Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dear Seunghyun-hyung,

This is kind of awkward to do but it's Valentine's Day and all I could think about all day was to write you this letter. 

When you receive it won't be Valentine's Day anymore but know that I was thinking of you all day.

Matter of fact I am always thinking of you. 

There's nothing I would love more than to be with you right now and I know I could just send this as a text message but you know I love doing these romantic little things; simple things were never my forte. You can see it in every love song in our album, that every time I felt the need to scream how much I love you I wrote a song. 

I still do. 

I need to show them to you. The new ones and the old ones, just for you to see how much I always loved you (and always will).

But right now I want to focus on how much I miss you. I don’t think it's fair that we have to be separated from each other (not now, not ever) but I understand how important your job is to you. And it's not like I'm not working right now either. LA feels so grey without you to paint my skies with your presence. 

I realized that I've been making a list in my head ever since I arrived. 

Things that are much better with Seunghyun by my side:

1. Mornings — because waking up to your voice, even groggy and half-asleep, is the best way to start my day. Without you, coffee tastes dull, and the sun doesn't shine quite the same way.
2. Late-night talks — where we whisper about everything and nothing, where silence is never awkward, just comfortable. The nights here are so quiet, but not in the way I like. I miss the sound of your breathing next to me.
3. Music — because every song reminds me of you. Every lyric I write somehow traces back to the way you laugh, the way you look at me when you think I’m not paying attention. I hum our melodies to myself, but it’s not the same without your deep voice humming along.
4. The way you hold me — because, hyung, the world can be overwhelming, but your arms have always been the safest place I’ve known. Nothing in LA can compare to the warmth of being wrapped up in you.
5. Laughing until my stomach hurts — because no one in this world makes me laugh the way you do. You always know exactly what to say, exactly how to make my worries melt away. Even my worst days feel lighter with you around.
6. Your stupid habits I pretend to be annoyed by — like how you always steal bites of my food or how you hum to yourself when you’re lost in thought. I roll my eyes at you, but secretly, I love every single thing about you.
7. Feeling understood without words — because sometimes I don’t have to explain anything to you. You just get it. You get me. And that’s the rarest, most beautiful thing in the world.
8. Just… existing — because life is better when you’re next to me. Every little thing, even the mundane, feels extraordinary when I get to share it with you.

I could keep going, but I think you already know. You’ve always known, haven’t you? That my heart has belonged to you for longer than I can even remember. 

I’ve been making a lot of lists in my head, for example…

Things that I love the most in Seunghyun-hyung:

1. Your eyes — deep and thoughtful, always holding more than you say. They’re the first thing I look for in a crowded room, the place I find the most comfort. I’ve spent years trying to understand all the things you say with just a glance, but I think my favorite thing about them is how they soften when you look at me.
2. Your voice — low, rich, and the kind of sound that lingers in my mind even when you’re not around. Whether you’re rapping, whispering, or just teasing me with that deep chuckle of yours, your voice feels like home. Some nights, I replay old recordings just to hear it, just to feel a little closer to you.
3. How tall you are (compared to me) — I used to pretend it annoyed me, but the truth is, I love it. I love how I have to tilt my head up to look at you, how you lean down when you talk to me like it’s second nature, how easy it is for you to pull me close and make me feel small but safe at the same time. And when you wrap your arms around me? It feels like I was made to fit there.
4. How your happiness always seems to get a hold of me even when I’m at my lowest — you don’t even have to try. Just seeing you smile, hearing you laugh, feeling your warmth next to me—it makes everything feel okay, even when my world feels like it’s falling apart. You remind me that there’s still light, still love, still something worth holding onto. And that something is you.
5. The way you take care of me, even when I pretend I don’t need it — I act like I’m fine on my own, but you always see right through me. Whether it’s pulling me into a hug when I’m too stubborn to ask for one or just sitting beside me in silence when words feel too heavy, you always know what I need.
6. Your hands — big, warm, and always finding a way to hold me, whether it’s lacing our fingers together, brushing my hair out of my face, or resting on my back like you’re telling me without words that you’re there.
7. How you let me be Jiyong, not just G-Dragon — with you, I don’t have to be a superstar, an icon, a leader. I can just be me. No expectations, no pressure—just your Jiyong, the boy who loves you more than anything.
8. The way you look at me — like I’m the most precious thing in the world. Like I’m worth loving, even on the days I don’t feel like I am. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. No one ever will.

I don’t think there’s an end to this list, hyung. I could go on forever and still find new things to love about you every single day. But for now, I just want you to know that no matter where I am, no matter how many miles stretch between us, my heart is always with you. Thank you for everything.

I’m going to call you now that I finished this letter just to tell you how much I love you.

Can’t wait to go back home to you.

Happy belated Valentine’s Day, my love.

Yours, always,
Jiyong.

Chapter Text

My Jiyong,

You say that writing love letters feels awkward, but baby, every word of yours feels like home to me. Receiving it was completely unexpected (because who sends letters these days?) and the very best thing that happened to me since I arrived here. I read your letter once, then twice, and now I’ve lost count, but I can still feel every syllable pressed against my heart. I can hear your voice in every sentence, and damn, if it doesn’t make me miss you even more.

So I wanted to write my own letter and send it to you, so you can also keep a piece of me until we both go home (please keep it forever). I don’t know if I’ll ever be as poetic as you, but I do know that every time you tell me you love me, I believe it more than anything else in this world. You don’t just say it—you show it in ways no one else ever has. In your music, in your touch, in the way you look at me like I’m someone worth writing love songs about. Do you know what that does to me?

I think you do.

You say LA feels grey without me, but Jiyong, the truth is, everything feels empty when you’re not beside me. The air doesn’t taste the same, and no matter how busy I keep myself, I can’t shake the feeling that something— someone —is missing. It’s you. It’s always you.

And you’re right, by the way. I’ve always known. From the moment you started looking at me like I was the only person in the room, from the first time you stayed up late just to talk to me, from every little touch, every fleeting glance, every moment that never needed words—I knew.

I know it now more than ever.

So, in honor of your lists, here’s one of my own.

Things that are unbearable without Jiyong:

1. Waking up alone — I never liked mornings much, but I liked them with you. I liked the sleepy way you grumble my name, the way you steal my blanket but somehow manage to curl into me like you were meant to be there. Now, all I have is silence. And it sucks.
2. Coming home — because no matter where I go, if you’re not there, it’s not really home, is it?
3. Music — you say every song reminds you of me, but every song reminds me of you. Every lyric, every beat, every melody—it’s you. It’s always you.
4. Eating — because food tastes better when you’re stealing bites off my plate and pretending you weren’t going to do it (as if I don’t know you by now).
5. Sleeping — because my bed feels too big, too cold, too empty. I’m tired, but I know the only thing that’ll actually let me rest is being next to you again.
6. Being understood — because no one gets me like you do. No one ever has. No one ever will.
7. Loving you from a distance — because I don’t want to miss you. I don’t want to count the days until I see you again. I want you here. Now. Always.
8. The way you make me feel like I’m the only person in the world that matters — You know how to make everything else fade away when I’m with you. Your presence fills up the empty spaces, and in those moments, nothing else seems important but us. It’s in the way you listen, the way you smile, the way you look at me like you’re seeing me for the first time every single time. And it makes me fall for you all over again.

You see, baby? We’re both just wandering around, waiting for the moment we’re not apart anymore. Because nothing— nothing —feels right without you.

But until then, I’ll hold onto your words, just like I hold onto you.

Can’t wait to go back home to you.

Happy belated Valentine’s Day, my love.

Yours, always,
Seunghyun