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“But...if there’s a chance in the next life, you should come visit my library.”
Mydei woke up with unevaporated tears in his glossy eyes.
It was his tenth consecutive dream, all identical. The same voice repeating the same sentence, the same sentiment, over and over again. So much so that the words had simply lost their semantic meaning, rendering the sentence into a broken promise lacking context. Who was the speaker, to whom he was speaking to? What life, what library, just exactly who had he forgotten?
A knock on his bedroom door tore him back to reality. His housekeeper informed him that he was late for school, and that he was expected to be present for the family’s charity ball this evening.
Yeah, fuck that. He couldn’t care less about all that fancy diplomatic occasions. Castrum Kremnos Inc., the monstrosity of a pharmaceutical empire that gatekeeps medicine for profit could burn to the ground. He wanted no part in this legacy forged by the blood of thousands of innocents that could not afford to purchase the cure.
He grunted a nonchalant reply before devising a plan to rebel. As boring as school may be, there was one sanctuary that he returned to time and again whenever he needed to evade responsibilities as the sole heir and supposed inheritor of the Kremnoan family, so that was where he ended at, between second and third period.
His fingers stalled at the dusty bookshelves. The library was not particularly spacious, in contrary to the prestige of the private school; there were only around ten shelves in total, and two small study tables plus a checkout area. Depressing paper cutouts in the shape of animals dangled from the ceiling where one of the fluorescent light bulbs flickered in and out in a ghastly halo. He had written numerous proposals, given countless appeals in front of the principal to fight for a budget to upgrade the library, listing benefits like ‘cultivating students’ appreciation of the literature’ and ‘enhancing community belonging’, yet all his pleas fell on deaf ears. The school’s patrons and donors would rather pour their funds towards building new sports facility or hiring more teachers for their STEM program. Mydei was convinced then that he was born in the wrong era.
But something worth doing must be done. With a sigh, Mydei rolled up his sleeves and began perusing the pile of returned books sitting lonely at the corner collecting dust, manually sorting them according to the first name of the author and checking them back into the system. He set to work in an established, familiar routine, feeling tethered back to earth when his fingers flipped through worn, yellowed pages, his raging heart resuming a calmer pace under the comforting scent of musk and ink.
It was only in this haven that he got to escape from the cruel reality, that he got to spend some valuable fragments of time with himself, without any external influence. Time at the library always glimmered with a faint golden glow, and Mydei was sealed within this precious bubble like a moth within an amber, suspended for a moment in time, forever eternal.
A book fell from the tower of overdue items. It was quite a thick volume comparable to that of a dictionary; the cover depicted an outlandish scenery, of a Greco-Roman classical looking architecture surrounded by oceans, and a marble statue holding a ginormous sphere on his shoulders like some sort of guardian deity. Mydei squinted at the title.
‘Legend of Amphoreus, Book 1: Flame-Chase Journey’
Hm, sounds like it’s your typical high fantasy tome , Mydei thought to himself. While he was more of a historical anthology type of reader, he wasn’t opposed to fantasy once in a while. He made a mental note to research on the reviews of the book to see if it was worth reading.
Just as he was about to bend down to pick up the book, a pair of hands intruded into his vision and got to the book before him.
“Found you!”
Mydei straightened and gave the newcomer a once-over, slightly amused and annoyed at the overly cheery tone. He was as tall as Mydei, with snow-white hair and striking blue eyes seldom seen in these parts of the country. His school uniform was pressed and pristine, and Mydei did not miss the spotless leather shoes and blazer. Everything about this guy screamed tell-tale exemplary student, whereas Mydei’s own rumpled shirt, rolled-up sleeves and askew tie bespoke the opposite.
“You’re Mydei, right?” The newcomer picked up the tome and sauntered to the nearest chair, plopping himself down. There was an air of ease around him, as if he had been here many times or worse, owned the place.
“I don’t think we have met before.” Mydei said in his usual guarded voice.
“No, we have not.” The guy turned his gaze on Mydei and flashed him a grin. Tsk. He’s good-looking. Mydei reluctantly acknowledged in his heart. He put on his resting bitch face and extended his hand.
The stranger tilted his head in confusion for a second (Mydei immediately conjured up a mental image of a white overgrown samoyed), before placing his own right hand into Mydei’s.
Mydei suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. “The book, you idiot.”
The fair stranger gave a nervous laugh to mask his embarrassment and ruffled his hair. “Oh, right. Sorry. Here you go!” He handed the heavy tome back to Mydei. The easy-going nature of the stranger put Mydei slightly at a loss for words. He wasn’t used to people acting so...normal, around him. Everybody in his grade knew that he was the son of a very well-known family and crazy rich; people only befriended him when they expect something from him, be it favours or money. Mydei was used to the fake smiles and words loaded with subtexts; he wanted to yell and punch his way out of those hyenas that wanted nothing but to leech off his status. So the arrival of this stranger was a welcoming breath of fresh air, and a very peculiar variable in Mydei’s otherwise unassuming day.
He placed the tome on the table before making himself comfortable on the chair opposite the stranger. “You’re new here. How is it that you know my name?”
The good-looking fellow smiled. He rummaged in his backpack and pulled out a leaflet. “It says here that you are recruiting members for the Book Club?”
