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There was a weight on Kay's chest, half literal and half metaphorical.
The literal weight was her coat—a double-breasted green leather jacket originally put into service by German motorcycle cops some fifty years ago. It had been given to her by her friend and mentor, Franziska von Karma, and of all her gifts, it was the one Kay treasured the most. Kay always claimed it was because it made her look as cool as she was, but that wasn’t true.
In reality, it was because motorcycles had been the first thing they properly bonded over. She was literally wearing a seven-kilo heart as her sleeves.
Meanwhile, the metaphorical weight came courtesy of Kay's other favourite person—Ema Skye.
Ema was a lot of things. Kay supposed everyone was, but Ema was the only one she'd ever felt needed to have her parts singled out for individual praise.
Off the top of her head, Ema was an incredible scientist and forensic genius. She could nerd out about a dozen subjects, Kay's favourite being tokusatsu. She was funny, her wit quick and her tongue just as sharp. Ema was passionate and driven, and, like Kay, fuelled those things with a desire to help people.
Kay had thought she was perfect when they first met, and even with six years of friendship allowing Ema's flaws and vulnerabilities to become apparent, Kay had never changed her mind about that. Ema was the perfect person to her.
The perfect person for her.
If that didn't make it obvious—and, to be fair, there was a six-month gap between Kay vocalizing that sentiment for the first time and her understanding what feeling it correlated to—Kay was head over heels in love with her best friend.
And that was a complicated truth to manage. Being in love was hard, after all.
Well, it was easy, but that was the problem.
Every moment of every day, Kay was in love with Ema. From the moment she woke up to the moment she went to bed, she loved her—and then she dreamed about Ema just for good measure. That wasn’t bad or anything. Kay couldn’t complain about her heart happily and eternal beating away, but there were times when she wished she could get a break from it.
She missed the times when she could say whatever she wanted to Ema without worrying about ruining her chances or flirting when Ema wouldn’t be comfortable with that.
She missed the times when Ema could say anything to her before Kay started to worry if she was learning things about Ema she’d relay differently to a best friend than a lover.
Most immediately, though, Kay missed being able to hang out with Ema platonically.
See, Kay's realization of her feelings had been incredibly poorly timed. It had happened exactly one week before. That didn't sound bad. One week meant that Kay had only had time to be tortured by her new worldview on one weekly phone call, but it was. It was terrible and awful, and no good.
All because two weeks before, Kay had agreed to take Ema out to distract her from a practical assessment she had to take. Aka, she’d agreed to a date.
Kay had agreed to hang out with her best friend, only for it to turn into her taking the woman she’d been in love with for six years on a date—all while not letting on that she was in love with her to not take advantage of their friendship.
“Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. What do I do? What do I do?” Kay laced her fingers together, pressing her palms into her eyes. Leaning against the sports car behind her, Kay wilted as a deep sigh was pushed out of her chest.
“I can’t go on a da-. Mmm. Okay, Faraday, you can’t cancel on helping Emmy de-stress after agreeing since that’d be super rude, and you can’t be rude to her. But you also can’t go on a ‘you know what’ with her, or-.”
“What do I know?”
Shit. Kay sealed her lips. She knew that voice. Of course, she knew it. Kay was obsessed with the depth of its sweetness. “I was talking to myself, Ema.”
“And now you’re talking to me, and isn’t that so much better?” Ema’s voice was filled with smiles and cuteness, which was very rude of her. She shouldn’t have been allowed to be cute when Kay was a caved impulse away from dropping to one knee.
“That’s not the point.” Kay slid down the car to sit on the curb. Maybe the crash plate in her jacket would scratch Franziska’s car, and she’d kill Kay before Kay could do this to herself again. “Hi, Emmy. How are you?”
Ema sat down, leaning against Kay’s shoulder. The three inches she had on Ema didn’t normally feel like much, but when Ema needed to tuck herself into Kay to get there, it was noticeable and blush-worthy. “Don’t know yet. Are you taking me out like you promised, or did you show up just to be a meanie in person?”
