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There it is again. That look of disdain that the young man doesn’t even bother trying to hide. And he’s the only one on the receiving end of it.
Jeon Jungkook, the number one university heartthrob. He is friendly and talks with everyone, always all smiles and loves others as much as they love him. Yet every rule needs an exception, and it seems that in this case the exception is Jimin. Whenever their eyes meet, Jungkook’s smile fades and his whole demeanor grows cold.
Jimin doesn’t understand why Jungkook hates him. Has he done something wrong? Or did Jungkook’s big heart run out of space just as Jimin came into the picture? He needs to know, even if the answer breaks his own heart into pieces.
As far as he can remember, they’ve only talked twice. First when they were taking the same course and Jimin asked him if he wanted to join him and Hoseok for the group project. Back then Jungkook had looked surprised, not hateful. He had declined the offer, saying he already had a group and that was that. Jungkook couldn’t have hated him for that. The second time they talked was about a month later…
Jimin was shopping in his favourite store, looking for something cute to wear to his friend’s birthday party. He is checking out some crop tops when he turns around a little too quickly, accidentally bumping into someone.
“I’m sorry-”
It's Jeon Jungkook. Jimin has never seen him outside of the campus area. He smiles at him, thinking about all the great things he’s heard about the guy. Now that they’ve met like this, it would be nice to hang out a little.
“Jungkook? I didn’t expect to run into you here. I don’t know if you remember me, but we both took Mr. Lim’s course last semester.”
Jungkook looks around them. He seems nervous for some reason. It throws Jimin in for a loop because Jungkook has always appeared so confident.
“Yeah… Park Jimin, right?”
Jimin can’t help but smile. Jungkook remembered his name!
“Yes! This is my favourite store actually, I come here all the time. Are you looking for something specific or just taking a look?”
“This kind of stuff…It doesn’t suit me.”
Jungkook’s voice is low, and he seems to purposefully avoid eye contact with him. Could it be that Jungkook is actually shy?
“I don’t believe that! Bet you just haven’t tried it. You’d look so pretty in-”
“Fuck off. I said it’s not for me.”
“But…”
“You wear it. You’re the pretty one.”
After that Jungkook left, not even giving Jimin a chance to reply.
They haven’t talked since. Was Jimin really so wrong for trying to encourage Jungkook? There had to be a reason the latter was at that store, and if it was to buy clothes for someone else, he could have just said so.
“You’re sulking again,” Hoseok comments.
“He must have run into mister popular again,” Yoongi says, taking a guess.
“I just don’t get it. And it’s annoying because I don’t even have any good reason to hate him back,” Jimin whines.
“Are you sure he hates you? What if he’s into you? I heard he looks angry when he eats delicious food, maybe it’s like that when he likes someone too,” Hoseok theorizes.
“That’s absurd. And although it makes no sense that he hates me, it would make even less sense for him to like me. We don’t even know each other!”
“You’re more charming than you think. Hobi might be right,” Yoongi smirks.
“You two are no help. Where’s my soulmate when I need him?”
“Taehyung is too busy thirsting over Namjoon and thinking about ways to get closer to him.”
Jimin sighs. His best friend has been following that big teddy bear around the campus like a lovesick puppy. Jimin would be willing to help him out in his quest, but Namjoon happened to be good friends with Jungkook, so Jimin couldn’t exactly tag along. Still, if Taehyung and Namjoon do become an item, things are bound to get awkward anyway. He should look at it positively, maybe he’ll find out the reason behind Jungkook’s animosity towards him.
🍃🍃🍃
Jimin doesn’t drink a lot. Not usually, anyway. But the eyes he feels on his back only push him to gulp down a drink after another. Maybe coming to this party was a mistake. If only Taehyung didn’t insist on going together only to abandon him for that hunk.
Well, it was actually Jimin who left them by themselves with the excuse of wanting more drinks. The things he does for his soulmate.
“Park Jimin, right?”
Jimin turns when he hears someone call his name. It’s Seokjin, one of Jungkook and Namjoon’s friends. He was almost as popular as Jungkook despite their different personalities. Seokjin was nice, but he didn’t try to please everyone like Jungkook did. Jimin did have to admit that he was handsome.
“Yeah. How do you know my name? Did Taehyung say something about me?”
“He talks about you a lot,” Seokjin laughs. “But I wanted to ask you something, if you don’t mind.”
