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Tom looks over himself in the mirror, just to triple (quadruple?) check. Dark green sweater with a lighter, jagged stripe across the middle, dark jeans, and black sneakers. Jake said to dress casually, but is the sweater too nice? He only wears it around Christmastime to appease his mom for the family photo. He adjusts the black collar that drapes over the neckline. It’s as good as it’ll get, he supposes.
“Well, what do you think, Gabs?” Tom asks, turning to the cat for her opinion. She rolls over on her side, clearly hoping to be pet. “I’ll take that as a yes,” Tom chuckles, crouching to pat her head.
He grabs his keys and heads out, almost skipping the whole way to the car.
**
Jake isn’t close to his house, but Tom just doesn’t care. He flies for the half hour as fast as the Hatchback will take him, honking as he pulls up to Jake’s complex. Jake is ecstatic when he comes bounding out the front door, Tom barely getting a look at him before he swings the door open and jumps in.
Immediately, Jake is all over him. Jake holds his boyfriend close over the console, running his hands through his dark hair as he kisses him like it’ll be his last. Tom jumps in surprise but is eager to return the kiss. Jake’s mouth is hot; the way his tongue snakes around Tom’s leaves the older man breathless, a hungry heat building within his gut.
After a minute or so, Jake finally pulls away with one last peck on the lips. He gently pats the strands of hair that he ruffled out of place. “Sorry,” Jake breathes with a smile, “you make it hard for me to behave.”
“Is that watermelon I taste?” Tom asks, licking his lips. “That’s very on-brand for you.”
Jake wiggles into his seat, buckling himself in. “You look really handsome today.” Jake bats his big eyes and Tom melts, and now the sweater feels like a bad idea for how hot he’s becoming.
“T-thank you,” Tom replies, pulling his collar. “You always look really cute.” Now that Tom has a chance, he studies his boyfriend up and down. Jake is wearing his too-tight ripped black jeans with his pink skull letterman and a Marina graphic tee underneath, and his usual pink Converse.
“Thank you,” Jake coos. “I’m so excited for today, baby.”
The pet name sends sparks down Tom’s whole body. “W-well, we would’ve left sooner if you weren’t so distracting.” Tom backs out of the spot, driving his way out of the complex.
“You don’t like the way I say hello?”
Tom responds with a smile.
“Didn’t think so,” Jake giggles, placing his hand on Tom’s thigh.
**
As they pull up to the museum, Tom can feel Jake vibrating in his seat. It doesn’t seem to be very busy today, which means that we can take our time, Tom thinks.
Jake begins to unbuckle his seatbelt, but Tom stops him. “Jake, wait,” Tom says as he holds Jake’s hand in his own.
“What is it?” Jake looks to Tom in surprise.
It’s Tom’s turn to lean over the console and kiss Jake deeply, but turns away before Jake has more than a few seconds to react. He jumps out of the car smugly as Jake tries to follow.
“Hey!” Jake catches up from around their car in the parking lot. “You didn’t let me finish!”
“Then I guess you’re going to have to get me later for it,” Tom shoots with a smirk.
Jake takes Tom’s hand and beams at him, his hot palm sending fire through his veins. Tom loves their silly games. Tom loves being with Jake.
The museum is quiet, as expected. Tom pays for their tickets, and they each receive a sticker to wear for entry.
“Thank you,” Jake says, looking away. “Sorry I can’t really pay...”
“Hey, the guy pays, right?” Tom smirks.
“Oh, what are you trying to say?”
“Because I’m your guy,” Tom says plainly but heartfully. Jake looks away bashfully this time, squeezing Tom’s hand.
The museum smells clean and is very, very white, aside from the pieces of art. White tiles and white floors and white ceilings, although there are some very pleasing archways and entryways. The first area focuses on abstract pieces, embodiments of the artists’ deepest and most subversive expressions of their views on the world and of themselves. These pieces interact with the environment around them as well as their own body of work, creating bold and sometimes devastating commentary about the spaces they live in.
