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“Who was he?”
Estelle stilled at the soft question from beside her. She hadn’t realized that Sigrid had followed her over to the Ironwood Tree, and to the metal bust that rested in its shade. The Hunter’s eyes were narrowed as she examined the statue; the Titan vaguely noticed her mouthing the words Cayde-6 before she bent to look at the image of the Ace at the base.
Estelle, however, was frozen.
Who was he?
He was a friend. A confidant. A lover. A partner-in-crime. He was light and life and mischief and fury and love and-
He was everything.
And then he was gone.
None of the words would come out.
She stood there, lost in her sudden grief as Sigrid stood and turned to look at her, a question half said before their eyes connected. Something must have shown on her face - Cayde had always said she had a terrible poker face - because Sigrid’s question died on her lips, her eyes going wide with understanding.
Estelle had to look away or she would break down right there, her jaw clenching as she tried to restrain the tears. They fell into an uncomfortable silence as Estelle did her best to keep her breathing under control before Sigrid tried to break the awkward tension.
“N-never mind, you, uh, you don’t have to-”
Colonel interrupted her, skittering across her feet with a loud squawk as she chased after a bug; Sigrid, surprised, yelped and stumbled backwards, just barely avoiding Bucket as she raced after her mother. Estelle almost smiled as she watched the new Hunter stare at the chickens, clearly baffled by their presence. After a moment Sigrid took a deep breath and turned back to Estelle, sympathy clear in her green eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
Estelle nodded, still unable to speak around the lump in her throat. She sent one last glance at the still face of the statue, then turned and walked slowly away.
She could feel Sigrid’s eyes on her back, but she couldn’t bring herself to turn around.
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Five minutes later found her firmly ensconced in a hidden alcove somewhat near Zavala’s office, sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest as she cried.
“She didn’t mean anything by it,” Charlie said, his voice gentle as he floated down to hover in front of her streaming eyes.
“I know;” her voice was raspy, wavering. “I’ll talk to her later, I just…I couldn’t-”
She felt his shell come to rest gently on her forehead. “I know, Stel. Take all the time you need.”
Estelle softly touched her Ghost’s shell as more tears slid down her face and she let herself fall back into the old despair.
After fifteen minutes she made herself stand up and wipe her face, a deep but shuddering breath rattling her frame. She shoved the grief away for the moment, still feeling it simmering in the back of her mind but more manageable than before. “Is Sigrid still in the Tower?” Estelle asked her Ghost, her voice still hoarse and nasally.
Charlie was quiet for a moment, before he looked at her and shook his shell. “Aster says they got called out into the field. He says he’ll let me know when they come back though.”
Estelle nodded, wiping her hands over her face again. “Probably for the best. I bet I look like a hot mess right now.”
Charlie bonked up against her forehead again. “Maybe. But you’re my hot mess.”
She snorted and jokingly swatted at the Ghost, who easily dodged her hand with a snicker. “That I am. Come on, we’ve got work to do.”
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A week or so later found Estelle scowling at the frighteningly orange noodles in the bowl in front of her. She didn’t particularly want to eat them, but by the time she’d gotten back to the City most things were closed, and she’d had to pull…whatever the hell these were out of the emergency rations on her ship. She was almost entirely certain that one of her clan had put them in there as a joke.
Probably Jesse.
“Charlie, if I die from eating this, remind me to punch Jesse into next week when you rez me,” Estelle said absently to her Ghost as she poked at a noodle and watched the vibrant sauce cling to her fork unnaturally.
Charlie sighed and rolled his eye, but when he spoke his voice was fond. “You know you don’t have to eat them, right?”
She pouted up at him. “But I’m hungry!”
“Hungry enough for that ?” he asked with a pointed look at the bowl.
“...I’m still deciding.”
Charlie was interrupted from snarking back as a familiar voice interrupted them; “Hey, mind if I join you?”
They both looked up to see Sigrid and Aster hovering nearby, the Hunter holding a few disposable bowls of something steaming. Estelle scooched over on the bench before patting the newly empty space, watching fondly as Charlie and Aster briefly whirled around each other in greeting. She looked back over at the Hunter to find her settling into the seat next to her, what could only be described as a nervous look on her face as she offered up one of the bowls she’d been carrying.
“So, uh…obviously I don’t know what I used to do… Before …when things got tough, but…I heard somewhere that sometimes, if you feel like you need a kick in the pants, it can help to eat something spicy…?”
Estelle immediately shoved the possibly radioactive noodles as far away from both of them as possible, happily taking the offered bowl from Sigrid. She paused when she caught sight of the soup within, the dark red broth and the smell rising from it deeply familiar. She pulled the bowl closer and took a deeper breath of the steam that made her eyes water, before shooting the Hunter a questioning glance, who hurried to explain; “I got sent on this mission to locate something from a particular stash that--it’s--it’s a long story, but anyway…there was a lot of this stuff out there, and it was just going to go bad, so…” Sigrid raised her bowl, her intent obvious. Estelle smiled and mirrored her, letting the Hunter clink their bowls together gently. “...A toast. To important companions, both new and old.”
They ate the old ramen together, which was, in fact, still very spicy indeed, (Estelle was pretty sure this stuff burned twice as much as when she was genuinely on fire). By the end of it, they were both snotty and had tears running down their faces, and Estelle was pretty proud of teaching Sigrid a few choice curse words in Eliksni.
“Here’s hoping it doesn’t burn a hole right through my stomach,” Sigrid said while half-giggling, half-hiccuping.
