Work Text:
Big Business is good. Most of the Neighborhood has made their way to False Enterprises at one point or another, and each of them has left a satisfied customer.
So it’s not a particular surprise to False when a new entry appears in the book. Nor the name that can just be made out through the handwriting: Keralis.
Keralis wasn’t officially a part of the Neighborhood - being the only member of the Ministry of Ministers that wasn’t actually a Minister, just a secretary - but he was local enough that it wouldn’t be too long of a trip to visit him for the work. Just over XB’s mountain, on the way to the shopping district.
And then False reads the request.
Hey Falsie!
Been loving all the work you do with the rivers around here, and that got me thinking - I have a beautiful boat to be sailing down them! It would be a lovely way to visit everyone, all the way to the cherry mountain and back, where all the water is. Like a cruise!
Except I’m not sure if the rivers are deep enough for a yacht. And there’s some spots that get pretty narrow. So I wanted to see if the rivers could be made wide, and deep, so I could ride my big boat through them. And, well, as the Minister of Transportation, you seem like the person to ask about that kind of thing, as your job - which means of course you would do it for just the love of me alone, yes?
Can’t wait to set sail!
Papa K XOXOXO
False closes the request, and she thinks.
Obviously, the idea of making the rivers bigger is great for her. Unfortunately, things have gotten to the point of people terraforming the edge of the rivers. And she can’t just terraform other people’s land for them.
That’s Beef’s job as the Minister of Terraforming.
Additionally, the request is incredibly open-ended. False doesn’t know if she has purview over the rivers near the cherry mountain; Gem and Grian seem to have the waters well in hand over there. Does it need to be modified? Can it be modified?
And finally, Keralis conflating her position as Big Business and Minister of Transportation is teasingly irksome. Especially as an argument to push down her customer-set pricing plan to “my love”.
False does love Keralis. But False Enterprises? Has bills to pay.
She reads the request again.
Make sure the rivers are big enough for his boat.
She can do that much.
Keralis walks out of his village, and freezes on the bridge, halfway through a yawn.
His yacht is gone.
The entire boat that has been sitting on the shore since practically the first week of the server is vanished, as if it had never existed. Sand drifts in the breeze across the beach, free and unhindered.
Keralis walks over in a daze. As he approaches, he sees a small envelope stuck in the sand point-first. A single letter comes into view.
K.
He opens the letter, reads quietly for a moment. And sighs.
False’s handwriting. He should know better than to play words with her.
Dear Customer:
As per your request, the rivers have been confirmed to be wide and deepenough for a small sea-faring vessel like your yacht. In order to ensure it was also river-faring, I took it for a test sail.
I didn’t want to run out the gas on board, so I elected not to make a return test sail. As your village is near the opening to the ocean, the river’s nature flow should carry it back to you in 2-3 business weeks.
Invoice to follow. Thank you for your business,
False Enterprises
XO