“Go on. I’m too drunk to lie.”
“...What’s your bank account?”
It’s a bad joke, but Jimin still laughs. At least he can blame it on the alcohol.
“Nice try.”
Seokjin shrugs and grins mischievously. All of a sudden his expression turns serious.
“Did something happen between you and Jungkook?”
Should have known it’s about this again, Jimin thinks. He might just need one more drink.
“So what you’re saying is that you don’t know why he hates you so much?”
“Exactly. It’s a total mystery to me!”
“That is odd… Jungkook is not the kind of person to hate someone with no reason. And you say you didn’t do anything? Not even something small that you thought wouldn’t mean anything?”
“I’m telling you I’m innocent. I have not wronged him in any way.”
“It’s not that I don’t believe you… I just find this thing so strange. I don’t think Jungkook would like me talking to you about this, but I know he’s not all that. He tries really hard to be liked by others, but it’s not like he never finds other people annoying, you know? He has opened up about it to me and Joon. But he never tells us why you are so different. He can hide his discomfort regarding everyone else but not you.”
“Way to tell me I suck.”
“Dude, I didn’t mean it like that. And just between us, I don’t think he hates you as much as you think he does. I know I’m asking too much, but I hope you could give him the benefit of doubt. There has to be a reason, even if it’s a dumb one.”
Jimin wants to lash out at Seokjin; he wants to tell him to stop trying to excuse his friend’s senseless animosity towards him, but he holds back. He doesn’t respond at all and Seokjin leaves without another word.
He has already drunk too much, but there’s still more than half left in his cup. Jimin's lifting the cup to his lips when a hand grabs his wrist and stops him.
“Are you sure you want to do that? You’ve been drinking all night.”
Jeon fucking Jungkook, the owner of those eyes that wouldn’t stop boring holes into his jacket. Jimin wants to throw the alcohol on his face.
“Stalker. And I’m an adult, let me drink.”
“I’m not stalking you.”
“Then who was it that kept staring at me? Casper the friendly ghost?”
“Stop thinking that the world revolves around you. I wanted to get drinks too but you wouldn’t move your ass,” Jungkook complains. His frown looks cute, somewhat.
“No it doesn’t,” Jimin mumbles to himself. Jungkook was not cute.
“Did you say something?”
“No. Get your drink and let me finish this one.”
Jungkook actually seems to listen, moving past him to get his liquid fix. Jimin hoped he’d leave him alone now, but he wasn’t that lucky. After getting his drink, Jungkook addresses him again.
“What did you and Jin talk about?
“Didn’t you just say you’re not a stalker?”
“I was just asking out of curiosity. I didn’t think he’d talk to you.”
“Why not? Are you prohibiting your friends from talking to me now?”
Now Jimin isn’t exactly the most confrontational person. But the growing frustration combined with his drunken state makes him speak his mind, all hesitation out the window.
“The fuck? Of course not. They can do whatever they want.”
Under your watch, Jimin almost says as he thinks back to Jungkook staring at him.
“Just give it to me straight, Jeon. How did I wrong you to make you hate me so much?”
Jungkook’s poker face cracks. Jimin may be drunk, but he’s sure of what he sees. A flash of guilt in the other’s eye, nervous little movements like biting his lip… Just one more push and the image Jungkook has worked so hard to build and maintain may just fall apart.
He leans more into Jungkook’s space, searching for answers in Jungkook’s doe eyes. His eyes are so big, Jimin notices. They’re like a vast night sky full of stars. Jimin tries to draw constellations, make sense of the emotions reflected by those eyes.
Jimin’s gaze is then drawn to Jungkook’s lips, observing the tongue that parts them and wets Jungkook’s lower lip as if in slow motion.
“You didn’t wrong me,” Jungkook admits. “But I still can’t help but hate you.”
“Is it really hate?” Jimin asks, challenges. Despite disagreeing with his friend initially, Hoseok’s words have lingered in his mind.
“What if he’s into you?”
Jimin finds himself wanting to test out that theory.
“What do you mean? What else-”
Jungkook’s words get cut off by the gasp that escapes him when Jimin closes the distance completely. He stares into Jimin’s eyes with a bewildered look on his face. Fuck it, it’s cute. Really cute. So cute that he could…
“...kiss you.”
The alcohol has washed away all his restraint. Jimin closes his eyes, and the next thing he knows he’s kissing Jeon Jungkook, the campus sweetheart.
