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Right when Hyunju shifted in her bed, she heard footsteps and chatter from the other players moving from one area to another. She slightly heard the main steel door opening and a few squeaks of small wheels, indicating it was finally lunchtime.
Being stuck in the games means no access to clocks and watches, and not even free to ask the guards about the time. The players, including Hyunju, could only tell the time difference between wake-up calls, lunch and dinner breaks, and sleeping time, which most likely broke everyone's body clock. According to her notes, it had only been 4 whole days, but it surely felt like an eternity.
Despite her eyes still shut, Hyunju could hear Geumja talking to Gyeongseok about getting a meal for her, but he protested, saying that the guards wouldn't allow it. Hyunju slowly opened her eyes, meeting Gyeongseok's as he crouched down at the height of the bed. Whenever Hyunju saw his face as soon as she woke up, it reminded her that everyone was still alright and together in the area they claimed. Same with the sleeping hours. Hyunju and Gyeongseok's beds were adjacent, which allowed them to see each other through the metal bars that held their beds before Hyunju dozed off to sleep every night.
"Hey, pretty," Gyeongseok mumbled, perfect volume for Hyunju to hear clearly. "I mean, Hyunju- ssi , it's lunch time." Apparently, he took it back so quickly. Hyunju found it endearing somehow, but even with her clouded mind, she couldn't stop asking herself if Gyeongseok actually found her pretty. Hyunju knows she's pretty herself, but what about in the eyes of another person?
Hyunju tried to stand up. Being on standby, Gyeongseok offered both his hands for support, but she managed eventually after going down the steps. She didn't need support despite the outcome of the previous game, but he insisted on accompanying her to the queue for safety. "It's alright, Gyeongseok," Hyunju reassured him.
Hyunju was the last one to eat in their team. Yongsik was in Daeho's group, having a meeting of some sort and moments later would crack jokes to lighten up the mood, while Geumja proceeded to take a short nap near them. Gyeongseok, instead of joining the meeting, joined Hyunju in eating lunch.
Hyunju finished and set the container and the spoon down. "You should've eaten before me," she frowned. "But thank you."
Gyeongseok stared at her, smiling so softly and shaking his head sideways as reassurance it was no big deal.
Despite the short time they spent together in such a terrible place, to begin with, Hyunju admitted that she felt comfortable and safe around Gyeongseok. Especially after Youngmi was taken from Hyunju after the 3rd game, she almost found it hard to redeem herself but Gyeongseok made it a lot easier for her. Gyeongseok knew that.
Gyeongseok was nothing but nice towards Hyunju and everyone else in her circle. He didn’t have any stable group to share meals and crack jokes with, and the moment he saw Hyunju’s group win Six Legs, he immediately decided to join them. It wasn’t only for his safety but because of their group’s effective teamwork and Hyunju’s competence, he was impressed.
"If you don't mind me asking, what do you do for a living? Why are you here?" Hyunju questioned out of curiosity.
Gyeongseok smiled, wiping his mouth with the napkin included in the container. "I'm an artist at an amusement park in Gwacheon. Even though I get customers daily, the earnings will never be enough, knowing I have a daughter, Nayeon."
"You have a daughter?" Hyunju's eyes shone, smiling widely. Gyeongseok nodded yes, scratching the back of his head in shyness after seeing Hyunju's eyes spark in pure enthusiasm.
"But, sadly… She suffers from severe blood cancer," Gyeongseok slowly frowned. "Which is why I joined–"
"–why you joined the games," Hyunju sighed in defeat. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine. Nayeon's at the hospital, I'm sure the nurses will look after her while I’m away." Gyeongseok paused for a second, holding his empty lunch container. He gradually squeezed the container with all his strength, "As long as I get out of this stupid game and win a fair share, I will make sure Nayeon will get the best she deserves,” Gyeongseok comforted himself with his own words and Hyunju's presence as she rested a hand on his.
Gyeongseok set his container on the further side of the bed and allowed Hyunju to swallow his hands with hers. Hyunju's hands were soft as pillows—reminded Gyeongseok of those tiny pillows from dollhouses that Nayeon played with whenever they went to local toy stores. He observed that Hyunju's nail polish was already wearing off, with a lot of small to large empty spots, and only a few fingernails were still fully colored black.
Hyunju, with hands still wrapped around Gyeongseok's, gently tapped her fingertips and caressed his hands. "We'll get out of this," She mumbled. “ Trust me.”
Hyunju noticed that Gyeongseok’s head was still down as he frowned. “I also want to share my recent experience at an amusement park too,” she revealed. Gyeongseok looked up at her, signaling an interest in the sudden change of topic. “Well, I went to the park, maybe a week or two after the initial transition process. You know, to entertain myself a bit since I cut contact with everyone I know. There was this one girl who I assumed was 4 or 5 years old. She ran into me and the impact made her cute hat fall. I put it back on her head and she called me pretty.”
