Work Text:
It’s a hotel night and Josh has no clue who’s house he’s at, let alone what poison he’s downing. All he knows is that he’s surrounded by wannabe hot shots, becoming actresses, directors, models, musicians. It’s one giant business meeting to Josh. It’s Los fucking Angeles, he doesn't know what he was expecting.
Everyone’s the same, young teenage girls in crop tops putting on artificial smiles, way too young to be out. But their parents don't care, just send them out of their six story house in tons of glitz to carry on the family trend. Maybe she’ll meet an agent who is double her age, as soon as she becomes legal they’ll start a family, True love is what she’ll speak of at the dining room table surrounded by relatives, as the dollar signs shine in her eyes, just at the right angle. True love.
Maybe Debby was one of them, Josh can’t really remember, got himself sucked in as soon as she made her way over by his 4th drink. She recalls his band, the one all over the radio for the past few weeks, she doesn't let that cloud her judgement though, not at all. “I’m a fashion designer.” She smiled.
What an introduction, but Josh is nice and his the world feels like it's spinning way faster than usual,“That’s sick.” Josh smiled back. He turns around, he lost Tyler in the first thirty minutes of arriving, maybe a leech grabbed onto him too.
Josh takes another swig of his beer, “I’m a heavyweight.” He assures her, but in all honesty, he just kind of likes the way Samuel Adams makes his head swirl. She’s talking about herself, he tries to listen but it all sounds jumbled up and mixed together, much like his own speech.
“Wanna sit?” She looks concerned, he’s not listening to her life story anymore. Josh nods and sits on the edge of a piss stained couch next to her.
Tyler’s making his way to the living room, parties aren't really his scene nowadays. When he see’s Josh, hand up some girl’s skirt caressing her inner thigh and making out with her super sensually, as if they are animals. He pretends that it’s fine, Josh is his best friend. ‘If he’s happy I’m happy.’ He lies to himself, he’s being dramatic, he knows that. But the gnawing at his chest wont stop.
It's totally cool, Tyler just calls an Uber, skipping his ride from Josh he was promised. He refrains from texting his friend, letting him know. In fact, he refrains himself for the whole night. He assumed he’d get a text like Dude, where’d you go? Zilch. For the whole night, Tyler waddles around his room, playing music while his fingers itch to dial Josh’s number. By the time it’s nearing daylight, his suspicions are getting worse.
It sort of felt like Josh was cheating on him, they're not together, they won't be, it frustrates Tyler. Hello, they're in a band. There is definitely no time for one night stands. Especially with young, pretty girls like her.
-
Tyler doesn't show up to the venue on time, he’s pissed. When he does show up, he has to perform in the clothes he came in, which are the same from the night before. After the set, Josh runs to him and asks, “What’s up with you today?”
“Nothing.” Tyler bites, Josh decides to ease off of him. He puts his hands up and surrender and smiles at Tyler playfully, Tyler chews on the side of his cheek for a moment before walking in the opposite direction. “How was she?” He asks, not stopping.
Josh pauses, he feels he heat rush to his own face, “Can't remember much, probably stellar, She was hot.”
Tyler just hums in response.
-
Later on the bus, Tyler’s locked away in his tiny bunk. Josh decides, if he wont talk to him, maybe he’ll communicate through text message. Tyler is weird sometimes. He does, in short answers and he makes the chat bubble that signifies that he’s typing appear way too long for a few letters. Come out and talk to me, Tyler. You’ve been wound up since that party, are you okay?
Inside of Tyler’s bunk, his heart hurts just the slightest, he turns his back to the curtain that’s already pulled and just closes his eyes for a moment. Kinda tired.
Josh huffs loud enough for Tyler to hear, so he places his earbuds in and plays Rapper’s Delight until he pulls himself back to darkness.
-
Josh hates fighting.
They're not even fighting, Josh is just kind of clueless and Tyler’s a crybaby. An hour or two after their tiny texting session, he pulls Tyler’s curtain and nudges his side until the brown eyes are groggily turned toward him, “I don't even remember her name if that makes you feel any better.”
Tyler purses his lips together, “It makes me think you’re an ass.”
Josh can’t ever win.
-
It’s been three days and Tyler still isn't the same. “You can't control who I fuck.” He says during sound check. The knife in Tyler’s back digs so deep, he’s afraid it will start to show through his stomach. He feels like falling to the ground and sulking, Josh is his.
“I-" Tyler lets his sadness escape through the tone of his voice. Josh gets up from his kit and walks toward his best friend.
“What is it, tell me, Tyler, I hate being like this.”
“I don't know!” He yells, it’s the truth. “It’s so frustrating, I don't even know what is wrong with me, it just hurts Josh.” Tyler’s heart is fluttering inside of his chest and spiking, “I think I’m having a heart attack.” His face is flushed and his eyes are starting to tear up, Josh notices the way Tyler tries to blink them away fastly trying to hide.
Josh laughs nervously, “You don't have a crush on me, do you?” Tyler groans because this cannot be happening. All of this is so utterly wrong and messed up.
“No.” Tyler feels like he’s lying to himself. He buries his head into his own hands, “My head hurts.” Josh still sees through him. He places a hand on Tyler’s shoulders and squeezes. “Don’t do that.” Tyler pleads, muffled by his hands too embarrassed to look at Josh.
“I’m sorry.”
-
Josh has never been more confused since he realised where babies came from. Tyler liked Josh. It made sense now at least, but Josh felt kind of mad at himself for going for the girl now. Tyler shouldn't cry over him.
He feels like he should reciprocate the feelings, Josh tries to close his eyes and make the love come to him, nothing's working. Josh sees the sadness in Tyler’s eyes when he looks at him, pretends yesterday didn't happen.
After their concert in Tampa, in the dressing room Josh is playing some i phone game. Tyler is watching him from across the room with a heavy heart, observing how his eyes crinkle when he smiles and his nose scrunches up when he dies for the umpth time.
Josh lets Tyler kiss him, it’s the least he can do. His heart breaks when Tyler places a cold hand on the side of his face, as if searching for passion inside of the drummer. He finds none, still Josh kisses back. It’s a sad kiss, they both know it. Tyler pulls away from Josh and scans his face, Josh wipes his plump lips with the back of his sweater sleeve.
“I’m sorry too.” Tyler’s voice cracks.
-
Josh doesn't know what to do. It’s not like that was the only hook up he had. But, Josh figures it was the only one Tyler was aware of one hundred percent. He wants to seek help, for Tyler’s sake he doesn't. Josh was sure he would get kicked out for real if he blurted Tyler’s pent up secret.
-
Tyler hates himself for it, the way he can't feel okay without Josh. Instead of jitters now, he feels sick to his stomach with want. “I can't do this anymore.” He proclaims. “I’m not going to let you suffer because of my sick, disgusting sel-”
“You're not disgusting. You’re my best friend, Tyler. Don’t do this to yourself. I love you.” Both of them knew it wasn't the kind of love Tyler wanted.
“Hurts.” Tyler sniffles.
“I know.” Josh kisses Tyler’s forehead.
“Stop.” Tyler cries, “You’re only making it worse.” Josh feels for Tyler, it makes him wheeze seeing his brother a mess. Tyler lightly pushes him off, “Dude.”
Josh doesn't stop, he continues to kiss around Tyler’s face. His tears, his nose, his cheek bones. “No. I want to cure you.” Josh feels warmth budding in him, like a flower, maybe all it took was a kickstart.
“No use.”
“We can try?”
Tyler bites his tongue to keep from smiling and screaming at once,
“Okay.”