And Jungkook kisses him back. Careful, curious. The taste of alcohol and something uniquely Jungkook takes over Jimin’s senses. He deepens the kiss and Jungkook responds in kind, more eager now. He places a hand on the back of Jimin’s neck to hold him close, tilting his own head to find a better angle.
They keep making out until they’re both catching their breath. Jungkook’s face is flushed red, and he’s biting his lip again. He looks so flustered, and Jimin can’t help but feel a bit proud. He made the calm and composed Jungkook lose his cool like this.
“Oh god,” Jungkook breathes out with downcast eyes. He suddenly winces, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I shouldn't have done that.”
Jungkook doesn't look at him when he leaves, escaping from the moment, the space they shared.
Jimin feels cold, like a deadly glacier in this ocean of people. If there was ever a chance to make things right with Jungkook, that ship is now wrecked, resting on the seabed. All because of Jimin.
🍃🍃🍃
Jimin thinks he shouldn't be allowed to drink ever again. If only he had been sober, he wouldn't have kissed Jungkook like that and made him uncomfortable. If Jungkook didn't truly hate him before, he must hate him now. And this time it was for a good reason.
It didn't matter that Jungkook had kissed him back, it was likely the alcohol that made him do that anyway. He clearly regretted it afterwards; that much was evident from the way he wouldn't look Jimin in the eye, the way he wiped his mouth and said he shouldn't have done it. The way he ran away.
Jimin's heart hurts. It hurts to admit he had crossed a boundary and caused harm to Jungkook. Jimin has always known and acknowledged that he isn't perfect, but he has nonetheless seen himself as a good person. He isn't so sure now.
It’s not just the kiss, he realises. It's the fact that he can't help but lament losing all chances to be with Jungkook that really disgusts him. Jimin should feel sorry about what he did, not cry over his hopeless crush on someone that hates him.
Jimin doesn’t see Jungkook the next day. Or the next. Or the day after that. It's not uncommon as they don't share any classes at the moment, but it feels like years have passed by before he runs into him again.
They come face to face on a random corridor of the third floor when Jimin is on his way to a project management class.
When their eyes meet, Jungkook’s gaze is no longer sharp like it used to be. He doesn't look angry but dejected.
Jimin finds that seeing Jungkook down like this is a lot more painful than seeing him mad. Jungkook used to ooze hatred around him, but now he seemed almost empty, as if he was void of any emotion.
Jimin wants to talk to him, wants to apologize and see that frown get replaced by a smile - even just a small polite one. Yet he can't seem to be able to speak, the words stuck in his throat. His mouth feels dry.
Tears sting his eyes when Jungkook walks past him without either of them saying a word to the other.
🍃🍃🍃
“Minnie? Everything okay?”
Jimin smiles a little. Of course Taehyung would notice something’s up with him.
Now that Taehyung had managed to win Namjoon over, he didn't have to run after the guy anymore and was spending more time with Jimin and the others. Sometimes Namjoon would tag along, but this time it was just the two of them. Yoongi and Hoseok were away somewhere doing their own thing, most likely writing songs.
“No,” he replies honestly.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“..You won't judge, will you?”
“I’ll try not to,” Taehyung winks before his expression turns serious. “Tell me?”
“I kissed Jungkook,” Jimin confesses, voice so quiet that his words almost get lost in the wind.
Taehyung’s eyes widen as surprise colours his entire being.
“You what and who?”
“You heard me… I was drunk so I wasn't really thinking clearly and he had also drunk some so we ended up making out a bit…”
“And? Is that so bad? Doesn't it mean he's actually attracted to you?”
“It’s very bad. The way he reacted after it... He regretted it, Tae.”
“Minnie… do you like Jungkook? Like really like him?”
Jimin’s heart clenches painfully in his chest. Taehyung must already know the truth, Jimin’s never been good at hiding things from his best friend. Not that he really wanted to either. Keeping secrets is too exhausting and his energy is running low.
“Yeah. I was always drawn to him but I didn't really think too much of it. I was content being just one of his many admirers, but then he started acting all weird and hateful around me. If my feelings for him were nothing, it wouldn't have hurt so much. That's when I finally realised how much I like him.”
Taehyung stands up and rounds their table to get to Jimin, hugging his best friend tight. For a moment Jimin just sits there in a daze. Then come the waterworks.
“I barely even know him, Tae. Why does it hurt so much?”
