Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Fire's duality is quite amusing.

Logically, it's dangerous, chaotic—a combustion. A pinch of this chemical reaction could change lives forever; burn cities down, destroy everything at its pace. 

Even when fire is not directly involved, an excessive quantity of heat can cause enough damage to dissolve existence of any kind. 

And smoke; extensive, boundless clouds capable of suffocating a whole ecosystem, asphyxiating every creature who dares to distract itself from the pouring fog threatening to settle down into their lungs. 

Yeah, the one who plays with fire must be an idiot. 

Still, even an idiot can see there's more to fire than just… Destruction. 

Fire has oxygen in it—essential to live, to exist.

Fire brings warmth, light, energy, and it has the potential to create so many things. Metals can be shaped. It brings energy into bodies frozen by their environments. Animals can come back to life, awakened by their hibernation. Bones can detangle themselves from the stony hand of cold.

Flowers bloom under their soft touch. Life is held lovingly till it can hold itself up on its own.

Fire is beautiful, powerful, and… inspiring. 

So inspiring. 

There's something in the way it flows, waving flames dancing around its plasmic form. Sparks—bundles of its energy reaching out to connect—start something new.A piece of art in the right hands… 

If only the right hands weren't immobilized by such scenery—bitter, vengeful inferno over the daunted tenderness of wishes, memories, and laughs: Fleecy, eye-catching velvet turning in nothing but ashes. 

Fire tends to sway over the most precious things…It's versatile—a graceful dancer. An expert in enticing the eyes with its fickle charm, bringing a flicker of its touch can gather life, or it can decide to start anew. Dangling fumes disperse around the wicked forests. Clear out the souls invading its space till there’s nothing more than a drawing board. 

“Ya okay there, buddy?”

Ekko came back to reality thanks to Scar's voice. He gave him a side look before moving his sight back onto the bonfire. “Yep. So far so good.”

He could feel him staring, maybe wondering how much truth was in those words.

“Alright. Just checking.” Scar tossed him a beer, opening another one for himself. “You took a big step today, Ekko. I'm proud of ya.”

There it was, his 'big brother' voice. Ekko smiled softly—It's been a while since he heard it… Well, just a few weeks—a month, more or less. 

A snort flew away from his mouth. “Stop, man; you sound like a dad.” 

“I'm being honest. Few boxes locked in the treehouse, the blanket on fire; this is way more than I thought you would do in a day, and I want you to acknowledge it. It's gonna take a while, but you're on the right track.” 

Who needs therapy when this man is on the field? 

“Thanks.”

Regardless of the awkward feeling Scar's attention was giving him, Ekko meant his words to the bone. His friend allowed himself to be drawn into Ekko's madness for the whole day, and instead of judging his behavior, he only helped. He carried boxes, gathered some wood for the bonfire, and bought beers so they could transform this depressing day into a not-so-heavy day in the forest. 

If they ignore the fact that Ekko was trying to get rid of half of his life, it was kinda working. 

The bonfire was slowly dying, succumbing to the cold, darkness of the night. They'd been here for a while, just listening to the water flowing down the river, the birds chirping, the crisp of the flames… and laughing. Ekko has been hearing laughs all day long. 

Some are cute and sweet, like the games he used to play as a kid, the times he sneaked out of middle school to go to the park, and the night he threw a paint bomb at one of his high school proms.

Some others, however, were lull and enticing; charming, tempting echoes of what once was an act of love, an expression of how much a person can be to another—a forever, an always, an illusion. 

And the ones in the corner of his head were just there, making fun of old jokes and memories. 

It was… Painful. Horribly, heart-achingly painful.

But it wouldn't last. Pain is not forever; at some point, it has to disappear, and if not, he would extinguish it himself. 

He would never hear those laughs again. Not ever. Not after today. 

It's been enough. 

“ 'Kay, last bonfire's minutes. Anything you want to get rid of?”

Without hesitation, Ekko took off the braided, dark-greenish nylon cord from his neck. The thing had been living in there for eons—a constant reminder of where he used to belong, of how his self would always be incomplete.

He caressed the delicate, half-arrow-shaped quartz—a beautiful, clear piece, resilient to give up despite its age. Stunning even with its few scratches and useful… As useful as a prism can be. 

The piece in his hands caught a glimpse of the dying flame, transforming the chaotic dance of fire into a psychedelic, vivid yet tiny rainbow. 

The colors splashed all over his face, blinding him briefly, leaving him stunned. 

What are you waiting for? 

Do it. 

Do it. 

It's easy.

Just let it go. 

Burn the rainbow. 

Why would you like to keep it anyway?

But Ekko held it tighter. He couldn't do it. It was cruel to toss the rainbow into the fire just because he hated the colors in it.

A sigh came out from his mouth, “I…”

Scar tapped him on the back, trying to give him support. “There's no rush for this stuff. If you can't do it now, you'll always have tomorrow.”

Who says he’ll do it tomorrow?

No one said this would be easy, Ekko knew that for sure. It wasn't easy the day it happened, and it isn’t easy now. 

He knew no matter how much he tried to bury all the love, smiles, and giggles, a part of her would always be with him… 

Is it so bad that he wants to keep the prism as a reminder of it? 

It hurts, and it'll keep hurting tomorrow, and the day afterwards, forever—and there's nothing he can do. 

Perhaps, the only thing he can do is try to make eternity last less than forever. 

He can also hope for the pain to stop.

“I hope you're right,” Ekko mumbled. “Wish I could do it now, tho.”

The prism went back to Ekko's neck on the night of June 29th and never left its place again. 

Chapter Text

 A directionless magnet will wander till it clicks with its other—a connection between two not-so-opposite poles. Something attaches them, yet it keeps them apart. The poles know each other, yes, but it's not enough to create a connection— not on purpose. 

It just happens.

Chaos Theory, maybe.

•~•~•

Now on channel 7, today's date is remembered as–

The running water from the sink drowned out the TV's voice almost completely, not exactly an inconvenience. News are everywhere nowadays. Ekko had always preferred to read the news on a professional website or watch it on television, but of course, escaping those summarized and dramatized TikTok videos was almost impossible. 

It was a lazy Monday morning, late in the summer, with hummingbirds in the gardens and a scorching sun despite the early hour—more of a reason to feel sleepy and distracted, to scroll on TikTok while brushing his teeth.

Sometimes the things you don't want to see horde together on your For You page like a flock.

Today's Silco's Remembrance Day!

Revolutionary Businessman Silco has been dead for two years!!!

The Self-made man Silco and his contributions to–

The man had a massive king-size fortune, and because of it, he got carved in eternity. Seems like no one remembers why he had so much or what it took him to achieve it—all the people he dragged into the pit without regrets.

Ekko closed the app. Today was going to be a no-phone day. 

After packing his lunch in his backpack, Ekko dragged his skateboard out and started his usual school-day routine.

A soft, salty-humid breeze hugged his skin the moment he left his house—a small, emaciated, one-floored studio apartment the government gave him once he turned eighteen. 

His neighborhood wasn't dazzling or pretty. Because it was mostly occupied by low-budget students or people with financial problems, attractiveness was not part of the neighborhood's description, yet it had something. Something calming, natural—courtesy of a small, yellow-greenish grass pond right in front of his door and the five-minute proximity to a majestic lagoon, which allowed small plants to bloom.  Although, because of the scorching, hell-like summer weather, the lagoon was utterly, hopelessly dry.

Besides the occasional bump in the road after the first right turn, some sparks of ephemeral beauty blinded his view briefly—the small garden growing next to the lagoon, the gigantic semi-dried palm trees, or those buttermilk yellow flowers growing wildly out of the ground.

There was a classic charm in roaming around this perennial city, a place so forgotten by everyone in such a way that even its name had been erased from the memory—isolated, outside the map, fighting so hard against the inevitable. 

Not so long ago, half of the city was agonizing, drowning in the waters of corruption—a never-ending violence cycle. Ekko's hometown used to be coated with a thick soupy fog. The beach was covered in trash and rotten fauna in its corners, allowing the land to try to digest it.

Destiny wanted this forgotten place to end as a garbage dump.   

However, the will to live flowed in the air, cutting through the fog and blooming like flowers on the ground. It was still a work in progress, but now everything was different, and it was beautiful.

Ekko's trip from his house to school is exactly thirty-two minutes—when he's using his skateboard. 

After seventeen minutes and a few turns, the changes in the city are noticeable. The university resides in the upper side, the topside, if we must. It's greener, crystalized, colorful; no dry lagoons, no bumpy and broken streets, or withered leaves. 

A work in progress indeed, not the fairest one, though.

Like any other day, Ekko arrived at the university at 7:45 am. It's usual, natural, always early; always ahead of time—that's his thing. Ekko never runs out of time, never late for anything.

Well, not anymore. 

While enjoying the tropical beauty of the palm trees and green bushes around UCSB’s campus, Ekko stopped at the cafeteria for an Earl Grey cup before heading to the first floor of the main campus, where his usual duties began. 

More than a student, Ekko was a university employee; he was part of the Center for Students with Disabilities, which helps students with special needs through their classes and other extracurricular activities. Professor Talis was the head of the program, usually offering advice online, due to his schedule, plus a detailed description he had given the week before returning to school.

Because of this, the morning staff were always by themselves. At 8:00 am. The office was quiet and cold, matching the white, dull walls and chirpy lights, which only made watching the TV in the corner an Olympic event. Only Ekko was there—no sounds, no phone, no TV. Just him, his tea, and some paperwork. His coworker was supposed to be there too, but, ah, that little whirlwind always runs into trouble.

The loud crash of the door against the wall echoed through the room. “Ekko! Oh, Ekko, honey, you will not believe what just happened to me!”

A chuckle escaped from his lips. “What now, Lux?”

Ah, Lux, the human representation of a bright, shiny sky. A total sweetheart. A social butterfly. A fashion icon. Always jumping up and down, making friends, enchanting people with her beautiful, catchy southern accent—which only pops when she's really excited. 

“Saw this cute honey lamb fall right in front of the bus stop, dropping all his books. Oh, poor thing! You should've seen his eyes! Luckily, I was there. Right moment at the right time.” 

Sometimes when she talks, things seem a bit exaggerated than the actual truth. Still, a conversation with Lux was always a delight.

“The light of our lives to the rescue,” Or a broken lamp, the girl was crazy. “Hey, what time is your first class?”

“In an hour, honey. Gives me time to drop by the cafeteria and get some coffee.”

Ekko snorted, almost coughing from the tea on his throat. “Your fucking drinks are not coffee.”

A honey-hazelnut coffee with ten ounces of sugar, rainbow sprinkles, and extra whipped cream cannot be called a coffee. A glucose strike, maybe. 

Lux gaped, offended. “My coffee has personality,” she claimed. “It tastes like magic.”

“Sure, honey.” Every time this topic comes up, his sugarless tea tastes like heaven - a healthy heaven. “If you keep drinking that unicorn's blood every day, you'll end up in a hospital.”

“But you'll go visit me, right?”

“… Do I have to?”

“Well, duh. What's the point of being SCBFFEEWE if you don't go?” 

“Yeah, I guess you have a point.”

SCBFFEEWE means super-coworkers-best-friends-forever-and-ever-even-if-the-world-explodes; it's clear as the ocean.

“So, why are we here in this boring silence? Turn on the TV! Let's watch the PowerPuff Girls or something!”

“Ah, Lux, wait–”

The people in Paris are leaving flowers outside Silco's manor in his honor, showing–

“Whoops! Wrong channel.”

Former Parisian Counselor Silco is being remembered because of his innovative contributions to–

“Land sakes! Where's the cartoons?”

Though his fortune was immense, it remains frozen in safety because no one's there to claim it, not even his daugh–

Lux turned off the TV and hid the remote on the desk. Her face was pink-tinted, proof of her embarrassment.

“Sorry, didn't know it was a no-TV day.” She sat in front of him on the small table, calm voice, no exaggerations. “How are you feeling?”

How was Ekko feeling? 

Like rage and sadness had collided in his brain and spread all over his body.

Silco was more than a powerful counselor or a millionaire. Silco was a scum, a horrible criminal, an inhumane creature with no regrets or heart. A traitor. Mere trash. 

He was the representation of what Ekko could have and lost—family, love, all kinds of it. 

On top of that, every decision he made affected Ekko's beliefs one way or another—polluting the planet, corrupting teens and adults, forcing innocent people to move away just because if they don't adapt, they have to stand aside.

It was not fair how the man was treated like a hero in life and death when he left nothing but destruction at his wake. 

The result of Silco's action destroyed two out of the three pieces of his broken heart. 

The third piece? That one was shattered not for Silco but for someone heavily related to him—a beautiful, daunting curse, a bittersweet memory.

So, when Lux asked him how he was feeling, Ekko was very tempted to be cruelly honest with his friend. However, knowing how much she loves the beginnings of semesters, it felt selfish to drag her into his personal struggles.

“Like a ray of sunshine.” Yeah, sounds accurate. “I mean, as long as I don't see his fucking face for the rest of the day, I'll be okay.”

But Lux had her well-known cunning spark crystallizing her blue-sky eyes—the one who shines the most when someone's lying, as if saying you're not fooling anyone, darling. 

“I'll let it go just for today, but next time we hang out, you'd better spill all the tea. It's unhealthy to keep it all to yourself.”

“You already know what happened, the whole story.”

“I know, but it's always fun to talk shit about Silco,” She sighed dramatically. “I feel bad for him sometimes, you know? The man was a visionary. He had a great idea, in theory, but such bad execution ended up in disaster—innocent people becoming homeless, over-exploitation, corruption, addictions… The man would've been great if he had focused on something good instead of nicotine and tobacco.”

His tea suddenly turned arctic cold, felt like thorns on his tongue—like broken glass. “We'd only suffer if we keep wondering what could've been,” Even with glasses and thorns, Ekko finished his tea. “It's a waste of time.”

~•••~

Lux 7:45 pm.

Family night+me at the Sushi House 

7:45 pm.

Want to join us???

No matter how much Lux tried to let Ekko be by himself for the rest of the day, she was still worried. Even now, long after school, she couldn't leave him alone.

Deep down, Ekko was grateful for having a friend like her. 

You 7:46 pm.

Nah, you guys have fun.

He bit his lip, feeling like he had to explain himself before Lux offered to bring the whole gang to him.

7:46 pm.

Imma finish a drawing I've been working on 

7:46 pm.

Take care of Scar

7:47 pm.

:)

The answer popped almost immediately.

7:48 pm.

Oki oki :))) 

7:48 pm.

Don't forget your watch :p

On a daily basis, he would've listened to Lux's advice. After all, the gal is very aware of how Ekko takes care of his time—How much he loves to keep on track of what he can control. 

Although there was someone who never liked to see him all stressed because of something he could never domaine; arguing how time was constantly changing, fast and slow, stretching a bit and a lot—like a rubber band, she always said he would end up crazy with his obsession over something so… wild. He should've known she was right. 

That little menace was an expert on time—the only person Ekko had ever seen to play with it as if it was nothing but mere origami—unfolding it, spinning it, stopping it. 

She never liked to take care of hours or seconds. Unimaginable as it is, running out of time wasn't in her vocabulary—it never was. 

For the sake of the memory, Ekko left his watch on his nightstand, along with his phone. 

After packing everything in his bag and preparing the old, bitter Walkman for the trip—and the headphones he proudly found in a thrift store—Ekko grabbed his bicycle and started his way to the coast. 

It was a short ride to his 'secret' spot, a giant rock next to a bushy, greenish tree a few meters over the beach. The golden hour—when the sun melted on—offered a stunning, breath-hitching panorama; pouring a hypnotic, honey-amberish hue over the waters. 

It's always been nice how the sun, water, and music interwoven together into a whole, wonderful, disarray. More than an example of how beautiful nature can be, it was a chaotic yet nostalgic experience to simply be there.

Ocean is not supposed to look like tangerines. 

Yet there it was, going against everything. 

Such a rebellious spectacle did nothing but entice Ekko, who inadvertently fell in love with it, making it his muse, asking for inspiration when he needed it the most.

Golden hour had a reckless personality, though. Some days it would beg him not to give up on what he wants, to follow his dreams and live his hopes. But then, there were moments when it was just screaming, buzzing his ears with diabolical whispers, forcing him to remember how fragile he was. 

You're not fooling anyone.

You weren't enough. 

Nonetheless, he kept going anyway, understanding completely why Golden hour was so bitter sometimes. 

Something very special, just as beautiful, tends to catch Ekko's attention all the time and play with it with a virtuoso's confidence and charm. 

The blue hour. 

Blue, 

Blue, 

Oh so blue. 

Blue as a Neptune, as a sapphire, as a poisonous frog. 

When Ekko goes to his secret spot to get inspired, he uses the gold in nature to finish what he's doing—to find the perfect lighting, the mayhem his drawings need to stop being so dull. 

When the blue hour begins, the music fades, the air becomes cold, and everything just… stops. 

Blue brings with it all the things he lost. All he has and all he feels. It makes him feel empty—a hollow shell of himself. It makes him so overwhelmed and brittle because there's so much inside of Ekko, but he can do nothing but swallow it—bury it, hide it in his old treehouse with the rest of his painful wounds; his lovely memories.

It makes him feel weak– No. Ekko is weak. Utterly pathetic and fragile. Weak, weak, weak. He had always been weak. 

Weak for blue. 

The vehemently hidden image amongst the tips of his fingers was somewhat familiar, not as a friend, but clearly a face worth remembering —a girl with angelic features and sugary freckles, bold, long lines dancing around a round face, thin lips toying with a childish smile, and breathtaking eyes. A presence as comforting as burdensome. No color, just gold. 

Usually, she visits him in dreams and stays with him for a while—a good talk between them and a ton of laughs. In his mind, he called her Infanta* simply because her image lauded royalty. There were no words– no. There was no name to describe her better.

Ekko shook his head and looked at his drawing again. As pretty as it looked, it was dull. Boring. 

It needs color; he knows for sure it's just that Ekko doesn't have the exact shade he wants to use. He can't buy it. 

He doesn't remember what color her eyes were. 

Even a pencil or a brush can experience memory loss from time to time. It used to be simple, so simple, to capture her essence inside the small, lugubrious walls of an unfit paper prison—all her soft, delicate, and wild factions perfectly trapped in the colorless eternity of a canvas; a place Ekko was forcing her to stay—unfair, unsuitable, worthless. 

It was simple, so simple, to capture her, but… the eyes—the window of the soul—were blurry and hollow—the constant proof of an absence, of her absence. 

What if– Would it be bad to fill the blank with a different color?…

Time cut through his inattention. The golden hour was gone, taking all the light with it. 

Now it was just Ekko.

Ekko and blue.

~•••~

At lunch break on Wednesday, Ekko still hadn't finished his drawing.

He had carried it with him for the past few days, haunting himself because he couldn't figure out how to paint it.

Maybe, just maybe, the inspiration might come in the comfort of his routine. Perhaps it was hidden in his food—in the spaghetti-lookalike cheese and the Froot Loops on top of it. Or, maybe it was hidden in the tedious, stressful sound Lux had been making for half an hour. 

A whiny, exaggerated sigh. It was driving him crazy. 

“What?” 

“Nothing, darlin',” she said, playing with a pencil. “Life's sweet as an apple.”

Ekko huffed before continuing with his lunch. No matter how sad he felt, this snack always cheered him up; one of the few things he treasured the most since childhood. A– 

Lux exhaled again, right before he was going to take another bite.

Ekko could feel his left eye twitching. He dropped his fork. “Lux, I swear to God if you don't stop that, I'll kick you out of here as fast as a speeding train.” She never liked it when he mimicked her accent; Ekko knows it's for jealousy—nothing beats up more than an expert.

But Lux ignored him with another sigh, dragging herself to his table. “Ekko, oh, Ekko. You poor thing. Having a cafeteria so close to you. Having DoorDash on your phone…” Fake tears were dancing in her eyes, her lip trembling, “And you're eating that-that monstrosity!”

Oh, here we go again.

Ekko dropped his fork, trying to mimic her drama, too, “Really?–”

“That utterly heinous piece of–”

“What's wrong with my lunch?”

“You can't call that a lunch.”

Oh, but the fucking unicorn's blood can be called a coffee. 

Sheesh, talk about double standards.

“You don't want me to be happy, do you?” 

“No one can be happy eating that. Seriously, how can you even think– Oh…” 

The moment her eyes locked in his drawing, Ekko covered with his hands like a kid hiding his mess. 

“What'cha have in there?”

“Nothing,” he mumbled, all sweaty. “Hey, let's get some coffee; I'll try your favorite.”

But Lux now had a goal, and even his sacrifice would not be enough to change her mind. 

“I most definitely will buy you one after I see that pretty little drawing you have.” Her eyes were basically sparkling. “Why'd you wanna keep it as a hush-hush?”

“Ah…”

Because Lux will scold him for hours, same way Scar does—although she is way nicer than Scar—then both of them will tell him how sick of him they are, how his life is falling into madness, and how nothing is ever going to change if he doesn't allow himself to do so– Or that's what Ekko was scared of. 

One day, his friends will grow tired of him, and those small notes about his behavior will grow and grow, like poison ivy. Until they decide he's far beyond repair. Until they abandon him. 

Then they would be drawings, like the one in his hands. 

His friend gave him a simple, reassuring smile while extending a hand to him. “If I didn't know how to keep a secret, we wouldn't be friends.”

The phrase was an echo to the past—to the first time she caught him drawing. It was enough to break Ekko's fear. 

He handed his sketchbook to her and carefully observed her reaction. Lux was analyzing every crease of it—her brows frowning, her eyes locked in the lines, yet her mouth kept the sweet smile from before. 

“Huh, you gave her choppy bangs this time,” she said to the air. “I like the other one better—the one with the French bangs—It goes better with her face.”

“Probably but…” I don't know how she looks now.

Fuck. Even thinking about it was hard.

Lux didn't push the topic; instead, she giggled. “Always long hair.”

She had it like that. She liked it that way. All down to her waist; dark and shiny—like crow feathers. 

“And those eyes, oh my!” Her eyes rolled in an exaggerated, dramatic way, “Baby Powder must be so flattered—wherever she is.”

Baby Powder, heh… Funny how she has a bunch of different names, like the colors of a chameleon. 

Ekko's favorite? Doesn't matter anymore.

But the young woman he drew, she wasn't Powder, probably; Ekko hadn't drawn her in years. The Infanta was not supposed to be Powder or… not too much; the drawing was too… immaculate. 

Lux knew who the name belonged to because of the drawings he had made, because of an obvious resemblance through all his paintings and drawings. They never met in person, never saw a picture of the other. Still, Ekko was sure Lux could identify Powder like a needle in a haystack regardless of how any of his art was entirely the owner of that name, or the other; but that's a different topic.

He hadn't drawn her in years. It couldn't be her; it shouldn't be; it was not supposed to be, but... Well, Powder had always found a way to crawl back into his life—no matter how much he tried to push her away. 

Ekko used to be the one always looking for her, always trying to drag her closer… sometimes he still does.

“That's it? No 'Ekko stop'? No claims or complaints? No harsh criticism of my behavior?”

“No.” And it sounded like the sweetest plea. “Ekko, sweetie, it's okay if you miss her now and then.” She held his hands tightly, warming them up. “We can't deny the importance of some people in our lives—the impact they had on us. And Powder? Honey, she was your oxygen! Heaven knows that.” 

What an awful comparison. 

If Powder were oxygen, it means Ekko hadn't been alive for years. How could he? Humans can't live without it. Zombies do, but that's not what he is. He's a human, with a heartbeat and a soul, but it's all… numb. It's been that way for a long time.

Huh, kinda like a zombie look-alike. A living death, a ghoul, a soulless man without human qualities, with the inability to breathe. 

Ekko missed breathing; he missed it so much.

No food nor drawing will supplant his necessity for breathing. No desperate crawl to his childhood years would bring back what was taken out of his hands. 

Not just Powder, he'd lost more. 

So much more. 

~•••~

The usual morning shift ended at 1:00 pm., allowing Ekko and Lux to be free to go wherever the wind takes them. The evening/night shift was nice people; a red-headed girl named Eve and her friend Gert—a punk, black-haired woman; the only one of them who wasn't a student but a pasantee looking for experience for her resume. Usually, the night comes and the day goes; a mere 'hi' and a 'good luck' between them. But, instead of falling into the routine, Ekko and Lux received an unexpected visit. Announced only by the tap, tap, tap echoing from the other side of the door. The university was a hundred-year-old building; of course, they could hear everything through the wounded door.

Slow as a snail, Professor Talis revealed himself with a squeak— courtesy of the ol' sweet office. The man was glowing. He gave his pupils a puzzled look, maybe because he was expecting them to be working.

His pupils were playing Jenga. 

“The tower hadn't fallen. Good job.” His arms crossed, darkening his aura and showing a perfect view of the daring spark in his eyes. “Should I go and come back when you finish? Or are you guys going to take your jobs seriously?” He was trying to scold them; he was really trying, but there was something in him that crooked his facade.

It's odd for him to be here at the center. Professor Talis is always onto something; either a high-ranking university issue, imparting classes, working on his research with Professor Viktor, or sniffing around Professor Medarda—Mel Medarda. If he came here on a regular Wednesday to talk to them—and possibly the evening shift, too—something must be going on. 

Ekko smiled while making the wrong movement, dropping the tower. “There goes my life as an architect.”

“We had some free time after classes,” Lux added with her serious yet cheerful tone. “Everything's on track. We haven't had any students for the past two days, but we'll stay positive. We're in the first week, after all.”

And that's how Lux's magic worked. Five seconds with the little sunshine, and all annoyance and anger just vanish. Now, Professor Talis was showing his glamorous, commercial-like smile —a well-known characteristic of his, not for nothing, as he was the modern face of the university and everybody's crush… or at least Lux's.

“Glad to hear.” He took a seat at the same table as them, elbows resting next to the Jenga pieces. “Listen, as long as we're keeping the good mood in the center, I've got some news for my golden team.” From his pocket, Talis pulled paper and a pen out. “You didn't hear this from me, but we're going to have two students who will need as much help as we can give 'em.” The doodles in the paper were taking form at the pace of his words. “A girl who broke both hands in an accident—she'll need a notetaker, and of course, our dear starlight could help with it. Nothing cheers someone up better than a pretty handwriting.” 

Ekko looked briefly at his friend, who seemed eagerly thrilled. However, he didn't know if it was for the compliment or the fact that she finally would have something to do, maybe both. 

“And you, our personal genius. We'll finally put all that sign language knowledge of yours to the field.”

Ekko locked his focus on his professor, mesmerized by the topic. Lux nudged his shoulder, drowned in happiness. “You're kidding, right?”

“I'm certainly not. A new student enrolled this semester. He can hear without problems, but he's unable to talk.” Talis scratched the back of his head. “I– I don't know why he has this condition, but we need to make him feel confident about his environment. I know he can handle most of the classes on his own, but I heard he'll be enrolled in Speech for the first semester. Professor Medarda would be his teacher, and you know how Mel– I mean, Medarda is sometimes.”

Of course, Ekko knew, he had her for Speech in his first semester. Mel Medarda was like a double-edged dagger when it comes to teaching: an excellent, understanding teacher and a fucking, annoying, pain in the ass. Black and white. No gray. No middle point. 

Still, the idea of helping someone in a field that Ekko considers himself some kind of an expert in made him feel all bubbly; nothing like the monotonous sadness he had carried around all week. 

“I'll look forward to it,” He assured. “And I'll do my best to help this guy survive Professor Medarda, or any other class he might have trouble with.”

“We both do,” Lux spoke, her accent dancing in the corner of her voice. “School's gonna be as easy as apple-pie for these ankle-biters. Just relax and let us do our magic.”

“Yes, of course. I'll be here on Friday just to check everything goes as smoothly as possible.” Talis looked around the office with a twitch in his mouth. “Let's try to make this place more… welcom-y. I'll bring cookies—we can make some sort of welcome party!”

“Yes! Oh, here's a lot we need to prepare! Music, food, we need some glitter for sure…”

Blaming their sunshine personality for this plan might be the most logical option, yes, but there's also something else—the only thing Professor Talis makes sure everyone on his staff knows. 

Life isn't fair; it never has been. Sometimes school can look overwhelming, but that's why this center is here: To help, to give a push, a friendly smile, and a reminder that nobody has to deal with their struggles by themselves. 

Everybody is different and beautiful in their own way.

And, you know, asking for help is always a good idea.

Ekko joined their conversation, feeling a gravitational force pulling him into their happy, colorful space. 

“Do we have any names we can work with?”

“Sorry, kid. Counselor Elora has their files in strict confidentiality. We won’t know until Friday.”

~•••~

Wednesday evening dissolved as Ekko was dragged by Lux through the city, searching for everything she might need for Friday. 

“I'm thinking of caramel apples, whatcha think? I hope they're not allergic… You know? I should get some cucumbers just in case—we can eat 'em with cream cheese, oh, with chamoy and limes!”

Yes, they've basically been to every grocery store in the area. Luckily, Lux brought her car, or else their quest would've lasted until midnight. 

By nine o'clock, Ekko was already home. He was not going to cook anything for the little gathering. Instead, Lux asked him to design a top-notch sign so that they could hang it on the wall. He committed to the idea, of course. 

Ekko brought everything he might need with him, which consisted of a banner and a lot of yellow-goldish paint—the rest of the materials were already in his place. 

Almost all of his Thursday became a duality between practicing signs in front of the mirror and the banner. Although it became exhausting at some point around midday, the way everything was unfolding kept him going. There was something in the honey-like 'Welcome' letters, in the fluffy bunnies who jumped into the sign and stayed there, who made him feel… confident, calm, joyful.

Ah, the beauty of memories. 

However, practicing was making him anxious. 

It's been a while since he used sign language to communicate. Of course, the fact that this guy could hear him gave him some relief, but there was still a lot to do. Whatever loose ends, Ekko had to fix them; that's what he's good at. Perhaps he cannot control what other people can do, but he can control what he'll be doing—always with a plan, always ahead of any mishap. There'll not be awkward silences or misunderstandings, no, no. Not in his guard. Not if he can avoid it.

His face had to be expressive, his hands concise and clear. He'd tried to create a script with the most common questions for school, but everything ended with a poor Ekko in front of the mirror practicing how to introduce himself.

“Hi, I'm Ekko. I'll be your interpreter for as long as you need it.” 

“Hi! Nice to meet you, I'm Ekko.”

“Spelling my name is kinda weird in sign language; took me like a week to memorize it.” 

“I've been practicing since I was fourteen. It all started with a small program in middle school.”

He stopped once all the talking started to feel like too much, making him feel a little crazy. 

By the end of the day, Ekko couldn't sleep; there was so much noise around him—The tic-tac of the clock, the clang, clang of the leaking water against the sink, and the chug, chug inside of his head. His mind decided it was a good night to prepare himself for a thousand scenarios where everything could be possible, right or wrong. All kinds of thoughts running inside of him, falling down the stairs like marbles. 

It pissed him off. It fucking pissed him off because we wanted to sleep, he needed to sleep. 

Stupid brain. 

When his patience expired, around 3:15 am, Ekko decided it was enough. He tried all the tricks he knew—a product of the experience of living with this problem more than he was supposed to. Warm milk, relaxing music, walking around like a fucking goblin, taking deep breaths. None of them worked. 

At the end, completely exhausted, Ekko gave up and took one of the sleeping pills he kept hidden in the kitchen drawer. There was a personal goal to stop using them, but this was a desperate measure for a desperate cause. 

He'll try not to use them tomorrow. 

It took some time for the pills to kick in. In his attempt to fall asleep faster, Ekko tried to make himself as comfortable as possible, took a few deep breaths, again, and focused his mind on something happy and calm. He thought of his old house, his Dad, his former life, and his friends. He thought of a pretty smile, a pitch-black night, and fireflies dimming and glowing in all their glory.

He thought of the colors of a rainbow, which had the last colors all smashed against the other in a weird, odd splash. 

He thought of blue, silver, and gold.

Huh…

Were they green or blue?

Chapter Text

It's horrifying to think that everything a human learns can dissolve in the mind if it's not constantly remembered. 

Depending on memories alludes to time, to the past, to all things death and buried. It is not meant to last; there's no space for it in the present or the future. All the things left behind have a place in the corner of the mind behind an old, closed door, waiting patiently for its demolition… 

What if the past has been trapped behind the door, not by choice but by force? Will the memories prevail even in forced oblivion? 

Probably. 

Forcing the mind to forget would only make the memory more and more vivid—it would only make the door more colorful and real. 

Aren't the most striking things in life the hardest to forget?

The Trace Decay Theory of Forgetting, or something like that.

•~•~•

“Turn up the volume, Loris. That's my Dad's jam.”

Jinx can be, in all aspects, complicated—to understand, to know, and perceive. She's the definition of expect the unexpected, never knowing what's going on in that little mind of hers. Regardless of it, the necessity of feeling useful, worthy, even brave sometimes, was something she never hid well enough. It was a part of her—weak and brittle; something she couldn't kill and bury underground. Whether it was Vi, Dad, or Peré, Jinx felt she had to prove herself all the time—show her worth; let them know she was as precious as gold. 

For that reason, if anyone asks Jinx about her years in Paris, she's not going to say a word. 'Paris never happened', it was a non-written statement; at least for her sister. However, if she trusts someone enough, maybe, just maybe, she will talk about it—more or less. Every question is on the table, yes, except for a few things: The First December in Paris, the day Silco died, the Spring Collapse, and December 19th, in her second year there.

No one talks about that December 19th.

It must be fun, probably, to talk about days without sun. It's peaceful when tragedies happen to other people, and the listener just has to pretend to feel empathy. 

Throughout all her years in Paris, Jinx knew only two people who weren't pretending: a cute little bunny louder than a canyon and Loris, the fool. 

While the cute little bunny was jumping up and down far, far away from Paris—a few years before they met—Jinx ran into Loris. Fate or accident? Doesn't matter. It happened. 

It all began a month or two after they moved out. By twists of fate, Jinx got caught leaving her footprint in the city. Things got out of her hands, and it'd begin her membership to the wonderful cell twenty-eight, reserved for her and just her—courtesy of Peré and all the scumbags who were scared of him.

Loris was a night-shift guard; he was in his mid-forties, tall, huge, and tanned, with a small braid dancing on his forehead. He came to work at 9 o'clock and left twelve hours later—a workaholic, a dull police officer. He earned the title 'fool' since night one, when Jinx was too bored to talk to herself and too tired to think about anything. 

“So, whatcha doing here, Larry? Trouble in paradise? Mama's forcing ya to pay rent or just here to make friends?”

He took his time to answer, not even caring to look at her, at first. His voice froze the air. His face and smile did nothing but trigger Jinx's memory, dragging her into a not-so-far past, a place she wanted to forget but just… couldn't.