“Did you miss the part where I said I couldn’t be a jerk to you?”
“All I got was you not being able to do something with me.”
“Well, before that, I said I can’t cancel and be a jerk to you.” Kay let out a happy sigh. At least Ema hadn’t heard everything she’d said. Though perhaps that would have been easier. “I’m sorry, by the way. I’m just stressed out right now.”
“Wanna talk about it?” Ema sounded like she was worried Kay was dying, and in her defence, Kay wasn’t sure she didn’t look like she was dying over the thought of disappointing Ema. “I know we haven’t hung out in a while, but I can wait if something has come up.”
“It’s not that kind of thing. I want to take you out, Em’. Want to keep my promise to distract you from that test thing like I said I would. I’m just not in the right… headspace.” Kay wanted to say heart-space. She knew she couldn’t, but she wanted to.
Ema paused, head swaying against Kay. When she spoke, her voice was a hint more serious. “Kay? Can I let you in on a secret?”
“I guess.”
“I don’t need you to distract me from my practical assessment.” Ema sighed like she was about to confess something serious. “It’s not stressing me out, ‘cause I know I passed. I’m me. I’m the best forensic scientist. The reason I asked you to take me out is that I wanted to hang out with my best friend before I had to start working on my master’s thesis full-time. Like, that’s the next seven months of my life, and it doesn’t leave a lot of time for… you.
“If you need to break our agreement, that’s alright. I’ll be fine. Maybe a little needy on our weekly call, but I’m already pretty needy,” Ema said, a snicker under her breath.
“No! No, that just makes me want to take you out more. Celebrating is way cooler than distracting you.” Kay took a deep breath, stood up, and held out her hand for Ema. “Come on. I’m just in a bad headspace, and you make me feel better, so put ‘em together, and we find that I have to keep my promise.”
“Are you sure? I won't be mad, Kay. I’m serious.”
“Yeah.”
“Yay!” Ema grabbed Kay’s hand, and a second later, she was on her feet with her arms around Kay’s neck. Kay wrapped her arms around her waist, though it wasn’t a conscious act. She just liked holding Ema. “So, where are you taking me?”
It took seven seconds for Kay to remember her brain worked. “Um… uh, there’s this nice grill I found last time I visited the city. Ahh, um. Mediterranean halal place. I think Moroccan, but I’m not sure. Figured it’s the kind of place you wouldn’t go on your own, so I thought it’d be a fun change of pace.”
“Definitely.”
With matching smiles, Kay turned and opened the door for Ema. The other girl slipped inside, and Kay walked around back to get to the driver's side. As she did, Kay took a deep breath and tried to centre herself. So far, she'd managed to keep her promise to Ema without being weird about it. Not romantically weird, anyway.
Quite honestly, Kay didn’t believe that would last, but she couldn’t back out now.
As Kay got in and started driving away from the school, Ema turned off her radio. She was going to ask Ema to explain, but she was already on top of the conversation. “Alright, I told you what’s going on in my life, now it’s your turn. Fairs fair, Faraday. Chop-chop.”
Kay rolled her eyes. It would have been so easy to say, ‘I realized I’m in love with you,’ but apparently, Kay was better than that. “I’m the Great Thief Yatagarasu, Ema. I do Great Thief Yatagarasu things that I can’t tell you about.”
“Don’t lie to me! I know you’re not doing that full-time, I’ve seen the news.” Ema scoffed, not seeming to realize that the Yatagarasu’s rare appearances on TV were times when something had gone wrong. “Aren’t you studying to be a prosecutor?”
“Franziska is teaching me about being a lawyer while I help her and Interpol. That does not get me a law degree, and even if I do get one after, it doesn’t make me a prosecutor.”