That’s, at least, what the placard describes on the wall. Oh boy.
Tom has never really been an “art” guy, but Jake gravitates to the first painting he finds in awe. Tom doesn’t want to stop holding hands, so of course he follows.
Jake spends at least a minute in silence looking at the piece. To Tom, it seems simple. It’s a massive painting, several feet in height and width, and on the right half is the color red, and on the left side are the colors yellow, blue, orange, and white, all different sizes. There's a single, skinny line that runs down the painting that defies the straight edges of the other colors.
“I like it,” Jake states. “What do you think, Tom?”
Oh, shit. If he’s honest, Tom has no thoughts. He doesn’t “get” it. What does Jake see that he doesn’t? There’s no pictures of people, there’s no pictures at all. He feels silly; was he supposed to do some research prior? The placard said some strong stuff about emotions, but he doesn’t really feel anything.
There’s no point in pretending that he knows what he’s talking about, because he doesn’t want to lie to Jake, but Jake seems like he’s having fun, and Tom doesn’t want to ruin the mood. “I think it’s pretty cool. I like how big the red is,” is what Tom decides to say, which is true.
“Me, too,” Jake replies. “It’s so big and overbearing.”
He thinks he gets it, and Jake seems satisfied.
They move onto a few other pieces, sometimes making conversation, sometimes staring in silence. Although he doesn’t really understand the art as it’s probably meant to be understood, Tom starts to get the appeal of these kinds of dates. He had to go on trips as a kid to the museum, and never really went as an adult. But being here in relative silence with Jake, holding his hand, and watching him smile, it’s... nice. Really nice. He can’t remember the last time he saw Jake so happy since the end of their season on Disventure Camp, after the finale and coming home to spend time together after the plane landed. Seeing Jake in a more natural, normal place outside of reality television is... different.
Tom wants to kick himself. He could’ve had this with Jake for two years and, hell, after that much time they could’ve started building their lives together. Jake’s got problems, and Tom is no better, but there could’ve been so much more. Stupid.
I’m so fucking stupid.
“Tom?” Jake whispers, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Are you okay?”
“Oh,” Tom starts, unaware that he was spacing out. “S-sorry, I was just thinking.”
Jake seems wilted, already wounded from what Tom might say next. “I’m sorry if this isn’t very fun...”
Tom squeezes his boyfriend’s hand, fully turning to him. “Wait, no, Jake, nothing is wrong. I love being here with you.” Be honest with him. After all this time, he at least deserves that. “I... don’t really ‘get’ a lot of this stuff, but I’m happy just being here with you.”
Tom takes a deep breath, staring straight into Jake’s soft, tender stare. “Jake, I just feel really guilty about how I treated you these past few years. I thought I was doing the right thing for both of us... but it was just selfish of me.”
The pair are in front of a large painting, one depicting a man holding a woman is his arm. His face contorts to express his anguish at the loss of his lover, a pale, gorgeous woman who lays slack in his arms. “Being here with you, it made me realize how much we went through being on the show. It felt like our lives weren’t normal there. But being here, being normal with you... I feel so stupid for wasting so much time. I want to make up for everything I missed.”
Jake’s worry dissipates with a small, sweet smile. “I know, Tom, and we’ve already talked about it. Honestly, it hurt me a lot... and I want to make up for the time, too.”
Jake takes Tom’s other hand in his, facing him directly. “We made a lot of mistakes, and I know we have things to work on, but I don’t want to spend any more time just thinking about what could’ve been today. I want to enjoy my first date with you, and I want to make you happy.”
Tom is so touched he tears up. He leans in and is pleased that Jake meets him halfway for a short, sweet kiss. There’s a fire within him, he feels, and Jake strokes the coals every time their lips meet.
“Come on, the rest of these paintings aren’t going to look at themselves,” Jake smiles when he pulls away.