Dad. He looks like my Dad.

“Mama's on a trip 'round Italy,” Loris started. “And I'm here cuz I do like the company.”

The answer surprised her; even their voices were alike. It was… Overwhelming.

It was impossible to kill and bury her past. Memories, like flowers in a graveyard, bloomed wherever they wanted—whenever they wished to; in spring or winter, in summer or fall. Vander was one of those flowers. He liked to pop up in Jinx's life in the most common, smallest things; the country music on the radio, the sweet smell outside a bakery, and, of course, in the occasional tobacco scent flowing down the streets. 

Even if it hurt, even if she wasn't expecting him, it was good to feel his presence now and then—it made her hopeful because… Maybe Dad missed her, too.

And Loris, oh Loris, he was the living proof that no matter how fast she ran, her past would be there, tied to her feet. 

Still, she tried to keep her cool. “Company? Why would you like this kind of company? Place is full of weirdos and shitheads.”

“You know you're here, too, right?” Loris asked, raising a brow. 

“'Course I know. That's why I'm sayin' it.”

He laughed, and for a second, his mutton chops turned into a whole, brown-grayish beard. Gray eyes mixed with the white lights over his desk. “Believe it or not, most of the kids just need to be heard. Some come back, but others don't, and that's a victory.” Proud danced in his words, lighting the place. “Don't know if that's what you need, but if you wanna talk, I'm a good listener,” Loris offered. 

Jinx twisted her mouth. What kind of crap was that? This guy worked with a bunch of pigs. Why would he be different? Thinking people could change through talking was… stupid. Words are words. That's it. They don't transform people, they don't turn back time. Words just… show what people are thinking—their true selves.  

“People don't change because you say so,” She said quietly, her voice breaking briefly. “Doesn't work that way.”

If it did work that way, she wouldn't be there, not in the cell, not in Paris. If talking could solve anything, she'd be home by now, helping her Dad make dinner, waiting for Peré to come back, playing games with her Boy Savior, hoping Vi would join them after work.

“Changing comes from desperation... Think about how water boils because it's burning inside; its cry for help comes in steam clouds.”

“What? Did I sign up for a science class?” Jinx muffled. “Pfft. That's dumb.”

“Dumb? Heh… Tell me somethin', kid. Have you ever heard feelings are like bubbles in boiling water?”

It was stupid– No. It was unfair how this stranger, this- this nobody sounded so much like Vander. Same look in his eyes, the way he spoke, and the sound of his laugh. It was overwhelming how much she was holding back with this guy—how much she wanted to insult him, to be mean and snarky; a pinch of Jinx's classical charm, but… she couldn't do it. Deep down in her, she didn't want to do it.

Still, Jinx tried. “You're a fool.”

But that was all she could say, and Loris didn't even care. 

Their little conversation that day was the beginning of an unusual friendship, unexpected from any point of view. Their relationship was not supposed to be more than an officer and a scum, but things don't always work as planned. Where Jinx was expecting to find another pig doing his job, she found a glimpse of her Dad, her golden memories. When Loris looked at the jail's most regular visitor, he saw a poor little girl haunted by her surroundings. 

With them together, a problem arose in Jinx's life, which is ironic because Loris, Jinx, and problems were part of a fantastic cocktail that Silco and Sevika served at one of the most remarkable events of her life overseas. 

The First December in Paris.

~•••~

“We're heading back to the manor,” Sevika said to the phone. “Perfect score. Couch said something about sending her to compete. U-huh, in Marsella.”

Every time. Every. Fucking. Time. Jinx finished archery practice, Sevika had to call Silco and give him a summary of what she did; every fucking detail. Don't get her wrong, Jinx knew Silco wanted to know everything because he wanted her to be perfect—because he cares about her, more than anyone.

The problem was Sevika liked to talk with her hands, well, hand. Her prosthetic arm was not fond of dancing in such a small space. Today, they were using Sevika's Mazda, a nice car indeed, but too small for such a huuuge ogre.

Jinx decided to ignore Peré's voice buzzing out of the ogre's earbud and chose to focus her attention on the gloomy streets of Paris. The sky was gray and dense, like elephant's skin. Fresh air was slightly sneaking inside the car, humidifying the space. Jinx moistened her lips; it was weird how, in Paris, it was always raining—very common to run under a storm—and yet, she was always thirsty. 

If she wanted, if she let her mind fly, Jinx could feel how her vision started to move slowly from one side to the other, making the concrete as liquid as the sea-

“What'd she eat? Ah…” 

For a second, Sevika looked at her, waiting for an answer. Jinx shrugged and went back to look out the window. There was no answer. She skipped lunch today, just like the day before, and the day before, and the day before that. Eating was a privilege, and even if she had had it her whole life, now it felt like she didn't deserve it, not always, not three times a day. Sometimes an apple was enough; she could make it with just dinner, or some crappy snacks—that'll work, too.

Silco's voice shouted. Jinx didn't even turn around. She'll hear the same speech once they're back in the manor. However, no matter how much she pretended to be okay with it, her mind started to move like gears in a machine. Her fingers began to peel off the skin around her nails.

He's mad, he's mad, he's mad.

Falling into her own mindless spiral was easy. Everything can trigger it; a simple word, a clinging memory. It'd been under control. Jinx had been under control thanks to five different drugs a day. Her thoughts fly away, but not as far to burn with the sun. She can feel out of her mind now and then; it wasn't bad. It was under the limit—her limit. She can tolerate it, she can handle it. 

Jinx tried to convince herself. Everything will be fine. Breath, you have to breathe, said a voice in her head, but it wasn't hers. 

One

…Two…

…Three.

And she repeated it on and on until the burning in her skull faded, not completely, of course, but it let her see through the window without problems, again. 

Then, closer to the Eiffel Tower, a bit far from the street where they were, Jinx spotted a pink-headed woman taking a selfie, wearing a soppy blue beret. Jinx's heart and breath raced, but tears didn't come out of her. Her hands held the door tightly, and her cold feet started to shake. 

“Vi…” She whispered. “Vi!”

Without thinking twice, Jinx opened the door, decided to run towards her sister. 

“Jinx!” Echoed behind her like a buzz, but she couldn't care less about Sevika. 

Jinx jumped the thin cord that surrounded the place in front of her and basically flew over the grass, pushing people, dodging them. Her heart was beating like crazy. She came. Vi came. She finally forgave her. 

It was nice to feel her sister missed her; after everything that happened between them, after Jinx scared herself to exhaustion believing she was not the one to take the first step because Vi would push her away, again; it was nice to feel she opened the door to forgiveness for her, for them. Maybe she was dreaming too much, but if Vi was in Paris, Vander was with her, too. 

Vi was walking away, unaware of her sister's pleas. Maybe she was playing dumb, or she couldn't hear because of the people.

“Vi!” Jinx shouted, louder this time. “Vi!”

It didn't hurt her when she jumped and tackled her sister or when her hand burned because of how hard it smashed against the ground. No, no. There were things more painful. 

“Get off me!” The woman screamed. 

Jinx froze in her place. The woman had pink hair, yes, but it wasn't her sister. They had the same haircut and the same style, but they weren't the same. This woman had brown eyes and Vi… Vi wasn't here.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

Ignoring the yelling towards her, Jinx started to see everything blurry: the people, the grass, the tower. She held her head. It was burning—boiling. 

Her breath started to rise uncontrollably, and Jinx pulled her hair unconsciously, trying to get rid of the sensations. She screamed, a guttural, painful shriek flying through wind and water. 

          Why, 

                                     Why, 

                                                  Why, 

Why aren't you here?!

…Vi

                                   …Vi…

                                                                Vi…!

“Jinx!” Sekiva screamed, pulling her by the arm, forcing her to stand up. Jinx knew it was her, even if she couldn't spot her at the moment. Who else would? Not Vi, that's for sure.

Not Vander either.

The only one who would pick her up from the floor was Sevika, and that's because Peré is paying her to do so.

~•••~

When Jinx was a little girl, when she was dumb and stupid—when she was Powder—she had this small habit of peeping outside the doors when the adults were talking. It wasn't her fault, she was just curious—she wanted to hear what older people talked about; she wanted to be treated like an adult, too. 

No matter how much Jinx tried to bury everything that defined her as Powder, some habits are never forgotten.

“She jumped over her,” Sevika explained. She sounded pissed. “The woman was bleeding because of the fall.”

“Where?” Peré asked.

“Mouth. I gave her some cash for it, but if she knows who Jinx is, she might sue.” 

“Then there's nothing to worry about. Only we know who Jinx is.”

“But sir, what if-”

“I said there's nothing to worry about.” Silco cut Sevika, raising his voice. “Where is she? Where's my daughter?”

“She locked herself in her room.”

A sigh flew through the walls, then some footsteps. Jinx tried to run and hide, but the squeak of the door was faster than her. She turned around. Peré was there, arms crossed and wrinkles on his forehead. With one finger, he made a clear sign, ‘Come here’, and Jinx obeyed like she always did when it comes to Peré. Sevika was there, too, but she only moved aside and waited outside Silco's study.

Peré came back to his seat; his usual cold, gray aura following him everywhere—it never faded, not even when he had free time. Jinx waited next to the door.

“Sit down, mon méloé,” Silco said with the sweetest voice—the voice he used to use back then. “Let's talk.”

I don't want to, Jinx thought, but walked anyway. She sat on his desk; the chair was for his comrades, and Jinx was his daughter. It was different. Then, she hugged her knees and tried to hide herself from him. 

“In a conversation, we never hide from the other people,” He started, moving himself to see her right in the eyes. “It shows weakness.”

“Sorry,” Jinx mumbled.

“What happened?”

It wasn't until that moment, when Jinx looked at her father and saw how worried he was for her, that her body started to shiver. She wanted to cry, she tried to cry but couldn't—maybe it was Paris all over her, but Jinx hadn't been able to cry since they arrived.

Jinx hid again, embarrassed by her own illusions. “I thought she came. I-I thought she wanted to see me.”

“Who?”

“...Vi.” She let Vander out of the picture. Peré wasn't fond of his name. “It was dumb, I know. Why would she? It's not like she forgave me out of nowhere…” Not after Vi told her how much she hated her. “Sisters, huh? Seems like holding grudges doesn't go away with time, or distance.”

Silco remained silent, probably analyzing his daughter's mind, thinking about how he could help her with this. He always does, he always tries. From the time they left their hometown till now, Silco has been nothing but supportive towards Jinx. More than that, they only had each other now.

“Why would Vi be here if she never loved you?” He asked calmly and softly.

Don't say that. 

                                                                                                She loved me. 

She did. 

                                            She used to.

“Vi never loved you, mon méloé, and you need to keep it in your mind. Those who care about you never leave you behind—never leave you on your own. Vi did.” Silco held her hands, caressing them as if she were worth something. “You chose me, yes, but she could've come with us and refused to do so. You need to remember they don't deserve you; no one does. Don't waste your hopes and illusions on them.”

Deep, deep down inside her, there was a little, tiny voice whispering, 

          He's lying.

                              She loves you. 

                                                       Vi loves you, 

                                                                                                                     Vander, too. 

                                                  They're your family. 

                                                                                       Don't listen to him.

“They didn't care enough to stop you the first time,” Silco interrupted. The tiny voice became quieter. “And sure they would not care enough to come all the way here just to see you… But I do.”

Jinx looked at her father, her family. “You do?”

“Of course I do. Here we can have everything we want. We'll be happy without them because we have each other. Remember that, please. Even if they don't love you, I do. No one loves you like I do.” 

A small single tear fell from her eyes—the first one in months. “I love you, too, Peré.”

With that, the little, tiny, doubting voice shut up and never talked again.

~•••~

“'Sup, Loris,” Jinx said after sitting down on the metal bench. She kept her sight on him; he was fixing something, but she couldn't see what it was from there.

“Hey, kid.”

 A clank, clank, clank echoed in the place; it was a nice distraction. No. It was the only distraction. This place was boring and too… gray. The only thing that popped in the dull walls was a small green sign about a juvenile program. 

Sibling For a Day! 

It sounded stupid. It looked stupid. Siblings are… complicated. 

“Heard they caught you stealing this time. Wanna tell me why?”

Jinx hugged her knees. Pigs like to gossip, she thought. “Why do you want to know? It just happened… You can keep the juice boxes. They'll be warm when I'm outta here.”

She didn't care that much anyway. Yeah, yeah, she stole a bunch of stuff, but that doesn't mean they were hers, it doesn't mean she likes to steal just because—she didn't. It's just… It just happened. 

Jinx didn't notice the moment when Loris moved away from his desk to sit on the floor, in front of her cell, with the thingy he was fixing in his hands. It was a radio—very old; she could see it now. It would never work. Even from far, Jinx could see a twisted wire peeping from the corner; the antenna input was broken, too. Loris, oh Loris, the poor man was fixing the front buttons.

What a fool.

“Check the damn antenna, Loris. What the hell are you doing?”

Loris chuckled. “Heh, you can see I'm not good at this, right?” He stopped his work to talk to her properly, right in the eyes. “I had to give it a shot. It was my mama's radio; I bought it for her with my first salary, and she gave it back to me once mine was stolen.”

“Huh? Stolen? How the fuck that happen? You're a cop.”

“Doesn't mean I'm immune…” He checked the input, clearly confused. “Y'know? When I was your age, I didn't want to be a cop. I had a dream, totally different from this shit. Ah, but mama was so proud when I showed her my badge.” 

“I don't care…” But she did. “W- what was your dream?” 

“I wanted to be a boxing trainer. Having my own gym, training people, going to fights, and eating chocolate like in that game-”

“Punch Out,” Jinx completed in a whisper. It was a fucking joke to hear this story today. Any day would be a coincidence, but today it was a stab to the heart. 

She wanted to laugh. In the back of her head, she was laughing. In person, however…

“Gimme that. I'll fix it.”

Loris tensed for a second. “Don't think I'm allowed to do that.”

“And 'm not supposed to be here. C'mon, I'll help ya.” She sat on the floor, too. “I promise I won't steal it. It's not my style to do those kinds of things.”

Though he looked unsure of believing in her, Loris gave her the old radio and the tiny screwdriver he was using, too. Jinx felt all bubbly to receive it; they were probably breaking thousands of rules just because he gave her a potential weapon, yes, but he trusted her enough to do so, and he believed she could fix the radio, and that warmed Jinx's heart. 

“You old guys wouldn't know how to do this shit even if it punches you in the face, am I right?'

“I've never been good at fixing things.”

“Well, that's both of us, then.” She smiled the moment the broken antenna fell off. This was her element.

“You seem to know what you're doing, kid,” Loris said, but his voice started to vanish.

Jinx didn't care, not too much; she was really concentrating on the broken radio. She missed it more than she thought. 

Here in Paris, she had open doors for everything. Silco promised her it'll be like that, for whatever thing she wanted, except he didn't seem excited to let Jinx follow her own dreams.

Since she was a kid, Jinx had a knack for fixing broken things, creating toys from scraps, or improving household appliances around her house. It's the only thing she liked from her Powder days. She made Vander's lamp bright enough to light a whole room, and, thanks to her, Vi got free cable until the neighbors caught them. Even Silco liked it, his watch, the one that lived permanently on his left wrist. Jinx fixed it; she even added a cute blue light to see it at night.

And, of course, she helped Ekko fix his bike's lights every time they broke. He loved her talent—actually, that's why they met. A cute boy with a broken bike and a girl who thought she could fix everything… Good times, good times.

The thing was, Silco believed she could do more than just fix stuff; he wanted her to be more than a tinkerer, and Jinx didn't share his ideas. How sad she never told him how she felt—never dared to be honest and break her father's heart in the process. 

Jinx dreamed of being an engineer. Silco wanted her to rule the world.

And she'll do it just because he asked her to.

She'd been doing a bunch of stuff just because he was happy to see her doing them. 

When Jinx asked for her own space to work on her things, Silco did it—full equipment, all new. Jinx asked for shooting classes—to continue where she left off—and Silco did it, even adding archery to the mix. You'll be the best at everything, mon méloé, he promised. In exchange, he suggested the career she should study and had already prepared everything for when she finished high school. 

“You'll be the best at everything, mon méloé. We'll show them. We'll show them all.”

It was a fair price, besides, she can still work on what she likes… As a hobby. It was good. It's fine.

It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

“Heard some colleagues talking about ya,” Loris' voice echoed once he came back. “They said you like to spend your time here. Always blamed for making doodles around the city.”

“So what? Paris gets boring after a while.” Jinx answered without taking her sight off the radio.

“I get that… They also said you're fast and don't get caught easily. Still, an officer caught you stealing food from a grocery store—Too much to let you go with a warning. It's weird, ya know? One would think you did it on purpose.”

Jinx looked at him; he was drinking juice; the other box was inside her cell, still closed. She held onto the radio.

As smart as Vander, she thought, unsurprised.

“It wasn't on purpose… 'M gettin' slower. Must be the age.”

He didn't say anything.

“...There were a lot of people, I couldn't run away.”

Still nothing.

“What? Cat got your tongue?”

“Nah. It's just weird to see a rich girl trapped here for stealing.”

The screwdriver fell on the floor, and Jinx tried— she really tried—to keep her cool. “No idea what you're babbling about.” She went back to fix the radio. “I ain't rich. I'm just a pretty girl with bad luck.”

“Huh… Guess Marcus was lying.”

Marcus, one of Peré's favorite minions. He used to be in charge of the whole city not so long ago, but once Jinx got caught the first time. Silco saw the ambition in the man when they talked about 'solving the problem.' He was demoted to this cage to take care of her, with a doubled salary—courtesy of, well, you know who. Marcus regretted accepting the deal thousands of times, saying he was born to be powerful, not a babysitter. He blamed Jinx for it, he hated her for it, and Jinx couldn't care less. Everyone knows dealing with Peré comes with a price; whether it's good or bad, it depends on perspective. Heh, kinda like Rumpelstiltskin.

Jinx stopped working on the radio; it was almost done, it just needed a new antenna. “I need metal.”

“Lemme check on the drawer.”

Jinx felt her stomach twisting, guilt drowning her down. She kept looking at the radio, avoiding Loris completely. “Don't flutter around Silco's name. Wherever you hear it, just turn around and leave.” She held the radio tighter. “...He's not good at making friends.”

“Sounds like you know a lot about the topic. Are you a friend of his?”

Loris came back to where he was, a metal hook on his hand, drinking juice as if Silco's presence was nothing, as if it didn't matter. Jinx thought about his question. He already knew they were connected; would it be so bad to tell him? To be honest about it? Maybe yes, maybe no… Probably not. What's the worst thing that could happen?

“I'm his daughter,” Jinx whispered, hiding in her, feeling a glimpse of shame on saying that out loud. 

She knew her father was not exactly a good person; she'd heard it, she'd seen it, but what's being good anyway? For her, it didn't matter. She loved him regardless of everything because he loved her, too, and who was Jinx to judge? She was not good either. 

“That's unexpected…” Loris mumbled. “Why are you here, kid? You don't need to do this shit. You can have everything, literally.”

Jinx huffed, a tiny smile on her lips. “That's a fun story.” A sigh flew through the room. “See, Loris, today is a special day for me. It's weird to celebrate it, but I still want to do it, I guess. Peré doesn't like to talk about it, and he would be pretty mad if he knew I'm not ready to let it go.”

While Loris landed her the hook, Jinx told her the story about how she had sneaked out of archery practice to have a moment to herself, and how she saw Sevika following her not too far from where she was hiding. All the things she did to lose her, and realizing it would be easier to be locked in here because no matter how much money Silco had, they had to fix a bunch of paperwork to let her out with a clean record.

“Too much trouble just for a hiding spot. What's so special about today? It's just Monday.”

Jinx turned on the radio, filling the place with static. “Today's my sister's birthday…”

The radio played music in a second, a sweet song—one that sounded like sunlight and tasted like honey syrup and chocolate.

Don't give your heart to a ramblin' man.

“Hey! You fixed it!” Loris' voice lit up like Christmas lights.

Jinx smiled while caressing the radio in her hands before giving it back.

“Turn up the volume, Loris. That's my Dad's jam.”

~•••~

Jinx's last practice was on December 23rd, the day before Christmas Eve, which also meant it was the last day they would receive any mail before the holidays. 

The moment Sevika stopped the car, Jinx ran to the gloomy mailbox outside the manor. She held all the envelopes at once and sat down on the floor, looking for something, anything, that would prove Peré was wrong. She didn't mean to correct him; Jinx just believed it would be good for him, too, to see them and know they missed him. Every day after school, after practice, or just after returning home, Jinx went to check the mail, no exceptions. It became part of her—a routine. Everyone in the manor knew they shouldn't touch the mail until Jinx did it first. 

“Give up, connasse. That's just a bunch of Christmas cards from your dad's kiss-asses.”

“Shut up, ogre.”

Sadly, the ogre was right. Just Christmas cards and bills; nothing she would care about, nothing that mattered. Jinx put everything back into the mailbox and walked into the manor with the intention of staying in her room for the rest of the day; she was not a baby anymore to prepare everything for Santa, besides… Peré didn't want to celebrate Christmas anymore—it was not the same. 

She walked all the way up to the second floor, passing through the immense aisles covered with thick, velvet curtains; always closed, so no glimpse of sunlight could enter the place. She passed by Silco's study—the door was open. He was sitting in his chair, reading a pink letter with a small blue doodle in the corner– Wait. What?

Jinx came back in a second. Her father noticed it and, in a blink, he used his favorite lighter to burn the paper in his hands, right where the doodle was. 

A monkey. It was a blue monkey.

“Hey Peré,” She asked as carefully as she could. “Whatcha doin'?” 

The flame grew, and Silco's reaction was to throw it into the metal trash can next to him. He tossed a green envelope, too, along with a bunch of other papers, but those were white—colorless.

“I'm getting rid of the trash. These holidays made people believe everything is possible… I hate it,” he spoke before directing his attention to his computer. “How was practice? Did they tell you anything about Marsella?”  

Jinx's sight was still fixed on the flames. She was dying to ask why the letter had a monkey in it, but, again, feeling that the holidays were a burden for her father—maybe as much as they were for her, or even more—Jinx kept her doubts to herself. She could investigate what was going on later; perhaps a little chit-chat with the ogre might help.

“No, but I heard it'll be in February, next year… Guess I'll be here for Christmas.” 

Silco stopped what he was doing to look at her. Fuck. It was an accident. She got distracted.

“Ah, I forgot about that,” he muttered softly before going back to his business. “Sevika hired a professional for the Christmas banquet; feel free to say if you want something special. This chef can cook anything, supposedly.”

Banquet, the world echoed in her mind. It was odd to hear it; usually, the only people here were they, Sevika, and other employees. Occasionally, a few of Silco's work colleagues came to visit, but never during the holidays.

“Are we throwing a party?”

“Yes, mon méloé, we're throwing a Christmas party. It'll be good for my re-election campaign. Everyone important will be here. I'll ask Sevika to take you shopping, just come back before, and remember it's a black tie event.” 

She felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. Jinx never cared about her father's decision to get into politics years ago, but she wasn't fond of being part of all the charades he had to prepare. 

“No need. I'll just stay in my room, like usual.”

Silco wanted her to be part of his charades; he was happy to have her there—those parties were part of the few occasions where he could proudly say Jinx was his daughter and blab about how great she was in school, about the bright future he had planned for her.

Silco looked at her with a needy, hopeful sparkle in his eye; it was so bright even his glass eye was gleaming, too. “At least for dinner. Please, Jinx, there's nothing I would love more than to celebrate Christmas with you.”

“...Really?”

“Of course,” he assured, moving himself away from his desk, just a little bit. “In a place filled with idiots, I want to be with my family—with the only person I care for.” 

Jinx bit her inner cheek. How can she say no to such a plea? Giving that's exactly what she wanted, too. “Okay, I'll go shopping with the ogre. Lemme go change first.”

Sadly, as it is, Jinx was never aware of how easily Silco could convince her; maybe it was the soft spot he has permanently in her heart, or the fact that he's the only part of her family that still loves her, who knows? The point is, they were family—they had to support each other.

She would love it if he remembered that every time she had a competition. It would be nice to see him among the people instead of Sevika.

“Shit. He looked so happy,” Jinx said to the air once she got into her room. “It's just dinner, I can do this…” 

Her reflection in the broken mirror looked like how she hugged herself briefly; it was her only company in this manor—the only one who could know everything without hurting everyone. 

“Don't look at me like that. He knows I don't like these parties… It's not the same. I can't just go and crash them like I used to back then.” Slowly, she walked up to her window, the only one with the curtains open, and a small seat made out of the wooden walls. “Vander won't be there to dance with me… Vi won't ask me to help her get ready. We can't have fun like we used to. I can't. Not by myself.”

It's fun how things work, sometimes. How unusual it is when a person is thinking about something, and life just brings it into the real world. Maybe it's an unconscious connection in the brain—a way to fight loneliness, to give hope, to keep moving forward. 

Since Jinx arrived, she became aware of reality: her family didn't love her and didn't want her back. Not everything happened in the same month, but, eh, this December didn't help; It became the acid soil where her biggest fears bloomed.

Little by little, the small spark of hope she had faded away; it happened faster thanks to her surroundings—to the people she trusted and loved.  It was hard and sad to see such a young girl feeling so miserable and abandoned. It was almost an insult how, last December, she had everything she could ever wish for, and now everything was covered in garbage. 

Yeah, losing her mind in this moment would be so easy…

Then, a small sunbeam came through the window and rested right under her neck, splashing her body with a soft rainbow. It looked fragile somehow, but big enough to get into the walls, too.

Jinx smiled, holding the cute little prism among her fingers, moving the rainbow at her will.

“I still think forever always was too cheesy,” She started, holding the quartz in a fist. “But it's fine. It suits you. It suits us.”

~•••~

Jinx and Sevika met years ago, when the girl was twelve. The woman worked for Silco, taking care of his duties—whatever they were—while he was home. My right hand—Peré explained once, and Jinx accepted as if it was the only explanation in the world. More than a 'right hand', Jinx saw Sevika as Silco's bodyguard; the woman was huge and strong—anyone could see that—but she didn't seem smart enough to succeed on something special. The only good thing Sevika had, based on Jinx's perspective, was the funny grimaces she made every time a kid passed by or walked close to her. More than that, Silco's right hand was nothing more than a fat-headed ogre.

People say that when Jinx arrived at the manor, Sevika got sick for five days. The sick face never disappeared.

Even now, almost seven months after Jinx moved to Paris, Sevika looked as if she had just had food poisoning.

“Take whatever you need and let's get the hell out of here.” The ogre said, moving aside to let people walk in the mall aisles.

But Jinx had her mind on something else. It was Christmas Eve, and these holidays made people believe that everything was possible, just as Silco had said. Giving this was the first Christmas in Paris, her hopes were higher than ever because… December 24th was the perfect day to wait for a miracle.

“Nah, do it yourself. You know my size, and I like black. Go nuts.” 

“Silco didn't ask me to do that.” Ow, she was mad. How cute. 

Jinx shrugged, “I did so buh-bye. Call me when you're done.” And she walked away, pleased by her decision.

“What if I just go home without you?” That made her turn around, just enough to see Sevika's smug smile. Jinx smiled wider than her. 

“And how much do you think Silco would pay you for that?” A laugh flew away from her lips, one filled with sarcasm and victory. “Have fun, ogre. Au revoir~” 

Today was not a good day to visit the mall; places were filled with desperate people doing last-minute shopping. It was stupid how many excuses she made just because she wanted to lose Sevika at the mall today, so that she could be trapped between time and people, so that Jinx could have more time for herself. 

If she remembered well, there was a small cyber cafe two blocks away from the mall. It'll be easy to come and go before Sevika frees herself from her duties.

What a horrible job, Jinx thought with mockery. She couldn't feel bad for the ogre; she picked the job all by herself.

Closer to the corner, Jinx saw the small place still open and smiled for herself. This was the only good part of waking up so early. Blindly hopeful, Jinx entered the place, paid a few hours on the computer—they might come in handy—and started to check an old world, one she stopped using years ago.

Her first Facebook page.

In middle school, a teacher asked the whole group to make a Facebook page “so you can have all your classmates as friends”. Given that's the only reason why they added her, Jinx wasn't fond of spending time on it, but she always made some time to play games with Ekko between classes or chat with Vi. They were still her friends there, and Jinx believed they might talk to her through here, just like old times.

Because they liked Powder before, seems logical they would try to talk to her.

Jinx scrolled through her profile picture, not thinking much about how she looked, but sticking to read the comments briefly. 

SpongeBob

And now she remembered why she only used this Facebook for, like, a month. Kids are mean.

Regardless of the bitter memories, she continued to scroll. It was sweet how, for each cruel comment, there were two nice ones; one to make the mean kids shut up and the other to praise her for… whatever, they were pretty random. 

Shut up Squidward

Not true. She's amazing

You say that, but I bet no one explains relativity like she does

Sometimes, the mean kids answered those comments, too.

Losers stick together 

No need to say who the other loser was, right?  

Having friends never worked for Powder; none of them stuck around. An unspoken truth was that she wasn't made to have friends… or that's what she thought. There were exceptions. Ekko. Ekko was an exception—her favorite one.

He always said she never dragged him down; they were falling together. When Powder fell into the mud, Ekko cannonballed next to her to make her laugh and keep her company.

Sometimes she felt guilty; if middle school was hard for Ekko, it was because of her. If he didn't jump into the mud, someone would push him into it because losers should stick together. Jinx still remembers how their classmates used to make fun of his braces and hair; they didn't at first, not until everyone saw how close he was with her. She also remembers how he never cared about it. 

Even after middle school, when she told him she didn't like the name Powder anymore, how she felt more like a Jinx and wanted to be called like that—because it suited her better— Ekko didn't complain about it. 

“Fine by me,” He said. 

“What? Really?”

“Of course, baby. Powder or Jinx, you're still you.” 

“Huh… Thought you were gonna complain or somethin'.” 

There was something in his eyes that day, maybe a new realization or the way he hugged her while kissing her forehead. 

“You ever read Romeo & Juliet?”

“Years ago. Why?”

“I think you should read it again,” Ekko whispered while moving a hair away from her forehead. “To refresh your memory.”

Jinx never said it out loud, but when Ekko talked like that, it made her feel like those little bubbles in cold soda. It scared her, sometimes, when Ekko was extremely close to her… what if he heard the sound? 

Fizz. 

That's how it sounded. 

Ah, she missed the feeling, too much for her own good. 

Maybe it was because she missed it so much that Jinx was expecting Ekko's message more than Vi's. Vi hadn't forgiven her, but Ekko wasn't mad at her. They didn't end badly. Their goodbye was… A bittersweet memory. 

Bitter in a way she never wanted to talk about it with anyone, unless it's him. 

Sweet because… That's how Ekko has always been. Sweet like candy, like fresh water… like sparkling soda. 

Fizz.

Jinx opened Messenger, which was way more different from what it had been four years ago, and waited for it. 

And she waited

…And waited…

And waited. 

She looked at the screen for minutes.

…Then the minutes became hours…

The hours became an eternity…

And her heart started to slow down and freeze, dying from hypothermia.

Fizz.

Someone pulled one of her braids with such force that her head went back in a blink. Sevika found her, and she was pissed.

“This is the last time you pull this kind of move, brat,” She shouted, spitting while speaking. 

“Is it cold outside, Sevika?”

The question caught her off guard, probably because she let her go immediately. “Huh?” 

“Nothing,” Jinx mumbled. “Let's get the hell out of here.”

She closed everything and walked in silence all the way to Sevika's Mazda. The place closed the moment they left, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except that Jinx was freezing, and not even her coat was helping her.

Jinx didn't go to the party. She missed dinner, too. All Jinx did was lie down in her bed for the rest of the night, wearing the stupid brown velvet dress Sevika picked up for her—because they ran out of black dresses. It was long on the sleeves, and the skirt covered her knees perfectly… but Jinx was still cold.

Even with all the blankets over her and the heat on in all the manor, Jinx felt as cold as a glacier.

It's horrible to think nothing could vanish the sensation because the cold lay in her heart, and what can you do when a heart is frozen like that? 

All her hopes, all her illusions started to fade away that day, and, with time, the cold got replaced by a horrible, burning sensation, eating her alive, destroying the small part of her who clung to her dumb wishes.

“Got you some food from downstairs,” The ogre spoke quietly. “Your father will kill us if you keep skipping meals.”

Jinx kept looking at the wall, holding the prism in a fist, close to her heart. “And where is he now?”

“He had some business to do in the city.”

He wasn't home when they came back, and he wasn't there now, even when he promised to…

“...Just leave it there. I'm not hungry.”

Jinx counted in her head at least ten seconds before the click of her door echoed through the place. It made her feel lonely, even more once the moonlight slipped through her curtains—the only light she allowed to stay, even when she didn't deserve it.

~•••~

5

…4…

Baby, lock the door and turn the lights down low

“Now it's a party,” Jinx said while standing up, closing her eyes, and smiling, letting Vander's ghost guide her dance over the metal bench. “Make it louder, Loris.”

Sevika let Jinx's arm free, tossing her inside Silco's study. She fell on her knees and, because everything happened so, so fast, she couldn't even raise her head. Jinx kept looking at the wine-brownish carpet, the marble in the corners. 

She deserved to look at the floor; she earned it. It's the result of not learning from her mistakes. 

“Graffiti, one block away from the Louvre. Marcus moved her to the detention facility,” the lapdog said by memory. “We don't know how many times they'll let her go without sending her to juvenile.” 

Don't look at him!

                                                              He's mad. 

                                                                                                                 He's mad. 

                                    He's mad. 

Silco sighed, exhausted. The sound of paper resting on his desk echoed in the place. “Send Marcus a retribution for his job. I need to talk with my daughter.” 

Sevika followed his order; the door locking behind her was proof of it. Jinx kept her eyes on the floor, focused on Silco's footsteps echoing. It was a common sound around the house, very familiar; mostly after midnight. He used to be more talkative back then, but after the night, he became quieter and quieter.

Silco sat on the desk, his shoes right in front of her face. Jinx didn't dare to look at him; she was scared, scared of running out of his patience, his love for her. What if Sevika heard what Jinx said to Loris and told Silco about it? 

You think my father would hate me if I told him that?

She heard them. She saw them.

“In this house,” Silco started, “We speak with our heads held high. Look at me.”

She did, he didn't look mad, he was disappointed, as if he was the one having regrets. 

A promise is a promise, but I… I miss my old life.

“It's the tenth time they caught you in eight months,” He spoke, voice hard as stone. “Why?”

“Changing people's minds is one of the hardest things to do,” Loris spoke softly. “But he's your father, he loves you, and for love it's worth making a sacrifice. I'm sure he'll understand how you're feeling.”

