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December 1961
Evangelina had been dead for a little over two weeks. The loss was still very raw and emotions were very high, but Poplar didn’t stop and Nonnatus House neither.
In a twist of awful fate, Trixie was on call the previous night, thankfully the birth she’d attended was quite quick and made it back before the day started. As soon as Julienne had seen Trixie getting into the house sent the younger woman straight to bed, but unfortunately around mid-morning there was an emergency and Trixie was called out, she made it back in time to have a bite of food for lunch, before going straight to the clinic since it was a Tuesday. Both Phyllis and Julienne noticed that Trixie was very tired and looked quite pale for her standards, but they didn’t pry, they just sent her to the weighing station and registration so it was a little easier and lighter work. Both the older nun and the older nurse agreed that Trixie needed some time off. By the time Clinic was over, the phone at Nonnatus was burning, Trixie was called out once again and she didn’t make it back until midnight. Julienne had stayed up until 11:30, but then she was starting to fall asleep at the kitchen table and Barbara sent her to bed with the promise to wake her up in case Trixie called.
Patrick was called to attend the birth, since it was a complication after the other. When everything was done the doctor refused to let the young woman cycle back to Nonnatus, so he drove her back. The birth was so complicated that both Mother and Baby were shipped to the hospital with very heavy bleeding.
Trixie barely made it up the stairs. She looked at the light in the kitchen. If she was right, Barbara was on call that night, and she couldn’t face her.
She wanted a drink with all her heart, but she knew that alcohol wouldn’t fix her problems or ease the awful sensation she had in her chest.
She hurried upstairs, still wearing her uniform, clutching the case and laundry bag. Upon reaching the landing, she was uncertain of her next move but found herself facing Julienne’s bedroom door. It felt like hours passed as she gathered the courage to knock.
Trixie felt so weak at that moment that she was going to either crumble in front of Phyllis, Sister Julienne, or both of them or drink some medical brandy, but she knew that the second option wasn’t the solution that night.
Julienne got up from her bed, switched on the bed lamp and opened the door, she wasn’t surprised to see Trixie in front of her, but she was quite shaken by how badly the young woman looked.
“Oh, my dear….” said Julienne leading the younger woman in her bedroom and switching on the big light.
Trixie wasn’t saying anything, she was crying silently. Julienne could see that the birth had been very complicated, the blood stains were telling more than whatever Trixie could have said.
“Let’s get you out of these things” said Julienne removing her hat and cloak. Trixie started crying a bit harder. “Get everything out, you are safe with me, you know it…”
“I don’t even know what to say …” said Trixie before sobbing “C-Can you call Nurse Crane, please?” Trixie felt she needed two people with her that night, she loved both of them deeply and both of them knew how much she’d struggled in the past year.
Julienne knocked at Phyllis’ door and she was already in her dressing gown, ready to help. She’d heard the commotion in the corridor. She knew that Trixie was struggling, she didn't say it openly, but she was struggling and finally, the cry for help had arrived. Phyllis had feared she would have started drinking again.
“It’s Trixie, isn’t it?” asked Phyllis in a whisper while walking with Julienne to her bedroom.
“Yes, I think she is overwhelmed and exhausted. She asked to call you, she needs to drink and eat something,” said Julienne.
“She looked dead on her feet during the clinic, maybe I should have gone instead of her tonight,” said Phyllis, shaking her head and feeling a bit guilty.
“The birth was very complicated, she is covered in blood, and she has even blood in her hair.”
Trixie was still crying, Phyllis was quite moved when she saw the young woman with her uniform covered in blood, her hair a mess and her make-up smeared all over her face. It wasn't like her, since Trixie was always very well kept, even after long and difficult births.
“Trixie, if you agree, maybe you should take a quick bath with a lot of salt and hot water, then you’ll have some tea with us and something to eat. And then you can sleep twelve hours…” said Phyllis kneeling in front of Trixie, while Julienne was collecting things for Trixie’s bath, without going into Trixie’s and Patsy’s room.
Phyllis filled the tub with warm water and dropped inside a lot of salts and a washing flannel. While Julienne helped Trixie get undressed. When Trixie removed her knickers she started crying even more. “I can’t believe another month has passed, this is making everything worse…”
Julienne sighed when she saw a speck of blood on Trixie’s knickers. She just hugged the younger woman, she needed it. Trixie didn’t mind at all that Julienne’s dressing gown was scratching her body, she needed that human warmth.
