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Kai knows he has done some dodgy things in his life – blended into the background when it was time to train Lev even though everyone else on the team has already suffered through it before, confiscated Kenma's gaming console a few times – but none of it was bad enough for the punishment that was Kuroo's pathetic pining.
At first, it was just the casual mentions of Daichi every ten sentences and badly-hidden blushing. When Yaku had snapped and told Kuroo to just call Daichi and confess ("I can get you his number I'm sure Suga has it", he'd said), Kuroo had flat out refused to talk to Daichi and did try and limit how often his pining came up in conversation.
Things had escalated rapidly in the past few days, however, leading to his current dilemma.
Watching Kuroo mope around during the lunch break, staring forlornly out the window (in completely the wrong direction for Karasuno, but Kai doesn't want to be the one to tell Kuroo that) is an exercise in patience, even more so than training Lev.
At this point, Kai was seriously thinking about breaking his careful neutrality regarding the world and corresponding belief that things will just solve themselves. Somehow, pining Kuroo is even more annoying than attempting-to-be-annoying Kuroo. At least when he was provoking people, he was doing it on purpose.
At least Yaku is there to balance out the mediocre company that is a pining Kuroo.
Yaku leans back in his chair until it's a miracle the chair hasn't tilted over backwards, eyeing Kuroo critically. "This is getting ridiculous."
Kuroo sighs – actually sighs – and shifts a little, but ignores them for his damn pining.
"Maybe we should stage an intervention," Yaku says viciously, kicking Kuroo's chair. Kuroo barely even jumps, just makes that ridiculous face which means he's pining. Again. Still.
When Kuroo walks into two walls in a row, Kai turns to Yaku and nods. Most things will be solved eventually, but if this isn't solved soon he's going to go insane.
Kenma throws a volleyball at Kuroo's head. Kai is more concerned at the way Kuroo turns to Kenma, blinks a few times then goes back to his old task (more pining than is healthy for anyone outside a romance novel) rather than the fact that he just got hit in the head by a volleyball.
That practice, Coach Nekomata calls Kai and Yaku for a meeting.
"Fix whatever's going on with Kuroo," he orders. "His pining is getting in the way of volleyball practice."
"We want to transfer to Karasuno," Yaku says, firmly.
"No," Coach Nekomata says, "You can't just defect like that."
It takes just one more day for Coach Nekomata to crack.
"Will it help?"
"If the plan works," Kai replies. If not, at least we're away from Kuroo and his ridiculous pining he adds mentally.
After watching Kuroo not even yelling at Lev about blocking properly, Coach Nekomata gives in.
"Just... fix it. Please."
The plan was quite simple: defect to Karasuno. That was it. At some point, Kuroo would be forced to interact with Daichi, given most of his team wouldn't be his any more.
The Saturday train to Miyagi was quite crowded, and everyone was in a state of nervous anticipation. Today, either the pining came to an end or their continued participation at the Nekoma volleyball club did.
Though, Kai realises on the train to Karasuno, that required Kuroo being able to do more than just staring and blushing at Daichi. Which, you know, was possibly a little too much to ask of Kuroo.
Yaku almost wept into Sugawara's shoulder when he saw the welcoming reception at the station: so much sanity. Sugawara and Ennoshita were smiling, awkwardly holding up a sign for the Nekoma players.
"Welcome to Karasuno," Sugawara said, smiling brightly. "Don't worry, at least Daichi's pining is low-key enough that you can ignore it most of the time."
Kai felt relieved. He was finally safe, safe from Kuroo's behaviour, for a while at least
The bus ride to Karasuno was pretty quiet. Yaku and Sugawara were conversing in a corner in low voices, probably planning how to best control the more unruly of the underclassmen. Kai figures that he should probably join the conversation, but he takes this rare chance to relax instead.
Kuroo wakes up refreshed and arrives at Saturday training, only to be told that his entire team had defected to Karasuno.
"Hey," Kuroo says to Daichi upon entering Karasuno's training gym, several hours after being informed that the rest of the team had defected.
Daichi gives a short noise of acknowledgement, making sure he can keep Nishinoya and Tanaka and Yamamoto in sight.
"You have something of mine," Kuroo says.
"You'll have to convince your teammates to go back. I think they like it here," Daichi answers, keeping an eye on Hinata to make sure he doesn't start fighting Lev.
"Well yes," Kuroo says, "there is that, but I was actually referring to the heart."
Daichi looks at Kuroo, finally. "Which one's the heart of Nekoma? I thought Kenma was the brains and everyone else was just blood in the veins."
Kuroo sighs, and goes over to badger Kenma.
("Dammit Daichi, stop staring at Kuroo and just go ask him out," Suga says, punching Daichi in the arm.)
Kuroo finally manages to shepherd his teammates back onto the bus after the long day of training. His teammates had, in the end, decided to return to Nekoma. Kuroo still can't figure out why they defected in the first place.
Just before he also gets on the bus, he calls out to Daichi. "Hey, we should do this again some other time. Meet up, that is. Without our teams, if that's what you'd like."
Daichi breaks out into a brilliant smile, so warm that Kuroo just wants to bask in it forever.
"I'd like that," Daichi says.
("I THINK THAT WAS A YES DAICHI MIGHT ACTUALLY BE INTERESTED IN ME," Kuroo hisses in Kenma's ear. Kenma gives him a withering look, then goes back to his game.)
"Well, I'm glad you've finally managed to get over your pathetic pining," Yaku informs Kuroo on the train home. "The last few days were painful to watch."
Kuroo splutters.
"I wasn't pining for the last few days, I was sick!"
Sick with love, Kai's traitorous mind supplies.
"I had a really bad cold and so I was just out of it for the past few days!" Kuroo repeats, emphatically, as if repeating it would somehow make it more believable.
Kai and Yaku turn to Kenma for confirmation.
Kenma just nods, making a low humming in his throat. "You should hear him actually pathetically pine. He's vocal about his pining, not the silent suffering type."
"I'm not that bad!" Kuroo protests.
Kai shivers from the dead look in Kenma's eyes. "Do I have to remind you of the conversation about Daichi's steady face?"