Jinx's thoughts rambled. He would understand if she said the truth, right?... Right? After all, it'd been an accident. Her only problem was that she didn't run away fast enough.

“I-It wasn't my fault. I was just doing my stuff, but I fell because of my stupid shoes,” Jinx laughed at her own words, to hide her fear, maybe. “It wasn't on purpose, I swear! You believe me, Peré, right?”

He didn't smile. The twitch on his left hand, the bags under his eyes, were the reflection of a tired man, tired of her, of the problems she causes with or without intention. 

“Why would you get caught on purpose?”

Oh.

                             Oh no.

                                                    No,

    no, 

                                                            no!

Purpose. 

Purpose. 

Purpose. 

Why did she say purpose?!

Loris walked and sat down in front of the cell with a deck of cards in hand. They played crazy eights.

“So, whatcha did this time? Doesn't seem so fun to spend New Year's in this place.”

Jinx hugged her legs, feeling how the left side of her skull was getting drilled.  “You know how it is, Loris. I got caught.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“To see the views? You're the one who told me Paris is amazing.”

It could’ve worked, it could’ve, but Jinx's tone changed, and that alerted Silco immediately.

“I usually work the holidays so I can get vacations on some other days. Mama wanted me to go with her to Italy in spring,” He smiled with embarrassment. “Something about setting me up with my aunt's neighbor's daughter. She's divorced.”

Does Loris' heart make a fizz sound because of the divorced woman? Jinx felt giddy just to think of it. 

“That 's hot.”

Jinx started to freak out, her thoughts running from here to there, pushing her into the mud and giving her the certainty that anyone who talked to her would fall there, too. She thought of Loris and his date with the divorced woman, his aunt, and mama. She had to protect him; he has a life to live for.

Jinx has seen what Peré is capable of. Only the people he likes stayed in the picture. The others? Who knows, she never saw them come back. 

She tried to breathe to calm down, but her thoughts began to smash against others more and more aggressively. Her head burned, and her ears buzzed from all the voices trying to catch her attention. She had to calm down. She needed to be in control so she could take care of the situation. 

Breath

You have to breathe

Just… Breath– 

The voice that used to help her transformed into a horrible shriek, like the sound of metal scratching or grinding her teeth, which was what she was doing without realizing. 

Focus. 

I need to focus. 

And she tried to hold herself one more time, trying to ease the guilt she was feeling, the heartbreaking fear of Jinxing Loris' life. 

Calm down. 

Calm down. 

Calm down. 

Baby, lock the door and turn the lights down low

When the music started to repeat on a loop in Jinx's head, she dug her nails into her legs. 

            Shut up. 

                                                                              Shut up. 

                                Shut up. 

Shut up. 

Shut up. 

                                                                                                                       Shut up. 

                                                                               Shut up. 

                          Shut up. 

Shut up. 

                                                                                                             Shut up. 

                                                                                    Shut up. 

        Shut up.

                                                    Shut up.

                                                                                                                Shut up. 

                  Shut up! 

SHUT UP! 

“I didn't know it was gonna be that hard. I thought… I'd stay in touch with my family and friends, and I could visit them now and then, but… Peré doesn't want me to. He keeps telling me I have to let them go the same way they left us—that I shouldn't forget how they treated us… but I don't want to.”

She wanted to run away and hide, and scream and cry forever, but didn't. 

Calm down… Just this time, Jinx begged herself. 

It worked momentarily, the buzzing didn't stop, but the song faded away. 

Begging for herself didn't work, trying to repeat the music until it disappeared didn't either, and not even thinking about Loris's life helped. No, no. What helped Jinx's mind focus on something else rather than her own mess was… water. It started to rain outside; she could hear it and see it through the thick curtains.

Yeah, water was fun, and pretty—always pretty.

Even if water has been in the most horrible places, in the darkest, painfullest memories of her mind, something in it made feelings impossible to forget and imagine. Enticing her one storm at a time.

Water was attractive, too, not only in a hollow, shallow way but in a molecular sense. 

Now, that's interesting.

When water falls from the sky and droplets of it stick to any surface, a race begins. One drop against the other on the window, running down thanks to gravity. Getting closer because of the attraction force amidst its molecules, telling them they're the same—that they should be together.

Heh… 

Sometimes, it's easy to catch the scent of water—it's cold, humid, and natural…

“Jinx–”

And sweet.

“Jinx–”

It's always sweet, even in the ocean–

“Jinx!” Silco snapped, moving his body to the side and blocking Jinx's view of the window. “Listen to me,” he demanded.

“'M listening.” She was; she had already come back to earth. “Your name's safe. No one knows who I am anyway.”

Because that is how it's supposed to be, Silco, the self-made man, didn't have a troublemaker daughter, a daughter so stupid she spent New Year's Eve in a detention center, no, no. Silco's daughter was the example of perfection; an outstanding student, a prodigy, a genius. They decided to separate one thing from the other, and it worked. It could keep working, but… Perhaps this was not the way to make new friends, at least not those who offered Jinx a different perspective on her situation. 

“Where were you going? You leave the house without permission.”

He hasn't mentioned Loris. 

                                               He's safe. 

                                                                                          He's safe

“I wasn't doing anything wrong… I wanted to see the fireworks.”

It was more than that, actually. Jinx was getting used to the stupid feeling that clung to her every time she felt nostalgic. Perhaps it was the holidays, but she couldn't help herself, and the aching hope of waiting for someone, something, anything to pull her back to her beloved memories. It was amusing, too, given how she felt on Christmas, how the cold was still within her, but the idea of the fireworks changed her spirit completely.

Jinx fantasized all the way to the city about how she would stand around the Eiffel Tower waiting for the spectacle and then, out of nowhere, Vander would come to her. They would hug, and he would talk about how he wanted her to come back, about how much Vi missed her, and that she was waiting for them back home.

“We couldn't come before because of Vi's school,” he would say, or some other lame excuse. It didn't matter; she would forgive them right away.

Jinx fantasized about Ekko finding her as well. Saving her one more time from the madness she was falling into. He would walk towards her with all the explosions lighting the sky above them, a huge smile on his face, and that cute little spark he always had in his caramel, brown eyes.

Ekko would hold her hand and squeeze it, pulling her closer so she could listen to his voice without interruptions. “Please come back. I miss you.”

And Jinx would say yes without a doubt.

She wanted to go back, all the way down to her hometown and look at the fireworks from the rooftop with popping candy in her mouth and a hand holding hers… but it was too much to ask.

“I wanted to see the fireworks,” Jinx continued with pure honesty. “I wanted to see if they look the same here as… back home.” She noticed how her father froze at the statement, but, ah, they were already down the rabbit hole.

She missed it, she missed everything. She wanted to go back and wished things would never change. She wanted to go to school with Ekko and play video games with Vi afterwards. More than a desire, Jinx was aching for it.

However, her father remained frozen.

Silco would never accept leaving everything to go back, not after all his efforts to be where he was, not after how things ended for him—for them. They were all alone in the sweet Ville Lumière. The City of Light, Love, and Art. It was just Silco, Jinx, and Paris… And Sevika, sometimes. It was an easy fate to accept, yes… But what if they go to visit? Just on vacation—a weekend, didn't matter.

“You think it's possible? To see them there?”

For Silco, having Jinx missing the past was painful and confusing. Why did she miss the people who didn't like them? The ones who didn't care enough to follow them here? Why, why in the world did she feel sad about them? It couldn't be homesickness; their home was here. Was- was she trying to abandon him, too?

No, that's impossible. She would never. Not even if Vander appeared in front of her and asked her to go back, and she had no reason to. Silco worked day and night for days, for decades, to give her everything she wanted, to grant her every wish. Jinx, his beloved daughter, wouldn't change him for anything.

No one could take her away from him.

“Fireworks look better here. Everything is better here,” Silco stated more to himself. He looked at his daughter, who was still on the floor. He held her hands softly, helping her to stand up. “Seems to me like you're forgetting why we had to leave. Don't you remember? They hated us and tried to leave us behind. No one who does that deserves our love— your love.”

The advice was usual to her, so natural. He used to tell her that back then, when she was young and desperate to be accepted. “No one who leaves you behind deserves your love”. He told her the same phrase on the plane, when they moved away from Jinx's hometown, and he was saying it now, when she disappointed him.

Her sight fell, her lip wobbled. “Yeah, I know.”

“Then why are you doing this? Aren't you happy? Don't you have anything you wish for?... Are you trying to leave me behind?”

A promise is a promise, but I… 

Jinx's hands held him tighter. “No! Never! We're together in this! I… I would never do something to hurt you. I just thought-”

“Then why are you acting like this, mon méloé? Did I do something wrong?”

I miss my old life.

“No-”

“Then why do you keep acting like you used to back then?!” Silco shouted. “You know what happens when we hold onto memories! You know why we don't talk about the past! We don't need it!” His hands let her go, but his voice was forcing her to look at him. “The only thing you get by holding onto the past is throwing your future into the mud!” Jinx felt a shiver. It wasn't fear. It can't be. Jinx had never been afraid of him… Right?  

“Would it be bad if I went back on my word?”

Silco's hands moved close to Jinx's neck. “Believing that they would come here for you, it's a mere fantasy!” A snap echoed in the place, as fast as lightning. “It's bad for your mind!”

Jinx froze the moment she saw her necklace dancing among his fingers. The braided, dark blueish nylon cord with hot pink traces lay in front of her, trembling and broken. Silco broke it, and it hurt so much; the clear, half-arrow-shaped prism was turning into charcoal before her eyes. 

No, 

no, 

                                                                               no, 

                                               no, 

                          no, 

                                                                     no, 

NO!

“Huh, it's weird how we've been here for months, how I bought you everything a princess deserves, and you're still using this piece of trash. Every. Single. Day.” 

Mine. 

      Mine. 

Mine. 

     Mine. 

                              Mine. 

                              Mine. 

Mine. 

                                          Mine. 

                                                                      Mine. 

                Mine. 

                                Mine. 

                                                                                                                       Mine. 

Mine. 

                     Mine. 

Mine. 

Mine. 

                                              Mine. 

                                                                                                         Mine.

It's mine!

Give it back!

“You've had it long enough.”

Please! 

Not that one! 

Let it go! 

It doesn't hurt anybody.

“I-I bought that thing! It's mine! It's very popular right now- Ask Sevika!” Jinx lied, utterly desperate. It was fine, it wasn't treason. It was just… a white lie. Families say those, right?

“Sevika wouldn't know what a teenager is using even if it punches her in the face.” With a smooth movement, Silco put the necklace in his pocket and walked away. “You know, mon méloé, your past is the only thing that doesn't let you reach perfection… I hope you remember this each time you behave in this manner. Go to your room. This conversation is over.”

He kept the necklace. He kept her necklace. The only thing she brought with her… It was hers.

“Bu-but Peré-”

“I said, go to your room, Jinx. I don't want to see you.”  

3

…2…

…1

Happy New Year!

~•••~

“You know the way, right?” An officer said while moving aside from the door.

“Yeah, yeah, the sweet ol' twenty-eight. Thanks for keeping it clean for me, Chuck; Eyeball's gonna give you a tip for being such a good pig.”

“My name is Marcus, you punk.”

“Do I look like I give a shit?” Jinx asked the moment she lay down on the metal bench. 

“No, you look like a good-for-nothing.” And he slammed the door. “Asswhore,” He mumbled. 

Jinx rolled her eyes at the name. Chuck was getting rusty; it was not his best one. “I love you, too. Dickhead.”

After her 'conversation' with Silco, Jinx tried to keep it low for a while, just enough to persuade him she was pursuing perfection—to make him see she didn't befriend a cop. However, one of those goons caught her smoking weed under the Pont des Arts—rookie mistake. Silco was probably tracking her down to get her back home as soon as possible with his lapdog, Sevika, at his side, waiting for a snap to follow an order… but it'll take some time.

Huh, it's quiet today.

Not much time passed when a young guy with emerald hair and blue eyes came and took a seat in Loris' chair. Jinx had never seen him before.

“Yo, who the hell are you?”

The guy looked at her once before concentrating again on his laptop. “Marcus said I shouldn't talk to you,” He mumbled with a thick French accent on the verge of his English.

Click. Click. Click echoed in the place; it was the only sound.

“Agh, that's stupid. What? Am I not allowed to speak anymore?”

The guy didn't answer, and it pissed her off. Yes, this was no place to make friends, but ignoring her the whole time she would be here… it'll be boring.

While scanning the place, looking for something familiar, Jinx noticed how a bunch of stuff was missing. Loris' cartoony orange TV wasn't on the desk; his radio had disappeared, too. It wasn't that big of a deal, maybe he took a vacation… Or so she thought until her eyes focused on the dull, gray wall.

The sign was missing. The 'Sibling For a Day' sign was missing. That made her alert. The only one who would care enough to help others in this place was Loris; the sign was his—she was sure—if that thing disappeared…

“Where 's Loris?”

He looked at her, just for a second, then hid behind his laptop again.

Click. Click. Click.

“Yo, catfish. Where's Loris? I'm sure you know him. He works the holidays, and most of the year, I think.”

“Mama sent me a TV for Christmas,” Loris told her on New Year's Eve.

“Not anymore.”

“Huh? He got transferred?”

“Not exactly.”

Jinx hated this guy to her bones. 

“If you're gonna gossip, do it right. Tell me what the hell happened to Loris?”

Click… Click…

“Loris… It's not with us anymore.”

Jinx's spirit fell on the floor. The way this guy said it… It sounds like he died. 

Still, she kept her hopes high. Loris didn't die; he couldn't. 

“What do you mean? Did he get fired? Did he die? Is he sick? Did he get married and move to Italy? Tell me!”

Nothing.

“For Hylia's sake, say something!” Jinx shouted, grabbing the metal bars, shaking them fiercely. “Marcus! Marcus!”

Jinx felt utterly delusional when the thought of being friends with Loris outside this jail crossed her mind. Maybe they could’ve talked about life from time to time. Perhaps in a few years, Loris would invite her to his wedding in Italy with the divorced woman, and who knows? Silco and Loris could also be friends. It would help him to have someone to talk to outside of his sappy group of colleagues. It would be nice to have an actual friend on this side of the world.

It could've worked, it could've…

No.

No, it wouldn't.

Oh, how stupid she'd been…

“You're interrupting something important, punk. What do you want?” Marcus asked with annoyance.

Jinx didn't pay attention to it. “Who took the sign out of the wall? Where's Loris?”

If she didn't know better, Marcus's oblivious face would've been convincing. “Huh, you didn't hear what happened? Our good Loris was one of our greatest achievements, a pride in his field. The top guys offered him a promotion—to become a detective… But it went to shit because he made a mistake.”

The cold started to spread all the way from her heart to her feet, the drumming on her head became louder, and her skull burned.

“What did he do?” She asked, shaking out of fear.

Marcus smiled widely, teeth covered in malice, in mockery. “He chose his friends poorly. He chose to be friends with you, and you know what happens when you 'flutter around Silco's name' better than anyone, don't you? Look at what you've done.”

              Look at what you've done.

                                                                                                       Look at what you've done.

                                LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!

No, 

                                                                           no, 

                                                                                        no, 

                          no, 

                              no, 

no, 

NO!

It's been a while since Jinx felt the urge to cry her eyes out, to pull her hair until the burning stopped… She doesn't remember if she cried that day.

“D- did he get fired?” Jinx asked again. “Did he die? Is he sick? Did he get married and move to Italy?”

“I don't know. I didn't ask. One day, he just whoosh! And we never see him again.” Marcus laughed; he laughed like he enjoyed every single part of this situation. “Now, if that's all you want to know, I don't want to keep the lady waiting. We have a lot to talk about your… friend.”

In the corner, way too far from cell twenty-eight, a huge golden-like metal shone against the lights. Sevika. It was Sevika. She heard them. She saw them. She did talk with Silco about Loris, which means all her efforts had been in vain.

“Loris used to say he saw potential in you. He called you a friend, he trusted you… What a fool.”

And he left laughing with arrogance, while the rookie cop remained hidden behind his laptop.

Fool.

Fool.

Fool.

Loris was a fool because he befriended a Jinx.

Up to this day, the cops there talked about the doomed girl who tore her throat out, screaming for hours inside cell twenty-eight. The cell earned a reputation, and people believed in it because no one would like to live the same fate Loris had: vanishing into nothing. It's not something people dream about.

Look at what you've done.

Look at what you've done.

LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!

~•••~

In the loneliness of her house, in the corners of her room, Jinx found herself nostalgic for the first time in eons. Perhaps the recent events shook her memories, unlocking the door where she kept them hidden for so long.

The countdown began, and it became the only sound in the whole place.

Loris never minded taking care of Jinx during the holidays; he was alone for most of the year, living for his job and only taking a week off when mama came to visit him in the spring. “It's fun to have her here”, he would say if somebody asked him. Jinx tended to dance at the pace of the radio and tried to mimic the deep voices on it. She was good at it, so good that one day she offered to teach him—he said no, arguing he was born with two left feet.

The small TV on Loris' desk made a buzzing sound thanks to static. It was very old and small, but modern enough to be wireless. 

“ I think it's almost time.” 

The countdown began, and it became the only sound in the whole place.

5

…4…

3

…2…

…1

Happy New Year!

Loris clapped joyfully, and Jinx mimicked him in an instant. He was happy, and so was she, because she felt like everything was possible. A new beginning, a new resolution, a midpoint between what she lost and what she has now. The idea of Silco changing his mind about their new arrangements made her feel hopeful again, and she loved the feeling.

“Happy New Year, kid. I hope you can see your family this year.”

“And I hope your divorced girl makes you laugh.”

For a few minutes, everything was laughing and wishing. Music popped from the TV, and Jinx started to dance, having a New Year's party she never planned, but it became memorable as well. 

Tip, tap-tap, tap, tap

Tip tap to the left, then to the right, and fly.

“I'm really sorry, Loris,” Jinx mumbled to the sunset on her window. “I hope you're eating cannoli with your mom in Italy.”

With that sentence in the air, Jinx closed the curtains and covered the place with darkness.

Chapter Text

A firework explosion is teamwork.

When the fuse ignites the gunpowder on the shell, it flies all the way up to the sky.

When it’s somewhat far from the ground, a second boost is ignited thanks to the timed fuse, which is essential for the firework to earn that name.

All its components work together to transform gunpowder into stars.

A firework is a chemical reaction, just like love and hate. 

They’re quite similar; each one involves more than one of anything, or everything.

All of them could taste like gunpowder, ignite, and become stars. 

They all also have the same sound…

Boom.

The Science of Fireworks, more or less.

•~•~•

When Benzo died, Ekko was twelve years old. 

After Benzo’s death, Ekko saw him again a few times, in his dreams. He always looked sad and miserable, and Ekko blamed the feeling on not wanting to die. He was young; he had so much to live for.

He had a kid, and he left him all alone.

Benzo died by accident, a horrible twist of fate and, perhaps, destiny. The man picked up a call and ended up with a bullet, taking his life away.

Ekko didn’t see how Benzo died—he was in a safe place when it happened, with Vi and Powder. However, in his dreams, he did see it; his own interpretation—a perfectly structured nightmare. 

He remembered pretty well how, before waking up, he was talking with Benzo in Vander’s old kitchen. Throughout their conversation, someone was watching them through the window—an eye glowing in bright red surrounded by darkness. 

Silco. Silco was watching them. 

His presence made Benzo more and more anxious, desperate to say something to Ekko, but each time he tried to talk, Silco’s voice was the one that came out.

“You don’t know how to handle this, do you? You can’t do it. You’re weak.” It’s all Ekko could hear.

It was still dark when he opened his eyes, all sweaty and conflicted, with a desperate feeling running through him from head to toe. 

Ekko hates when this happens, and it’s not even because the stupid pills he took not so long ago didn’t work, or because they’re bad, or because he needs a higher dose, no, no. Ekko hates when this happens because he doesn’t even try to go back to sleep again. 

The mere idea was just unthinkable once he saw the sorrow Benzo carries in his eyes.

On nights like these—when dreaming is a privilege—Ekko relies on his phone for company for as long as he needs it; however, it’s not always the best resource. His social media is basically empty; it's just old notifications from the famous people and shows he follows. His games don’t tempt him enough—too tired to play San Andreas or explore the mines in Minecraft. 

On nights like these, he likes to see his gallery, travel all the way to the bottom, and see some pictures he took two years ago, more or less. Perhaps the date is way too specific, but those pictures are from a time when everything made sense: Ekko was a junior in high school, and Vi went to give a pep talk as part of one of the clubs she was in—and gave him a plastic firefighter helmet. They took a picture together, both smiling like everything was fine, normal, like nothing happened…

Then they talked and drifted away from each other.

Ekko’s phone lit up the room, the picture on it burning his eyes with pain and resentment. He turned off the phone, stood up, and decided to start his day regardless of the hour. 

Things are better like this. 

~•••~ 

Ekko arrived at school earlier than usual.

Wind was blasting against the coast with fury, a gray canvas hovering over the sky—not unusual, but a bit inconvenient for a bicycle trip.

Even on the second floor, doors and windows were buzzing because of the weather sneaking through the old building.

The cafeteria was closed; it was too early.

By seven o'clock, Ekko finished hanging the banner on the wall. He also managed to place some of the other stuff the evening staff had left for them: some pearly tablecloths, water bottles, flower vases, and the small posters they had made to hang around the place. One of them was unfinished; Ekko didn't touch it, thinking Lux would love to finish it—it was all glitter and purple; she's into those things.

He put some music on Lux's speaker—some Leo Dan’s classics playlist he found on Spotify. He might not know the lyrics by memory, but he loved to hum the tunes.

The place looked… changed, colorful, pretty—nothing like the boring plain white of usual. However, the blinking lights created a creepy atmosphere.

The chirp chirp of his phone distracted him; it was a message. 

Lux 7:45 am. 

Heeeeeey I ran into Scar in the coffee lounge 

7:45 am. 

You want something???

Lux was his favorite hero.

You 7:46 am.

Coffee please

7:46 am.

Black

Lux 7:48 am. 

Oki oki :D

She'll be late again, that was for sure.

But it didn't matter, not today. Their focus must be on the new students and finding a way to manage their schedules in harmony. 

It made sense that none of them showed up throughout the week; it was the first one, and they needed to see what was going on and how much they could manage on their own.

Gossip or not, their arrival was confirmed for today, and hopefully, it'll be a nice experience for everyone—or at least an experience worth the two-hour night Ekko had. 

“Ekko!” Lux blasted the door with her arrival, blowing purple glitter all over the place—the wind helped her a bit. A gasp burst from her lips, ecstatic. “Goodness gracious, this place looks… Ah, alive?”

Ekko chuckled. If her usual voice became so squeaky, it meant it was beyond her imagination. 

“How long have you been here?”

The door closed, allowing the smell of flowers and fresh fruit to fill the air. Scar was there, too, with some doughnut boxes in his arms. They took a seat next to him, grabbing a bunch of his paperwork.

“Around three hours, maybe.”

“Rough night?” Scar asked while leaving a cup of coffee in front of him.

“Something like that.” It tasted like life itself. “Had to have everything ready for today, y'know?”

Scar and Lux shared a look between them; something worry, secrecy—a complicit gesture.

They've been like this the whole week. Too soft on him, too easy on him. When they act like that, it makes him feel… cracked—like an old plate, like the streets near his house. 

Every time Ekko shows too many weaknesses, his friends tend to act like this. It's because they love him, because they're worried about him; he knows, but… He doesn't like to see his emotions reflected in them—doesn't like to infect them with his own misery.

“Sure. Big day today, huh? All the center team is going to work on the field… Of course you guys are going to be excited. Lux hasn't stopped blabbing about it since we ran into each other.”

Speaking of which, she changed the music; now, some R&B is lulling the place—soft and calm.

“Anything we can help you with, sugar? It's almost time to go to class, but I'll do it later.”

“Ah, yeah, there's a sign on top of the desk,” Ekko smiled, “needs some glitter.”

And Lux's eyes glowed more than a thousand stars. 

~•••~ 

The students hadn't arrived yet. 

Time was around 11:30 am. Lux was in class. Scar went to the cafeteria—girlfriend issue—so Ekko was there all by himself, getting ahead in one of his online classes.

The lights went off all of a sudden, a common problem with this kind of weather. It didn't freak him out; they'll be back soon. 

Still, the fuzz outside the center became more and more intense—everybody was going outside to see how bad things were. 

A tap… tap… tap… echoed behind his back; Professor Talis, he thought, but no. This was slower and intense; Talis was always running, just like Lux.

He turned around, decided to roll up the blinds in case the light took its time coming back.

A thin silhouette appeared on the other side of the door. Ekko’s breath hitched. It could be one of the students they were waiting for. 

The student leaned their ear on the door; it was easy to see, thanks to the semi-transparent door. Like an unfocused lens or a blurry image, the door made it impossible to see from inside to outside and vice versa. Ekko smiled. He could see that this person was lost, even from the other side of the room.

In his way to help this person in need, to show a bit of the center’s hospitality, Ekko walked in a straight line. Everything happened too fast, too slow. The student grabbed the doorknob from the other side, Ekko fixing the neck of his shirt, sweeping off some glitter he had caught.

The slow squeak of the door transformed into a shriek, and Ekko's heart stopped at the pace of the door. 

His jaw dropped slightly, and sweat started to fall from his neck.

No…

But there she was, right in front of him. She looked real… was she?

Well, maybe not. Instead of the natural beauty of her gray-blueish eyes, the purple glitter in the air emphasized a venomous violet-red color… That was new. Everything was new.

An oversized sweater draped around her thin body, black mini-shorts with dark fishnet tights, leg warmers, and boots; all combined with a halter crop-top as pale as her fair, bloodless skin. 

Messy hair at the length of the nape with a keen, side bang on one side; all blue—blue like a poisonous frog.

Life wasn't fair; it'd never been.

You can't be here.

I don’t want you here.

The girl held the strap of her side backpack fiercely, but she didn't look phased, not as him, not at all. Instead, against her amusement, she waved one of her hands at him, like it was normal, like it was nothing.  

It was unexpected, impossible, it can't be. 

…No

…No… 

No….

No!

You can't be here. You shouldn't be here… You… What are you doing here?  

Against every part of him screaming, begging for him to go away, to grab a stupid pen to stab himself and wake up, Ekko remained in his place, unable to scream, walk, or run.

Did you come back for me?

Did you miss me? 

I missed you.

You have no idea how much I've missed you.

He swung his glasses away—the ones he only uses when his sight is really tired—the blurry image stayed, all blue. Oh, so blue.

You're here. You came back…

He could hear the clank of his glasses against the table; he could still see her. 

Why did you come back?

She was real. She was there. Right in front of him, and she didn't move, not even a bit.

The lights came back, but everything was blue. Oh, so blue.

His heartbeat raced so fast, blood pumping against his ears, deafening him. Sweat falling faster and faster down his forehead. She hadn't said a word, nor had he. Everything was so quiet, yet noise was everywhere.

Say something, please. 

She never took her sight off him; always following with those big, daunting eyes. Her wobbly, purplish lip was mid-open, thin breaths coming out slowly, leaving a mint scent around them. 

Talk to me, baby, I'm begging you. 

I can't do it. 

I can't do anything.

His chest burned just like the salty tears falling down his face. Her image didn't fade. She was real. She was completely, utterly real…and beautiful. 

I'm not breathing.

“…Powder?”

I'm not breathing at all.

She denied it, and as if it were in slow motion, her hands moved slowly, creating a word—one he hadn't used in years.

Jinx.

Jinx was using signs. 

She never used them before.

“What?”

Sometimes, when Ekko feels too overwhelmed by his own mind, he likes to think about the sweet memories of his past—about his brief, golden childhood.

One of them was from back when he was ten years old. Young, happy, and overwhelmed because he wanted to get ahead in his classes, make more friends, and help everybody, all at the same time. 

It was too much for such a little kid. 

So he ran out of the class and jumped the fence to leave his school. He went far, so far; as far as his feet took him, ending up hidden behind an old, local grocery store.

On the floor, he became a ghost of himself, hugging his knees, scratching them, trying to peel off the skin to see if it would make him feel better, if it would take the burn out of his skull. 

Pulling his hair didn't work—it was too short—and scratching his arms only worsened the burning. 

He wanted to scream, to punch something, maybe himself, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't do anything. He closed his eyes, letting himself be suffocated by the hammering against his head.

“There you are!” Said a sweet, agitated voice. “I thought I wasn't going to find you.”

Sadly, Ekko couldn't look at her; he didn't want to. Now it wasn't the time to worry about anything—not like he had the chance to do it.

“What happened, Ekko? Your eyes were going crazy there. You're getting faster than me now.”

Her voice sounded clear against all the scuttling inside him, but it wasn't enough. It didn't make him stop crying.  

Ekko still doesn't know how she caught onto that, but in a second, he had Powder pulling his hands out of his arms, forcing him to hold her instead. She hugged him, tugging herself as close as possible, surrounding his neck with her arms; all his tears smushed in her cheek.

It wasn't enough. He wanted her closer, but he also wanted to be alone. 

Ekko begged she wouldn't leave him alone. 

Still, he tried to move her away. She held him tighter. 

“No,” Powder whispered, “not yet.”

Powder didn't let him go until his panic faded away and was replaced by crude sobbings, slowly transforming into soft breaths. 

It wasn't the first time he had an attack, but it was the first time Powder saw him like that… and she stayed. Every time he was at his worst and she was around, she never left his side—every time getting closer, so close, as close as possible.

For years, it helped. 

Like the sweetest medicine, each time Ekko had an anxiety or a panic attack, he wanted Powder close. He needed her right next to him—holding him, keeping him together.

Something in her sugary, blackberry-vanilla scent, in the dead coldness of her arms around his neck, had a calming effect on him; even when he grew up and his condition worsened, she was still his anchor to the real world—to the moment, the present. 

Then he lost her, and he lost himself, too. 

Over time, he managed to find a way to control his attacks, and it worked. Yes, maybe not as good, but it did work. 

The problem was that he couldn't do anything to calm himself down right now. It was too much. So he ran all the way to the center's restroom and slammed the door behind him. 

The blinking lights made him dizzy. A fuzzy, moldy scent filled his lungs abruptly, twirling his insights, making him taste his breakfast again. 

The floor had a disgusting, greenish glow as if it hadn't been washed in ages. 

The walls were getting closer, and closer, and closer…

Without being able to stop, Ekko fell onto his knees in front of the toilet seat, his eyes clenched the moment his stomach emptied itself; feral, guttural sounds coming out of his suffocated throat, just as the feeling of being drowned—unable to breathe with his mouth or nose.

It burned like fire—gnawing acid scorching his throat and nostrils—and it kept burning even after he emptied himself completely. Uncontrollably coughs echoed in the small, suffocating room.

Ekko started panting while holding the marble seat, trying to hold himself together enough to stand up again. 

Yeah, crybaby, keep hiding from her.

Pretty little Powder must be so proud of you.

“Th– This is not real. It can't be real,” he said to the air, “I'm dreaming! This is just a dream. Jinx is not here. She moved away. She's in Paris. Paris!… Paris!… Paris!…” Pulling his hair and ears didn't stop the burning sensation.

With slow, clumsy steps, Ekko managed to get to the sink. His reflection looked so disappointed and distressed. His clothes were okay, a bit shrunk but not exactly dirty. However, the stains of his sweat were visible.

A deep breath came out of his mouth, then he splashed water all over his face and rinsed his mouth. “Hold yourself together, Ekko. You know how to handle this. You… you can do it, okay? You're stronger than this…”

And no fucking dream would say otherwise.

Decided to take control over himself, Ekko held the doorknob and breathed again; eyes closed until he shut the door behind him. 

Jinx was right in front of him, leaning against the wall, still looking unfazed, or at least way calmer than he was.

It was too real to be a dream. 

Then, out of nowhere, Jinx grabbed something from her backpack. A mint—green and small. Ekko took it without hesitation, unaware of his actions. 

The moment his hand reached hers, shivers traveled all around him, sliding down his spinal cord.

The mint tasted like spearmint.

Ekko's eyes boiled with tears, “You're real, aren't you?” The question was more for him than her; a snort flew out, too. “You're as cold as death—you've always been like this.” His back slid against the door, down to the floor. His left hand covered his face so she couldn't see him disfigured by the pain.“What took you so long?” 

But Jinx never answered his plea. Instead, she left her backpack aside and knelt, grabbed his hands, and held them for a moment. A glimpse of sadness sparkled in her eyes, but it was being eclipsed by a haunting worriedness.

She threw herself right into his arms, just like the old days—like they used to be, except something was different… She held him tighter this time. 

Ekko shut his eyes and tried to move away, to push her, but he didn't have the heart to do it. He was weak, so weak. 

“Don't… Powder, no.” There was no answer. “Jinx…”

The only thing he could feel was her reluctance, and her embrace becoming more solid, closer, intimate. His heart next to hers, beating at the same speed; both as frozen as a glacier yet warm and fast like water bubbling on a hot surface.

It wasn't until that moment that Ekko allowed himself to finally… breathe. 

Air inhaled, coming out as a heinous, desperate howl. Tears were ripping down his skin, shaking because of all the emotions blasting out of him. Ekko hugged Jinx, awfully desperate to pull her closer, to fuse with her in one self, to merge into one being. Powder sobbed daintily, and it only made his bawling face more and more disfigured. 

Ekko had dreamed about having Jinx in front of him before. Always in a pretty place—the park next to his old neighborhood, the bridge in the forest, or the treehouse they used to hang out all the time. Always dressed in something gorgeous, swaying her long braids, hypnotizing him like ocean waves.

However, most of the endings weren't pretty; in one, Ekko yells at her with all the sorrow and anger he had kept under his skin, telling her how he had learned to hate her in all the years she wasn’t here.

In others, he just jumps into her arms and begs her to stay—forever and always. When he's daydreaming, he sees her and lets her go—those are the ones who hurt the most. 

None of his dreams had ended like this, and Ekko was sure he wouldn't change it for the world.

The burning sensation faded after mere seconds, probably, leaving something cold and sweet instead—something velvety, magnetic, and vibrant. The thoughts in his head were replaced one by one by such a beautiful word. 

Blue.

Blue. 

Oh, so blue. 

The tic-tac of the clock stopped; the lights were no longer flickering. All matter around them fell under an ethereal sopor, creating a calming illusion in the surroundings. Their heartbeats sinking at a gingerly pace stopped the hands of time, preserving them in their own definition of eternity. 

Thirty minutes, two hours, five years, twenty seconds. How long have they been there, flooding the place with pleasant agony and blubbering? Did it matter? No, not really.

Immobility—as cruel and compassionate as it was—had its favorites; Ekko used to dream about stopping time briefly and forever, but he never managed to achieve that goal. His blue, however, always had time wrapped around her fingers—working in her favor as a loyal vassal. 