Taehyung doesn't have an answer. He only squeezes him a bit tighter.
🍃🍃🍃
The next time Jimin sees Jungkook, it’s in front of his favourite store, the same one where they met earlier. Jungkook is window shopping, it seems, looking at the stylishly clad mannequins with a certain longing that feels faintly familiar to Jimin.
It’s obvious that Jungkook wants to walk inside and buy something pretty for himself. Yet instead he turns around, flinching when he sees Jimin.
“Jungkook…”
“Hi, Jimin. I was just…just about to leave,” Jungkook sighs.
It’s awkward; neither of them expected to meet like this. But Jimin doesn’t want to miss his chance.
“Can we talk? Please.”
Jungkook contemplates the request, biting his lips again as his eyes dart around them, eventually fixing on Jimin. At last he nods.
“Not here.”
Jimin follows Jungkook to a nearby park. The latter sits down on a bench while Jimin stands under a tree, back against its thick trunk.
“I’m sorry about what happened at the party. I shouldn't have kissed you without your permission. Sure, I was drunk, but that's not an excuse,” Jimin says, having decided it's best to just apologize straight away. “I never understood why you hated me so much, but now I can't blame you if you do.”
He doesn't dare to look at Jungkook. He's too scared of what he might see.
Jungkook's voice is quiet and calm when he replies.
“I didn't hate the kiss. Don’t worry about it.”
I didn't hate the kiss
I didn't hate the kiss
I didn't hate the kiss
What does that mean? And why tell him not to worry about it? The confusion quickly morphs into frustration.
“Are you sure? I thought you regretted it.”
“It wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to keep my distance. Everytime I see you I…”
“You what? Why do you act so weird around me? Hating me without reason and not hating me when there is a reason. I don't get it, Jungkook.”
“I wouldn't expect you to get it.”
Jimin can’t take it anymore. He snaps, and he's shouting at Jungkook before he can stop himself.
“Then explain it to me! I want an answer, I need to know what the fuck I did wrong!”
Jungkook winces. His doe eyes are wide and Jimin falters at the sight of them glistening with tears. His own eyes are damp with tears.
Jimin’s voice breaks.
“I can't fix it if I don't know what it is…”
He didn't think he'd ever see Jungkook cry. Jungkook was always either smiling and spreading love everywhere or scowling at Jimin.
But here they are, breaking down. Tearing apart at the seams, unable to hold themselves together.
“You didn't do anything. I hated you because it was easier than hating myself.”
Jimin thinks he's supposed to feel happy, relieved. But Jungkook's words only make him utterly devastated.
“I wish I could be you. You are a good person, Jimin. I’m just pretending to be one for my own benefit. I want people to like me so I act like this. I avoid everything that might upset people around me. I want to dress up pretty like you do but I’m too much of a coward. I’m scared people won't like it.”
How could Jimin not see it? What he thought was hatred and disgust was actually envy. Jungkook envied him.
“You’re so attractive too. Perfect to a fault. It makes me feel all sorts of things but I only allowed myself to feel angry. Then when you kissed me, I had to face what I actually felt for you.”
Jimin is holding his breath. He looks at Jungkook, and their eyes meet.
They are both still crying.
Jimin steps forward, away from the cover of the tree and closer to Jungkook.
“What do you actually feel towards me, Jungkook?”
Jungkook looks at him without shying away this time. Among the regret and shame, Jimin can see a hint of something tender, something fond and almost…
loving.
“I admire you. I want to be more like you. And I want to get to know you better.”
Jimin feels his chest tighten, crushing his heart in the process. Why is he so disappointed? What was he even expecting?
But Jungkook wasn't done.
“I’m also insanely attracted to you. You have no idea. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that kiss. I thought I didn't deserve it, but at the same time I wished I could experience it again.”
Jimin feels as though he can finally breathe after suffocating for so long. He pulls Jungkook in for a big hug, wiping away both of their tears with a wide smile on his face.
“You should have just said so! Stop crying now and I'll kiss you as a reward,” Jimin promises.
Jungkook squeezes his eyes closed in an effort to keep the tears away. It doesn't work, but it's cute enough to warrant a kiss anyway. Jungkook opens his eyes in shock in the middle of the kiss, and Jimin giggles before kissing him again.
Jimin knows in his heart that this is going to be the start of something beautiful - and he can't wait to see it in full bloom.