“But, you’re going to be a prosecutor. All of your friends are either prosecutors or officers, so you don’t have any other choices. And seeing as I don’t have anyone to prosecute my cases, there’s really only one option for you.” Ema needed to stop flashing her smile in Kay’s head with every word.
“Em,’ you don’t get to decide my secret identity just so you can have a superior you like.”
“No, I don’t get to stop you from dedicating your life to vigilantism. That’s your choice.” Now it sounded like Ema was pouting. Playful pouting, but pouting nonetheless. “But, if I have to be best friends with secret identity Kay, I think I should get a say in her persona.”
“Ema, you’re the only one who gets to hang out with the real me. You’re my favourite.” Despite the blush on her cheeks, Kay’s voice was startingly strong.
“Yeah…?” It was subtle, but Kay could feel Ema leaning towards her from her chair.
“Yeah.”
“Okay, then tell me what you want to do. Not what the Yatagarasu wants, but Kay.”
“You really want to know?” Kay’s fingers tensed around the steering wheel, and for once, she wasn’t having a reaction because of her feelings for Ema.
“Mm-hmm.”
“Umm.” Kay dragged down a swallow. “I was thinking I might go to law school to defend civil rights. Probably focus on discrimination violations—corporate and in policing. Maybe do the occasional consumer class action. That sort of thing.”
Ema paused for a moment longer than Kay was comfortable. “Really?”
“Something wrong with civil rights, Ema? Miss Cop-in-training?”
“That’s not-.” Ema bit her lip to catch her laughter. With a heavy breath, her voice dropped into a serious tone. “That’s not what I meant. I’m just… I’m surprised, that’s all. Given our lives, I can’t imagine walking away from criminal law. Or, I guess, just given my life. I’ve never thought about doing anything but policing.”
Kay left the air for Ema to stutter out more. “And I just… I just want to say, I think that’s a very cool aspiration. Imagining you going out and helping people who’ve been wronged makes me happy. Just ‘cause it’s not the path I’d take, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be proud of you.
“Ugh. I sound like I’m lying to save face, don’t I?” Ema’s presence slipped away.
“It doesn’t.”
Kay slipped her hand away from the gear stick and into Ema's. She didn't need to look or anything. She just moved her hand, and it naturally found its way to Ema's. “And thank you. Your praise means a lot to me…”
“I-I’m glad.” Ema sounded like she was blushing, but Kay was probably just projecting. Her heart always fluttered when Ema praised her, and realizing she was in love with the girl had only made that feeling ten times stronger.
“I’m glad you’re glad. Great sentence, Kay. Real great.” Kay chuckled, and the tension seemed to fade. “Um. So, back to you now. What’s going on in Ema’s world besides exams?”
Ema took a pause that Kay didn’t understand. “Hm? Oh, um, I’ve just been in prep mode all semester. A bit of lab time, but it’s mostly just reading papers. Real technical stuff that’d bore you to tears to talk about.”
“That’s not true! I love it when you talk about forensics!” Kay was taken aback by the insinuation, though she couldn’t deny that she was playing everything up to distract from how she was still holding Ema’s hand.
“You love it when I show you how to find fingerprints or blood traces, not the science behind those processes. There’s a massive difference between those.”
“Come on. I need my fix of the ‘Ema Skye Experience’ and you’re not delivering.”
Ema pulled her hand away, sighing. Kay wanted to sigh too. “Okay, but you’re not allowed to be bored.
“Will not be promising to that.”
It was easy to listen to Ema talk. Well, generously understanding a fourth of the words she said was borderline disorienting, but Kay would endure. Anything less would be rude to both of them. A little confusion was worth it to hear Ema talk so happily about her special interest.
Ema was also kind enough to talk for a long time, allowing Kay to focus on driving instead of her. Pretty soon, they were parked outside the restaurant, and fifteen minutes later, Ema realized they had parked. “… and that’s why I think-. Are we at the restaurant?”