His blue; his dauntless, alluring baby blue managed to brag about her amazing superpowers, again, same way she used to do three years ago and a whole life before that. 

Chronokinesis—her most unique talent.

Like the end of a song, Ekko managed to cease his sobs by trying to replace them with deep breaths, each time way quieter than the last one. Once his breath came back to normal, Ekko swallowed for the first time in eons; the dryness in his mouth and the salty flavor on his lips made him aware of himself on such a deep level. He was alive, utterly, rawly alive. He was living the impossible. He got his blue back, his oxygen... and it felt wrong, somehow. 

What a time to be alive.

Jinx didn't move away, still twirling around him in a tight, warm embrace. 

“I…” His crooked voice felt like glass in his tongue, “You can let me go, Jinx. I'm… I'm okay.”

She denied. 

“I swear I am.” Again, no answer. “Powder…”

She nuzzled against him, making him feel a sudden warmth in his chest. It was comforting, but they couldn't– shouldn't stay like that; not now, not forever.

Ekko stroked her back softly and kept his eyes closed. What happened to your braids? I thought you liked them. 

A sigh escaped from his chapped lips, “Please, baby, don't make this harder.” The whisper burned his tongue, but fulfilled its purpose after one last hug.

Powder let him go, not too much, just enough so they could see each other. Charcoal tears left a trace on her cheeks; she was trying to look unfazed, but he knew her better than himself, or at least he used to do. Jinx was trembling, shivering; proof of how much she had inside of her—how much she was holding herself back. 

Still, Powder pulled the sleeves of her sweater, a bit unsure of her actions, and tried to clean Ekko's face. He stopped her, way softer than he intended to, so he could sweep off her tears, relishing in the humid coldness of her skin, the softness of her cheeks. 

She grabbed his hand, the one in her face, and squeezed it softly, so softly.

God, I missed you so much. 

There were tons of things he wanted to say, to ask. Something deeper than rage and sadness, way rawer than the necessity of holding her right next to his heart.

“I haven't seen you in years… Since– well, you know since when.” The words were weak, unstable, keepers of a secret made of stone. “ How did you find me?”

Jinx didn't answer.

“…Were you looking for me?” 

Again, nothing, but she held him tighter. Ekko licked his lips, feeling how, maybe, he went a bit too far. 

Suddenly, a greater enigma took form before him. 

Powder was here, here, in her hometown… 

Why?

What was Jinx doing here? Jinx. Silco 's daughter. A heiress. A Parisian. What on earth was she doing here?

What was Jinx doing in the Center for Students with Disabilities?

“W–why are you here?”

But she remained silent.

Ekko's patience started to wobble. “Aren't you gonna talk to me?”

Powder denied. Her palms faced down, her right index finger whacked the fingernail of the left index with the fingerprint side of it. It was a word; she was using sign language, again. 

Can't. 

Ekko's lip twitched. The lights focused on her, making the blue in her deeper, her eyes more vibrant, drillers like a gunshot right into his chest—still pink. 

When Ekko started studying sign language, he took the elective by himself; Powder picked French 'cause it would be easy, as she already knew the language.

There was no way she was an expert now, regardless of how smart she is. Was she bragging? 

“What do you mean you can't?”

Nothing.

“Why are you using signs? You don't know how to make them.” 

Jinx's hurt-bunny look almost made him cave—back then, it would've been enough to make him change the topic, but not today; not this time.

Sadly, silence and his patience never worked together.

“What the fuck is going on, Jinx?”

Before Powder could even try to make a sign again, the door slammed, making both of them look away. Ekko held Jinx closer without being aware of it.

Lux, Scar, and Professor Talis were coming in with a blonde guy, with both hands broken.

“I still cannot believe you confused the papers, Professor. Sounds like a–” Lux stopped herself, looking completely shocked at them. “Ah…”

It might have been weird– well, it was weird, but Ekko took some time to catch that thought. 

He was on the floor next to the bathroom door, with Jinx using his lap as a chair—poor Ekko was trapped around her legs—both of them with horrible looks on their faces, or maybe just him; Jinx looked… better, more expensive.

Professor Talis left everything on the counter and ran to help them stand up. Worry and confusion all over his body.

“What's going on here? Ekko?”

Jinx didn't answer, and Ekko couldn't. 

“I– I…”

It was horrible how everyone seemed to hover over him, except her, who never took her eyes off him—looking completely scared, she walked backwards until her back touched the wall.

Ekko tried to keep focused on Jinx, on the safe feeling she brought him by accident. Still, it was an impossible task due to the palpable tension and the necessity of running away, crawling into him again, stronger than ever.

Ekko pushed everyone away, passing between Scar, Lux, and the blonde guy without looking at them, not caring about the pleas asking him to go back. 

“You’re Powder!?” Lux's loud, raspy voice was the last thing echoing in the hallway before Ekko ran outside the building.

Strong, fierce wind blasting against his face, sand embedding into his skin, sticking in the salty tears that came up unnoticed.

Ekko was about to grab his bicycle to escape the madness, going back into his place so he could hide in his bed and wish this day would just start over… but Scar stopped him with one hand. 

“You're not gonna get too far like this.”

Trying to move him away felt like an impossible task. “W– What do you mean? This is how I came here today. Move. I gotta go.”

“Ekko, you're shaking.” Scar huffed and crossed his arms. “C'mon, I'll take ya.” And he shook a bright, lousy, pink keychain before walking ahead of him. 

It was Lux's Lexus keys.

Driving Lux's car was always fun, as fun as it could be for two guys who could never afford a car like hers: fast, elegant, and expensive. A brand-new automobile with a leather interior and so much technology, the thing could easily be a robot; it even drives itself with just a button. Unfortunately, the car looked so disturbing and suffocating that it matched the weather perfectly.

Thinking about how everything had changed in less than a day was giving Ekko a migraine. It was too much in such a short time, and facing the painfullest ghoul of his memories wasn't exactly his idea of a good day. 

The question was still floating in his mind, bubbling up like soda pop. 

Why can't she talk? 

Back then, she could, Ekko remembered so well—her voice, sarcasm, and giggles. Her fizzy laugh used to caress his ears like a velvety mousseux. When did that change? Was she sick or something? What the hell happened to her while she was gone? 

“We'll take your bike after school,” Scar started, “Just focus on taking a nap and relax. I'll also tell your teachers. You only have Viktor's class left, right? Ekko?”

What happened in Paris?

Did she have an accident? 

Did Silco do something to her? Giving the bastard he was, it wouldn't surprise him, but… Who would do something like that to his own daughter?

“Buddy? You with me?”

Snap. Go back to reality. “What happened with Jinx?”

  Scar's knuckles whitened against the wheel. “…She's with Lux and Talis. They'll take care of her un– for today.” He took a deep breath, as quietly as he could. “Talis confused the files. Ezreal is the guy who can't use his hands. We ran into him outside the building and… You found Jinx, who's now mute, I guess.”

Her hands creating sentences perfectly popped into his mind. 

What the fuck was happening? Was she lying?

“That's impossible.”

“That's what her file says—Talis told me so.” 

“Wait, did you read her file?” 

“No, I didn't, but I trust Talis.” A cloud of discomfort flowed between them, “I knew about her the moment I got into the center. I'm as lost as you are.”

There was more than silence suspended around them in the small, confined space: the confused humming of the wheels on the road, the fearful stillness of confusion, the dusty betrayal coming out of the A/C, and anger. Ekko was mad at Jinx, Scar, Lux, the school, and the professors. Ekko was furious at Silco, Paris, and all the things he lost because of them… And, of course, Ekko was mad at himself— and abandoned—and distressed, too. 

A part of him felt happ– relieved, for just a second—an eternity—but now everything was twisted and bizarre, like cheese strings and Froot Loops.

“How are you feeling?”

Lost. 

“I… I don't know how to feel. I– I don't understand what's happening. Jinx's using signs. She–she told me she can't speak.” Ekko pulled his hair softly, trying not to fall into his ticking anxiety again. “I should be mad at her, you know? Scream, o-or tell her what a bitch she was for what she did to me, but… I just…”

I went straight into her arms, and I wished to stay there forever. 

“Did you see her eyes?” Ekko asked, a bit distressed. 

“You mean, like, if she stopped crying after you left?”

Didn’t you see the color?

“Not exactly.”

“Hmm… Don't be so hard on yourself, buddy. You couldn't know this was going to happen, and you've had a rough week. I think you can let it go.”

He tried, at least for the rest of the trip. Didn't work.

“You think she's lying?”

Wish my Dad were here.

“Fuck, I hope not.”

He'll know what to do.

Once he got home, Ekko thanked Scar for the ride and told him he would be back on his feet by Monday, that he didn't have to worry about him. A hollow promise, perhaps, but it was the best he could offer. Needless to say, Scar looked anything but confident about it—A sixth sense, maybe, or the result of knowing each other for years.

“Ekko, wait.” 

Against the heinous weather, Ekko focused his attention on the open window, trying to keep his eyes as open as possible.

He caught a glimpse of his friend pinching the wheel, “About Jinx, I… Be careful, okay?” His voice, as strong as a song to war, cut through wind and sand. “Maybe she needs help, but… but you don't have to be the one who helps her, you know?”

Ekko's brows furrowed, “What do you mean?”

“She's not your responsibility, Ekko. I know you like to help everybody; I know that's why you got that job, and I know how much she meant to you, but… Talis can find another way to help her. It doesn't have to be you, y'get me?”

The phrase stabbed him, right in the chest, making his whole body ache, lightning the burn feeling, again. “Yeah, I do.” 

Ekko knew Scar didn't believe him, but he let him go, at least for the rest of the day. He knew his friend was right, he needed to sleep, to relax, to clear his mind so he could see what he was going to do the next day—how to prepare himself for the Armageddon he called life— but, instead of listening to the reason, Ekko rested his whole body against the closed door. 

He exhaled and contemplated the monotonous order of his small apartment, where everything had its place, from the dishes in the cabinet to the unfinished pieces of art hidden at the bottom of the closet.

From a morning where everything had a how, who, where, and when, the mess Ekko was stepping into was a radical change.

It was like seeing a different person. 

No. The girl who popped out of nowhere like a daisy was a completely different person. The hair, the eyes, the absence of her voice…

What happened to her?

…When?...

How?

…Who did that to her?

There was no time to take a nap or sit down, no—this wasn’t a common cold or an occasional fever. There was no time to rest.

With that feeling in mind, Ekko grabbed his laptop and started to type all the ideas that kept smashing against his skull. 

Silco's death. 

Silco's family. 

Powder. 

The Parisian Council.

Jinx.

There was a missing piece in this puzzle: Powder came back to Ekko’s world, but as the Little Mermaid, her voice got lost amidst the cold, deep ocean waves that had divided their paths for so long.

He would find the answer himself. Waiting for Jinx to talk was not an option—not now—and even if it took him the whole weekend, sooner or later, Ekko will find the truth. Probably earlier, he was good at that stuff. Always ahead of time. That's his thing.

Ekko never runs out of time. 

“Let's see what you've been up to.”

Not anymore.

Chapter Text

The human brain is amazing.

Even when it's not visible at first sight, even when we are not aware of it, if there’s a threat against us, the brain would do its best to protect, preserve, and prevent.

Either unwanted emotions, overwhelming sensations, undesirable stress, or anxiety cause distress, the brain would block them—buying time, for better or worse.

Denial, or so people say.

•~•~•

After the wind, the rain came. 

It’s been days, and it hasn't stopped. Whether it was a drizzle or a storm, water kept falling from the sky, covering the city entirely. As if summer had disappeared overnight, today was cold enough to bring a sweater. A bit weird, given it was still August, but who can define what weirdness is? 

What is weird if not seeing the torment who followed Ekko’s memories as a shadow waiting patiently for a coffee in the school cafeteria? 

It was an accident. Ekko went to grab some coffee regardless of Scar’s warnings of drinking too much caffeine when his mind was ‘unstable’, blah, blah, blah. ‘Lot of chit-chat.

Scar would understand him only if he were in the same situation. These past six days have been rough.

Sleeping without rest sucks. 

The whole weekend, day and night, no rest; nothing but momentary naps. With eyes on the computer, going crazy with each second because there was no information about Jinx on the internet. Nothing. Nothing about her in Paris, nothing about everything before. 

The glimpse of her existence floated around Silco’s name, only addressing her as his daughter. No pictures, no data of an accident, or sensationalist news. It’s like she never existed. Ekko even looked for her Facebook page, but her account was no longer there. 

If he had known this would happen, he would’ve never blocked her in the first place.

By Monday, Ekko had almost given up, not because he couldn’t find anything, but because this topic had become so relevant in such a short time that it was affecting his life now. 

He fell asleep on his laptop’s keyboard, so tired that the alarm buzzed until it snoozed by itself, and Ekko didn’t hear a thing. It hurts—to lose himself in an old world, to realize insanity was walking next to him, holding his hand, probably before Friday. It worries him—the idea of being judged by his friends, of making them part of this when the problem was his, his and only his. 

Ekko missed school for the first time since he got into the university. It was unimaginable, a mere blasphemy, and something unique enough to alert his friends, who visited him after their classes. 

Scar was the one who woke him up with the loudest knock, knock, knock Ekko had ever heard.

Five more minutes, that’s all Ekko wanted. Just fucking five minutes.

The first thing he saw was his glasses on Scar’s left hand and a quirky cube lunch bag covered in Star Wars stickers on his right hand.

“My girl made you some oatmeal,” He said, shaking his cube. “She had the feeling that you would need a homemade meal today, and I had the feeling you were gonna miss school, also today. Feel like I can work as a fortune teller, don’t ya think?” 

That day, Ekko felt like he was missing something.

“What are you talking about? It's Sunday.”

“It’s Monday, Ekko.”

Ah…

It was unfair how everything changed in less than an hour, how Jinx moved his whole world by just walking into the center, how she still had an enormous effect on him. It was utterly cruel how she was just there looking like a magazine model waiting for her order as if their reunion—after all these years of being apart from each other—meant nothing. 

Like a mocking irony, her blue hair and hot-pink sweater make her pop in a tumult of grays—so easy to find, to stare at—even from far. 

She came back. She was actually here—God, it still felt unreal. 

It happened out of nowhere, unexpectedly, and all the things Ekko did to vanish her from the shattered pieces of his heart were in vain because deep, deep down, he might not be as against the idea of having Jinx in the university as he wanted himself to be. 

He was… relieved, somehow. It felt good to know they were in the same city, absolutely confusing, but good. 

Ekko wasn’t sure if he wanted them to be friends again, if he wanted to be part of her life the same way he was years ago. There was this pinch in his chest growing more and more each time he had the idea of doing such a thing, because what if she leaves again? 

He wouldn't make it, he just wouldn’t.

This past weekend, Ekko concluded that he wanted to know what had happened, and once he knew, they could take separate ways, linked only by his professionalism and because the school said so. 

They didn’t even have to talk, per se. They could avoid the uncomfortable idea of facing their past, their friendship, the night she abandoned him; all that could be buried and hidden under a rock. Things could be easy and somewhat normal… And then, Lux changed his mind.

She closed his laptop abruptly once he tried to look for answers one more time. “Ekko, what the hell are you doing?” 

No idea. The only clear thought in his mind is that he had to know why she was so different; he deserved to know.

It was upsetting to have Powder back because it made him feel stupid. He idealized her wrong—her reaction, her looks, her voice; that last one intrigued him even more than her eyes.

Her presence created such disappointment in himself because even with this roller coaster he had been living on for the past few days, Ekko was expecting more. How? He wasn’t even sure.

“Looking for answers.”

Maybe more anger—a different reaction from him—that would’ve been good.

Ekko should have been yelling at Jinx, demanding an answer to why she left things the way she did, asking her why she never contacted him in all these years. 

Ekko should be mocking her in her face, showing her how, even after her departure ripped his heart in pieces, he was still standing, living the dream. A career in front of him, good friends at his side, a promising future ahead, all without her…And yet, he didn’t. 

In the middle of his breakdown, his only worry was to have her right next to him, to hold her tightly so no one could take her away from him again.

That is, that’s why he deserved to know. For all things they did together, for what they were, for what she was to him. That’s why he’s been acting crazy all these days.

“No, you’re not.” And she looked frustrated; he could see it in the way she ran her hands over her face. “You think this—locking yourself here like some sort of creepy shrimp—will give you what you need? Look at you! You look more nervous than a long-tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs!”

Ekko rolled his eyes, “You know I don’t get you when you get all Sandy Cheeks.”

“Ekko,” Scar spoke from the corner, like a warning. “Shut up, she’s onto somethin’.”

“Thank you, sugar.” Lux cleared her throat, acting all of a sudden as if she was giving the speech of her life. She grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to look her in the eyes. “Ekko, please, if you wanna know what happened, then talk to her! Who knows best? The stupid news on the internet or Pow- Jinx, who lived all the things you want to know?”

She had a point, a very clear one, but…

“But what if she’s lying to me?” He spoke, his face now being squeezed by Lux’s hands. “She had a voice, Lux, she has one! How do you want me to believe she just stopped talking? It's illogical.”

“You really think she’s lying? Has she ever done that before? To you?”

 No, and Lux knew that, too—he told her how their relationship was nothing but pure honesty. Those times when she lied to him—for surprises, parties, or gifts—Ekko could easily notice it because of her voice. When Jinx lies, she tosses a bunch of excuses to cover it, her voice gets raspy, and she speaks faster than usual… and her nose scrunches a little.

Now that she wasn’t speaking, how could Ekko know if she was telling the truth? Her nose could do that because she’s itchy; it's not enough to prove something..

“What if she does it now? Things changed. Don’t you remember where she was? With whom?”

“I don’t care! And you shouldn’t care either!” Lux let him go; she began to walk in circles, massaging her forehead. “Ugh, I'm getting a migraine.”

Lux had no right to treat it as if Ekko was overreacting—because that’s how it felt. He was all alone when Jinx left him. His friends didn’t feel their insights getting crushed, their hearts being demolished. None of them lived through the drought, which came after he ran out of tears. Nobody knew how it was surviving without her.

This wasn’t easy. Was it so hard to understand?

“What do you mean I shouldn’t care? Jinx living in Paris with Silco is the only reason this is happening. If she had stayed, everything would’ve been different,” And better, he knew that for sure.

Scar tried to come closer, but she stopped with a hand. “Don’t you dare to say anything. I know he knows—problem is he’s as stubborn as a mule.” A deep breath escaped her lips, and she stopped walking, focusing on him again. “You don’t see how lucky you are, do you?”

“Lucky?”

“Lucky!”

“How can I be lucky? I’ve been in hell since she came back!”

“No, you’re not! And say whatever you want, but you can’t fool me. I see it in your eyes!”

“You see what?”

“That you're happy to have Powder back! You just don’t know how to handle this…” Lux looked at Scar briefly. He nodded in response, still in silence. “Talk to her, Ekko, you deserve it. Ask her for an answer- talk about her day, I don’t care! Just… Don’t miss this chance, okay? Tons of people would love to be in your place—to have a second chance, and you have it! Right in front of you! God knows she wants to talk to you, too. What are you waiting for?”

There it was, a new perspective—a different point of view. 

But, even if her words moved something in him, even if he felt Lux must be right about this, Ekko wanted to resist the urge to listen to his friend, to believe in her words because… The idea of getting hurt again holds him back enough to withstand impulses.

His voice softened, making him feel as though he was being crushed somehow. “...Why are you doing this to me? You know how hard it is- it was—to live without her. Why do I have to do it again? I don’t want to.” 

I don’t think I can, he wanted to add.  

“Because if you don’t do it and she disappears again, you will regret it the rest of your life.” Her hands clasped together, silently. “You loved her, Ekko. You loved her so much, I loved her, too, just by hearing your stories. Don’t miss this opportunity, you don’t know how much it's gonna last- Back me up, Scar!”

Finally, he leaned into their conversation. Scar stayed next to Lux, his hand resting on her shoulder. They looked so strong together. “Do it,” He spoke solemnly. “You’ve been holding a lot inside of you., It’s time to spill it out. And whether it turns out good or bad, we don’t care. We’ll be there for you…” He looked to one side, and it lasted less than a second. “Things will be different this time.”

And to hear that from him froze Ekko completely. Scar didn’t like Jinx; he used to, but not after she left. He said he could never feel empathy for someone who made Ekko suffer the way she did. Ekko respected the feeling because he hated her, too.

Still, this conversation made him feel like a child—one who plays with his parents’ nerves like in a ping-pong match.

His answer made him feel even more childish, if that was possible.

“...I’m not happy because she’s back, ’m just curious.”

He was a lot of things now that Jinx came back—now that they would see each other often.

The most logical thing to do would be to simply stay away, move on, listen to the voice of reason, and ignore his friends because he has had enough pain for a lifetime. Yeah, could’ve been the most logical way of thinking—one Ekko should have—but… There was so much Ekko wanted to talk about that it was worth pausing his reason for a moment. He wanted to see her, to have Jinx in front of him one more time. 

“Order for Jinx!” The barista yelled with tiredness, and Ekko walked away. It was his sign to get back to his usual routine.

Ekko breathed out once he left the building, water pouring fiercely in front of him. Days like this one tend to force him to take the bus, completely messing up his itinerary—a total pain in the ass. 

He opened his umbrella before starting to walk his way up to the center.

The memory of a younger Ekko running like crazy, jumping in the water puddles while holding Powder’s hand came to him all of a sudden. It filled his body with shivers. It was hard to relish those peaceful memories when he knew Jinx was actually here.

Something hard to explain is how much easier it is to miss someone when they're not next to you. It opens the door to idealization, to comfort in the hopeful ‘what if…?’ and isn’t that the best way to nourish love?

Another sigh escaped from him; one last talk, and then Ekko would walk away from Jinx permanently, for the sake of his mind. 

Given he had time before she arrived, Ekko started his usual routine: put on some music on the speaker—Juan Gabriel’s hits for today—turn on the lights, and prepare his laptop. 

He made a list to see what was due for the day. It’s been a while since he made one—it was kind of reassuring. The feeling of being back on track and in control of his life felt good… Yeah, really good.

Ekko saw his tiny, green note with a proud smile.

• Check if Talis left work for today 
• Organize Jinx’s schedule 
• Talk to Medarda 
• Talk to Jinx 
• Say goodbye forever and mark a professional line 
• Lunch 

Yep, that’s about right.

Personal things could wait until his job was over, and eating is good for pain and sorrow. Everything aligned perfectly. 

There was a vibrant sensation on the back of his head, like when you feel it’s going to be a good day, like when a small decision changes the course of everything. To put it in words may be impossible, but it was this kind of feeling that appears when the movie you’ve been waiting for years to see stars in the theater, or when Rockstar Games released GTA V, regardless of Ekko not having a console of his own to play it. A sensation big enough to make him tap his shoes on the floor at the pace of the song and just feel it, all the way to his bones.

Luego te fuiste 

Y que regresabas 

No me dijiste

Y sin más nada

¿Por qué? No sé 

Pero fue así

Así fue

Ah, what a pleasure it was to sing your pain out from the bottom of your heart—or lungs.

His personal karaoke session was interrupted by someone who grabbed his phone and lowered the music in a blink. Professor Talis—who surprisingly got into the center without making a fuss—was watching Ekko with a slight smile.

“Glad to see you feel better,” He spoke softly while taking a seat next to him. “I was going to guard the fort ‘cause Lux is running late, but you got here faster than me, as usual.”

The professor can be weird sometimes. Was that a compliment?  

“I was worried about you, Ekko,” Talis continued. “Scar called in sick on your behalf on Monday, and last Friday you… You weren’t at your best. You… I- It’s not allowed to hold other students like that while you’re on the clock.” 

Ekko’s good mood would’ve been disturbed if it weren’t for the professor’s growing blush; he was clearly uncomfortable with the topic. It made him chuckle; it was impossible not to. 

“It won’t happen again, professor. I had a meltdown. I feel better now. That girl… She just picked the worst moment to show up.” His voice went low and bitter unconsciously. His mood had been changing constantly these past few days—anxiety’s fault, he thought. 

“Do you know her?”

 “…Yeah, I do; we used to be friends. Don’t worry, I don’t think she’s gonna file a complaint about what happened.”

Talis didn’t laugh. 

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” A pause happened, drowned in uncertainty. “The girl– erm, Jinx, she needs our help, but if you don’t feel comfortable enough with–”

There it was, the brittle feeling of him not being enough to take care of himself—of making everybody part of his misery. Scar popped into his mind, the false memory of him talking with the center staff about their chat on Lux’s car was there, too. 

He wasn’t mad, he just… he felt like he was forcing himself to smile. 

“Scar talked to you, didn’t he? I told him I was fine.” And yet he’s the one who remembered Ekko on which day he was living. “I can help her, Professor. I don’t need anyone else to do my job. Besides, who else will if not me? You guys don’t know sign language.”

If Ekko was ending with Talis’ patience, there was no sign of it. “There’s always an option. Actually, I was thinking about talking with Medarda about–”

“No,” Ekko spoke frankly. “There’s no need to look for a plan B, okay? I’ll help her through the semester on whatever she needs because that’s my job and I’m a professional… Just trust me, I’ve got everything under control.” 

Talis looked at him for a moment, studying him, analyzing if he could really trust him. Ekko moved in his chair; this wasn’t a topic he wanted to discuss with a professor or his boss.

“Fair enough. I’ll let you be, but promise me you’ll talk to me the moment a problem shows up, okay? Helping everyone includes the staff of the center, too.” And he walked across the room to the door, white clothes ridiculously shining under the artificial lights. 

Ekko stiffened, on guard, defensive. “Why do you think there’s gonna be a problem?”

Talis scratched the back of his head and smiled nervously. “Well, to be honest, your friend seems to be… kind of a difficult person.”

No news, but weird to hear it from Mr. Patience in person. “What are you talking about?”

A spark glowed in his eyes, like he was talking about the greatest thing in the world. He bent down a little as if it made him smaller—quieter. “You didn’t hear this from me, but on Friday, your friend made Lux cry.”

Huh? Ekko didn't know that. 

“Wait– How?”

“Hey, don’t be nosy, kid. Gotta go. Bye.” He left and came back in less than a second. “If you need to talk, I’m here for you, okay? Bye.”

 Professor Talis acts like a teenager sometimes—one who loves gossip, to be honest. 

Ekko wonders every now and then if he has been like this his whole life or if it came with the career he chose. Talis is a social butterfly, a ‘cool professor’; he likes to be in touch with his students, with his peers, and tries to help everyone as much as he can. A person like him is, in all senses, trustworthy—everyone knows he’s good at keeping secrets. 

But those small conversations he overhears in the hallways, the little glances the dean made to the firefighters on the last drill day. All those small juicy details, which seem inoffensive, are Talis’ fun… Another reason why Lux talks to him, Scar, too—even if he’s not part of the center. 

Ekko likes Talis’ gossiping as well, but right now, he isn't going to admit it.

He went back to his duties, not bothering to close the door. 

“Phss, talk about nosy,” He mumbled to himself. “And you’re a professor… that’s even worse.”

The music went up again, something romantic, soothing, that kind of music that makes you want to dance with somebody, like love could be eaten by spoonfuls. 

Canto de tristeza

Por que lo nuestro terminó

Te vas, ya nunca volverás

Te olvidarás de mí

Y hoy muy triste

Me quedo solo, sin tí

The whole atmosphere whispered expectation, with a hint of excitement and something else. Something with no name. Fear? No- no, no. Fireflies on his stomach? No, not anymore. It was something more like… Like a humid breeze in the air mixed with the strange feeling of being observed, and a sweet hint of perfume. It’d been enough to make him turn around. 

Jinx was there, all pink, wet from feet to toe, unexpectedly happy. Ekko, for his part, panicked when he saw Jinx’s sweater completely soaked. 

“God, what happened to you?”

They must’ve followed the same path to get to the center—a ten-minute walk through the university—why was she like that? Ekko only got water in his shoes, although, to be fair, the umbrella helped with that. Maybe she didn’t have one- No. That's impossible. She’s rich. Rich enough to have at least one for these types of days.

She must’ve forgotten it at home…

Jinx didn’t answer, no words or signs came out of her, instead she only lifted her left hand—which had been behind her back the whole time—and showed him a cup exactly like his, well, almost. This one had two names.

Jinx 

Ekko ♡ 

He would recognize her creepy handwriting everywhere. 

“...You bought it for me?”

Jinx nodded vigorously, looking a bit like a cartoon.

Something inside of Ekko twirled, perhaps the gesture or the fact that he had already had a coffee. 

He felt bad. Jinx’s stupid coffee made him feel like he shouldn't have bought one in the first place. 

Still, Ekko didn’t hesitate to be honest with her. They had always been pure honesty, regardless of the situation.

“Thanks, but I got my own.”

Ignoring his phrase, Powder walked all the way to the table and left her cup next to his.

Coffee. Not. Jinx signed with a small yet goofy smile on her lips.

Sign language was completely different from spoken English. It has a different structure, and some words weren’t the easiest thing to translate. Luckily, Ekko mastered the language, which meant Jinx could say whatever she wanted, and he would understand perfectly. 

It's not coffee. That’s what Jinx actually said.

For better or worse, they were going to communicate like this.

Ekko’s heart ached. Seeing her doing signs was utterly… odd. A girl who never shut up, always yelling, fighting, defending her beliefs, laughing with her family—with him—in English, in French—was now extremely quiet, synthesizing her thoughts so they'd be faster to express.

Ekko suddenly hoped to see a glimpse of her snarky personality in whichever language she wanted to use. 

Completely ignorant of his mental dilemma, Jinx sat at the table as if it were natural. Her hypnotic pink eyes looked deep into his soul.

Are you feeling better?

Water kept falling out of her sweater; it distracted him—a lot.

“I… I guess so, yeah.” He couldn’t stop staring. “ Seriously, what were you doing? Looks like you took a swim on your way here.”

I went fishing.

Her sarcasm didn’t fade away, at least, just like the tickling feeling of discomfort inside of him.

Ekko blamed the remains of what they were; he told himself that was the reason he didn’t want her to keep using the soaked turtleneck. 

Back then, each time he noticed something, anything, that could put Powder in some sort of danger, he would stay alert, looking for options to keep her safe and cozy. It became automatic for him. If Jinx was in distress, whether on purpose or not, Ekko would be there in his shiny armor to save the day. 

The Pow-pow effect, that’s how Vi called it. She had it, too.

It was kind of stupid to feel like Jinx had to be protected, given how capable she was of taking care of herself, but, well… She said it was okay, as long as it was only from time to time. 

…It used to be nice because she protected him as well, and Vi, o-of course.

“Take off your sweater. You’re gonna catch a cold.”

A Pfft! Came out of her lips, followed by an achoo! Which, in Ekko’s perspective, was enough to give him the reason.

That was a normal sneeze. 

“Sure it was,” Ekko said ironically. “C’mon, it’s for your own good.”

Patience never worked along with Ekko—not all the time. Watching Jinx cross her arms as an ‘X’, having trouble taking off her turtleneck sweater, made Ekko feel a huge need to do it for her. He didn’t. Touching her felt like crossing a line, a limit he should stay away from.

The soaked fabric began to lift softly, like an angel’s touch, becoming a visual torture—a pleasure to the eye. While the pink continued to rise, a slight purple tone emerged, as sweet as lavender, as thin as paper. The more he saw under the pink, the more his eyes widened.

The wet sweater ended up somewhere, and Ekko couldn’t care less. He was mesmerized. His vision, his concentration, everything got hypnotized by all the… Clouds.

Clouds here.

Clouds there. 

All blue.

Blue. 

Oh, so blue. 

From her shoulder—barely kissing the skin of her neck—to all the way down her right arm. Because of her tank top, it was easy to see some of the clouds going down, down under the purple, creating an uncertain feeling in Ekko’s mind.

What else was covered in clouds?

It suited her. It made her look so, so-

Snap!

Jinx moved her hands in front of Ekko repeatedly, snapping her fingers right in front of his eyes to make him blink; it eventually worked.  

“W- what did you say? I didn’t…” It was impossible to look elsewhere. “Yeah, I didn’t.”

Something like a snort came out of her—it was hollow, a sound made only with her lips; no vocals in it. Ekko, completely lost, was about to caress the clouds in her arm to see if they would feel just the way they looked—cotton candy—but stopped himself from doing it. Instead, each hand rested on Powder’s sides, slightly touching the fabric of her jeans with his restless fingers, cornering her between him and the table.

“You… You got more tattoos.”

Ekko 's lips dried out. Her pretty face nodding so close to him didn’t help him at all.

“It looks… Painful,” He whispered to the air before looking into her eyes, little by little, wishing to get trapped in Jinx’s diabolical half-moon gaze. “Did it hurt?”  

It felt like a sin how her silly smile disappeared, disfiguring her relaxation and confidence, and replacing it with the proof that the world didn’t deserve her. Her bottom lip forward and fluffy cheeks only helped her case, and Ekko couldn’t resist it—he would never. Even her eyes, the most heartbreaking, honeyed ones he had ever seen, seemed to glow under the lights of the center in a beautiful, reddish-violet hue. 

Jinx nodded in response, slowly, sweetly.

Ekko gulped, losing himself on her again. He looked briefly to her left shoulder, where a lonely and tiny ink dot caught his attention momentarily, “Of course it did. When you got that damn mole tat, you cried for days. I can’t imagine- I… I don’t want to imagine all the pain you went through. I don’t think I can handle it.”

Who cares about anything else when his everything has suffered so much? 

His main goal didn’t matter, nor did their last talk. All Ekko could care about was Jinx, Powder, his best friend, his dream. There was this feeling inside him, a little voice repeating on and on with vehemence how much he missed her, and having Jinx like this—close enough to drown in her scent—was making everything more vivid; it felt unreal. 

Bragging about her superpowers one more time, Jinx, with a simple look, transports him- them, all the way to the past; to the times when they were younger and stupid—to the moments when Jinx would complain about anything, small or big, and Ekko would only care to make her feel better.

How can anybody think of making her suffer? His sweet blue. 

He leaned over her, matching her height, feeling a drowning sensation in him—God knows how long he has been without breathing.

“Why is it that you only do things that cause you pain? ” Ekko whispered without being aware of it. An amused yet soft smile escaped from him, too.

He licked his lips, feeling his self-control jumping out of a window. Powder’s eyes widened. Her arms opened gently; an invitation as old as their friendship—one Ekko was about to accept but discarded the moment he leaned enough to feel her breathing against his neck.  

The clouds smell like Channel. 

It felt like hail falling on his head. A snap back to reality. When Ekko said he wanted to talk to Jinx… He didn’t mean any of this.

“Listen, we need to talk,” Ekko spoke while making his way up to the center’s couch. It took him a while to look at her again.

