Chapter Text
Love Language: Physical Touch
Dazai never liked the feeling of someone touching his skin. It always makes him feel like spikes touch his skin, freezing like frostbite. Not to mention how nauseous he gets when someone even grazes his hand, let alone his actual bandaged skin.
This is a reason why he wears his bandages, it stops the physical touch.
With this knowledge, Dazai truly thought he would never find a person who could touch his skin and make him feel something other than the uncomfortable sensation he’s grown to know and avoid.
So when he got shot up high in the arm during a mission, he didn’t let anyone touch him or help bandage himself up. It was always like that, something he was used to doing and everyone knew not to ask.
But of course there’s always that one thorn on Dazai’s side that wouldn’t leave him alone. That thorn being none other than his partner in crime, Chuuya Nakahara.
Walking to his shipping container, Chuuya followed him, trying to get Dazai to let him help with the wound he was currently putting pressure on.
It was a deep wound, deeper than usual. Almost went through his entire arm based on the pain levels and blood loss he’s currently suffering.
Dazai knew he could bandage himself up like this, the only problem being it’ll be painful to take the bullet out of his arm and the bandaging work is going to be difficult.
And it seems Chuuya also noticed that, since he’s still following him! He knew Chuuya was a loyal dog, but he didn’t expect him to follow Dazai back to his container.
”The wound is going to get infected in that damn shipping Container you call your home! I can’t work with a partner who lost an entire arm! Let me help you for once in your fucking life, wont you!?”
First of all, he would never call the shipping container his ‘home’. It’s just a place he stays in to sleep and eat. Secondly, Chuuya knows damn well Dazai doesn’t need 2 arms to still be helpful. And lastly, no, he would rather die a painful death than have someone help him. Especially if that meant they’ll touch his skin.
“Just leave me alone, I can do this myself and you know that very well”
He then noticed how Chuuya stopped following him, head hung low and fists clenched, but he didn’t stop walking. He was going to his shipping container and getting this over with damn it.
“How are we supposed to trust each other if you won’t trust me!”, Chuuya said with a growl in his tone.
That stopped Dazai.
Chuuya took that as a sign to continue, “I trust you so much with my life that I practically hand it over to you when I use corruption! But when I want you to for once return that trust, you refuse. Being partners means trust needs to go both ways Dazai. It can’t be one sided.”
It started to rain but both boys stood there in silence. Letting the rain pour on them, heavier and louder by the second.
“It doesn’t have to be for this specific situation Dazai, you can go loose and arm right now for all I care, but I need you to one day return that trust. And that day better not be in a year or I'll give you a painful death.”
Should he let Chuuya help him? He is right about the trust thing, he hasn’t been giving Chuuya his trust, while Chuuya would practically put his life in Dazai’s own hand.
He doesn’t have to let Chuuya help him now, he was given that choice, but Dazai also wants to show Chuuya that he does in fact trust him.
Sigh
Maybe it’s time to open up to the Slug
Sighing, Dazai turned to Chuuya, who was already starting to walk away.
Not wanting the ginger to go away, Dazai did something he would’ve never done in a million years. He ran to Chuuya and let go of his bleeding wound to grab onto Chuuya’s arm.
“Please don’t go. You were right, it's time I learn to trust you.”
Dazai looked up to examine Chuuya’s face only to find him taken aback. Which would make sense, since Chuuya is taken aback by how genuine Dazai sounds.
As they stood in the silence with only the sound of the pouring rain filling their ears, Dazai finally decided to speak up for the both of them.
“I think I should get my wound checked out before I actually die a painful death slug.”
Chuuya chuckled at the comment as he held Dazai’s hand and dragged him (carefully so he wouldn't injure Dazai even more) to the opposite direction of Dazai’s container.
“Slug you're going the wrong way! The container is the other way.”
Chuuya scoffed and began to complain about how ‘horrid Dazai’s shipping container was’ and how ‘if they tried to treat the wound there, it would get infected and he’ll die’, etc., etc. So Chuuya was dragging them to his own apartment, which was relatively closer than his container.
As they walked, Chuuya let go of Dazai’s hand so he could continue to apply pressure on the wound. And it was only then that Dazai realized he touched Chuuya and he didn’t feel nauseous.
Maybe it was just a fluke from all the blood loss?
Ya, definitely.
Arriving at the apartment, Chuuya immediately dragged Dazai into his bathroom, where he had a first aid kit that was suitable for the brunette's current injury.
As Dazai rolled up his sleeve to gain access to the wound, it hit him that he’ll have to unwrap the bandages that act as a barrier for his skin. With that in mind he began to panic a bit, second guessing his decision of letting Chuuya tend to his wounds.
‘Shit, why didn’t I think of this? It’s not like me to forget something so obvious and important! I can’t back down now either, since I practically promised Chuuya this so he knows I trust him. But even then, feeling nauseous is the least of my worries since I have a bad injury that could end up really bad if I don’t tend to it properly. Even doing it myself, I would be risking a lot . Shit shit shit shit shi-‘
“If you don’t want me to judge, don’t worry I won’t,” Chuuya started, “I understand if this is too much for you and I can leave and let you handle this on your own. Knowing you’re going this far is enough for me to know you trust me. You don’t have to push yourself.”
Chuuya’s eyes were a warm sapphire blue on the right and a delicate chocolate brown on the left. His eyes softened as he said those words while gazing into Dazai’s own eyes, that seemed to be completely black because of the light.
‘He wasn’t upset,’ Dazai realized. ‘He’s already so content with this, even though I gave him the bare minimum… maybe letting him help truly won’t hurt’
Chuuya’s eyes shifted to Dazai’s injured arm as he began to unwrap it, only to wince at the pain and clench the bandage strip he held tightly.