They walk around for a while, Jake giving his two cents on some of the artwork and getting excited about it. Tom knew that they both liked to read comics and watch cartoons and things like that, but he had no idea how expansive Jake’s love for art was. He seems to know quite a bit more than the average person about the pieces and the artists being featured. Tom tries his best to digest the artwork, no matter how abstract it is. Jake always gives him that small, sweet smile of appreciation.
Somewhere towards the end of the museum, the pair take a seat on a bench. They’ve been walking around for a few hours, and it’s time for a little break. There’s a realistic-looking painting of a man right across from them, but the lines and textures make the man look uncanny in appearance.
“Wow, Jake, I had no idea how much you liked this kind of stuff,” Tom says, amazed. “You sure know a lot.”
Jake curls a strand of hair behind his ear bashfully. “Oh, I guess so. I took a lot of art classes in high school. I wasn’t that great at it, but I really liked doing it.”
Jake fiddles with his fingernails blankly. “I didn’t really like being at home a lot when I was younger. My parents were just really hard on me. We had a library nearby and I would just walk there and hang out when my parents were home on the weekends. Sometimes the museum would have free days for our school, and we would all go to hang out.”
Jake smiles sadly. “I guess I never really realized how much time I spent away from home. Sometimes my brother would take me out when things got really bad. I remember one time when I was 11, we went to the museum and just spent the whole day together. We got ice cream afterwards. My mom was so mad when we got home, but I just didn’t care. I was happy, then.”
Tom wraps his arm around Jake and pulls him close, because he’s not sure what else he should do. “I’m so sorry, Jake,” Tom speaks softly. “I’m sorry things were hard for you.”
Jake leans in, fitting his head in the space between Tom’s head and shoulder. “It was hard. But it’s gotten better.” He kisses Tom’s neck before pulling away. “At least I got my Prince Charming in the end.”
The museum is quiet. No one is around, not that it matters. Tom tilts his boyfriend's head, kissing him gently. It’s not as hasty like in the car, but the fire ignites in his heart once again. When they part, Tom holds his hand against Jake’s face. Those dark, beautiful eyes carry so much joy and light into his life, but can carry so much... sadness.
Tom knows how much Jake has suffered. Today is not the day to worry, though. “You sure seem to like me or something,” he teases.
The mood lifts as Jake rolls his eyes with a smile. “Oh, my God.”
Tom gives Jake’s cheek a peck quickly before standing up. “Come on, we’re almost done. I picked out a really good place to eat after, and I think you’ll really like it!”
Jake stands immediately, returning the favor and kissing Tom’s cheek, right over his scar. “I’d go anywhere with you.”
Tom takes his boyfriend’s hand again, but the fingers are cold. Jake is smiling, but he feels the agony course through his arm. He knows the road to recovery with Jake is long and rough, but Tom is willing to ride it. These small, precious moments make it all worth it.
The rest of the exhibit goes well. Tom sticks a little closer to Jake and tries to at least give some kind of insight into the artwork. He hasn’t said much, but he’s at least trying to understand.
“I like this painting the most, I think,” Tom states. It’s a portrait of a young man, frowning, with a withered bouquet in his hand. He’s sitting, forlorn and lost.
“Interesting,” Jake says, taking in the image. “Why’s that?”
“I don’t know. I just... feel for him.”
Jake squeezes his hand. “Well, I’m glad there’s at least one painting that you like.”
“What? N-no, there were others that I liked,” Tom corrects, his face getting hot.
“Soooooo, which other ones?” Jake asks, smirking.
“Uh, well, you know... That one with the barn?”
Jake giggles. “I loved that your response was ‘It’s a cool barn.’”
“Well, it was,” Tom chuckles. He scratches the scar on his neck awkwardly. “I’m just not smart like you. I’m sorry I don’t really understand all the meaning and stuff to this.”
