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as the waves crash violently to the shore,
she walks towards the cliffs
and calls out a name,
something about it
feels like it has happened
so many times before.
overhead, dark clouds creep in
as if to bring an impending storm.
she can feel it in her chest—
heavy, tumultuous, raging.
how much longer can one go
with half a heart,
longing for a soul?
in her hands, aglow,
hope,
brighter than the remaining light of day,
she brings it to her lips and whisper
words from the depths of her heart
for the wind to carry away
a tear falls to her face
as she tosses it to the ocean,
watching it disappear into the foam
should the sea take it back
to the place
where it belongs
—
ibagam kaniak a saan nga arapaap daytoy
“lindtsey”
…
“stacey”
…
“aubrey”
…
“ma?”
“anong ma, hoy princess, papasukin mo daw si jho kanina pa nangungulit pumunta dyan sa kwarto”
“bakit nasan ka ba?” stacey groans to her phone, she was having an interesting dream… not like can remember it but, why are they disturbing her beauty sleep?
“kasama ng mama mo,”
huh?
“tulog ka pa kasi pagdating niya kanina, kaya kami na lang nag-grocery. bibili din naman ako ng stuff for this weekend”
right, this weekend, she said something about going on a trip to check out an island somewhere in caramoan that her family was sighting to buy.
“may papabili ka ba?”
yung kabilang isla. stacey sits up and rubs her eyes.
“wala naman”
“ah okay, catch you later, magpack ka na for tomorrow”
huh?
“what?! mikhs–mikha lim” stacey sighs as soon as mikha drops the call.
what did she mean tomorrow?! it's the weekend tomorrow, mikha didn't tell her she was bringing her—also her door won't stop buzzing.
jhoanna.
-
“so ano it-third wheel niyo na naman ako? ay di talaga ako sasama”
“baliw! anong third wheel? e friends lang naman kami ni mikha??”
“ah basta, di na lang ako sasama” stacey turns her back to shrug her best friend off, making a beeline to her bed and plops onto it once more.
“uy! sumama ka kasi…” she can feel the bed dip to the weight, and soon enough, she feels it on her back, “staks, sige na”
“jhoanna, isa”
jhoanna whines, rolls off to her side, gives her a look, then pouts,
(as a jhoanna expert: stacey knows jhoanna only does this when she’s in distress and desperately wants something.)
stacey bites her cheeks and feigns a disgusted face at the sight.
yet, she senses something amiss here. the three of them have known each other since forever, and they’ve done a whole lot of things in pairs before without bother.
so why can’t these two be alone by themselves together now? why have they been trying to drag her around lately?
she thinks for a split second then blurts out the first thing she thinks of as soon as it pops up in her head.
“hmp, friends lang daw pero nagkikiss!”
“huy!” jhoanna recoils, eyes wide in surprise, then falls off stacey's bed, to stacey's amusement.
“aray gagi,”
as soon as stacey peeks to look at jhoanna’s current state, jhoanna jolts and slaps stacey’s arm harder than she expected.
“aray naman!” yet it doesn’t deter stacey’s laughter.
“chismis ka!!” jhoanna says, then looks away.
stacey sends her a knowing look as soon as she turns back, and jhoanna can only open her mouth to close it again.
“so totoo nga!” stacey sits up then starts laughing once more, “oh my god that’s why!”
jhoanna can only sigh.
about time for these two. they have been stupidly circling each other for ages.
“bading!”
“bakit ba ha?! gusto mo kiss din kita?!” jhoanna lets out, as if stacey would ever take these as loaded threats.
“maghunos dili ka nga jhoanna! kilabutan ka nga sa mga pinagsasabi mo!!”
“si oa kala mo naman siya di bading… sige na kasi sumama ka na,” jhoanna shifts back to pleading, “wala ka namang gagawin this weekend,”
“pano mo nalaman ha–”
“bespren mo ko boy, alam ko schedule mo boy”
“papaalam muna ako kay mommy siguro, desisyon kayo?”
“papayag na naman yun, ipinaalam ka na ni mikhs”
“wh–” she sighs in defeat. these two are really leaving her with no choice.
she knows her mom always had a soft spot for mikha—mikha who can just tell her mom everything, mikha who can convince her mom for them to be roommates even when their house is just a few minutes away from where they are living at the moment.
“pero may gagawin ka ba talaga? may date ka bang di sinasabi sa’kin…” jhoanna can't help but wonder. “kung ganun edi sige, matagal ka na naman naming tinatanong ‘bat ayaw mong lumabas, makipagkilala—”
“ano ba—”
makipagkilala—ang swerte naman nila makakakilala ng isang stacey sevilleja
stacey lists the things in her head that she’ll miss out on: roll around her bed, binge watch a show, roll around in the bed with her cats this time, exercise maybe, sleep, sleep some more…
“staks~” jhoanna reels her back to reality, there she goes again with her pout and that look.
“ang kulit ha,”
stacey will never admit it, but this puppy-eyed look her best friend does actually works on her. it just does every single time.
fine . there goes her plan for the weekend.
“di mo na ba ako mahal ha?” jhoanna continues to beg,
“o siya siya! sasama na, jhoanna tumahimik ka na nga! kung ano ano pinagsasasabi mo nakakarindi!!” she tries to push her off the bed this time but fails.
“thank you, thank you i love you~” jhoanna hugs her and is about to plant a wet kiss on her cheek, when stacey pushes her away successfully.
“kadiri talaga!! umalis ka na nga dito!”
—
mangita ba ka nako?
lapas sa mga balod, sa imong handumanon?
“hala ang gandaaaaaaaaaaaa~” stacey exclaims in awe as she turns around slowly, taking in the view—the crystalline blue ocean overhead, the fine white sand, the soft sun caressing her skin, the calm breeze, and the surrounding trees.
stacey can’t believe you can reach this in just a few hours, it's the type of view you'd think you'll only see in the tv or movies.
“o diba, tas sabi mo hindi ka sasama,” jhoanna teases, as mikha hands her their room key.
stacey chuckles at the thought, maybe this was better than her tossed-out plans after all.
“sige ikaw na panalo, anong gusto mo? ako naman magkiss sayo?” she sends a glance at mikha as soon as she asks.
mikha shakes her head, choking up a laugh as jhoanna makes a face at her that she can’t read.
“boang!”
it's always fun for her to mess with her friends.
“o siya, magsama nga kayo at doon ako sa malayo, sinasabi ko talaga ayoko mag-third wheel” stacey giggles.
after all, mikha did say it was fine if she went around by herself, she still needed to go on a quick meeting anyway. and besides, jhoanna, well, she could ask her to come along but something tells her the two would rather be alone together.
“edi maghanap ka ng pang-apat!” jhoanna rebuts, surprising even herself at the admission.
and there it is, stacey has always been good at finding things that most people might miss.
“staku, sandali nga!” mikha calls out and signals for her to come back. “dito ka,”
they take a picture as soon as stacey turns and moves closer,
“okay, goodbye mga bading!”
the two can only sigh and wave as they watch her head out.