Mydei was honestly taken aback. He had been trying to recruit members for the Book Club for months, running from classroom to classroom distributing leaflets and even bribing the Radio Drama Club to borrow their equipment to make a public service announcement during morning assembly. At first, he managed to scramble together a dozen students, but very soon Mydei learned that the majority only signed up to get closer to him instead of being motivated by the love of reading, while the others were there for light novels and immediately dropped out when he suggested something more serious. The last time the Book Club convened was more than two months ago; due to the lack of members, Mydei was this close to losing the club room and all associated club privileges and budget.
He was pleasantly surprised someone actually made the effort to read the poorly-designed leaflet he had produced on Canva. “You...want to join the Book Club?”
“Yeah!” The stranger voiced his assent excitedly (again, Mydei could not stop the mental image of a giant dog wagging his tail from populating his mind). “How do I sign up? Do I just talk to you and that’s it? What time do we start? How many people are in this?”
Mydei threw up his hands in mock defeat. “Woah woah, what’s with the bombardment of questions? Do you ever shut up?” He regretted those words as soon as they had left his mouth as the stranger gave an almost inconspicuous flinch. Mydei cursed himself for his crudeness; he was used to being a brat around his parents and those so-called ‘friends’ of his, because he knew he could get away with it. This newcomer however, seemed to be a genuinely kind and inquisitive person that didn’t want anything out of this exchange. He deserved better.
Mydei sighed. Shall we begin again? He thought. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to come off as harsh.” He dipped his head in apology, and the stranger smiled, dispersing the awkward silence. “You come at perfect timing. Our Club has been struggling for quite some time because nobody reads these days. If you are genuinely interested in literature and wants to explore different genres, I am more than happy to welcome you to join us as a regular member.” Mydei wandered to the librarian’s locker area and scanned through the many folders he kept there. He plucked a piece of paper out and placed it in front of the stranger. Club Membership Enrolment Form.
“That’s wonderful! Count me in!” The newcomer took the pen from Mydei and began filling out the form before pausing at a certain blank. “Oh, it says here to write down my student ID. I only have a temporary one because I’m an exchange student. Is that ok?”
That explained his appearance and accent which stood him apart from the locals. Mydei thought for two seconds before nodding his assent. He was this close to fabricating a fake student ID for his cat just to meet the minimum requirement of club members, so might as well. It’s not like the school could do anything about him anyway, like are they going to kick him out?
“Your name. How do you pronounce it?”
“‘PHA-I-NON'. It’s like ‘fine’ and ‘on’ but with more emphasis on the ‘i’ sound in the middle.”
Mydei tried experimenting his name several times on his tongue until Phainon’s eyes crinkled in half-moons in satisfaction. When Mydei made sure he was pronouncing his name right, he tried again. “Hi Phainon, I’m Mydei.”
Phainon hummed. “Yes. I know.”
Mydei sighed in exasperation. “You’re supposed to say hi back. Let’s not forget basic manners.”
Phainon laughed, and Mydei tried not to stare at the dimples on his cheeks. “‘Basic manners’, says the person who lashed out at poor me for helping him pick up a book.” He winked, and Mydei felt heat crawled on his face despite his wish.
“I - bruh, fine, you got me.” To drive the point home, he stood up and smoothed over his shirt. He bowed in a very formal way. “Thank you, Phainon , for helping me pick up the book. And thank you for signing up for the Book Club. You saved me from a pinch situation.” And that part, Mydei genuinely meant it. The last thing he expected was for a random person to be interested in his little passion project and agreeing to jump on the bandwagon; because of this unexpected episode, his day brightened up already and he unconsciously wanted to gravitate towards Phainon and stayed on his good graces.
Phainon only laughed and patted Mydei’s shoulders, motioning for him to sit down. “What are you, a medieval prince? Friends don’t require such formality. See, you’re making me all flustered.”
Since when are we friends? Mydei mused. “Are you always like this with people you just met, Phainon?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like...you seem so effortlessly amicable. You came in here, saw me and immediately acted buddy-buddy towards me.”
“Heh, that’s because I like Mydei!” Phainon winked again and Mydei felt a mini earthquake wreaked through his frame. This guy...there’s definitely something wrong with him, wasn’t there?
Phainon beamed at Mydei’s stuttering voice. “Don’t - don’t say misleading things.”
“What misleading thing? The fact that I like you?”
“Stop saying it already!” Mydei yelled, his ears turning bright red. Seriously, what’s wrong with this guy?
“Haha, alright alright, don’t want to scare away my crush on our first encounter.” Phainon said, ignoring the second earthquake that just rattled Mydei’s entire worldview. “So what’s the deal with the Book Club? What are we reading this month?”
Mydei tried to control his breathing back to a somewhat non-erratic beat. He glanced at Phainon again; the latter simply directed his – goddamnit - innocent watery puppy eyes at him, as if saying ‘is Mydei going to yell at me again?’
Mydei knew then and there that Phainon is going to be trouble. He forced his mind back to the topic at hand, which was...the non-existent book of the month.
He cursed under his breath. The fact was, the club had not had a proper meeting in so long, he forgot to designate a book for his members because what was the point of assigning a book to a club that didn’t have any members? In a frantic moment, his gaze fell on the heavy tome sitting on the table.
“This one. This is what we’re reading.” Mydei pointed. “It’s an epic high fantasy series telling the story of a bunch of heroes trying to save their dying planet by collecting what they call ‘Coreflames’.” He thanked his parents for bestowing him the gene of photographic memory and his ability to bullshit his way through absolutely anything and everything.