“Let’s get you into the water, while Nurse Crane helps you bathing, I’ll go and get some supplies you’ll need for sure.” Julienne arrived back and Phyllis was rubbing the younger woman’s back, while she was crying. “Lass, you are doing great…”
“I am not, I am a mess…” said Trixie “I am not even a good midwife.”
“I’ll wash your hair…” said Julienne taking some shampoo and rubbing it between her hands. Once Trixie was washed, she was still crying and feeling awful, but at least she wasn’t covered in blood any more.
“Let’s dry you and have some tea and something to eat, you’ve got your lass” said Phyllis getting the bath towel from Sister Julienne and helping Trixie out of the tub.
“We are going to my room, so you can catch your breath a little more…” said Julienne smiling gently at the young woman.
Trixie looked at Julienne, feeling extremely guilty and said: “I made you break the Great Silence…”
“Great Silence can be broken in case somebody needs help, and you need help, don’t worry.”
Trixie was relieved she didn’t have to think about anything that night.
Julienne and Phyllis had helped her dry and then Julienne took one of her spare nightgowns and gave it to Trixie who had managed to put on the sanitary belt and knickers by herself, but she was looking done in.
Julienne left Phyllis looking after Trixie for a minute, she ran into Evangelina’s old bedroom and looked in her suitcase, she retrieved the less battered cardigan. It was big enough for Trixie to bed cosy and warm, and besides Trixie needed Evangelina’s comfort that night.
Julienne towel-dried Trixie’s hair, while Phyllis went downstairs and prepared a tray with three cups of tea, some biscuits, some crumpets and some toast. She also stopped by the clinical room and put the bottle of chloral hydrate in her pocket, in case they would have needed it.
Trixie was silent and Julienne was finishing with her hair when suddenly said: “The baby was compounded and it was quite big… but I would have never imagined such a bad bleed.” “I am sorry you’ve had such a bad day, you haven’t slept properly last night, you have worked 20 hours without breaks, and we should have had to go instead of you…”
“You are tired too…” said Trixie looking at the black-rimmed eyes both Julienne and Phyllis had “Besides, I know that our job is full of stress and it’s very agitated, but today everything is too much, all my emotions seem multiplied by 1000,” said Trixie drying her eyes.
Phyllis and Julienne smiled tenderly at the younger woman, she had a bad day on the top of being on the first day of her period, on the top of being grieving and on the top of being a recovering alcoholic. They were both so proud she turned to them instead of the bottle.
“It was hers, wasn’t it?” asked Trixie, smelling Evangelina’s scent of the oversized cardigan Julienne had offered her. “I think she won’t mind if you have it now,” said Julienne smiling quite sadly.
Trixie ate something and she kept thinking how lucky she was, she was loved, she was capable of love and her love was coming back. “Lass, everything will be fine, you know it… we are here for you” said Phyllis hugging Trixie. “And you are strong, stronger than you imagine.”
“You are Trixie,” said Julienne squeezing her shoulder.
"You are going to sleep here, in case I go to sleep with Nurse Crane, since Nurse Gilbert is first on call tonight, would you like to try and get some sleep?” asked Julienne looking at the alarm clock, it was 3:10 in the morning.
Trixie’s lip was trembling, she had had awful nightmares lately, and she said: “I know, I am a grown woman, but please, can hold me? I am not sleeping very well lately”
Phyllis and Julienne sat both on the same side of the bed, Trixie fell asleep against Julienne’s chest, while Phyllis held both of them.
Despite the strange positions they had all slept in, they all slept very well and Sister Winifred didn’t wake them up at 6, she took pity on them since she’d heard the commotion prior that night.
Phyllis and Julienne spent the day with a sore neck and back but they still worked.
Trixie was forced to rest by Monica Joan and Mary Cynthia, the older nun told her something like: "Young nurse, your mind and body need to be on the same page again before you are allowed out of this room".
That evening Trixie waited for Julienne and Phyllis to arrive back, the young woman had spent the day reading and resting. She took them aside and said: “I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for last night. Thank you. You saved me from a relapse last night. Thank you.”
“You are welcome, lass” said Phyllis squeezing gently Trixie’s shoulder. “
You are welcome, Trixie, and remember that we are all so proud of you” said Julienne smiling and looking at the ceiling, as if she were pointing them at the sky.
In the meanwhile somewhere in Heaven, Evangelina said: “I am so proud of you too… Trixie”