-
she walks around, slippers on one hand, sand on her feet. the sound of the waves brings in a certain sense of peace.
further ahead, a few boats are scattered along the bay. beyond that, a cliff side, probably some caves. this would be such an interesting place to explore one day.
she stops by the shade of the tree to look out at the horizon ways ahead, and the sea before it,
it's glorious blues sparkles and shines, reflecting the sunlight.
she glances back to notice some local kids run around, who pause upon seeing her.
she smiles at them.
“hi”
“magayon na ate”
“garo siya sarong artista
“garo siyang prinsesa”
“dai, garo siyang sirena”
they giggle then run past her towards the sea.
—
“dios mio, es un milagro, la princesa! está despierta”
“¿qué recuerdas?”
“la tormenta, el mar”
sus labios
los latidos de mi corazón
los ojos vuelven al océano
mirando más allá del horizonte y los escombros
la misma luz brillante en la distancia
“talaga may shooting stars?”
stacey turns her head to the boatman, as soon as jhoanna asks. she didn't realize she was spacing out, mesmerized by the crystal clear water.
“opo ma'am isa po yan sa dinadayo po talaga dito sa amin,”
“ang ganda siguro mag stargazing dito pag gabi” mikha turns to her, giddy at the thought.
island after island, each one they've hopped had been equally picturesque, with equally wondrous bays and unique rock formations.
“ang ibang baybay po dito lulubog-lilitaw pero bumabalik parin, ang sunod nating pupuntahan yung matukad”
“yun ba yung may mystical bangus?”
“jhoanna what are you talking about?” mikha looks at her in confusion.
“diba kuya, yung nagbabantay kasi dun bangus?”
the boatman nods and laughs at their question and their reactions. “sabi ng mga matatanda, kung sino mang humuli at kumain sa kanila ay mamamatay”
“ay di na ko kakain ng bangus talaga,”
“dito lang naman sila nagbabantay?” stacey retorts.
“e pano kung mamatay ako?”
“si oa”
stacey just laughs and wishes the day would never end.
–
the opalescent sky melts into the final blaze of the sun. the golden orange cascades and fuses in to kiss away the day, as the twilight shifts to pink and calms to the night’s purple hues.
“ang ganda”
“wow grabe”
stacey holds a hand to her chest,
heart beats to a song carried by the waves. a faint melody she knows, though have only heard in dreams.
你最近怎麼樣
我一直在等待
“huy bat ka naiiyak? omg ka” jhoanna looks at her, giggles laced with concern.
“are you okay?” mikha asks, automatically wiping the tear that rolled off stacey's cheek.
huh?
stacey is as confused as them.
“ano—ang ganda lang kasi ng sunset” she blurts out instead, it sounded like a question.
the two girls chuckle along but share worried looks,
“o tara na nga, napagod ka lang siguro. kain na nga tayo sa loob”
–
“uy, ayun kasi” jhoanna points at the sky, they’ve just had their dinner and decided to lounge around the balcony of their room.
“saan?” mikha lifts her head immediately, searching for it.
stacey watches them, from the window, moving towards the glass, gazing towards the expanse of the night. she sees nothing from where she is.
she inhales and steps out.
“may nakita na kayo ulit?” she asks,
“yay! lumabas na siya,”
jhoanna smiles as soon as stacey joins them, and mikha pulls her closer to them by the railing.
“feeling better?”
stacey nods, assuring her friends.
woah
the clear sky night sky is a sight,
when people said we're all looking at the same sky, well, they must've never seen it from here, because it's as if she's never seen the sky before.
“ayun!” jhoanna points again,
“wala naman e,”
“‘di meron talaga tingin ka kasi kung san ako nakaturo, pano mo malalaman?”
“ito na,” stacey turns to where she is pointing, “oh ayun!” she says, playing along,
“talaga?” mikha asks, falling for it. “saan?”
“eh wala na,” stacey teases.
“e pano kung yun na yun, pano na yan?” jhoanna asks
“then magwi-wish si staku” mikha suggests, to stacey's protests.
“wala nga kasi,” stacey scratches her head.
“anong wala? imposible, andaming stars sa kalangitan”
“edi magwish ka rin!”
“edi magwish nalang tayong lahat, like you said maraming stars, imposibleng walang nahulog just now” mikha mediates for them to halt.
stacey scoffs, she doesn’t think it works like that but whatever, who knows how things work for sure anyway.
“fine” she yields, watching them press their hands together and close their eyes.
she chuckles, follows along and peeks, her friends are actually taking this seriously.
stacey shakes her head slightly, she can’t think of anything to wish for at the moment.
world peace. house and lot. isang daang milyon.
she giggles, surely those are things most people would wish for.
“ang seryoso naman ng wish mo ano ba yun ha?” jhoanna probes,
“hey! don’t ask her that, it might not come true,”
“na mahanap ko na yung para sa akin para hindi na ko mag-third wheel sa inyo!” stacey teases again,
“‘bat pa ba ko nagtanong? napaka-ano—” jhoanna can only shake her head to stacey's amusement.
yep. where they are is comfort, where they are is home…
yet there's something in her chest that has been gnawing since they got here… stacey sighs.
wala lang to.
-
they promised to wake up before sunrise.
stacey slept, excited to know what the dawn would bring them tomorrow.
—
vagues qui s'écrasent, le même ciel nocturne
j'ai souhaité aux étoiles de te trouver
et te ramène à moi
a few minutes before her alarm, stacey wakes. she checks and turns it off, swiping through notifications from school, some emails, and an earlier earthquake.
huh? she didn’t feel anything... and hearing the soft snores in the room, neither did the two.
she places her phone back on the nightstand and sits up, still groggy from sleep, then looks out the window,
there's a faint glow across the sky,
huh?
as if a star is slowly falling.
she rubs her eyes.
it’s still there,
as if waiting…
waiting for someone to catch it.
stacey decides to go out and see for herself.
-
it’s still dark when she reaches the bay, soft sand on her feet, she walks on; eyes at the sky, further following the light.
she pauses when it fades, and soon enough disappears.
then stacey realizes where she is… ways away from the shore,
crazy naman yung low tide dito… she mutters to herself, pulling up her hoodie to shield herself from the chill of the early morning breeze.
farther in the middle, she notices something glow, the same kind as the one from the sky above now below.
she walks over and picks it up.
but as soon as she does it fades into stardust.
a faint siren.
she turns as soon as she hears;
from where?
she looks over to where her friends are, they seem so far away from where she is.
she turns toward the horizon,
only to be met
by a giant wave.
stacey freezes as it swallows her whole.