Phainon picked up the tome, reading the synopsis at the back cover. “Wow, that sounds so mysterious! I’m in!” Mydei released a bated breath he had no idea he was holding. Looks like Phainon didn’t see through him right away.
Just as Mydei was explaining the Club’s regular meetup hours and general housekeeping rules, the bell sounded for the next period. Phainon got up and started walking towards the hallway that led to the classrooms. He stopped at the threshold and tossed something at Mydei. “Oh, I almost forgot! Here, it’s your favourite.”
Mydei fumbled around the object Phainon just threw him. It’s...a pomegranate flavored cream soda?
He frowned. “What - wait , how did you know it’s my favourite?”
To his absolute astonishment (and secret enjoyment, but he would not admit it to himself) - Phainon simply waved and blew him a flying kiss. “A parting gift, for my handsome librarian crush. See ya Monday afterschool then!”
And then he was gone. As fleeting and flippant as the west wind that caressed Mydei’s burning cheeks.
That...scoundrel. Did he really materialize in Mydei’s life, confess to him and disappear, just like that?
Mydei glanced at ‘The Legend of Amphoreus’ sitting on the table. He started looking forward to Monday.
-
As it turned out, Phainon was popular amongst the exchange student circle. Very popular.
Mydei’s jaw was on the floor when Phainon showed up come Monday with not one, not two, but three more companions. “Hey Mydei, say hi to your newly recruited club members! Everyone, this is Mydei, the Book Club President and grumpy librarian in residence.”
Mydei shoot Phainon a death glare. The pretty but silent girl with purple hair and a hollowed, lifeless stare opened her mouth first. “Hi Mydei, I’m Castorice from Thanatos High, nice to meet you.”
Next to Castorice, the elegant girl with short blonde hair spoke. Mydei recognized her as the grade representative of the elites, one of his seniors. “Hello, pleased to meet you for the first time. I am Aglaea from Class 3-2. Let’s have fun reading.”
The last person was wearing an eye patch that did nothing to tone down his menacing gaze. “Tsk, you call this a ‘library’? How embarrassing.” Before Mydei could think of a retort, the goth waved his hand nonchalantly. “Name’s Anaxa, from Grove Academy. You should thank me for agreeing to be part of this whatever club because this ain’t no real library. Hopefully this is not going to be a waste of my time.”
Mydei could already picture Anaxa’s face all bloodied and bruised when Phainon coughed and intervened. “Now now, let’s all get along alright? I know we are all big fans of high fantasy so this will be the perfect gathering spot to discuss our shared love for the genre! Yay!”
Mydei gave Phainon’s wrist a violent tug. “If you will excuse us for a moment.” He yanked Phainon away from the group, towards the back entrance of the library. When they were alone, Mydei spoke.
“What’s the meaning of this, Phainon?”
Phainon looked at him, confused. “What’s the meaning of what? I just found us three more members! The minimum requirement for an extra-curricular club is five members, right? Even an exchange student like me knows the rules.”
“Yeah, five students from our school . In case you haven’t noticed, two of them are literally exchange students like you from other neighboring schools and Aglaea – well, I’m sure she’s just here as an informant from the headmaster to keep us all in check.” Mydei tugged on his hair, pacing.
Phainon just laughed in his good-natured way, seemingly unaffected. “Well, isn’t that even better? We’ll all disappear from your sight six months from now when our exchange semester comes to an end. I doubt there’ll be severe consequences since this convergence is only ephemeral.”
We’ll all disappear from your sight six months from now. For some unknown reason, Mydei felt these words tugged at his heartstring in a weird way.
Phainon is only here for six months. His presence is ephemeral.
Why does that make him feel...uneasy? Why should it?
He cleared his throat. “Alright, let’s say you’re right and the school will let us run the club as usual. How did you even meet these people?”
“You’ll be surprised how outsiders bond together when thrown in a foreign environment. We exchange students are very resourceful, you know? We have Discord servers, Telegram channels and everything.” Phainon pulled out his smartphone and swiped through his social media apps. “Trust me, they’re all good people and genuinely interested in what we are doing. Plus, aren’t you afraid of those opportunists that only want to benefit from your status quo? You don’t have to worry about us because we are not tied to this place. We are all here because we want to know the Book Club.” Because I want to know you , Phainon kept that last line to himself.
Mydei was silent. He wanted to ask Phainon what gave him the intellect and confidence to gauge so much information from so little clues, like how he figured out his predicament or why he had deduced pomegranate soda being his favourite drink. But Phainon’s words came back to him in a whisper. We’ll disappear six months from now.
Mydei shrugged. Yeah, why does it matter anyway? Phainon won’t be here for long.
Mydei forced himself to walk back into the library. He deliberately ignored the weight in his footsteps, as if laden with lead.
-
Things began evolving in an organic way that exceeded Mydei’s expectation. He originally expected the club to fall apart just like before, with students gradually stopped showing up or losing interest; however, it seemed Phainon did his research when inviting people to join the Book Club.
They decided on reading the first volume from ‘The Legend of Amphoreus’ and came up with a basic framework of how each session would go: for the first fifteen minutes, it was open-floor discussion about the previous chapters that they were assigned to read for the past week. Then, Mydei would select a short passage from one specific chapter, and the group delved into close reading, highlighting prose that piqued interest or required further examination. Phainon would help Mydei to write down ideas suggested by the members on the whiteboard, drawing thought maps as the group were brainstorming. Before each session ended, members were given a writing prompt based on a keyword or topic from the book.