Estelle gestured at the abandoned bowl of demonically orange noodles across the table. “Can’t hurt me any worse than what I’d been planning on eating.”
“Yeah, that did not look good.”
“It did not taste good.”
“Look on the bright side, now we probably can’t taste anything at all, at least for the rest of the day.”
Estelle ran her tongue around the inside of her mouth, getting nothing but more heat and some pain. “Yep, can confirm, taste buds are burned off. But! Worth it.”
“Yeah, agreed. Totally worth it.”
They sat in companionable silence for a moment, both panting slightly and occasionally fanning their faces to try to cool their scorched nerves.
“I’ve got more, if you’re interested,” Sigrid eventually said; “It’s still on my ship-I brought back two whole boxes of the stuff-but you’re welcome to it. As much of it as you want.” Estelle was touched, and went to say so, but Sigrid pulled out a third package to set on the bench between them and looked up at her shyly; the words died in Estelle’s throat as the Hunter continued: “I did bring a third one with me. To leave at the memorial in the Courtyard. If…you think that would be okay?”
One again, Estelle found the words stuck in her throat.
You didn't know him, but you still want to pay tribute to him.
Ramen on his memorial would have made him laugh so hard he’d fall over.
He would have loved it.
“Would you…want to come with me?”
“...Yeah,” Estelle finally said, her voice cracking on the word. She cleared her throat and continued, “Let’s do it.”
“All right,” Sigrid said decisively. “Together, then.”
“Together.”
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It wasn’t until they were in front of the memorial, ramen placed carefully near Cayde’s chin, that either of them spoke again.
“I’d love some of the ramen, by the way.”
Sigrid startled a bit, and Estelle guessed that she had been lost in her own thoughts. “Yeah?” she said, her voice hopeful.
The Titan nodded, her eyes still on the statue. “Yeah. You’re right, it’s one hell of a kick in the pants. And at the very least, I can leave some in Jesse’s ship and get him back for the orange…noodle…thing I’m 90% sure he’s responsible for.”
Sigrid pulled a face at the mention of the fluorescent monstrosity, but then she snickered. “As long as he doesn’t find out you got it from me.” Estelle laughed softly and promised he wouldn’t hear anything from her. They stood in comfortable silence for a bit, a far cry from the last time they’d both been over here. It was interrupted suddenly by a squawk, and they turned to see the resident chickens yelling at a supremely unimpressed Cabal soldier who seemed to be waiting to talk to Zavala.
“I still don’t understand why there are chickens here, of all places.” Sigrid said, gesturing to the courtyard as a whole.
Estelle’s smile faded somewhat, but didn’t completely disappear as she answered, “Colonel and Bucket here were Cayde’s, they usually split their time between hanging out here and in the hangar. They’re just here right now cause they know I always have food on me.” And true to her word, Estelle pulled a handful of seeds out from one of her many pockets and scattered it for the chickens at their feet. They immediately stopped harassing the poor Cabal and scrambled over to Estelle’s feet, pecking at the seeds she’d dropped.
Sigrid, however, seemed to be hung up on one particular detail. “I’m sorry, did you say that one of them is named Bucket ?”
The Titan snorted. “I did. She’s the one with more black in her feathers, while Colonel here is almost solidly brown.” She bent down and hefted Colonel up into her arms, making the bird growl a bit but she settled quickly as Estelle gently stroked the back of her head. “You can pet her, she won’t bite. Well, actually, she will but I’m sure you’ve been bitten by worse things.”
Sigrid shot Estelle a dubious glance but still reached out a cautious hand toward the chicken, who was eying her warily. Sigrid’s fingers inched forward until they connected with the soft feathers on the side of Colonel’s neck, all while the chicken stared her down imperiously. “She’s so soft,” Sigrid said, awed as she slowly stroked the chestnut feathers. Colonel continued to stare at her for a moment, before half closing her eyes, clearly enjoying the pets. Sigrid released a surprised breath, before smiling at Estelle. “She didn’t bite me!”
Estelle smiled back. “Nah, she’s got good taste in people, don’t you my little dinosaur?” she cooed at the dozing chicken, who merely grumbled in reply.
Sigrid giggled, continuing to pet the bird slowly. “I do have to ask though, why is the other one named Bucket?”
“Oh, that’s a whole story. You wanna hear it?”
The Hunter nodded and Estelle grinned. “Alright, hang on-” she bent down and gently set Colonel back on the ground. The bird looked disgruntled, her beak in the air as she moved away from Estelle. The Titan didn't seem to care though, grabbing Sigrid’s arm and pulling her over to sit on a nearby bench. “So Cayde found Colonel during the Red War, and liked her so much that he brought her back here after we took the City back. What he didn’t know is that she was carrying fertilized eggs, so pretty soon after he got set up in the hangar she just up and disappeared one day-he even called me when I was off-planet to ask if I had seen her-anyway, point is he eventually found her holed up under some desk in an old bucket, where she’d made a nest and laid a few eggs. Then he called me again, while I was in a strike- ”
Estelle noted absently as she enthusiastically told her story that the grief that had been following her around for the past week or so had faded again, not completely gone, but enough that she didn't have to actively fight against it anymore.
But that was the nature of grief, wasn’t it? It never really went away, dulling over time but still sneaking up on you to overwhelm at the most unexpected moments. And it had, so many times in the years since she lost Cayde, and she suspected it would for the rest of her potentially very long life.
But, she thought as she looked at her enraptured Hunter friend, it could always be driven back.