-
the crashing impact ripples through her skin and bones. it’s heavy, it’s dark, it's deafening, and it feels like she's being pulled in every direction. stacey tries her best to hold her breath even when her first instinct was to panic.
please please let my friends be safe
she lets herself be carried away by the tide, and prays to god it’ll end soon.
please
please
back and forth it’s as if she’s being thrown around. she pleads with closed eyes.
ayoko pang mamatay
until it reached a calm.
bubbles.
she can see them now, the glistening surface above, the sunrise.
please, let me get out
her chest tightens,
she reaches out, trying her best to swim upstream,
yet she’s falling deeper
and deeper.
ayoko–
ayoko pang mamatay please
with the current pulling her under, and the pressure too heavy; she can only do so much.
stacey closes her eyes once more,
she’s never been a strong swimmer and can only hold her breath for so long.
please, if valid pa yung wish,
please gusto ko pang mabuhay
the air
leaves her body,
and her limbs feel limp as she falls deeper underwater.
please marami pa akong gustong gawin,
it’s cold, she just noticed.
so
this is it, huh
she chuckles despite.
she can feel it,
her chest constricting
burning through her breaths…
her body shakes,
fights,
trying hard not to let go…
and in her last breath,
she sees her friends faces, she should’ve told them she loves them more and that she’s happy for whatever’s in store for them,
she sees her mother, and chokes up a sob,
di niya na ko makikitang tumanda .
it hurts her chest.
she sees her cats and everyone she’s ever loved.
totoo pala, yung sabi nila… na makikita mo mga mahal mo sa buhay pag mamamatay ka na
yet
she sees a girl she’s never seen before…
wait—is she right in front of her?
this girl,
moving towards her direction.
stacey can’t make out her face clearly in the haze…
from her oxygen-depleting state
all she knows is if she’s hallucinating, it’s the prettiest face she’s ever seen besides her own
sinong mag-aakala hindi pala tayo namamatay na mag-isa
totoo nga siguro ang mga anghel
kukunin niya na ‘ko talaga
the girl moves closer
and closer
until
their lips touch.
huh?
swerte ko naman,
stacey closes her eyes
i got to kiss an angel before i die
stacey’s chest starts to contract.
it hurts.
ito na talaga siguro
ang wakas.
…
…
…
bubbles, she sees them when she opens her eyes again
ganito ba, pag patay ka na, di mo malalaman?
it’s as if she’s breathing
underwater.
swimming
upstream.
and moving closer
and closer
and closer
to the surface.
just a little more…
a little bit more…
and she’ll break through, just as the day does the same.
stacey gasps for air.
AIR.
like it’s the first breath she’s ever taken. the same breath when she came out in this world from her mother’s womb,
stacey can finally, FINALLY breathe.
she sees the blue sky above her, and feels the warmth of the sun on her face.
she can finally feel at peace…
to rest with the calm…
then she sees nothing but darkness.
—
私たちは以前ここに来たことがある
しませんか？
stacey wakes up in a violent coughing fit, oh god, her throat feels so scratchy and all she can taste is salt. it’s painful to inhale, like someone lit up a fire in her lungs.
wait—
she looks at her hands, her feet. she touches her face. her chest. the rise and fall of her stomach.
she breathes.
then starts to laugh. painfully. she starts to tear up—
buhay pa ako, oh my god OH MY GOD
then just notices how she’s currently dry, in the middle of the ocean.
on a small inflatable lifeboat?
how?
did–did i get rescued? she looks around, there’s not a soul in sight.
just water.
huh?
and the heat of the sun.
nasaan?
paano?
“hello?” she calls out, well tries, her voice fails in the attempt to speak.
“hello?” she tries again, louder this time.
nothing.
she scratches her head and looks around the boat for something, anything. a tool? a clue?
fresh water?
she feels like she really needs a drink.
she might not have drowned but she knows she’ll be dehydrated pretty soon.
“tulong!” she tries again,
(tulong)
she sighs. okay, that’s something she’ll have to figure out.
now she has to know where she is exactly—
she feels the boat dip in one direction, and soon a girl climbs up to check on her.
what the—
well, half of her.
the rest of her is still submerged in the water.
sino? anong ginagawa niya dito—nangingisda ?
stacey looks at the sea then back at the girl who's now staring at her.
the girl smiles as soon as their eyes meet. beaming, as if she needs to rival the sun.
the sight disarms stacey somehow, who opens her mouth only to close it again.
the girl giggles this time, and as if stacey is dazzled, she still hasn't said a thing.
what even—come on stacey! you know words,
“umm, uh-hello alam niyo po ba kung nasaan tayo? ano pong nangyari, uhm meron po bang rescue—”
the girl’s face from earlier flashes in her mind. stacey places a hand to her head.
is this the same girl?
the girl from underwater?
“well, to answer your question, nasa gitna tayo ng east philippine sea, you got swallowed by a tsunami, and for the rescue, well, princess, as you can see, there’s only you and me,”
princess?
“wait–tsunami, sila jho at mi—”
“don’t worry there were no one else, ikaw lang and well, iilang bangka,”
huh? paano niya nalaman, she sounds so sure about it too, like she's scoured the whole ocean to know that for a fact.
stacey wants to ask but she's just really parched at the moment… and the girl disappears again, to stacey's concern.
“hello?”
a bottle of water rolls towards stacey’s foot.
huh?
then the girl reappears,
“kailangan mo ata yan… it’s clean don't worry, it's a supply from a boat, well before it sank.”
“huh—sandali nga, bakit ka nasa tubig… pwede pa namang umakyat dito kasi kasya naman tayo. hindi ka ba nilalamig?” stacey asks then offers her hand to pull the girl up into the boat,
“are you sure?”
anong klaseng tanong–
“oo?” stacey does not hesitate to add.
the girl gives her a look before she takes stacey's offered hand.
stacey tries her best to lift her up, and once she does and notices—
her eyes grow wide in surprise,
“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” the girl yells back.
“ba’t ka sumisigaw?!”
“ba’t ka sumisigaw?”
“ha?”
“anong ha ?” the girl understands that stacey is confused, but she can’t help but tease. “ah, oo nga pala” then laughs out loud,
“hindi, tulog pa ata ako” stacey says, slapping herself, “tama, nasa resort pa ako,” she closes her eyes. “nasa magkatabing kama ko si jhoanna at mikha, tama. magigising kami mamayang sunrise. nauna lang ako sa alarm. okay—”
she takes a deep breath, and waits.
scenes from earlier flash through her mind.
there's just no way this is for real.
as soon as she opens her eyes, the girl is nowhere to be seen.
she looks around.
nothing.
stacey chuckles “ha! i knew it! shux, sana hindi pa ko nababaliw…”
she picks up the bottle and drinks. ah, the clean freshwater taste, refreshing.
finally, a sense of relief.
“thank you!!” she yells to particularly no one.
“you're welcome” the girl replies, popping out of nowhere beside her.
stacey jumps and fake cries from surprise,
“lord ano ba naman to, bakit ba nanggugulat ha?”
the girl just giggles and moves to the other side,
“matapos mo ‘kong sagipin gusto mo ba ‘kong patayin?”
the girl shakes her head and just stares at her, her brown eyes reflecting the sun, warm, bright, sparkling, beautiful.
and stacey can feel her chest constricting again,
“sampalin mo nga ako,”
“ha?” the girl looks at her dumbfounded at the request.
“sige na please hindi ako magagalit, pramis”
“ayoko nga, bakit naman—” the girl laughs but looks so worried at the suggestion.
stacey sighs but doesn't move, standing her ground, her steely resolve unshaken.
the girl takes another look at stacey,
“seryoso talaga?”
stacey nods, she looks like nothing can change her mind.
“talaga, sigurado ka?”
“oo nga, bibilang ako ng tatlo okay? isa…dalawa…”
the girl closes her eyes as stacey does,
“tatlo”
stacey holds her cheek with both hands, okay that was a bad idea.
it stings.
she can taste blood, her teeth must’ve cut her lip from the inside.
“i’m sorry! i’m sorry, sabi kasi sayo!” the girl fusses and panics.