Slowly but surely, the members started coming together and coalescing. Mydei watched in fascination as Castorice and Anaxa engaged in a heated discussion about the deuteragonist’s action in chapter five:
“He should not have challenged the King to single combat. It served no purpose except to move the plot forward.” Castorice, ever the taciturn, gave her two cents.
“He challenged the King to single combat not for the plot, but because it made perfect sense for his character arc. It highlights the power imbalance between the gladiators and the ruling class and gives momentum to the civil war in later chapters.” Anaxa commented, not even looking up from his Switch. (Mydei learned that ‘The Legend of Amphoreus’ wasn’t only a book, but an entire franchise encompassing graphic novels, anime and video games. Anaxa the chronic gamer addicted to open-world MMO was apparently looped into this whole book club shenanigan because he was a dedicated player of the game.)
Castorice merely gave Anaxa her signature lifeless stare. “You are projecting your own social commentary on the deuteragonist. Fiction should not exist just to serve the author.”
Anaxa huffed. “And you are gravely mischaracterizing the gladiator. Also, fiction has always existed as a form of protest and critique on the real world...”
Meanwhile, Aglaea the over-achiever was working on her fifth page of the writing challenge, much to Mydei’s dismay. “This isn’t an assignment, Aglaea. You don’t need to stress yourself out...” When Aglaea turned towards him with a questioning gaze, Mydei simply excused himself. Who was he to intrude on another book lover’s quest to write an alternate ending for her favorite pairing?
“Surprised, are you?” A familiar presence stood next to Mydei. Phainon handed him another pomegranate-flavored cream soda.
“Yeah.” To say the least. By word of mouth, or some mysterious string-pulling that Phainon did behind his back, the Book Club was slowly growing into an actual community. Mydei looked at the club’s latest addition – three identical triplets with fiery red hair that he could not for the life of him differentiate – making character sketches on the chalkboard. Phainon claimed that he ‘picked up’ those stragglers from the Painting Club because “they seem bored”. Huh.
Mydei surveyed the messy library, at the cramped study tables littered with books and comics and sketches, at the whiteboard filled with doodles and mind maps. He made a mental note to work on a new proposal asking the school for increasing budget on revamping the library: a few more chairs here and there, latest releases to be added to the existing catalogue, and snacks. Lots of snacks. His gaze fell on Aglaea, typing furiously away on her laptop, at Castorice and Anaxa arguing, then at Tribbie snoring on the couch. It was loud, noisy, annoying even...
It felt homely. It felt nothing like the cold and sterile Castrum Kremnos with its vast empty rooms and labs. It – them, they were an alive thing, an organic form that kept evolving and growing every day, spinning out of his control and inflating his husk with so much emotional weight that he felt fulfilled and invigorated in a good way. All because of a random stranger that one day barged into his life, with his insufferable smiles, igniting his colorless world into fiery flames.
Mydei couldn’t help but think how long it would take before this feeling inevitably fades.
-
Midterms were approaching, so all club activities were halted for two weeks. They were almost at the halfway point of ‘The Legend of Amphoreus’, where the plot stopped at the protagonist going into his solo trial to absorb the Coreflame of Strife. The school grew tired of Mydei’s ceaseless pestering and Phainon’s antics to recruit members from questionable sources, so they finally approved a small amount to be dedicated into purchasing more books for the library as well as upgrading some of its outdated amenities, hoping that would put an end to this whole Book Club drama.
A small win was still a win. So, on the day midterm results were released and Mydei saw Phainon again, he made an unexpected move.
“Let’s go out.” Mydei said, his usual face bereft of any emotions.
“Oh? Is the Crown Prince finally moved by my sincere courting and decides to reciprocate?” Phainon wagged his eyebrows. Mydei couldn’t recall the first instance Phainon started calling him that, nicknaming him after the deuteragonist from the novel, and he didn’t bother to correct Phainon because he knew him too well by that point.
He sighed, motioning for Phainon to follow. “Let’s assume that if it pleases you.”
“So it’s a date then! Yay, Mydei is taking me out on a date!” Phainon galloped along like an excited antelope.
“Pipe down a little, will you?” Mydei winced. He wasn’t sure if Phainon was speaking louder than usual to vex him or not; their conversation was turning heads as they sauntered out the school gate. Mydei prayed that he wouldn’t walk into a full-blown rumour tomorrow. “It’s not a date. We’ve come a long way and the Book Club is doing well thanks to you, so I want to treat you to something nice.”
“Nun-uh, don’t care! It’s a date it’s a date!!” Phainon simply proclaimed, loudly. He hooked his right elbow onto Mydei’s left arm. Mydei tried to hide his flush by speed-walking towards the cafe just across the street.
When Mydei returned from using the bathroom, he found that Phainon had already ordered for the both of them: a black coffee for himself, an iced caramel macchiato and thick fluffy blueberry pancakes drizzled with maple syrup for Mydei.
Rather than questioning how Phainon discovered that he was a sweet tooth – at this point Mydei had pretty much given up on trying to justify Phainon and his mysterious sixth sense, he would just describe him as Phainon being ‘Phainon-y’ – Mydei hummed in appreciation. Without further ado, they dug in. Mydei had a high metabolism rate, so he was pretty much hungry all the time; Phainon sipped his black coffee, content to just watch Mydei wolfing down the dessert. He put down his porcelain cup once it’s finished and rested his chin on his palm, gazing at Mydei wordlessly.