Jake’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “Tom, you’re smart! You don’t have to know everything. It’s just art—it's all subjective. Even if you don’t have an opinion, that still counts.”
“But you always see something that I don’t... That’s what I like about being with you.”
Jake looks up at Tom from under his eyelashes. There’s something that always sparkles there, like a star in the night sky.
There’s a gift shop at the end of the museum, bright and packed with trinkets. The walkways are narrow, the tables and walls lined with things. Just being in its entryway feels overwhelming.
“Get whatever you want,” Tom says, letting Jake’s hand go.
“Okay,” Jake says sheepishly, making his way towards the books.
Tom turns to look at some of the little trinkets in the corner. If there’s anything Tom loves, it’s a silly little guy. Hey, there’s a miniature version of a cherub statue they saw earlier, but it’s cuter and more simplistic than the original.
Tom holds the cherub and turns, his rear knocking some of the items on the table behind him to the floor with a clatter. Immediately, he sees Jake, who is trying his hardest not to bust out laughing, pointing at Tom as if to make fun of him and his huge butt. The cashier stares blankly.
Always me with my big ass, Tom chastises himself.
Tom quickly returns the items to their original state, afraid that the cashier will come over and be annoyed with him. There are quite a few little items, and it becomes tedious to put them all back as they were before. Why are gift shop setups always so dysfunctional?
After he’s satisfied that he won’t get in trouble for the setup of the trinkets, Tom turns again so he can return to Jake but pauses. Jake has his back turned, looking at a large art book. It’s stunning—with a deep, red cover and gorgeously printed images on the inside. Jake runs his finger along its edge, infatuated. He turns it over to look at the back, notices what Tom assumes is the price, then immediately returns it. He decides to pick up a different book, this one smaller and less stylized than the other.
Tom resumes on his pathway to Jake. “So, uh, did you find something cool?”
“Um, yeah!” Jake jumps as Tom approaches him, “I was going to get this book about the Dada art period. That was a pretty wild time for art.”
Tom spots the large, red book. It’s even more pristine and glamorous up close. “Hey, what about this one? It looks pretty cool, too.”
He quickly picks up the book, and it must weigh at least 10 pounds. On the cover, there’s a photograph of a young woman with a shaved head facing away from the front.
“Oh, it looks cool, but I don’t need it,” Jake tries to reason. “I’m okay with what I picked.”
“You don’t want it? I don’t mind, y’know.”
Jake seems to curl into himself a little. “No, I can’t ask you to do that. It’s way too much.”
“Well, I’m going to get it for me. That way, if you want to read it, you’ll have to come over and spend time with me. How ‘bout it?” Tom smiles at Jake, who’s still unsure.
He says nothing as they check out, though, except for “thank you” as they leave the store to the cashier who is obviously over it.
The car creaks as they both fold themselves into the front seats getting in. Tom hands the paper bag happily to Jake, who accepts it sheepishly. “Thank you, Tom,” he manages to say.
“You’re welcome,” Tom replies. “But, you know, if there’s something you want you can just tell me.”
“Well, I don’t know,” Jake starts, “I just feel so awkward not working and being broke. I swear, I’m trying to find a job, but I’m just not having any luck right now. I can’t have you just pay for everything.”
Tom waits until Jake looks into his eyes. “Jake, if you’re going to be my boyfriend, I’m going to wanna buy you things. If it was too expensive, I wouldn’t have done anything. And if it would make you more comfortable, we don’t have to go out and spend money, we can do other things.”
“It’s not that. I just want to return the favor. Miriam is being kind enough to give me a budget every week, but I can’t just let her pay for me forever.”
Tom rests his hand on Jake’s thigh. “I’m sure she knows you’re trying hard. And this isn’t forever! For today, just let me spoil my favorite person.”
Jake’s tone sours. “Your ‘favorite person’? Who the hell is that?”
Shocked, Tom can’t think of anything to say.