“T- things have changed since the last time you were in the city- You changed! I can barely recognize you!” Both hands ran over his face. This won’t be pretty. “I overreacted on Friday. I… I wasn’t thinking. I- I was shocked a- and confused, and- tell me, are you wearing contacts or something?”

Jinx tilted her head slowly, clearly confused—although it wasn’t clear what confused her.

“Forget that,” Ekko mumbled, breathing deeply to calm down. “When did you come back?”

June.

June. June. She’s been here for almost three months… And they never ran into each other in the city. Perhaps it was a sign.

“Okay… Are you staying with Vander?” 

And Muscles.

His confusion lasted only a few seconds. Muscle meant Vi. She was living with Vander and Vi, which led him to more questions than answers. Vander’s old house burned down long ago— but they could’ve built it again. The news referred to it as ‘collateral damage’ from the tragic Happy Days orphanage incident—they were a wall away. Ekko asked anyway. He wanted to know. He wanted Jinx to be his only reliable source of information.

“In his house?”

Vi’s house. She’s renting. 

And again, all of a sudden, Ekko relaxed because of how fun it was to picture Vi owning a house. It made sense, given that she was the one who was always saving their asses when they were younger. It was still surprising imagining the same girl who worked day and night—and never had a penny with her name on it—renting a house… It felt so adult-like.

“No way. Vi has a house?”

Powder nodded. Border upper side. Kind of snobby.

“Huh…”  

How can Jinx say snobby like nothing? She's rich. She should be part of the snobs—thanks to Silco.

Ugh, he did not want to remember that. 

“I guess Caitlyn living on the upper side had nothing to do with it.” He teased.

She lives twenty minutes away from us.

“No shit, they’re still dating?” 

Either due to their differences, time, school, or their jobs, Vi and Caitlyn's relationship tended to fall apart constantly but recover in an instant because those two always found a way to stay together.

Vi is very stubborn.

“I know…” Ekko chuckled; another glimpse of his past popped into his mind. “Remember when we filled Caitlyn’s garden with all the gnomes from her neighborhood? I can’t believe she never knew it was us.”

Still doesn’t. 

Ekko laughed. Pranking Vi’s girlfriend was Jinx’s favorite hobby back then, and Ekko loved to tag along. Caitlyn caught them thousands of pranks later. It took her a while to discover that Powder and Vi were sisters. It took her even more to know little Pow-pow—Vi’s nickname for Powder—was Jinx, the menace who pranked her all the time and tricked her into following a dumb, mysterious graffiti case throughout the city for almost a year.

He noticed Jinx wanted to laugh, too, but didn’t. Ekko felt overwhelmed all of a sudden. If she was lying, then she was taking it too far. Powder was always laughing and now… She wasn’t. 

Ekko theorized she might be scared. Irrational fears come with anxiety—and hers was horrible, monstrous, even when it was just a tiny part of all her problems. They could be caused by nothing and everything. Maybe she had an episode recently and got afraid of using her voice. 

Maybe it happened multiple times, and that’s why she learned sign language.

He wouldn’t mind if that's the reason why she isn’t talking. Ekko never cared about Jinx’s episodes because his love for her was bigger than that. Jinx would always be his blue, his moonbeam.

“… How are you, Jinx?” His voice tone changed, a bit more serious than before, because of the guilt. He should’ve started with that question. “Have the goblins played around lately?”

It was a way to talk about her situation without actually saying it. It all happened as a joke after one of Ekko’s breakdowns. He said, completely devastated that “The gremlins in his head were out of control,” As an attempt to laugh off the circumstances, to get over it easily. It didn’t work. What actually made him laugh, briefly, was Powder’s answer. It caught him off guard. 

“Never heard of someone with gremlins in their heads before…” Jinx started as she kneeled in front of him.“Mine has goblins, I guess, and I’m sure as hell Vi has a fucking bigfoot in hers.”

Ekko laughed; he remembered it so well. “What about Caitlyn? She has gnomes or what?”

“No…” Jinx purred as she wiped away his tears. “She has lice.” 

No.

Ekko felt relieved because of it. His feelings about her were all mixed up, but he would never wish to see her suffer because of her mental state. Anything but that. It was off limits.

“Good… Are you still taking meds?”

Her answer made Ekko’s brows rise unexpectedly. 

Yes. The doctor lowered my dose a few weeks ago.

She was about to stop taking medication when they were sixteen. By now, she shouldn’t be using them at all. Powder showed him three fingers, and it confused him even more than before.

“How many were you taking?”

Five fingers up was her answer.

“But…” That’s too much, even for her. When…? How? Why?

I don’t want to talk about it.

Ekko didn’t insist. He was at her side before knowing her condition, and he was there when she got diagnosed and medicated. It had been tough. He couldn’t imagine how hard it was to go from one to five, then back to three—a whole rollercoaster.

“Okay, if you don’t want to talk about it, then we don’t,” He said after a moment, pure honesty falling from his words. “I’m happy for you. I know how meds make you feel… I am really happy you’re taking three instead of five.”

If Ekko had paid more attention, he could’ve noticed how Jinx looked confused during all their conversation. 

If Ekko wasn’t trying so hard to stay away from her, he could’ve seen how Powder was slightly shaking, how her eyes were screaming in desperation, how she was on the verge of leaving the fucking table and running towards him. 

If Jinx had hugged him, Ekko would’ve done the same, too.

Abrázame que el tiempo pasa y él nunca perdona

Ha hecho estragos en mi gente como en mi persona

Abrázame que el tiempo es malo y muy cruel amigo

Abrázame que el tiempo es oro si tú estás conmigo

Abrázame fuerte, muy fuerte, más fuerte que nunca

Siempre abrázame

~•••~

• Check if Talis left work for today 
• Organize Jinx’s schedule 
• Talk to Medarda 
• Talk to Jinx 
• Say goodbye forever and mark a professional line 
• Lunch 

Talk to Jinx. 

Talk to Jinx.

Talk to Jinx.

Hmm, they did talk, but they didn’t cover all the points Ekko wanted to talk about. They talk about her but not about them. Lux arrived before they could touch that topic. Her coworker gave them a weird look, followed by a very polite ‘good morning,’ before starting her duties. She didn’t look uncomfortable, but it was noticeable that something had happened. It’s not her style to be so… calm.

Perhaps, if Talis hadn’t blabbed about it, Ekko wouldn’t be aware of it, but now it was impossible to ignore.

Powder left a little after Lux came in because one of her classes was about to start; she didn’t need Ekko for this one. Her pink sweater was hanging in a chair next to the promise of coming back before Medarda’s class began.

Lux was packing everything she might need to help Chamomile Tea, the student she was working with. Scar told him the name, but it was kinda blurry.

Lux stopped on the table and held Jinx’s cup, now empty. A teasing smile appeared on her face. The names were visible even from his spot.

Jinx 

Ekko ♡

Before Jinx left, she grabbed one of the cups. Ekko didn’t notice she took his until he craved a zip of his coffee. Instead of the classic taste of his espresso, he was greeted by a sweet chamomile and lavender tea, which was cold already. It felt like a blast on his chest, the scent of her perfume still dancing in the air, torturing him like before. 

“How did it go?” Lux asked, caressing the names with sweetness. “Did you guys talk?”

“...We did, yes, but there’s still a lot to talk about.” 

A giggle escaped from her lips. “She is happy to be here, isn’t she?”

Ah, the sensation of uncertainty has become utterly familiar to him.

“Tss, it’s hard to say. She bought me that… Probably thinks I’m broke or something.”

“Or, maybe she’s trying to be nice.” Her eyes focused on him; he could see that Lux was having fun with this. “Weren’t you complaining about using the bus today?”

He did, but he had reasons to do so. The bus is expensive, even with student discounts; his bike and skateboard were cheaper and healthier.

“Doesn’t mean I’m broke, just wanna save money.”

The cup went back to the table before Lux went to grab her unicorn-blood coffee. “So, if Jinx is coming back in a bit, do you want me to… take my time? I don’t want to, you know, interrupt.” The way she said the last word embarrassed Ekko, as if he had done something inappropriate.

“You didn’t interrupt anything.”

“Y’keep saying that, honeyboy, but I feel like I did. If I had arrived five minutes later, you guys would’ve been smooching like two lovebirds on a summer night!” She fanned her hand. “Oh my! I didn’t know you were one of those guys, Ekko.”

He was about to make another list about all the weird things he had seen and heard today. It’ll be kinda long.

“What kind of guy? I wasn’t-” I wasn’t even close to her. Except that he was, for a moment, way before Lux arrived... Did she see them?

“Oh, sweetie, I ain’t stupid; the tension between you two could be cut with a knife.”

“There was no tension.” His face warmed up, forcing him to focus on the TV, which had been off the whole day. “You should get an eye exam ‘cause we were, like, super far from each other. ”

“Who says you need to be close for those kinds of stuff?” She laughed as if it were amazing. “I’m just saying that when I got here, I felt this kinda desperate, romantic mood, that’s all.”

Silently, Ekko grabbed his phone and changed the music for something, uh, un-romantic. Lux laughed again, which embarrassed him even more. 

“Speaking of Jinx,” Ekko started, trying to control the situation. “Are you getting along with her? Did you talk to her?”

Who’s laughing now? Ha!

Lux pointed at him. “You dare use my own spells against me, Potter?” 

Ekko smirked, “It was I who invented them.” He finally relaxed, his arms crossed behind his neck. “So? I heard some shit happened… Kind of a downer you and Scar didn’t tell me.”

“Who told you?”

“Talis.”

Lux crossed her arms, chuckling. “Accurate.” She leaned on the table, and they were side to side. “Well, you should know that on Friday, after you left, Talis and I had to take care of that… Stupid, cute hedgehog face.”

“Stupid hedgehog face? Wow. You okay, Luzie?” He teased. Those are her day-to-day insults, reserved only for her friends and brother. “Last time I heard you calling someone stupid was when Scar forgot your birthday last year. Did Jinx forget your birthday, too?” 

She called him a stupid leprous donkey face because she spent a whole month asking them to get the weekend off for her birthday, and Scar just forgot it. He ended up suggesting McDonald’s at 9:00 pm because he had been in charge of the night shift. 

He joined them in the celebration at the obstacle course, obviously—thanks to someone who took his shifts for the weekend—but it wasn't exactly a good experience for Scar. The road trip was uncomfortably quiet, and Lux threw him into the water more times than Ekko could remember.

He laughed, though. Each time he saw Scar covered in bruises from the obstacles—and Lux—Ekko laughed until he ran out of air.

It was a joke, it was a damn joke. Lux’s birthday would be in two months, but that vein on her forehead throbbed as if everything had happened again.

“That would’ve been better.” She went to the desk for a second, then came back with a paper in her hands. “Honey, when you talked about Powder, you never mentioned she could be so… difficult. Don’t get me wrong, she is cute. Hedgehogs are cute… I just realized I had no idea how to handle someone like her.”

Ekko took it; it was a known creepy doodle, very well done if you ask him. A weird-looking Donkey Kong next to a ramen bowl. On the corner, a few words were there, in the same handwriting as the cup.

Jinx.

No.

“You didn’t tell me she prefers to be called Jinx.”

Ekko held the paper tightly; some parts were slightly muzzy. “It didn’t matter before. Jinx was just a nickname.” 

“Powder or Jinx, you're still you.”

For Ekko, the names didn’t change the way he felt for his blue, never.

He himself had many names back when he was younger: Buck teeth, brace face, pocket guy, keychain, loser, Jinx’s bitch, etc. They weren’t important. The only reason he remembered those names was because, for each kid calling him like that, someone who was actually important to him called with names he really loved.

Powder gave him enough names to fill a whole page, full of hearts and stardust.

Vander and Vi call him Little Man. 

Benzo used to call him Son.

Names only have power if you let them affect you; nothing could change his mind about that.

“Well, you should’ve at least mentioned it. Jinx looked like she wanted to punch me because I called her Powder.”

I want to go.

“Did she?”

“Well, no, but I could see it in her eyes. She made a pretty strong case about why none of us should call her Powder, not even by accident.”

Not you. Just Ekko.

“She has a pretty strong voice,” Lux continued while rubbing her forehead.

Call him.

Ekko froze at the phrase. “W- what are you talking about?”

“Ah, sorry, I meant figuratively. The moment she calmed down, I called her by her name, and she just snapped and blabbed with her hands.” In an attempt to mimic, Lux pretended to shoo away a fly with both hands aggressively, as if it were a life-or-death situation; an accurate interpretation, he thought.

“Then,” She continued, “Because I didn’t understand a squat of what she was doing, I gave her a paper and a pen. You know, so she could write what she wanted to say… I couldn’t do what she asked me to do.”

Where did he go??? 

I need to find him. 

Lux then explained how Jinx was growing desperate because they couldn’t let her go like that; she was crying and panicking, dying to look for Ekko, who was probably on his way home at that time. It could’ve been dangerous to let Jinx like that, even more because of the weather and the fact that she didn’t know where Ekko lived. 

Ekko doesn’t like to be alone when he cries.

“At some point, she started hyperventilating, so I made her sit down.”

Lux held Jinx by the shoulders, raising her voice enough to catch her attention. “For the love of God, girl, knock it off! You can’t help him if you’re worse than him! You want Ekko to feel better? Then calm down first! ‘Cause other way we’re not telling ya where he is, you got it!?”

For a second, Ekko felt scared. Jinx is not the kind of person who likes to be yelled at. When her family yells at her, either for good or bad reasons, she cries. When someone outside her family does the same, they receive a well-deserved punch on the throat… Maybe that’s how Jinx made Lux cry.

“...What did she do?- No. What did you do? You don’t like to yell...” Well, she does, but only for ‘emphasis’. “At people.”

“I know, but, believe it or not, it worked. I told Jinx you like to draw when anxiety is getting over you, and she started to do the same after crying a bit more—okay, a lot later.” 

Jinx listening to Lux's orders, and Lux yelling in the center. Great. Two more things for the list.

“And…?” 

“And then everything went straight to hell. I don’t know what she was thinking. What made her think that drawing was a good idea?”

Ekko looked at the paper again, getting more and more confused about what the hell had happened; it seemed like they had everything under control.

“What’s wrong with it?”

Lux opened her mouth, completely offended. “Oh my God! You really wouldn’t know how to pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were tied to it, would you?” 

His brow twitched. There was no need to take it over him. “Why don’t you just tell me what it means instead of using your tongue-twisted-cockatoo language?”

“Cockatoo?!-”

Shriek.

Both stopped their argument the moment they saw Jinx on the frame, still relaxed with a slightly happy aura regardless of the surroundings; she had a ramen cup in her hands. No one said anything.  

Jinx walked slowly until she was in the middle of them. She gave Lux a curious look and, surprisingly, extended the ramen cup towards her. 

Lux looked at it as if it were an atrocity. She gaped, completely amused. It seemed like she was getting mad… Then her eyes crystallized, and her mouth wobbled; her hand covered it in a second. “I’m going to the restroom!” But she grabbed her things and walked towards the exit.

“We have restrooms here.” Ekko stood up, shocked and worried.  Whatever happened must’ve been pretty bad. “Lux, wait. We can talk it through.” He got no answer. “Aren’t you the one who always wants to talk problems out? We can do that now! I’m sure it's a misunderstanding.” Ekko looked at the cup. “She got you Lime Chili Shrimp, that’s a good one!”

He hoped the flavor was the problem,... Seems like it wasn’t. 

All of a sudden, Jinx pulled his sleeve, catching his attention. Ask her if her feelings are like bubbles in boiling water.

“What? I’m not asking her that!” Fuck, trying to solve a problem he didn’t understand wasn’t the smartest move. “Luzie, please-”

“I have to get to Ezreal’s class. I’ll message Talis to tell him the center will be empty. Good luck with Merdarda, and don’t you dare to follow me! I’ll bite you!” And she left, on the verge of crying, carrying only her white bow purse.

What the hell just happened? 

He focused on Jinx’s face, the purest interpretation of bewilderment—and a bit of a sad-emoji face, all at the same time. The cup rested on the table where she had left the coffee not so long ago. Ekko suddenly thought she was buying things for all the staff of the center.

She turned around, just for a sentence. What’s wrong with B.doll?

Barbie?

“That’s not her name.” He whispered in defiance. “Fuck… She’s not the kind that cries because of noodles.” Lux is sensitive, thanks to all the empathy running in her veins; everyone knows that, but this was on a whole different level. “What did you do?” He accused, way tougher than he intended. “What did you tell her?”

Nothing, Jinx signed before grabbing a plastic bag from her backpack.

Ekko kept his eyes on her, looking for the stupid scrunch on her nose—to see if she was lying, but nothing happened, and whatever she was doing weirded him out even more than her ambiguous answer.

“Then, tell me.”

Tell you what? He hated that she looked so puzzled. When did her face become that expressive? 

A sigh escaped from him, a tired one. “Guess old habits die hard,” He whispered. “Be nice to Lux. Sometimes you- Ugh. Look, she’s trying to help you. She has to help you. It's her job. Don’t make it hard for her; She’s the sweetest person you'll find here!”

Jinx’s brows sulked. She didn’t like what she heard. 

Ekko crossed his arms. “What? Do you want me to sugarcoat it for you? ”

Surprisingly, Powder rolled her eyes before turning her back at him to do whatever she was doing. That was new. Even if she used to hold herself back because she never liked to fight with him, her explosive temperament would sometimes betray her. Ekko thought this would cause the bomb to explode; this would be one of those days. 

He kept talking, pissed because Jinx wasn’t taking him seriously. “Ahem! I’m talking to you!”

Her head tilted from one side to the other; her lips moved, but no sound came out. She was mocking him.

“Jinx,” He spoke with a voice completely different than before. “I’m serious. You can’t be like that with the people who are getting paid to help you. Have some respect for our jobs! Not all of us are as rich as you are.” Although Lux’s family has enough money to buy her her own ramen factory, that's not the point right now. “Quit with your ‘Jinx’ attitude! And stop buying us stuff! Nobody likes a show-off.” Because that’s what he felt she was doing—that was the first thought in his mind.

Oh, Ekko knew he had touched a nerve with that; he could see it in the way she stiffened. Jinx turned around slowly. She was mad, but there was something else in her, way more noticeable. Ekko couldn’t name it; he had never seen her like that before.

If only he had thought it through.

You’ve changed, too. Powder looked at the clock on the wall. He did, too—her speech class was about to start. You should check on Barbie. I hope she bites you. She held her backpack tightly and headed to the exit. 

That’s not the reaction he was expecting. 

Ekko followed her all the way to the hallway. Before leaving, he noticed that the ramen cup had a lot of extra items: spicy chips, bologna, avocado, parmesan cheese, corn, and salsa. He knew the combination—it was Vi’s special treat for doing something good. 

His stomach growled just to see it, betraying himself. The cafeteria doesn’t sell those, only the regular ones, he knew that so well. Did Jinx bring it from her house?

Seeing all covered with the plastic bag—an old trick to keep it fresh—puzzled him even more. Powder was nice, she used to be, but mostly with the people she knew and loved. Jinx and Lux met less than a week ago. Why was she acting like this? 

Powder hissed when Ekko pulled the strap of her backpack to make her stop.

“You need me for your class.” 

Whatever she signed to him, Ekko couldn’t understand it. That fucking list was going to be three pages long.

“The school asked me to help you.”

I don’t need your help!, He guessed she wanted to yell. Her hands were moving faster, sharply, like the cut of a knife.

“I’m the only one who knows sign language in the center. You don’t have any other choice! ”

I create my own choices!

“I’m the only one you can talk to!”

Jinx rolled her eyes, shooing him away fiercely, her fingers pushing his chest. Shoo. Go away; that’s what it meant.

Something about that made him let her go; it had always been painful when she acted like that—so uncommon that it hurt ten times more than it should. Powder signed another thing he didn’t understand before walking away. Ekko did not give up. He tried his best to keep talking to her by getting in her way before she left. Jinx moved to the right, Ekko did the same. Jinx moved to the left, and Ekko copied her again. 

“You know I can follow you to your classroom-”

Stalker.

A sigh escaped from him. How did they get to this point? “I’m going to your class whether you want it or not, so stop making this so hard for everyone.”

You started it.

Wow, the audacity. 

 “Sure,” He agreed sarcastically. “Keep saying that until it's true. I could do this all day.” But they shouldn’t, at least not in the middle of the hallway. 

Seriously, Ekko was shocked because Jinx didn’t keep fighting. She turned around and left. What was going on? It’s not that he wanted to fight with her, but… That’s her thing. She doesn’t run away; she keeps fighting even if she knows she is going to lose.

He followed her, pulling the strap of her backpack again to stop her before going outside the building. It was pouring. 

This time, Jinx tried to push him away, but he was faster; he knew better.

“What? You wanna go outside like that? Your sweater is in the center, and you can’t use it.” That damn thing had the whole ocean in it. “Wait for me, I have an umbrella.”

I don’t need your stuff!

“Yes, you do! You’re gonna get sick!”

Why do you care?! Are you scared I’ll turn Barbie into a zombie or what?!

What does Lux have to do with this?

Ekko’s left eye twitched. “Don’t ask me why I care! Think about Vander-!” He stopped all of a sudden. That sentence didn’t make sense now. Whatever thing that was in Ekko’s mind was not going to happen. 

The last time Ekko and Vander crossed paths was at Ekko 's high school graduation. Vander went to the ceremony by himself, because Ekko and Vi drifted apart without return. He didn’t invite him. Up until this day, how Vander knew when and where the ceremony was going to take place was a mystery…

It’s hard to admit, but it would’ve been better if Vander hadn't attended the ceremony. After all the things that happened, it was just hard to be in the same space; it wasn’t the same. He should’ve asked him to leave, he should’ve, but… When Ekko saw Vander right there—where his family was supposed to be—with a gift in his hands, he didn’t have the heart to ask him to leave. 

It made him happy; heaven knows Vander’s presence changed everything that day.

They haven’t talked since then; they just didn't. There was always an excuse, a ‘school keeps me busy’ or ‘I have to work,’ but Ekko never gave himself the time to visit Vander. For love or shame, the thought of keeping distance from the people he used to think of as family sounded right. 

It was for the best; the other option was too painful.

If Vander was dead worried about his daughter’s health, it shouldn’t be Ekko’s problem; it never was, but… If he has the chance to help, he would do it; he has to do it. For the old times, for Vander, and for Vi as well.

What’s wrong with Bear? 

The bear sign almost made him laugh. What’s up with those nicknames?

“Don’t call him like that. He’s your dad.”

Papa Bear. 

He could feel a smile on the corner of his lips; it was ticklish. 

What’s wrong with him?

“Nothing,” His tone softened. “Just that he’s gonna get worried if you get sick and I don’t like that… Let’s just share the stupid umbrella and get over this.”

Jinx huffed, Do whatever you want. I don’t care.

Ekko would’ve believed it, he would’ve fucking believed in her damn words if it wasn’t for a small, little detail. 

Scrunch. 

More than happiness, Ekko felt relieved; at least they wouldn’t be fighting anymore. 

He followed her, his chest slightly touching the dry paint on her purple backpack; even with all the patches and doodles, that thing looked more expensive than all his stuff. 

They moved through the rain, sharing the umbrella which seemed to become smaller and smaller with each drop. To enjoy the view seemed impossible for Ekko, but it seemed like some people were trying to make the best of the worst; a few were jumping in the puddles, others were running and laughing, while some had umbrellas, others didn’t. While scrunching his eyes, Ekko noticed how on the corner, behind a palm tree, a couple was dancing in the rain. 

It’s been a while since he danced… It looked fun. 

Ekko crashed into Powder’s backpack. She stopped all of a sudden. A group of students was playing in the rain, a few meters from them. They were having a water balloon fight.

Ekko pulled the string one more time. “There’s another entrance on our left. Let's go.”

Jinx ignored him. By walking until they were side to side, Ekko noticed how she was analyzing the group, biting her lip the same way she used to do each time that quirky mind of hers was planning something. He was so mesmerized by her expression that it became impossible to predict what would happen next. 

Jinx whistled, loud as a canyon, with both index fingers on her mouth, imitating Link's whistling in Skyward Sword perfectly—she got obsessed with it years ago, and once learned, it never left. 

She held her middle finger and pointed it towards him. Fuck you, that’s what it means, and she looked awfully determined. 

“W-what are you doing!?” It was a loud whisper; he had to because of the rain. 

“She 's back!” One of the group screamed. 

“After her!”

When Ekko looked at Powder for an explanation, he was all alone. 

The umbrella disappeared as well.

 ~•••~

Professor Medarda was, in all senses, an exemplification of modesty and elegance. A woman capable of everything, smart enough to be a governor—or that’s what the dean says.

Of course, Dean Medarda was going to say that.

Even when Professor Medarda was part of the Graduate and Tenure committee, no one ever saw her ruling anywhere else besides her classes. Regardless of the place or hour, you could feel her presence in the air. You could feel she was going to be there. However, it was impossible to guess whether it would be an easy day or not. That woman was as predictable as the weather.

Today seemed like an unchallenging, effortless class, but the tense feeling flowing in the air made everything heavy. It wasn’t because of the rain, or because the professor was in a bad mood, no, no. What disrupted the relaxed atmosphere in the classroom was a young man, covered from head to toe in water. Drops were falling from his white locks, while his jeans were a horrible mess. His jacket was fine—it was waterproof. 

His shoes made a squish, squish, squish sound. The seat made a plop! When he sat down on a round table at the corner of the room. He stared at Jinx, on the verge of fury. She, on her part, was holding her laugh with no intention of apologizing; instead, she just gave him back the soaked umbrella. 

Professor Medarda, with her impeccable voice, asked for everyone’s attention so the class could start. Sadly, Ekko—the soaked man—didn’t want to listen. He wanted an explanation.

“What the hell was that?” It was a whisper; there was no other way to talk.

A Shh! Was Jinx’s answer, and she didn’t even look at him. Oh, but she would listen to him. He swore on Mustard’s favorite food. 

“We were walking together. We shared my umbrella. Why did you leave me there with those bastards?”

Powder smiled, and a vein in his forehead popped out because of it. 

“Oh, you think this is funny?”

“Ahem!” The professor cleared her throat. “Am I interrupting your conversation, young man?”

Fuck. That last question might sound louder than Ekko intended to. “Uh, my bad,” he said with bitterness.

Medarda turned around to the board after it, and Ekko saw it as an opportunity. He nudged Jinx’s arm to catch her attention and started to talk without words. This moment was worth all the years he practiced ASL.

His right hand got up to his forehead and went down while bending his pointed and ring finger. 

Why? 

It worked. Powder turned towards him slightly and started to sign as well, looking between him and the professor. 

Why what? 

Why did you do that? I thought we were doing okay. 

Jinx smirked, looking so proud of what happened. Are you mad at me?

Ekko nodded. A lot. 

Great. And she went back to pay attention. 

Ekko held her arm so they could face each other again. He didn’t say or sign anything, but his eyes were demanding more—more words, more details.

Jinx moved his hand away and signed carefully. Be mad at me for this instead of making a fuss about Barbie and me. 

What the hell does that even mean–?

“Oh, so you’re that student.” The professor interrupted, her green-goldenish eyes judging them with curiosity. “I need to talk with both of you after class,” She claimed. “Please don’t do that while I’m teaching. It’s disrespectful.”

Even if he didn’t like her tone, Ekko obeyed anyway. This was her class, after all.

The entire hour consisted of small concepts that the students would use throughout the semester. Everyone around them made notes, but Jinx didn’t. 

Ekko’s presence seemed like an extra in this class—no one mentioned a big project or a public presentation; it was unclear, and it made him suffocate, like all the times he didn’t know what to do.

Finally, after all the students had left, they walked towards Medarda’s desk, which had a picture of the dean—the professor’s mother—and two little kids on it. A white rose next to it. Talis’ face popped into Ekko’s mind the moment he put his eyes on it. 

“I appreciate your waiting,” Professor Medarda started. “I’ve been eagerly expecting to talk with both of you.” She looked at Ekko before standing up. “Professor Talis talks a lot about you, Mr.-”

“Ekko. Just Ekko.” 

She nodded in acceptance, not exactly happy about being interrupted. “And I assume you are our special little star, Jinx, am I right? I must admit I’m fascinated about having you take my class. In fact, it’s because of your condition that I made an effort to arrange something very special for you. My goal is to allow Jinx to have a normal experience for her speech class, because she cannot express herself the way we do, which means she would need as much help as possible…”

There was something in her voice that made Ekko uncomfortable. The way she was referring to Jinx felt… Wrong, as if the professor was trying to point out how different she was from the others. Moreover, the ‘your condition’ she just mentioned floated in the air like dust and stayed in the room with them.

“Hold on,” Ekko stopped her,  raising a hand. “You’re sayin’ Jinx is going to be the only one with different accommodations in this class?”

“Presumably, yes.” And it looked like the truth itself. “I believe we can exploit Jinx’s condition and make the best out of it. If you look at the presentation, there’s a clear structure of the idea I have in mind. The perfect strategy for two perfect potential students …”  

Ekko vocalized a wow, horribly perplexed. A presentation? Definitely something he wasn’t expecting. Jinx must have had the same reaction because her whistle echoed in the place.

“By giving her the chance to present her essays in the same way as her classmates, we’re showing there’s nothing wrong with her. We’ll start by showing it to everyone in this class. Based on their reactions, we could escalate this to the whole school; Perhaps Jinx would like to join the debate club?”

He looked at Jinx for a second, to see if they were hearing the same thing. Oh, he could see she didn’t like the idea. More than offended, Powder looked shocked, and her eyes were screaming the same thing as his.

What the fuck is wrong with this teacher?

“There’s nothing wrong with Jinx,” Ekko stated defensively, unaware of how he took a step forward, becoming a shield. 

Medarda stopped herself, analyzing them. “…That’s what I said.” She cleared her throat. “I also have big plans for you, Mr. Ekko. As I was saying, by working as her translator, we are showing how even someone like you can learn ASL and use it with a great purpose in mind. A- ”

“Someone like me? What do you mean by that?”

“...Well, Talis mentioned your background, and it amused me how advanced the classes you took were before becoming a student here, regardless of the schools you were in, and all the things you went through.” 

Yeah, ‘cause everyone likes those stories. A kid who had nothing, who lost everything, suddenly has an opportunity to have a career like anybody else; a non-special title, a chance everyone can have. 

Medarda continued, “You started studying ASL in middle school, right? Which means our system has advanced significantly. It's so inspiring to have someone like you here, after everything you lived; after your father-”

“Don’t.” He rushed, voice hard as stone. “You’re not talking about my dad. You can’t talk about him.” There was a deep breath, heartbeats beating his chest.  “Look, I get you’re a professor; you’re doing your job and everything, but you’re kinda stepping a limit here. You’re not using my life to inspire a bunch of made-of-money students so they could feel better about their lives because I made it through here, even when I’m broke and went to shitty schools. If I’m good at what I do, it's because I studied day and night. It’s because I’m smart. It would’ve been the same if I were born with a silver spoon in my mouth! No tragic stories here.” 

Medarda was talking about Ekko’s life as if she were going to share it with the whole school, as if he had given her permission to do so. Yes, Talis talked about his background with this teacher, which was okay, but it was completely different to share his story with everyone when he hadn’t asked for it.  

“Tenacity is what defines a person’s future,” as Benzo used to say. “Teach that and quit trying to use us for whatever idea you have in mind.”

“I think you didn’t understand what I-”

“Did you ask for any of this? You think this would help you understand the class better?” He gazed at Jinx, who was breathing heavily. Shaking her head was her answer.

Oh, when Ekko gets mad, there’s no turning back.

“Don’t talk about Jinx either. You kept pointing out her condition as if it were some sort of weird disease. She’s not talking, that’s all; tons of students never talk in class. There’s no need to put her on the spot.”

“I was not trying to-”

“You can’t ‘exploit’ her condition, she’s not a tool, you know? ‘Based on their reactions’? She’s not an experiment you can work with!”

Medarda tensed, her nails digging the surface of her desk. “I demand that you lower your tone, or I’ll have to call the school police department. Don’t you see this is the perfect opportunity to show how even against all adversities-?” 

“We’re not here to make anyone feel sorry for us. Tell me, how is this logical? Since when did you get the right to decide what’s better for us? For me? For her?”

“I am not doing that and, as for Jinx, I’m trying to allow her to be like everyone else.”

His heart was beating faster and faster. How was this person a teacher? “Jinx is like everyone else! She’s not different from me or you! Don’t try to take advantage of her for whatever reason you would have! Who would benefit from this?”

Medarda stood up; some wrinkles over her chocolate skin disfigured her stoicism. She took a deep breath before talking again. “Perhaps I should explain this in simpler terms...”

Oh, so now we’re stupid? “No need. I understand it perfectly. You wanna call the cops? Do it. Let’s call Talis, too, and see how he feels about this!”

“Don’t doubt for a second that I will not take action on a defiant! Listen, young man, there’s no need to get all feral about this topic. I believe we could all talk as civilized-”

“Civilized?” A scoff escaped from him; it was bitter. “How can I be civilized when you’re treating us like freaks? Call everyone you want, but I’m not going to stay here for this bullshit!” Ekko turned around, face all burned out because of the anger, and grabbed all his things. He took Jinx with him, too. There was no chance he was going to leave her with that crazy teacher. 

Their footsteps stopped echoing as soon as they left the building. A small roof over their heads gave them protection. Ekko, boiling in rage, ran his right hand over his face. 

“I can’t believe she said that!” Ekko said to the air. “God, how could she-? What was she thinking?” He huffed, glaring at Jinx for the first time since they were in the classroom. “And you didn’t talk at all. You should’ve said something, you always say something! Why didn’t you do it?”

Powder didn’t answer; she was looking at her shoes. It pissed him off. 

He took a step forward, trying to get her attention. “Seriously, what is going on with you? You’ve never held yourself back, and now you seem really okay with this? You shut up and let that teacher talk all that shit about you!” Still, no answer. “You know what? I don’t care if she’s the dean’s daughter or my boss’s girlfriend. I’m filing a complaint!” 

Jinx faced him with panic, raising her left hand and shaking it, as well as her head. 

“No? Why not? C’mon, say something! You should be going crazy with all of this! Why aren’t you doing anything?!”

As if time had slowed down, Powder, with the hint of a smile, raised her right hand until it was in front of his eyes. Of course, she couldn’t say anything; her hand was busy. Jinx’s hand was busy holding his; clasped together, fingers intertwined… When did that happen?

“Ah,” Ekko let her go, feeling embarrassed because he couldn’t remember when they started to do that. “Well, you can talk now… Tell me, why don't you want to file a complaint? There’s no need to do all the shit she wants you to do. This could be seen as discrimination. You can fight this! We can fight this!” 

No.

“Why not? If you’re scared about the dean, we can-” We can take this issue to a higher authority, he wanted to add, but his blue interrupted him with an unexpected and heartbreaking sentence.