Mydei felt unceremoniously self-conscious. He was more used to Phainon’s constant yapping, but his mouth was too full to start a conversation. So, he cut a small piece of pancake, loaded it up with whipped cream and strawberry slices, and lifted the fork to Phainon.
“Open up.”
“Aahhhh-” Phainon complied, gladly chomping down. Mydei was rewarded with Phainon’s signature happy puppy look, his beautiful blue eyes crinkling into half-moons. Deep down, Mydei had a selfish wish to see Phainon like this more often, to reasons he was unwilling to admit to himself. He kept feeding Phainon like that, mouthful of pancakes after mouthful, until the plate was empty. Mydei pushed the iced caramel macchiato across the table towards Phainon where he dutifully sipped from the same paper straw that Mydei was using earlier, and finished the drink.
Outside, the sky darkened and soon began a light drizzle. Mydei’s mind wandered: his gaze traced the rivulets of water trickling down the foggy window. He could hear the faint pitter-patter of rain drops splattering from the roof beams to the ground, muffled by the soft piano ballads the cafe was playing on loudspeakers. Phainon was saying something but it was like his world was on mute. He fixated on the corner of his moving mouth, where a tiny blotch of whipped cream still lingered.
“Mydei...?” Phainon was saying something again. Why did he sound so flustered?
And then Mydei snapped back to himself. He wanted to mutter a half-assed apology, for zoning out in the middle of their hang, when he saw it. His thumb, resting on the corner of Phainon’s lips. It stayed there unmoving, hovering slightly as if in slow motion, as if afraid to break the trance.
Like struck by lightning, Mydei retrieved his hand. He made to wipe his finger on a napkin but instead sucked on his thumb at the last second, licking every bit of whipped cream.
He could practically hear the loud gulp when Phainon swallowed.
When the server cleared away the empty dishes, both guys shuffled in their seats. They knew the meal had come to a close, but none of them was voicing the unspoken thing.
Mydei took something from his backpack that fell on the table with a loud thud. A familiar book with a familiar title. “Wanna do some reading?”
Phainon hummed. “Sure.” Anything. Anything to make this moment last longer.
They were sitting at a booth next to the floor-to-ceiling window, Phainon on one side and Mydei the other; but this position made reading near impossible. So, they re-arranged their coats and backpacks and shoved them all to one side of the booth while Phainon scooted over to sit next to Mydei.
Mydei couldn’t help but steal glances at Phainon. He blamed the proximity of him, their shoulders brushing every time Phainon flipped a page. Mydei could feel Phainon’s body temperature pressing into him, could smell the faint wasp of lemon and mint from the lapels of his freshly pressed uniform, could almost count the number of eyelashes every time Phainon blinked. His gaze lowered to Phainon’s hands: unlike Mydei and his melanin, Phainon was pale like winter’s first fall of snow, his veins easily identifiable; contrary to the delicate features of his skin, Phainon’s fingers were calloused and covered in band-aids, as if he was the hero from the novel constantly grasping the pommel of a sword. He couldn’t stop himself.
“Your hands. They are so battered and bruised.” Mydei took Phainon’s right hand into his own, tracing the health line on his palm. If Phainon’s breath hitched, he pretended not to notice.
“Are you a fortune teller, my prince?” There was mirth in Phainon’s speech; Mydei could hear, not see, his crinkling eyes.
“And you must be my knight in shining armour.” Mydei replied, not missing a beat. “Seeing your fingers are so calloused. Do you play guitar?”
It took two seconds for Phainon to answer, which strike Mydei as odd. “I...used to be a bard in my previous life.”
Mydei stared at him, dumbfounded. “You. A bard.”
Phainon shrugged. “You should have seen me with the banjo. Oh the crowds that I would draw at the fountain plaza!”
Mydei burst out laughing. God, he hadn’t felt like this in a very, very long time. This...pure, undiluted moment of bliss that was almost surreal. It reminded him of his solitary time at the library, buried between the books, only this time he was not alone. Not anymore. “Tell me more about your other lives then, Phainon the bard.”
Playing into it, Phainon cleared his throat and made a flourish of his hands. “Well, in my third reincarnation I was a poet.”
“Mm-hmm. I could see you being absolutely terrible at your craft, but go on.”
Phainon tsked. “The blatant disrespect! I will have you know I am more than capable of composing the greatest love sonnets for the lords and ladies of the court. In my other reincarnation, I was a jester.”
“Ah, that suits you much better. I am sure you have no small amount of party tricks up your sleeve. What about your three-hundred-and seventy-third reincarnation? Let me guess, you must be...an assassin of some sort? A stealth agent?”
Phainon smiled. “Close! I was a samurai. Died a most painful death by the hands of a traitor.”
“Ouch! Must have hurt like hell.” Mydei patted Phainon’s back. During their light banter, the drizzle outside slowly evolved into a downpour. Thunder rumbled from a distance. “What about your most recent one? Your last reincarnation before you ended up here.”
Phainon fell completely silent. He placed the glass of water he was drinking back on the table, and Mydei felt suddenly uneasy. All the hairs on his nape stood up in static electricity. After a long, excruciating period of silence, Phainon finally stirred.
“I...was a hero. An anti-hero. A villain. Or perhaps all three at once, I’m not too sure anymore.” Phainon rubbed the spot between his eyebrows, his voice turning from cheery to sombre. “I was someone who could not save those that he loves.”