“oh my god gising nga ako, totoo to.” stacey manages to let out.
“totoo to” she glances back at the girl who's moving towards her. stacey flinches,
“anong ginagawa mo ha?!”
“kasi nasugatan ka, wag ka nga magulo muna. sandali lang to” then reaching out to touch her face. stacey holds her breath…
then eases as she feels her soft hand against her skin.
stacey lets her,
and the girl gently runs a thumb to her cheek.
the pain, it disappears.
to this, the girl lets out a soft sigh and smiles.
“don’t ask me to do that again, okay?”
stacey nods slightly, her skin tingling as soon as the girl moves away, just as a small gasp escapes from her lips, but she catches it in time.
how did she even end up here? with this… girl anyway? stacey tries to recall.
and it comes in waves, the flashes of memories.
the girl in the water.
the kiss.
she wasn’t a hallucination?
“hala! sandali! nung ‘kala ko mamamatay na ko kanina, ikaw, ako—”
“ano?”
stacey checks her body for any cuts, gashes, bruises.
there’s none. impossible.
“walang ka-galos galos?”
the girl just nods.
“wait—you, you kissed me!”
“i—” the girl just smiles shyly then looks away, as if remembering,
“panagutan mo ko,” stacey whispers, places both hands to her lips, warmth crashing to her cheeks.
“i’m sorry?” the girl looks at her, surprised.
“sandali—sino ka ba kasi?!”
“hala naboang na—” the girl shakes her head and leaves the boat.
“wait—”
“galit ka ba sa akin, galit ka ata sa akin” the girl frowns then swims around, away from the surface.
stacey tries her best to follow where she goes with her eyes.
shimmering as she goes, refracting the light off the surface. beyond her confusion, stacey can't explain the deep awe she's feeling inside.
“hindi!—uhm i’m sorry nasigawan kita, nabigla lang ako!” stacey lets out, in her usual calm.
the girl stops and then once again faces stacey,
“i-im sorry, and thank you for saving me. i mean it.”
stacey really is grateful, she just doesn't know if any of this is real but that doesn't change the fact that this girl saved her.
the girl moves up closer to stacey’s surprise, she slightly stumbles back.
“uhm hindi lang kasi kita kilala kaya ganun, pero thank you parin kasi tinulungan mo ko, na nakita mo ko nung malapit na ‘kong mamatay kanina at sinagip…” stacey rambles on,
as the girl continues inching closer, too close now that stacey can’t help but blush. the girl cracks a smile when she notices it happening. twin dimples in her cheek appearing…
there's an urge for stacey to touch it. she stops herself.
“alam mo ba kung ano ako?”
stacey bites her lips and nods, meeting the girl’s eyes and tries her best not to melt against it.
“naniniwala ka ba?”
stacey gulps, not knowing what this means for her. they're still too close she can almost feel the girl's skin.
“sabihin mo nga,” the girl urges. “say it out loud, say it.”
“anghel” stacey blurts out in panic.
the girl laughs out loud, backs up, and waves her hands in front of stacey’s face.
“thank you, pero hindi mo ba to nakikita?” she says, showing off her luminous tail that changes colors under the sun. it’s hypnotizing to look at.
“nakikita,” stacey looks away, “pero kasi…”
as a child, stacey has always enjoyed playing pretend. unicorns, dragons, mermaids…
what if everything’s just make-believe? what if everything's not real and she's just imagining things.
“pano pag sinabi ko kung ano ka nga tapos gawa-gawa ko lang pala ‘tong lahat—”
the girl gives her a gentle look,
“princess,”
huh?
then places a finger at stacey’s chest where her pink shirt reads princess. stacey could’ve sworn her heart skipped a beat.
“yan ba pangalan mo?”
stacey looks at her confused at first, then lets out a chuckle which turns into full-blown laughter. the girl finds herself laughing along with her, and now they both can’t stop laughing, not when the girl's laugh is too contagious—stacey can't bear it. she holds onto the boat to catch her breath until it eases.
finding something funny for the first time in what seems like a long time ever since she found herself in this crazy situation.
“what the hell, sure” stacey finally lets out, rubbing her thumb and forefinger to her cheeks, still trying to stop laughter from leaving her body.
“but you can call me stacey”
the way the girl’s eyes sparkle upon hearing her name. now, stacey kind of feels bad she lied to her.
“stacey, pretty... name... so what would it take for you to believe this is real?”
stacey thinks but doesn't know. everything so far has been unbelievable… yet every sensation, every feeling…
everything felt so real.
she reaches her hand out once more. not knowing why, just reaching for the girl in front of her.
the girl reaches back and their fingertips touch.
as soon as it does, the current her body makes a run through her spine. it tingles.
she wants to believe… but who can just easily take all of this in?
“anong pangalan mo?” stacey asks, still feeling the heat that crept up to her cheeks once more.
she doesn't pull her hand back, doesn't look away.
“kaya mo na bang maniwala… maniwalang totoo ako?”
stacey nods, and means it.
“people call me many names, iba iba kung san man nila ako makita… dun sa kung san ako kakagaling lang, ang binigay nilang pangalan, bituin ng dagat,”
maraiah ,
“pero aiah na lang,”
“sirena ka,” stacey finally says,
aiah giggles and nods, as they shake hands.
even this belated acceptance of the situation leaves stacey struck in awe, because how would you even process something like this?
who would ever think… that she would be having a near death-experience and would learn that mermaids are real at the same time.
stacey’s thoughts halt,
as soon as she finally allows herself to look at the girl in front of her, in her entirety.
if this was another time, people would probably find a place to worship someone as beautiful as this.
if this was another place, they would believe this is a goddess who came down from the heavens to grace them with her presence.
otherworldly. ethereal. real .
the current amount of languages she knows aren't enough to describe seeing someone like her.
“natutunaw na ako” aiah says with a chuckle to stacey's realization. she's been staring for a long time.
she coughs and shakes her head.
“ah aiah, nung sabi mo kanina tayo lang dalawa dito what do you mean?”
“kasi wala ng ibang tao dito,”
“so tayo lang talaga dito? hala paano ako makakauwi?” stacey whispers to herself.
“gusto mo ng umuwi? aiah asks looking somehow dejected.
“sige… pero makakahintay ka ba? sa paglubog ng araw?… hindi ako maaaring makita ng iba—”
“what do you mean?” stacey can feel her heart beat in striking familiarity. loud. shaky. “anong mangyayari?” she asks, but as soon as she does, she feels somehow stupid.
of course no one else should see her, who knows how they will react once they see a mermaid.
wonder?
curiosity?
fear?
none of it sounds appealing, humans are not the best at handling things when they find something different. what more, if something otherworldly?
stacey knows doesn't want anything bad to happen to her newfound… friend ?
she gives aiah a look, of understanding, of assurance.
i’ll make sure she's safe as long as she's with me.
and besides she wouldn't want anyone to see aiah either.
i can be selfish, can i?
-
amada, você não foi feita para olhos humanos
aiah smiles, “uy, nagtatanong ako kung gutom ka na?”
huh?
stacey has no idea what time it is but the sun is high up in the sky. she doesn’t even have to answer, when her stomach grumbles, giving it away.
she chuckles, embarrassed.