—
While she took her 2-day leave from work, Hyunju went to Gwacheon for the first time. She did everything a normal tourist would do—go to cafes, bookstores, malls, and parks, especially at this one amusement park she read about in an advertisement from the station. Despite not trying the rides, Hyunju took sweet strolls, checking in on some merch shops, food stalls, caricature painting sessions, and magic shows that gathered kids together. She witnessed shines on their eyes and lips forming O's in excitement.
Hyunju couldn't get her eyes off them, sitting on one of the empty benches near the area. It had a nice shade from the sun—not much damage to the skin. The weather was balanced for everyone who wanted to stay under the sun but still could wear thick clothing. Hyunju could feel the cold air hit her face, and she thought that it was the best feeling yet.
In the past year, Hyunju had only worked hours a day under the sun. She moved to Gwangmyeong for a better lifestyle, ending her journey to a stop at a strawberry farm. The owners were glad she was there, not only that they need extra help, but they also wanted good company as there were only three people in the house. Hyunju couldn't be happier being accepted as she was.
Hyunju took a heavy breath, sensing all the freedom she hadn't felt ever since she got out of the army. The noise from the kids and rides didn't bother her. The smell of freshly cooked caramel popcorn was definitely mouthwatering. Right there, Hyunju knew she was free.
Until she felt her stomach grumble, Hyunju let out a heavy sigh. She blamed the caramel popcorn which surely brought her to that state. She hoped that no one heard that, and to her fortune, no eyes were turned to look at her direction. She shrugged it off and got up to the nearest food place inside the park. She never got to check the map out, but luckily there was a stand with map flyers. Hyunju had her goals set straight as she went her way to the stand.
Hyunju heard a soft thud and felt an impact against her thighs. When she looked on the ground, a red strawberry-like bucket hat was sitting upside down. She was about to pick it up when a tiny girl's voice rang in her ears.
"That's mine," the girl was shy around Hyunju. "Can I have it back?"
Hyunju crouched down to the little kid's level and picked the hat up. "Is this yours, little one?" The kid slowly nodded yes. "Let me take care of it for you." Hyunju dusted the hat off and carefully placed it on the kid's head, making sure the face was exposed well.
"Done," Hyunju curled her lips into a warm smile as she looked at the little one. "Now, you're pretty!"
The little kid stared at Hyunju and smiled. "You're pretty, too!"
Hyunju had to double-check if she was awake at that moment; thinking of even slapping herself just to snap out of it if it was really happening. But Hyunju soon realized that she wasn't dreaming, that the kid was real, and that the three words she heard were not an illusion. Receiving a compliment from an adult could make you feel good, but coming from a kid with genuine intentions would be different.
Hyunju almost teared up, but she knew she had to be strong at all times. It had been a forced habit, more like torture since she was brought to the military. She knew she wasn't herself but kept trying, perhaps believing that a change could somehow happen. But the more she tried, the more she just hurt herself, and the more she experienced the punishment she created for herself. So for her self-comfort, she would simply just wash her face with clean water, look at herself in the mirror, and whisper the words, ' You’re more than this .' She found it unfair how she had to live a life where strength had to overcome her vulnerability, having to bottle up emotions she would normally let out.
"Thank you," Hyunju smiled, tears gradually forming in her eyes. The kid smiled back at her, reaching out her hand to Hyunju's face in an attempt to wipe her tears. But Hyunju looked away to wipe them herself and prevented the others from continuing to fall.
-
"Have you eaten?" Hyunju asked the kid but only received a shaking head sideways as a response. They walked hand in hand, side by side, under the shadows from the leaves and branches of trees that waved along the wind. The kid requested Hyunju to walk with her because she was alone. Hyunju tried to ask about her parents' whereabouts, but she only left the atmosphere with silence. Hyunju never knew who to ask instead so she could bring the kid back.
Besides, the kid also enjoyed her company. In the past hour, they went to some kid-friendly rides that weren't far from where they came from, as Hyunju supposed that her parents might be nearby to get her eventually. Surprisingly for Hyunju, every worker at the park knew who the kid was, but no one batted an eye when she was with someone else.
Hyunju noticed her whispering to them before going on the ride and even smiled so gently towards Hyunju as they passed through. Hyunju couldn’t care less what that was for.
"Isn't your mom looking for you, little one?" Hyunju brought up a question while they took a break from the rides. “Or Dad, maybe, I don’t know,” Hyunju asked her name before that but the girl didn't pay her any mind, looking around the park as she ate treats. She gave the little kid some cheesy fries, a small soda, and a few candies she could take home later.