Mydei wasn’t sure if they were talking about the book, the make-believe or the reality. Like Phainon, he wasn’t sure anymore, and it unnerved him. He felt like there were invisible shackles around his neck. “Phainon...are you alright?”
Phainon sighed. “Yeah. Just thinking about home and stuff.”
Mydei realized he knew very little of Phainon outside school. “Where are you from? Don’t answer if you feel uncomfortable.”
Phainon offered a bitter laugh. “You probably have never heard of it. It’s a place called Aedes Elysiae.”
Mydei scoured his mind for any fragments of memory that contain the term ‘Aedes Elysiae’. He thought he vaguely remembered a piece of news clipping, from several years ago. “It was an archipelago, no?”
Phainon seemed surprised at Mydei’s reaction. “Yeah...it was constantly torn apart by internal conflict and intrusion from the main continent, so I had no choice but to leave. Even this academic exchange opportunity, I had to leverage some connections to get my hands on a student visa. I’m just a rootless petal, floating where the currents will take me, because I had no home to return to and no place to stay.” There was a distant, nostalgic look in Phainon’s eyes while he was relating his story. Mydei wanted to erase that forlorn identity, wanted to imbue his eyes with light in the same way Phainon did to him, that fateful day when he barged into his library.
But he couldn’t. There was nothing that he could offer that would help Phainon, and that broke him. Still, like a fool, he aimed for the stars.
“You could stay here. With me.” Mydei said under his breath.
Something in Phainon’s eyes shifted then. “Temporarily, maybe. But nothing lasts forever.”
It shouldn’t have affected him that much, but Mydei swore he could feel a slow burning pain started to kindle at his lower abdomen, as if trying to sear a hole open in his stomach. “Where will you go after this?”
Phainon contemplated. “No idea. Where do you suggest?”
Mydei chewed his lips. He thought back to the Book Club and Phainon’s part in it. “You’re good with people, have great organizing skills and passionate about your home country and social participation. You should look into community college offerings, maybe the social sciences or public policy? Or sign up for those youth volunteer programs at the UN or something, I don’t know. At least that way, you might be able to extend your student visa.” Stay. Stay here with me.
Phainon seemed to mull over the thought. He gestured to Mydei. “Enough about me. What about you? What’s the plan after graduation? University? Or taking over daddy’s business?”
Mydei started. “How did you...forget it. You seem to have a hidden cavern of knowledge about me that I have no idea how you manage to acquire.”
Phainon laughed, and it was like his usual self came back and possessed him once more. “C’mon, even you could not be oblivious to the stuff people say about you in school. Coupled with the fact that every time I go to the medicine shop, all I see is the Kremnoan family crest on the products? It doesn’t take a genius to connect the dots.”
Mydei played with the paper straw in his drink, now soggy and sad. “My parents never said overtly about my future. I think I’m still allowed to choose my own major if I elect to go to university; they will probably expect something related to pharmacy though, to prepare me to inherit the business at some point. It’s just...so frustrating and so, so maddening, Phainon. It’s like I am nothing but a pawn in this pre-determined game, a self-fulfilling prophecy waiting to come true.” The downpour was evolving into a thunderstorm, with strong gusts of wind toppling chairs and signs on the patio.
Before knowing it, their hands found each other’s. “If you could be anyone, what would you be?” Phainon asked softly, his gaze gentle on Mydei.
Mydei thought about his books, the time at the library. “I would study history, or anthropology. I want to learn the lives of others, I want to learn the songs and dances of the many civilizations, I want to decipher their languages, admire their art and writings and feel that I was never truly alone.” He shifted his gaze back to Phainon. “Or maybe I will just be the grumpy librarian in the neighbourhood.”
Phainon chuckled. Slowly, as if afraid Mydei would pull away, he leaned in and nuzzled his head on Mydei’s shoulder. He whispered through the fabric of his shirt. “Yes. I think that would be lovely.”
They stayed like that for a while, both content to just listen to the other person’s steady breaths. In, out, in, out. With their hands still entwined, Mydei fiddled with Phainon’s long fingers while Phainon skimmed through ‘The Legend of Amphoreus’, occasionally reading certain sentences out loud to himself.
Out of nowhere, Mydei stood up so fast, so abruptly that his movement jolted their table. His now finished drink toppled over and fell off. The shattering of the glass on the floor split his ears into two.
Phainon looked at him, worry and confusion written all over his face. “Mydei? Mydei are you alright? What’s wrong?”
He must be hallucinating. Had to be. “Say that line again.” His voice came out nothing more than a hoarse whisper.
Phainon blinked. “Which line?”
“The last line. The one you were reading aloud just now.”
Phainon glimpsed through the page. “Oh, you mean when the deuteragonist is parting his best friend?” He located the last line of the paragraph and started reading out loud. “‘The Crown Prince’s face turned wistful. He turned around, one last time.
‘But...if there’s a chance in the next life, you should come visit my library.’”
The rain would never stop. Mydei knew then how it felt like when struck by lightning.
-
Time flew by like quicksand when Mydei was enjoying life. Soon it was finals’ week, and everybody was so stressed and busy that he hadn’t had a chance to convene the Book Club. When he handed in his graduation capstone project, he slept for two days straight; on the third day, he woke up to ten missed notifications from the Book Club’s group chat, and a knock on his bedroom door that revealed his mother’s face.