“anong kinakain niyo?” she asks aiah in curiosity.
aiah sends her a playful, if not mischievous grin.
and there it is, the tingles run on her back again and her thoughts race.
oh, she bites her lip. oh my god no.
“papatayin mo ba ako? oh my god, totoo ba yun gaya sa kwento? nangangain ba kayo ng tao?” she blurts out in one go. “wag mo ko kainin please, alam ko baka masarap ako pero wala naman akong masyadong laman huhu”
aiah looks at her in amusement then starts laughing.
“wag ka mag alala,”
stacey holds her breath, wanting to believe.
“lulutuin muna kita”
stacey lets out a sigh of relief, realizing how she's being messed with.
aiah just guffaws once more, her laughter melodic and hard to ignore. stacey can't help herself but laugh along with her once again.
“biro lang kasi, ikaw naman, may islang malapit dito,”
stacey bites her lip and nods. she was never the type to trust people easily, yet somehow,
well, it’s there or nowhere.
-
manmamatalek ka ed siak?
beyond the clouds, she can already see it.
“meron nga!”
stacey jumps excitedly to the shore.
land! finally!
seeing the sand, the birds, the trees, she has never felt so grateful. she looks back to aiah just looking fondly at her.
“hihintayin kita,” aiah urges her to go around and see what she can find.
stacey grins, nods and walks into the island.
as she goes, aiah’s eyes follow her footprints, then glances back at her tail.
-
stacey carefully checks the available plants, for anything she can recognize, for anything she can forage for her hunger to subside.
she scratches her head, wala namang pagkain dito?
nakakain ba ang gumamela? she picks up one.
baka kailangan kong mangisda?
she looks around to find something to use and scratches her head, she could've used her hoodie but it's now lost to the sea.
somehow she smells a familiar aroma, something cooking.
huh?
she walks back to where she came from.
may nagluluto dito?
there's fire, and fish on a stick being cooked in a pit.
huh??
aiah smiles as soon as she sees her,
“pano mo—?”
“maluluto na yan, malapit na”
“pano ikaw?”
aiah just giggles, “don't worry about me”
stacey moves closer and sits down by the fire, avoiding the smoke. she folds her hands to her knees, and looks at aiah. grateful to say the least. she wishes she can give her something, anything.
she sits beside her, flower in hand, red against the sea of blues and greens.
“anong gina—”
“sandali…” she moves closer, placing the flower to aiah's ear. “ayan, bagay sa'yo”
stacey grins proudly, looking at the girl like her masterpiece.
aiah shakes her head, as she tucks some loose hair to her ear.
“ah luto na yan, pwede mo nang kainin,”
“talaga? anong isda to?”
“bangus” aiah answers in a sing-song manner.
bangus? no way
“huh? bat mo binalik?” aiah looks at her in surprise then reaches out for it.
“masarap naman yan ah” she says then takes a bite.
“huwag!”
“bakit? luto na”
“sabi nung bangkero—”
“kung sino mang humuli at kumain sa kanila ay mamamatay”
she watches aiah closely, sweat beads form on her forehead.
aiah looks at her, smiles then—
“AIAH!”
she calls out as the mermaid falls onto the sand.
stacey holds her head to check, heart banging in her chest.
the girl's eyes are closed, and she's cold
no, no way please—
yet...
giggles escape from her.
stacey fake cries again, but this time from being scared to death.
“kainin mo na kasi,” aiah picks it up, blows for it to cool, then hands it over to stacey.
this time, stacey doesn't say anything more. she sniffles and pinches a part to taste.
huh? for something unseasoned why does it taste like this?
she takes a bite and another and another,
'bat ganito ka sarap, hala mystical bangus siguro tong talaga
with every bite it's like her soul has ascended to heaven.
nakakamatay nga siguro... sa sarap
aiah just shakes her head as she watches her, pleased to say the least.
“thank you, thank you talaga, yun na ata pinakamasarap na isdang natikman ko in my life huhu dali dito kiss kita,” she rambles then pauses, surprising herself.
the girl just giggles, and stacey offers her the rest of it, this time to aiah's surprise.
she really saved some of her meal to share with aiah.
“kumakain ka nito?”
“bakit naman hindi” aiah laughs at the question,
“hindi ba yan cannibalism??” stacey asks, trying to mask her shock.
aiah laughs and shakes her head. “tinikman ko kanina diba”
“kain ka pa... ano pa kinakain niyo?”
“hm? marami naman, sa dagat seaweeds, ibang isda, kahit pagkain dito sa ibabaw nakakain ko naman”
soon enough, the day turned to a game of questions, mostly aiah just answering every amusing thing stacey throws. the glimmer in stacey's eyes does not fade, with every answer her wonder grows.
“sa atlantis ka ba nakatira?”
“hindi,” aiah laughs, “pero marami kami dun”
“hala, so may iba pang mga sirena! may ibang sirena pa ba dito?”
“dito? parang wala, pero may nagpupunta din naman miminsan”
“kailangan niyo ba magsuklay?”
“hindi”
“may shampoo din ba kayo”
aiah just giggles and shakes her head.
“ang lambot ng buhok mo, by the way”
“oh?” aiah shakes it to the wind and takes stacey's hand for her to touch. stacey doesn't even realize she's let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.
“thank you~”
so soft, that's crazy.
“nagt-toothbrush ba kayo?”
“naman, may mga dahon sa baba na pwede panlinis ng ngipin”
aiah grins showing her her teeth, stacey just laughs.
so pretty
this time stacey doesn’t stop herself from poking aiah's dimpled cheek, to aiah's pleasant surprise.
“natutulog ka ba?”
“hindi naman kailangan, pero…”
aiah looks up at the sky and stacey follows, thankful the clouds overcast that she didn't need to find shade. she wouldn't have had the chance to talk to aiah like this, as if hanging out with a friend, just lounging side by side at the shore.
she has moved closer now, to the water. a sandcastle, built by dripping wet sand from their hands to towers, have grown in the space between them.
“minsan… pag napapagod, i’d close my eyes to float away and dream”
“oh? anong napapanaginipan mo?”
aiah bites her lip and hesitates, yet she lets herself continue, “the past, or whatever the wind and the current brings me… antagal ko ding nagpalutang lutang lang bago ako nakaabot dito” aiah looks at stacey and she tries her best to smile, yet underneath, stacey knows there's something she's holding back.
stacey can feel it more when she looks away. she doesn't know what or why. the kind of feeling she can't just easily shake. as if the shifting of the tide, it grows, and the weight looms overhead as if an impending storm.
“kaya ba nahanap mo ako, nadala ka ba ng alon?”
aiah meets her eyes, there's a flicker of something she doesn't recognize. once again, aiah doesn't say much and just shakes her head.
stacey knows she still has countless more questions to ask, how she would want to know about her travels, how long they take, how far she's gone, but at this moment, the answers to these don't seem quite as important.
she doesn't anymore. instead, stacey places her hand over hers.
maybe aiah has travelled far and wide to get here. the odds that aiah found her under the tide, across oceans and seas, stacey can't even begin to understand it, but can only feel thankful and lucky.
maybe just being here is enough. that somehow in some way, maybe this is somewhere that stacey needs to be in, not just some place they stumbled to find. for her to be thankful to be alive, and for aiah to be able to feel some sense of comfort even for a short while.
she faces the girl, there's something about her eyes that gives it away. the way aiah looks at her, it's as if she wants to tell her something but doesn't. she can feel a certain kind of ache in her chest.
stacey wonders if she can ease it, whatever it is, whatever aiah's feeling. it's not like she understands it. yet...
she pats her lap for aiah's to rest on, it's the least she could offer, after everything she's ever done. how do you even begin to repay someone that breathed you back to life?
to her surprise and at the same time relief, aiah leans her head on it, crumbling the castle in between them.
maybe that's all she needs, some sense of peace.
