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"This might actually be your worst idea ever," Tony muttered, adjusting his sleeves for the fifty millionth time in the past ten minutes. At this rate, he was going to pull his expensive-looking cufflinks free, which was possibly the entire goal. But probably not. Tony had never been good at standing still.
"Stop fidgeting!" Steve hissed back. "And you agreed to it!"
"Because I'm an idiot!"
The priest cleared his throat. "Gentleman, if you'll kindly allow us to proceed..." He stopped, and smiled very faintly, as both Steve and Tony froze and assumed something approaching an attentive stance. To Tony's right, Pepper had dropped her face into her hand, though that could have been laughter or embarrassment on Tony's behalf. It was hard to tell. Steve could only assume that Sam, and all of the other Avengers, looked something like her.
Someday, they would all look back on this and laugh. "Remember that time Steve got mad and proposed to Tony?" Clint would ask, and Carol would bend over double laughing.
Steve's not entirely sure why the topic of marriage came up in his tirade. But the fact that Tony agreed in his own retort would forever be the more bewildering occurrence.
The priest was eyeing both of them now, as though he was dreading their next reactions. "Do you, Anthony Stark --"
"Yes, yes, I do, get on with it, I have a lot to do --"
Steve elbowed him. The priest looked grateful.
"And do you, Steven Rogers..." he trailed off, and glanced down at the printout hidden behind his book, "take Anthony Stark to be your lawfully wedded husband, in war and in peace, in, ah, during crunch times around deadlines and slow periods, in..."
The priest raised both eyebrows at whatever else was written there. Steve sighed and took pity on him. "I do."
"This is really stupid," Tony said. "We are going to make each other entirely miserable, I hope you know."
"So nothing's going to change, you're saying," Steve retorts.
The priest raises his eyes to the heavens. "God help me, you may now kiss the --"
Steve never heard the end of that sentence; he was too busy with Tony's mouth. Dimly he heard Pepper's gleeful cackle, and a collection of whoops and catcalls from the assembled Avengers and friends. But hey, what was the point of getting married if you let a little thing like dignity stop you from making the most of it.
"I concede there are some benefits," Tony said, once they'd pulled apart again. "Okay, we'll explore this possibility more later, I have a meeting --"
"You're missing it," Steve told him. "Tell them something came up."
"Already did," added Pepper, grinning at them. "I know I always joke how you'll late to your own wedding, boss, but I'm not actually going to let you do that.
"I hate you," Tony said, without much force. "I hate you, and I hate you, Steve, and I hate everything."
"So nothing's changed, then," Steve replied, except then Tony kissed him again, so apparently something had.