“I take it that you won’t be going to prom then?” She mused at her son’s disheveled state.
Mydei tugged himself further into the comforts of his blanket. “Like I have someone to go to prom with.”
His mother’s footsteps retreated down the hall. “The suit is at the dry cleaner’s! In case you changed your mind.”
Mydei opened his eyes for two seconds, before squeezing them shut. After tossing and turning for a bit, he rummaged for his smartphone, clicked his messaging app open and checked the ten missed notifications. None of them were from Phainon.
He told himself that it was foolish of him to expect anything. That it was pure folly, to get dressed and stop by the school’s library, as if waiting to see whether someone would show up. That it was hunger, and not anything else, that motivated him to visit the cafe right across the street and order a whole iced caramel macchiato and blueberry pancakes for himself. That it was pure coincidence – and because he was en route anyway – to stop by the dry cleaner and pick up the suit that the family prepared for him.
It was a modest design by Kremnoan standards. The buttoned-down vest had golden flames embroidered into the thick fabric, the sigil of the Kremnoan clan, while the outer blazer was a deep and sophisticated burgundy. Perhaps a bit gauche for a high schooler, but elevated and classy.
And that was how he found himself standing like a socially inept crane amongst a flock of chattering geese, at the periphery of the dance floor, getting drunk on fruit punch while sulking.
Mydei wanted to scream and tear at his face. He was the world’s biggest fool. He was hopeless beyond saving. He should not have come; he felt so out of place amongst his peers, who were either snogging with their summer flings or doing handstands and other type of silly challenges underneath the disco ball. He never felt obliged to observe social customs, so why now? Why couldn’t he just walk it off and pretend he didn’t care just like numerous times before?
“Fuck high school.” He bunched a napkin into a ball and tossed it into the garbage can. The assembly hall was thick with the girls’ perfume; it was getting quite hot in here, so he unbuttoned the collar of his dress shirt and moved towards the patio, hoping to get some air. Before he could get there though, a figure by the flower arch stopped him in his path.
He was wearing white that matched the color of his hair, with navy blue highlights at the cuff links and lapels. Mydei didn’t know whether he should walk towards him or turn around this very instant and run away; his lungs constricted painfully, and he could not breathe.
He stood there, motionless, until the tall figure stopped mere inches from him. Mydei looked into those striking set of azure eyes and thought of the clearest summer skies.
“Found you.” Phainon said, an echo of their first meeting. Mydei thought he could give everything just to see the shape of those crinkling eyes once more.
He felt his throat clogged up. “Took you long enough, idiot.”
Phainon laughed. Oh god, his laugh. The joy swelled within Mydei, and then came the ache.
Phainon pirouetted on the spot and bowed. He kissed the back of Mydei’s right hand. “Will Your Highness accept this dance as my apology?”
Like how he was a pawn to a pre-determined game, like how everything in his life was a self-fulfilling prophecy, Mydei could not have refused even if he wanted to. It was like he was a bystander in this scripted play, his body moving of its own accord; his soul levitated in mid-air as he watched himself being escorted to the dance floor by Phainon, how he placed his left hand on Phainon’s shoulder while Phainon’s right arm came to caress the small of his back. Mydei watched as they swiveled to the slow beats of the waltz, fluttering like a pair of butterflies in the west winds, red mingled with white gold; he gave away autonomy and traded it for synergy, he let go of the surefootedness of being singular and embraced the cacophony of a duet. He immersed himself in the music, in the vertigo motion when Phainon spun and dipped him, and all around him the lights were blinding, and there was Phainon, Phainon, Phainon.
“Let’s ditch prom.” After gods know how many dances when they were thoroughly exhausted and dehydrated, Phainon panted.
Mydei grabbed two cans of pop from the buffet table. “An excellent idea. I know a place.”
They ran up the stairs two flights at a time, Phainon chasing Mydei, giggling like drunk elephants when all they inhaled for the past hour was fruit punch. When they emerged at the rooftop, chests heaving, Phainon gasped.
“I didn’t know the night sky could look so pretty from up here.” He whispered, tilting his head as if trying to absorb all the constellations into his eyes. Mydei was only looking at Phainon.
They found a relatively clean spot and sat down, using Mydei’s blazer as a cushion because he refused to let Phainon spoil his pristine white suit. Phainon looked at the cans of pop Mydei nicked and wordlessly handed him the pomegranate flavored one.
Although there were gauze wire nets around the edges of the platform for safety, it didn’t take away the glory of a thousand stars glittering in the cool midsummer night. Mydei and Phainon sat and chatted aimlessly; about their exams, the Book Club, Mydei’s cat, Phainon’s hometown and weird Kremnoan family traditions. They laughed, drank soda, talked and laughed some more, the flickering stars being their sole audience from heavens above.
Eventually, the music from prom started to fade; night deepened, and temperature started to plummet. Phainon shivered and huddled closer to Mydei; Mydei draped an arm around Phainon’s shoulders, using Phainon’s blazer as a makeshift cloak.
“Can I let you in on a secret?” They were nowhere near drunk, but Phainon’s words slurred.
“Mm-hmm. Whatever my knight in shining armour desires.” Mydei decided to be honest with himself; there was no point in pretending anymore.
He could feel a slight tremble from Phainon’s sleepy form. “I finish the book already. ‘The Legend of Amphoreus’.”
