Chapter Text
Adolf snapped his head up from his papers, frustrated by the disturbance.
"Come in."
Underneath his anger, there was a tiny hope that the knock on the door came from a certain limping minister. Naturally, his frustration dissipated when the young Doctor sauntered in.
Joseph gave the sieg heil before bizarrely scanning the room. He even ducked under Adolf's desk as if he was checking for monsters.
The older man leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. Once Joseph was done with his strange routine, Adolf hit him with a questioning glare.
"Don't look at me like that, Mein Führer.
I just wanted to make sure your personal aide wasn't present for our private conversation."
Suddenly Adolf broke into a riotous laugh, finally understanding what the whole farce was about. It was such a brilliant turn out for the Doctor's jape, he struggled to stay in character and not crack a smile.
"Don't tell me you're jealous, Doctor!" Adolf grinned. He had been spending a lot of time recently with Speer, his architect. They were planning a major project for the capital, and it required a lot of discussion. Adolf enjoyed his company, though he couldn't name a time Albert had made him laugh quite like this.
"Maybe I am! I haven't been able to catch a single moment with you, mein Führer, while Herr Speer drivels on endlessly about antique nonsense."
Hitler continued to laugh, savouring Joseph's fake irritated scowl.
He rolled his eyes, "Not everyone enjoys the constant scuffle for your attention between us ministers like you do."
Adolf smiled, catching his breath. "Every man has his vices. Though, may I add, you seem to have a disproportionate amount more."
"Now, come on," Joseph responded, finally regaining his characteristic sneer, "It would be hard to find someone other than you who doesn't enjoy a good drink, a good smoke, or," He snapped his eyes to meet Adolf's to punctuate his last statement,
"a good fuck."
The older man rolled his eyes, reverting to his calmer temperament, and Joseph took the opportunity to walk closer to him.
"I suppose I can find a little empathy for that," Adolf swept his arm across his desk, pushing his papers out of the way in an effort to clear it. The Doctor wordlessly accepted the offer, hopping onto it and dangling his legs in front of Hitler's.
To the other's horror, Joseph reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a cigarette.
"Don't you dare," Adolf grumbled. Most didn't dare smoke in his presence, but perhaps the Minister was getting cocky.
"What happened to empathy, Mein Führer?" Joseph snapped back, twisting his words with a chiding tone.
"I was not referencing the smoking, Doctor." He glared at the younger man as he lit the disgusting thing up.
Smoke floated upwards in the wood panelled office, irritating the less adjusted politician's throat. He coughed as subtly as he could, turning away in disdain.
"Stop. I'm not inhaling your second-hand sickness."
Despite the deepening threat in Adolf's tone, Joseph pushed things a little further.
"Don't you already do that when we kiss?"
Adolf's hands gripped the arms of his armchair with the kind of force that could've choked the other man to death.
"Get off my desk, Herr Doctor."
Joseph's demeanour softened a little bit at his stressed state.
"I'm sorry, Adolf. I didn't mean to-"
"I thought we decided that it wasn't to be discussed at work."
The amount of danger crackling through the air made Joseph feel like he was treading between landmines, trying to calm his friend down.
"I won't, but there's nothing to worry about. We're the only ones here."
"Our lives in power are supposed to be completely separated from our..." He flicked his eyes around the room in a paranoid parody of how Joseph had searched around a minute ago. "...relationship."
Perhaps in his own nervous tic, Joseph foolishly took another puff of his cigarette. Adolf stood, bringing his face up to intimidate him.
"I've had quite enough of this conversation. You can leave now, degenerate."
Maintaining eye contact, Joseph boldly brought his hand to his face. The other man twitched, opening his mouth in preparation to chastise him for his foul addiction.
Joseph took his chance, swooping in to press their mouths together and blow all the smoke in his lungs down Adolf's throat. Immediately he doubled over coughing, wheezing furiously in between spitting out curses.
The Doctor cackled, but it wasn't long before he was letting his foul mouth loose as well. His cigarette had burnt to its end.
"Why don't you have a fucking ashtray?!"
He snapped, leaping off the table and waving his singed fingertips around in annoyance.
Adolf continued to cough violently, taking minutes to recover and regain his senses. When he looked up, wiping the tears from his eyes, he was the only one in the room. His desk was a mess and a putrid stench still lingered in the air. The Doctor had visited for no more than a few minutes and had completely ruined Adolf's work schedule.
He kind of hoped that he would come back.