“alam mo ba pa'no ako nakaabot dito?” aiah asks, breaking the silence, her eyes still closed.
stacey shakes her head,
“gusto ko kasi makita ang kalawakan, dito kasi minsan may mga bulalakaw”
“nagwiwish ka din ba?” stacey asks,
aiah opens her eyes to look at her and says nothing.
“sabi nila pag nakakita ka ng shooting star, pag magwiwish ka matutupad, may hiling ka ba?” stacey continues, eyes to the horizon.
she casts a shadow over aiah when she glances back.
“ikaw…”
she says after a while,
“...nakakita ka na ba ng shooting star?” the girl continues.
if only she could know what is running through the girl's head, stacey smiles and nods.
“—kanina ata… bago ako inagos” she giggles as if it's a far distant memory. “at nagwish ako nung nasa ilalim ako ng tubig… tapos dumating ka… natupad ata yung kahilingan ko agad… salamat, maraming salamat talaga”
aiah just looks at her, nods in silence, then closes her eyes once more.
stacey knows aiah didn't answer her question just now, and she can't help but wonder about how there must be something she wants in this life, if only there's a way for her to make her wish come true too.
but for now, she’ll let aiah enjoy the peace they have, in their own little world they've created.
and they lay in that moment for a while, stacey playing with aiah's hair as she rests, even for a brief moment. maybe that's all she needs.
-
droplets fall on stacey's skin, she looks up to the dark clouds overhead.
she covers aiah then feels silly, it's water. she's a mermaid. she sighs, in her head they're just girls together.
lightning strikes somewhere beyond, and stacey jolts, which wakes aiah to notice stacey's worried state.
“hala, nakatulog pala—” aiah sits up just as soon as the rolling thunder follows, and stacey yelps, afraid.
aiah wraps her arms around her. calming her down.
“come with me,”
“saan?”
“just until the rain subsides, you can trust me” aiah assures as she moves towards the water.
stacey stares and gulps,
“hindi ko hahayaang may mangyari sa'yong masama, i promise… you're gonna be okay”
stacey nods as she follows the girl to the sea without hesitation.
if this was stacey yesterday, there would be no way this would be happening… funny how things easily change.
“take a deep breath, then we'll go down at the count of three, okay?”
the rain starts pouring on them, and she feels aiah’s hands, soft and warm, holding on to hers tightly.
she nods, and aiah starts to count
“one… two… three”
and they plunge into the sea.
-
the swim to the bottom is a rush, albeit quite scary, dark, and cold… aiah's presence makes it less of all.
aiah's hands anchor her, keeping her worries at bay, assuring that it's going to be fine.
“you're gonna be okay,” stacey believes it.
down
down
and down
they go…
“you can trust me”
she can hear her voice in her head as she feels her lungs fighting to breathe, her head pounding from the pressure as they go deeper still.
she can feel aiah let go of one of her hands to reach out to her face,
she sees nothing, but feels her soft skin on her lips once again.
and everything's lighter now, somehow.
if this is how i drown, at least she'll be next to me.
then somehow all her worries seem to fade away,
wait—
i can breathe
bubbles.
aiah doesn't let go of her hand this time as she leads her farther to the bottom.
soon enough, something shimmers: a glowing light, small at first, growing bigger and bigger…
and they break through another surface.
woah–
stacey blinks, she can’t believe what she's currently seeing.
a city? underwater?
schools of fish pass her by, moving into their own routes.
different sea creatures living in harmony. the diverse colors, the amount of species, a lot she hasn't even seen before.
awestruck is an understatement. all of this is unheard of, it's not something anyone has ever known.
as if she was transported to another planet, it's an entire world of its own.
stacey grins. this is unbelievable.
aiah pulls her around to see the sights, following a current only she knows,
unique architecture made with corals, phosphorescent rocks, it’s incredible. kaleidoscopic colors of bioluminescent life forms, stacey could go on and on.
words cannot begin to describe it. everything is breathtaking, everything is beautiful.
up ahead, stacey notices a castle-like structure,
aiah looks at her and turns them in the other direction.
to stacey's surprise on what's waiting,
she screams in the water, no sound comes out.
then pulls away as if to run... until she realizes aiah's not fazed at all.
the great white shark pauses in front of them, and aiah just grins.
to stacey’s surprise, she pats the shark and rubs its belly like a big puppy.
her jaw drops at the sight.
gagi ang cute!
soon enough, fishes surround aiah as if just recognizing her presence. circling around her as she laughs and giggles.
she meets stacey's eyes and calls her over to take her hand again. then pulls her closer into the personal vortex created for her, now enough to fit them together.
around and around they go.
it's a new sensation, close to excitement and wonder... and stacey knows she has never felt happier.
she has never seen such sights, and have never seen aiah in this glorious light.
that this is how she lives, how her reality goes. a part of stacey wishes she can be a part of it, but for now she's thankful to be able to experience even a bit.
their limbs crash and tangle as they are spun closer, circled over and over and over.
bubbles surround them as they continue to laugh and giggle at each other. amused at what's happening.
the more she looks at aiah, the more she realizes how she actually glows.
the star of the sea, it's really fitting.
aiah blinks and grins, noticing how she's staring again. she gives her hand a gentle squeeze.
stacey could fade into her in that moment, she can hear her heartbeat like a drum in her ears.
it doesn't help that aiah has been looking at her the same, looks at her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, her lips… then avoids, to look up, taking stacey's hands once more to lead her back to the surface where they once were.
-
ฉันรู้สึกอะไรอยู่เนี่ย?
ฉันรู้ว่าฉันเคยรู้สึกแบบนี้มาก่อน
“dinadala mo ba sila doon?” stacey asks as soon as her feet once again meet the sand on the shore.
“sino?”
she stops to look back, aiah is still on the water. she doesn't keep walking further.
“mga ibang natutulungan mo… alam ko hindi lang naman siguro ako,”
stacey knows, somehow, that aiah's heart may be playful but true. she wouldn't have been here she wasn't a definition of good.
“there have been a few people. pero hindi… hindi sila nakakaabot dun,”
to be given that privilege, stacey's heart swells.
it's not something that happens to other people. it's not even something that can happen at all.
to see that with her mere human eyes, none of it feels real.
she must be the luckiest girl in the world. stacey can't help but feel warm all over.
she sits once again, to level with aiah's gaze.
“prinsesa ka ba dun?”
aiah shakes her head, somehow not in disagreement, but in disbelief.
stacey hums, wondering if she should ask.
“magtatanong ka ba bakit ako umalis?”
stacey nods.
“somehow, it didn't feel like home... i went away to see the world, i wanted to be free...”
“pag bumalik ka anong mangyayari?”