Chuuya reached his arms forward, stopping a few inches away from Dazai’s arm; waiting for Dazai to let him work on the bandages.
He nodded and studied the ginger’s face as he unwrapped the bandages.
Not once did his face show any sign of pity, which was a nice and comforting feeling to knowing that.
At some point, Chuuya’s hand grazed over Dazai’s skin, causing the brunette to stiffen, waiting for the nauseating feeling and pricking sensation he was so used to feeling when someone touched his skin.
But he wasn’t met with any of that, only warmth from the other’s hand that practically traveled around his cold body; making him feel warmth as his body relaxed.
It was something he never experienced and it thrilled him, knowing someone can make contact with him and he won’t get sick. Soon enough, Dazai wanted to feel that warmth again. The warmth he was never able to have in his life till Chuuya. A warmth that made him realize he was touch starved.
As he looked up at Chuuya, his eyes met with the other’s. His face seemed to be filled with somber.
“Is something wrong, Slug?” He asked, mustering up the best lopsided grin he could put on with the current pain he was feeling.
“Why did you react like that? I barely even grazed your skin?” Worry filled his voice and was plastered on his face.
‘I’ve never seen Chuuya so worried before.’
“You’re just so gross for a slug, truly, why else would you think?”
“Tell me the truth Dazai, I’m not playing around.”
Chuuya’s face turned from that of worry to anger.
“It’s nothing, just ignore it, okay. I don’t see what’s so worr-“
“YOU FUCKING TENSED UP WHEN I BARELY TOUCHED YOU!” He was screaming now as tears threatened to pour out.
As Dazai was about to counter back, Chuuya continued, “You're my partner Osamu, I trust you with my entire life but the moment I touched you, you tensed up! Do you really not trust me that much?”
Dazai argued back, feeling anger seeping through his words, “I just don’t get why you're pushing it this much! It’s not like you’re actually worried about why I tensed up!”
“I AM WORRIED!”
Oh
Oh
Dazai paused, his eyes opened as if that comment had just directly smacked him across the face.
“I’m so fucking worried damnit. Why won’t you accept that’s the truth instead of playing it off! Just tell me, please, why you don’t trust me enough to the point you get so tense.”
Chuuya never says please, especially to Dazai.
Maybe he should tell the truth.
Sighing, Dazai closed his eyes as he took in a deep breath. He’s never told anyone about this, looks like Chuuya’s been the first for a lot of things.
So he looks towards the floor as he speaks, “I don’t like the feeling of someone touching my skin.”
He paused, waiting to see if Chuuya had anything to say. But he stayed silent, so Dazai continued.
“It’s one of the reasons why I wear bandages. Feeling someone touch my skin has made me feel nauseous and the contact will usually feel like needles are being pressed in.”
Looking up once more, he’s met with those mismatched colored eyes, the worry from them not disappearing.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know-“
“Of course you didn’t know, I just told you. Stupid slug,” Dazau said as he smiled and flicked Chuuya’s forehead with his uninjured arm.
Chuuya continued to help heal Dazai’s wound but they both sat in silence. Dazai stole a couple of glances at Chuuya and noticed how he was purposely trying not to touch him.
Considerate, but Dazai would like to feel that contact once more, it was something he found out he enjoyed and Chuuya was the only one who could deliver that.
He’d be dammed if he finally found someone who can do that and lose that experience.
In a low and quiet whisper he said, “You were different Chuuya”
Hearing his name, Chuuya instantly looked up.
“What was that?”
“I said you were different, Chuuya. You're the first person I’ve met who didn’t make me feel nauseous. It was nice to feel warmth instead of freezing pain,” Dazai responded in a quiet whisper, but loud enough for Chuuya to hear, as a smile creeped up his face.
Chuuya returned the smile and continued to help Dazai, letting his fingers touch his skin now.
They stayed like that till Dazai was all bandaged up, but when Chuuya took his hand away, Dazai found himself wanting more.
So he got up along with Chuuya and began to cling onto him, grabbing his hand or leaning against him. Chuuya called him clingy a couple of times, but Dazai honestly didn’t care, this was something he was happy to know he could have.
. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.
After a few months they both found out they had a crush on each other and began dating. That was when Dazai truly found out how much he loved physical touch.
Sure, holding hands and leaning on someone is a form of touch, but he definitely enjoys hugging and having Chuuya play with his hair even more.
It was something he looked forward to after every mission when they were both tired or when they just had free time in general. Not to mention that Dazai’s injuries have healed better when Chuuya helped him.
Now here he is, 6 months after finding out what Chuuya can do that others can’t. Lying on his lap as Chuuya played with Dazai’s hair while they watched a particularly boring movie in Dazai’s opinion.
As the movie played — with Chuuya playing with his hair — Dazai found himself dozing to sleep. Which was something that was difficult for him thanks to his insomnia.
Leaning into Chuuya’s touch, he was right about to sleep when he was shaken awake by none other than his dog.
Dazai sat up as he looked at Chuuya with tired eyes and complained, ”Chuuyaaaa, what was that for?”
”You're not sleeping on the couch, Mackerel. It’ll be uncomfortable to sleep here.”
”I’ve done it plenty of times, Chuuya, once more won’t hurt,” Dazai argued as he closed his tired eyes and leaned on his partner's shoulder.
”Nope, nuh uh, you are not sleeping on the couch. Let's move to the bedroom.”
With that said, Chuuya stood up —leading to Dazai’s head falling onto the couch— and walked to his bedroom.
”So rude,” he murmured as he followed Chuuya.
They both got into Chuuya’s bed as they cuddled one another and both dozed off.
Dazai wasn’t one who actually hoped for something, but he hoped that things would stay like this between them forever.