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There is no reason to go out right now.
We have enough supplies, no man has been left behind last supply run, and the surgeon has enough medical equipment.
But for some reason I still desired to go outside.
I’m sick of the endless halls inside of the castle, I’m sick of awkward silences, and I’m sick of the stench coming from the medical hall.
I’ll leave tonight just for a few hours.
Nobody will ever know anyway.
____
Ida walked through the dark and cold streets of Kaub, to her dismay, it is still winter. She could feel and hear the snow crunch beneath her feet as she continued strolling in the silent night. Surprisingly there weren’t a lot of cannibals around, and fortunately none of them really noticed her. She didn’t know where to go, and she just mindlessly roamed around the place until she came across an abandoned catholic church. She’s been here before. She passed it once right before meeting up with her current regiment. She stood silently in front of the building, admiring the architecture. She knows that Catholics used to scam poor citizens for money, and that’s what they used for the church fundings, but Ida couldn’t help but think that this the chapel was a beautiful piece of art, nonetheless.
She pushed open the big wooden doors as silently as she could, loud noises could attract a horde, and a horde is the last thing she wants to come across right now. She silently closed the doors behind her as well, and it was quiet once more. She stood in the entrance of the chapel, silently observing her surroundings. The walls were this beautiful, pearly white, and surprisingly enough the candles on the chandelier were still burning. As Ida slowly started walking past the rows of polished wooden pews, she could hear the sound of her footsteps echoing through the church. Considering she was a quite light person by weight, the sounds were very light, and the noise wasn’t as ear deafening as it was when fifteen Austrian and Prussian soldiers ran through the hall.
Ida stopped walking when she reached the small steps of stairs that reached the front of the church, The carpet was torn and showed clear signs of blood being shed on them. Blasphemy. Shedding blood is a necessity nowadays, but shedding blood in the church is where she draws the line. Get out of the building first then, instead of fighting inside of a holy building like a bunch of crazy heretics.
She sighed as she looked around the chapel once again, she just simply ran her eyes across the rows of several pews, but at one place her gaze lingered for just a bit longer. She gazed at the right row of polished benches and felt a wave of nostalgia and sadness wash over her. She remembers how she used to sit there in the middle together with her father every Sunday. The beautiful singing of the choir, the pastor talking and reciting psalms, and the faint damp smell of candles. Those times were good times. Her mother stayed home taking care of brother, and she and her father went to church. She misses those times. Despite the fact she didn’t like mother very much, she was too overbearing and strict with what she wore and how she acted. She even scolded and slapped Ida when she saw that she had cut her hair short, and started screaming about how girls shouldn’t cut their hair. But despite the scoldings and strict policies, her father was always there for her. He let her wear pants, he didn’t mind her stubbornness nor her unwomanly personality, and he even cut her hair when she said she wanted to. Long hair got in the way of her chores; you do not want to unceremoniously cut off a chunk of your hair while getting firewood and look like an idiot for the rest of your life. So, you might as well cut it short yourself. Her father, despite being a traditional military man, always loved her. No matter how she acted, no matter how she dressed, and no matter what she did. Sure, he got mad at her for doing stupid things or got irritated when she did something wrong, but he always forgave her and showed her how to do it instead or how to fix what she had done. She misses him.
Ida turned her gaze back to the Statue of Jesus Christ on the cross in front of her again, and decided she might as well pray. She hadn’t done it in a while, she was busy and in constant danger. She was only able to recite quick prayers before needing to move out again. Right now, she has all the time in the world to pray to her lord. She needs all the support from him she can get, these times are desperate times after all.
She slowly lowered herself to sit on her knees, she pulled her rosary out of her uniform and clasped it tightly in her hands. Her rosary was the only thing she had on her when she fled her village, and it was the only thing she could bring as well. If she stayed for even one second longer the cannibals would’ve gotten to her, and she’d go under the same fate as her father. Despite seeing her father again is a tempting thing right now, she has a regiment to belong to. A group to fight in, and surgeon to protect. She couldn’t just die; she has people to depend on her. The lord and her father would want her to help others, she needs to help others. She’ll gladly do it. Serving God and following her father’s commands is why she lives, she must please them, even if one of them is dead. She will carry on with their legacy even if it’s the last thing she does.
She tightly held the rosary in her hands as she slowly closed her eyes. She raised her clasped hands towards her forehead and lightly leaned against them. She sat like that for a short while, before deciding to open her mouth and whisper her prayer out just for God to hear.
“I believe in God, the father almighty, creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, his only son, our lord, who was conceived by the holy spirit. Born of the virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into hell, on the third day he arose again from the dead, He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of God the father almighty; From thence he shall come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy spirit, the holy catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting… Amen.”
It was just as silent when she started when she ended. Despite praying to the only source of happiness she had left, she felt melancholic. She gripped her rosary even tighter if it was even possible and pressed it against her head as hard as she could. Her breathing got a little heavier, and she felt her eyes stinging, despite having them closed. She slightly trembled in place, and didn’t even bother standing up from her position on the floor. She couldn’t help but think of her father. He had taught her that verse. He told her that’s what he used to recite before needing to lead another charge, and all the men listened to him intently. He told her it felt as if he wasn’t a Hard Prussian general anymore, but like the pastor who spoke to them every Sunday. It took her a few times to get the prayer right, but he praised her whenever she fully spoke it without issue. Ida wished her father was here to praise her again, but the only thing she heard was silence and her soft sobs. She could feel the tears run down her cheeks. She hasn’t cried in days despite her situation, but somehow, this is the thing that broke her. Her entire body was tense, and she couldn’t help but whisper the same line once again:
“I believe in the Holy spirit, the holy catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting… “
“Amen.”