"Dad's still working," the little girl finally replied, yet so casually that it should bother Hyunju. In the end, she didn't because it seemed that the kid wasn't bothered to be with a person aside from her dad at all.
After their recess, Hyunju followed the little girl to a mascot parade. It was a few minutes past 4 pm, the sun had almost set and the air had gone cooler. A lot of people gathered together, children so happy and excited, as the speakers boomed with music.
The kid released her hand from Hyunju's grip as they got closer, running toward the small crowd. Hyunju kept an eye on her while she enjoyed the parade from a good distance. There really were mascots, floats, and a few of the stunts that had mini-shows back in the area where she and the girl met.
A pig mascot was getting closer to the girl. The mascots were giving out sweet treats to every child they passed by, except for that pig. Hyunju saw how it skipped the little girl on purpose. It bothered her so bad she almost went aggressively after it as she got closer. Until Hyunju saw a bunny mascot that stopped, especially in front of the kid. It gave her a big, round lollipop, and walked away. The little girl came back to Hyunju with the biggest smile on her face. Hyunju smiled back at her, and the kid pulled her away from the crowd. The music and noise gradually faded as they strolled, signaling that they had gone farther from the parade.
Hyunju couldn't, and possibly wouldn't, forget the pig mascot.
Hyunju checked the time and she thought it was time to call it a day. But apparently, the kid still had plans in mind. She pulled Hyunju back near the caricature painting sessions and let her sit on one of the benches not so far away. Next to Hyunju was a couple playing with their dogs—one pomeranian held by one of them and a doberman sitting on the ground like a gentleman next to the other.
The little girl ran to one of the artists and it seemed like she was asking for something. Hyunju wondered if that was her dad, thinking that she could finally leave. But she felt bad for not saying goodbye after all the time they spent together. Besides, Hyunju had no idea who her father was, and she surely couldn't just trust her with a guy just because she went there to get something, knowing that most of the workers in the park knew her.
Not a minute later, the little kid came running back with a piece of bond paper and a box of used crayons. Hyunju scootched a little to the side, as well as the couple with dogs, to make room for the girl. Hyunju just observed her hold the crayon, doodle, and draw the bunny mascot that gave her the lollipop.
-
The little girl began running. Hyunju breathed in and out so fast as she ran with the girl, resting her arms on her hips as she panted. Hyunju stood upright once seeing the establishment they ran off to–the dressing room of the mascots. The girl looked at her, pushing her arms toward Hyunju as she showed the artwork she made. Despite her unsteady breaths, Hyunju managed to smile at it and nodded a yes to the permission the girl was implying to ask.
"I'll be there to wait for you," Hyunju touched the girl on her shoulder and pointed at the empty bench.
Hyunju reached the bench without anyone else taking over. She could see the girl at the door, still hesitating to enter. The girl opened the door entirely, stepping in slowly. Hyunju was sure nothing else was going to happen until a few minutes later, a man from the establishment came out and ran off. Later on, he came back with another guy.
"What could've gone wrong?" Hyunju stood up, attempting to check the situation. But before she could, the same man went out with the little kid. He looked like her father, considering how he carried her. Hyunju noticed no paper on the kid's hand, indicating that she had already given the artwork to the mascot. The kid once looked in Hyunju's direction, waving her hand. Hyunju wanted to wave back, but the two were already hidden by the growing crowd.
—
Gyeongseok curled his lips to a smile, “she did? She must be raised well ‘cause she told you the truth.” Hyunju blushed at Gyeongseok’s comment, eyes widening and avoiding eye contact for a moment. She was starting to realize that she had been developing a certain kind of feeling towards him that she hadn't expected to feel. Despite how insane it would sound, Hyunju somehow hoped that the man did too.
"But then," Hyunju continued. "The next day, I came back late in the afternoon, and I went back to the same place we met. It had been long so I figured I would go to the parade because I knew it started at 4. Well, I didn't find her there either. Then I heard some people screaming—there was panic in them, and the sound of an ambulance. I searched for them, but was only met by a guy running carrying a kid."
Hyunju saw a familiar strawberry hat. That was when she realized—it was the little girl. She couldn't take a good glimpse of how the kid’s dad looked, nor did she want to at that time. The moment Hyunju was about to step into the street to take the hat that fell off, another girl was at the scene. She instead picked up the strawberry hat and took it with her, inserting it into one of the pockets of her jacket.
Hyunju had never seen the kid since then, and never had she planned to give the park another visit to reduce and forget the pain from what she witnessed. She would've only gone back to the moment she stood still and couldn't do anything to save the little girl, and partially blamed herself for not arriving earlier.
