Chapter Text
The Most Awkward Mission
Itachi Uchiha had faced many challenges in his sixteen years of life—high-stakes missions, high-level battles, and grueling training sessions under his father’s strict eye. Yet, nothing could have prepared him for the mission his mother assigned him that morning.
“Sasuke is getting older,” Mikoto had said with a knowing smile, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “It’s time for him to learn about… certain things. I think it would be best if you and Shisui talked to him.”
Itachi had merely blinked. “What… certain things?”
“You know,” she said lightly. “Changes in his body. Growing up. Puberty. Sex education.”
For the first time in his life, Itachi felt the stirrings of genuine panic. He wasn’t even sure how to process what his mother had just said, let alone carry it out. Surely, this was a task better suited for their father?
Unfortunately, Fugaku had already dismissed the idea. “It’s better if he hears it from his brother. And Shisui,” he had added.
So here he was, sitting on Shisui’s porch, staring blankly into the distance as Shisui doubled over laughing beside him.
“You—You have got to be kidding me!” Shisui gasped between wheezes. “They actually told you to do that?! And they roped me into it too?! Oh, this is priceless!”
“Shisui,” Itachi said flatly, “this is not funny.”
“It’s hilarious!” Shisui wiped a tear from his eye. “What are we supposed to do? Sit Sasuke down like, ‘Hey, buddy, so your body is gonna start doing some weird things soon’?”
“That is exactly what we have to do.”
Shisui’s laughter abruptly stopped. “…Wait, you’re serious? We actually have to do this?”
Itachi sighed. “Yes.”
Shisui groaned, slumping back against the porch railing. “Man, I knew being your best friend came with some drawbacks, but this is next level. Alright, let’s get it over with. Where’s the little guy?”
—
Sasuke sat on the engawa, minding his own business, when his brother and cousin approached him with identical expressions of deep discomfort. He eyed them warily.
“Sasuke,” Itachi began in a calm but slightly strained voice, “we need to talk.”
Sasuke frowned. “About what?”
Shisui clapped a hand on his shoulder, grinning a little too wide. “About the wonderful journey of puberty!”
Sasuke’s face scrunched in confusion. “What’s that?”
Itachi inhaled sharply. “It is the process of physical and hormonal changes that will occur as you grow older. Your body will—”
Shisui cut in. “Basically, your voice is gonna get deeper, you’re gonna get taller, and you might start getting hair in weird places.”
Sasuke blinked. “What?”
Shisui gestured vaguely. “You know. On your face. And uh… other places.”
Sasuke still looked deeply confused, but there was also an undercurrent of horror in his expression. “Other places? Where?”
Itachi, who had been hoping for a more structured approach, pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shisui, let’s not be vague.”
“Oh, fine. Sasuke, you’re going to get armpit hair, facial hair, and, uh… down there.”
Sasuke’s eyes widened in alarm. “Why?! That’s weird!”
Shisui snorted. “Tell me about it, kid.”
Itachi sighed. “It’s a natural part of growing up. Your body will develop in many ways. You will become stronger, your voice will change, and you may experience… certain emotions more intensely.”
Sasuke still looked skeptical. “Like what?”
Shisui smirked. “Oh, you know. Mood swings. Irritability. Sudden interest in girls.”
Sasuke immediately recoiled. “EW.”
Itachi looked mildly relieved. “It is normal to feel that way now, but as you grow, your perspective may change.”
“Never,” Sasuke declared.
Shisui grinned. “Give it a few years. Pretty soon, you’ll be making moony eyes at someone and writing bad poetry.”
Sasuke looked physically pained. “That’s disgusting.”
Itachi cleared his throat. “Speaking of which… we also need to discuss reproduction.”
Sasuke froze. His stomach dropped. “Reproduction?”
Shisui’s grin widened. “Oh, yeah, buddy. The talk.”
Itachi nodded solemnly. “It is important that you understand how it works.”
Sasuke had a bad feeling about this. “I don’t need to know.”
“You do,” Itachi insisted.
Shisui, of course, had no interest in keeping this professional. “Okay, so, you know how babies are made, right?”
Sasuke, deeply suspicious, shook his head. “No…?”
“Well, it’s when—”
“I do not want to know!”
“Sasuke,” Itachi said, rubbing his temple, “it is essential information.”
“No, it’s not!” Sasuke protested. “I don’t ever need to know!”
Shisui grinned wickedly. “Oh, but you will. And once you learn, you’ll never be able to unlearn it.”
Sasuke scowled. “I hate you.”
Shisui chuckled. “That’s fair.”
Itachii sighed.
“How about we leave the rest of it for another day?”
That’s enough information for now.