“Ye.” Kay nodded. “I just didn’t want to interrupt you in your flow state.”
“Do you know how evil it is to make a girl who loves food wait more time for food?” Ema immediately took advantage of Kay being able to look at her to fake cry.
Kay whimpered. “Ema, if you pretend to be sad, I’m going to actually get sad.”
“Can you not?”
“No.”
Ema took a beat to glare at Kay’s pouting lip, and she broke with a sigh. “Okay, I’m sorry. I don’t want you to be sad. But can we please go inside now? I am starving.”
Kay nodded, getting out of the car and rushing around to open Ema’s door. She knew Ema didn’t need her to, but offering up her hand to guide Ema out of the coup was an incredible feeling. “Please follow me to our destination.”
“Gladly.” Ema kept her and Kay’s hands together as they walked up to the brick-and-mortar shop, pressing up against Kay’s side the whole time. It made Kay blush like all hell, but she couldn’t exactly ask Ema to stop without explaining why.
They walked into a small, warm restaurant—everything made from deep brown wood and red upholstery. It smelled like freshly grilled beef and lamb, with enough spices in the air to smell something different with each step. To Kay, it felt like home, but Ema seemed immediately overwhelmed by it all.
“Still hungry?” Kay meant it as a joke, but given how seriously Ema looked at her when she snapped out of her food hypnosis, it was not taken that way.
“I am going to hate myself in the morning over how much food I’m about to eat.”
“Please… don’t… do that.” Kay’s frown thankfully seemed to get through to Ema.
“I-I was kidding, Kay.” The embarrassment in Ema’s voice and on her cheeks told Kay it was a lot more serious than Ema wanted her to think. She couldn’t think of anything else that would make Ema’s face go so red under her gaze.
Kay nodded, leading Ema to a table. “Okay, that’s good. And, I guess, I’m sorry. I just like you, and-. I, um. Uhh. Ah. I-.”
“You like me, but you don’t like worrying about me?” Ema asked with a little charm in her voice. Kay let go of her hand, but Ema grabbed onto her wrist before she could sit down to put space between them.
“Mm-hmm.” Kay couldn’t risk opening her mouth. She did not trust that thing at all.
“Mm-hmm.” Ema let out a snort, dropping Kay’s wrist and sitting down. Ema picked up the menu, flipped through it, and then set it down to stare at Kay. “Alright, you’re the one taking me on a date, so you’re ordering for me. Don’t mess it up, Kay.”
Kay just stared at Ema, eyes as wide as saucers. Ema wasn't allowed to say that work. If Kay couldn't say it, then Ema sure wasn't allowed. That was only fair, and yet, here they were. Kay just had to live with the sweet sound of Ema saying they were on a date bouncing around in her empty head. “You hear me, Kay?”
“W-what?”
“What are you ordering for me?” Ema tilted her head, spitting out a chortle at Kay’s continued confusion. “You got my ass, I’ve never been to a Mediterranean place. But, guess what? That’s your problem now, not mine. Pick something for me.”
“Oh. Um.” Kay swallowed, trying to centre herself in the restaurant. “Uh… I was going to get lamb skewers and a roasted veggie platter. That sounds good to you?”
“Lamb?” Ema stole the confusion from Kay’s face.
“Have you never had lamb?” Kay smiled.
Ema puffed up her cheeks in defiance. “Don’t look at me like that. LA is a fish and pork town. It’s not my fault you like exotic meat.”
“That’s-. Lamb is not a-. Never mind.” Kay dragged her laughter down her throat. “Okay, you’re trying the lamb and liking it, but we can get stuffed sardines as an appetizer so that if you decide to be wrong, you can pretend to be full instead of insulting me.”
“Mm.” Ema paused for a moment, relaxing in her chair and slowing down her voice. “Does it really matter to you that much?”
“A little more than I’m letting on, actually.” Kay blushed under Ema’s waiting gaze. It seemed she had no intention of speaking before Kay followed that up.