“makakalimutan ko, lahat na nasa mundong ibabaw, ang sinag ng araw, ang awit ng hangin, ang mga tala sa kalangitan…” she says something stacey didn't quite catch as she trails off.
“pag bumalik ako, it'd be like nothing happened, but i'd know that there's something missing because it's not somewhere i want to be...
i'd rather chase for something i want in the unknown for god knows how long” she chuckles, “than settle back there where i know i won't find happiness or peace.”
stacey takes in her words in silence, she knows she has been the opposite.
“kahit na masaktan ako, and my heart gets broken ng paulit-ulit, at least i know it's for something i want, for something i love.”
“grabe ka naman pala magmahal,” stacey pokes around the sand, “pero kung ako yan di kita gaganyanin…” she meets aiah's eyes in jest,
aiah starts laughing. she laughs like it was the funniest thing she's ever heard in her life, stacey looks at her confusedly yet amused…
“huy kalma ako lang to,” stacey lets out a chuckle,
“you’re really something, you know that?” aiah lets out, her eyes looking at her so earnestly.
“syempre ako na to” she hears herself mumbling as she once again feels the warmth creeping up her cheeks. she'll never get used to this.
“ihh, bakit naman ganun, kala ko may happily ever after na pag bumalik ka”
aiah laughs and swims closer to the shore.
“kung alam mo lang kung gaano ka gusto. gustong gusto, pero parang hindi talaga nakasulat sa tadhana namin siguro”
namin? may iba—
“tadhana? screw that, kung sino man yang gusto mo ipipilit natin, sino ba yan at ipapatumba ko?”
aiah guffaws once more. this, stacey could get used to.
she laughs along with her despite what she feels, she doesn't even understand what she's feeling.
of course there'd be someone, sinong maniniwalang wala, when she's this beautiful.
“sana ganun lang kadali, i wouldn't even know if they remember me, so pano pa yung mamahalin ako?”
stacey frowns at the thought, ganito na siya kaganda tapos ganito parin pinoproblema?
“hindi ka naman mahirap mahalin” she says without hesitation.
…
and with that said for the wind to carry, stacey doesn't know why she can feel her heart aching slightly.
whoever this guy is so, so lucky…
“ikaw ba anong meron sa kaharian niyo?” aiah asks, reeling her back in.
“ha?” for the first time, stacey is lost.
“princess, prinsesa ka din”
“ay–huh,” she looks at her shirt, she should've cleared this up long ago, but oh well,
“uhm may tawanan, may pahinga,” she says at the top of her head, what else happens in her usual day?
“may oras makasama ang mga taong mahalaga sa atin, hm may oras mag aral, may oras manalig, pero simple lang. wala naman masyadong nangyayari,”
aiah shakes her head and smiles, “that sounds wonderful, actually,”
“konti lang kasi nakatira dun,”
she counts in her head, her mom, her friends, her cats,
kaharian ni princess sevilleja, population: pito
she giggles.
“pero marami pang pwedeng mangyari kasi nabubuhay pa naman ako, baka gusto mong lumipat dun?” stacey jokes, “welcome ka,”
aiah just chuckles and sighs.
“ano pang mga gusto mong mangyari?”
ano bang gusto ko?
stacey tries to imagine a future she wants to see.
maging masaya?
she sees her friends' faces—older, wiser, doing things they love, still together.
she sees her mother, being able to hold her, going places together, places they've never been before.
meet more people, to give back, appreciate what every day may bring, the little things, the unexpected things,
to grow older,
she imagines aiah's face by her side, then looks at the one in front of her.
she pauses.
her thoughts are crossing uncharted territories she has no clue how to navigate.
her hands grips the sand underneath without thinking.
“h-hindi ko pa alam, pero mabuhay lang talaga” she says, trying to calm her heart down. somehow it's something she wants, but is she even allowed to want something like this?
“that's okay too… you'll eventually know what you want anyway, you have all the time in the world.”
she glances at the sky ahead, not wanting this day to end. she can hear her heart banging through her rib cage, waiting to get out.
“know i’ll root for you, sigurado ako kung ano man yun ay mangyayari rin, magagawa mo rin sa future,”
stacey bites her lip and nods.
“i-ikaw aiah, may mga gusto ka pa bang gawin?” she says as her eyes meet the horizon, if she can only freeze time, she really would.
she looks at stacey, then follows where her eyes are looking.
the sun is setting, enveloping them in gold and orange hues, bathing them with her last light.
it's as beautiful as the last, but this means they're running out of time, and aiah’s far brighter, more beautiful, if only stacey can hold on to it, to this. would she be allowed to?
stacey glances back to no one.
there's nothing in her line of sight.
aiah's gone.
stacey stands up abruptly and looks around, the piercing in her chest worse than when she was under the deluge.
“aiah?” she calls out, she can only manage a whisper.
footprints, she notices as she turns,
wide-eyed and awestruck, she notices the girl standing a few steps in front of her.
“aiah, tinakot mo naman ako—” stacey chokes up a sob trying to escape. trying her best to stop the tears forming in her eyes as aiah checks out her new feet.
aiah nods and smiles as she steps closer towards her.
stacey wants to cry, but instead she looks up and bites her lip.
“uy,” she notices aiah's concerned gaze, as she moves closer, and reaches a hand towards stacey's face.
once her palm presses on her cheek, stacey melts in it.
she's never been the type to open up her heart so easily so why is she bursting at the seams?
“sorry na, gusto ko lang maranasan maglakad,”
stacey chuckles in relief, “kahit pa tumakbo ka,”
they've only been here for a few hours, but with the way she's feeling, as if they've been here for years.
stacey takes her other hand, to hold. if only she could never let it go, and they walk along. hand in hopeful hand, they go together like the rolling waves and the shore.
in the quiet, they can hear the sound of the sea along with the rhythm of their heartbeats,
singing a song the wind has carried a thousand times before, making its way across them from beyond.
they sway slightly just like the trees, hands finding their way to shoulders and waists, as their feet press firmly on the sand, digging through it as they turn around and around in their dance of what has beens and what could bes, of what's imagined and what's real.
her forehead rests against aiah's, calming her racing heart and shallow breaths.
so close yet still so far,
why does it seem like we've been here before?
en cada vida
在每一次心跳中
je te trouverai ou je me noierai dans tes souvenirs
数え切れないほどの嵐、砂、海を越えて
eu prometo que nos encontraremos novamente
no mankakasakey iray bitewen ed dayat
hangtod sa kanus-a,
ฉันจะเก็บหัวใจของคุณไว้กับฉัน
agingga nga agkitakami manen, makitaka iti tagtagainep
tears fall as stacey blinks,
hala?
she pulls away, to look at aiah's face. it mirrors hers.
“naiintindihan mo na?”
how could she not have known? that all of these dreams were once memories they had ages ago.
“ikaw… at ako?”
“ikaw, lagi namang ikaw…”
they've met each other in
how many lifetimes now
too many to count
they've had different faces, different names,
in places known, in places hard to find.
a princess in the east coast of spain
on her way to the americas,
the daughter of a chinese trader
on their way to visit the southern islands,
a french noblewoman
running away from marriage,
a japanese girl
that fell off a fishing boat on a sunny day,
a daughter of a mountain chieftain
yearning for the sea,
so many stories, so much pain, so much loss,
so much love.
it doesn't end well sometimes, most times. all the time.
star-crossed lovers doomed to burn bright and fall apart.