Mydei stirred, slightly surprised. “The first book? The Flame-Chase Journey?”
“Yeah.”
He didn’t ask why Phainon felt compelled to wrap up the book in a hurry, before the rest of the Club got to it. “How was it?”
Phainon mulled over his next answer. “It...it is open-ended. The author left us at a cliffhanger, with the heroes now divided and faced with a dilemma, that –”
Mydei placed his index finger on Phainon’s lips. “No spoilers.”
Phainon breathed, and it tickled Mydei. “Ok”.
Phainon looked really uncomfortable dozing off on Mydei’s shoulder, so Mydei shifted their position so that Phainon was half-sitting, half lying on Mydei’s lap. It was almost midnight when Mydei saw a shooting star flashed across the universe. The world was reduced to a vast canva of silence, engulfing him and Phainon in a cosmic cradle, rocking them both to sleep. Mydei traced comforting circles into Phainon’s scalp.
“The...deuteragonist.” Phainon mumbled. “He died at the hands of the main character. A stab in the back.”
Mydei tried to summon a crooked laugh; all he managed was a croak. “No spoilers, damn you.”
“It was here.” Phainon grasped Mydei’s hand and guided him to his back, tracing down his spine to a specific point, somewhere below the stomach and next to the kidneys.
Mydei exhaled. “The tenth thoracic vertebra.”
Phainon muffled in his sleep. “The tenth...how...why would you know...”
The atmospheric pressure must be really low. Or maybe the celestial portents messed up his sense of bearings. Mydei’s entire world spun around in a slow circle while his ears heard an incessant ringing; when he spoke, his voice was nasal, each utterance taking him great effort. “My family runs a pharmaceutical company, you idiot.”
Phainon stilled in his arms, as if his battery was unplugged and he was rendered into a lifeless corpse. In a moment of panic, Mydei clutched onto him tightly and only visibly relaxed when he felt the steady pulse of his heartbeat, ricocheting through his chest. He wasn’t much of a believer, but for Phainon, he would try. He knelt on the rooftop, so close to heaven while cradling Phainon, and prayed to all the known and unknown gods out there to grant them a moment of mercy.
Please , he begged.
Phainon was murmuring in his sleep again, his voice too soft of a whisper. Mydei leaned down, his own lips almost brushing Phainon’s, before he caught a whisp of Phainon’s broken pleas.
“Don’t...
Don’t go...Mydei.
Don’t go where I can’t follow.”
He...he couldn’t do this anymore. Mydei covered his mouth with both hands, stifling his scream, until the wailing beast inside him was caged and tamed down into a pitiful whimper, which he buried in his fists. He tilted his head up, so that his tears would trickle down his neck, down his clavicle until they reached the pits of his stomach, leaving a scorching trail of tattoo as they went, instead of falling on Phainon’s sleeping form. Mydei forced his body to remain still even as seismic waves ripped him apart from particle to particle. His eyes were prickly and swollen; he felt ten thousand stones weighed on his rib cage. He could not breathe through his nose, he could not breathe through his tightly sealed lips, he could not breathe at all.
While Phainon slept, Mydei imploded.
-
Mydei was the only person at the airport, because Phainon insisted to keep his actual departure date a secret from the rest of the Book Club.
“I can’t handle all that sniffling and crying. I already have you to deal with.” Phainon smiled, grasping his passport in one hand and his carry-on in another.
Mydei huffed. “As if I will cry.” He was fooling no one though, from the way he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, his gaze darting everywhere except focusing on Phainon. Even with weeks of mental preparation, when the moment arrived, it was still extremely difficult.
It shouldn’t be this hard. It was only just a chance encounter in a high school library, just a casual conversation. Just a book club. Just a dance. Just six months.
When Mydei looked up, he saw those crystalline blue eyes, and all the things that didn’t make sense before suddenly revealed their meaning. All the missing puzzles fell into place. All the stars aligned into perfect symmetry.
It was just Phainon and Mydei. It was everything.
Phainon handed him something. “This belongs to you. Keep it safe.”
Mydei took the copy of ‘The Legend of Amphoreus’ from Phainon. “Thank you. I will.”
“Finish it, will you? I promise the open ending isn’t half bad.” He winked, and Mydei thought back to the first time they met, how Phainon winked and blew him a flying kiss. His lips curled upwards at the fond memory.
The broadcaster announced the final boarding call. Nobody moved first, but the next thing they knew they were entangled in a mix of messy limbs, Mydei holding onto Phainon’s shirt, Phainon’s arms, Phainon.
“In the next life...no, in every life before and every life after, I would have loved to be your hero, fighting side by side with you.” Phainon whispered into Mydei’s ear.
“Phainon...” Mydei breathed. “Have we...”
Have we met before? Have we always known each other, profoundly, like this?
Have we always loved each other?
He didn’t get a chance to vocalize all of that though, as Phainon broke their embrace and started walking towards the boarding gate. Before he disappeared, he turned around and gestured to the book Mydei was holding.
Open-ended story.
Mydei could barely make out the shape of Phainon’s words just by the movement of his lips.
‘See – you – again’
And then he was gone. Like the west winds that used to caress Mydei’s cheeks, like he had never existed.
“You...idiot...” Mydei exhaled and felt the pinpricks of the first tears.
Open-ended story, huh? He wasn’t much of a believer, but for Phainon, he guessed he had no option but to try.
“Yeah.” He turned around and started walking. “I’ll see you again, Phainon.”