Jake laughs. “Oh, Tom, don’t look so scared! It was just a joke.”
Tom exhales, clutching his chest and giggling nervously. “Oh my God, Jake. Shit.”
“What? After everything we’ve been through, did you think I could still be that petty and jealous?”
“Wellllll...”
“Oh, whatever, Tom!”
Jake clasps Tom’s hand that’s been over his thigh. He’s so warm, so soft. “So, what are we having for dinner? Since you insist on spoiling me today.”
“It’s not Chinese this time, but it’s still pretty good,” Tom says, backing out of the spot. In no time, they’re back onto the road and onto the next stop.
He holds Jake’s hand the whole way.
**
“God, I love p hở ,” Jake sighs as they walk up to the restaurant. “I can’t believe you know me so well already.”
“You’re not as impossible to please as you think,” Tom chuckles, holding the door open for Jake. “I don’t know how many times this week alone you’ve mentioned kimbap.”
“Ugh! Another date we’ve got to go on.”
They’re quickly seated and handed menus. It only takes Jake a few moments to make up his mind.
“I think I already know what I want,” Jake affirms, placing the menu on the end of the table.
“Oh?” Tom starts, “I-I’ve gotta be honest, I’ve never had it before. Is it... like ramen?”
“Oh!” Jake beams, “It’s not, but it’s still delicious. Here, I’ll help you.”
Tom feels lost, but Jake is just so cute at being so excited that he doesn’t even really care what he eats as long as Jake doesn’t stop paying attention to him.
“They have hotpot, which is pretty good, and it says here it’s served with rice. You like beef, so I think this beef pho will be good. You could try it with extra noodles if you don’t like too much broth.”
Jake continues to chatter about items on the menu, and Tom is infatuated. “I really like you,” Tom interjects.
Jake’s gaze snaps from the menu and straight into Tom’s eyes. “Oh.” Jake’s face blooms pink like a rose as he tries to cover it. “That’s... kinda gay, you know.”
“Well, then, I really, really like you,” Tom grins, folding his hands over the menu.
“Well, what... what are you going to order then?” Jake tries to deflect.
“Maybe I’ll just eat you up instead,” Tom flirts. Jake’s pink is now blossoming into red.
The waiter comes back and takes both of their orders. Tom is feeling adventurous and orders p hở , but orders it as it is prepared on the menu. Jake orders almost the same thing, but with three kinds of meat. The waiter takes their menus, and once he’s gone, Tom can’t help himself.
“You sure seem to like meat, huh,” Tom teases. It’s not his best flirt, but it’s enough to keep Jake bothered.
“Ugh, you’re embarrassing me,” Jake says, but through a smile.
“It comes with the title of being yours.”
Jake curls in on himself a little but can’t stop smiling. “Well, I’m yours too, y’know. Don’t forget it.”
“I won’t.”
The two chatter about the events of the day. Tom asks Jake to explain one of the sculptors featured in the museum, to which Jake is more than happy to go over. He explains the artist’s growing up, where she studied, and other works she’s produced. Tom has no idea what a lot of this means, but he’s just content with letting Jake talk his heart out.
It’s not long before their meal is served; the waiter brings a small plate of cut limes, bean sprouts, basil leaves, and cut jalapeños , then places two massive soup bowls in front of them.
“I’m so excited!” Jake exclaims as the waiter walks away.
“Me, too. I’m starving,” Tom agrees.
Jake is quick to pour soy sauce in his pho, then takes bunches of the bean sprouts for his soup.
“So, is this stuff supposed to go in too?” Tom asks, pointing to the small plate that was brought first.
“Oh, yeah. Personally, I love the bean sprouts because they’re really crunchy and I love the texture. The limes are great, too. I don’t mess with the jalapeños and basil, though.”
Tom considers this and puts a little of each into his own dish just to try it.
“You’re crazy,” Jake chuckles as Tom takes a few slices of the fresh jalapeños .
