Chapter Text
to disappear; to fizzle out of existence; for one’s immortality to cease, dying with them, rich culture, eons of history, public and government. it took so much to kill a country, yet so little.
Tolys thought about often. he really did. all it would take would be to sign his name on a page and within days his people would be known henceforth as russians. given the current living arrangements, it was hard to not want a break- but one never came. not in the stacks of papers and documents, nor in the endless amounts of meetings he and the other baltics were forced to attend, and not even in the trips abroad or countless errands did he find a break. but where there wasn’t room for a break, there came the occasional moment of freedom.
“c’mon, Liet!!- you should totally come over to my place for lunch!!”
he was always happy for that call or letter from Feliks. thankfully, once he had all his work done and errands ran, Ivan never held him back from visiting Poland, so 9 out of 10 times he could accept the invitation and head on over.
he never stayed long. no matter how long he’d love to stay, no matter how many times Feliks would say “Liiiet!! already??”. papers only piled up on his desk while he was gone but he would always be perfectly fine with signing, reading, and working overtime to get them done if it meant he could see Poland. many people would say it’s because of how much Tolys valued their friendship. some of those close to the pair would say it’s because of how much Tolys valued their love- and while yes, that was true to the fullest extent, there was another reason for his love to stay with Poland for even just a few hours a month.
for those very hours is what he thrived. in those few hours is when he was him. not another one of the Baltic trio, nor was he extension of Russia. in those 3 hours of the occasional day that he met Feliks, he was Lithuania; he was Tolys Laurinaitis. it was bliss, and Feliks’ company was the thing that really made it all worth while..
..but a few hours couldn’t save Tolys from the fact that he was still another one of Ivan’s subordinates. polish food couldn’t erase his feeling of slipping to the fabrics of time, trickling into nothingness. a hug and a kiss goodbye from Feliks couldn’t restore him to the power he once was.
and it ate away at him. along with the scene of how he was ripped away from Poland, the image of a world in which he was no more seeped into his dreams at night; a world in which he had succumbed to what seemed inevitable.. it was a world he wasn’t opposed to the thought of. though when Poland asked him how he was keeping, he would never actually admit it..