Gyeongseok furrowed his eyebrows at the story he just heard. It might've rang a bell because it's exactly what happened on the day Nayeon was brought to the hospital. Besides, Hyunju didn't specify which park she went to. Perhaps a very similar incident occurred in another park.
He didn't give it much thought and moved on as they all went to the center for the daily voting. It's when Gyeongseok realized they're still in the games and nothing seemed to be certain as to when they would be free from that madness.
When it was Hyunju's turn, there was no hesitation before pressing the X button. Gyeongseok did too. Not only because Hyunju did it first, but he also wanted to be with his daughter again. His conversation with Hyunju made him want to. The others pressed the X button as well. However, many players were still on the other side, resulting in a tie in the daily votes.
Hyunju thought there was some sort of a tiebreaker game that would be added to the flow of the other games, but the guards just walked out after the voting. Gihun gathered everyone around the area, including Hyunju’s team, and planned for the next move. Apparently, there wasn't an official game, but a chaotic one-on-one fight. It was a life-or-death situation that didn't even have to reach the gaming arena.
Hyunju would thank Gihun so much for his prior experience, giving them ideas and plans that helped them get through the games overall, but she saved the gratitude for when they're finally out.
-
It was supposed to be their last night. There were bodies lifelessly lying on the floor, and pools of blood in different amounts in various places in the entire arena, and even at the headquarters. The arena was in pure silence, and the headquarters were filled with quiet mourns and heavy sighs.
“The Frontman…” the speakers rang the entire place of torture. “Is now dead.”
The announcement, followed by everyone else’s screams, shook Hyunju awake. With her eyes slightly opened, she saw the guards walk out of the headquarters instead of attacking the civilians left inside.
She fell asleep next to Geumja who prevented her from charging at the guards alone, but she couldn’t sleep well knowing all of the players besides Daeho she went with hadn’t returned yet.
—
Confronting the frontman and fighting all the guards were all Gihun’s ideas as his final quest to end the games. Despite the dangerous decision, Hyunju agreed and Gyeongseok followed. During the battle, it was tough between them both. They were close to death, but thanks to Hyunju’s skills, they managed to pass through some guards. At one moment, Gyeongseok sat close to Hyunju as they shielded themselves behind a wall.
“Are you okay?” Gyeongseok asked Hyunju in between heavy panting, looking at her. Hyunju nodded, staring back.
As they both locked eyes at that moment, they unknowingly were out of touch with reality, sharing a certain spark that let them forget the actual situation they were in. Strange how time went slower too, despite the chaos surrounding them.
Even without the assurance they’d succeed, Gyeongseok was tempted to tell Hyunju his feelings toward her. Though it started as a small crush after the first game, it gradually became something even more. “I’m okay,” Hyunju finally responded.
Saying ‘I like you,’ seemed so straightforward, yet it was normally easy to say. But in their situation, it might've been the worst idea; if only they were in a setting more peaceful than a deadly colorful hallway. Gyeongseok also didn't want to startle Hyunju so he rather kept it to himself. Hyunju looked away first as she checked the others’ situation. Gyeongseok followed her every move and realized how much he admired her from the start.
Everyone else was just hiding behind walls that blocked the bullets from the guards. Turned out they were running out of ammo, and thought that they had nowhere to go but back to the dorms to get some. But if they went together, there would've been more chances for all of them to die at once. Instead, Hyunju insisted on going back to the dorms herself and trying to find more ammo for everyone because even she had no more spare. However, Daeho volunteered to go in Hyunju's stead. She gave him a go-signal, telling one of them to take cover for Daeho.
-
All guns were almost out. They had been hiding for a long time now and Daeho hadn't returned yet. Hyunju wondered what might've happened on the way. She was already panicking, but she had to be tough, just like how she had for the past years. She wanted to break down and fall to her knees in defeat, but she couldn’t do it because everyone else would see, considering that she stood up as their leader after all.
Hyunju tripped, almost leaning against the walls, but she stood up strong. Though Hyunju wished no one saw her. However, Gyeongseok did, wanting to come closer and give her reassurance.
Gyeongseok knew Hyunju wanted to take a breather. He knew she would be more confident to move if she knew that everyone else was doing alright. Hyunju learned that her goal in the army wasn’t really for personal gain, to prove once again that she had the strength that everyone wanted to see, but to make her realize she had the means to save other people and keep them safe.
On the verge of breakdown, Hyunju felt a soft touch on her shoulders. “Gyeongseok,” Hyunju mumbled. It startled her at first but she soon turned calmer between Gyeongseok’s arms. In between someone's arms, Hyunju started to realize how risky, traumatizing, and, worst of all, unpredictable the situation they were in. She would never know if this would be the last time they’d see and touch each other. There was never a certainty that they'd get out of the place that fucked them all up, which made it more terrifying.