“What? I like them spicy,” he says, winking at Jake. Jake just rolls his eyes with a smile.
As he eats the noodles, Tom is pleased to discover that p hở is really, really damn good.
“You like it?” Jake coos, licking some broth from his lips.
“Delicious,” is all Tom manages to say with a full mouth. The broth is rich and hearty, and the fresh jalapeños and basil make for an interesting flavor combination as they soften in the broth alongside the crunchy bean sprouts. The meat is thinly sliced and incredible in flavor. Tom almost licks his bowl clean when he’s finished.
“That was amazing,” Tom states, satisfied.
“I agree,” Jake sighs. “We have to come back for another date,” Jake says, tapping his toes against Tom’s under the table.
Tom pays and soon they’re out of the restaurant and into the parking lot. Once they’re back in the car ready to go, Tom is so stuffed he needs a moment to relax, melting into the seat.
“Thank you for taking me out,” Jake coos from the passenger’s seat, batting those big doe eyes. “Where are we going next?”
“Well, that was all I really had planned,” Tom explains, “but... I still want to hang out with you, if that’s okay.”
“I would like that a lot. Where do you wanna go?”
“You could... come over if you want?” Tom’s glad the sun set so long ago, because he can feel his face run hot. Jake’s eyes are wide with surprise. “Um, just don’t mind the mess, I haven’t cleaned today,” Tom comments, rubbing the scar on his neck.
“Tom, you’ve seen my apartment, it can’t get worse than that.”
Tom stifles a laugh out of not wanting to seem rude, but he can’t help himself. Last time he visited Jake, he ended up helping with his laundry and taking out the trash for him.
“Yeah, yeah, I know I’m messy,” Jake admits. “Hurry up so I can kiss you when we get there. I’ve behaved myself enough today.”
“Oh? What does that mean?” Tom asks, starting the engine.
Jake gets on his knees in the seat so he can get as close as possible to Tom when he leans close to him. “You know, you have no idea just how handsome and sexy you are. If we weren’t in public, I would’ve devoured you by now.”
Tom isn’t sure how to react to that, as he’s never been called sexy before. Jake is radiating desire; Tom can feel his palms beginning to sweat and his heart race.
“Behave yourself, I don’t want to die driving because you can’t wait,” Tom jokes, but Jake is not laughing. Jake, instead, licks a hot stripe over the scar on Tom’s neck.
“I trust you, baby,” Jake whispers hotly into Tom’s ear. Before Tom can react, Jake seats himself properly, buckling himself in and behaving as Tom had asked.
Tom’s not ashamed to admit he drove a little faster than normal all the way home.
**
As soon as they’re in the house, the moment they’re completely alone and the front door closes, Jake is all over Tom, kissing his lips feverishly like it’ll be his last. His hands are everywhere—up Toms’ sides, up his back, cupping his neck and face, in his hair. Jake is everywhere, in every sense that Tom has. Tom can’t help but fire back, holding Jake close in his strong arms, one hand on the back of his head and the other along the curve of his ass. His head is spinning like he’s drunk, intoxicated by Jake.
He opens his mouth willingly, and Jake goes for the kill. Tom is sloppy and uncoordinated, but Jake is practiced and perfect, so Tom just follows his lead. His mouth is so wet and hot and he is on fire; every part of his body tingles, engulfed in Jake’s flame. There’s that heat again, scorching in his stomach, ready to burn him to ashes so long as Jake will have him.
Tom pulls out of his dizziness to the sound of Gabs, her little honking meows next to the two men on the floor. They both stop to peer down at her.
Tom begins to pull away, chuckling. “Sorry, she’s just hungry. We were out so late I bet she’s starving.”
“Come on, feed her so I can eat you up,” Jake mumbles into Tom’s neck, kissing him there.
“Just go get comfortable and I’ll catch up with you,” Tom assures, kissing Jake one more time as a promise.