I don’t want to fight. I’m sick of it. 

The closer he got, the more her eyes looked watery and afraid. It’s as if she were made of crystal and was starting to become more and more clear and brittle. 

Ekko didn’t see it at first, but Jinx’s eyes were reddened, with noticeable dark circles under them. She looked tired. The pale skin on her arms tinted pink because of the cold, probably. 

“But, you always fight back… That’s your thing.” His voice became a lull, honeyed with the past.

Powder shook her head. I never liked fights.

It felt like a lie. They grew up together, living their lives side by side, and each time she had a chance to fight, she did. She fought against their bullies, teachers, cops, the system, Caitlyn, and even her family, too—sometimes. The idea of Ekko not knowing that about her was unimaginable. If he didn’t notice it, even when they were inseparable—so close they seemed to share the same heartbeats—then, how much more did he not know? How much more did he not know her?

Suddenly, this strange day, the whole picture—which had been incomplete since they met again—seemed to start taking form, and it felt horrible. Noticing how he’s been expecting the same girl who lived here three years ago and realizing she wasn’t there anymore was devastating on an unspeakable level. 

“Okay…” He whispered slowly to those sad pink eyes. “So, what do you want to do?”

Jinx’s hands moved in such a sedative way, Ekko imagined they were talking at the same pace.

I want to go home.

His heart squeezed. If he could, he would’ve granted her wish in the blink of an eye… but he didn’t have a car to do that, and the bus might not sound appealing for someone like her, who probably has her own car. Also, going with her to whatever place she was living wasn’t something Ekko wanted to do.

“I won’t stop you if you want to go.” 

No one knows how much it hurts to say that out loud. 

For Ekko, who never had the chance to say that before, and never wished to say it ever again, this was killing him—like a blast on his chest, like a hole in the treehouse’s walls where he kept everything that defined them. 

Pain and sadness can do marvelous things when they collaborate. They could work as a solvent, slowly removing all those layers that covered the most fragile parts of the human being, to reveal how, sometimes, that part, protected from everything, had some wounds. Wounds that need fresh air to heal completely. 

Ekko’s wounds were open; he never allowed them to heal entirely. Now that Powder was here again, the layers became thicker, creating some kind of shell to protect him from all the things he pretended never hurt him. Ironically, having Jinx right in front of him was diluting the shell, allowing everyone to see that the healed part of himself was less than minimal. 

It has become harder and harder to hide how many of him died the day Jinx left.

It was hard to keep fooling himself.

He only said Jinx abandoned him out loud once because it became impossible to repeat it. The word changed each time he told the story. 

Jinx didn’t abandon him; she disappeared. 

Jinx didn’t abandon him; she just wasn’t meant to stay forever. 

Jinx didn’t abandon him; someone took her away from him.

But the truth is, Ekko had no idea of what exactly had happened. He didn’t know anything. He barely knew the girl in front of him, and it burned his chest to accept it. 

In his logic, in order to heal, he had to know. Ekko wanted to know. He wanted every detail of why things happened the way they did, but, when he looked at Jinx—something he thought would never happen again—seeing how her world changed way more than his—Ekko’s mind was focusing on one fucking thing. 

Blue.

Blue.

Oh, so blue.

He wanted to help her; he had to. 

Pausing his reason for a moment, for this, was worth it. 

Once he helped her, once he was entirely sure she was fine, they could talk about them. Then Ekko would walk away from Jinx permanently, for the sake of his mind. 

“I can do it for you,” He offered, “The complaint, the fight. Everything. You don’t have to be there; you don’t need to see the ugly part. Just say it and I’ll take care of it.”

Jinx shook her head, hugging herself, which, in Ekko’s head, meant she was freezing. He knew she didn’t want to do anything; it’s just… It was hard to accept. It felt like she was giving up.

Ekko unzipped his jacket and took it off. He put it on Jinx, doing all the work for her because of his impatience; what if she turned into ice? “If you don’t want to do anything, then I will not, but… You shouldn’t let anybody talk about you the way she did. You should never accept things like this- I would never be okay with someone treating you like that.” 

He zipped it to the top, barely touching the half-shaped quartz on her neck, then held her face softly. He wiped off the ghost of the tears he hadn’t noticed before.

Ekko thought of Jinx’s voice, about how it wasn’t there anymore, and how he had no idea when he would hear it again. How hard must it have been not to be able to scream at the top of your lungs?

He wanted to ask her—he was dying to do so—but, about all the possibilities that crossed his mind through the weekend—all the things that might have happened to her—all of them included pain. If asking her what happened would make her suffer, then he would never bring up the topic first. 

He would hate himself forever if he were the cause of her pain.

“We don’t have to talk about this now, and… Whatever happened to you, you don’t have to explain it, unless you want to do it. I know the past can be painful, but that’s okay; whether we want it or not, it’s a part of us we cannot change.” Ekko took a deep breath before continuing, relishing how Jinx’s hand held his. “Don’t listen to what she says. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone or try to be like everyone else, because you are just like any other student in this school, y’get me? If you stand out, it’s because of who you are, not because of what happened to you. She thinks we’re the perfect opportunity? Pfft! What’s perfect anyway?”

She had been crying, but it seemed like his words were the little push that tossed her down to the pit.

Jinx sobbed, all air and tears.

Seeing Powder crying is torture. Her face disfigured from all the feelings inside of her, a hectic breathing becoming fast and messier while the waterfall coming out of her eyes dirtied her face. It’s hard to see and hear. She used to scream her feelings out, tearing her voice in the process. Somehow, the aching feeling increased now that her voice wasn’t there anymore.

Jinx jumped at Ekko, hugging him by the waist, holding him as if he was going to vanish out of the earth; her perfume sweetened the air. She was cold as death; she had always been. The fact itself has been a reality forever. 

It has always been easier for Powder to resist cold temperatures; it’s like she’s unable to create internal heat on her own. She used to joke about it, saying she was some kind of shark or a crab; Vander used to call her a beetle.

It's funny to see her warm up; her skin turns pink and a reddish blush spreads throughout her face—it begins on her nose, it has the shape of a two-sided hook, like her freckles. 

She likes warmth, whether it comes from a cozy blanket or a heater. She loves hugs because of this, too, except when it gets muggy; that’s when she moves away so that she can cool down. 

Jinx had never broken one of Ekko’s hugs; it’s as if they’re synchronized—as if they had their own invisible limit, always changing, never enough.

This, this hug, was a fair proof of how not everything changes. A cruel reminder of how much he hated to see her crying like that. A pinch of guilt because he had been avoiding touching her the whole day.

Guess old habits die hard.

Like traveling back in time, like coming out of the death—being able to breathe again, enjoying the rain and the humidity of the beach next to their school—Ekko followed his heart, his instincts, he did something that didn’t heal all his wounds but eased the pain in the blink of an eye.

He hugged her, too, and no one knows how much he’s been waiting to do that, how much he craved it—since Friday, because they got interrupted, or even before, so much before.

God, he should’ve done this since she brought him the coffee.

He was freezing, too.

~•••~

Ekko walked in circles in front of the center, hugging his coffee cup instead of drinking it. 

It was Thursday, and he was not supposed to be in school today.

Talis emailed him yesterday, asking him to join him the next morning in his office so they could ‘talk about what happened.’ The email said Jinx was going to be there, too, and Medarda as well, possibly. He agreed, of course, but got early and decided to wait a few minutes to see if Jinx was around so they could create a plan, a strategy, or at least talk a bit before the reunion. Yesterday, they couldn’t. They got interrupted, again, by a phone call. He didn’t see who videochatted her, but the moment she hung up, Powder excused herself and left, almost running. Ekko didn’t follow her; he had no intentions to do so, but mostly, Jinx asked him to stay, saying she would explain it to him later.

He kind of hated that phone call because he wanted to hug her a bit more. 

Five more minutes, that’s all Ekko wanted. Just fucking five minutes.

The feeling inside of him could be defined as impatience; it wasn’t fear, it was desperation… Okay, there was a bit of fear there. He kinda fuck it up. 

Ekko didn’t fight against any power-mad person, no, no. What he did was confront an extremely important figure in the school, and even if he was right, if the dean joined the problem, he could lose everything—his progress, his scholarship; all the things he had fought so hard for.

He chuckled, trying to laugh off the problems… It didn’t work. To be honest, he was so damn scared his hands were shaking. He knew he did the right thing by standing up against Medarda, but facing how big this issue could be felt like a fucking glacier hitting his head.

Like a firefly in the darkness, Ekko saw Jinx walking in the hallway, looking a bit lost. He stopped, hoping she would see him—which happened in a second—and in the blink of an eye, he had her in front of him, with hopeful eyes and a cup just like his. Ekko had a weird feeling seeing her wearing the same clothes as yesterday, but this was no time to think about that.

“You got an email, too?”

Jinx gave him the cup so she could speak freely. Videocall. I don’t have an email.

Huh?

“Then how did you get enrolled-? Doesn’t matter. We have to be in Talis’ office in about ten minutes, and I don’t know what we are going to do. I know you say no fights, and that’s okay, but if we stay with our heads down and hide, it’ll be worse. I-”

Shhh!

Powder shushed with one finger over his lips; the sound was soft as velvet. 

In a conversation, we never hide from other people; it shows weakness. She started with pure determination in her sight. Heads high and don’t fight. Think through. 

Perhaps her words distort her image, but in that same moment, Jinx looked insanely unreal, like an aristocrat- no, like a captain, a mastermind who had done this thousands of times. As if she was made out of confidence, power, and the certainty that the world was hers… Ekko wished he could look like that, too.

“Okay… We listen, then we act. Got it.”

Jinx nodded. We have to have control of the situation, and they have to think that, too. Pay attention to everything they say. Look for weak points and use them wisely, only as our last resort. 

Well, he wanted a strategy and she gave him one—one suitable for a war; the idea terrified Ekko, on the inside. “Have you ever done this before? You sound like an expert.”

Powder shrugged, way too relaxed for the situation.

“...What the hell did you learn in Paris?”

She shrugged again. Trust me. It will work.

Ekko sighed, hating that part of him who would blindly follow her everywhere. “Aye, captain. Let’s get our asses kicked out of school. The sooner, the better.”

Jinx shook her head.

“What? 

She held his shoulders briefly and looked him straight in the eyes. You are our voice. Don’t get nervous.

Then Powder took one of the cups and started to walk away—to a trash can. Ekko stayed there for a second, watching her as if she had finally lost her mind. This won’t be good.

He rolled his eyes and huffed, trying to be as confident as she needed him to be, “This way, genius.”

When Talis’ door was in their view, Ekko stopped Jinx and, with a look, he told her what to do, like the old times. They tiptoed all the way to it, each one of them stayed on one side of the door—Powder left, Ekko right. Both bent down a little and placed one ear close to the little window in the center. 

Ekko has always been curious and good at gathering information whenever he wants to. Since he was a kid, he had this small habit of peeping outside the doors when the adults were talking—a habit Powder acquired because of the time they spent together; he saw Vi doing it too, though she always denied it.

“Okay, wait, I’m super lost. When did you make a presentation?” It was Talis, talking more relaxed than usual—if that was possible.

“I made the decision after I saw you so excited about this. I wanted to help you because I know how much you wanted to allow Ekko to sharpen his skills.”

“And I get that, my sweet potato-”

Sweet potato?

“What a fucking weirdo,” Ekko whispered to himself, though Jinx listened; she was holding her laugh.

“-I appreciate it, I really do, but you need to acknowledge that you went too far this time. I know y-”

“I swear it's a good idea.” Medarda interrupted him. “I wanted to give Jinx this opportunity because minorities in this school don’t have a lot of recognition, no matter what we do- You know this better than anyone! Remember how much you fought so Viktor could be transferred here?” There was frustration in her voice and a touch of humanity she didn’t have yesterday. “I know she could do great things if she had the support to do so. She could be a symbol! A punch in the face for all those people who think we are just a bunch of unscrupulous snobs!”

“...You should’ve said this yesterday instead of calling them broke and threatening to exploit them,” Talis said when he finally stopped laughing.

“I didn’t threaten them.”

“Nah, you kinda did. Mel, my love, I need you to recognize what you did wrong yesterday before Ekko and Jinx come. You didn’t make it easy. I know you had good intentions and your idea has an unimaginable potential, but it's their decision if they want to be part of it, not yours-”

Sluuuuuuurp!

Ekko stopped the moment he realized the sip of his coffee sounded louder than intended. His eyes widened when he noticed it wasn’t coffee, it was tea—it tasted like silver needle. Jinx changed his cup again, and Ekko didn’t even notice it. The worst thing was that it was better than his plain, black coffee.

The other side of the door went silent. Powder rushed to knock on the door and get to the other side, right in front of him. She gave him her phone in a classic contact info page—sort of asking him for his phone number. He did it, following her lead, trusting her because he fuck it up. Jinx pressed his arm for an instant, utterly calm. 

“Done.” He said once the number was visible on the screen.

Jinx smiled softly before saving the contact under a name he hadn't seen in years. 

Stargazer ♥ 

Ekko remembered it for sure, but felt surprised she saved him with the same name as before.

Ah, Stargazer; Donkey Kong’s worst enemy and greatest soldier. Krauser’s nightmare. Zangief’s right hand. Sub-Zero’s-

Talis opened the door; his impeccable uniform was now a black t-shirt and jeans, very casual, which meant he did not plan to be here today. “Good morning, Ekko, Jinx—nice jacket. Please, come in.” 

Yeah, the sweet-potato-voice was gone.

Professor Medarda was sitting on the left, the silver light of the cloudy sky coming from the window, dipping her clothes in a silver coat. Ekko sat next to her while Powder sat at his right. The thing was… Jinx sat as if she were the dean herself; her gaze screaming she owned everything. Ekko had seen her like that before, but this time, all Jinx was more… Confident; almost convincing him that she was in control of everything.

A nod of her head was enough to start the conversation, being Talis the one leading the group.

“Okay,” Talis sighed. “Let's begin, shall we? I asked everyone in this room to be here today so we can talk about what happened yesterday. Things were said, there was a discussion, yes, but I believe we can solve this issue without involving a third party…”

Jinx’s leg started to shake. Either she was nervous or desperate; Ekko didn’t like any of those answers. He laid his free hand on her thigh, almost by instinct, trying to calm her down. They would never convince them they were in charge if she were trembling like that. It worked—a little bit.

They don’t want to involve the dean in this.

Which means no fights. Great. Excellent.

 “...So you kids can have a peaceful semester and we can help each of you in that regard- Ah, you want to add something before we start, Jinx?”

She shook her head.

“Okay, then, Professor Medarda has something to say to both of you. Medarda?”

The professor cleared her throat. “I’m aware that I did something wrong yesterday. Regardless of the intentions I had, I addressed them incorrectly. I said things I didn’t mean to and talked about topics that didn’t correspond me. I’m sorry.”

Jinx huffed. Bitch. 

Ekko bit his tongue to not laugh at it. 

Medarda continued, “What I wanted to do was to…”

She proceeded to explain all the things they heard through the door, a bit more formal than before, but the humanity in her voice remained. Medarda never accused them of their reactions and even assumed all the blame, which, believe it or not, eased Ekko’s anger and visually relaxed Jinx, stopping the shaking.

“Jinx, Ekko, yesterday’s incident is something that would not happen again, ever. I’ll give you my word.”

It’s not that he didn’t believe her—he didn’t—but even with all the explanations, Ekko’s presence felt optional. It could be easy to justify Medarda’s persistence in her desire to change things in the school, her wish to create a path for all those who might face adversity, for the people like him, like them. It did sound like a good idea. However, Ekko wasn’t exactly on board to work closely with her.

“Well, that’s great,” Ekko stated. “Thanks for the apology, but I’d prefer to limit our interactions as much as possible.” Medarda and Talis gazed at each other. “Although if Jinx wants to be part of this, I’ll help—as her translator, not as an icon.”

He wasn’t here to make anyone feel sorry for him.

“I’ll respect it,” Medarda said with a nod.

“What about you, Jinx? Any thoughts?”

I don’t want to be part of any group or tell the whole university about me. Powder signed, Ekko repeated her words out loud, at her pace. Look for someone else. I’m not a good example.

In that moment, in that exact moment, Ekko realized he would fail big time as a full-time translator. He is not supposed to be affected by words, but his discontent was so noticeable he could taste it. Jinx was intrepid and brave. Anyone could look up to her, who isn’t afraid of anything… 

I never liked fights.

…Perhaps he was wrong about that, too.

You’re looking for someone with a big story and eager to tell everyone about it. You guys need a hero, and I don’t pretend to be one. I don’t want to explain why I can’t talk. You only know that about me, right? Why do you think that’s enough to inspire someone?

“I thought you faced many adversities, given that schools hadn’t implemented learning systems for people with special needs until recently,” Medarda explained. 

Ekko’s brow twitched. That was in this city because the system only supports the pretty schools, the ones that only rich people are in, not the ones where people like him grew up. The thing is, Jinx could talk before she moved out—she didn’t need a different system. Besides, she lived in Paris and was not like any other citizen; Jinx lived in Paris like the daughter of one of the wealthiest and most corrupt men Ekko had ever known. Such a title should guarantee she never faced any problems, able to speak or not.

I didn’t need any type of help before. I had a voice and I lost it, that’s it. I can see, hear, and touch. I live my life the same way I did before. Trust me, everything is still the same…

“... If I stand out, it’s because of who I am, not because of what happened.” Ekko blushed, recognizing her words as his. He stumbled for a second but recovered easily.

Talis squinted his eyes but let it go quickly. “Well, that was as clear as the day. I like your vision, Jinx; very powerful. I myself have nothing else to add, but if one of you has something else to say before ending this meeting…”

“I do,” Medarda spoke for the first time in a while. “I respect your decision. We will do the class as usual and require Ekko’s presence only if necessary, but both of you should know that the offer will be there waiting. I know we could work together for a better future, and it won’t matter if you’re a hero or not, Jinx; you can work to become one. After all, mistakes and experience forge greatness.”

There was no answer from any of them; the proposal floated in the air like silver dust.

Medarda said goodbye first, leaving right after Talis agreed to join her in the cafeteria later; she wanted a coffee, and her boyfriend asked her for a bagel. Jinx and Ekko were about to leave, but Talis’ voice stopped them. 

“I’m sorry.”

Ekko turned around, confused. “About what?”

“The way Medarda talked to you, both of you. When I told her who you were, it was because I admire you; you’re an excellent student, and a good influence for your circle. Your friends love you, and that speaks really well about you… The thing is, I had no idea she was going to point out your background in that way. It was wrong; no matter how I try to see it, no teacher at this faculty should address a topic you don’t want to talk about. I know your father’s story is something you want to avoid as much as you can; I shouldn’t mention it as part of your background.”

Ekko had no problems if Talis mentioned it in his conversation with Medarda; he was well aware he could not hide what happened forever, besides, Talis himself didn’t know a lot about the topic. His problem was that Medarda seemed to have intentions to make it public, and that she wanted to talk about it as if it were nothing. 

“We’re cool, man. I know you didn’t mean it.” He smiled, “You should visit the center soon, Lux said she had a good story for you.”

Because Ekko wanted to keep his carefree, nosy boss the same way he was before. Believe it or not, he was so relieved about Jinx’s ‘no fight’ deal. 

All of them left the office, Talis’ figure vanishing in the distance while Ekko and Jinx walked side by side up to the exit. 

The issue was solved, the problems were gone, they could relax now, which meant…

“H-hey, should’ve asked you this before, but can we go somewhere? To talk?...”  

It was time to cross out the last two things on the list.

• Check if Talis left work for today 
• Organize Jinx’s schedule 
• Talk to Medarda 
• Talk to Jinx 
• Say goodbye forever and mark a professional line 
• Lunch 

Because they’ve been talking on lapses and with invisible limits, always changing, never enough—like their hugs.

“...I have some time before going to my other job and-”

No.

Her answer shocked him. “W- No? Why not?”

I have to go back.

“U-huh… You’re going back to…?”

Hospital.

“A hospital? What were you doing in a-?”

Buzz! Buzz!

It was Powder’s phone; she got a message. Her eyes widened while reading, and she gave Ekko an almost apologetic look. Tomorrow. 

Jinx hugged him—just like yesterday—before walking away, waving a hand. And she left him once more, confused, worried, and feeling like this hug, just like the others, was… Not enough. 

“Stop buying me tea…” Ekko whispered to her silhouette. “Be careful.”

“Careful with what?” Somebody asked behind him. It was Scar, carrying a gray diaper bag covered in soft pink flowers. He was… not happy.

Fuck.

A sigh escaped from him, like a parent seeing their kid making the same mistakes. “I have some time before my girls join me. C’mon, I want a milkshake.”

~•••~

Each time Jinx is the topic between the two best friends, Scar drinks or eats bananas. Ekko sees it as a protest—a way to remind everybody how much he doesn’t like Jinx—because she’s allergic to them.

“So,” Scar started, drinking the milkshake almost in one gulp. “You forgive her?”

“Ah… Not exactly.”

“Hm…”

Ekko regretted not buying anything to eat—he could’ve shielded himself from Scar’s disapproving look.

  “I talked to her a little bit, about… All the things that are new in her.  I wanted to mark a professional line between us and stop talking to her as much as possible, but-”

Scar’s chuckle interrupted him. “Sorry. Keep going.”

There’s always a ‘but’, Scar forgot to say, but it wasn’t necessary. 

“We got into a problem with Professor Medarda, and- I had to help her, Scar. What did you want me to do? Leave her all alone with that shrew? She would’ve eaten her alive.”

“Who? Jinx or Medarda?”

“What do you mean wh-?” Ekko stopped abruptly, feeling the embarrassment flowing all over his body. He was doing it again—Justifying himself for falling on the Pow-Pow effect once more.

“What? Cat got your tongue? Heh. Take it easy, man, I’m kidding.” And he took another sip. “Did you ask about her voice?”

“I couldn’t.” Not after seeing those big pink eyes of hers, after seeing how much she's changed. “I won’t ask her about it, unless she wants to tell me… I feel like she doesn’t like that topic.”

“Understandable, yes. Sorry, man, I know that drove you crazy for days.”

Ekko shrugged, “Nah, it'll be fine.” Even if he was dying to know. “I wasn’t that desperate to know.”

It was a lie, and Scar knew it. Everyone knew it. However, someone like Scar—who had known Ekko for a life—deserves to hear the truth, to know there’s a part of Ekko who lights up like a Christmas tree with each silly smile, with the warmth of the tea. Ekko wants to say it out loud. It feels like it’ll be the best—perhaps it even eases the guilt he feels.

“Imma sound a bit crazy but… I like how things are going. I think Jinx and I- I mean- I think this could work. Me, her, like the old times… I really tried to mark a line, I even tried to be mean, and I hate it. Big time.” I wasn’t made to hate her, he thought. “I missed her and I feel she missed me, too. When we hugged, it felt like… Like the last and first time, all at once.” 

Ekko thought about that last night. He dreamed peacefully—regardless of the situation—with the idea that Jinx, his blue—his best friend, his baby, his everything, his Moon-moon—traveled all the way from Paris just for a second in his arms.

Slurp! “Hm, that means you are not gonna talk to her at all? About the past few years?”

Ekko scoffed, the ghost of a smile on his lips. “Well, I didn’t say that-”

“Has she brought it up?”

No, she hasn’t. Jinx has been acting as if everything is just as it was before, and it feels incredibly natural. Ekko questioned himself a few times, thinking it wouldn’t be so bad to take things right where they left off. Yes, it was crazy, perhaps even stupid… Or was it hopeful?

Yeah, that sounds good. Hopeful, like a miracle.

One that would tell him that he was doing nothing wrong, that everything could stay in the past—that he could see past this so Jinx could stay by his side like he always wanted to. He wasn’t betraying himself; he was making up for the lost time.

“We haven’t had the time-”

“No, Ekko. There’s always time.” Scar interrupted, putting his empty glass away. “It wouldn't take more than five seconds: I’m sorry. See? You shouldn’t have to wait for that.”

Ekko shook his head, “We could-”

“No!” He stated, voice hard as stone. “Not ‘we’; think about you! What do you want? What the fuck are you doing?”

What the fuck was he doing?

He himself asked the same question a few times: What was he doing? Checking his surroundings, that could be an answer. Seeing where things go, that works, too. Looking for the smallest mistake. Waiting for a sign, big or small; something in Powder—a comment, a sneeze—anything that would bring him back to reality, to the resentment hidden in all the love he had and missed for years—but not finding anything.

What the fuck was he doing? Living in a bubble because he couldn’t remember a moment when he didn’t long to be with her.

“I helped…”

“No, I’m not talking about that; I get that whatever happened with Medarda was beyond you. I’m talking about your name in pink with hearts on it in that cup and Jinx using your jacket.” 

“She’s worried about me-”

“But she hadn’t mentioned anything about the past few years.”

“No.” He whispered, feeling the guilt crawling at his feet. “I-it’s complicated. I-”

“Did you forgive her?”

“No.” The answer was so raw and natural, Ekko felt scared of it. He didn’t even hesitate.

“Are you going to?”

“I don’t know-”

“How can you not know?”

“I just don’t! Maybe- maybe this is all in my head. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal! Maybe nothing’s wrong…”

“Are you sure about that? You’re telling me that you haven’t seen anything wrong with Jinx at all since she came back?”

Her eyes, but it probably was a fashion decision… Yeah, like part of the outfit, o-or a cosplay.

“Did you forget how you were the day Jinx left?” Scar continued, unbreakable.

“...No-”

“Remember where she left you? What did you do when you realized she was gone?”

Ekko looked away. He could still see the young, stupid teenager bawling on the sidewalk with his heart in pieces, desperate because even if he ran all the way to the airport, she wouldn't be there anymore. She left him. She abandoned him.

Deep down, he never stopped crying about that.

“Don’t…”

“What about all the time you wait for her to come back? Think about it: ‘No mails, no messages, no-”

“No phone calls, no letters or postcards.’ I know, I know, I know! Stop! Just, stop… Please.” 

“Quit fooling yourself.” At that moment, his voice softened, “When I said things would be different this time, it's because you can make them different, but if you don’t do anything, nothing’s gonna change. You shouldn’t live that again, you can’t.”

“...You’re right. I wouldn’t handle it…” 

He’s not that strong. He's weak, so weak.

Ekko might not remember all of his weakest moments, but Scar did. He stayed at his side all the time Ekko poured his heart out; he joined him each time Ekko drank his pain, bottle after bottle. Even when his girlfriend locked him outside the apartment and Scar had to stay at Ekko’s, he never left him alone.

A friend like that deserves only the best, and for that, Ekko felt miserable—because he wanted to persuade him. If Scar says this might work, it's because it would. He was wise and clever. He was Ekko’s older brother. If Ekko could have his past in the present, everything would be amazing. 

What if he doesn’t have to hold himself back anymore? What if he wants to touch cotton candy and smell the clouds? What if he wants to write names with hearts on them, too? What if it works?

“What if things are different this time? Like you said. What if…? What if we could just keep moving forward? With eyes closed.” 

It could work. 

He would make it work.

I’ve got this.

“You think you could live like that? Pretending nothing happened?”

No, but… There’s always a first time.

“...A few more days, that’s all I ask, a few more days…” Ekko mumbled, defeated. “I want this to last just a little bit more… If Jinx doesn’t bring the topic, then I’ll do it myself.”

He wanted to leave, to be alone. There was still time before his shift, but he couldn’t face Scar anymore; he was ashamed of himself. He felt guilty. 

“The longer you wait to talk about it, the longer it takes to get fixed.”

~•••~

There’s nothing new about giving the benefit of the doubt to an old friend. 

Ekko knows Powder; he grew up with her, literally doing everything together. If she hasn’t said anything about them and about what happened the day she left, it's because… They haven’t had the time for it, but he’ll wait for it. If Jinx stops time whenever she wants, Ekko can wait for time. It’ll come, sooner or later.

This was the right thing. 

Anxiety works kind of differently when Ekko feels like this—conflicted, nervous. Time goes faster than usual, and he can actually see it; in the pace of the music on his phone, in his watch, in the news lady on the TV who seems to be rapping instead of talking. Also, he was very distracted, to an unspeakable level. His lunch came in and out of his backpack almost three times; his books were there, but his homework wasn’t—he left it in the sink, who knows why—and, at some point, his toothbrush ended up in the laptop compartment. 

Oh, Ekko was going crazy; he could feel it. 

Yet, even with this heavy burden on his shoulders, Ekko felt strangely happy. It wasn’t a perfect morning, but he had a feeling all the problems floating around him would be solved today, or at least he would get an idea of how to solve this. 

It's called being stup- optimistic, yes. Optimistic and hopeful.

Ekko had no idea, but this morning, he used more cologne than usual and picked his favorite jeans, as well as his good t-shirt, the white one—white, brand-new-white, not I-saw-a-TikTok-tutorial-to-learn-how-to-wash-this-and-it-did n't-work white. His white locks were tied in a bun, revealing the silver earrings that shone in the sun. He wore his Air Jordan as well—the ones he had saved for ages to get.

It is as if, unconsciously, he wanted to look better than usual, as if he was expecting something more than special to happen today, a miracle… Perhaps another hug?

He got a coffee, even if he didn’t need it this time. Still taking the bus thanks to some flooded streets and mud. Monotony embraced him, bringing a strong sense of security with it. The slight blinking lights in the center, music on the speaker—old, romantic, and in Spanish, of course—Ekko checking what he had to do for the day. It was nice, it felt nice, but there was something that was making him desperate: time was passing SUUUUUUPER slow.

Huh, ironic, isn’t it?

He swept the center, cleaned the blinds, fixed Lux’s desk, and started some of his online class activities, everything before eight thirty. What was going on? Lux should be kicking the door by now. Ekko waited for it—for steps, for sounds, any sign of life…

He waited…

And waited

…And waited.

And it wasn’t until 8:57 am that someone kicked the door of the center. A bluebird’s nest, blue as Neptune, with her clothes being nothing but a disaster—dirty, torn, and with colorful, dry paint all over it. Ekko watched her in silence, shocked because of her appearance; completely different from the rich girl he had seen the past few days. Jinx threw her backpack somewhere, leaving a cup exactly like his on the desk, and collapsed on the couch, facing the roof.

Ekko walked slowly, looking right at her face… She was pissed. Jinx blew a raspberry the moment her eyes focused on his.

Pbbbt! 

Bewitching; that's the best way to describe her. It’s like staring at a marshmallow, a bit burned on the edges, but that’s part of her charm.

“What happened to you?”

You asked the same question last time. She answered after a while, without taking her big eyes off him. 

“Can you blame me? You’ve only been here a week, and it looks like everything around you is upside down.” He smiled, inadvertently. “What happened? Did a clown attack you?”

Jinx shook her head. I wish. 

“Heh… Everything all right? Your text was kinda… Confusing.”

Because Ekko sent her a message yesterday after work, asking if all the hospital thing was something to worry about—if she and her family were fine, and if there was something he could help with. The text floated all alone in the conversation for hours. It wasn’t until way later that a name popped out on the screen, one Ekko thought only belonged to his most twisted dreams. 

Moonbeam 11:11 pm. 

:)

Since she saved him as Stargazer, he used her matching nickname as well, trying to ignore how intimate it felt to use it again, how dreamy it was to see it on his phone once more. 

Stargazer and Moonbeam, the ultimate dynamic duo. The unstoppable. The inevitable. The owners of the second place in the California Video Game Championship—Arcade League, 2011.

Good times. Good times.

Jinx nodded, then put her index finger and thumb together in front of the middle of her cheek and twisted her hand forward, with the cutest smile on her lips. Yes. It's cool. 

“Great… Were you, like, volunteering or something?”

No.

It would be weird if she were. Usually, Ekko used to drag her to those kinds of stuff. 

“Then, what were you doing?”

Powder raised a brow, confused. You don’t know?

Ekko squinted a bit, “...I don’t know what?”

But she shook her head. Later. You wanted to talk. We’ll talk later.

They were going to talk. Jinx wanted to talk. This- this is what Ekko was hoping for. 

They’ll talk about them, about their past, present, and future. They could work it out. They could find a neutral point—a grey area. They can stay like this and just keep moving forward with eyes closed.

It could work. 

They would make it work.

We’ve got this.

“Awesome,” And his smile lit the room more than the blinking lights on the ceiling. “I’m free after one. You?”

One-thirty.

“Great; I’ll wait for you in the hallway.”

And he was about to walk away, to check their new plan for Jinx’s speech class—because Ekko planned to go with her this time, just to check with Medarda how much he had to be involved—then Jinx grabbed the hem of his t-shirt, and all his attention went back to her. 

I bought tea.

Ekko glanced at her cup, having some sort of déjà vu. “For you?”

For you. 

Oh, how stubborn she was.

“You little… Show-off, ” He spoke, softer than intended. “This is the third time... Why are you buying me tea?”

Because you keep buying coffee, she signed, worry all over her face. You’ve been anxious and weird for days. You shouldn’t have caffeine.

Says the girl with the bird’s nest on her hair. 

“Me? Weird? Heh, yeah, sure. Let’s pretend I’m the weird one…” As if she wasn’t exactly like him. ‘A match in heaven’—like Benzo used to say, back when Ekko was way too young to understand what it meant. “What if my coffee is decaf? You don’t know if it is.”

You don’t like decaf.

“Ah… Yeah, you’re right…” He sighed, defeated. “How about this? I’ll stop buying coffee and you’ll stop buying me tea, all right? I know you have tons of money, but don’t waste it on me; it feels wrong.”

Jinx raised a brow, confused. You think five dollars is a lot?

That’s not at all what he meant. “They charged you five bucks for tea? But they cost 2.50.”

I bought something else from the vending machine.

Oh, Jinx and the vending machines; that was worth a whole book.

“Surprised you spent so much in the vending machines with your luck, but okay… Did whatever you bought have something to do with- With how you look right now?”

No.

“No?” Ekko kneeled a bit so they could be closer. In his head, being next to each other would help him to understand better. “Then what happened? What did y-” He stopped, last time he accused her, they got into a fight. 

I played paintball.

Huh?

“Jinx, we don’t have paintball in school.” But the confidence in her face made him doubt his knowledge.

I know.

“Then, how-?”

Don’t worry. I win.

Oh, he was so worried right now. Nobody had to tell him the menace Jinx could be; he had seen it firsthand.

“W-what, what did you win?”

Enemies. 

She looked so serious, Ekko didn’t want to question her about it.

“Okay!” A pop! came out of his lips. “I wasn’t expecting this today, so wanna check what we’re gonna do about your class? Wanna have breakfast? We have a microwave.” He stood up and was about to leave to get his own breakfast, but a hand grabbing his jeans stopped him. Ekko turned around slowly. “Yes?”