“Hyunju,” Gyeongseok spoke softly near Hyunju’s ear. “I know you needed this. I hope it doesn't make you any worse.” No, it made Hyunju feel better. Out of Gyeongseok's expectations, Hyunju nestled into the embrace and made herself more comfortable, hoping that, at least in a matter of time, she would forget the life-or-death situation and focus on the picture of her and Gyeongseok together.
Hyunju was feeling relaxed—secure rather. It's like how she would imagine waking up in the morning with the warmth of a lover’s embrace. Or when sneaking a hand to a lover’s hand inside their own pockets to double the warm feeling as they walk side by side on a winter's day. As Hyunju imagined these scenarios, she couldn't avoid a tear from falling down her cheeks to Gyeongseok's clothed arm.
“It's okay,” Gyeongseok kept on reminding her. “We're going to be okay.” As Hyunju heard his voice, she knew that she didn't have to find anyone else to give her the warmth and comfort she once thought she never needed. He had been by her side after all.
-
Strangely, it had been a long time since she returned to the dorms to look for Daeho, who was supposed to bring them more ammo during the fight.
Since she couldn't tell the time difference while in the games, Hyunju couldn't tell the time interval since she left the other volunteers. Time seemed so slow whenever Hyunju wondered, and it pissed her off for doing nothing about it.
Daeho was still sitting in the corner, staring blankly at the metal bars, just like how Hyunju found him. He still held on to the blame he put upon himself, and still hadn’t moved on even after Hyunju and Geumja comforted him.
“The frontman’s dead?” Geumja reiterated, looking at Hyunju. “So they succeeded?”
Hyunju nodded, “I think so.” She let out a sigh of relief.
Geumja let a soft smile grow on her face, holding Hyunju’s hands with so much assurance she could give. Hyunju looked around and saw Daeho still sitting. “How is he?” She referred to Daeho.
“I tried to talk to him again, but he’s still unresponsive. A little while ago, I caught a glimpse where he looked at the main door when he heard the announcement, right before you woke up. Like he was waiting for someone.” Geumja explained. All Hyunju could do was smile. She hoped that Daeho could get over it slowly and that he wouldn’t be so hard on himself. It was not his fault. Everyone was in shock, but it didn't mean that he should carry the burden, knowing that the confrontation was a success.
“Have they returned yet? Has Gyeongseok-” Before Hyunju could finish her questions, she heard the main door opening, but instead of the guards, the other players did. They were led by a woman dressed as one of the guards, with her helmet off. Hyunju could’ve sworn that she had seen her somewhere but didn’t give much thought to it.
Everyone else made their way to the center once Gihun and Jungbae entered, and they all cheered for their success. Daeho jumped from his bed as soon as he saw Jungbae. In the middle of the crowd, Hyunju saw Daeho softly pushing everyone else aside to get to Jungbae, then hugged him as soon as he reached him. It was the first time Hyunju saw Daeho cry, letting his heart out while still hugging Jungbae and the latter patted the younger on the back for reassurance. Junhee asked Gihun where Youngil was, but he put his arms around her, smiling instead.
Meanwhile, Hyunju was still standing next to the bed frame. Aside from observing everyone from afar, her eyes only searched for one person, hoping he would return in one piece.
With the fear of not seeing him again, she clutched at her chest. With regret flashing on her face, the last guard stepped into the dorms, leaving the door wide open for everyone to leave. Hyunju fell back to her bed and sat down looking so upset. She spent so much time waiting, believing that he would return. She expected too much, even knowing how uncertain the outcome would be. Hyunju, still with her head down, heard footsteps hitting the metal steps getting closer to her.
-
A good month has passed by since they got out of the games. Hyunju hardly imagined that she would still be capable of breathing the same air as everyone else. She barely visualized herself wearing her sundresses and hats again with pairs of sandals that matched her bags. She almost believed that she wouldn't have people she was confident to call her friend circle. A family, even. Hyunju and the others still had contact and planned on getting dinner near Geumja’s place.
“ Unnie , can you please go on without me?” Junhee spoke over the phone. Hyunju was just about to get out of the apartment she was staying in. She was once rushing, but with Junhee’s call, she felt like she had all the time she needed. “I have to pick up the guys from the station because they're bad at directions.”
“Sure, I have to go somewhere too,” Hyunju let out a chuckle. “How’s Jaeseong?”
—
While exiting the entire establishment of the games, they discussed Junhee’s pregnancy, and Junhee herself asked them a favor in naming her child. She told them that any name would do except for names that begin with the letter ‘M’, implying her ex-boyfriend’s name, which made the others laugh.
