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Earth: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Sun has been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get him out...
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Mars: Must be hard not being able to laugh.
Venus: I do have a sense of humor you know.
Mars: I’ve never heard you laugh before.
Venus: I’ve never heard you say anything funny.
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Earth: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Venus: Killed without hesitation.
Earth: No.
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Mercury: You often use humor to deflect trauma.
Sun: Thank you.
Mercury: I didn't say that was a good thing.
Sun: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny.
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Earth: What is your biggest weakness?
Sun: I can be uncooperative.
Earth: Okay, can you give me an example?
Sun: No.
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Earth: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?
Uranus: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak??
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Mars: Top 30 reasons why Mars is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you.
Sun: Top 30 anime deaths. Number 1: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!! *shoots a solar flare*
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Saturn: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.
Sun: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.
Saturn: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?
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Earth: What's for dinner?
Sun, staring at the food he just burnt: Regret...
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Neptune: Last night, I had a dream about sandwich pizza.
Jupiter: What?
Neptune: It was pizza with bread on the top and the bottom.
Jupiter: So a calzone?
Neptune: You can’t just name things I dream up.
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Sun: You're right.
Mercury: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?
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Venus: I may be stupid.
Mars:
Venus: Oh, did you think I was going to finish that sentence?
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Earth: Bye Sun! Bye Jupiter! Bye Venus! Bye Luna! Bye Sun!
Jupiter: You said ‘bye Sun’ twice.
Earth: I like Sun.
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Earth, walking into her house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Mars: Hey.
Jupiter: Hi.
Venus: Hello.
Luna: Hey!
Earth: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Mercury: We were out of Doritos.
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*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*
Mars: Thanks fam!
Sun: Oh no
Saturn: *cries* I love you too
Venus: Sounds fake but okay
Earth: *a flustered mess*
Uranus: Can I get a refund
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Sun: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Mercury: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.
Sun: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.
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Mars: Tell Jupiter about the birds and the bees.
Earth: They're disappearing at an alarming rate.
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Mars: You have to apologize to Mercury.
Venus: Fine.
Venus: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.
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Jupiter: Anyone d-
Earth: Depressed?
Mars: Drained?
Neptune: Dumb?
Uranus: Disliked?
Jupiter: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people...
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*Mercury and Mars sitting in jail together*
Mars: So who should we call?
Mercury: I’d call Sun, but I feel safer in jail.
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Jupiter: Welcome, fellow idiots.
Saturn: Hello, Jupiter!
Jupiter: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot.
Saturn: You underestimate me.
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Earth: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so lets go for 12 more just in case.
Mars: Earth, that's a coma.
Earth: Sounds festive.
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Uranus: Can I be frank with you guys?
Saturn: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.
Neptune: Can I still be Neptune?
Jupiter: Shh, let Frank speak.
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Venus: Dammit, Earth!
Earth: What?! It wasn’t me!
Venus: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Mars!
Mars: Not me either.
Venus: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?
Sun: *whistles*
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Venus: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys and then kill them.
Saturn: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!
Sun: *grinning evilly* Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!
Mercury: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.
Venus: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.
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Neptune: Hey Jupiter
Jupiter: Yes?
Neptune: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?
Jupiter:
Jupiter: Where’s Guillermo?
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Venus: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you
Earth: 10 times 0 is still 0 though
Venus: Jokes on you, I can't do math.
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Earth: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.
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Sun: If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then have the gods strike me down where I stand.
*lightning strikes him*
Sun: Ha! *is cackling like a maniac* Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!
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Jupiter: Violence isn't the answer.
Sun: You’re right.
Jupiter: *sighs in relief*
Sun: Violence is the question.
Jupiter: What?
Sun, bolting away: And the answer is yes.
Jupiter, running after him: NO-