Jinx brought her left arm in front of her torso, while the other one created some sort of rhythm—back and forth—as if she was conducting music. That’s what it meant: Music. Ekko supposed it was a question.

“What? You don’t like it?”

You. You didn’t like that kind of music before.

There was a smirk on the verge of his lips. The song filled his heart with something fuzzy, dipped in honey.

Y mi sentimiento

No lo cambiaré jamás

Aunque sufra este momento

Me quedas tú

“Baby, some things might’ve changed, but I still am a hopeless romantic.” The nickname got away from him by accident, so unconscious that he didn't even notice it. “It’s nice to have a little romance in my life. It helps me daydream.”

The two-sided freckle hook on her face started to get more and more tinted, deep reddish pink, like a cherry. You want romance? Jinx asked with a soft pace, sweet as candy.

“Sometimes, yeah.” Ekko shrugged. “ ‘Though, imma bit too old for that shit. I’m fine with just music.” He turned around, walking away, focusing on the microwave, hungry. “So, you want some bre- AH!”

Out of nowhere, Jinx tackled him, well, sort of. She jumped on him, as if she wanted a piggyback ride. Ekko staggered, automatically holding her thighs so she would stop trying to climb higher.

“What are you doing?!”

Shh!, Jinx answered. She was trying to gain more balance by hugging his neck.

“H-hey! Stop!”

In what Ekko would call his smartest movement, he freed his hands so he could grab the table to stop spinning around the center like a whirlpool. It worked. Still, Jinx climbed higher, moving like a worm on his back. Who knows what she was trying to do?

Ekko breathed heavily, trying to articulate his thoughts. “If my boss walks in, we’re gonna be in trouble,” He said slowly, remembering when Talis interrupted them the day they met again. “I need you to get off me because if I lose my job, I’m gonna end up selling gum next to a stop sign and I’ll blame you for the rest of my life, okay?”

Jinx shushed him, a bit more dryly than the last time. Ekko felt how she hugged him tighter with just one arm, then he heard a rattle and something tearing. Her breath against his left side warmed his face, and when her lips rose to his ear, shivers flowed all over his body. 

Fizz.

Fizz.

Fizz.

That’s all he could hear. 

Pop!

Hm, so that’s what she bought…

The smell of paint, as well as her perfume, and the unexpected sweet hints of green apples did nothing but intoxicate his senses. The sound of the popping candy in his ear made him remember that warm New Year when they sneaked out to watch the fireworks from the rooftop. It was romantic, in their own way—their own definition. 

Oh, those days were worth remembering. Actually, among all his paintings, there was one about a beautiful dream he had that night; a young woman with hair dark as midnight and blinding fireworks as eyes. Ekko named her Andromeda—like the myth, the galaxy, the constellation.

The bip, bip, bip of his heart followed a slow, harmonic pace, and his head leaned into her almost instinctively, his eyes closed. If Ekko was mad, he wasn’t anymore. He was calm and relaxed, but his face was burning. 

“You got it wrong,” He said after a while. “It was blueberry… Did you forget about it?”

He would never, no matter how much he tried to.

Ekko felt how Jinx shook her head. She hugged him with both arms and rested her head against his. It felt good, natural, like the old times, like what they used to be.

“Me neither…” 

The moment itself felt like an opportunity. They were all alone, drowning in their memories with so much to say to each other. They needed to talk, they had to; about why things were the way they were—about this strangling sensation of floating around dementia. Ekko knew nothing about Jinx for the past few years, and yet, he’s been acting like she never left him—as if she took a vacation, a small break from everything. There was a reason for this, probably unconscious, probably not: 

When that talk bursts on the surface, nothing will ever be the same. 

Deep in that fear, Ekko felt sort of grateful for being interrupted each time they were this close. Who knows what would happen if they stay together for too long… Whether good or bad–

Snort!

The sound knocked on Ekko’s ear, distracting him completely. Jinx’s arms were a bit lower than before; on his biceps, and her face was smashed against his nape, hiding her breathing.

“What’s so funny?” 

Her reaction was to hug him tighter. Whatever was happening in that quirky mind of hers must be the joke of the year. 

Ekko 's used to it. He had seen her laugh with herself out of nowhere—usually, she used to tell him later what all the fun was about, and most times, it was funny. The unusual thing was the sound. Her laugh was different; hollow and shy. Jinx was holding herself back, and the attempt to do it created a whole different sound, an echo. 

Last time she held her laughter like that, they were together and happy. The fresh summer air was ticklish, and even with the midnight pouring its darkness all over the place, lights were everywhere… A stupid lamp and hundreds of fireflies…

Last time Jinx held her laugh was the last time they saw each other, after she left the city. 

Ekko trembled, he gasped—a bit shocked by the memories—and the sudden movement got Jinx off his back in a blink. Breathing was hard, as if air had become thick as fog. 

“B- Breakfast! Let’s eat some breakfast- I’m starving!”

He hurried to grab his food and basically tossed it into the microwave. His eyes focused on the warm light, trying to lock the memory in the bottom of his mind. A cold hand caressed his arm, forcing him to focus on the confusion poured all over her face. 

Are you okay?

If you remember that, why haven’t you said anything about everything else?

Did you forget about it?

Did you forget about me?

Ekko moved her hand away slowly, overwhelmed by the moment and by the little voice in the back of his head: ‘has she brought it up?’

Burned to the bones... Fuck you, Scar.

He looked away, unable to honestly say I’m fine.

It’s fine, Ekko repeated to himself. I can make it work, I’ve got this.

Her hand rose his cheek, caressing it, making him find his way back to her eyes, nose, freckles, and lips. 

Gods must hate him. Why was she so pretty?

The golden light that poured over her brought him this comforting feeling. This was okay; they will be okay. 

When Ekko is in Powder’s arms, he feels like he could do anything because he already has everything. When she has him this close and looks at him so beautifully, he runs out of breath, and his heart goes crazy. God, if their song pops on the speaker, this will all go to shit. 

It must be a fucking joke—destiny must be laughing right on his face because it feels real, it feels like luck, the good one; the one she brought each time they were side by side.

Jinx’s other hand reached the collar of his shirt, well, sort of. She held his necklace and placed it over his clothes, where everyone could see it. Ekko focused on hers and, for the first time, he noticed it was different—shorter, twisted, misaligned. Powder took a step forward, Ekko took one back.

“Why is yours different?” 

They were supposed to be half of the other. When Ekko made them, he made them exactly the same. Jinx froze; she didn’t move away, but she didn’t try to move closer either. 

“You took it off, didn’t you?” It wasn’t an accusation; it didn’t sound like one. “Heh, I’m kinda jealous, you know? I’ve never been able to.”

Powder shook her head repeatedly, almost desperate, then stopped slowly, as if something just clicked in her mind. Why are you saying that? And she genuinely looked sad because of what Ekko said. Perhaps it wasn’t obvious, but he had memorized her expressions from all the times he saw them. The arch of her brows slightly up, her mouth mimicking a bridge—a work of art—and her big eyes looking more and more like a wounded animal.

Sigh, “Pow, if you make that face, I-”

“Hey, Lux! Do you know if E-”

“AH!”

Splash!

Ekko looked at the door. Lux was there, pushing someone away, with a big coffee stain on her feet. “D- Don’t mind me, honey! I was just leaving! I-I I forgot my coffee! YES! Haha! I- You keep going! You were doing great!” His friend screamed with a thumbs up before vanishing into the hallway.

Even if Lux did leave, Ekko felt like he missed the opportunity, which was good—even if it didn’t feel like it—who knows what would’ve happened. He took a deep breath and walked away, looking for the mop to clean the mess.

~•••~

“Since when were you there?”

“Since you threw the soup in the microwave,” Lux admitted, scratching her nape. “I am so sorry, darling. I swear I wanted to walk away-”

“But you didn’t.”

“I know.”

“You stayed and listened to a private conversation.”

Lux laughed sarcastically, “Well, I wouldn’t call it a ‘private conversation’ per sé. You know the door was open, right? I’m pretty sure everyone in the hallway saw you… I was just the crazy one who stayed at the door frame.”

“And got caught.”

“And got caught… Heaven's sake,” Lux complained, kicking the floor. “I ruined your moment, didn’t I? Sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Ekko chuckled, “You don’t have to. We weren’t in ‘a moment’, we were just… talking.”

Oh, he’s such a bad liar. 

There was silence, then Lux threw a bomb. 

“You should’ve kissed her.”

“Ha ha. What?”

“What? You should have. Wouldn’t be the first time, would it?”

Ekko remained silent. He told Lux the complete story about Jinx and him, the relevant things, the ones he focused on in the moment, the things she had to know. Perhaps he omitted a moment or two, but just because those were his, hers—Powder’s, Jinx’s—theirs. Some moments weren’t meant to be shared, not even with your closest friends.

“Even if it were,” Lux continued. “It could’ve been, the first time. Hate me all you want, but I don’t see a mere friendship between you two.”

“...But she was my friend, best and closest.” It was an innocent answer—another way to play dumb.

“Oh, no one is arguing that; it’s clear as day. What I meant was- Okay, honey, you know I’ve never cared about omissions—Heaven knows you had reasons to do so—but, and I’m asking you ‘cause I’m so confused right now, did something happen between you and Jinx?”

“You meant, like, in the center or…?”

“Before. Waaaaay before.”

Maybe it was the weather, but he felt overjoyed with the memories—sometimes it’s nice to relish in those good old days—which, in consequence, made Ekko talk about the past with pure honesty. They stopped in the middle of the bridge between buildings, leaning on the railing, looking down. A girl with short blue hair was sitting next to a palm tree, a few steps away from a group. The view gave him a fizzy feeling with a mere glance. What is she doing there?

“Ah, I’m telling ya, we were best friends.”

“Ugh, if you don’t wanna tell me-”

“But I’m telling you the truth!” Ekko said once he stopped laughing. “We grew up together, do everything together, and hang out all the time. Trust me, there was nothing I wouldn’t do for her—it was mutual. No matter the situation, Powder always had my back…” The smile remained on his lips, nostalgic yet filled with happiness somehow. “There was ‘no error’ between us.”

“And that means… What?”

He laughed again, “It meant that nothing could go wrong between us: no mistakes, no flaws, no shame. We never hid from each other, we were always honest, and if there was something we weren’t sure about, we used to practice it between us so we wouldn’t look dumb in front of other people.”

  A blush all over Lux’s face; she looked pink. “Oh my… Sounds like the perfect excuse,” She mumbled. “Did you ever use that for…? I don’t know, something you wouldn’t ask Scar for?”

That was… Tricky.

Ekko scratched his jaw. “Well, there was a time when Powder wanted to practice insults to intimidate some guys who were a pain in the ass. I helped her, of course, but we sucked at it—she cried, like, three insults later because ‘she didn’t like to talk to me like that’ and I’ve never liked to see her cry. We bought ice cream later.”

He focused on Jinx once more; her oversized t-shirt and long shorts made her look smaller than she was. 

“How sweet, but that’s not what I meant,” And she nudged him gently; he did the same.

  “...There was one time when she tried to avoid me…”

Each time they wanted some free ice cream, they visited Vi at work, an old Chinese restaurant that had closed years ago. They had an amazing ice cream machine—free for employees—and good food. It was a nice place to hang out.

Vi complained every time she saw them coming—they were a menace—yet she always made some time to chat with them, sometimes even taking her break in the moment so they could all eat together.

“My boss is on the back,” Vi whispered while giving them two ice cream cones. “Hurry up so you can eat double. I’m out in ten.”

Jinx got swirl, he got strawberry. While they were waiting, Ekko suggested playing Mario Kart on Powder's DS because he left his PSP in his locker—Ekko remembered it so well.

“You play, pretty boy. I wanna eat.” Jinx said, sitting closer; the fact that she didn’t want to play didn’t mean she didn’t want to watch.

Ekko, knowing her like the back of his hand, slipped one of his arms around her waist, snuggling up to her side—in a way, the screen was in front of both of them. Usually, when they were like this—because they used to do this all the time, of course—the one watching held the food, and the one playing just had to ask for a bite if they were hungry. It was a good technique, it always worked… Until Jinx ate Ekko’s ice cream.

He paused the game because Jinx was very quiet. She had a strawberry mustache and the nerve to play dumb. “What? Luigi‘s beating your ass?” 

“You ate my ice cream.”

“No, I didn’t.”

Scrunch.

“Powder.”

“Ugh, fine. Yours was better… Sorry?”

He smiled, not able to get mad at her. “I don’t want an apology, I want my ice cream. Go get me one, and don’t eat it, please.”

“...But I don’t want to.”

He shrugged. “Okay, then I’ll eat yours-” 

Ekko tried to reach it, but Jinx moved it away. “Hey, this is mine!”

“You eat mine, it’s only fair I’ll keep yours.”

He tried it again, but she moved it farther. 

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Ekko!” Powder giggled. “Okay, okay. I’ll give you mine… If you can catch it.”

Before Jinx tried to run away, Ekko held her tighter, so their little fight wouldn’t leave their table. She was smiling, he was laughing, and after a while they changed techniques; Jinx started to tease him, and Ekko—taking advantage of his hand around her waist—started tickling her. Luckily, the restaurant was almost empty.

At some point, Powder danced the ice cream in front of her face, laughing at him. “What’s wrong, little man? Still not fast enough to beat the speed of sound?” The ice cream was right in front of him, so close he could bite it. “C’mon! What are you waiting for?!”

Taking it as a dare, he went for it with all the cards in the game, then… An accident happened. It tasted like powdery sugar, vanilla, and chocolate, and a bit of strawberry.

“...She moved the ice cream away,” Ekko explained to his friend, blushing for the memory. “I-It was an accident, I swear. That was not my intention, and it wasn’t hers either. I remember she freaked out and left the place… In my defence, she’s always been faster than me.”

Lux gaped, her eyes sparkling. “Wait! You didn’t follow her?”

“W-no. She told me not to.” Ekko shrugged. That day, he stayed and ate with Vi, checking if she mentioned something about what happened—didn't happen. “The point is, Jinx was so embarrassed because of what happened, she started to avoid me, and… That just killed me.”

The little blue dot, far away from them, was holding a notebook and what seemed to be a pen; the breeze blew her hair like the ocean, and the mere sight gave Ekko a toothache.

“I thought embarrassment wasn’t even possible between us, so when that happened, I was super confused… It wasn’t that bad, definitely not in my top ten, but not bad at all… We didn’t kiss because of our ‘no error’ agreement, but I did use it to talk to her when I ran out of options… Heh, is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Your top what?-” Lux looked at the palm tree because of a growing sound from the group near Jinx. “Hold on, what’s going on?”

They couldn't tell if they were talking or not, but something was happening— that was for sure. The group started to look around, and the moment one of them focused on Jinx, she grabbed her things and ran away, with them following her.

“Wo, wo, wo! What's she doing?!” Ekko rushed.

“She’s coming this way. C’mon! We’ll meet her on the first floor!” Lux shouted while grabbing Ekko’s hand, guiding him downstairs.

They use the stairs to be faster, dodging all the students who were changing classes, going home, etc. There were a lot of people at that hour; definitely a sign not to take a walk while waiting for Powder. There was more than one door on the first floor. Lux guided Ekko through the one next to a vending machine.

Jinx ran inside the building a few seconds later, stopping abruptly in front of them, focusing on their hands with a disgusting look.

“This way!” Someone yelled outside.

“Powder wait!” Ekko shouted, but Jinx didn’t listen. She was running away, again. 

Both friends followed Jinx without hesitation, with a group right behind them. A turn to the left and one to the right later, they ended up in the school’s outdoor Olympic pool—completely empty. She wasn’t there; they couldn’t see her. 

“Where did she go?!” Ekko asked, puzzled, rushed.

“She has to be here; this building only has one exit.”

The group that was following Jinx stopped right behind them; they were the water balloon group, and their clothes had dried paint stains, just as Powder had this morning. Ekko stiffened, connecting the dots. How do they know each other? 

“Where is she!?”

Lux squeezed his hand before letting it go. “Who?”

“The blue girl! She shot us paper balls with a blowgun!”

“Hm, is she, like, this tall, short hair, and her clothes had paint all over it?”

“Yes!” The tallest one of them nodded.

“You know? I’m looking for her, too.  Shall we look together?” And she started to walk away, slowly and confidently, while being observed by a strangely shocked group of people and Ekko. “What are you waiting for? A kiss on the cheek? C’MON!”

The tallest one, who seemed to be the leader, twitched a bit because of Lux’s voice but followed her anyway, taking the whole gang with them. Well, that was interesting.

Bubb-bubb.

Ekko turned around, focusing on the pool for the first time. Something bluer than the crystal waters was coming to the surface… It looked like a jellyfish. “Powder!”

Jinx emerged, desperate for air, gaping—the closest sound to her voice—coughing. Seeing her again gave him a strong sense of relief, making him finally breathe again. By walking on the verge, Ekko squatted once she came closer, leaning right next to his shoes. 

“Hiding in the pool? Probably not your best idea.” Sigh. “Get out of there.”

Ekko offered her a hand to help her, and Powder accepted without hesitation. “Lux saved your ass, by the way. You should keep that in mind next time-” Next time you make her cry, he wanted to add, but couldn’t. “AH!”

Splash!

It was dumb not to remember how damn strong Jinx was.

He emerged on the surface abruptly, tossing his backpack out of the water, facing Powder, who dared to look mad at him. Only her eyes stood out from the water.

“Why did you do that?! I was helping you!”

Jinx spat water through the gap between her teeth in response, right in his forehead. Ekko splashed water in front of her, receiving another water spit.

“Puagh! Gross,” He complained, not getting an actual answer, just an alluring view of her frowning brows and wrinkled nose. She was mad, and her expression did nothing but confuse him.

Was she mad at him?

Regardless of whether she was, he smirked. The idea of getting Powder's most reckless side out floated in his mind—because it used to cheer her up each time she was upset for whatever reason. “You think this is a game?  If I wanted to play in the pool, I would’ve taken off my shoes first!” 

Ekko splashed her again, which might’ve been a mistake in a release-the-Kraken way. He laughed inevitably because of Jinx’s surprised, mischievous face, who splashed back with no smile but with eyes sparkling like bioluminescent algae.

And thus began the funniest thing Ekko has ever done in the university: a water fight.

~•••~

Squish, squish, squish. 

Squish, squish, squish. 

Plop!

The swimming coach pulled them out of the pool, scolding them as if they were children. The sound of water dripping from their clothes echoed between them as they sat next to each other.

Ekko had never been scolded before, not in the university, not from the swimming coach, and, of course, not for getting into the pool with inappropriate clothing. Surprisingly, he wasn’t mad. His chest was filled with a cold breeze, reflecting how alive he felt. 

That had been really fun. 

“Just to be clear, I win,” He mumbled. No idea if it was true or not, they weren’t exactly counting points. 

Jinx faced him, stupefied. I win. You’re wetter than me. 

“How’s that even possible? You got into the pool first, which means you are wetter than I am! I won.”

No. I jumped, you fell. Jumping beats falling.

“I didn’t fall, you pulled me!”

Jinx scoffed, basically laughing at him. What, baby? Did it hurt?

There was something in that sentence, in those signs, that had the same effect on him as her voice should have. Perhaps her silly smile or those mischievous eyes; it felt too much like what they used to be. 

“Don’t call me like that…” He mumbled, embarrassed, his mouth twitching. “I’m not sixteen anymore.” 

I’m calling you a loser, then.

Scrunch.

“Ha! Joke's on you, Moon-moon. Losers stick together.”

Sometimes you don’t see how far you’ve fallen, not until you’re way down into the pit.

Jinx rolled her eyes.. "Sure, Stargazer." Forever always. 

It was impossible not to smile when she called him like that. “Ugh, so cheesy.”

She showed him her tongue; he did the same. 

The gesture trapped both of them inside a foggy, template-glass sphere, where pain and affection mingled with each other, leaving a colorful, disastrous plaster with no shape, no beginning, nor end—confusing to feel, but it was certainly pretty.

Ekko stayed shut for a few seconds, enjoying the moment, savoring how even after all these years, he managed to fade her upset. It was not in his plans to bring that up. These little moments when they’re close, and happy, and in peace, have been very rare—at least for him—and heaven knows they are not meant to stay forever. All the small talks, the silly faces, the dumb gossip dipped in curiosity were meant to fade away, sooner or later.

If fate makes them mere instants, they should be those who are worth remembering.

“Speaking of,” Ekko started while playing with his hands, a bit nervous—or rather anxious. “Who are those people?”

Jinx shrugged, coming back to her usual. My enemies.

Yeah, totally understandable.

“Sure. So… Nothing to worry about?”

No. Her hands raised. I have it under control.

“Okay… Is it like, I don’t know, a conflict? You said you didn’t like fights.”

This is not a fight. It’s a matter of principles.

Sigh… “One week, Jinx. You’ve been here one week and you’ve turned everything upside down.”

Thanks. And she dared to wink at him. 

It wasn’t a compliment.

Ekko scoffed slightly. Some things never change. No laugh came out of her, but he couldn’t help himself. If Ekko had nothing to be worried about, Jinx, he sure would be worried for that group. 

“I miss this,” Ekko admitted, resting his hand on the bench, accidentally touching Powder’s hand, getting a known, electric feel all over his body. It didn’t last.  Jinx moved her hand away. There was a glimpse of annoyance in her sight. Ekko let it pass, a bit disappointed of not being capable of dissolving her bad humor completely, but that was the safest resource to use—for both of them. Actually, holding hands would probably make this harder than it should be. “You.”His sight focused on her wet shoes, and started to go up and up.

“The way chaos seems to be tied to your feet all the time, making everything around you an adventure; different all the time, amazing, and fun.” Her features softened, and it didn’t go unnoticed. “Your jokes, I missed them, too—trust me, no one makes fun of Donkey Kong the way you do. I… I also missed your laugh… And your damn hiccups, tho I haven’t heard those yet.” 

Ekko chuckled, drowning in the memory, enjoying the cherry blush growing on her face. “I haven’t jumped out of a window in three years, which is good, I guess. Didn’t have the need to do it anymore…”

No one saw him on that verge of his life but Powder, when he was younger, carefree, and a little bit stupid. Ekko wouldn’t do it for anyone else; no one had ever been what Jinx was for him.

“I stayed with Grayson until I turned eighteen. Got an apartment of my own—one floor, so no windows to jump—that’s a good thing; now I can have all the study sessions I want without being interrupted.” 

Powder’s eyes widened, surprised, shocked, and somehow disappointed—probably understanding the meaning behind his words. Ekko smirked. What a cute reaction. 

Did you take noodles to the arcade as well? 

Noodles? 

Oh, he hadn't talked about the arcade in ages—never daring to visit it again, not after Jinx left. However, how’s that relevant? How did she jump from studying sessions to… Noodles?

“No, they don’t allow food from outside, remember? I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

It took her out of guard—he could see it—enough to leave her speechless, which was his cue to continue... It felt nice to be honest with her, with himself.

Ekko yawned, stretching in his place like a fluffy cat. “Life without you has been pretty… Boring. I-I mean, I do have fun sometimes, but, eh, I don’t know, it wasn’t the same without you.”

There was a tap, tap, on his thigh—a way to catch his attention. Ekko observed her in silence, amused, with stars in his eyes.

Paris was boring without you. I missed you.

I missed you.

I missed you. 

I missed you. 

What a way to light up his heart.

I saw a sculpture of a lady with wings and without a head, Jinx continued. I know you would’ve loved it.

Definitely not what he expected. A lady without a head and wings?

“You mean the Winged Victory of Samothrace?”

Powder nodded effusively, like a bubble head. The guide guy didn’t blab about art the way you do. 

The word 'blab' doesn’t have a sign, per se, but Ekko figured she meant that by the funny way her mouth moved, and her arched brows.

“So you’re saying you missed the way I bored you up?” 

Because she told him once, Ekko got carried away about this impressionism book he found in the public library while chatting with Jinx, who said the topic was boring with the lightness of a feather. Liking art, seeing it, appreciating it, it’s way different than learning art’s history; that’s definitely not her thing. 

Still, when Ekko trapped himself around the thought of him being dull and repetitive, Powder nudged him softly, speaking with nervousness.

“So, what happens next?”

After that incident, Powder was the one asking on and on about art—even when she didn’t like it—until Ekko got tired of himself. She memorized it, all the things he said, to the point Jinx got an A+ in art appreciation the whole school year.

Nobody does it the way you do. She signed, with a silly face, eyes closed, half-blowing a kiss.

“Heh, nobody listened to me the way you did.” And it was true. 

His friends listened sometimes, but not the way she did; them were on the couch, speaking for hours, reading, covered with her sappy Pac-Man blanket… The one he tossed into the bonfire a month after she left, three years ago.

Ekko shook his head, putting the memory away.

It can work.

I can make it work.

I’ve got this.

But it didn’t. Now that he thought about it, Ekko remembered he never brought that up. Jinx has no idea her blanket doesn't exist anymore. She probably thinks he has it somewhere safe—in the treehouse where she used to keep it.

Perhaps the eyes closed thing not only applies to what Powder did; he has done some things, too, not as bad, but it was there, floating in the air, in their history.

They have to talk, there’s a lot to speak about.

“So… When you said tomorrow, you wanted to tell me…?”

Jinx’s brows raised like a bridge all of a sudden, as if she remembered something important. I wanted to ask you something about Muscle and Bear.

Muscle and Bear, what a duo.

“Go on.”

When was the last time you saw them? 

“Last time? Uh… I saw Vander at my high school graduation and Vi… probably a year before that. We haven’t- we didn’t- I didn’t make time to see them.” 

Something in that knitted her brows, as if she noticed.

Why didn’t you want to see them? Powder asked, genuinely confused. I asked Vi about you when I got here, but she changed the topic every time.

“I’ve never said I didn’t want to see them.”

I know, and I know you. Her eyes glowed with certainty. Something's wrong.

“Probably. Lots of things are wrong, tons of them, if I’m honest.” There was a deep breath, trying to organize his mind. Ekko’s usually a straightforward person, but when it comes to Jinx, he just…crashes. “Whatever I felt about your family, I know Vander and Vi feel it about me, too…”

What did you expect? Things have changed a lot since you left. I-I basically had to learn how to re-live, without you! And that includes your family, too. 

Yeah, he should’ve said that.

He should’ve.

“I couldn’t stay with them, not after you left. I couldn’t depend on them forever, not the way I used to, and if you thought that happened, then you don’t know me as much as you say…”

They tried to support me just as family does, but I didn’t deserve it, because they loved you, and I blamed you. 

At that moment, I blamed you for everything.

Sometimes I still do.

But he didn’t tell her that either.

“I had to learn how to be independent, because if I kept depending on Vander and Vi, if I ever lost them, I… I wouldn’t handle it. It would’ve killed me, the same way when- When I lost you.”

It took her a while to say something back. Jinx bit her lip, stopping it from trembling. Her eyes were a horrible remembrance of the old days, of the days without her—desperate, scared, covered in sorrow.

You didn’t lose me.

It would be nice to believe her.

Ekko didn’t lose Jinx; she disappeared.

Ekko didn’t lose Jinx; she just wasn’t meant to stay forever. 

Ekko didn’t lose Jinx; someone took her away from him.

It sounded better than the actual truth. 

You would never.

His sight went down, focusing on her hands, on the hem of her shirt. Ekko saw Jinx raising a finger, putting it down in less than a second. She was thinking, breathing slowly and heavily. 

Then, Jinx held his chin, making him see her eyes before speaking. You’ll never lose them. They’re yours, too. 

Sigh.

I like to think I’d never lose you either, Powder continued, leaving a choking, bewitching atmosphere. I missed your laugh, too. I thought about it all the time. 

Ekko gulped, trying to keep his heart inside of him. “Y-you did?”

Jinx nodded, sliding closer. It’s my favorite sound. 

“Heh, that’s a lot coming from a melomaniac.” His attention fell on the freckles on her nose, slowly gazing at her humid, reddish lips. “Back in Paris, you… Did- did you try to reach me?”

Because he did, with everything he’d got. 

There was a month when Ekko tried everything he could: emails, messages, calls, complaints to Silco’s team, and even letters. Ekko waited day after day for an answer, a sign, anything—everything—until he couldn’t do it anymore. That’s when he blocked her because if Jinx didn’t reach out to him, he had no reason to do so…

If that feeling had stayed longer, he wouldn't have missed her at all.

Jinx’s fingers slowly interwoven with his, her breath became softer, her space was theirs. They were so close it was stupid to think they could be mad at each other, ever. He believed her. For a second, Ekko believed in the sweetest fantasy. 

Jinx disappeared, but now she was right in front of him. 

Jinx wasn’t meant to stay forever, but she came back.

Someone took her away from him, but it wasn’t enough to stop them.

It can work.

We can make it work.

We’ve got this.

It could’ve been something great, something amazing, outstanding, memorable. Yes, it could’ve, but sometimes things don’t come out the way we intend to. 

Sometimes things keep happening because the path we’re following is not the right one. 

To trust and believe in destiny as the culprit of every bell sing and misfortune makes nothing but point out how life is not easy, how it has never been. 

Perhaps that was the reason why the Silco name echoed very close to them. The swimming coach was walking by, watching a very, very loud video about Silco’s empire. 

Ekko stopped himself at the moment. Jinx froze, too. He saw in slow motion how Powder looked around, focusing on the professor with the saddest expression in the world. Her eyes softened and acquired this particular glow filled with sadness, loneliness, with love—the kind you have for your family, for a person who would do anything for you.

Jinx heard Silco’s name and she moved away in an instant, signing something he didn’t understand, and stayed looking at the pool, completely lost. 

Ekko could hear the video even at a distance; it seemed like an interview, one in which he twirled his guts, giving him chills.

“In a conversation, we never hide from other people; it shows weakness; I believe it builds character and confidence. When you’re facing a situation beyond…” 

She used that phrase. She told him that phrase, and it worked. Silco’s advice worked on him. 

That was… Disgusting. 

With the sudden need to have some fresh air, Ekko stood up and walked away, sitting down on the pool’s edge, crossed-legged. 

What the fuck were they doing?

Playing dumb, that’s what they were doing. 

Ekko focused on Jinx, who was still on the bench—hunched over, with her fingers resting on her forehead, a glare, lost but deep—as the ocean, as the sky, but… Pink, always pink.

It was like falling from a bridge, down into cold water. 

Ekko had seen it before—the way she was sitting, the gaze focused on everything and anything—not on her but on Silco, her father. Suddenly, all those things that looked new, different, and interesting made sense. All those new quirky attitudes she’d got, those weren’t hers.

How did he not see it before? 

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

The thought twirled his mind in the same way it had when they met again, bending his stomach, twisting his insides. Jinx focused on Ekko and walked towards him with a slow, worried pace. A shadow was following her, but it wasn’t hers. Ekko wanted to beg her to stay away. 

He looked into the water, trying to clear his thoughts, seeing nothing but Benzo’s disappointed face, drilling his skull. He covered his ears, a poor attempt to block all the noise; there was a lot, tons of it. Desperate screams, all coming from him and only him.

What the fuck was he doing?

It can’t work.

It would never work.

They would never work.

Not as friends, not as anything or everything. It was impossible, it was too much. 

Without being able to stop, Ekko's eyes clenched the moment his stomach emptied itself; feral, guttural sounds coming out of his suffocated throat, just as the feeling of being drowned—unable to breathe with his mouth or nose.

Just like the last time.

Chapter Text

Some things are not what they seem.

Even if they still look the same, they change.

Everything changes.

It always does.

•~•~•

“We’re now getting closer to our destination. Please remain seated; we’ll arrive in thirty minutes.” Said an ecstatic voice in the corner of Jinx’s mind.

Hmm… 

It’s been a while since her mind wandered around memories, but who cares? It’s not like it hadn’t happened before.

It was under the limits; besides, she wasn’t focusing on a bad day, no, no. It was totally the opposite. 

Last time Jinx heard those words, she was on an airplane, coming back home. Regardless of the aching, burning feeling in her chest each time she felt happy about her decision, the memory made her feel hopelessly relieved. 

She came back. She made it. 

Jinx doesn’t think of herself as a lucky person yet; the day she came back, that was the only word in her mind. Luck. Lucky. Oh, how lucky she was. She had it, this- this impossible dream of hers! This old-new scenario right in front of her! Fusing with her memories. It was real. 

Then, as if coming back was not enough, Jinx ran into Vander, who never accused her of anything, never questioned her decision about leaving the city in the first place. He acted as if Jinx had never left, and for that, she was insanely grateful.

Who would've said that everything happened thanks to a phone call?…

Whoosh! The oven in the kitchen beeped when she turned it on. Yes, Jinx’s mind might be in the past, but right now she was baking something on Vand- ahem!, Vi’s oven. 

It’s Vi’s house, even if Vander cooks, it’s Vi’s.

 The lights were on, “Pride and Joy” by Stevie Ray Vaughan playing on the radio, while the oven’s heat kept everything warm and homey; it almost didn’t seem like it was 4 a.m. Perhaps it was the hour that made her daydream while she worked on what she called her personal mission. Nothing off the charts, just something small that, hopefully, will cheer up a very special little man… He’s been kinda off lately. 

Jinx couldn’t blame him. She’s ninety percent sure she didn’t fall apart when they ran into each other in the center because of her meds, which kinda numb her emotions—thanks to a lower dose. 

For such an intense person, with gigantous, raw emotions, it was indeed a numb reaction.

It wasn't that bad, actually; she would even call it an improvement. A few months ago, Jinx couldn’t feel anything. 

Every day for weeks, for months, all she could do was sleep. Nothing but a nightmare that seemed to never end. Dancing with reality over a borderline; confusing her, distorting her thoughts, her perception of everything. That fucking phone call was, like, her cue to wake up, to actually do something more than just… staying un-dead. 

Waking up felt good. It was bright, cozy, and it smelled like honey syrup and Rumcakes.

Ah, hell knows she missed Rumcakes' mornings like crazy. They were a Vander's classic; a family tradition. Her family tradition. Heh. It made her giggle to think about it, about them. It felt so good to be back, to have all of this right here, right now. None of this would be happening if it weren’t for Vander and Vi, but… Yeah, we’re not gonna talk about Vi right now.

To call it an accident might be too much; it felt like everything happened by coincidence. Jinx flew away from Paris on her own, arriving at her hometown’s airport twenty-one hours later. The ogre gave her ‘enough’ money for a round trip—no more, no less. Jinx didn’t want to be too extra. She was sick of extravagances.

However, just by looking at it, it seemed like it was enough to hire a chauffeur, take a cab, rent a car, or whatever she wanted to get to her old house, but Jinx wanted to walk. She was craving it, aching for it. How could she not? Her legs were numb for hours. Don’t get it wrong, Jinx wanted to find her family, but also… She missed this damn city as well.

Nothin’ wrong in being a little cheesy, am I right?

