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James Potter was a patient man.
Well, no, that was a lie.
James Potter had learned patience over the years, mostly through dealing with his husband, Regulus, who somehow had the ability to out-wait time itself when it came to getting his way. But there were limits to what a man could endure, and James was dangerously close to reaching his.
Because for five nights in a row, every time he and Regulus tried to have so much as a moment to themselves, their son had other plans.
At first, James had thought nothing of it. After all, Harry was a sweet boy. He was clingy, yes, but so so sweet.
Now, though?
Now, James was losing his bloody mind.
˗ˏˋ ˙⋆✮ ☀︎ ˎˊ˗
The first night, James and Regulus had just slipped into bed. The sheets were warm from their body heat, the soft glow of the bedside lamp cast flickering shadows on the walls, and the entire house was blissfully silent.
James kissed along Regulus’ jaw, slow and teasing, hands gliding under his nightshirt, fingertips skating over smooth, warm skin. He felt Regulus hum against his lips, felt his husband’s hands tugging at his waistband, and—
knock knock
They both froze.
A tiny, sleepy voice followed. “Papa? Daddy?”
Regulus immediately pulled away, straightening his shirt as James let out a strangled noise of frustration.
“Bloody hell,” James whispered, dropping his head onto Regulus’ shoulder. “This cannot be happening.”
Regulus, unbothered, flicked his wand to open the door, and there stood their son in green pajamas with little golden snitches on them, clutching his stag plushie. Harry rubbed his eyes with a fist, blinking blearily at them.
“Bad dweam,” he mumbled, lifting his arms in a silent request.
Regulus softened instantly.
James watched in despair as his husband sat up, carried their son, brushing a kiss against his curls.
James groaned. “Reggie.”
Regulus gave him a pointed look. “He’s scared, James.”
James flopped onto his back, staring at the ceiling. “This was supposed to be our night.”
Regulus hummed. “But Harry had a nightmare. He needs comfort, Jamie.”
James turned his head just enough to glare at his husband.
Regulus smirked and tucked the blanket around Harry’s tiny body.
James sighed in defeat and thought of quidditch, trying to calm himself.
˗ˏˋ ˙⋆✮ ☀︎ ˎˊ˗
The second night happened like this: James loving on his husband, then soft pattering of feet, and then Harry barged in, sniffling from a nightmare, begging to sleep with them.
On the third night, James was prepared.
As soon as they slipped into bed, James waved his wand and warded the door shut.
Regulus raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
James grinned, looping his arms around his husband’s waist and pressing their bodies flush together. “No distractions tonight, love.”
Regulus smirked. “If you say so.”
For a blissful few minutes, everything was perfect. Regulus was panting beneath him, his fingers tracing lazy circles against James’ bare back. James was just about to slide his hand under—
knock knock
James' head dropped onto Regulus’ shoulder.
The wards held, but the knocking continued. It was soft but persistent.
“Papa! Daddy!”
Then they heard a sniffle.
James' stomach sank.
Regulus stilled beneath him, his entire body going rigid and his eyes narrowed.
James knew that face. That was a ‘nothing else matters but my child’ face.
“James,” Regulus murmured. “Let him in.”
James groaned. “Reggie, if we just ignore him for two seconds—”
A tiny sob.
Regulus’ glare could have cut through stone.
With a suffering sigh, James flicked his wand. The wards dropped, the door creaked open, and there stood Harry, eyes glassy with unshed tears, clutching his stag plushie like it was his lifeline.
Regulus’ entire expression melted, and James knew he’d lost before the battle even began.
Ten minutes later, James was flat on his back, and Harry was tucked under Regulus’ arm, small fingers tangled in his nightshirt.
Regulus pressed a kiss to Harry’s curls, softly humming him a lullaby.
James sighed deeply and thought of quidditch once again.
˗ˏˋ ˙⋆✮ ☀︎ ˎˊ˗
The same thing happened on the fourth night.
Now on the fifth, James was getting desperate.
So he upped his game.
He spent the day charming Harry’s own bed. He put up stars on the ceiling, enchanted the pillows to stay cool, and even bought new plushies on the guise of them wanting to have a sleepover with Harry.
Regulus looked deeply amused the entire time but said nothing.
And to James’ utter delight, Harry actually fell asleep in his own bed.
That night, James barely waited for Regulus to close the bedroom door before pushing him against it, fingers tangling in dark hair, lips hungry and desperate.
“This,” James murmured against his husband’s mouth, “is finally happening.”
Regulus chuckled, sliding a hand up James’ chest. “I hope you’re right.”
It was silent and the bed was warm.
Regulus was in his arms, half-naked and writhing, and—
A tiny sneeze sounded from the hallway.
James froze.
Regulus’ body shook with barely contained laughter.
Soft footsteps pattered closer.