Jake lets go with a whine, making his way across the living room to the couch. Tom turns his attention to Gabs, who is still honking at his feet. She trots to the kitchen alongside Tom, yelling at him the whole way.
“Okay, okay,” Tom relents, scooping a small portion out of her dried food bag and pouring it into her ceramic bowl. Gabs is satisfied, eating to her heart’s content.
“Sorry again for the mess,” Tom shouts from the kitchen, rolling the bag and clipping it.
“You must be joking,” Jake shoots back from the other side of the room. “Your place is almost spotless.”
“Almost,” Tom points out.
He puts the food back in its space on the counter, then turns to spot Jake. From where he stands at the entrance in the kitchen, he can see Jake sprawled across his couch on the other side of the room. Jake is comfortable, staring straight into him, with the biggest eyes he’s ever seen. He’s no longer wearing his jacket and shoes, the tightness of his shirt and jeans hugging him in all the right ways. He looks so, so good against the dark fabric of the sofa, like he belongs there.
All it takes is for Jake to lick the upper part of his lip and Tom is there in an instant. Jake makes a loud, boisterous laugh at Tom’s quickness and the plopping of his body directly over Jake’s. The laugh fades, however, when Tom keeps himself close, holding Jake underneath him, burying his face in his neck.
Jake curls his slender arms and legs around Tom, trapping him. Tom doesn’t mind; he’s finding that he really enjoys being fully ensnared by him. They spend a quiet, heated moment just like that, fully appreciating the weight of each other in their arms. Tom’s heart is pounding in his chest. He wonders if Jake can feel it below, as it feels like it’ll burst out of him any second.
“Tom,” Jake whispers into his boyfriend’s ear, “I want to kiss you.” He kisses the edge of Tom’s ear, then licks a stripe along it. Tom shivers all through his body from the sensation. He rolls to his side, pulling Jake until the smaller man is on top of him. It’s narrow on the couch, but his strength works in his favor. Jake giggles from the position change; his smile looks so devastatingly beautiful painted across his face. I’ll do anything to see him like that again, Tom promises himself.
Jake leans over, meeting Tom’s waiting lips. It’s not as furious as it was when they stepped in the door, but it still carries the same flame within Tom. His whole body is hot just from Jake’s kiss, he’s melting. Jake has no problem pressing his tongue onto Tom’s, and Tom is more than happy to oblige. This silly little shirt Jake’s wearing rises every time he raises his arms and exposes a sliver of skin, Tom has noticed, and it’s been driving him crazy all day. He finally snakes his hands underneath the fabric, feeling Jake’s breath hitch as he caresses the bare skin. His back is so very soft, like velvet, and so fucking hot his hands sizzle from the touch.
Jake moans into Tom’s mouth, grinding his growing erection over Tom’s, and that’s when Tom feels himself tense. Jake must’ve felt it, too, as he pulls away to look into Tom’s eyes. His pupils are huge, full of lust and desire, and there’s a thick coating of honey when he speaks.
“What is it, Tom?” he asks.
“I, um...” Tom’s not sure how he’s going to word it. Fuck, he thought he could be cool about everything on his mind but now it’s coming back to him full force.
Jake leans back a little further, giving Tom more space. “Babe, talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“N-nothing’s wrong,” Tom tries to assure, “there’s just something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about, but...”
“But?”
“I just... I don’t want you to think lesser of me.”
“Tom,” Jake asserts, pointing his finger to his boyfriend’s chest, “we’ve been through a lot, and there’s nothing you can say that’ll make me walk away from you now.”
Tom’s gaze averts awkwardly. “I want to keep seeing you, Jake. I like you so much.”
“Okay... but?”
“There’s no ‘but’. I want to be your boyfriend now and always.”
He gently turns on his side, rolling Jake with him. Tom pulls himself up on his forearm and holds Jake close.
“Jake...” he begins quietly, sighing, “you’re the only man I’ve ever kissed.”
