “How dare you? Those blaxons are nothing short of scientific!”
“Don’t you see, private eyes?! I told you this man is exactly who we need!”
“WOAH!” The Deductive jumps in shock from the voice speaking from behind him. The Inspector.
“Sorry! Sorry. I am Inspector Irratino, the president of the Investigation Institute…” He continues to ramble on like usual to the stunned Deductive, who was paying attention to the man a little too much.
…Well, he was a deductive. It was a part of his job.
“I can’t believe he actually got that,” Raven whispers in awe. “He didn’t even have to consult ley lines.”
“You had to have been there in the Chateau,” Night responds softly. “He got Flint to stop debating.”
“No!”
“Yes! I still hate the guy, but you can’t deny he’s pretty good at his job.”
Onyx watches the Deductive and the Inspector silently for a minute as Irratino answers Logico’s many questions. She wasn’t much for talking compared to her younger coworkers.
Somewhere in this peaceful moment, Night and Raven inch closer to her with the biggest smiles on their faces.
“Psst. Onyx,” Raven whispers. She pretends not to hear him and continues to watch the Inspector highlight the benefits of the job.
“Onyx. Herbalist Onyx.” Now, Night joined in on the whispering. “Onyx-ie pie.”
“Do not call me that,” she responds seriously.
“He won’t.” The High Alchemist says, holding back his friend. “Wanna make a bet?”
Onyx rolled her eyes at her immature coworkers, but a part of her was interested in this deal. “What?”
Night and Raven grin at each other. Weren’t they at each other’s throats five minutes ago?
“So,” Night speaks for the two of them, “it’s about those two,” he says, pointing at the Inspector and Deductive while avoiding looking at them. He wasn't discreet, but their boss and his deductive were too engrossed in their own conversation to notice the finger pointed at them.
Onyx looks at the duo, completely engrossed in each other and the conversation they’re having. They seem to be blissfully unaware of the people around them. It was something Onyx had never seen Irratino do this. He was a people-person. Now he looked like a person-person.
“20 bucks say they get together by… two years.”
Onyx scoffs. “No way that’s happening. Do you seriously believe the head of an institute that focuses on paranormal activities would be able to form a healthy relationship with the man that firmly opposes paranormal activities? They're like fly and fly-trap. It's just not possible.”
“I ran the numbers, Onyx, and those two have high potential.”
“When did you run the numbers??” Onyx asks. “You’ve been here the whole time!”
“My head? I’m a prodigy for a reason. Keep up, Onyx-ie pie.” Onyx growls at him quietly and he shuts up. Onyx was not a good person to make angry. She hated that nickname. Night turns to Raven expectantly. “You?”
“I can see the potential, alchemically speaking, but I doubt they’ll get together in two years. Like all alchemical reactions, they need time.” He turns to the men he was referring to and grimaces. “Lots of it.”
They both turn to look at Onyx. “I’ve already answered you two,” she says in a harsh whisper. “It’s never happening.”
“So you’re homophobic?” Night asks. Raven tried not to burst into laughter and gain the attention of their boss, who was now talking about the money he’d get. Logico’s eyes showed he was way more interested than before.
“Wow, Onyx,” Raven adds with a chuckle, adding to Numerologist Night’s incorrect opinion. “And to think I believed in you. The others will hear”
Herbalist Onyx sighs just as Logico and Irratino shake hands to confirm their deal. “I hope the two of you get convicted for a crime by your beloved ‘ship.’”
“Homophobic and rude. Pick a struggle, Onyx.”
“Do you ever stop talking?” Night shakes his head as he stifles a giggle as a response.
The trio move out of the way as Irratino walks Logico out of the room, the former handing a signed contract to Onyx. She stares at Logico’s signature on the piece of paper. It wasn’t as stylized as Inspector Irratino, prioritising being legible and orderly. It would have been admirable if the man hadn’t told her he ‘didn’t believe in that sort of stuff.’
“Another reason it won’t happen”, Herbalist Onyx thought.
“I’ll get you your first assignment tomorrow, Logico,” the Inspector says.
“Oh,” he responds dejectedly. “Alright then.”
Irratino pauses in front of the doorframe and thinks for a second with a low hum. “Next week?” he asks with uncertainty.
“Tomorrow is fine. You are paying me that much for my service.”
“I’ve decided! Next week it is. You can not persuade me otherwise, Logico.”
“Fine,” Logico mumbles with a small smile as they both head back to the lobby.
“Only time will tell with those two,” Raven says once they’re out of sight. He leans on the doorframe and watches Night reach for the handle. “Ooh! Do you think we could trick him into giving us a bonus while he’s distracted on a date with his future boyfriend?”
“I like where your mind is going, Raven,” Night adds, holding the door open for him to leave. “Maybe even a raise if he’s in a good mood.” He turns to face Herbalist Onyx. “You coming?”
She sighs. Aside from becoming a fake murdler, something she would never, ever do, it was just another day for Herbalist Onyx here at the Investigation Institute and just one more thing she's probably going to mention at therapy. “I guess I am.”