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In Tommy’s opinion, getting better is boring, except when he actually feels better, which is most of the time, but fuck you, he's still bored. Most days are fine for him, waking up is alright, things don't make his skin itch easily, he can walk through the day and things are better. But, then there's those days.
Recently, someone must have built some new factory or machine, because every morning Tommy wakes up to the smell of smoke. Now, he's never touched a cigarette a day in his life, he's learned enough from those around him, but smelling the familiar yet enticing scent every morning makes him crave the nicotine. It's gotten to the point that Tommy almost stole some nicotine gum just to try and calm his rapid heart. Or, recently Tommy has been itchy again, and not normal itchy. The itch that grows under your skin and doesn't go away until you cut it open, the itch that he hasn't felt this strongly in over a year now since he went clean. Everytime Tommy stares at his sword, or his kitchen knife, and thinks about taking it to his limbs. Sometimes, his thoughts even get so bad, he considers drinking something or taking something to try and make it stop, like the people in hollywood movies always do.
Except, the thing about getting better is that these thoughts never stop; it just gets more rational. Tommy can’t bring a blade to his skin anymore, or try to sneak something to take the edge off, because he's better now. Some sick moral compass inside of him turns him away everytime, until his head clears up and he feels okay again.
“I need to wake up,” Tommy had repeated one day, for nearly an hour. He'd walked out of his home, and all the way to Jack’s, and knocked on his door. Don't ask Tommy how he got there, he can't even remember. Tommy didn't see Jack’s face through his tightly shut eyes, but the confusion in his voice was a strong clue.
“What?” was Jack’s confused response. Tommy repeated himself, twice, three times, a fourth time. Jack didn't understand, but he gave Tommy some water and that was enough to snap him out of it. Didn't save him from the conversation with Tubbo he had to have later about ‘not suddenly walking away without saying a word and showing up at Jack Manifold’s door at 9 in the morning in a manic episode’ again.
In Tommy’s opinion, getting better is boring, because he feels like an attention-seeker looking for help for problems that aren't as bad as they used to be.
In Tommy’s opinion, he'll wake up the next morning, and this will be something to laugh at, until he feels like this again, and the cycle repeats.