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Was it fair?
Upset, is an understatement of what Minho felt.
He wasn’t sure of what to feel after what had happened.
It was a few minutes ago, after he got off the stage with the other members in tow, the same as him, distraught.
“Why… I showed all that I learned and worked hard for… I’m still… not good enough…?” his thoughts were running rampant in his head trying to piece themselves together, to make everything make sense to understand, but it doesn’t.
~
A few minutes ago,
“Congratulations, the members will debut as 8” JYP announced. The crowd and Stray Kids… fell silent.
“Why 8 members sir?” the MC questioned. Picking up the mic again, JYP sighed before uttering the words that would lead the group’s hearts to break but one to completely shatter.
“Minho… I’m sorry… but you’re not yet ready to be on stage.”
~
Closing the door to the dressing room, Stray kids were met with pin-drop silence. The staff were respectful enough to leave the room once all of the members were there to register what happened to maybe, even get their feelings out.
Felix was the first one to make a move. Tears falling down his freckled cheeks, he dashed forward and caged Minho into a tight hug.
Unfazed, Minho just laid his head on Felix’s head, eyes covered by his bangs as Felix let out tiny sobs.
Soon, the entire room was shedding tears at the loss of their beloved dance tutor who taught them the entirety of what they know about performing. Chan, most of all, felt at fault.
Why? Did I fail him? I failed him… I failed as a leader… I failed as a friend.
Minho, Now having to understand his place, returned Felix’s hug. Soon, the others caged the two into a group hug. The feelings were so overwhelming that no words were uttered between them.
The door then opened to reveal the manager. “It’s time to go… Minho, I was asked for you to gather your things, as you have been sent home for the day. You can still go back for training but you’ll have a week off after today” he said. Minho, staying silent, just nodded.
They soon left the building, piling in the two separate vans that were parked outside, before returning to their dorm, Minho’s once so-called second home.
During the car ride though, his mind started racing again. It has been stripped away from him. All of his hard work, all of his sleepless nights, everything, just like that, gone.
Seungmin was not far behind.
Why? How? Hyung was close to fainting just to be part of the group only to be shunned back into the shadows for the second time,?
The first friend that Minho made in that company. Now, they’re two different people after this, who share no significant status anymore. Now, they’re two strangers.
Felix as well, with his mind in shambles as he stared blankly outside at the moving houses. Why was he the only one being brought back? Why was HE the only ONE?
With his mind and emotions a mess, he can’t help but be teary.
It wasn’t fair.
Reaching the dorms, all of them dropped what they were carrying before hounding and pulling Minho into another group hug. This time, there are no cameras, no crowd, no nothing, just them, enclosed in the four walls that brought so many memories for Minho to treasure.
Cries, sobs, tears, everything, were let out by the people who Minho describes as another family. Brothers that fought well to earn their spot in the group. He felt saddened to see them like this, but he can’t help but feel upset as well. Why wasn’t he given a chance to be with them? He can train as they grow right? So why wasn’t he blessed with that chance?
“Minho” he heard his name. Glancing at the voice, stood Chan. The leader, His brother, stared at him with the most dejected look that he had ever seen him.
“I’m sorry. I failed you. I should’ve been there for you. I’m sorry” Chan bowed. The others were saying, it was not his fault, and it truly wasn’t, but Chan felt responsible about what happened. He can’t help but beat himself up with the loss of a member.
“What are you sorry about? I was the one who was not good enough for him to see me fit to be with all of you. He must be right because I might just bring all of you down.” Minho replied. His first sentence after the final members' announcement.
“No! You are not going to bring the group down! Not ever! JYP was wrong!” Hyunjin screamed.
“Hyunjin’s right. Hyung, You’re not just good enough, You’re perfect for the group. Please, don’t devalue the hard work you put into those performances.” Han said. His eyes puffy because of the river of tears he let out in the dressing room.
Seeing and hearing them say such meaningful words was a stab to his already shattered heart. Knowing that soon, he won’t be seeing them in the same light anymore. He’ll just be on the sidelines as they shine under the spotlight without him.
The talk that he had with the members was cut short as the manager told him to be ready after 5 minutes as he have to be escorted home by the manager himself.
Reality sunk in as he strolled his suitcase out of the door. Turning around to see the faces of the friends that he had made. The brothers that had walked with him in the journey of becoming a member of the group. The people… that will walk on that path, leaving him behind.
“This is it. I hope that you remember what I told you when I was first let go. I’m with you on the journey, I’m just in the shadows.” he smiled before opening his arms to let the members have their final embrace before leaving his second family behind as a memory.
~~~
“Thank You Stays! See you tomorrow!”
The first day of the Maniac concert ended with the crowd’s cheers as the members descended from the stage. It was tiring but the screams of those who supported them through their career were able to give them the boosts of energy that they needed.
The room looked so wide and spacey, even though it was packed with the members and the staff running around to get the preparations done for all of them to go home and rest for the day.
It has been 5 years since then. 5 years since the third oldest of the group left. 4 years since another, oldest member of the group left. Now, standing in front of Chan were his little brothers. The brothers who looked up to him as he were now the only, oldest.
Looking at everyone’s faces he couldn’t help but be overprotective. He doesn’t want what happened to Minho happen to the others that were left. It would only just break him more if it did.
He chose these people. It would break— no it would destroy him if he loses another one of them.
~
The next day came so fast. The members felt so tired but yesterday, it felt so magical. To see everyone there. To see the fans cheer for them.
It brought the group’s energy level to rise.
Standing on the stage, preparing for the performance, having the spotlight on them, the crowd cheering, makes everything, perfect. Well, Almost.
In the middle of the last ment of the concert, Felix or someone was talking about how amazing the two-day concert was.
Han was skimming at the crowd, trying to take everything all in when he noticed a sign in the crowd.
“I’m there with you, I’m just in the shadows”
That last line sounded so familiar. It sounded like someone he knew so well had said before.
Han’s eyes widened. No… It couldn’t be… He’s here?!
His eyes stung of unshed tears as he tapped on Jeongin’s shoulder, grabbing his attention.
Pointing at where he saw the sign, Jeongin also, went awestruck. Covering his mouth at the thought of the older brother that he met and taught him dancing was here, watching them.
“Han? Is everything alright?” Chan asked through the loud-speaker of his mic. Wiping the stray tear that crossed his cheek, he settled the mic to his mouth. “I’m alright, but there’s someone in the crowd that I really miss.” he said.
The members soon searched the crowd to see who this person that Han was missing so dearly. They didn’t have to search anymore, as a voice through the speaker spoke. The voice that they have missed hearing ever since he left that night.
“I told you, I’ll be watching you from afar. I also told you that I’ll be with you. Not under the spotlight, but in the shadows.” Minho said, holding a mic on his hand and holding the sign that Han saw at the other. Stepping onto the stage that was once a dream, now just a memory, brought him Deja Vu.
The members did not wait for anything as they stormed into Minho’s open arms giving the man a bear group hug. Oh, how he missed these guys. Seeing them on TV being funny, doing all these crazy things, while he stays at home smiling at them.
The group hug was emotional, for both the fans, and the members.
He wished to be with them, but he is satisfied at seeing their success from the side. He’s happy for them. He couldn’t ruin that. He is perfectly fine defending and supporting them anonymously.
He’s happy, for them.