A couple of names were thrown in the small crowd Gihun’s and Hyunju’s teams created near the forest. Even Geumja spat out some names, giving their meanings as well. Hyunju also participated but Junhee still seemed disapproving. Countless names were spoken, and yet only one name did Junhee’s interest land on: Daeho’s. “What if… Jaeseong,” he suggested. “Jae means true, and Seong means success.” Everyone went silent and all eyes were on him, making him a little shy and then hiding his face with his jacket as his habit.
“I mean, you know how we survived the games and you said any name just not with M. I made it to a letter J so it starts with Jun-”
Junhee smiled, “I love it.”
—
“He’s doing fine in here,” Junhee spoke over the phone. She caressed her tummy, even though Hyunju wouldn’t see it. “Don't forget about the dinner tonight! Geumja will get mad at us, especially at you. Take care, Unnie !”
“Yes,” Hyunju confirmed, then ended the call with a smile.
-
Inserting her phone back into her dress pocket, Hyunju stood up in front of the entrance of the place she would never forget. She could forget every detail of the worst experiences in her life inside that godforsaken arena, but never the place that brought out the best in her—the amusement park in Gwacheon. Hyunju promised herself to try to forget the last time she visited.
As she waited for time to pass, Hyunju strolled around, letting her feet move wherever they wanted her to go. There weren't any other differences except for new staff in the stalls, and unfamiliar amusement park workers. One thing she noticed was the caricature painting session area. Hyunju knew they were three, but now they were only two.
“ He told me to meet here,” Hyunju mumbled, taking her phone out and checking her texts. No new messages, no presence of the said person. “There's no way something came up-”
“Hyunju- ssi !”
And there he was. Hyunju looked in the direction of the voice calling her name. He was trotting towards her, with the smile plastered on his face that Hyunju missed so much. She smiled, “Gyeongseok!” She raised her right hand, slightly waving to meet him. That scene felt so familiar to Hyunju as it reminded her so much of her last encounters inside the hellish dorms. But since the confrontation was a success, indeed it brought Hyunju a more enjoyable time in the future.
“I’m sorry, I got held up. Noeul visited Nayeon in our apartment and handed gifts to her.” Gyeongseok explained, ruffling his hair with his hand.
It had been so long since Hyunju met Noeul—their final day in the games. Hyunju started to like her since then.
—
Hyunju remained sitting on her bed, ignoring the highly spirited gathering of the volunteers and the remaining players. She couldn't face anyone that very moment, because she knew all she would do was to show her vulnerable image that she kept for years. She knew that everyone else would care less if they saw her looking the gloomiest she’d ever been, especially Geumja and Junhee whom she shared more comfortable conversations and moments, but she still believed that crying in front of them would make them more concerned about her, leading to more questions asked that she didn't want to remember. Hyunju didn't want that.
To Hyunju's surprise, a sound of ascending footsteps was heard that made her eyes gradually widen. Hyunju looked up, “Gyeong-”
It wasn't him.
“Are you Cho Hyunju?” It was 011—one of the pink guards that Hyunju caught a glimpse of during their confrontation at the hallway. Hyunju nodded in response, keeping her hands together and warming them up out of sudden anxiety as to why a pink guard came up to her. Also because she was still holding a gun.
The pink guard sighed in defeat. “I never meant to hurt you or threaten you,” she reassured while setting the gun down the metal steps. “I’m Kang Noeul, and I’m here to tell you something.”
At that moment, Hyunju couldn't spare any more patience. “I’m sorry... I’m not in the mood to listen, so please—”
“It's about Gyeongseok,”
Hyunju stood up from her bed, her eyes starting to spark with so much hope. “What about him?”
Noeul, who had a frowning face upon walking up to Hyunju, curled the ends of her lips into a smile. The softest one she pulled in a long while. Hyunju was confused at first, but she realized what it meant.
Gyeongseok is alive.
Hyunju pulled Noeul to a hug, one that Noeul hadn't experienced in such a long time. The latter hugged back and buried her face on Hyunju's neck.
Noeul pulled away first. Hyunju ran down the steps and frantically searched for him. Even with slight confusion and suspicion, she still pushed through just to find him in the crowd. Hyunju believed it would've been easy for her to spot Gyeongseok because she was tall and he was almost the same height as her. Hyunju kept searching in the player crowd, yet she also kept on seeing the same faces. Hyunju stopped in her tracks, breathing less normally as she caught her breath while walking and looking around. If there was no sign of Gyeongseok in the same crowd, then he must be…
Hyunju caught a glimpse of a bright figure in her peripheral vision—it looked like a pink guard slowly walking towards her direction. She turned her head towards the person. The ample distance got lesser in between them, but the tension just kept growing and growing as seconds passed. Regardless of how much the guard showed expression, Hyunju wouldn't know what it was under that mask.