“It’s just a family thing, Em’. I’d be surprised if you didn’t have your own version,” Kay said to Ema’s continued listening. “Between prosecuting and being the First Great Thief Yatagarasu, my dad didn’t get to spend a lot of time with me. Cooking was one of the big times when he did, and the first time I got to help him make dinner, we made lamb khorovats. Now, whenever I smell grilled lamb, I think of him.
“And if I like making lamb to feel connected to my family, then I need you to like it when I make it. The whole thing breaks if you… don’t.” Kay froze up as she thought about that implication. She’d called Ema family. There was no other way to read it.
All Kay had was her hope that Ema would interpret family as ‘found family,’ instead of Kay’s real desire to one day take Ema as her wife. “Well, in that case, I’m sure I will. Or I will lie to you for my whole life, and it will be the most important lie of it.”
“Thank you.” Kay let out a very long and relaxing sigh. It was far too dramatic for the textual conversation, but from Kay’s perspective, she was being restrained. “Alright, I’ll go up and order, and you can just sit pretty.”
“I can, can’t I?”
For all of Kay’s barely controlled love, their four-hour dining experience went well.
The chit-chat was fun. They’d always found talking easy, and Kay couldn’t ruin their flow. A few times, Kay went tongue-tied over something she or Ema said, but that just seemed to entertain Ema. She also managed to get Kay to understand the basics of her thesis paper, which brought a beautiful sparkle to Ema's eyes.
Meanwhile, their actual dinner went over even better. True to her word, Ema loved food. She greedily scarfed down the lamb, the fish, and the veggies—plus the bread, soups, and couscous they ordered just to spend more time together.
Platonic or romantic, they both just wanted to spend more time on their date.
Inevitably, Ema's eyes outpaced her stomach, and dinner came to an end. Stepping out into the cold night air, Ema pushed herself into Kay's side to steal her warmth. Doing her part, Kay wrapped her arm around Ema and held her there as they walked to the car.
Again, Kay opened the door for Ema, and the other girl got in. She rushed to the driver’s side quickly, getting in and turning on the engine just to breathe a bit of warmth into the car. Looking at Ema, the girl was not at all hiding that the cold was getting to her.
“Sorry. If I knew we’d be out so late, I’d have told you to bring a jacket. Or I guess a second one.” Kay smiled in embarrassment as Ema plucked at her lab coat.
“Um. Yeah, no. Thin cotton really isn’t built for the cold.” Ema snickered, meeting Kay’s eyes. Her face lit up bright red, though Kay wasn’t sure what that meant for her temperature.
“Oh, hang on!” Kay started to unbutton her green jacket and tug it off. “This thing is rated for riding a motorcycle in like ten-degree wind chill, it’ll keep you nice and toasty.”
“Kay…”
“Don’t worry. I don’t get cold easily.” Her jacket off, Kay half climbed over the centre conceal to wrap it around Ema. Despite the unsure look in her eyes, Ema allowed Kay to slip her arms through the sleeves and put in button after button to cover her up.
Floating so close together, Kay’s eyes flicked across Ema, and she smiled. “Y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in green before, but I think you should start. It’s a beautiful colour on you.”
“It’s a lot more beautiful in your eyes…”
The moment lingered so dramatically and pointedly between them.
Kay could have said something, as could Ema, but neither did. There was no reason for it. There couldn’t be a reason when both of their brains were turned off. They just let those words—those sweet, intimate words—fill the warm space between their love-struck hearts.
They didn’t know how to move forward, but the girls were sure they didn’t want to go back. And when the air between them finally went cold, someone threw herself into the other to bring it back to life. Truthfully, they both thought the other did it.
Either way, it didn’t matter. If they tried to keep track of every kiss in a relationship that would last well into the girl's afterlives, they’d go crazy.
Savouring each and every one like it was their first was far more fulfilling.