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It wasn’t the 38 missed calls from Ned that concerned MJ, no. It was the startling fact that not one was from Peter. It was the fact that he seemed to of dissapeared, gone from their lives, like he’d just… stopped existing. Nobody knew who he was, and when MJ asked, they gave her blank looks.
Looks that said “who the hell are you talking about?” Like he never existed to begin with. And that, well, that was alarming. It was overwhelmingly terrifying. Because that meant Peter was alone, facing life by himself. And MJ hated the idea of it, of the image of Peter sitting alone in an apartment by himself. No, she despised it. And she had spent weeks doing her best to any sign of Peter. Literally anything, any clue or small sign he was still out there.
She just hoped he was okay, that he was still alive. She didn’t know he was thinking the same thing. That every night he made sure she got home safe, that she got into that driveway and opened her door- that she slept safely- that he was keeping watch over her and Ned.
And part of Peter hated it. Hated the distance, the way he felt like his soul was being slowly shredded apart and stitched back together over and over again. Yet, he felt he deserved it, the suffering that is. And he hoped that maybe MJ and Ned would be safer now, safer out of harm's way. Out of his way. His throat was raw from holding back sobs, tears burning paths down his cheeks, chest tight. Constrictive. A hefty weight he couldn’t shake, no matter how hard he tried.
And despite all of the mess swarming her head, MJ had felt a growing unease, that she was being watched, maybe even watched over. And part of her had this growing wonder if it was Peter, following her home, keeping tabs on her from a distance. And the thought made her both angry and guilty. She didn’t want him to keep his distance, not when they’d been through so much, not when she’d held him at his worst- she didn’t want him to shut her out. Not again. So when she felt a jab in her gut telling her to pause outside her door, and look up- she did- and to her surprise, Peter wasn’t there. Even if seconds before she could have sworn he was.
It stayed that way for weeks, except the feeling of being watched started to fade away, and it broke MJ more and more, feeling like her last standing connection to Peter had started to wither and die, like he was really gone. It felt like she was chasing a ghost, and no matter how hard she ran, all she hit was deadends. It was starting to become frustrating, and all she wanted was to curl up and sob, to give up- but she couldn’t. Not on Peter. She would never give up on Peter.
2 years later
It was a Monday. No- no a Tuesday. The days were all a mess, bleeding together like backwards smeared marker on a whiteboard. Where was I going with this? Oh right, Tuesday. Rent day.
It had been two years since I asked Doctor Strange to reverse the spell and make everyone forget Spider-Man, forget me. It was weird at first because I got treated like I was new to everything- school, the bakery MJ worked at, the library- nobody had heard of me. Of Peter Parker. And it was fine that way, really it was- I kind of preferred it- or, at least I tried to make myself believe that.
It was hard walking past the bakery and seeing MJ talking to Ned- my two best friends carrying on without me. They looked happy- and I'm happy for them- I am- but… I don't know- who am I kidding. It hurts, it hurts more than anything I thought could hurt. The first week I wanted to just run in and scream “I'm here! I'm right here!” but I knew that wouldn't do any good and I'd just be called crazy.
So, on to more “adult Peter” business. I still have that Stark internship- so I work in his lab often enough to fix my suits and work on upgrades to my tech. But not often enough to remember how it smells or what it looks like. It's funny cuz now that I'm on my own and I've seen things I can't help but see him in the mirror. Like he's looking back at me- and he looks tired.
He looks sad. I don't like it when he looks sad- so I do my best to do things that would make Mr. Stark and MJ and Ned- and… Aunt May- happy. Like rescuing abandoned animals or helping the firefighter crew- or buying that homeless man a lunch and winter coat. Little things, small things to make the world go round.
And I changed my number. I kept my old phone- old number- but- I locked it up and keep it off. I can't be tempted to look through things- old photos, old memories- old texts. I just can't do it. It's too soon. Something that I wish wasn't too soon, was rent day. I live alone now, boring basic apartment, no car- just me and these four white walls of my bedroom. And a photography job.
And despite all this- all that I've accomplished. It's not anything like I wanted my life to turn out to be. And yet I know I'd never change it because it means everyone I love is safe. MJ is safe. Ned is safe. Happy is safe. I just hope that's enough…