The pink guard stopped in their tracks. They weren't holding anything, so Hyunju never felt threatened. In fact, they were holding onto their stomach and they walked a bit unsteadily. The pink guard did Hyunju a favor as they removed their hood and discarded their mask.
Before anything, Hyunju ran towards them—towards Gyeongseok, disguised as a pink guard. Hyunju started to pull him into a tighter hug, then he returned the same affectionate gesture. They stayed like that for a few more seconds before pulling away, revealing Hyunju's eyes getting red and swollen. Gyeongseok reached for Hyunju’s hand, rubbing his thumb on her skin and caressing it so gently. Even through the smallest and slightest gesture, Hyunju found it more reassuring than the hug, considering that their fingers and palms touching was longer than a quick embrace.
“Have you been crying?” Gyeongseok asked Hyunju, wiping the tears that streamed down her cheek. She nodded, but then shook her head no.
“I waited… For you. I thought… I won’t see you again,” Hyunju sniffled in between words. She wanted to talk straight, but no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t spit out some words—not even a bunch of letters or a relieved sigh.
Hyunju barely ever saw herself asking fate for a good sign that everything would work out, but then she realized how much she wanted to give up the moment things decided to fall apart. Of course, Gyeongseok’s long disappearance, even if it was just an hour or so, didn’t help Hyunju as it shattered her heart even more. Perhaps Hyunju had enough of bottling her feelings because it caused her too much pain than she ever imagined.
Gyeongseok felt Hyunju trembling under his touch and he knew it wasn’t because of the cold. Hyunju had been crying for so long that she fell asleep on Geumja’s lap to feel another’s presence regardless. She had been feeling uneasy ever since she came back, and it hadn’t died down until she saw Gyeongseok alive. He gave Hyunju soft taps on her shoulders and they worked to calm her down. He gave her a light squeeze and guided her to the side as he stood facing her, blocking the others’ chances to see Hyunju’s vulnerable state with the broadness of his back.
For a moment, only Hyunju’s calmer sobs were the only thing Gyeongseok heard. He responded with soft shushes, a free hand sneaking into her cheek and wiping her tears with his thumb. “There’s nothing to worry about, Hyunju,” Gyeongseok reassured yet again. “I’m here.”
“And I’m glad,” Hyunju’s voice was no longer trembling and her grasp wasn’t as shaky as before, but she still had her head down. With a deep and heavy breath, she began to collect herself. “Yes, I’m crying because you haven’t returned yet. In the past hour, all I thought about was expecting the worst and that you would be gone for good. Now that you’re here, I’m glad. Sorry, I could’ve expressed myself better.”
“You’re the first one I saw when I removed the mask,” Gyeongseok mumbled. “You don’t have to show or tell me anything.” He lifted Hyunju’s chin with a finger, letting her look him in the eye. Gyeongseok smiled, “I know what you want to say and... I can feel it. I can feel you .”
—
“Oh, just say you woke up late,” Hyunju giggled. She fixed her dress and wore her sling bag on her shoulder, preparing to leave. “Where’s Nayeon?”
“Wait here,” Gyeongseok jogged towards the caricature area, calling out to Nayeon. Then, it revealed a little girl from behind one of the caricature artists’ canvas easels. Nothing changed as much since Gyeongseok left her in the hospital. Nayeon was supposed to run to her dad, but she stopped on her tracks when she saw Hyunju. She seemed perplexed and a little hesitant to move as she tried to remember Hyunju.
Some pieces of her memory had been bugging her ever since she got discharged from the hospital, and she felt that Hyunju was the woman she was within that memory.
Hyunju squinted her eyes to see at such a distance. “A strawberry bucket hat,” she noticed. The moment she saw the bucket hat, she already knew that the girl looked familiar. “Nayeon, Nayeon… Strawberry bucket hat… She’s Seok’s little one… She’s-” After enumerating all possible terms that could help her think, Hyunju finally remembered.
“Nayeon-ah!” Gyeongseok called for the last time, waving his hand and gesturing to her to come closer to him. Nayeon got closer, carefully walking on those little red boots. “I want you to meet— oh? ”
Before Gyeongseok could finish his introduction, Nayeon came running toward Hyunju and pulled her into a hug. “You're back!” Nayeon’s little cheerful voice echoed Hyunju's ears. She finally remembered,
“Hi, little one,” Hyunju responded, leaning down to Nayeon’s height. “You still wear your cute bucket hat. So pretty.” Hyunju smiled at her.
“Auntie Noeul gave it to me today,” Nayeon fixed her bucket hat on her head, giving the edges a few pinches and arranging it to fit perfectly on her head. “She said I dropped it the day I went to the hospital.”
“Glad she brought it back to you.” Hyunju smiled. “I wonder how Nayeon would react if she didn’t.” Nayeon just giggled as a response, especially when Hyunju booped her nose.
