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“My God, it’s fresh.” Miranda Barma wrinkled her nose in disgust and turned away from the body bag and therefore the woman who had just presented it. “Wasn’t the entire purpose of these meet-ups to exchange them after rigor mortis?”
“Call it the exception that proves the rule,” said Lacie Baskerville, tapping the still-warm contents of said body bag with two fingers. For once, the color on her nails was chipped; this, combined with the new furrow in her brow, would have drawn questions from anyone else who knew her, but Miranda, thankfully, didn’t care. Her relationship with Lacie was one of utility, and they both liked it that way: when your only connection with a woman was that you each disposed of the other’s inconvenient corpses, it was better to have as few real ties as possible.
“It’s still breathing ,” said Miranda, as though that were a crime against humanity.
“Yes, and?” said Lacie. “It won’t be for long. I suppose most technically you could call this dying, not dead, but who really cares about technicalities?”
“Next time, you’re going to claim that I have to kill the corpse myself!”
“Will I?” Lacie retorted. “Don’t be ridiculous, Miranda. When on earth have I ever needed that from you? No—thank you kindly—this corpse has another purpose, and I can’t be seen taking care of it.”
“And how is that my problem?”
Lacie sighed overdramatically. “You work so nicely with Jack,” she said. “You’re so good to him, but you don’t show any of that goodness to me. Why is that, Miranda? What is it that he’s got that I don’t? What has he offered you that I can’t provide?”
The speech that followed was perhaps that most impassioned thing Lacie had ever heard come out of Miranda’s mouth. She would have been impressed if she were not so deeply irritated. Still, though, it was useful knowledge to have if nothing else.
“…Oswald,” Lacie repeated thoughtfully, once she was sure Miranda was done. “You want Oswald. How funny! How adorable of you, Miranda. And you really think that Jack can give him to you?”
“Do you really think he has any other choice?” said Miranda. “He owes me a debt for finding that girl of his. Lacie, or whoever.” (Lacie stifled a smirk.) “Of course he’ll give Oswald to me.”
“Because Jack Vessalius is oh so very trustworthy,” said Lacie, absentmindedly tapping the corpse on the forehead. “Besides, he doesn’t have all the information.”
Miranda scoffed. “What information?” she said. “That you, some random little Baskerville girl without the resources to face a murder trial, don’t think he’s trustworthy.”
“My corpse,” said Lacie, “this one, belongs to Oswald Baskerville’s little sister. It could, depending on where and how it’s found, quite possibly drag him out. If Jack is worth trusting, surely he’d take advantage of Oswald’s sister’s corpse being found to present him to you as repayment, wouldn’t he?”
Miranda whipped back around, eyes sparkling. She examined every inch of Lacie’s corpse (belonging to Lacie, Lacie’s own, bought completely fairly off of some nurse practitioner who oversaw a long-term coma ward at some underfunded hospital and then carefully taken care of ever since until it suited her purposes perfectly), caressing it, sniffing it, pushing up its eyelids to see its irises, running her fingers through its hair. Finally, she looked up at Lacie and passed judgement.
“It looks like you.”
“Does it?” Lacie said, disinterestedly. “I hardly noticed.”
Miranda scoffed, clearly disbelieving that anything having to do with Lacie’s older brother could go unnoticed. Lacie hated to admit it, but she had to agree with her.
“What do you want done with it?”
Finally. “I want it to fully expire wherever it is you plan on dumping it,” she said, “and I do want it found, just—not immediately. Once the soft tissue is gone…the eyes, in particular. As funny as it would be for Jack to find it, don’t lead him to it. It’s not something he needs to concern himself with. Oswald will get Jack involved himself when the body is found.”
“How do you know?” Miranda asked.
“Because they’re lovers, Miranda,” Lacie said dryly. “—Stop that, if you leave bruises on the corpse they’ll get suspicious, and then where will we be? It’s got to look like it died of natural causes. Besides, it’s not like she’s the one who’s been having dinner dates with your one true love.”
Miranda hardly looked as though she appreciated this description, but she let go of the corpse regardless.
“I don’t suppose you could provide me with proof of these dinner dates,” Miranda said suspiciously.
Lacie smiled slightly and shook her head. “Unfortunately not, unless you want to provide an explanation of why you need that proof to Glen Baskerville himself,” she said. “Of course, you could always try and find it yourself, Miranda. Put that lovely head of yours to good use. Unless you’ve contracted prion disease again?”
Miranda rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she said. She rubbed the corpse’s hair between her fingers one more time before zipping the body bag up. “Alright, I accept it. And you?”
“I don’t even want to look,” Lacie sighed, but she unzipped the body bag in front of Miranda as well. “Defiled again, hm? Well, it’ll be relatively easy to dispose of in this condition. At least you’ve taken care of the messy parts for me, although I must say I am very concerned about your health. Hasn’t anyone told you not to stick rotting meat up your—”
“Mind your own business,” said Miranda.
“As you wish.” Lacie zipped the body bag up again and pulled it off of the table. “I suppose I’ll see you again in six months, then.”
“Hopefully next time you’ll have more corpses to share,” said Miranda. “This haul was disappointing.”
“And now you know how I feel every time I have to dispose of a corpse that makes me look like a necrophiliac,” Lacie said. “Goodbye, Miranda.”
“Goodbye, Miss Baskerville.” Miranda’s lips curved into a cruel smile. “Good luck faking your death. I hope you enjoy your last days with your brother.”
Lacie ignored the cold dread that pooled in her veins at Miranda’s words and kept walking. “I already have,” she said. “Good luck getting your hands on my Nii-sama’s head…you really will need it.”