James clutched the sheets in panic. “No. No, no, no—”
knock knock
Regulus bit his lip, looking at James like he wanted to say ‘I told you so.’
James stared at the ceiling, begging Merlin and Morgana for strength.
Regulus put on his nightshirt and then flicked his wand, and there stood Harry, his stag and the new dragon plushie both dangling from both hands, sleepily mumbling, “Papa, wan’ sweep here.”
Regulus snickered.
James wanted to die.
Regulus reached for Harry, tucked him into bed, and murmured, “My sweet boy. You’re safe here, I promise. Goodnight, love.”
James buried his face in his pillow and screamed internally.
˗ˏˋ ˙⋆✮ ☀︎ ˎˊ˗
James had been looking forward to this lunch all morning. Not for the food, but for the opportunity to complain.
Sirius and Remus had arrived promptly at noon, bringing a freshly baked baguette and a bottle of red wine. They look happy, James thought why wouldn’t they be. It’s not like they have a little gremlin getting in the way of their alone time.
Now, sitting around the dining table, James heaved a suffering sigh, stabbing at his chicken like it had personally wronged him. Then stared at his friends. His confidants. His brothers.
“I have not had sex in five days.”
Remus choked on his wine. Regulus, who was buttering a scone, didn’t even blink.
Sirius, however, grinned wickedly. “Don’t get me wrong, this topic disgusts me. But oh no. Five whole days? That must be so difficult for you, Prongs.”
James scowled. “This isn’t funny.”
Regulus hummed, far too calm. “It’s a little funny.”
James turned on his husband, betrayed. “You’re supposed to be suffering too.”
Regulus took a sip of tea. “I have a higher tolerance for suffering.”
Sirius cackled.
James threw down his fork. “You lot don’t understand. I’ve been actively thwarted. Every single night without fail, Harry knocks on our door, complaining about a nightmare he had.”
Remus wiped his mouth, still looking a bit flustered. “Have you considered locking the door?”
“Obviously,” James grumbled. “But then he knocks. And if we don’t answer, he cries. And you know how Regulus reacts to that.”
Sirius snorted. “This sounds like a ‘you’ problem.”
James groaned, his hands running through his already messy hair. “It’s been five days, Padfoot. Five. I’m a young man in my prime. I can’t live like this!”
Sirius smirked and leaned back, crossing his arms. “Mate, you’re acting like you’re stranded in the desert. Just… have you thought about solving your problem by yourself in the shower?”
James glared at him. “It’s not the same and you know it.”
Regulus took a calm, unbothered sip of tea.
James flung a hand in his direction. “Look at him. He doesn’t even care.”
Remus gave Regulus an assessing look. “You do look rather well-rested.”
“Because he is,” James snapped. “He just tucks Harry in and immediately goes to bloody sleep.”
Regulus met his gaze, deadpan. “What would you have me do, James? Tell him to go cry elsewhere?”
James opened his mouth but hesitated and didn't answer.
Regulus scrunched his eyebrows, lips forming a frown.
Sirius howled with laughter. “Oh, you absolute tosser.”
Remus sighed. “James, he’s barely two. Of course he would want comfort from his parents after a nightmare.”
James flailed desperately. “I give him comfort! But then he wants to get in the bed, and the second Reg hears him sobbing, it’s all over.”
Regulus’ lips twitched. “He’s my son. I’m not letting him suffer alone.”
James sighed loudly. “See? This is what I’ve been dealing with.”
Sirius tapped his chin. “You know, Prongs… If you’re that desperate, you could always let us take Harry for the night.”
James sat up so fast his chair scraped against the floor. “Are you serious?”
Regulus, suspiciously, lowered his teacup. “Sirius—”
“Absolutely,” Sirius said smugly. “Harry loves us. He’s always asking to visit.”
Remus, who was watching Sirius closely, asked, “And this isn’t a trick?”
Sirius gasped. “Moony! When have I ever tricked James?”
“Everyday.” James responded.
Sirius scowled. “Rude.”
James turned to Regulus, pleading. “Reggie, come on. One night. Just one.”
Regulus eyed Sirius warily. “I don’t know…”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Reggie, we’re not gonna sacrifice him to a Dark Lord. We’ll make him cocoa, read him a story, and put him to bed. You know he’ll be fine.”
James nodded rapidly. “Yes! Exactly! You trust them, don’t you?”
Regulus sighed, looking deeply reluctant.
James grabbed his hand. “Please.”
Regulus stared at him for a long moment. Then exhaled through his nose, defeated.
“Fine.”
James pumped his fist in the air.
Sirius grinned. “Excellent. We’ll take him tonight.”
James slumped back in his chair, relieved. “I am going to have the best night of my life.”
Remus arched an eyebrow. “You do realize he’s going to be furious when you hand him over?”
James waved a dismissive hand. “He’ll get over it.”