“Okay...”
“What I mean is, I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never been in a relationship.”
Jake stays quiet, listening.
Tom continues, “I’ve always wanted to date, but I never really got any chances. There were so many people that I’ve liked, but they’ve never returned my feelings. By the time me and you met... I was ready to kind of give up on finding anyone. I didn’t have good luck before, and I just felt so much shame about how I looked after the accident.
“I didn’t return your calls because... I was just afraid of rejection. So afraid. The one time someone else was interested in me back, and I couldn’t handle it. You’re so kind and handsome, you could have anyone. Me, I’m just... getting older and now my body is covered in scars. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, and I don’t want to mess anything up with you. All I seem to do is just screw up.”
Jake cups his hand on Tom’s face, rubbing his thumb gently over the scar tissue. “Tom, I liked you before I even knew what you looked like, remember? When you still wore your mask and covered your whole body. I’m sorry you haven’t felt wanted for a long time.
“But, you know, if it’s any consolation, I didn’t know what you looked like before these scars. And I still wanted you, then. Still, now.”
Tom considers this, and he feels himself relax. It’s hard, watching your body change, feeling so out of control. Chasing others and never feeling chased. This time around, though, he has hope.
“You know,” Jake continues, “it’s okay that you’ve never been with anyone. I’ve had a few relationships, and the hurt carries with you for a long time, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. Being with someone can be so exciting, but then things just went sour and were awful for a really long time.”
“I know, Jake,” Tom says, searching his soulful gaze, “I know you’ve been hurt. I’m sorry. I wish I could take back what your ex did to you.”
Jake smiles. “Well, I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it. I still got my knight in shining armor in the end, after everything.”
Tom leans down for a kiss, and Jake meets him halfway. It’s not as intense as before, but sweet all the same.
“I’m just nervous about screwing things up again,” Tom admits when he pulls away, “but I’m always trying my best.”
“Just return my calls and everything will turn out fine,” Jake says with a smirk, and Tom snorts.
“I learned my lesson, don’t worry.”
There’s a comfortable silence, now that the air is clear. Jake continues to stroke Tom’s dark hair, brushing it behind his ears.
“So, does this mean that, uh, you’ve never had sex?” Jake asks tentatively.
Tom can feel a blush forming as he stutters the words out, “U-um, w-well, no, I haven’t. I’m embarrassed about it. I mean, I know we did it in the VR, but I’ve, uh, never done anything in real life.”
“Tom, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about!” Jake laughs. “You seem to think that all these little things make it like there’s something wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, you know.”
“Maybe I just needed to hear it, then,” Tom says, shifting his gaze away. “I just don’t want it to be bad for you because I don’t know what I’m doing. I want you to feel good with me.”
“Again, Tom, I’ve been in the good and bad parts of relationships. Sex can be good, but it can also be bad for a lot of reasons. Besides, I already can tell that sex with you will be great.”
Tom’s eyebrows lift in surprise. “What? How do you know that I won’t disappoint you?”
Jake’s smile softens. “It’ll be good because we care about each other, and no other reason.”
Tom’s vision blurs so he lunges, holding Jake in a tight embrace. “Why are you so sweet to me? After everything I put you through.”
Jake holds him back, just as tightly. “Well, you came back, didn’t you?”
“I don’t mind waiting for sex as long as I still have you,” Jake adds, smoothing his hands up and down Tom’s back. “I’d rather wait. I want it to be good for you, too. And, for the record, this doesn’t really change how I feel about you. I don’t think you’re lame for not having relationship experience.”
“Thank you,” is Tom’s muffled response.
Jake taps on his shoulder as if to pull him out of the embrace. When Tom sits up to look at Jake again, his boyfriend is quick to be on his lips again, sticking his tongue in for a kiss, and then immediately pulling away to Tom’s shock.
“Got you back from earlier,” Jake says smugly.