Hyunju never imagined she would see the little girl again. Even after weeks or months of being away from each other, Nayeon still remembered her and the moment she hugged her was the best feeling ever. Hyunju wondered how exactly Nayeon remembered her—to think that they had only spent one day in the amusement park together.
“I saw your strawberry keychain hanging on your bag,” Nayeon responded. “I knew it was you because you're the only person I know who likes strawberries like me!”
The merch from the Strawberry farm… Hyunju reached for that keychain, holding onto it then smiled at Nayeon. “Do you want it?”
But to her surprise, Nayeon shook her head. “No, keep it with you. So if I get lost, I can easily find you.”
Hyunju smiled as she pulled her into a hug once again. “Ah Nayeon, if only you knew how much I missed you,” Hyunju mumbled. Nayeon hugged back, burying her face into Hyunju's neck.
“I hate to break your bubble, but…” Gyeongseok stepped in. “I’m still here.”
Nayeon pulled away from Hyunju and looked at her dad who had his arms crossed against his chest. “Ah, one more thing—dad!” Nayeon called out to Gyeongseok. “Remember when I told you about Mama ?”
Hyunju raised an eyebrow in confusion.
Gyeongseok nodded, “yes baby, what about it?”
“That's her!” Nayeon pointed out to Hyunju. Hyunju pointed to herself too, copying what Nayeon was doing. “She was my Mama.”
Even before the games, many people had been accompanying Nayeon when she strolled at the park, so it was nothing new for Gyeongseok and the other staff. Every time she got to take the child-friendly rides with the people who looked after her, she told the staff responsible for the ride that they were her relatives, nothing more specific than that.
But when Nayeon met Hyunju, everything shifted for the little girl. Even though it was just a day, not even a whole 24-hour, she found Hyunju's potential to be a mother and stuck with it since then. On that day with Hyunju, Nayeon introduced her to the staff by whispering to them, saying that Hyunju was her mom.
Nayeon had her own name for Hyunju; instead of the traditional “mom”, she decided to make it “mama” to still give respect to her late biological mother. Although Nayeon couldn't meet her while growing up, Gyeongseok made sure that he kept memories of Nayeon’s mom like pictures and letters she had written while she was still pregnant with Nayeon.
“No wonder the employees were looking and staring at me that day,” Hyunju chuckled. “Never imagined I’d be a mom this way.”
“Hyunju, I’m so sorry,” Gyeongseok felt ashamed based on how much he facepalmed himself in the past few minutes of Nayeon's confessions. “I never told her that-”
“What are you apologizing for? Did it ever occur to you that maybe…” Hyunju paused, glancing at Nayeon's widened smile. “Maybe I wanted to have a child anyway?”
“But we're not married yet,” Gyeongseok stated.
Hyunju looked at him, letting out a sigh. She walked closer to Gyeongseok and then held both of his hands. She smiled so comfortingly that made Gyeongseok melt on the spot. “Gyeongseok, we've been dating for a week now. We'll figure this one out.” Hyunju looked back at the little girl. “For Nayeon.”
“We got a long way then.”
Hyunju giggled. “Yes, a lot of time.” She gave him a peck on the lips, “and we'll use it right.”
Time had passed and the newfound family were on the way to the dinner party set by Geumja. Hyunju and Gyeongseok shared the happiest moments they experienced in the ‘workplace’ they had been in to Nayeon. Hyunju mentioned that Nayeon would love her new aunties and new uncles that her dad met, and an upcoming baby from Junhee that made Nayeon excitedly squeal. She also brought Youngmi into the conversation, saying that Nayeon would've loved her as an auntie, which Gyeongseok approved.
There would be a new life ahead of everyone. Hyunju surely was excited for that new chapter she would live on; finding new friends turned into family, and having a family of her own. It felt surreal for the most part, especially during the games where getting out wasn't originally part of her options.
And, of course, she made sure that the gratitude she had saved for Gihun would finally be said knowing they would see each other again later.
Before looking forward, Hyunju believed it would be best to look at what's in the present for now. Gyeongseok and Nayeon, her little found family. Being accepted in such a small circle like theirs was really fulfilling as a woman, as a person. From watching out the window of the cab, Hyunju directed her gaze towards Gyeongseok, then to Nayeon who's snuggling into her body while hugging her arm around her. Hyunju ended up smiling at the wonderful sight of them being close to each other.
Little did Hyunju know, Nayeon had planned all this in her head. The little girl, without the knowledge of her dad, made an artwork that had the figures of Gyeongseok, Hyunju, and herself in the middle. Nayeon had wished for that moment from the start. That piece of artwork was back at home, sitting on one of the boxes her dad gave her and waiting for the right moment for Hyunju to receive it as a gift.