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I step into the confessional, a sense of dread washing over me. How could I possibly sit across from this man, my priest, and tell him this secret I’ve been keeping for so long? I hear slight movement on the other side as he settles into the confined space. The familiar sound of his gentle voice reached me through the screen, sending a flutter of nerves through me. “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.” I repeat after him and say, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been two weeks since my last confession.”
I look down at my hands, a moment stretching into eternity, filled with the echoes of my unspoken feelings. That is until I hear Father Paul clear his throat. “What is your sin?” I look up at the partition in the middle. I see him slightly through the design carved into it and almost change my mind. But I have to do this. “I seem to be falling for someone. I know it’s wrong but I can’t seem to help it. I just feel like I can be my full self when I’m around him. The way he smiles and shines makes my world a little brighter.” I start to tear up. “I know he doesn’t feel the same…”
I grab my bag from the floor, feeling even more tears well up in my eyes. “Forgive me, Father. I- I have to go. I'm so sorry.” I quickly walk out of the booth making my way for the exit. I hear the door to the other side open, followed quickly by footsteps. “Wait!” I hear. But I’m already out the door, mentally regretting everything.
Two days later I heard a knock on the door. I put down my copy of Crime and Punishment and walk to the door and open it. “Father Paul!” He looks up at me, a serious look on his face. “You didn’t come to mass.” He says, looking into my eyes. “I know, I guess I just needed some time.” I take a step back and motion for him to enter. He does and we make our way over to my dining room table. “Would you like some tea? I made Earl Grey.” He agrees and I bring him a mug and some sugar. “Thank you.” He says as I sit.
I look up at him, the air crackling with tension. “Is everything okay?” He sighed. “It's just, after confession well, I was a bit too embarrassed to show my face. Like I said, I just needed time.” He moves closer. “Please continue what you were saying in confession.” Something about the softness of his voice catches me and I start to tell him what I meant that day. “As I said, I’ve fallen for someone. It wouldn’t be right to pursue it. He just brings me so much warmth. He’s the most amazing person I have ever met.” I feel a tear slide down my cheek and he reaches up to gently wipe it away. “It’s you…”
“I’m sorry.” Father Paul, a man of faith and reason, found himself caught in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. The unconventional nature of their potential relationship weighed heavily on his mind, the vows he’d taken were a constant reminder of the obstacles to come. Yet, looking at her, the vulnerability and honesty shining in her eyes, he couldn't deny the undeniable truth resonating within his own heart.”I- I’ve fallen for you too."
I look up at him, a surprised look on my face. “I have for a while. And if you’ll let me, I’d like to get to know you better.” I smile a bit too widely and he chuckles. “Would that be a yes?” He says taking my hand. “That’s definitely a yes.” I get up and walk to the living room, leading him as well. “I noticed you’ve got records over there. Which is your favorite?”
I walk over to the record player and pull out my vinyl of Lungs by Florence & The Machine. “This is my all-time favorite.” He grins as he walks over to me. “And why is that?” I smile widely, thankful for the opportunity to finally talk to someone about it. “Her voice is so ethereal. The words just really resonate with me. It’s.. the closest I’ve been to Heaven in a long time.” Her voice travels through the air as Paul and I dance together. “I’m a terrible dancer,” I admit after stepping on his foot. He laughs slightly and says, “That’s okay, Angel. I have plenty of time to teach you.” I take his hand and lead him back to the couch.
We talk for hours about our interests. And our lives. Our hopes and dreams. Our childhoods. Religion and what happens when we die. Until suddenly he says “Can I kiss you?” I look at him a moment unsure if I heard him correctly. “Y-yes. I’d like that very mu-“ I’m cut off by him kissing me. Butterflies erupt in my stomach. Sorry, Florence. This just might be the closest to heaven I’ve ever been...