“ilang beses mo na ko nasagip?”
“as many times as you've saved me,”
“ilang taon mo na akong hinahanap?”
“hindi na yun mahalaga,
ang importante nandito ka,
nagkita tayong muli”
stacey, merely mortal—wide-eyed, short lived… and aiah, all the same in every life they meet. one bound by the earth and the other, the sea. they only have the stars, wishes, and dreams.
in both ends, they've had their fair share of tragedies.
“you can't keep doing this, breaking your heart for me,”
“hindi ko maipapangako, mahal”
mahal
stacey breaks, for herself, for aiah. there must be something she can do, there must be something she can change. they can't keep meeting like this only to lose each other all the time again and again.
that's not the love she knows, that's not the love she has imagined,
“aiah—” stacey calls out, voice cracking, pulling her as close as she can in the fear that she would just disappear.
and in that moment it's as if everything stills. no sky above, no ground below, no time to tell them it’ll be over soon.
“alam mo ba yung hiling ko?”
“magkita tayo ulit?”
aiah shakes her head,
“na mahalin mo ko ulit?”
“mahal naman kita palagi”
“humiling ka pa, humiling ka ulit,” stacey tells her, chuckling while wiping her tears.
there are countless stars in the sky, it's impossible that not one is falling right now, at this moment. she wishes.
if nothing happens, then she'll wish again, as much as the stars in the sky, with every second, with every atom in her body if it's required.
“pag bumalik ako, sumama ka sa'kin,”
she's not asking this time, she knows the answer in her heart. she just had to let it out to be able to breathe.
she wouldn't have left this to fate, if this had been the case all along for the lives that they've lived.
if it's what's written who said they couldn't rewrite it,
sa'kin ka na lang humiling…
“kailangan mo nang umuwi” aiah whispers to stacey's hair.
“hindi—”
stacey doesn't let her go.
“hindi, huwag muna… dito lang tayo,”
if she can hold her forever she would, picking up the pieces of her heart scattered on the shore. they're beautiful as fragments, shimmering in the light, but what if there's a way to make it whole?
“hindi na kita iiwan pang muli”
aiah chuckles,
is that so hard to believe?
have i said this before and not meant it?
“dala naman kitang palagi”
that's not enough?
more questions wrack stacey's head, only for aiah leave a kiss on it, washing all of it away.
they stay for a while, in the quiet night, under the light of the moon.
-
they can see the island from where stacey was from before they met, lights from the room where her friends are at. she's almost home.
sand on her feet, her life within reach, she looks back to see aiah’s face and the hand she hasn't let go since.
stacey runs back to the ocean, taking aiah with her,
“anong ginagawa mo? sandali—”
“kung ayaw mo sumama sa akin… ako na lang sasama sayo”
aiah stops in her tracks and pulls her close.
“silly, it will be okay, it's how it's always been”
“it won't… it’s not okay, i don't want to see you get hurt once you leave me, and you know it will pain me as much as you, but since we're not gonna die together in this lifetime, so we might as well live.”
we might as well live.
aiah tucks a strand of hair to her ear and places a hand on her cheek,
“nakahiling na ako,
hindi ka naman mawawala sa akin…”
but why not be with me? why do we need to leave?
why can't she figure this out?
stacey grits her teeth, she needs to figure this out.
“magkikita ba tayong muli?” she asks instead, she needs to think, to stall, just until the stars appear once again. just until they start to fall.
“makikita mo ako sa ulan, makikita mo ko sa panaginip”
“hindi, ayoko. gusto ko yung ikaw na mahahagkan, mahahawakan hindi yung hindi—”
their lips crash, as stacey leans in,
finally giving in to the pull of the sea.
all the love she's piled up in a tidal wave, crashing into her.
carried in the torrential downpours, carried in the waves.
stacey fades into the abyss filled with their memories, drowning into her.
she could die like this, she knows it, it must've happened before.
and aiah could just take her breath away the way she brought it,
but aiah pushes her away lightly for her to be able to breathe and breathe some more.
she chuckles, she never thought it would be like this. now she understands, why aiah comes back over and over even when it never ends well. if this is peace, this is why people lose their minds at sea.
stacey has decided, she needs to win.
“babalik ako”
“bukas? sa makalawa? sa susunod na kabanata? magsabi ka… gagawan natin ng paraan,”
if i can trade all her pain for happiness this time, would she let me?
“kung saan ka doon din ako,”
aiah laughs despite,
“nakahiling na ako”
“wala na ba akong magagawa talaga,” stacey closes her eyes.
stay
stacey doesn't say anymore. she can feel aiah drifting away.
this time for this lifetime, please stay
please don't let me go this time. i’ll wait…
the stars fall once more.
—
i can hear you,
i've listened to your heart for ages
“lindtsey”
…
“stacey”
…
“aubrey”
…
“hm ma?”
“anong hm ma, uy princess pabalik na kami ni mommy mo, may sinend daw si jhoanna sa email di mo daw binasa”
disoriented, she blinks. twice, thrice, as if she's gone from a long and winding dream.
she's on her desk—she looks around, at home.
she reads a note in front of her,
gone jogging. see you soon!
“hahabol daw siya mamaya, may papadala ka ba?”
on the wall in front of her there's a board—polaroids with mikha and jhoanna, a photo of her mom in a place with snow. new faces, new friends, her cats, a dog.
time passed and a lot of things have changed,
she reads an email from her laptop,
“nabasa ko na yung draft mo! ang galing, pinadala mo na ba yun sa editor?”
the email from jhoanna, right i haven't.
she turns around and smiles as soon as she sees her face in the mirror, aged gracefully, she remembers.
this really is the life she is living.
behind her more pictures, enveloped from the glaze of the sunset seeping from her windows.
“huy hello?”
yung mahal ko.
“wala, see you later na”
“okay, nga pala pakisabi sa kanya miss na namin yung luto niya”
“hindi man lang luto ko? ay wag na lang nga kayo pumunta dito”
mikha chuckles on the other end then drops the call.
yet a lot of things have stayed the same.
stacey opens the door, and sunset awaits her just as it does every single day before.
that's just how it goes, life. with every ending, there's always a new beginning waiting to unfold.
and along with the sand, the sea, she can hear the familiar beating of her heart.
she breathes in the gentle breeze, and soon enough she hears it.
“princess,” she turns to the calm voice that sounds like a song,
this time something's different, this time something's whole.
it may have taken lifetimes to reach it but she knows she's found half of her soul, and this time, she's not letting her go.
she smiles as soon as their eyes meet.
aiah, her heart, her sea, as radiant as ever. in her eyes starlight spilling, always happy to see stacey in front of her.
stacey, her star, her moonbeams, there's no point in life without her. every wish she's ever made, every dream to ever come true.
as stacey takes her hand, something about it glints as it catches the last rays of the sunlight.
both human fingers now adorned with earthly rocks, and a promise to live their days together until they can no longer...
moving through life as if it's a never-ending dream, letting the wind carry them back to each other where they both belong.
—
ibagam kaniak a saan nga arapaap daytoy
saan a kasta, patpatgek