Regulus, muttering, took another sip of tea. “We’ll see about that.”
˗ˏˋ ˙⋆✮ ☀︎ ˎˊ˗
James had never considered himself a cruel man.
And yet, standing by the floo as his son clung to Regulus for dear life, James was starting to feel like a villain.
“No,” Harry sniffled, arms wrapped tightly around Regulus’ neck, his little fingers digging into his shirt. “Don’ wanna.”
Regulus, as James had fully expected, was already halfway to caving.
“Harry,” he murmured, rubbing soothing circles along his son’s back, “it’s only for one night.”
“No!”
Sirius, who was watching with deep amusement, snickered. “He really isn’t letting you get lucky huh, Prongs?”
James ignored him, crouching down to Harry’s level. “Come on, Prongslet. You love Uncle Paddy and Uncle Moony, don’t you?”
Harry turned his head just enough to give a petulant glare at James. “But wan’ sweep here.”
James bit back a groan.
Regulus, unhelpfully, kissed the top of Harry’s curls and murmured, “I know, love.”
James ran a desperate hand through his hair. “Reggie, you are not helping!”
Regulus just hummed, patting Harry’s back.
Remus, ever the problem solver, stepped forward. “Harry, sweetheart, we’ll have hot cocoa at our house.”
Harry sniffled. “Hot cocoa?”
Sirius nodded. “With extra marshmallows.”
Harry’s grip loosened just a fraction.
James seized the opportunity, rubbing his son’s back in encouragement. “Yeah, and Uncle Moony will tell you lots of bedtime stories.”
Harry considered this.
Regulus kissed his cheek. “And in the morning, we’ll come get you.”
Harry peeked up at him, uncertain. “Pwomise?”
Regulus smiled softly. “I promise, mon cœur.”
Harry wavered—and then, very hesitantly, let Regulus pass him over to Remus.
James nearly collapsed in relief.
Sirius smirked. “Well, that was excruciating.”
Regulus arched an unimpressed eyebrow. “There better not be any scratches on my kid, Sirius.”
Just as Remus grabbed some floo powder, Harry suddenly looked frantic, his little hands gripping Remus’ robes.
“My Pongsie!” he gasped, twisting to look at his Papa. “I need Pongsie!”
James winced. They had been so close.
Regulus, without missing a beat, nodded. “Of course, love. I’ll get him.”
Regulus disappeared upstairs, leaving James standing awkwardly with Sirius and Remus.
Sirius smirked. “So, how’s your day going, mate?”
James glared at his best friend.
Regulus returned moments later, holding Harry’s stag plushie. Harry reached for it immediately, hugging it tightly to his chest.
“All better now?” Regulus asked, brushing back his curls.
Harry nodded against Remus’ shoulder.
James let out a relieved sigh. But it wasn’t over yet.
Regulus turned toward Sirius and Remus with the intensity of a war general preparing his troops.
“He likes his cocoa warm, not too hot. If he says it’s ‘too melty,’ that means it’s still too warm, and you need to wait.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Right.”
“He gets two bedtime stories.” Regulus continued as though Sirius hadn’t spoken. “Not one. Two. If he picks a third and you say no, he’ll pout. You’ll want to cave. Don’t. He’ll be too spoiled.”
Remus nodded solemnly. “Got it.”
Regulus glanced at Harry, thinking. “Tuck him in tight, he likes the blanket to ‘hug’ him while he sleeps.”
James, watching in exasperation, rubbed his temples. “Reg, love, they’ve watched him before.”
“Yes,” Regulus said primly, ignoring him. “but it doesn’t hurt to leave reminders.”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Merlin’s beard, Reggie, he’s not being shipped off to Azkaban.”
Regulus shot him a flat look. “No, because if he were, I’d be choking you right now.”
Sirius grinned. “That’s the spirit.”
James cleared his throat. “Alright, alright, enough. Harry, say goodnight.”
Harry turned his big green eyes to his Papa first, pushing his plush stag into one arm so he could wrap the other around Regulus’ neck.
“G’night, Papa,” he mumbled against his shoulder.
Regulus kissed his temple. “Bonne nuit, mon amour.”
Then Harry turned to James. “G’night, Daddy.”
James grinned, leaning in to press a kiss to his forehead. “Night, kiddo. Be good, yeah?”
Harry nodded sleepily.
Remus shifted him slightly. “Alright, let’s go before he changes his mind.”
Sirius gave James and Regulus a mocking little wave. “Enjoy your night. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
James snorted. “There’s little to nothing that you wouldn’t do.”
Sirius winked.
With a swirl of green flames, they vanished.
And then—blessed silence.
James turned to Regulus, eyes looking a bit wild.
Regulus barely had time to say anything before James grabbed his hand and dragged him toward the bedroom.
It was going to be a fun night, James thought.