The moment she walked outside the airport, a surreal view of a bright blue sky—seagulls flying over her, the palm trees dancing calmly in the breeze—struck her eyes, hitting her like a blast. 

I’m here. 

I’m back. 

I made it. 

Her deepest secret—a hopeful wish—had become… True. 

Well, almost. 

Her feet started to wander around the pretty side of the city— the topside—feeling like a stranger in what once had been her personal playground. Some things were new, bigger, or smaller. It made her feel like an ant—in a good way, because it was easier to find her way here; not like in Paris, which felt like a trap after a while—a fancy-ass cage.

The growing feeling inside of her was… new, like looking at a wonder, like passion melting out of a song. The air tasted like freedom, like all the daydreams she had by looking at the window, by losing herself on the streets of Ville Lumière. All the politics—the stress, the pressure of being someone, to be powerful, to have money—were gone, and it felt like her deepest secrets came to life. It was wonderful…

Wish you could’ve tagged along, Peré. 

It would’ve made him happy, regardless of every time he denied it.

A not-exactly-legal sidewalk guided her next to the wild bushes through the city. The improvised lagoons some rain had created were the exemplification of an oasis in the middle of a desert—a view Jinx would’ve enjoyed way more if it weren’t for the scorching sun, the heat, or the fact that she had no idea how to get back home. Some people say you never forget where you grew up, but, in Jinx’s defence, she grew up in the undercity—that’s how people call it. Also, the upper side changed a lot. 

It may take her hours to find her way back, and it may not be the worst thing in the world.

Things had changed; Jinx had changed significantly. There was an issue —well, issues that needed to be addressed… And there was no good way to do that. There was no easy way to do it. Time made her forget how to talk with her family. Time made her fear they would treat her as if she were a stranger, a disease, a traitor. Things could get ugly and, in the blink of an eye, she would be running away because the night might repeat.

How can they talk about everything? About her—her life, her voice—about the past few years, about Silco—Well, to be fair, they know a little bit, but if they learn about all the things he did, all the things that happened to him… How would they react? 

What would be the right thing to say? What was Jinx going to say? Missed me? “Sorry, I didn’t bring you a souvenir. Hey, let’s play some charades. I’m getting good at it.” It might be harder than expected. 

For a second, Jinx wished she had made Sevika explain the situation over the phone; at least Vi wouldn’t have thought Jinx was mad at her, or that she was offended, because that’s what happened when they talked- Well, Vi talked over the phone. 

It wasn’t true, not even close.

There was no sidewalk, just a small part of pavement protected by a bright white line. Cars came and left, some looking at Jinx with confusion when she stopped under a bridge to drink water and clean the sweat from her face. 

She got more lost in the way, believing a dry-looking water puddle was a sign of being closer, but it wasn’t - just a small bump on the pretty side of the city. After getting into a cycling path in a park, dragging along her Hello Kitty suitcase, Jinx took a curve, crossed a small bridge, and ended up on the beach, in front of a restaurant facing the pier— a holy-looking mirage. Jinx had been here before; she used to visit it all the time with her family.

It was small and cluttered, with a ravishing ocean view, all metallic, yet it had enough fans to create… Well, wind—humid and suffocating, but better than nothing. The kitchen and dining room were separated by a counter, where Jinx sat, having a perfect view of the open kitchen and the chef serving diners.

Asking for food was kind of difficult. Was it new? No, no. Nothing Jinx hasn’t gotten used to in the past few months… It was frustrating, though. It’s always better to take the easy way, to give up on it, pretend you’re not that hungry, and just accept the courtesy glass of water the waitress gave her.

It was… Like any other day she had in Paris, and the day before, and the day before that. Eating was a privilege, and even if Jinx was actually hungry right now, she could wait; she was good at it.

Inadvertently, the chef—who was also the business owner—saw her, all tired and lost, and recognizing those mischievous blue eyes. He placed a rice dish right in front of her. No questions, no cheesy salutes; because she looked hungry, sunstroked, and desperately sad—and food is good for that. Jinx accepted, with reluctance. Yellow rice, shrimp, clams, fish, and crab. A mix of colors and textures; it felt new. It wasn’t a good-looking plate, nor was it a Michelin-starred delicacy; hence, the act itself felt like pity, but the food tasted like heaven on a plate.

Losing herself in the food was so easy that everything else started to fade around her. People stopped talking; the loud music became a lull, the heat became tolerable, and the breeze cooled her down, and then…

Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.

It was the place’s bell, quiet and loud at the same time. It almost sounded like the old manor’s telephone.

“Mornin’ Jericho.” Jinx stopped eating, looking sideways to see if that voice matched with her memories. 

Dad.

That's my dad.

“Morning, Vander,” said the chef from the kitchen. “How did it go this time?

He looked different; tired, older, but his classic scent was unforgivable—like the sweet smell of a bakery mixed with tobacco.

 “Ah, same old, same old. You know how it is—been in that morgue the whole morning. I’m starvin’! You still have some clam chowder?”

“Firing a New England clam chowder!” Jericho shouted loud enough for everyone.

Her mind wasn’t betraying her; it would be too cruel if it were. It was Vander. It was actually him—he loves that soup. 

Vander chuckled before taking a seat very close to her, with only two people between them. Jinx hid in her place, trying to control herself. 

“Hey. Mind if I sit here?”

Having Vander so close - having the chance to go back to what she once called her life- overwhelmed her. Her mind wandered between turning around and running away. It was stupid to doubt this. Jinx came back for this, for him, for Vi, but… Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea. 

Nothing good happens when she’s around. Regardless of what Vi said on that phone call, they might be better without her…

Jericho stared at Jinx as if expecting to notice her dad. There was a bit of worry in that look, maybe scared of upsetting Vander, of disappointing him. Jinx hunched even more. Vander is better without her. Coming back would only bring… Death, it always does.

The door was not that far; she could easily slip among the customers and leave—she wasn’t planning to stay here that much anyway. Maybe this was the chance to be completely independent, to live on her own—because going back to Paris was NOT an option. Perhaps living far from here, in a place where she can start over. San Francisco was tempting, or she could go crazy and move to Seattle, Boston, or even Vancouver. Quintana Roo or Brazil didn’t sound bad either, although she would need more money for that, and hitchhike for days, maybe even months.

But… Vi asked her to come for Vander. If Jinx leaves without even saying hi… 

“...Powder?”

Clank! Her spoon fell on the floor. 

He saw her. He was talking to her. 

Oh no…

Jinx looked around as if everything was in slow motion. Jericho was next to the counter, but Vander wasn’t there anymore.

Suddenly, Jinx got squeezed into a hug that grew into a more and more familiar embrace. It felt like home: a homemade breakfast, a Sunday night spent playing video games on Vi’s Nintendo 64.

It was almost impossible for Vander to recognize Jinx at first sight. She looked very different: her hair was blue, much shorter than it used to be; she was taller and thinner, with new tattoos and a new… no-voice. Hmm… Is that a good way to call it?

Well, not like it mattered, nothing mattered anymore. Everything Jinx knew, thought, and assumed was… Stupid.

“Powder! I thought you were gone forever!” He whispered loudly, with a broken voice, which reminded her of cartoonish TVs and broken radios.

      Stupid.

                                                                                                      Stupid.

                                                       Stupid.

                                                                                                      Stupid.

Oh, how stupid it was to think of running away. She missed them, and now, she could see her dad missed her, too.

Jinx’s cries were not even gradual. Her desperation came out of her like an explosion, a suffocating calamity. All those years of wishing and hoping to see her dad one more time finally came true, materializing right before her eyes. Maybe he didn’t appear to save her in the middle of the chaos, or didn’t follow her when she moved away, but he was here. He was actually here, and he was real, like breathing, like an open wound.

Jinx hugged her dad for the first time in three years, hoping to never let him go. Hoping he could accept her even after everything that happened.

  “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

The rest is history. Everything turned out better than expected. It was good.

It's good, it's good, it's good.

It was, it was! Because of it, Jinx was now in her sister’s house, taking her creation out of the oven when the beep, beep, beeeeep told her it was ready. 

It looked… Perfect. The color, the scent. No one could ever guess Jinx hadn’t baked anything in years. Oh, Ekko would be so happy—it’s his favorite.

“Mornin’ Pow,” Vi yawned while walking to the kitchen island in her Care Bears onesie, rubbing her eyes, "Whatcha doin’?”Jinx gave her the dead-eye. She was acting like nothing had happened. 

Without paying attention to her sister, Jinx began to prepare the cream cheese frosting from scratch.

“Ugh, how many times do you want me to apologize? I already said I’m sorry, like, ten times!”

Thirteen, but it was not enough.

She left the ingredients on the counter and made her left hand into a fist, letting her thumb stand out from the rest, just a little bit. Then, Jinx turned her wrist up—like a shy thumbs up—and shook her hand.

Ten.

So it would make twenty-three. One for each year Vi has. 

Vi squinted her eyes, “Wait, don’t tell me. I know this one.”

Yeah, sure. Jinx thought before getting back to work.

It’s not that Vi wasn’t smart enough to understand—actually, she was one of the smartest people Jinx has ever met—It’s just that this communication system was new to her, she needed time to learn, to memorize, and comprehend. It was a slow process, but Vi had made significant progress over the past three months since she learned about Jinx’s condition. Without pushing for an answer, Jinx’s sister swore she would use all her free time to learn, and Jinx believed her—for all the times she kept her promises, for the two hours Vi kept saying she won’t break another one ever again.

“Okay, so, you’re saying… Hmm… A thousand? An eternity? A lot?” A chuckle escaped from her. “Give me another clue. If you’re just saying ‘a, ’ I’m never gonna guess.”

Jinx tried to give her another chance, vocalizing the word she wanted to say—allowing her sister to read her lips.

Ten.

“Hen?- No. Ten! It's ten! Ha! I got it!... Sorry, I haven't gotten into the numbers part of the book.” Vi excused herself while sitting in front of Jinx’s creation. “I just finished colors and shapes. If you need a blue square or a purple circle, I’m your expert.” Wink.

What a smart-ass, Jinx thought while rolling her eyes. 

This little conflict between them might not be a big problem for other people, but for Jinx… It tore her apart. Yesterday, after they bought the groceries for the week, Vi accidentally let the grocery cart roll all the way down through the parking lot. Jinx, who had been sitting in it since the beginning, thought it was a game, like the ones they used to have when she was a kid. Even when she saw Vi running like crazy to grab the cart, Jinx thought it was a game. Even when Vi asked her to jump, Jinx thought it was a game… She obeyed, rolling a little bit on the pavement, laughing, holding her stomach because she was running out of air. She was so distracted getting drowned in the past, it was impossible to hear the cart crashing onto a bus in the middle of the street, or to see the chip bag they just bought flying away… Or to notice Vi’s panic.

“Why did you do that?!”

Why?!

…WhY?!…

WHY?!

There’s always a why, and Jinx has had enough of those.

“So, ten times… Okay. I am sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. S. O. R. R. Y. I’m sorry for what I did yesterday, and I promise, I swear, I will never yell at you because you jumped from a cart that almost crashed into a bus… ” There was a sigh while she hunched in her own seat. “Just don’t laugh next time, could you? It wasn’t funny. I got really scared that you… I don’t want you to get hurt. I- I want to spend time with my sister! And have tons of adventures with you, like the old times! Whaddya say? Can I have my nosy sister back?”

It might be all the years they spent apart from each other, but Vi has gotten better at her apology speeches. It moved Jinx’s heart, who nodded in response and offered the spoon covered in cream cheese as a peace treaty. Vi accepted with a childish smile.

“It’s been ages since I tried your cream cheese frosting! Still the best one…”

Oh, Jinx knew it was true. Vi's nom, nom, nom was louder than the music.

“...Still weird you’re making it, tho. I mean. You wouldn't make this frosting without pineapple cake, and I’m sure as fuck that’s what that huge-ass muffin is, and you wouldn’t be making any kind of pineapple cake if it wasn’t Ekko’s birthday, and Ekko’s birthday was months ago… Hmm… Is there something I should know about?”

She was close—very close—and because of it, Jinx only shrugged in response. Vi must be dying to know what’s going on, and Jinx did want to tell her… But Ekko told her not to.

The other day, on the bench, when they were talking, Ekko suddenly moved away and threw up in the school’s Olympic pool. Jinx tried to help him, to see what happened—to find out what caused that reaction on him—but each time she came close, Ekko pushed her away; not aggressively, but sure he didn’t want her near him. 

His expression was etched in her memory like a nightmare: his widened eyes, the fierce breathing, everything. He was shocked, confused, and maybe a bit scared. Jinx wanted to be useful but didn’t know how to from a distance, so she suggested waiting for Vi with her—an award-winning firefighter who received some medical training and, of course, will be more capable of dealing with this stuff—but he rejected that idea almost immediately.

“No!... No. Listen, I- I… Did you tell Vi that we go to the same school?”

She was a few steps away from him, sitting on her knees, analyzing everything. No.

Only because Jinx knew they were hiding something from her. The idea had been floating on her mind since Vi and she talked about Ekko the first time, and everything that happened these past few days gave her the certainty of being right.

There was a deep breath while his hands ran through his hair. “Don’t tell her. Don’t tell Vander either.”

That phrase confirmed it, and yet, she dared to ask, Why?

Ekko stood up, and so did she. He grabbed his stuff and cleaned his mouth with his forearm. “Just don’t… Please. I’m asking you this as a favor.” He whispered right after leaving who knows where, basically disappearing, and no matter how much Jinx looked up for him, she couldn’t find him.

If his stomach was upset, he might be better by now. Jinx was hoping for it. If not… He might throw up again, because she knew him like the palm of her hand. Ekko would eat the cake regardless of everything. He loves it. Everyone knows the avocado-pineapple cake with cream cheese frosting was Ekko’s special, and he was crazy about Jinx’s recipe- W-wait, what is Vi doing?

 Jinx slapped her sister’s hand in one movement before she could get more closer to the muffin. 

“Ouch!”

No, Jinx signed, and Vi knew what it meant right at the moment.

“There was a fly close to it! I was trying to shoo it away! You know I don’t like it when you use avocado instead of butter… It makes my stomach weird…” She huffed, looking around. “By any chance, did you make something without avocado? I don’t know, maybe something like…”

Whoopie pies, Jinx thought. Those were Vi’s favorites, and yes, Jinx did bake her some because, of course, she can’t stay mad at Vi forever.

The moment the tray touched the kitchen island, Vi’s eyes widened and glowed like stars. However, Jinx slapped Vi’s hand again, before she could get any.

“What was that for?!”

Vander. Fish Cakes. Jinx vocalized without even trying to sign. She did it slowly so her sister would catch up.

“We need to see if he’s allowed to eat them. I’ll pass by the hospital before going to work, and I’ll make them once we're all here.” She stated while eating a whoopie, nudging Jinx’s arm before walking towards the fridge. “You should’ve just told me. Cake is, like, the first world I learned.”

It was true. Vi knew that word in signs because she tried to bake a cake for her as a ‘welcome present’, as well as giving her sister some support by showing she was learning signs already. Everyone got a stomachache. Vi was good with food, not with desserts—that was Vander and Jinx’s specialty.

“So, whatchu want for breakfast?”

~•••~

“...Sorry, Cupcake, not today. I have some stuff to do. Gotta check on Vander and help with the inventory…” Vi sighed, leaning towards her phone. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Jinx yawned next to her sister. Listening to that phone call was so boring. The worst thing was that she wasn’t the only one listening; Vi was talking loud enough for everyone in the bus. 

At the crack of dawn, people wanted to sleep, not to hear Vi apologizing to her girlfriend. What a pain in the ass, and what a stupid dilemma. Vi could easily fix everything if she only-

“Nope. No. It’s not a good idea. Who’s gonna take care of Pow?”

Yeah, if she only stops doing that.

It’s something that walked into the house the moment Jinx did, as if she had brought it with her in her luggage all the way from Paris. 

“She’s being the big sister she couldn’t be in the past few years”, that’s what Vander said. Jinx didn’t believe it, not entirely. 

It was hard to guess, to really know what was going on in Vi’s mind that was making her act like this almost every day. It was exhausting to the point that Jinx hoped her sister would actually go out with Cupcake regardless of how much she still didn’t like her.

“Maybe, but I swear our anniversary would be amazing. I have some… Really good ideas.”

Ew.

“Sure, baby-doll. See you at lunch? Great. Love you. Bye.” And she sighed once more, only this time it was as if love had just punched her in the face. “Don’t you loooove this morning? Feel like I could run a marathon right now.”

Feel like I could throw up right now, Jinx thought. She shook her head in response and hugged her backpack where the giant muffin was carefully protected. 

“Don’t be like that, Pow. I’m sure it’ll be a good day!... Ekko’s gonna love his surprise…” 

She hasn’t let it go. For hours, for an eternity. Vi has been on and on about the Ekko topic; it was annoying, only because it was very, very confusing. If she wanted to know so much about Ekko, then why did she act all squeaky when Jinx asked for him? Why has she been avoiding the topic until now?

Wasn’t it easier to just… Say it? Not like Jinx could; she had made a promise and would fulfill it… No matter how many whoopie pies she has to bake to keep Vi with her mouth shut.

“You should’ve told me you were going to see him; I would’ve made him lasagna—he still likes it, doesn’t he?” But there was no answer to that question. Jinx had no idea.

Yeaaaaah, saying she knows him like the palm of her hand might be a liiiiittle bit exaggerated.

Ekko is… Different, way more than she thought he would. He was taller, bigger, with different hair and a different look in his eyes—though it was hard to tell why—yet he was still the cutest, not to say handsomest, boy Jinx had ever seen… Even if he didn’t look like a boy anymore.

It had been the best surprise she had found in the city. After moving away, after everything that happened, Jinx thought they wouldn’t see each other again. It hurts to think about it. It hurt to believe that Ekko would be nothing but a memory throughout her life, despite all the sweet things he had been to her. 

What could’ve been the chances of running into each other in the helping center Vi insisted Jinx visit? Very few, she wanted to believe. Years ago, Ekko’s dream was to move away from this city, following his career to whatever it took him. Here, in the school they were in, Ekko’s career wasn’t exactly a priority; it was more like an ‘are-you-sure-that’s-what-you-want-to-do?’ kind of thing.

What could’ve made him change his mind? It was a mystery. It couldn’t be the money—he was smart enough to earn a scholarship—and sure it couldn’t be a girl because… No. Just no.

“ ‘Kaaaay, that’s your stop. ‘You sure you don’t want me to take you to the building?”

NO! And no one knows how fast Jinx signed that. Her head was shaking like a bobble head. 

It wasn’t necessary, at least not for Jinx. No one brings a chaperone to school regardless of how much the chaperone insists it's necessary—for safety.

“Okay, okay. Just checking,” Vi said, a shade of disappointment covering her eyes. “Be careful, please, and wait for me at this bus stop. I’ll be here at three.”

I know, Jinx thought. Her sister was like a cuckoo clock; always on time at the same hour.

Before leaving the bus, Jinx waved goodbye, which lit up her sister’s face instantly.

Once Jinx got off the bus, she finally breathed, as if a burden had just fallen off her shoulders.

Don’t get her wrong, she loves Vi, she always will. Being together, living like sisters once more felt like living in an eternal hug… One that was squeezing her more and more, suffocating her, like a boa constrictor, making her feel like she caused more problems than solutions with her arrival. A disruption. A fucking meteor blasting over the dinosaurs. A MISTAKE VANDER AND VI SHOULDN’T HAVE ACCEPTED BACK IN THEIR LIVES!... Ah, this was no time to think about it.

After shaking her head to swipe off the boa constrictor thoughts over her head, Jinx walked decisively towards the cafeteria and stopped almost immediately. Ekko said no more tea, and the reminder made Jinx change her path and start walking towards the disability center, which was basically in the opposite direction. She arrived at the building pretty quickly, more than usual—excitement, perhaps. Jinx was dying to give Ekko his surprise. It always cheers him up and makes him all sunny, bubbly and affectionate, like a sweet itself. Oh, he’s gonna be so happy when he sees his amaz-

It’s closed. The disability center was closed. CLOSED! 

Jinx stopped abruptly in front of the door, confused, looking desperately for her phone to check the time. It was still early… But he should be here. Noodles told her that Ekko arrives a few minutes before they open, and that’s supposed to happen at eight o’clock, and it was five minutes or so before that. Her foot started to move unconsciously. He’s not here.

Tap, tap, tap, 

Tap, tap, tap,

Tap, tap, tap.

Tap, tap, tap, 

Tap, tap, tap,

Tap, tap, tap.

Ekko is extremely responsible; someone who never gets late—and hates unpunctuality. 

Tap, tap, tap, 

Tap, tap, tap,

Tap, tap, tap.

Did something happen to him? 

Tap, tap, tap, 

Tap, tap, tap,

Tap, tap, tap.

Ugh, where is he? Jinx thought while leaning against the wall and sliding down to the ground—stopping herself from making a hole in the floor with her shoe. Maybe she was exaggerating a little bit, but she wanted Ekko right here, right now… They haven’t spent enough time together, and that was utterly unfair. After all, they spent so many years apart… They needed to talk, to sit next to one another, to hug each other forever, always, and so more because it would never be enough to make up for all those years missing him, avoiding saying his name out loud to not catch Peré’s attention.

Jinx was sure that, if she told Ekko what’s on her mind, she would get it. If she wanted time, he would create for her. If she wanted him to be patient, he would, for her. Even so, for all these past few days, Jinx has been trying to be as precise and concise as possible because, deep down in her, she has this aching feeling of running out of time; as if someone was following her, trying to pull her, taking out everything she has… But that was just her mind playing with her. No one would find her here, not after how everything changed… 

Right?

Hugging her backpack felt like an instinct… The muffin was going to get cold. 

Ugh, where’s Ekko? 

The thought felt more like a burden because Jinx couldn’t do anything. Where could she look for him if she didn’t know anything about his new life? It was frustrating because, even though everything had changed so much, Jinx still wanted to know. She was desperate to learn more about him. Ekko had been her everything. She missed him every single day. Everywhere she looked, Ekko was there, and she never pushed the memory away. They were meant to be apart from each other forever, but Jinx wanted him right at her side for the rest of her life, like a memory, like a shadow… Was that so much to ask?-

“ ‘Sup, Blue,” Said someone who put their arm around her shoulders and sat down at her side. She knew who it was, but just didn’t care enough to remember his name. “Thought we could have some sort of truce today. Gotta job interview after school. Have to look good, y’know?”

She gets that, of course… But Jinx didn’t care. Actually, it could’ve been so easy to grab a whoopie pie from her backpack and smash it right in his face, but something distracted her. This gotta-job-interview guy was staring at her with pity. 

“Something’s off, isn’t it? You don’t have that crazy-ass look in your eyes. Actually, you look kinda sad… And don’t have a coffee cup with you. You ran out of money?”

Jinx shook her head.

“Hope so. I can lend you some if you’re hungry. Although I might ask for something in return…” His face darkened, and he leaned in a little bit. “That crazy blonde who covered you up the other day, what’s her name?”

Her brows arched with surprise. What does this guy want with Noodles? Meh, it wasn’t her problem. Before giving him an answer, she extended her palm, asking for her compensation. 

“Fine,” he complained. “How much is a coffee? Four? Five?”

Jinx raised ten fingers in response. This guy didn’t know sign language. 

“Nah, you’re lying. It can’t be that much.”

She shook her hand. It wasn’t; she just wanted to get some extra, for the information. 

“Okay, okay. Ten bucks, here ya go. Now, the name.” 

Jinx pointed to his backpack and, luckily, gotta-job-interview understood and gave her a pen.

“Use my arm. I forgot my notebook.”

And she did, writing Noodles in his forearm with blue ink. When he faced her, unamused, Jinx brought her hands together in front of her chest with her pinkies extended, barely touching the other and looping them together in small circles, like twirling noodles.

Noodles.

“Ooooh! So that’s her nickname. Got it. Thanks, Blue. That twisting thing you did, is that how you say her name?”

Yes, he knew that one, she was sure of it. 

“Heh, cool.” He moved away a little bit, but was still close enough to invade her personal space. “Hey, how do you say my name in signs? Is it something cool? ‘Cause the noodles sign seems pretty awesome-”

The jingle, jingle of some keys distracted them. Someone was right next to gotta-job-interview, and he was not happy, but Jinx was. She stood up in the blink of an eye and held the strap of her backpack a bit tighter than she intended.

Ekko looked at gotta-job-interview up and down, a bit disgusted—or that’s what Jinx saw. “Can I help you?” His voice was raspier than usual. 

“No, no,” Gotta-job-interview answered while standing up. “Just chatting with Baby Blue a little bit. See ya later, dude, and prepare for Wednesday. I won’t be easy on ya.”

Jinx rolled her eyes before signing Bitch as a goodbye. Ekko remained shut until Gotta-job-interview left the aisle.

“Friend of yours?” Ekko asked to the air, to a wall. 

Jinx wasn’t listening; she was relieved and enticed just by his presence. Ekko had soft grayish bags under his eyes, and the baby hairs coming from here and there in his loose hair gave her the feeling that he had had a rough night.

“Don’t wanna tell me? ‘Kay. Fine… Shouldn’t ask anyway.” His voice lowered as if he had started to talk to himself. “I shouldn’t care. I don’t care.”

He tried to take a step forward to open the door, but it was an impossible task, given that Jinx was between them. Each time he tried it, she blocked his way by accident—on purpose—like a fun little game they used to play back then. 

He’s so gonna love his surprise.

“I don’t have time for this, Po- Jinx.” He whispered with a tired look. A deep breath coming out of his lips. “I’m late. I need to open the center and, hell, if you want to play games, you can ask your friend to do so.”

Poor baby, she thought with an aching heart. What could’ve happened to make him late? No wonder he was so grumpy.

In what felt like drinking water after an eternity, Jinx attempted to hug Ekko—by the neck this time—to save him from his despair, but it wouldn’t be, it couldn’t. Ekko walked backwards, reading her mind, going one step forward—ironically—and ripping her heart with a dagger, all at the same time.

“Hang on,” he spoke calmly and nervously at the same time—she could notice it. The impatient rattle of his keys pushed her back to her place. “Haven’t finish talkin’. We have something pending, haven’t we? Last time I was kinda losing my mind, I think I still am, but I do want to talk to you… There’s something important I need to tell you.” He glimpsed his phone, unamused. “I’m sure we have some time before Lux comes in, so… After you.”

Ah, yes, their last ‘conversation’, if they can call it like that. A better word for it could be, eh, foreplay. 

What? That’s what it was.

What else could it be? If you mix the study sessions, the hiccups, and the way they used to have fun, and add them all together, of course, it had to be some kind of… Romantic conversation. Not exactly in a lustful, dissaranged way but more in a sweet, green-mint vanilla; soft and sweet… Like Ekko. Also, Jinx did notice the way Ekko tried to hold her hand while they were talking. And the way they got more and more into each other’s personal space? God! Her racing heart reminded her how unexpected that was!

It was completely irrational for Ekko to act like that. Was it new? No, not really. Was it weird? Maybe, but only because Jinx didn’t know what kind of relationship he had with Noodles. That Barbie look-alike was really close to him, and they even work together. Even though Jinx had this hunch inside of her, telling her they weren’t romantically involved. 

                                        …But they were holding hands the other day…

Shhh! 

…And Ekko was so protective…

Stop.

Ekko is not like that.

He’s a nice guy.

He would never.

Although, to be honest, Jinx had no idea precisely. Ekko had never had a girlfriend or any sort of romantic relationship before. She knew he was not like that. She trusted him with eyes closed, like always, like forever, and even if they were not together, they used to be, like friends and life itself. If he wanted to continue their last conversation, she would be more than happy to accept. 

Regardless of Jinx not knowing they were in the same school, at first, she was kind of expecting this to happen. Ekko might have looked a little bit more shy in her mind, but hey, she was not going to complain about it.

It was nice to see his old confidence on the surface, completely exposed. 

With that thought bubbling in her mind and the fizzy sound her heart was making buzzing in her ears, Jinx walked into the center and sat down on the table as if it was her own house—Vander’s, Vi’s, the old manor. She carefully placed her backpack next to her and waited patiently for her favorite guy, who was closing the door, perhaps for more privacy. Jinx bit her lip with her mind rambling in a bunch of messy, light, loving thoughts.

She patted the chair in front of her with her shoe the moment Ekko faced her, his eyes drowned in doubt. “I think it would be better if you use a chair.”

Her head moved in denial. They’ll be closer this way.

“Fine,” and he sat down slowly, a bit unsure. “Listen, I think we’ve been avoiding talking about… About us, because we got distracted- I get distracted. So, please, please can we have a normal conversation without, well, that?” The deep breath escaping from his mouth while he was holding his head and closing his eyes smelled like fresh mint. Jinx was sure it tasted like honey. “No hugs, no tears, no holding hands, no puppy eyes, no clouds, no perfume, and please don’t look at me like that.”

A soft tilt showed her confusion. Like what? She asked.

His eyes widened like two boiled eggs.“...Forget it. I’ll just close my eyes,” Ekko sighed. “ ‘Point is I can’t keep pretending nothing happened. I can’t just drown myself in you. It happened, more than once, and I don’t know if I liked it—I mean, I did—but I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t, but…”

There it is—the sugary way of his words. The soft layer of nervousness glowing on his skin makes any conviction more and more tentative. She missed it, like rain in drought, like lights glowing in the shadows. It’s something so distinctive, so unique of him, it was possible no other human being could be capable of it—at least not the ones Jinx had met.

There was no practice behind those words; it was just a boy—a kid, a man—with his heart trapped in his throat, choking him with a dense, foggy desperation. A poem being born from a mere sentence, pretending nothing and everything at the same time. It was the result of being such a passionate person.

And the way he looks at her, ah…

And the way his hands dance when he speaks, ah…

Even if he was just talking, it was a delight to hear him, to be here at his side. It felt impossible, yet here she was, going against a whole life plan with her name on it thanks to a stroke of luck.

Luck.

Lucky.

Oh, how lucky she was.

To be embraced in such a dense, crushing feeling was like being wrapped in his jacket. Safe, comfortable, known yet strange; all at once. A deep breath brought her a glimpse of his perfume, of the salty, coastal breeze that clung to his shoes, the cold rain in his hair. Her heart grew desperate, to warm up, to cool him down.

It was a side effect of Ekko’s presence. Impossible to erase, to forget—indelible. Don’t ask her to get used to it, she couldn’t—she didn’t want to. Having all these emotions boiling inside of her each time they’ve seen each other since she came back makes her grateful for this second chance, for leaving Paris and not going back. 

It also works as a punishment, making her think about what could have been if Peré had changed his mind years ago. 

It had to mean something, to be here with him because… What were the chances of seeing each other again if Ekko was not supposed to be in the city? What the hell happened for them to meet exactly here, after so many years? 

Perhaps it was destiny…

“...And because of it, I think we need to avoid those kinds of stuff…Ugh,” Ekko scoffed, lips pursed and eyes on her, always there. “ Was it always so hard to talk to you?- No, wait. Don’t answer me.” 

Ignoring his petition, Jinx denied his argument while a tiny, feathery smile appeared on her face.

It’s hard for me, too, Stargazer.

I don’t know what to do. 

I want to talk…

Yet… 

I don’t.

I want to hold you,

To hear you,

To see you.

For all the years that I didn’t.

A part of Jinx wanted to laugh and kick her feet, losing her mind to this old-new sensation, but didn’t; only because she wanted to keep listening.

“...What I’m trying to say is, uh, the other day I… I-It wasn’t my intention to… To be that close. W-we almost- And I shouldn’t-”

Ekko attempted to hold her hands—she saw him—but stopped himself from doing so. Instead, his back rested entirely against the chair’s back.

“We could've talked about things that actually matter instead of playing dumb and wasting time.” He took a deep breath, his hands dancing softly behind the back of the chair, a glimpse of desperation and confusion. “I mean, not like seeing you is a waste of time. It’s just that - ugh, I just want to know if we’re on the same page- if you see what I see. Something happened between us, and it keeps happening, on and on. Don’t you feel it?  Something’s different…”

Yes, it is, she thought. That’s why I brought the muffin.

Ah!

The muffin!

There was a cartoony attempt to stop him talking, not because what he was saying wasn’t important—it was—but because Jinx knew she might get distracted enough not to tell him about what she prepared for him. It might be helpful; he looks more nervous than usual. Nothing like the bold, kinda pissed, confident guy he was a few minutes ago.

I have a surprise, Jinx signed. For you.

Ekko focused on her completely, her brows furrowed in perplexity. “Ah… I don’t think it's the right time to-”

It's important.

He huffed in a tired despair, “It might be, Powder, but this is important, too, don’t you think? I want to talk to you, I have to, and the more we avoid this… The longer it’ll take to get over it.”

Whatever he had in that pretty head of his must be a heavy burden on him to be so insistent in the ‘we need to talk’ thing; it had been going on for a while now. Still, she tried, just one more time, for him, for her, for them. Jinx is not known to beg for anything, but when someone she cares about is in the matter, she’ll do it on and on.

Please, and the way she smiled must have had some effect on him because he lay back in the chair in defiance, still looking at her. 

“This is the only distraction we’re gonna have, okay?” Ekko stated. Jinx didn’t even answer; she jumped into the action.

A monumental tupper with a black lid came out of her backpack. It wasn’t hot, but a soft, mellow warmth heated the plastic, perhaps a consequence of the trip itself. She put it on the table and opened it, revealing the gigantic, monstrous muffin. It was basically a one-person cake, but… Yeah, it wasn’t, and for it, Ekko would love it even more.

Jinx relished the expression caressing his face. A paralyzed shock with a fair, glazed dim in his brown eyes, as if the cream cheese frosting was melting over his dilated pupils. Was it amusement? Hunger? Who knows? It was new. Ekko stayed still; no attempt to reach out, no lovable smile. He was just there, a frozen image, a terrifying statue. Jinx’s stomach twirled. Her chest rose and fell. Did he like it? Has she done something wrong? No, it couldn’t be, Jinx knows that recipe back and forth… What if he doesn’t like it anymore?

“...Huh.” He said with a shrug, relaxing his face slightly. What kind of reaction was that? “Never seen a muffin so small before.”

Ha ha. Very funny, Ekko.

“It’s too big for breakfast.”

No, it’s not, she thought. Jinx has seen him eating more. Vander loves to cook for Ekko because he eats a lot.

“...You’re not gonna bring one of these each time instead of the tea, are you?”

Do you want me to do that?

“God, no,” Ekko said when he stopped laughing. “It takes a lot of time to make a cake, or a muffin, especially one of this size. Don’t… You don’t have to make an effort like this for me. It’s too much.”

Her foot nudged his knee, a poorly made attempt to get him to focus on her completely. Do you still like it?